- Tits are the Enemy-

Tall Oaks Cathedral

Leon didn't stop. He leaped over the railing and landed on the top of a bookshelf. It groaned, and down he went, rolling to the floor when he landed. He was racing toward the front pew where the boy slept. "Ben!"

The little boy awoke, rubbing his eyes. Leon grabbed him and lifted him onto his hip…and the ugliest thing ever came stumbling, shambling, and farting out of the altar opening. It was a fat blob with thirty farting buttholes or spurting tits dangling off its massively warped body. It wiggle-walked as it ran with tentacles coming out of its bisected face. No, wait, Leon thought madly, it wasn't tentacles. Its face had split open like a flower whose petals had found the sun. It had a slimy red tongue and some kind of exposed squishy organ in its mouth. A heart?

He didn't wait to find out. He ran with Ben on his hip, and Jill threw her hands down. He tossed the boy up. She caught him, and Leon turned back with his gun raised. The tit monster threw that nasty gas as it walked, and people started running.

Jill shouted to him, "Leon! The gas! Give me your hands!"

He turned and leaped. She caught his hands and jerked him up. When he reached the edge, he hoisted himself the rest of the way. Helena fired into the nasty beast.

Others were fleeing to the balcony with them. Someone was getting their face eaten on the bloody floor. Leon shot the screamer and the zombie, eating them with two fast rounds. Jill grabbed Ben and ran with him across the balcony to the far doors. The exit would take them to the cathedral's roof and the bell tower. She grabbed Helena and said, "Get him up there. Get him away from here as fast as you can. We will find you when it's done."

Helena nodded and grabbed Ben to run through the doors with several other survivors. Jill beckoned to anyone there to follow. "Hurry! Go now!"

Leon was firing into the fat nasty beast as it tried to find a way up to them. It finally found the bookshelf on the far wall. Surprisingly agile for such a fat blob, it leaped and started to ascend. Jill slammed the door on the balcony.

They were the last two in the cathedral with it now. Everyone else had fled or fallen.

Leon glanced at her. "Protect that fucking door."

"What are you talking about?"

"We can't let it get up here. We can't let it get through that door."

He started moving, and Jill figured out what he meant to do. "Leon! Don't!"

But it was too late. He was running. And he was throwing his shoulder forward. Jill pushed off the door and went to one knee, sighting down her arm.

Leon caught the blob in a tackle and shoved. It squished and flopped against him, it started to fart that mist all over them, and Jill shot it right in that pulsing organ from its open petaled face. It made some kind of warbling keen and sounded vaguely like a turkeys mating call as it tumbled backward and smashed into the floor.

Leon glanced at her over his shoulder, and she lifted a brow at him.

"Didn't you hear? I train with Chris Redfield. I'm a helluva a shot too."

Leon scoffed a little. "Redfield, that wiener, can hit a target but can't find an articulate sentence with two hands, a flashlight, and a Webster's fucking dictionary."

Jill called coyly, "Really? At least he can drive. I heard you can't drive to save your life."

Leon gave her a droll look and finally laughed; he laughed as he leaped atop the bookcase to aim down at the warbling, many-boobed monster trying to get to its feet. Considering, he muttered, "...you wreck a fucking car a couple times, and nobody lets you live it down."

Leon put two in the warbling beast, and it rammed the bookshelf. He was tossed sideways, couldn't hold on, and went to the floor in a roll. He didn't wait to see if it was chasing him; he ran for the far door toward the left of the altar and threw himself inside. It jabberwocky wobble ran after him, and he waited, waited, and kicked the door in front of him the moment it tried to get him. It hit the monster full in the face, sent it reeling, and Leon swung the assault rifle off his back and hit the trigger.

Jill ran to the far side of the balcony to get an angle into the room. She dropped to her belly on the floor and aimed into the narrow doorway. The moment it cleared and stumbled, the moment she heard the rapid peppering of 5.56mm rounds smashing into it, she leaned out over the railing and aimed the shotgun at that ugly exposed organ with its row of teeth and bisected head. And she pulled the trigger while she almost dangled off the balcony.

The heavy round obliterated its face, at least what was left of it. And Leon spun a back kick at it, sent it to the floor, and finished the job with a round from his Magnum. The monster gushed, gasped, and went still after a final death spasm.

Jill called down to him in the ensuing silence, "Did it fart on you?"

And it was the strangest question he'd ever been asked, which was saying something about them. Leon retorted dryly, "Can't say that it did. Thank god. I usually ask a monster to buy me dinner first before letting it fart on me."

He took a photo of the monster and uploaded it to Hunnigan. He glanced around to see how many survivors they'd lost to it before it was contained. Four. Four more people were lost to the horror that was happening here. One was the sweet girl that had treated his wounds when they arrived.

He closed her eyes and put his knife to the back of her head to make sure she didn't turn. It rolled in his guts like lead. And it sobered him up.

Why did it feel like a betrayal to laugh?

Because the dead were piling up, and the questions had outstripped the answers. The President was dead, and the town was decimated. The infection was rampant and getting worse. They didn't know what it was or how to stop it, or if they were all currently infected anyway.

Leon put them together in a spare room and closed the door to give them peace. When he arrived back in the central area, it was full of people who had come back from the safe area. He paused, considering. Were they infected?

His eyes turned to Ben, currently standing with Jill and Helena. Were they all wasting their time-fighting? If they were infected, they were dead anyway. Should he stop fighting and just…wait? Should he just wait with the rest of the people to be evacuated and stuffed in a cage somewhere to turn and die?

Jesus.

Fighting was better than waiting to die any day of the week.

He moved toward the others, and Ben shifted. His little hand lifted, and Leon took it, holding on. Only Jill was aware that it had been reactionary. He hadn't even thought about it…he'd just held the little boy's hand.

Helena whispered, "That was clearly put here to stop us. I'm so sorry for all of this. The answers are down there. Every single one. Are you ready?"

He wanted to demand she tell them now. He wanted to be a hard ass and a tough guy and scare the piss out of her until she blabbed. But the boy...the boy just kept looking at him so hopeful, so scared. He couldn't scare the boy.

Leon nodded and knelt, "Ben…you need to stay here. You need to wait for the soldiers coming to come and take you to safety, OK? You can't go with us. It's too dangerous."

Ben shook his head, denying, "I won't stay. If I stay, I die. I don't want to die. Please take me witchu. I will be good. Ok?"

Leon skimmed his thumbs over the boy's shoulders, trying to offer some comfort where there was none. He opened his mouth to protest, and Jill touched him. She gestured with her head to him. "A minute?"

Leon nodded and rose, brushing his hand on Ben's cheek. The boy was so scared. He was pale beneath his perpetual tan. He didn't want to stay.

Jill took his forearm and guided him to the side. She skimmed her thumb over the inside of his wrist, an absent gesture. "We should take him along with us."

Surprised, he met her gaze. "Jill…we can't protect him like that."

"Listen…if we leave him here, there's no guarantee that anyone we've called will get here in time, Leon. If they don't…and sanitation occurs…." Jill held his eyes, trying to impart what they both knew but didn't want to say, "He won't just die, Leon. He'll die here, alone and terrified. Take him with us. He's safer with us than here. Maybe we can't protect him. But I can't leave him here to die. It's a turd or a shit sandwich, baby, but we've got to eat one."

Baby.

He studied her face, and he realized he liked it. It was a good nickname. He'd never been anyone's baby before. It felt kinda funny to hear. And he actually agreed with her.

He didn't want to leave Ben behind.

Nodding, Leon turned back to the boy. He slipped his leather jacket off and poked his little arms into it, bundling him up. "It's probably gonna be cold down there. So you listen to me, Ben, because this only works if you listen. I need you to be brave. I need you to be quiet. And I need you to do anything I tell you to. Can you do that?"

Ben was nodding eagerly.

"Good. If you don't? We could die down there, Ben. I will do my best to protect you. So will Helena and Jill. But I need you to run when I say run. I need you to hide if I say hide. And I need you to leave me behind if I say to leave me."

There it was. The horror. Ben held his gaze. "Leave you?"

"Oh, yeah. It may come to that. You may have to leave me. If you do? Don't look back. Don't turn around. You go forward, and you don't turn back. Ok?"

Ben held his gaze, teary-eyed. "….ok. Leon?"

"Yeah?"

"My Mom is dead. Isn't she?"

Leon wanted to say no. He wanted to say there was hope. He wanted to say lots of things. Instead, he said, "What do you think, Ben?"

"I think she was at work, and she never came home. I sawed my babysitter get eaten. I sawed those zombies eat her." He leaned close to Leon and whispered it now, wide-eyed, "I think my Mom is dead."

Leon nodded now, rubbing his little hands together. "Yeah, bud. I think your Mom is dead too."

Ben's eyes went bigger and turned wet with tears, "I don't want her to be dead. I don't want to be alone. She was my only Mom."

Jill was trying to figure out what she felt for Leon Kennedy. It was something pretty big and pretty scary. It was something pretty encompassing and raw. And, when his eyes went misty looking at that sad little boy, it was something she knew she'd never be able to get out of her. And she was ok with it. She was kinda afraid it meant she was in love with him. Which seemed stupid after two days...but there it was.

Leon answered, calm and firm, "I know you don't, buddy. I'm sorry. I won't leave you. I promise. Will you be strong for her now? Strong for your Mom?"

He didn't cry. He sniffled. He wiped at his nose. He puffed out his chest like a tough guy. And he declared, "…yes. I'm a big boy. I'm a tough boy. I will be tough like you. I promise."

Leon cupped his face and ruffled his hair. He rose, smiling, "Good man. Stick close to us and stay quiet, ok?"

"Ok. Can I say goodbye?"

"Of course, pal. Go ahead."

Ben hurried off to say goodbye to the few people he'd befriended. Helena held Leon's gaze. She said softly, "What happens to him when this is over?"

He held her gaze. There was that feeling again to throttle her stupid. He wondered if what she would show them would possibly outweigh that feeling. Leon answered quietly, "We'll find him a family. He'll be ok."

Jill shook her head. "He'll go into the system and float from home to home. No. I'll take him. We survive this…I'll adopt him. He's earned it. If he'll have me, I'll be his Mom."

She turned back to the altar and headed down the stairs toward the doors there. When she called up to him, Leon was still standing there, trying to process what she'd said.

"It's missing Madonna statues. We've got some more hunting to do to get this door open."

Helena lifted a finger to hold off questions and hurried away. Leon turned to Jill and held her gaze as she mounted the stairs back toward him. His face must have had something pretty scary on it because she tilted her head at him. "What?"

"What happened to the no children in our field speech you gave me?"

She arched her brows at him. "I can't have them. It doesn't mean I won't raise them. I won't turn that boy aside to live in foster homes. I'm at a point in my career where I can take a step back to an administrative role in the B.S.A.A. Chris is the big field guy. I'm better behind a desk on some days than I've ever been in the field. I'm ok with it. If I hadn't met you, Leon, I'd be considering retiring anyway in a few years. There's only so long I can tread close to forty and not have any end in mind."

He considered her as she finished her little speech. Jill smiled at him, amused. "Leon, it's ok. You don't have to raise him with me. I'm not asking you to marry me and raise a family. We just met. This turns into something more than that; we'll talk. For now? Let's kill zombies and stay alive and focus on getting the answers. The rest of it comes later."

Helena was hurrying toward them with a set of statues. She was grinning. "While you two fought the big nasty, Ben and I found these…well…and this."

She hefted a sniper rifle in her fist and tossed it to Leon. He caught it, cleared it, and checked the scope on it. It was all done in a series of thoughtless movements. It was almost robotic—muscle memory and response.

"Awesome. Here." He tossed Helena the assault rifle, and she caught it, checking and clearing it. He wasn't sure how he felt about handing it over to her, but what choice did he really have? He couldn't be running around with heavy ass guns dangling off him like bad dates that didn't know when to quit.

She said, "Toys for everyone. You guys ready?"

They turned back to the stairs and headed down them. Ben stuck to Leon like glue. Leon reminded them as they all breathed and prepared to open the door, "Try to stay together. Try to be as quiet as possible. Helena, what are we looking at down here?"

She took a deep breath and said, "Before? A bunch of geeks in lab uniforms. I can't tell you now. God knows. Things aren't what they were a few days ago."

Leon nodded and pushed open the doors. They cleared Leon high, Jill low, and Helena at the rear. Ben stayed between as they moved through. A second into the movement, Helena made a sound.

"Oh my god."

It might have been a lab once…it was a graveyard now. There was nothing but death everywhere. Bodies littered the ground and were scattered in pieces. Jill cleared the first room they came to in the narrow, damp, blood-strewn hallway.

Helena made a slight sound of regret and remorse. "It was overrun. He let it get overrun."

Leon turned his gaze to her face, studying her. "Who, Helena? Who is responsible for this?"

She held his eyes for a long moment and finally answered. Her answer scared him half to death, "….Simmons."

Simmons...the National Security Adviser.

The rabbit hole was deeper than he could have ever imagined.

Leon grabbed her elbow and surprised her. Helena gasped and made a sound of pain. Jill glanced up and down the hallway and touched his hand on Helena's arm. "Ease down, Leon. Ease down."

Leon hissed, "You're blaming the National Security Advisor?"

Helena shook his hand off, glaring. "Yeah. I am. He's responsible. I'm not tossing blame on him. He's the one who blackmailed me. Why? I guess we know why. He was trying to kill the President. Why? That part we don't know yet. But the answers to what he was doing? Those are here. Ok? They're here. Stop blaming me and start doing your fucking job, Leon. Find the bad guys."

Leon and Helena glared at each other for a long moment. "If I find out you're the reason for all these people...I'll turn you in and watch you burn for it."

Helena stepped in close to him, nose to nose. "The reason why doesn't matter anymore, Leon. I caused this. I didn't know. I had no choice. But I will still turn myself in when this is over. I will still stand trial. I served at the pleasure of the President. I betrayed that trust. I got people killed. I don't need you to tell me that I will face the music for it. I'm ready. And I'll gladly let you cuff me and take me in. But not until this is done."

Leon held her gaze for a long moment. She shifted and glanced at Ben. "I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry for all of it. But I have to show you why. And we have to stop Simmons. We have to. Please."

Leon turned without another word, and Ben stayed close to his side. It was cool in the lab. Leon wore the short-sleeved black shirt, and Jill had no jacket at all over the little dress she donned. They were all underdressed. Luckily, Leon's jacket was keeping Ben nice and warm.

The lab was destroyed. It was overturned and infested. They put down infected in lab coats and those in civilian attire. They moved through small hallways and around tight corners and kicked in doors that stood in their way.

As they came upon a door locked by an electronic keycard, tanks could be glimpsed within the confines of the room. Leon studied one of the humanoid forms that floated in the gelatinous goop. He cocked his head, studying it.

Jill was messing with the card reader to see if she could hack it.

He said, "Jill?"

"Hmm?"

"You were held in cryostasis while in Wesker's control, right?"

She glanced up at his face. It was no secret. It was well documented. Pieces of it were sealed beneath layers and layers of security, but the truth was out there. They'd talked about it a little in their time together. Jill nodded, "I was. Why?"

"These things in cryo?" Leon gestured with his head at the tank they could see.

Jill studied it herself, curious. Finally, she admitted, "Could be. They look human, don't they? No signs of mutation."

"Right? What the fuck is that?"

Helena came from the far room. "No luck on the keycard. To be fair, it looks like a doctor might be locked in one of the cells back there. If we can get him out, he may have what we need on him."

Leon glanced down at Ben. He glanced up at Jill. "Can you keep trying at that thing? He should stay here, where it's secure. I'll take Helena and go check the doc."

"Absolutely."

"Thanks." Leon glanced down at Ben, "Stay with Jill. And remember -"

"Stay quiet. Stay safe."

"Good man." Leon ruffled his hair and gestured with his head. He and Helena went back into the previous chamber to see about checking the doctor for the keycard.

Jill glanced down at Ben as she worked on the door. "You seem like a smart guy...want to help me?"

Ben seemed eager to help. He smiled. A good face, Jill thought, handsome. Bright green eyes and caramel skin. He came from beautiful stock. She shifted over and started showing him her lockpicks. He was eager and clever and quick. Jill watched his face as he talked. She said softly, "Ben, do you have a family to live with? An Aunt or a sister, maybe?"

Ben shook his head, holding one of her tumbler picks. "No. Just me and my mom...maybe not my Mom anymore...maybe..."

Jill stroked his soft hair. "Would you...like to live with me? I don't have any children. It's just me...maybe you could keep me company."

Ben studied her, considering. She felt like she was on trial for war crimes. He finally replied, "I think that would be good. Girls need protected. I will protect you."

And now she grinned, touching his dirty cheek. "I think you'd make a pretty good protector, honestly. Thank you for offering."

"Sure." Ben shrugged a little and sighed, "Um...will Leon come see me...or...?"

She was outshone by a hero in a leather coat. It seemed a fair enough trade. She wondered if there was a little boy alive that would watch Leon in action and not idolize him. Hell, she did, and she wasn't even five years old.

Jill kissed his forehead and put her cheek on his soft hair. "I think we can say yes to that, sweetie. No question."

The locks ground and turned with a buzz, releasing the door where the Doctor shambled. A console had controlled the locking mechanism on the platform close by. Leon braced, and the door rolled up. Helena covered him as he moved into the room.

The shambling corpse of the doctor was facing the far wall. It made a sound and turned as they entered the small room.

And it wasn't a typical zombie.

It had an enormous bloated goiter on its neck. It looked like a bubbly, blood-filled bullfrog pouch. It rippled and trembled as the mutated doctor breathed. Helena lifted her pistol on it, and it...screamed.

Although scream was a mild word, it warbled out a rolling cry that was so loud, so high, so painful that it drove them back and had Helena throwing her hands over her ears. The walls shook, and the ceiling dribbled dust down for the effort. It roared its anger at the universe from four feet away from them and nearly ruptured their eardrums with it.

Leon shot it clean in its roaring face and cut its battle cry short. Surprisingly, it tried to run and was trapped between them and the wall. It turned back to leap at them, and Helena blasted its bubbling goiter with her assault rifle. Pop...pop...BURP. It exploded like a popped water balloon. It sprayed stench and goop and gobs of crap all over them as they ducked and covered.

And then it collapsed onto the floor on its face.

Helena made a sound of disgust. Leon flicked his arm to throw chunks of gross shit and rot onto the ground and moved toward the body slowly. He kicked it, and it didn't move. So he knelt and raided the pockets.

The keycard was in its left one. Grasping it, he rose and followed Helena back toward the lab.

Jill glanced at their faces as they came into the hallway. "What the hell was that?"

Shaking his head, Leon swiped the keycard. "Some other bloated freak. What's with this virus and putting protrusions that burp, fart, or spit on you?"

The door whooshed and rose, leaving them to clear as it went up. The room was filled with tanks. It was clear where the specimens were...grown? Something. Leon moved into the room and glanced at the computer near the far wall. He queried, "Helena, this what you wanted to show me?"

"No. No...I...don't understand what any of this is."

There was a videotape tucked under file folders beside a small monitor. Leon grasped it and looked at the label on it. And then he intoned, softly, "Ada?"

The label said: Happy birthday, Ada Wong!

And so Leon simply lamented, "...women."