Okay, i just want to thank all of you guys for reading and reviewing and im loving all of your comments, this next chapter is where Sadie gets her letter and Jude explains absolutely everything. So here you go...

Chapter 4 – Guess I Owe You It

Sadie,

I guess I owe you some kind of an explanation huh? For just upping and leaving like this. But first I should tell you that I took a whole load of the money, and I hope that you can forgive me for that. I can't use my card one I'm out of Toronto so I've left that for you, with the PIN. If I use the card out you could track me, and I don't want that. That's really big thing, I just don't want to be found okay. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself.

Sadie wanted to laugh at that last comment. She didn't want to be angry with Jude, if anything she wanted to understand her, but she couldn't help thinking it. It takes a big person to face up to their troubles and a small person would do what Jude had done, run away. As soon as Sadie read further into the explanation she wanted to take back ever thinking that comment. She realised that although Tommy had broken Jude, there were cracks already formed.

So my explanation then, I want you to realise that it all started with winning Instant Star. At first everything was perfect, it was exactly how I had wanted it to be. I was catapulted to fame and I loved it. I had everything I ever wanted, but fame also meant I managed to drive people away. Everyone started to desert me, betray me, hurt me.

First it was Shay, my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss, and then he left me for Eden. He cheated, an not only that he did it with my biggest rival, the one person that it killed me to see him with. Everyone was already saying how she was so much better than me, and that I should take a leaf out of her book, that she should have won Instant Star, and that made me start to believe.

And Dad, I know he betrayed you too Sadie but it still hurts. I trusted him so much, I would have given up anything to try to prove he hadn't been lying to me but he had. He was supposed to be my number one fan, the one person I could always rely on when things got tough for me. That song I wrote, 'Skin', that was about him, and about how much he had hurt me, how much him lying had hurt our family and broken it up.

Then you know me and Jamie got close, and I realised that maybe the feelings that I had for him were more than just friendly and I once again managed to drive away a person who loved me. But through that I realised that I could never really have loved Jamie because my heart always belonged to someone else.

Then Kat told me that we couldn't be friends, she loved Jamie but she couldn't be with him because of me and that I was selfish, which I was. I wanted Jamie because I needed to feel close to someone, to feel loved, and I realised that I couldn't have it all. She hated me because I tried to buy her friendship and she told me that we could never be friends if she constantly wanted to rip away everything I had.

Speed and I broke up, it was kind of expected I suppose, I couldn't hold a boyfriend down and though I did care for all of Speed, Jamie and Shay I know that my heart was never really theirs and I would have dropped everything I had with any of them just to run to him. And yeah, the decision with Speed was kind of mutual but I did like him and it was difficult because I knew I couldn't hold a boyfriend down.

Mom, she was one of the only people that I had left and she said that basically I almost didn't feel like her daughter any more, that I was always sucked into the world of G-major, that I was constantly there writing and recording and that she never got so see me perform, but she was always with Don and I tried to make her believe that was the reason she never saw me, because it was, but she left anyway and you probably blame me for that.

Sadie wanted to run up to Jude's room and tell her that it was so not her fault that their mom had decided to leave, and that she was a coward and that she ran away from of her troubles even though they were not bad at all. She wanted to ask Jude if she had left a not for their mom and if she had that she didn't know where it was. She had her had on the doorknob, that oh so familiar position from the past week or so. She couldn't open the door, this time though it was not out of respect for Jude's privacy, it was out of fear. Fear of what she would see, or rather what she would not see. She didn't want to read the next sheet of paper, she knew who the next paragraphs would be about and she didn't know if she could stand to read it. She knew that Jude and Tommy had shared some kind of a connection, a very deep one. If she was honest with herself she was jealous of it. She took a deep breath and read on.

I know that you probably don't want to know about this, but you deserve to. Things with Tommy and me have been complicated from the word go but we were and always have been a team. I know when I mentioned my sixteenth that you wanted to know more, I mean who wouldn't have been curious. Like I said before things with Shay got complicated and it hurt I was devastated I thought I may have actually loved Shay. Before the party I overheard Kwest talking to Tommy and he asked Tommy if he liked me. Tommy said that he did, that I got him, understood him, but I was too young. Kwest asked, if I was 21 and he said in a second. Those were words I had wanted to hear for ages and after I was upset crying in the rain Tommy came out and comforted me. I asked him why I was so easy to give up and easy for guys to not want. He told me I was asking the wrong guy and he kissed me. I was so happy Sadie, I had wanted that for so long, so he goes and does the worst thing ever. He told me that the kiss was a mistake, that it never happened, that I had to say it never happened. That's what he does to me Sadie, and it kills me.

We had our arguments, but we made good music together, but after what he did to you I felt the trust and belief I had in him wash away, I couldn't believe that the person I believed in could betray me like that, could betray you too. On my seventeenth birthday we accidentally got locked in an old club I managed to rebuild my trust and I found that he never cheated on you Sadie, never. At first we were at each others throats but we argued it out through a song, through writing, 'Liar Liar'. We fell asleep but we woke to Speed and Jamie shouting for us. We almost kissed and I realised just how much I needed him and maybe he needed me too. I'm glad we didn't kiss though, I was with Speed and I would have hated myself. It felt great just being able to work with him again and I felt so guilty because you hated seeing us together.

Then there was 'White Lines' I wrote whilst I was tour and when the album lacked something Tommy said it should go on it. I found it so hard to sing that song with Tommy there watching me so I had to tell him that I wrote the song about him, that on tour all I could think about was seeing him again. He told me to bring those feelings back out, but I couldn't with him staring at me like that. After it was accepted by Darius we kissed again, and this time it meant more. I loved him and it was then that I really realised it fully. He asked me out just after that and I was so happy because I thought that maybe he was caving in on what I know he had felt all along. Even though he didn't stand me up he managed to do it again, to hurt me again. He said that he was leaving, that he didn't think he was coming back. He said bye and left. I chased the car but it didn't stop. Montana. I think that's what the license plate said. But that was what took me over the edge.

She never realised just how much he had hurt her sister but reading all of that and thinking about the way they acted around each other Sadie realised that Tommy and her could never have worked out. She didn't know why she had been so oblivious to it when it was so painfully obvious. Tommy hadn't loved her, he had loved Jude.

I am so, so sorry Sadie for everything. I never wanted to leave this way believe me but I just can't take it, hell I've thought of ending it but I cant because then I'll lose the chance to ever come back. I'm sorry again and I love you, so much.

Goodbye xx

Sadie couldn't stop the tears from falling. A part of her, although she tried not to feel it was upset because she realised that Tommy had loved Jude with his heart and soul and more than anything in the world. But more she cried for her loss. Jude had opened her heart to her on those four sheets of paper she had bared her soul and laid down all secrets, she had written Sadie a book of what was going on in her head and it was a sad story. She hated Tommy for what he had done but she knew that Jude still loved him, so she couldn't hate him. Could she tell him?

Okay so there it goes, i just have one more request... please keep reading and reviewing!

Love Dude's