Well like i said, i have the next chapter here for you ready to thank you for all your wonderful reviews. i think there is enough of me rambling so i shall just get on with the next installment of 'So Is It Okay Im Gone?'

and i own nothing...

Chapter 10 – If That Was Okay?

He'd been unable to sleep, afraid that if he did he would wake up to find that it had all been a dream, and that he hadn't really found her. God, he'd dreamt of finding her for over 7 months, admittedly never like this but who's to say it couldn't be different? He wanted to call Sadie, or Mason, just to tell them he'd found her, and he knew that if he didn't they would probably find out and hate him so much for keeping it a secret, but he didn't want to get them all excited about her returning because he knew she probably wouldn't. Hell, he hated himself for letting her go and even if she had called the terms he doubted that she would be there tomorrow to greet him. He made sure that he was there well in time, after dropping Emi off at daycare; he wanted to set a good impression. He smiled as he saw her sitting in the booth; surprisingly she was even earlier than him.

'So, Mackenzie huh?' he asked startling her as he chuckled.

She couldn't help but laugh back, his smile was infectious. 'How many Jude's do you get in England?'

He couldn't believe how cool she was being with him, God knows he had expected a whole lot more grief from her and he did deserve it. It obviously hit her hat she should be a bit meaner at that second because she bit back at him. 'So…I guess I should…'

'Explain everything?' she cut in. 'Yeah, you should, because God knows I deserve it.'

He told her he was going to start from the beginning, and tell her as much as he could will himself to let out, but she had to promise not to interrupt, it was difficult and she didn't know if she could do it, but she promised him she would try.

'So, when I was touring in BoyzAttack, it was the real sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll lifestyle,' he begun, 'a different girl in every city. I never felt remotely attracted to any of them, but it was a way of me dealing with the stress of being famous and with family problems I had tried to run away from.' He took a deep breath. 'But one of these girls, Aby, got pregnant, and I sware to God Jude I didn't know anything about it until that night at your performance, until I left you.' He paused looking down.

Her head was telling her to get up and walk away, never to see him again, that she hated him. He didn't deserve her even to look at him, let alone let him explain everything to her. Every muscle in her body was aching her to get up,

to scream,

to shout,

not to listen,

to run, to run far away and never look back.

Every muscle, all but one muscle, the strongest one in her body.

One.

Her heart told her to listen to him, to let him explain, that she loved him, always would. He could tell she was fighting an inner battle, he could read it in her eyes. It never ceased to amaze him how much he could read her, but more amazing was how she could read him, the most complicated, unreadable guy in the world and she could always tell exactly what was going on. Now she could read the pleading look in his eyes and she stayed, even though he told her that she could leave, he understood if she hated him, she was stuck fast. Stuck by that one tiny muscle. That one tiny, strong muscle.

HEART

'I want to hate you.' She spat. 'I really do, but theres just something about you that makes me want to listen, to let you explain. Every part of me wants to hate you for doing that to me but I cant. I just can't.'

'When the private investigator told me that Aby had died, I didn't even know who he was talking about, and I know that sucks, but it was true. He said that I didn't have to come, that I didn't have to take responsibility for her, but I couldn't leave her without parents. Even after I got to Montana I was given so many chances to turn around, to go back to Canada. After I met her I saw so much of me in her I just couldn't turn away. Even if it meant denying me the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world. You. And just because I had the loyalties to her it didn't mean that I didn't love you because I did, I do.'

There he had just confessed to her in person that he loved her, she wasn't ready to say it back, although she knew she felt it deep in her heart she didn't know she could trust him again and she wasn't ready to let all that out again. 'Did you ever go back to Toronto?' she asked.

'I texted Sadie everyday asking how you were, I didn't tell her anything about where I was or why, but I couldn't just stop thinking about you. She told me a little while after you left and I rushed straight back to Canada with Emily in tow to help try and find you.'

'Do they know I am here?' she asked tentatively.

'No.' he replied simply and she dropped it.

They spent the rest of the day enjoying each others company and talking things over, something Jude really didn't think she'd be able to do. He told her that he was on business for Darius. It was a lot for her to take in and there were still times when she wanted to run away. She couldn't believe she had forgiven him so easily, well almost, but this was Tommy we were talking about so she let it drop. She listened to him talk about Emily and she smiled as she heard his voice swell with pride every word he said about her. Tom Quincy may be a lot of things but she had never expected him to be a good father. How wrong she had been, he could tell he loved the little girl with all his heart and it made her happy to see how much he had changed from Lil Tommy Q, to what he termed as her Tommy. He was a lot smarter and more dedicated, it subconsciously made her smile.

She told him about Rob and although she could tell he wasn't all that happy, she respected him for trying. He tried to casually ask her how long they had been dating and she jumped in with the whole story. It took her a long time to get over him, but she never thought she would see him again, and she couldn't wait forever for something she didn't even know was ever going to happen. He said he was happy for her and that made her heart swell even more, she realized just how much he loved her. He was fighting the urge to kiss her there and then but he respected that she had a boyfriend and that she hadn't completely forgiven him, he didn't want to rush anything that might jeopardize the chance of her ever coming back.

They never managed to touch the subject of whether she would come back to Toronto but again he didn't want to push her. Instead he decided to drop some hints and he was so subtle that she never noticed, she just found herself wanting to go back. He spoke about G-Major, about how well Mason was doing and she had admitted to missing his music, she kind of liked it. He also told her about Karma, the 22 year old instant diva. She laughed and pitied him. She then went on to say how the first instant star was bound to be the best. He smiled and replied, the most talented, beautiful and down to earth star was definitely the first. She blushed, they were still slightly nervous around each other.

Before they knew it late afternoon had hit and she said that Rob would be wondering where Mackenzie was, he smiled back saying that meant he could have Jude to himself, and would she like to come with him to pick Emily first before getting back to her boyfriend, if that was okay with he because he really wanted them to meet.

When they had fetched Emily, or Emi as she told Jude she was to be called, she realized exactly what Tommy had meant. She had his eyes, yet there was something foreignly beautiful about her, and she also noticed that even though the little girl was only four she was strong and opinionated like her father. An hour later when they said their goodbyes he told her that it was the best day he had experienced in months and…could he please oh please see her again? She smiled back and said 'definitely.' He laughed. 'Your hotel at seven.' She dictated, they could hang for a couple of hours.

Here you are then guys, your next installment.

Much Love

Sofi x