yeah, so, it's been a while again. sorry. for those of you who're complaining that it's going too fast, explanations are coming, i promise.
i find it really interesting to get comparisons to 'the other mindlink fics' since i've never read any of them...didn't even think there'd be more out there, which is really kind of silly, since there's a thousand and one hp fanfics of every imaginable sort online somewhere. i'm resisting the urge to go out and read them because i don't want them influencing mine. maybe when it's finished.
if it helps the wait any, and yes i know it's been stretching longer and longer between chapters, my muse has rejoined me and i actually wrote a new chapter from start to finish today. that brings the grand total of finished or mostly finished chapters up to 13, so there'll be at the least 14 chapters to this thing. that ALSO means that there are 4 more already-written chapters waiting for me to get off my butt and post them, so fear not, but also don't get too excited since i'm doling them out to you. yes, i am milking each chapter for reviews, and i admit it unashamedly. hee.
finally, despite all your wishing, i don't THINK there will be any out and out lemons. i've never written one and i'm not sure if i'd want to...imagination does so much more and i kind of like segueing out on a closed door. but if one does somehow leap from my forehead like athena, i'll be sure to let you all know!
and on that note...on with the show!
* * *
It was hours later when we finally dragged ourselves out of my bed.
:What are you going to say when your yearmates ask you where you were last night?:
:Tell them it's none of their business; what else?:
I thought about that for a minute. :Nothing, I suppose. I just never thought that would be an acceptable answer to anyone.:
I was sore all over, muscles I'd never realised I had complaining at me. I loved every bit of it, the pain as much a reminder as the bruises we'd both managed to acquire. I made a mental note to wear turtlenecks for a while.
:Good thing I always wear turtlenecks anyway.:
:How very convenient for you.:
He grinned as he pulled his robes back on. :I take it I shouldn't bother mentioning that I think turtlenecks are the ultimate in sexiness when it comes to slim men.:
:...I never knew you went that way, Draco.:
:I don't. I generally find the human species—and every other species for that matter—revolting. I make exceptions on an individual basis, mainly judging by mentality and not physicality.:
:I gather I should be flattered...?:
:You could say that, yes.: He turned to face me, suddenly serious. :I tell you this only because I think I really can trust you; I find you unbearably attractive, physically AND mentally, and have for years.:
I didn't know quite what to say, completely overwhelmed by what had just happened and what he'd just said, and so blurted out the chaos that was topmost on my mind. :So have I. About you, I mean. I mean, I, I like you and all, and you're really—I mean—oh gods, you're—perfect—and—:
:I get the point, Harry.:
:I. Yes. That.: I had nothing more coherent to say.
:Considering that you're far from eloquent at your best of times, I'll take that as a compliment.:
:...I'll ignore the insult there and...tell you that that's a...good idea.:
He turned suddenly from tying his shoes and grasped my hand firmly while looking intently at the floor. :What are we going to do now?:
:...I...hadn't thought of it. Just—the moment.:
:Well, the moment's over. What do we now? We're dressed, we're ready to face them all, but what happens when we do? We act as though nothing has happened? We come out and tell them all we're irrevocably in love? We treat—what just happened—as a fling and move on, ignoring it? What the hell is going on, Harry?:
As usual, I couldn't find it in myself to lie about what I felt. :I think—I don't regret what happened, and to be honest, I'd like to—er—continue it, um...and if that...happens...I can't hide that from everyone for long. I'm not...used to...hiding things. As you know.:
:I can't hide this well either—unless it doesn't exist.:
Somewhere in me it felt like dawn was breaking. :You don't want to....you want to...continue... —this?:
He let go of my hand. :I don't start things I don't mean to finish, Harry.: His mind felt tart, slightly sharp. The sensation of *sun rising* faded.
:I don't end things I'm not finished with, Draco.: I was filled with rebelliousness, impulsiveness, ready to fight anything and everything, willing to do anything to continue this giddiness—for the moment. And I knew how moments of happiness faded. They always did, didn't they? Life was made out of unhappiness, really, with the occasional high point to keep you going.
He answered my half-formed thoughts again. :That's how things are. But—we can maybe—: He seemed afraid to finish the sentence.
I encouraged him silently, reinforcing what I felt. :This is what we have. I'm willing to fight to try to keep it. Are you?:
The absolute challenge, what neither of us had thus far dared to address. It hovered between us, burning us both with its vital essentiality.
He didn't answer me. I finally turned away from him, focussing entirely on lacing up my shoes. "Alright, that's fine. I really didn't expect more. Ought we to go to Dumbledore first to see about getting us out of each other's heads, do you think, or Snape?" I couldn't bear the idea of maintaining this link with someone who'd seduced me, then wouldn't face the world with me. I'd never been with anyone before; the thought of having been with someone who wasn't willing to stand beside me afterwards tore me up inside. I had to get rid of this vulnerability as soon as possible, now that I'd given so much of me to him and been turned away. It was far too personal and exposing to maintain. I'd let too much of *me* out to him, far too much, and having this last meshing turned away instead of welcomed was more than I could bear. Far too much of a slap in the face.
Without warning he flung his arms around me. :NO.: I could feel him trembling. :I mean yes, yes, I will, yes. Don't turn away from me, Harry. Please.:
:Read 'Ulysses' much?:
:...What?:
:Nevermind. Shut up and kiss me.:
As it turned out we didn't leave the dormitory for a while longer.