Keller was silent as was Beecher. Though neither knew it and their faces did not show it they were both astonished. Beecher was still perplexed on how strong yet fragile Keller was. Keller was dumbfounded why the hell was he telling Beecher this. He had never let anyone know, not even his only friend, Ronnie Barlog, on the outside. But some how Beecher had coaxed him, with out really trying, into revealing his deepest darkest secret. Was it because they both had shared angst or was it something else? Keller was not positive, but he thought he might be falling for Toby. Me falling for someone there is no chance in hell. I don't fall for people; they fall for me and they fall hard. Keller tried to let that thought become the new truth, but he was fighting a losing battle. He knew although he did not want to say it he cared for Toby.

Could I be in love? I always thought that love was only a myth. Something that weak people tell themselves so they can get through their sad pathetic life. Great, the first person that I ever have an ounce of feeling for and I agreed to have him kill himself. Just my luck. What the hell is it about Beecher that is different. I have lost count of the number of people I have slept with and I have even been married, but I never really felt anything for them I just wanted to fuck them. There is something about Beecher that draws me to him, like a moth to a flame. Wait didn't I read something about that it is not the flame they are attracted to, it is the light that confuses them into thinking it is the moon and it causes them to fly into it. Wow even in my thought I'm avoiding the though questions. What is different about Beecher than the rest? Could it be his almost child like nature? Behind his crazy persona there was a gentle soul and his genuine concern for the well being of others. Or was it his unusual intelligence from what I have heard Beecher was a moron when it came to street smarts, but he was a quick learner. Beecher has a rare combination of mild street smarts mixed in with Harvard Law degree. It didn't take Beecher long to break from his prag status he had with Vern last year. I was his prag until the day I got out of Lardner. And he had managed to fend for himself this entire time. He had even found a very effective way to protect himself. There are the obvious ways of staying alive. There is working out like crazy until you are big as hell like me, but that takes time and no matter how strong you are you are no match for a group such as the Aryan Brotherhood. You could always try and manipulate others, but if that ever backfires on you then you're in deep shit. But Beecher had come up with the easiest and most effective way to keep you alive. Just make people think you're crazy. He did have to go through a few ordeals to pass it off, like shitting in Vern's face or biting of Robson's dick. Keller chuckled to himself. What a dumb ass. I mean I have done plenty of stupid things in my life, but I still have all of my body parts. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Beecher being crazy. It is a simple idea but at the same time it is complex. You just act like you have lost mind and people leave you alone. At the same time you have to learn to walk the line between appearing crazy and looking like a freak. You also have to make sure you know when to turn it off; don't want to end up in the Psych Ward. But Beecher could walk the line between insanity and sanity better than the most experienced tightrope walker. I got that lovely demonstration earlier today. His defense is has worked very well. Schillinger couldn't get any of his Aryan followers to take out Beecher. They were all sacred of him. That is why my services were needed, but if I had been told the whole story I'm not sure whether I would have taken up his offer. Who the hell am I kidding? I would have taken the job. I would have welcomed the challenge. It would have given me something to do while I was in OZ, at least for a while. But sadly I think I might be growing attached to my game. Sadly it looks like I will have to cut my little game of cat and music short. I had some many things I wanted to do, but Vern wanted it done sooner than later. Oh shit! How long have I been talking to myself? I need to get back to my story before Beecher thinks he has done something to make me stop. Why the hell am I worried about what Beecher think about me stopping? And why the hell am I telling him the truth about my life? Oh god! I am closer to him then I thought. How the hell did that happen? This little bastard's more charming then I thought.

Keller was wrong about Beecher; he was not wondering why Keller was silent. He was using the brake in Keller's story to think. It had been a while since Tobias got to try and get into someone's head and figure them out. It reminded him of the old days: before OZ, before the divorce, and before losing the kids when Genevieve moved in with her parents.

I actually feel kind of bad forcing Keller to open up like that. I figured he did not have an easy life like me, but I had no idea it could have been like that. Like me, whom the hell am I kidding? My life was a cakewalk compared to Chris. Now I feel worse about having bitched so much about my problems. I had to annoy the hell out of him with my whining about my life when he has had a life with more trials and tribulations then there are in most soap operas. Hell, Keller had been through more in his teen years then I have experienced in my entire. But how the hell can he hide it so well? I know he is tough, but still he acts like he has had the perfect life most dream about, but in reality his life had been a nightmare. He may not see it that way but there is no way anyone could think it is normal to have that much control over there emotions. It cannot be healthy. I am not a doctor, but I know what stress can do to a body. I have had my fair share of ulcers back when I was practicing law. I cannot imagine what he has gone through holding all of that in. It's fascinating how well he can hide his true feelings. I have had to do it before with different court cases, but I was never good at it. I do not know why I am surprised at it, besides law I have sucked at everything else I have tried. Why should this be any different? I could get through the case but that was about it. I could not keep my real feeling in long after that. Now that I think about it, everyone in OZ is skilled at masking their true feeling; everyone except for me that is. But still even O'Reily, who was the best at it, still had plenty of moments when he would let them slip out. I guess this is Keller's moment of weakness, but still he would not have started if I had not pried it of him. It is not like I broke through his defenses, the way he did with mine. He opened up the steel doors he kept his emotions behind. I wonder if he has ever has ever told his life story before? I do not think so. He just seems to hurt too much when he was talking about it. If he had told the story before it would not have been so raw and emotional this time. Or normally it would not be. Maybe he is just a good actor. Something tells me he is being genuine, and I am pretty good at judging people. Also I do not think he would be able to concoct a tale as tragic as this one. Lets say that he did make up the story; there still is the factor of making it believe able. I use to spend countless hours around liars. I can pick out a lie easier with the accuracy of a sniper. Just another reason I am glad I was a lawyer. Why am I getting sucked in to worrying about this guy? I have learned the hard way that when someone shows any interest in you it is for there own agenda. Whether they want to use you, like Schillinger did, or for help, like O'Reily does. But it is not like he reached out to me like the other two. He just wanted to know what was going on in my head. There is something about the way Keller acts that puts me at easy. When O'Reily is scheming he tries to apply his charm but I have never really trusted him. But for some reason Chris puts me at ease. For some reason I do not get the filling that he has an ulterior motive. What the hell am I think? This is OZ everyone has an ulterior motive. I just have not found out what his is. Then again he may not have one. I do not know. I guess I will give it more time. I have known him for less than twenty-four hours. If I give it sometime I might be able to figure him out.

After a long period of silent, Chris was able to collect himself and continue with his story. "Sorry about the long pause. I got lost in my thoughts. Now what was the last thing I said? Oh yeah the crucifix beating."