There was a long pause before Beecher spoke. He was trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation. "You do not need to apologize. You were sharing personal information with me and I treated you like you were a piece of shit. I'm sorry for being an ass."

"As much as I like hearing that I'm right you don't have anything to apologize for. You acted like any normal person would have. I mean hell you haven't even now me for a day yet. I guess I forgot that and I over reacted."

"Lets just agree that we both fucked other wise we are going to get no where because we are both stubborn as hell."

"Ok I can live with that."

"If you still feel like talking then I will listen. I would understand if you didn't. I mean it had to be quite personal. I know it can be hard to talk about but most of the time it helps you get over things. If you ignore them then they will always be there, but when you talk about them it gives you a chance to heal those old wounds."

"I think you have seen the Shrink one to many times for your own good. You might want to consider a transfer before you turn in to one."

"Say what you will but it has helped me out. I am still a wreck but not as bad as I use to be."

"Wait this is better Beecher. I sure as shit would not want to be in the same room with the old you."

"Hey this is not about me, we were talking about you. I have talked enough about myself for today."

"Yeah I guess you are right. You did do a lot of blabbing earlier didn't you?"

"Hey fuck you ass."

"I was just teasing you. I love it when you get angry it is so funny. Anyways I guess I can continue with my story. It will not be as enjoyable as making fun of you but it only seems to be fair. Where was I at last? Oh yeah I don't think I had told you very much did I? It was work as usual. Actually it was kind of a slower night than usual. After a few hours of just standing around a potential customer finally came by. I told him what I offered but he wasn't interested. He told me he wanted anal and which point I told him to fuck of because I didn't do that shit. I thought he was ok with it because he started to walk away. I made a major mistake right then. I did not wait for him to go away before I turned my back on him. The next thing I know I am waking up on the ground in some alley naked. I tired to get up but each wrist had been tied to my knees. I then heard that guy tell me he was going to what the fuck he wanted out of me. So he um… he uh… he…"

"Raped you."

"Yeah. It happened so long ago you would think that I would have gotten over it by now. But it sill feels like it happened yesterday. I am such a fucking loser."

"Don't say that Chris. What you went through is no way your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened. You have held that shit in for way to long. You have tried to pave over it and pretend like it never happened to do that. No matter how successful you are at pretending that it never happened it would never change the fact that it did. And the longer you keep pretending that you are ok with it the emptier you are going to fill inside. See in this case I know what the hell I am talking about."

"You know that you are the first person I ever told that story to?"

"I had no idea. Why did you?"

"I guess it was because you had told me about what happened to you. I just felt that you wouldn't judge me. That you might understand how I felt. I have always been scared of telling anyone about that. I was scared of what they would say to me, of what they would think about me. I have always tried to not give a shit about what people think about me, but no matter how hard I tired it always effected me. It was like there was this voice in me head saying 'no one is going to like you if they know that' or 'everyone is going to think you are a freak I they knew'. It made me avoid getting trying to get close to anyone for the majority of my life. You are right though it does feel better to have talked about it. Thanks for listening to me bitch."

"No problem I was just returning the favor. Besides I have a question that I want to ask you anyways. You mind?"

"Nah go for it."

"Ok how they fuck do you do that?"

"I do a lot of things Beech. You have to be a little more specific."

"I mean how can you hide your feelings so well. You exude this aura of confidence. This vide that makes you seem like you don't have a care in the world. But yet deep down inside you are the opposite. You have fears and you are insecure as the next guy. How the hell can you hide that so well? I mean when we first talked I thought you did not have a care in the world but now I see that I was wrong?"

"You know I have never thought about it. I mean it has always been something that I have just done. It has become a survival mechanism I guess. I make it look easy now but it was hard as hell getting to this point. I took a lot of practice, but you just have to become numb to the world around you. If you can detach from reality and just bury any emotion that you may experience deep down inside to where you never feel them then you can pretend that you don't give a shit about the world as well."

"It sounds like that would be a pain in the ass to deal with everyday."

"Yeah it can be annoying sometimes. There are days when I don't want to get up in the morning, but they are few and far between. Plus it is much better than dealing with the rest of the shit in my life."

"And what would that 'shit' be?"