Allison and Leah:
Oh we come from a land
From a faraway place
Where young mutants play and roam
Where Colossus is immense
And the fighting is intense
It's barbaric, but hey--it's home!
When the wind's at your back
And the sun's from the west
And your genes have mutated right…
Come on down,
Stop on by
Sprout some wings and fly
To the X-Mansion, mutant high!
X-men fights
Like X-men dates
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
in a lot of good ways!
X-men fights
In the danger room
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
In there to his doom!
Allison: Hey, how's it going?
Leah: Good evening! Come a little bit closer! (camera zooms in and hits them)
Allison: That's a little too close… (camera zooms out) There we go! Welcome to New York in Westchester county-
Leah: Home of the X-Men!
Allison: Anyways there's a lot of cool stuff here…including this image inducer! (holds up image inducer) Leah, demonstrate.
Leah: (puts on image inducer on and changes into Allison and back) Made by Shi'ar technology, the finest! (takes it off) It's virtually indestructible! (Bangs it against table) See?
Allison: (kinda nudging Leah with elbow) Ummm, maybe you shouldn't do that…
Leah: Nonsense! (drops the image inducer, it blows up) …shitshit…is it supposed to do that?
Allison: I don't think so…Oh! Look at this! A can of Flarp! (pulls out flarp) I've never seen one of these intact before! Listen. (sticks thumb in jar and it makes a farting noise) Ah, still good.
(camera starts to leave)
Leah: Wait! Don't go! I can see you want to see the really good stuff! (pulls out flarp and makes a bigger farting noise)
(camera starts to leave again)
Allison: WAIT! Hey Leah, should we show…it…to them?
Leah:…yeah…
Allison: We can see that you are interested in only…exceptionally rare items…
Leah: I think you'd like it if you'd stop and consider this…(sticks hand in pocket and starts digging around for stuff) …hang on… (Takes out a deck of cards, then a pencil, a pen, an eraser, a notebook, a lamp, a teapot, a shotgun, and more random stuff) …almost there…oh, I wondered where I put that…Here we go! (pulls out a lighter) Do not be fooled by it's common appearance! Like Nightcrawler, It is not what is on the outside, but on the inside that counts.
(camera starts to leave again)
Allison: Wait, this is no ordinary lighter! It once changed the course of a young man's life. He was like this lighter, more than what he seemed.
Leah: A diamond in the rough.
Allison: Do you want to hear the story? (flicks open the lighter)
It begins on a dark night, where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose…
Magneto: You…are late.
Toad: A thousand apologies master, generous, patient master.
Magneto: Do you have it?
Toad: Of course master! Faithful Toad has brought it to master! (Drives over a big rig with half of a Sentinel.) Wait master, what about the reward?
Magneto: Trust me, you will get what's coming to you.
Pietro : What's coming to you!
(Magneto uses his power to bring up the other half of the sentinel and connects them. The sentinel's eyes light up and it flies toward the dunes)
Magneto: Quickly! Follow the trail!
(Magneto uses his powers to make him and Toad fly after the sentinel, Pietro runs. The sentinel separates into two and the halves plunge into the dune. All that remains are two glowing
points of light on the dune. But then the dune begins to rise
up, transforming into a giant lion's head, with the glowing
points serving as the eyes. )
Magneto: At last, after all my years of searching, the cave
of wonders!
Pietro: Cave of wonders!
Toad: o.O Master! Look!
Magneto: Now, remember! Bring me the lighter. The rest of the
treasure is yours, but the lighter is mine!
(Toad starts to approach the lion's mouth, which forms the
entrance to the cave. He chuckles as he goes.)
Pietro: The lighter! The lighter! Father, where'd you dig this loser up?
(Magneto puts his finger to his lips and shushes him. Toad reaches
the cave, but is blown away by the roar of the cave's speaking.)
Cave: Who disturbs my slumber?
Toad: It is I, Toad, a humble mutant.
Cave: Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose
worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.
(Toad turns to Magneto with a questioning look.)
Magneto: What are you waiting for? Go on!
(Toad hesitates, then moves one foot inside the cave. With
great apprehension, he plants his foot down. Nothing happens.
Relieved, he begins his trek again. Then another roar comes.
He turns back, but the lion's mouth slams shut and the dune
collapses back to normal. All that are left are Magneto, Pietro,
and the two separated halves of the medallion.)
Cave: Seek thee out, the diamond in the rough.
(Pietro unburied himself from the sand, coughing as he does so.)
Pietro: I can't believe it. I just don't believe it. We're
never gonna get a hold of that stupid lighter! Just
forget it. Look at this. Look at this. I'm so
ticked off that I'm getting leg cramps! (He runs up to
Magneto.)
Magneto: Patience, Pietro. Patience. Toad was obviously
less than worthy.
Pietro: (Extremely sarcastically) Oh, there's a big
surprise. That's an incred--I think I'm gonna have
a heart attack and die from not surprise! What're
we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big prob-
(Magneto holds up his hand.)
Magneto: Yes, we do. Only one may enter. I must find this
one, this...diamond in the rough.