(Cut
to int. of Professor's chamber. Magneto is
there with Pietro, Rogue and the Professor.)
Professor:
Erik, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all
your years of loyal service... . From now on,
you are to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me,
before they are sent to the Arctic!
Magneto: I assure
you, your highness, it won't happen again.
Professor:
(oblivious the Rogue still hates Magnus) Rogue, Erik, now let's
put this whole messy
business behind us. Please?
Magneto: My most
abject and humblest apologies to you as
well, Rogue. (He takes her hand to kiss it, but
she yanks it away.)
Rogue: At least some
good will come of my being forced to
marry. When I am headmaster, I will have the
power to get rid of you.
Professor: That's nice. All
settled, then. Now, Rogue,
getting back to this suitor business, (he
looks and sees Rogue walking out) Rogue?
Rogue! (He wheels after her.)
Magneto: If
only I had gotten that lighter!
Pietro:
(As Rogue) I will have the power to get rid of
you! D'oh! To think--we gotta keep kissing
up to that chump, and his chump daughter for the
rest of our lives...
Magneto: No, my son. Only
until she finds a chump husband.
Then she'll have us banished--or sent to the
Arctic!
Both: Brrrrrr!
Pietro:
She seems to like doing that...(Has an idea) Oh! Wait a
minute! Wait a minute!
Father? What if you were the chump husband?
Magneto:
(He looks at Pietro in insult) What?
Pietro:
Okay, you marry the princess, all right? Then, uh,
you become headmaster!
Magneto: Oh! Marry the river
rat? I become headmaster. The idea has
merit!
Pietro: Yes,
merit! Yes! And then we drop the Professor and
the little woman off a cliff! (runs up a wall then stops
suddenly to let gravity slam him into the floor)
Kersplat!
Magneto: Pietro, I love the way your foul
little mind works!
(Both laugh)
(we cut to an oasis in the desert, where Harley is
driving.)
Wolverine: (Still as steward) Thank you for choosing Magic
Harley for all yer travel needs. Don't flamin' stand
until the bike has come to a complete stop. (As
Gambit and Storm get off the bike.) Thank you. Good bye, good bye! Thank you!
Good bye! (Back to normal) Well, now. How about
that, Mr. doubting mustafa?
Gambit: Oh, you sure showed me. Now about my three wishes-
Wolverine: Does my heightened hearing deceive me? Three? You are down by
ONE, boy!
Gambit: Ah, no--I never actually wished to get out of the
cave. You did that on your own. #Oh the cleverness of me!#
(Wolverine thinks for a second, then his jaw drops. Begins to go feral, claws snikt out, then he calms down and claws snakt back in.)
Wolverine: Fine Punk, but no more freebies.
Gambit: Fair deal. So, three wishes. I want them to be
good. (To Wolverine) What would you wish for?
(Wolverine is hanging like a hammock between two trees, smoking a cigar.)
Wolverine: Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in
my case, ah, forget it.
Gambit: What? No, tell me.
Wolverine: Freedom.
Gambit: You're a prisoner?
Wolverine: It's all part-and-parcel, the whole genie gig.
(Grows gigantic, voice echoes) Phenomenal cosmic
powers! (Shrinks down, cramped in MAGIC LIGHTER.)
Itty bitty living space. Weapon X always after you…
Gambit: Wolverine, that's terrible.
Wolverine: (Comes out of the Lighter) But, oh--to be free. Not
have to go "Poof! What do you need bub? Poof! What do
you need bub? Poof! What do you need bub?" To be my own
master, such a thing would be greater than all the
magic and all the treasures in all the world! I might even get a girlfriend that won't die! But
what am I talking about, here? Let's get real
here. It's not gonna happen. Wolverine, wake up and
smell the hummus
Gambit: Why not?
Wolverine: The only way I get outta this is if my master
wishes me out. So you can guess how often that's
happened. And Sabertooth kills all of my girlfriends or lovers.
Gambit: I'll do it. I'll set you free.
Wolverine: (Head turns into Pinocchio's with a long nose) Uh
huh, right. Whoop!
Gambit: No, really, I promise. (He pushes the nose back in
and Wolverine's head returns to normal.) After make my
first two wishes, I'll use my third wish to set you
free. (He holds out his hand)
Wolverine: Well, here's hopin' bub. (Shakes Gambit's hand.)
O.K. Let's make some magic! (Turns into a
magician.) So how 'bout it. What is it you want
most?
Gambit: Well, there's this girl--
Wolverine: Eehhh! (Like a buzzer, and Wolverine's chest shows a
heart with a cross through it.) Wrong! I can't
make anybody fall in love, remember?
Gambit: Oh, but Wolverine. She's smart and fun and...
Wolverine: Pretty?
Gambit: Beautiful. She's got these eyes that just...and
this hair, wow...and her smile.
Wolverine: (Sitting in a Parisian cafe with Storm and Harley.)
Ami. C'est l'amour.
Gambit: But she's the princess. To even have a chance, I'd
have to be a--hey, can you make me a prince?
Wolverine: Let's see here. (Has a "Royal Cookbook".) Uh,
chicken a'la king? (Pulls out a chicken with a
crown on its head) Nope. Alaskan king crab?
(Yanks out his finger, and we see SEBASTIAN the crab from
"The Little Mermaid" clamped on.) Ow, I
hate it when they do that. Caesar's salad? (A
dagger comes out and tries to stab him.) Et tu,
Brute? Ah, to make a prince. (Looks slyly at
Gambit.) Now is that an official wish? Say the
words!
Gambit: Wolverine, I wish for you to make me a prince!
Wolverine: All right! (Takes on square
shoulders and looks like Arsenio Hall. Then becomes
a tailor/fashion designer.) First, that trench coat and
metal boot combo is much too third century. This
BO-STAFF--what are we trying to say--thief? No!
Let's work with me here. (He takes Gambit's
measurements, snaps his fingers and Gambit is
outfitted in his prince costume.) I like it, muy
macho! Now, still needs something. What does it
say to me? It says mode of transportation. Excuse
me, goddess girl! Aqui, over here! (Storm tries to
hide behind Harley, but Wolverine zaps her and
she flies over.)
Storm: By the Goddess!
Wolverine: Here he comes, (Gambit and Wolverine are on a game
show set, where Gambit stands behind a podium with
"Gumbo" on it.) And what better way to make your
grand entrance on the streets of New York, than
in your very own brand new Millennium Falcon! Watch out,
bounty hunters track it! (A door bearing Wolverine's head on it
opens, where Storm is transformed into the Millennium Falcon. Boba Fett appears on cue. But Wolverine's not sure.) Mmm, not enough. (He snaps his
fingers and Storm turns into a fancy Lamborghini.)
Still not enough. Let's see. What do you need?
(Wolverine snaps his fingers repeatedly, turning
Storm into: the Blackbird, an ostrich, a turtle, and a '57
Cadillac, with license plate "STORMY 1." Finally, she's returned to
normal.) Yes! Esalalumbo, shimin dumbo! Whoa!
(And on the keyword of the spell, Dumbo, Storm turns
into an elephant.) Talk about your trunk
space, check this action out!
(Storm sees her reflection in a pool of water, then jumps into a tree.
The tree naturally bends right back down to the ground, where Storm
hangs on and looks at Gambit upside down.)
Gambit: Stormy, you look good.
Wolverine: He's got the outfit, he's got the elephant, but
we're not through yet. Hang on to your trench coat,
bub, cause we're gonna make you a star!
(We zoom out slowly with the oasis in the distance, as fireworks
begin to explode outward.)
