Chapter 3: Coach Humphrey (written on January 14th, 2022)

"Incoming!" yelled Humphrey. The Omega jumped from a rocky ledge and splashed the puddle of mud below. Playing in mud was one of the most classic Omega activities.

"Shall we do the wolf pile?" asked Mooch from the ledge.

"Mooch! Mooch! No, no, no!"

"Too late!" he shouted as he jumped. The obese wolf landed on Humphred's back. Mud flew in all directions.

"OW! We're middle-aged now! You're much heavier! Ow!"

"Dad? Dad!" The voice came from Stinky.

"This is our coach?" said Agnes.

"Apparently," Brent replied.

"I want to be traded." The porcupine was disappointed.

"Mooch, lay off the fatty portions of the caribou," said Humphrey. He pushed the plump wolf off of him. "Hey. What's up?"

"Dad, meet the Western team!" said Claudette.

"Ha, ha! Western team? Oh! You guys really want to mud wrestle against the Omegas!"

"Dad, this is team Western Region... for... the Great Games! You said it was for all the critters."

"Yeah..." Humphrey nodded reluctantly.

"So we invited everyone!"

"Wow. They are one bird short of Noah's ark," Mooch commented.

"Bird? Bird? Ow!" Agnes pricked the cub's arm before he had another breakdown.

"But, Dad, we have a small problem. We need a coach."

"Okay, another reason you can't play. Your mother is out of town as are all the Alphas." Claudette maintained her smile.

"I know, Coach." Mooch then laughed.

"What...? You want me to be your coach for the competition?"

"Well, you'd be good for the Miss Congeniality portion," said Mooch, elbowing Humphrey's back.

"Dad, we need the help. You know, the adult in the cave." Mooch then laughed again.

"Claudette, I don't think—"

"Dog, help the girl out," said Mooch. "She went to all this trouble." Humphrey sighed.

"Okay..."

September 19th, 2012

"Coach Humphrey. Huh, who knew?" It was now the morning. The Western team had been sleeping in Humphrey and Kate's den at the top of Mt. Victory. Humphrey did not know much about Alpha business, but he did have an Alpha mate. He sought to follow her example, and one of the things that Kate always did was wake up early. "Okay, sleepy heads! It's time for training! Come on now! Let's do it! Coach's orders!" The animals made it outside the den. They were all groggy as they lined up in front of Humphrey. "Today we are gonna train and train hard! Brent, you look tired."

"Yeah, well. Actually, uh... I usually sleep until noon."

"Me too," Humphrey replied. Brent then collapsed and fell asleep. Even the Omega had trouble keeping his eyes open. In one moment, he shook his head after he nearly collapsed himself. "What is this? Hibernation season?"

Throughout the day, Humphrey introduced them to a number of exercises that he created spontaneously. One of them involved him sitting on a log while the Western team pushed it up a hill. "Come on, now! Push, push! Fight for it!"

As another exercise, Humphrey pretended to be a rabid wolf and chased the team to see how fast they could run.

"Mad wolf!" Brent yelled.

"RUN!" screamed Runt.

"RUN!" screamed Brent.

"Dad, careful!" said Claudette.

"Come on now. Lift those legs!" said her father.

"I did not sign up for this!" said Agnes. The porcupine had the worst endurance out of everybody.

An hour later, Humphrey had them run through the forest. He stayed in the back of the group to keep an eye on each team member.

"Keep the pace! Faster, faster! Show me what you got!" Suddenly, Agnes shot ahead.

"Oh, no. Oh, no," said Brent.

"What?" said the coach, confused.

"She's taking off again!" Once again, it seemed that her feet were not touching the ground, but this time, it was clear that they were not. Agnes turned into a spinning ball of spines careening through the air! The ball of spines ricocheted off an outcrop and shot directly towards Humphrey. He screamed and ducked just in the nick of time. Agnes's spines became lodged in the bark of the tree behind the Omega.

"Shake it off, Agnes. Shake it off." The Omega tried to catch his breath.

Later in the day, Humphrey had them run in the rocky labyrinth on the slopes of Mt. Victory. "Stinky, control your aggression. Runt, stop smiling. This is a competition! This is your life!"

"Dad, was Mom as fast as this when she was a Junior?" asked Claudette. She had been thinking about her mother a lot ever since Mooch said she led the West to a resounding win.

"Focus on the race, not on your mom!" Humphrey instructed.

After the mountain run, the two birds that helped Humphrey and Kate get back to Jasper arrived. The Omega summoned them to help Brent with his bird issues. Paddy had suggested using hypnotherapy. "Okay! Marcel! Paddy! Shock and awe!"

"Now come on, you migrating chirpers," said Marcel. The two birds brought with them some of the blue jays that had been getting on Brent's nerves.

"Just say when, Humphrey," said the duck.

"Okay, Brent. Control yourself," Humphrey ordered. "Charge!" That was the word to release the blue jays.

"Okay, chirpers. Attack!" ordered the goose. Two blue jays swooped down on Brent. The cub tensed up.

"Brent, look at my eyes! Look at my eyes!" said Humphrey. The cub tried his best. "Okay, Paddy, ready for the landing!"

"Storm the beach. Storm the beach!" said Paddy, giving the code phrase to the jays. One perched on Brent's nose while the other zigzagged across his sight. Once under hypnosis, Humphrey gave a suggestive sentence to influence the cub.

"Their little wings flutter around your face... but they don't bother you." It seemed to work. Brent nodded happily. "Okay, Marcel. Retreat! Retreat!"

"Chirpers, flock this way!" The one perched on Brent's nose refused to move. "I said NOW!" The blue jay flew away as Brent waved goodbye.

After fixing Brent, Coach Humphrey attempted to fix Agnes.

"Okay, Agnes. Now get your center of gravity!"

"Okay. I'm getting it! I'm getting it!" The runt was riding the porcupine. He was weighing her down in order to help strengthen Agnes's tiny legs. Unfortunately, that meant being on top of her prickly spines.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"Way to take it for the team, Runt!" said Humphrey.

By dusk, Humphrey and the Western team had climbed up another mountain. They stood near the edge of the cliff and watched the sunset. "I'm starving," said Humphrey.

"Me too," said the cub.

"I saw some leaves back there," added the porcupine.

"Bones, anyone?" Claudette suggested. All of them were panting.