Ranma; Just Plain Hard
'Talk'n about Bitches in Heat'
"Oh..."
"Snap," Ranma finished for Nabiki.
"Is true!" Shampoo exclaimed with adimant yet menacing nods to compliment her statement, "So Pig-bastard husband return China with Shampoo so Shampoo can make life miserable for monkey-fucker, yes?"
"Waitaminnute... hold up, time out," Nabiki exclaimed, pulling herself out of Ranma's arms. She turned to speak to Shampoo, but only managed to gap like a fish out of water. After a few moments, she managed to squeak out, "Baby?"
"Yes," Cologne confirmed, as she balefully glared at the pigtailed young man, "Unfortunately, this miserable example of a male managed to get my Great-granddaughter knocked up." She turned to Shampoo, "Honestly, if you were that horny, I would have gladly pitched in to pay for one of the male prositutes in our village!"
Shampoo looked away, shamefaced, "He say he love Shampoo."
Without turning back around, Nabiki's right hand shot out, and snagged the back of Ranma's windjacket, as he was trying to sneak off. "Did he, now?" She asked in a deceptively sweet voice that sent chills through everyone.
Ranma chuckled nervously, before Shampoo could respond, "Heh, you see, it's like this, Nabiki. You know they were just words and shit..." He immidiately shut up, once Nabiki turned to look at him. Last he recalled, Nabiki's eyes were brown, not blue and glowing.
"Please, do not speak at this moment," Nabiki asked politely in a casual voice. Instead of the fear most sentient beings would feel from facing such a considerably hostile Nabiki, Ranma felt a great deal of anger rise up out of him, but quickly squelched it, realizing it would only make things worse at the moment.
"She's dangerous, that one," Cologne mumbled in awe. The battle aura she was radiating was far from anything usual she would have encountered; it was putting the Soul of Ice to shame.
"So, let me get this straight," Nabiki mused, "Ranma passed through your village, seduced you, knocked you up, and left you behind."
"Hey! Hold up! That shit ain't mine!" Ranma exclaimed in his defense. Nabiki merely looked back to him, quelling any further responce.
"IS TOO YOURS!" Shampoo shouted, "PISSDRINKER NO DENY TAKE SHAMPOO CHASTITY!!!"
"If you had kept your damn legs closed, we wouldn't be in this situation, would we?" Cologne mumbled to herself, probably a bit too loud for her own good.
"WHAT WAS THAT, GREAT-GRANDMOTHER?"
"Ah... nothing... nothing important..." the elderly woman quickly replied, sweating somewhat nervously at the maddened, wide-eyed stare the young Amazon was giving her.
"Excuse us," Nabiki politely requested, as she walked behind the corner with Ranma in tow. "Explain."
"Hey! I don't know what she's tripp'n on, but we all know that ain't my kid, yo!"
Nabiki somewhat relaxed at that, but still felt a certain betrayal at Ranma's actions, even if it was before he met her, "Good, at least you used protection, right?"
"Hell no, can't feel nutt'n wit' dat' shit. We went it raw!"
Nabiki's face tensed up again, "She was on contraceptives?"
"Na, didn't ask all that shit," Ranma retorted, feeling himself relax as he got to explain himself.
"Did you actually have sex with her?" Nabiki's voice had a pleading quality to it, as if she was hoping for the negative reply.
"Oh fuck yea! Bitch was tight as hell, too! Had to work my shit in there! Pretty sure she was a virgin, dayam, I miss that..." Ranma quickly dropped that line of conversation, when he noticed Nabiki's expression darkening with each word. "Ah... but not as tight as your shit. I mean, nutt'n compares to you, you know that, 'aight?"
"So..." Nabiki's tight voice strained out, as she ignored the ill-spoken compliment, "How... pray tell... do you know she isn't having your child?"
"Oh, shit, I just asked her if she was on the rag. Since she didn't know what I was talk'n about, I knew it wasn't that time of month!" Ranma smiled, as his shade gained a seemingly happy reflection, while shrugging innocently, "See? It's all good!"
Nabiki's tight face broke into a cracked smile...
_______________________
"They is running off," Shampoo stated with irritation, as she tapped her foot impatiently.
"They're not running off," Cologne replied in an exasperated tone, "They wouldn't get far if they did."
"If Ranma run off, and Shampoo no get husband, Shampoo be laughing stock of whole village!"
"We both won't let that happen," the Matriarch stated, adimantly, "We will hunt him down to the ends of the Earth, if need be. And we will break him, just as woman was meant to do to such lowly men as-"
Cologne jumped to the side, as the wall next to her exploded outward, with Ranma's body exiting. The unconcious young man came to a stop right at a dumbfounded Shampoo's feet, and both Amazons looked up to where the human projectile originated.
Nabiki stepped through the hole, dusting her hands off, and taking a breath of relief. "I' sorry about that, would you like to come to my home, so that we may talk about this in more private quarters?" She asked, politely, and courteously.
_______________________
"Thank you, this is lovely tea," Cologne complimented. Kasumi smiled in response.
"Why thank you, we hardly use this blend, exept for when we have guests."
"Anyhow," Nabiki started, after taking a sip from her own cup, "How long has it been since you and Ranma..." She trailed off, looking at her boyfriend, as he took a swig from the bottle of sake he commendeered from her father's stash. Soun himself mumbled that Ranma would replace the bottle, but didn't get up from his game of Shougi with Genma. Genma was sweating nervously at the presence of the Amazons, not even really paying attention to the game at all; what with him stealing glances back to the side.
"It one month. Shampoo and Great-Grandmother track Yak-shit bather across China to Japan."
"If Shampoo does not return with Ranma as her husband, she will lose all honor with her peers and betters, and thus, will be unable to take her rightful place as my successor later on."
"Heh, you talk'n like that's my problem, but I ain't hear'n that."
"Oh, it is your problem," Cologne started in a menacing tone, "You see, if you don't acknowledge it's your problem... I'll create a great deal more problems for you to contend with that would make fatherhood seem simplistic in comparison."
"Oh, now you be talk'n funny!" Ranma retorted, almost slamming his bottle into the table, "Shit, I think I'm getting fucking tanked already, it sounded like you were threat'n me!"
Cologne only replied with a stare that openly displayed her malice, anger, and contempt for the young man, while Ranma pretended to be unphased by it.
"And you're positive it's Ranma's child?" Nabiki asked, really not wanting to deal with all this drama.
"Shampoo with no other!" the young Amazon exclaimed, adimantly.
"Shit! Don't be giving us them fables!" Ranma retorted, "What about that one nigga. You know the one I'm talk'n about... That... that one G! Don't be act'n ignorant!"
"This is just like an episode of Jerry Springer," Akane commented from the side, as she watched events unfold.
"Shampoo no know who you talk about! Ranma is Shampoo baby daddy! You no deny!"
"Um um um um... shit, what was that OG's name?" Ranma continued, ignoring Shampoo's retort, "You know! Tha nigga from your village that you were tight with!"
"It's futile trying to invent people to save your own worthless hide!"
"Yo, Pops! Help me out hea!"
"Leave me out of this, boy," Genma stated firmly, "This is your mess, you clean it up."
"Oh, so it's like that, huh?" Ranma growled back, before his eyebrows raised in recollection, "SNAP! MOUSSE! That was his fucking name!"
"You said she was a virgin when you screwed her," Nabiki replied, factually.
"Shampoo no like word 'screwed'," Shampoo stated in distaste.
"Hold up, this shit happened AFTER all that went down with me and the ho' there!" Genma leapt just in time, to help Cologne, Nabiki, and Akane restrain the quickly enraged lavender haired amazon. Ranma smirked in the face of her fury, and leaned back easily from the table, while taking another swig from the bottle of sake, "And you know she had to get some again after me. No woman can keep their shit locked, once it's been hit!"
At that moment, a knarled staff, two mallets, a bonbori mace, and a frying pan collided with Ranma's head in unison.
"Idiot," exclaimed Cologne, Nabiki, Akane, Shampoo, and Kasumi, in unison.
Though her pride demanded her to drop Ranma like an embarrasing habit, she just couldn't find the strength to. Plus, if felt like admitting she failed with him. "Before we jump to conclusions, I suggest we have a blood test done, to confirm in full truth that Ranma is the father."
"Oh, hell no! You ain't gett'n any of my blood for this!" Ranma stated, sitting up from his impromptu nap.
"Ranma, you have no say in this," Akane answered for Nabiki, since she was only feeling exasperated, not homicidal, "You will participate in the blood test. We'll go see Dr. Tofu tomorrow about it."
"I told ya, you ain't gett'n a drop from me!"
"Shampoo no want drop..."
Ranma dashed back from the table, just as a butterfly sword carved through it, "SHAMPOO WANT POOLS OF IT!!!"
"EASE UP, EASE UP!!!" Ranma commanded, as he ran and dodged the nearly completely wild sword swings from the currently hormonally driven Amazon (Hell you be runn'n and shit, too, no matter how hard you think you are!)
"In the meantime, you're welcome to stay here for as long as you need to," Soun offered.
"Tendou?" Genma stared at his training partner incredulously, before dropping his voice to a stage whisper, "You do realize that this could completely jeapordize our dreams, right?"
"Your move, Saotome," Soun replied with an uncaring voice.
_______________________
Overlooking Tokyo, a young man wearing a white billowing winter jacket, Fubu Jeans, and Wu-Wear Hiking boots stood with an emotionless expression on his face. He moved one of his hands from his coat pocket, and used the index finger on it to push his Lenon glasses further up his nose, and then tosse his head to the side, causing his long jet black ponytail to be shaken from his shoulder. He had finally arrived.
"Ranma Saotome, I've found you at last..."
'Talk'n about Bitches in Heat'
"Oh..."
"Snap," Ranma finished for Nabiki.
"Is true!" Shampoo exclaimed with adimant yet menacing nods to compliment her statement, "So Pig-bastard husband return China with Shampoo so Shampoo can make life miserable for monkey-fucker, yes?"
"Waitaminnute... hold up, time out," Nabiki exclaimed, pulling herself out of Ranma's arms. She turned to speak to Shampoo, but only managed to gap like a fish out of water. After a few moments, she managed to squeak out, "Baby?"
"Yes," Cologne confirmed, as she balefully glared at the pigtailed young man, "Unfortunately, this miserable example of a male managed to get my Great-granddaughter knocked up." She turned to Shampoo, "Honestly, if you were that horny, I would have gladly pitched in to pay for one of the male prositutes in our village!"
Shampoo looked away, shamefaced, "He say he love Shampoo."
Without turning back around, Nabiki's right hand shot out, and snagged the back of Ranma's windjacket, as he was trying to sneak off. "Did he, now?" She asked in a deceptively sweet voice that sent chills through everyone.
Ranma chuckled nervously, before Shampoo could respond, "Heh, you see, it's like this, Nabiki. You know they were just words and shit..." He immidiately shut up, once Nabiki turned to look at him. Last he recalled, Nabiki's eyes were brown, not blue and glowing.
"Please, do not speak at this moment," Nabiki asked politely in a casual voice. Instead of the fear most sentient beings would feel from facing such a considerably hostile Nabiki, Ranma felt a great deal of anger rise up out of him, but quickly squelched it, realizing it would only make things worse at the moment.
"She's dangerous, that one," Cologne mumbled in awe. The battle aura she was radiating was far from anything usual she would have encountered; it was putting the Soul of Ice to shame.
"So, let me get this straight," Nabiki mused, "Ranma passed through your village, seduced you, knocked you up, and left you behind."
"Hey! Hold up! That shit ain't mine!" Ranma exclaimed in his defense. Nabiki merely looked back to him, quelling any further responce.
"IS TOO YOURS!" Shampoo shouted, "PISSDRINKER NO DENY TAKE SHAMPOO CHASTITY!!!"
"If you had kept your damn legs closed, we wouldn't be in this situation, would we?" Cologne mumbled to herself, probably a bit too loud for her own good.
"WHAT WAS THAT, GREAT-GRANDMOTHER?"
"Ah... nothing... nothing important..." the elderly woman quickly replied, sweating somewhat nervously at the maddened, wide-eyed stare the young Amazon was giving her.
"Excuse us," Nabiki politely requested, as she walked behind the corner with Ranma in tow. "Explain."
"Hey! I don't know what she's tripp'n on, but we all know that ain't my kid, yo!"
Nabiki somewhat relaxed at that, but still felt a certain betrayal at Ranma's actions, even if it was before he met her, "Good, at least you used protection, right?"
"Hell no, can't feel nutt'n wit' dat' shit. We went it raw!"
Nabiki's face tensed up again, "She was on contraceptives?"
"Na, didn't ask all that shit," Ranma retorted, feeling himself relax as he got to explain himself.
"Did you actually have sex with her?" Nabiki's voice had a pleading quality to it, as if she was hoping for the negative reply.
"Oh fuck yea! Bitch was tight as hell, too! Had to work my shit in there! Pretty sure she was a virgin, dayam, I miss that..." Ranma quickly dropped that line of conversation, when he noticed Nabiki's expression darkening with each word. "Ah... but not as tight as your shit. I mean, nutt'n compares to you, you know that, 'aight?"
"So..." Nabiki's tight voice strained out, as she ignored the ill-spoken compliment, "How... pray tell... do you know she isn't having your child?"
"Oh, shit, I just asked her if she was on the rag. Since she didn't know what I was talk'n about, I knew it wasn't that time of month!" Ranma smiled, as his shade gained a seemingly happy reflection, while shrugging innocently, "See? It's all good!"
Nabiki's tight face broke into a cracked smile...
_______________________
"They is running off," Shampoo stated with irritation, as she tapped her foot impatiently.
"They're not running off," Cologne replied in an exasperated tone, "They wouldn't get far if they did."
"If Ranma run off, and Shampoo no get husband, Shampoo be laughing stock of whole village!"
"We both won't let that happen," the Matriarch stated, adimantly, "We will hunt him down to the ends of the Earth, if need be. And we will break him, just as woman was meant to do to such lowly men as-"
Cologne jumped to the side, as the wall next to her exploded outward, with Ranma's body exiting. The unconcious young man came to a stop right at a dumbfounded Shampoo's feet, and both Amazons looked up to where the human projectile originated.
Nabiki stepped through the hole, dusting her hands off, and taking a breath of relief. "I' sorry about that, would you like to come to my home, so that we may talk about this in more private quarters?" She asked, politely, and courteously.
_______________________
"Thank you, this is lovely tea," Cologne complimented. Kasumi smiled in response.
"Why thank you, we hardly use this blend, exept for when we have guests."
"Anyhow," Nabiki started, after taking a sip from her own cup, "How long has it been since you and Ranma..." She trailed off, looking at her boyfriend, as he took a swig from the bottle of sake he commendeered from her father's stash. Soun himself mumbled that Ranma would replace the bottle, but didn't get up from his game of Shougi with Genma. Genma was sweating nervously at the presence of the Amazons, not even really paying attention to the game at all; what with him stealing glances back to the side.
"It one month. Shampoo and Great-Grandmother track Yak-shit bather across China to Japan."
"If Shampoo does not return with Ranma as her husband, she will lose all honor with her peers and betters, and thus, will be unable to take her rightful place as my successor later on."
"Heh, you talk'n like that's my problem, but I ain't hear'n that."
"Oh, it is your problem," Cologne started in a menacing tone, "You see, if you don't acknowledge it's your problem... I'll create a great deal more problems for you to contend with that would make fatherhood seem simplistic in comparison."
"Oh, now you be talk'n funny!" Ranma retorted, almost slamming his bottle into the table, "Shit, I think I'm getting fucking tanked already, it sounded like you were threat'n me!"
Cologne only replied with a stare that openly displayed her malice, anger, and contempt for the young man, while Ranma pretended to be unphased by it.
"And you're positive it's Ranma's child?" Nabiki asked, really not wanting to deal with all this drama.
"Shampoo with no other!" the young Amazon exclaimed, adimantly.
"Shit! Don't be giving us them fables!" Ranma retorted, "What about that one nigga. You know the one I'm talk'n about... That... that one G! Don't be act'n ignorant!"
"This is just like an episode of Jerry Springer," Akane commented from the side, as she watched events unfold.
"Shampoo no know who you talk about! Ranma is Shampoo baby daddy! You no deny!"
"Um um um um... shit, what was that OG's name?" Ranma continued, ignoring Shampoo's retort, "You know! Tha nigga from your village that you were tight with!"
"It's futile trying to invent people to save your own worthless hide!"
"Yo, Pops! Help me out hea!"
"Leave me out of this, boy," Genma stated firmly, "This is your mess, you clean it up."
"Oh, so it's like that, huh?" Ranma growled back, before his eyebrows raised in recollection, "SNAP! MOUSSE! That was his fucking name!"
"You said she was a virgin when you screwed her," Nabiki replied, factually.
"Shampoo no like word 'screwed'," Shampoo stated in distaste.
"Hold up, this shit happened AFTER all that went down with me and the ho' there!" Genma leapt just in time, to help Cologne, Nabiki, and Akane restrain the quickly enraged lavender haired amazon. Ranma smirked in the face of her fury, and leaned back easily from the table, while taking another swig from the bottle of sake, "And you know she had to get some again after me. No woman can keep their shit locked, once it's been hit!"
At that moment, a knarled staff, two mallets, a bonbori mace, and a frying pan collided with Ranma's head in unison.
"Idiot," exclaimed Cologne, Nabiki, Akane, Shampoo, and Kasumi, in unison.
Though her pride demanded her to drop Ranma like an embarrasing habit, she just couldn't find the strength to. Plus, if felt like admitting she failed with him. "Before we jump to conclusions, I suggest we have a blood test done, to confirm in full truth that Ranma is the father."
"Oh, hell no! You ain't gett'n any of my blood for this!" Ranma stated, sitting up from his impromptu nap.
"Ranma, you have no say in this," Akane answered for Nabiki, since she was only feeling exasperated, not homicidal, "You will participate in the blood test. We'll go see Dr. Tofu tomorrow about it."
"I told ya, you ain't gett'n a drop from me!"
"Shampoo no want drop..."
Ranma dashed back from the table, just as a butterfly sword carved through it, "SHAMPOO WANT POOLS OF IT!!!"
"EASE UP, EASE UP!!!" Ranma commanded, as he ran and dodged the nearly completely wild sword swings from the currently hormonally driven Amazon (Hell you be runn'n and shit, too, no matter how hard you think you are!)
"In the meantime, you're welcome to stay here for as long as you need to," Soun offered.
"Tendou?" Genma stared at his training partner incredulously, before dropping his voice to a stage whisper, "You do realize that this could completely jeapordize our dreams, right?"
"Your move, Saotome," Soun replied with an uncaring voice.
_______________________
Overlooking Tokyo, a young man wearing a white billowing winter jacket, Fubu Jeans, and Wu-Wear Hiking boots stood with an emotionless expression on his face. He moved one of his hands from his coat pocket, and used the index finger on it to push his Lenon glasses further up his nose, and then tosse his head to the side, causing his long jet black ponytail to be shaken from his shoulder. He had finally arrived.
"Ranma Saotome, I've found you at last..."