CHAPTER 3

Nathan rose early, he had not slept. His hopes of falling asleep and stopping the merry-go-round in his head were long gone. If anything, the darkness, and quiet which he so often cherished seemed to make things ten times worse. Just after first light he rose, washed, and dressed. He looked in on Allie, she was fast asleep, that was a blessing. He did not want to wake her so early; he would leave a note, tell her to join him later in the day if she wanted to. She was used to being home by herself, being alone held no worries for her normally, if she did not come into town later, he would check on her after his rounds.

He made a pot of coffee, he could not face breakfast, hot and strong, he needed that this morning. Half an hour later and he was making his way into town. The beauty of being up this early was there was hardly ever anyone about. He knew that it would not be long before the news of Elizabeth's choice would spread around the town. As strong as he normally was, he did not know how he would cope with all the well-meaning "sorrys" and kind words. Let me get through this day, he thought.

He unlocked the door to the jailhouse and paused before he went in, wondering if he would ever be able to enter this building again and not feel the hurt, it seemed to radiate from every corner. He lit the stove and set another pot of coffee on to brew. One cup and he would head out early on his rounds.

As Nathan approached the livery, he saw Lee's car coming down the road. He waited and Lee pulled up.

"Glad I caught you Nathan before you headed off. I passed your message onto Elizabeth. I must admit that I was a bit shocked at her response, I believe she was expecting Allie to be at school this morning. I am afraid I did have to say something. Anyway, all done Nathan."

"Thanks for that Lee. One less worry."

"Did you get any sleep last night?"

"No not really, but maybe tonight will be better".

Lee and Rosemary had lain awake for quite a while themselves; they were concerned about Nathan's next move. He had little reason to stay in Hope Valley now. They and the whole community would need to let him know how much he was valued not only as their Mountie, their protector but also their friend and a huge part of the community.

"Oh Nathan, Rosemary is concerned about Allie being on her own all day. She wondered if it was OK with you if she called in on her and ask if she would like to come to work with her, write an article for the newspaper maybe. I said I would ask you."

"I would appreciate it if she did Lee, I am concerned about her being on her own today."

"Not a problem, I will telephone and tell her. It will make her happy. Now you get on your way and be careful out there."

"I will "he half smiled "and thanks again, Lee.

Lee had just sat down at his desk when the door opened, and Bill came steaming in.

"Are you OK Bill?"

"I was just looking for Nathan, he seems to have left the jail-house in a bit of rush judging by the state of his desk. Not like him at all. I wondered if something had kicked off somewhere."

"Have you seen him since yesterday, Bill?"

"Not since early in the morning, why is there trouble somewhere?"

"Well, that depends on what you class as trouble, have you got time for a coffee?"

"Now I am intrigued so yes I have."

He pulled up the other chair and sat, Lee, handed him a cup. "I will tell you what I know

Bill but for now this is between Rosemary, myself, and you."

Lee relayed the events of last night and this morning.

"We are concerned Bill. The man who came to ask us for help last night seems a broken man, to use Rosemary's words. We are worried what he might do, I have a strong suspicion we may lose our trusted Mountie and friend."

"What makes you think that, did he say he was thinking of leaving?"

"Not in as many words. I think he is trying to formulate a plan; he did say he was going to take things one step at a time. But if you think about it, staying here or leaving and starting afresh somewhere else is going to be one of the first steps, well we thought so, didn't you?"

"Well, I guess it would be Lee, you are right there. Have to say I am shocked that Elizabeth has chosen Lucas. I saw a great future ahead for her and Nathan, Allie and little Jack, he would have made our boy a grand father Lee."

"Rosemary and I had that very conversation this morning, what a wonderful family they would have all made."

"I thought he would be here for life. He is a dam fine Mountie, one of the best, Hope Valley is lucky to have him. No Lee, we cannot let him just walk away, if we can do anything to encourage him to stay, we must. I wonder?"

"Wonder what Bill?"

"Just me planning as I do Lee. Thanks for the coffee and I will let you know if I come up with anything, I may have a temporary solution at least."

As he turned to leave, he added "I will watch for him coming back, won't let on what you told me, see what he says."

"Keep me updated Bill. Once school is out word will start to spread as the children will all want to know why Allie wasn't there today."

"Will do, we have got to do all we can to keep them here."

At that Bill left Lee poured himself another coffee. Rosemary would be in soon, hopefully with Allie and he needed to appear calm, not worried about her uncle.

Nathan had taken his time this morning, he was in no rush to get back. Out here on his own, he could at least try to think. Truth be known Newton had done the rounds this morning he was so lost in thought.

On arriving back, he went straight to the jailhouse and was surprised to see Bill sitting at his desk, or was he? He knew word would start to spread soon.

"Any coffee in that pot Bill?"

"Freshly brewed, and you look like you need it."

"Not wrong their Bill."

"I bumped into Lee this morning, so are you going to tell me what's going on, he said I needed to talk to you."

"Did he say why?"

"No" Bill fibbed "Just that he thought I should try and catch you today."

Nathan relived the previous day again as Bill listened in disbelief.

When he had finished before he could think he found himself saying

"Bill if I ask you something will you be honest with me?"

"Always, you should know that."

"I do, but this may seem like a strange question. Do I remind you of Jack?"

"What sort of bloody question is that?"

"It is beating me up, Bill. Elizabeth told me that the reason she has been sending out all the signals that I have read for love for me were in fact because she saw Jack in me, she looked at me and was seeing him."

Bill was lost for words. Lee had not told him that bit, did he even know that bit, probably not. Nathan was a proud man, a good man. To be truthful, hearing him talk this way was a shock.

"Nathan, I knew Jack very well, he was like a son to me if I am honest. But, after 3 years working with you, I think I know you just as well, we have a connection too, or I see it that way. You share the same qualities when it comes to a Mounties duty, you both put the safety of Hope Valley and its residents first, both of you being noble, brave approachable, all the qualities a good Mountie needs. You both wear the red serge. Other than that, you are totally different men."

Bill had got to know Nathan well over the last three years, well enough to understand the impact a statement like that would have on him. He knew all about what had happened at Fort Clay now, why Nathan had asked for a transfer here, why he had turned down a much sought after promotion. He had known for a while that Nathan had fallen in love with Elizabeth, how much more he would have given up for her. Bill also knew that Elizabeth had been acting out of character for a while now, but really. No, he did not buy that at all, sounded like some feeble excuse to him.

"I thought I had my life more or less planned out" Nathan continued "Now I think I am about to turn those plans upside down."

"What are you planning to do?"

"Leave Bill, ask for a transfer at least, I need to get away from Hope Valley, start afresh. Somewhere not steeped in memories. To be honest Bill my thoughts are all over the place right now, and you know that is not me. "

"Now don't go making any rash decisions in the heat of the moment. Look, don't you have outstanding leave? Get on the telephone to Headquarters and ask for some urgent leave, I haven't much on this next couple of weeks and can cover. If you get clear away from here, you may be able to think a bit clearer. You were just saying the other day about visiting your mother. Why not do that?"

"Sure, you don't mind Bill?"

"Would I offer if I did lad, I will help any way I can?"

Nathan did not have to think about it for long. It was the perfect solution for now at least. Time away from here might help him clear the fog from his brain. He rang HQ straight away and they agreed to two weeks' leave starting in the morning.

Around lunchtime he popped across to check on Allie, Lee said they were "off doing women's stuff "whatever that meant. That was a good sign.

He cleared all the bits and pieces he had been working on, locked the door, and took the keys to Bill.

Two days later he and Allie headed out of Hope Valley, as they left, he did feel a relief, step three he thought.

What Nathan had not seen was Elizabeth watching them leave, Bill had thought. As he walked down the street past the saloon, she approached him.

"Where are Nathan and Allie going Bill? They aren't leaving us, are they?"

Bill loved Elizabeth, he did not particularly like the person she had become of late, he had to bite his tongue.

"Sorry, Elizabeth but I don't see what concern that is of yours any more. Now if you will excuse me, I must get on and do the rounds. Good day."

She stood for a moment looking down the road, ``what have I done she thought".