CHAPTER 39
After eating perfectly cooked fish again, with fresh bread, Nathan had brought and a salad of wild leaves Bea had foraged, they cleared away.
"Will you see to the boys if I go and retrieve a jug of elderflower saft I left cooling in the steam, we can have a glass of that to wash dinner down, or there is coffee if you prefer, must admit a whisky would have been better but I didn't think to bring any."
"A cool drink sounds perfect, then we talk?"
"Then we talk Nathan, until daylight if we have to."
Once again they sat on the steps, Bea swallowed hard...
"Nathan I know Colin told you that to try and understand me better, why I am the way I am then you should try and find out what you could about Old Souls. He was right, back home that is what they think of me as, the older ones have known me since I was born, they have passed their knowledge onto the younger ones. Everyone knows, they don't question me. They are my protection. I am their treasure, they say. I don't see myself that way, I am what I am, I have known no different. There are many things I have no answer for, they just happen or are, oh you must tell me about the rustlers don't forget, things like that I mean. I don't know why I saw what I did, but I was right. "Did you discover anything ?"
"Not really Bea, I did ask Mum if she had ever heard the term used before, she had as a child and told me what she could remember. I asked Joseph too. He understood why you would be called that, in his eyes, you were a gift from God, which you are. I really want to know though Bea, I really want to try and understand. No matter what you will always just be Bea to me, I don't care about all the other stuff, you are just Bea, hopefully, my Bea."
"Nathan do you even know how much that means," she lent over and kissed him. He pulled her in close and she rested her head on his shoulder, to be just Bea was the best thing in the world right now.
"I need to tell you why I came to Hope Valley Nathan but to do that I have to relive that one event I fear, that one I don't really want to see again. I know I have to tell the story once, it has to be told so I can deal with it, get it out the way and I have known for a while that it would be you I told. The men who found me that day guessed what had happened but I have never actually told anyone. This all does tie in, I promise."
"If it's too painful I don't need to know, I understand."
"No Nathan," she said, holding her hand to that spot at the bottom of her ribs, "this Old Soul needs this story telling once, this old soul knows you are the one who must hear it."
"Then tell me princess, I will listen, I will hear you."
And he did. Bea started at the very beginning, she told him how she left home that morning hoping to catch one last glimpse of this year's wild roses
How no one had been around so she had written "Bluebell Wood" on the chalkboard in the stables. How Skye had come with her, as old as he was getting he would not let her out of his sight. How, when she dismounted in the wood Skye had started to bark and stamp, Hugh had trained him to do that, there was a trap nearby. She saw it but what she didn't know was it was a double trap, as she bent to release the noose on the one she could see she had stood on a bigger one, a deer trap.
Nathan saw her change colour, he saw the fear and pain in her face, she started to shake.
"Bea, this is going to tear you apart, I don't need to know."
Through tears she said again "I need to tell it just once. The other day when we saw the fawn I knew his fear, I had been trapped too. The spear had shot up the back of my leg going in just above my knee and coming out near my bottom. I was stuck. I was trapped, I was bleeding out, I couldn't free myself, I was in agony."
Nathan could have been sick, even the thought made him want to scream in pain. He got up and went and sat behind her, his legs on either side of her, and just pulled her in so tight.
"I have you Bea, I have you."
"At this point I started drifting in and out of consciousness, I remember thinking if I don't try and stop the bleeding I have no chance, Skye was just standing over me, his collar if I could get that off I could use it as a tourniquet, I must have managed and told him to fetch help. My beautiful boy did just that, he ran all the way back, created a right scene in the yard, no collar, blood, and no injury could only mean one thing Stan told me later. Nathan, they knew where I was because of the board. That is how it saved my life. That and Skye. As I told you he gave his life to save mine. Exhausted, he had slept in front of the fire that night and never woke up."
She was crying now and he pulled her in closer, kissing the top of her head.
"I knew no more until a few days later when I woke up in hospital. I was lucky to be alive. The men had found me quickly, all of them never wanting to see such a sight again. I had been rushed to hospital and was very lucky that one of the country's leading trauma surgeons worked there. I was weak, very weak, and in constant pain but I was alive. I was recovering well but slowly, then the thing they had all feared struck, I had an infection somewhere and within hours I was unconscious again."
She seemed to ease a bit now, lifting one of his hands she kissed it. This is the bit where you have to believe that something's just can't be explained. As she told him about the vision, dream, whatever it was the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, he knew what she was going to say..." Although I felt that going forward was the way to go, something was pulling me in the opposite direction, it was like walking through a bog, every step was so hard, I started saying to myself..."
"Bea stop," he said "Stop there I know what you said tell me if I am wrong, you said One step at a time, don't rush and all will be well, is that right?"
She turned to face him, he was smiling at her, he cupped her face, "That is right isn't it?"
"Word for word, but how?"
"One of the things I wanted to talk to you about was my painful story, the one I didn't want to relive. It is nowhere near the horror you faced princess but I had a similar experience, I heard you that day Bea, I heard those exact words, and that is how I worked my way through, by taking the advice of this mystery voice, one step at a time. If you knew how many times I prayed to hear you again. Now you finish, I still don't understand this totally."
"Well just as I was about to give up I heard a voice, saying, Hope. I thought at the time it meant I had to hope but I leaned differently later. Anyway as I reached the end of this path in this vision, dream whatever it was I awoke, my fever had broken, I was back in the land of the living again. I had been spared twice. For some reason, this Old Soul was not giving up."
Bea went on to tell the rest of the story, about Uncle Charles and the article, and from that point on knowing something was calling her to Hope Valley. That is why she came." I know it all sounds far-fetched, silly even but that is how I ended up here."
"And have you figured that out yet, what it is or was?"
She freed herself from his arms and stood up, pulling him to his feet too. He was one step higher than her so she pulled him down. Placing her palms flat against his chest she looked straight into those amazing eyes of his, they were the window to his soul...
"Nathan, do you really need me to answer that? You Constable Nathan Grant are the reason, you and you alone, it was your voice that called me to Hope."
Her eyes were full as were his.
"Bea, do you believe that, mean that ?"
"Nathan I love you, more than life itself, I love you like I never knew anyone ever could. From that moment I nearly scared you to death that first morning in the livery. Every day my feelings have grown stronger, this, whatever it is I feel is far beyond love. I hope my intuition is right, I hope you..."
"He lifted his hands and placed them gently on either side of her neck " Bea I love you too, so many times I have wanted to tell you but I have been a coward, I was scared if you didn't feel the same and I had it wrong then you would go. I got it so wrong before. I love you princess, I love you too."
Now Bea was crying, he drew her close and kissed her so gently, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, then they just held each other, neither wanting to let go.
He eventually pulled back, Bea will you say those words to me, so I can actually see you say them. You were my saviour you know, I would lie awake at night hoping to hear you again, to put a picture to the voice, that is why I was so shocked that morning in the livery, I heard you talking to Hero, I knew it was the same voice. I thought I was hearing things again and then you popped up, never in my wildest dreams had I pictured you as you are.
"One step at a time, take your time, don't rush and all will be well."
" I don't know how Bea, I don't care but it was you I heard, who spoke to me in the woods that day, you saved me then and you have today."
"I don't care either but I know it was you who gave me hope to cling on to, we saved each other, our reward is this love we now share. In case you want to hear it again, I love you Nathan."
"Come on, let's go inside it is getting chilly, I need to know how you heard me, can you tell me, I understand if you can't."
"Having listened to you, then I know I can tell you my story, maybe you are the only one who will hear this, like you I have told no one."
As she listened Bea could see and feel the heartbreak he had felt, his sense of loss and of being lost.
"It was the strangest sensation, watching everything unfold as if I was a spectator. It didn't last long, when I heard your voice I thought someone was there, I actually looked about. I would never tell anyone else this, it sounds crazy, but I know you will understand."
Taking his hands as she sat opposite him " I do, it is one of those questions we can't answer, that most others would never understand. The only thing that really matters is we know."
"You are right, we know how lucky we are, we must never forget that."
"Never, ever, whatever happens between us. We must always be honest, we must never hold secrets, we must be open with each other. That is why I have two other things I need to tell you, they are not secrets they are things I think you need to know before you decide where our future lies."
"Why do you say before I decide, surely that should be we?"
"Let me tell you, then maybe you will see why I say you. Firstly you need to know that I am a very wealthy woman. Dad left me money and then I inherited Uncle Harry's fortune, and it is a fortune. I didn't want it and I would give every penny back if it meant I had a few more hours with either of them. Many in my position would live a society life, that's not me.
I have what I need to live on, I am more than capable of earning a living, so it sits just gathering interest, Uncle Charles and a firm of investment bankers take care of it. If I see a need then I give, I try to pass on the good fortune I have had."
" OK, and why would that make a difference? It doesn't alter you, the person I love, oh it is good to be able to just that out loud" he was smiling.
She shook her head " I hoped it wouldn't be but you needed to know. In my eyes what is mine would become ours, many men would resent the fact I was wealthier than they could ever be, many have suddenly shown interest in me, Uncle Charles saw them off" she said laughing. "You are neither of those. I know that it is part of who I am and I felt you should know."
"The second one is a bit harder, it may have more impact on your decision, and as tough as it would be I will understand if it makes a difference. This is all so new to us both, we have only known each other for a matter of weeks, looking ahead, the decisions we make, where we go from here who knows. I am guessing like most that you have envisaged your life going forward, knowing you as I do then at some point you would want to start a family."
She got up at this point and knelt in front of him, he could see the tears in her eyes, she was now looking at the floor trying to hide them, he lifted her chin, "Is that so bad, to me it would be heaven?"
"To me too but Nathan but I am sorry, I would never be able to fulfill that dream. I have been told that it is highly unlikely I will ever be able to have children. I wouldn't be able to give you the joy of having little ones and I know how much that would mean to you. You are a born father, look how you are with Allie. I would never deny you that chance, I love you far too much to do that."
Her tears were flowing now. He pulled her up and tapped his lap, " Here Miss Gregory sit "
"I can't deny that at some point in the future I did envisage having children, what I never envisaged was you. Yes you have just told me and, you are right it is a big part of what may lay ahead, but right here, right now I feel like I have been given a choice, the most wonderful life ever with you or I give that up for the chance of a lesser love and perhaps children. Bea, there is no choice, I would choose you any day."
Now she was sobbing, telling him this had been such a worry, so hard, she had hoped against hope that it didn't matter, to actually hear it was such a relief.
He wiped her tears, he kissed her brow, and smiling he said "Is that it then, do I have to make the decision now, you have nothing else I need to know, no criminal record, no shady past ?"
That made her smile, that wiped away all her fears, "Well I do have poachers tendencies if that counts?"
He kissed her nose "That I think I can just about live with and so as it is my decision I want you to stay, I am asking you to stay here in Hope Valley with me, now you need to tell me if you dare do that?"
Looking straight into his eyes, at his soul, her reply was " I dare Nathan, and I will."
The pain, the anguish, the worry, the fears that they had both felt these last 10 days flowed away. They kissed each other knowing that from this moment their lives would never be the same, they were a pair, and yet they were one.