A/N: Here's chapter three, the talk y'all are waiting for. The song in this one is from Alanis Morissette, Sorry to Myself. Hope you enjoy.
For hearing all my doubts so selectively and
For continuing my numbing love endlessly.
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and over functioning.
To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me.
They looked at each other from across the church, the large bone chandelier above their heads the only thing filling the void. Finally, Temperance couldn't stand the silence any longer.
"What are you doing here?" She didn't move. He couldn't be here, not when she needed to get over him.
"We need to talk." Brennan looked at him, incredulously and began to laugh.
"You came all the way here to tell me that? Why not just call?"
"Would you have picked up my call?" He looked at her, his hands on his hips. She crossed her hands over her chest and looked at him. "That's what I thought. Can we please just talk about this…about us?"
Ludmila looked from one to the other. She could feel the amount of tension building around them, and stepped back slightly.
"Dr. Brennan, I'm going to be outside. I'll meet up with you later." She immediately left the cathedral, while Booth and Brennan continued to stare at each other.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I did, I left you that note."
"That's not what I meant. Why didn't you tell me how you felt?" Booth moved a little closer to her. She couldn't hold his intense gaze, and looked away, reflexively squeezing the figurine in her pocket. He moved in closer to her, until he was standing directly in front of her. He gently reached out and placed a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him.
For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For myself love being so embarrassingly conditional.
And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible
And for trying to fit a rectangle into a ball.
And
To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me.
"You know, during that case with Larry Seaver?" Brennan tried to move her gaze away, but couldn't as Booth held her face in place.
"Yeah, of course, who could forget Casanova."
"You said that with some people, you just can't have sex, there are too many strings."
"That's what this is about? Sex?"
"Yes, and no. There was a moment, after you said it, when you were walking toward me, and I thought… Was I completely wrong? Did I misinterpret your body language?" She pulled away from him and began to pace, wrapping her arms tighter around her torso.
"When you thought what?"
"When I thought you were going to say something to me, or kiss me, or…I don't know." Booth looked at her before running a hand through his hair and down his neck.
"I was going to say something, but then Angela came in. When she said that Cam told her that I was back together with Rebecca…"
"What?"
"I only went to talk to her." They looked at each other before Brennan scoffed.
"You need to stop talking to women apparently." She scoffed again, then turned and left the church, Booth on her heels.
"Bones, Temperance, don't run out on me!" He began to run to catch up as she sped up her pace. He caught up to her and grabbed her arm, twisting out of the way when she tried to force loose his grip. "We aren't finished. Quit trying to run from me."
"I'm not running!"
"Yes, you are. I even gave you the chance to give me your opinion when I told you that I was seeing Cam."
"As I recall, I told you I wouldn't ever comment on who you were seeing for your biological needs. Why would I have prevented you from relieving tension? That's not my job."
"I wanted it to be."
"What?" She stopped struggling and looked at him.
"When I thought you were the one gossiping about Rebecca and I, I thought it was because you were jealous, because that would have indicated interest in me. Instead, I get an anthropological lecture about why it's okay to have sex for the release of serotonin. If I wanted the serotonin release, I would have eaten some chocolate. It has the same effect."
"I know what effect chocolate has on higher primates, Booth."
"And that's why it isn't just sex to me. It's never just about sex. Whether it was Rebecca, or Cam…it wasn't about sex."
"So you're telling me that all I had to say was, 'Booth, I can't accept that you're seeing Cam because I'm interested in trying a relationship with you despite the problems it could cause to our working relationship?"
"It would have surprised me, but I'd accept it."
"You'd accept it? You'd give it a try? You lost your chance."
"Did I? Or are you just saying that because you want to hide from your feelings. Quit hiding and just give in for once Temperance."
I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else.
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.
For blaming myself for your unhappiness
And for my impatience when I was perfect where I was.
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready,
And expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be.
Temperance looked at the earnestness in Booth's eyes, and fought to not let out the tears gathering in her own.
"I can't. I don't want to risk getting hurt."
"What would you have said if I had asked you out then Temperance? Would you have done it purely to satisfy your biological needs? Why is it so different now?"
"Because I didn't know I loved you then!" Brennan shouted it, then covered her mouth, her eyes widening. Booth looked at her, opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again. He looked away, then returned his gaze to her, confusion clearly evident in his expression.
"So you would have started a relationship then, but now that you're sure of how you feel, you don't want to?"
"I don't want to be hurt. I've lost too many people." She couldn't hold the tears any longer. Quickly, she extracted her arm from his grip and turned away from him. Booth watched as she again walked away from him. He wiped a hand down his face before resting it on his hip.
"Rebecca gave me the opportunity to propose again." That got her attention. Brennan wiped away the tears and turned to face him.
"What happened? Why didn't you?"
"I don't love her that way anymore."
"Why not?"
"There's this moment in a relationship, where the entire balance of the relationship tips there, and that moment passed us by."
"Rebecca said the same thing."
"Temperance, we, you and I are at that moment. What's it going to be? Are you going to let it pass, or are you going to act on it?"
Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest?
Forgetting you or forgetting myself...
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter,
I would've naturally loved the former.
For ignoring you: my highest voices.
For smiling when my strife was all too obvious.
For being so disassociated from my body,
And for not letting go when it would've been the kindest thing.
To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me.
Temperance looked at Booth as he stood in the middle of the street, hands on his hips, and a worried expression on his face. She reached into her pocket one more time, squeezing Jasper for strength. She wiped the tears that were gathering away and strode up to him. For a long moment, they only looked into each other's eyes. Brennan was close enough to Booth to feel the heat coming off his body, and his breath gently stroking across her hair.
"I think you aren't giving me the entire reason why you and Rebecca didn't work out. And, I'm hoping it had something to do with me."
"I didn't love her the same way, and…marrying her would have never afforded me the opportunity to be with you." It was Booth's turn to look away. When he felt the soft skin of her hand on his cheek, he involuntarily leaned into the gentle touch.
"That moment you're talking about?"
"Yeah?" Booth brought his gaze back to hers.
"I…think we should act on it." With that, she closed in the distance between them and captured his lips with hers. Booth stumbled forward momentarily at the contact, but began to respond almost immediately. He wrapped one arm around her waist, the other burying in her hair. Temperance slid her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer to her. As the kiss broke, their foreheads maintained the contact, and Bones smiled.
"Booth?"
"Yeah?"
"I think we need to have a talk when we get back to Prague."
"Quite a few talks, I think." He grinned at her before drawing her into another kiss.
