'It's a fine Line' –
1.) "I wanna Be sedated"
'If it's a fine line between pleasure and pain, how are we supposed to tell the difference? Maybe that's why no one ever really knows just what it is they want… or when and if they've actually found it.' (M/D)
Here is part one of a series I have mostly written called – yep, you guessed it – "It's a fine Line". Pre 'It's the end of the world as we know it', and noone knows Baily is pregnant. Each Part will be a different story, with individual chapters, and will focus around GA as a hole, but mainly Mer/Der.
(Disclaimer: You all know that I am not Shonda, right? Oh, and there's that little thing of being POOR and AUSTRALIAN that might tip you off to the fact that I do not own GA… Or any of the songs I use… You get the drift.)
Here we go,
Go nuts ;)
minorCadence.
It is an accepted truth that a rolling stone gathers no moss. Great; who needs moss?
This works in theory, but I've found that whilst you're busy rolling your little stone ass away; you miss the important things...
Like the big road sign that says: DANGER, TURN BACK.
It's a long, hard journey, so we figure that the faster we go the better right? Not necessarily… because we don't have a clue where we are going.
Life doesn't come with a street directory, so where you think that by being a clever bad ass stone going 270 down the express way to paradise; you might actually be driving head on into a huge, ginormous tree of doom.
Which is not so clever.
5:20am.
'BEEP BEEP BEEP'
"Oh, Uuuhhhh."
Meredith Grey groaned and rolled out of her bed, accidentally catching herself in the sheets as she went, and fell to the floor with a loud thud. "Oomph"
"Ah, Mer… is everything ok in there?" a passing Isobel Stevens inquired with concern as she stopped at Meredith's bedroom door.
"Yeah, Izzy" came Meredith's dejected, muffled voice through the closed door, "I just fell off my bed." And even as the words were coming out of her mouth it sounded stupid.
Izzy raised her eyebrows in a mixture of bewilderment, and amusement. "Um, O.K then… Have fun. I'll be downstairs." She said, before turning and heading down the hallway to the kitchen to make herself some toast.
Meredith sighed to herself as she began to untangle herself from her blue cotton sheets, trying not to think about the fact that her honey brown hair was generating more electricity than a defribulator. 'No, wait' she thought, 'If I stop thinking about that, then I will start thinking about Him' 'HairHairHairHairHair…Ugh!'
So she dressed, brushed her teeth, tamed her static hair, and ate breakfast, all the while thinking of her boss – and object of forbidden, annoying affection.
Derek Shepard.
Dr McDreamy.
'No, NO McDreamy!' Meredith mentally scolded herself as she fished her keys from out of their hiding spot under the fruit bowl, 'McMarried! He's married for God's sake!'
And so it was with the recently all-too-ever-present feelings of dread and anticipation that Meredith Grey began yet another Derekless- yet way too Derekfull- day as a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital.
"Grey, hurry your ass up, you're thirty seconds late… Don't let it happen again." Nazi Bailey was out in full force today, 'how ironic' Meredith thought, 'I wonder if this day could get any more suckier'
"Yang, you're with Dr Burke. Grey, you're with Addison Shepard in 709…'
'Wrong question.'
"What was that Grey? Was that a sigh I heard from you?" Bailey stopped rattling off the roster and raised a deadly eyebrow at Meredith, who was caught completely off guard. You could almost feel the sarcasm emanating from their resident, which you think they'd be used to by now.
"Well I'm sorry if our little schedule isn't to your liking, maybe I can go and ask for a re-do just for you – right after the pigs start flyin' in the land of kiss my ass, Grey! Now get the hell out of my sight, and if I even smell your white ass today – you'd better hope there are some good doctors nearby, cause I'm gonna kill you."
"Jeez" Izzy whispered out the corner of her mouth to Meredith, who was still standing there like a deer caught in headlights, "someone's hormonal today"
"Did you say something, Stevens?" Now it was Izzy's turn to feel the great wrath of Adolf Bailey.
"Er, no, Bai… uh, Doctor Bailey" Izzie weakly began with a meek half smile, in an unusually high and squeaky voice, shifting nervously.
"Well, you're pissing me off anyway. MOVE people, last time I checked, this wasn't an art gallery."
Meredith and Cristina started off toward the west block, where they would each head off alone to face their inevitable doom; in the shape of Preston Burke and Addison Shepard.
"I can't believe I'm with Her! As if it's not already hard enough – now I have to actually be around the woman. She's not even a nice person!"
"Hey, shut up, at least you can ignore the witch and she doesn't mind, but Burke keeps talking to me."
"Oh, you poor thing!" Meredith sympathized, rounding a corner.
"I know!"
"Jeez. Don't you hate people like that?"
"God yes. There should be a law."
"We should make one"
"Or we could just buy duct tape"
"Ha, Only if we can duct tape Derek Shepard to the top of the Space Needle"
"No problem with me. How is you and the great Doctor, anyway?"
Meredith sighed, "Crap. Don't even ask."
"Okay then, I wont" Cristina said.
But Meredith went on, oblivious "I mean, I think I'm over him, but then he goes and smiles his damn McDreamy smile…"
"Wait - we've named his smiles, now?" Cristina interrupted, and raised a worried eyebrow in her usual sarcastic, indifferent way. Meredith shot her a look.
"It's just that…I still have a thing for him." '…Did I just say that out loud?'
"And it's big thing. I am a resident of Big-thing land, and whilst HE has moved out, I'm still stuck all alone in my Big-thing house, paying the rent in heartache and masturbation" Meredith grumped, wallowing in self pity.
"I can't help it, Cristina, I really want him." They kept on walking.
"Okay, Meredith? I'm issuing you with a DNR order (A/N: Do Not Resuscitate) on this relationship, okay, so don't even think about going there."
"I know I know I know", a guilty Meredith tried, wringing her hands and smiling wryly; before bursting out with: "but it's so HARD. I keep thinking about him all the time and it's driving me crazy. You know, I bet Jesus didn't have guy troubles when he was saving people."
"Jesus?" Cristina raised a skeptical eyebrow at her friend "since when did you suddenly become religious?"
They both stopped as the doorway of 709, and Meredith grimaced as she saw that her attending surgeon was already there. She looked back at Cristina pointedly;
"Since Satan showed up in my hospital."
-Meanwhile-
"Thanks, James, I owe you one, maybe we can get together for a drink sometime, and you can tell me all about that time up in Virginia… Yeah, buddy, same to you, ok, say 'Hi' to the Wife." Derek hung up the phone.
He had called in a little favour for a patient of his, to get her head scans through quicker. She was a three year old little girl, who'd come in the previous night with symptoms of headaches, and Grand mal total clonic, atonic, clonic and myoclonic fits. This girl was having every type of fit – both focal and generalised - under the sun
'Which could mean anything. But leans away from a carcinoma' He thought 'because tumor patients suffer mostly only one type of fit, such as focal fits, or generalised fits - depending on where the growth is, and tumor patients don't normally suffer grand mal fits until the tumor is extremely advanced. Being generalised, the fits are bilateral motor manifestations coming from the brain, but I don't know why they are so bad… unless…"
He had a brainwave. A very unwelcome brainwave - and went to find Meredith.
"Ah, Dr Grey, can I borrow you for a moment? I need your opinion on a young patient of mine." Derek had found her in the pediatric ward, doing an ultrasound of a woman with an Ectopic Pregnancy. With Addison. They both excused themselves from their patient and followed him outside.
Addison turned with a coolly raised eyebrow to Derek, "She's working with me, honey"
"Oh really, I don't see your name on her, honey" the term of endearment was twisted into a sarcastic insult as Derek, though normally cheeky, wanted to spend as little possible time with his wife as possible.
"Well" Meredith interrupted seeing that this could get out of hand, "She is standing right here, and she, last time she checked, wasn't a park bench that you can call dibbs on. I'm sorry Dr Shepard" she said, facing Derek, "I am working with Dr Shepard. If she allows me to leave, then by all means," she spread out her hands, indicating that she would be available for 'borrowing'.
Addison sighed, annoyed at Derek's pleading eyes, 'does he really need her for a case, or is there an ulterior motive? Oh, I need to stop thinking like this, and trust that our relationship will work'
"She'll be five minutes, Derek."
"Thank you, Addison." And to Meredith, "I'll meet you down in bay three. Bring your thinking cap"
Meredith smiled as he shot her his dizziness inducing smile, and, not wanting him to have the last word, called after him "the red, or the blue one?"
Never to be out-done, he turned and looked her up and down in mock contemplation, which only turned both of them on, "definitely the blue – brings out your eyes"
Meredith giddily turned back to Addison, who was looking murderous. 'Oops…' Meredith thought 'veto the insane smile, Meredith, she is standing right there! And besides, DNR, remember?'
It took all of the will power that she possessed to compose herself for that very long 5 minutes when she was finishing up with Addison. 'Five minutes! More like five years! God, I need to get out of here. And Addison! If looks could kill, Bailey would be very disappointed. God! Why am I feeling like an insane schoolgirl! This is ridiculous. He is just another guy. Just another hopelessly sexy, criminally good-looking, smart, funny, nice, sweet, tender, kind, MARRIED guy… And that thing he does with his tongue… I know he didn't learn that in med school… AAAH!'
It was hopeless. Meredith made an exasperated sound as she turned the corner en route to bay three.