Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Billie Jenkins, The Halliwell Sisters, Leo, Wyatt, or Chris. Or anything else associated with Charmed. I do own Jude, sadly.
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Now, with a cup of Phoebe's favorite chamomile tea clutched in her tiny hands, Billie felt a thousand times better. The steam rose from the cup, wafting delicious smells of relaxation and comfort directly into her face, the heat helping return the color that had so long been missing. She stared down into the cup, a theme with her these days. It was better than seeing the overwhelming looks of concern and pitty on Paige and Phoebe's faces.
The two witches had fuddled and fussed over her for the last hour, making sure she was comfortable, getting her some yoga pants and a tank top to change into, and making her tea. Now all that was left was for Billie to tell them the tragic tale of how she'd ended up bruised and beaten on her own couch, when there was essentially no one else around. She hadn't heard from Jude since the incident. Usually after one of their little 'mishaps' he would call a few hours later, appologizing and declaring his love for her.
He's the only one that loves me. She thought, taking a sip of the tea, enjoying the feel of it scalding down her throat and into her empty stomach where it sloshed like lava, heating her up from the inside out. Phoebe and Paige just feel responisble for me because I barged into their family last year.
Billie hadn't uttered so much as five words the whole time they'd been there, and Phoebe grew more worried with each passing minute. The silence hung thick about them, tangible like a a curtain of insecurity and distrust. When did it get like this? There had been a time, what felt like ages ago, that Phoebe and Billie could talk about things more easily than she could even with Piper or Paige. They'd been so close, like best friends, and then Billie had betrayed her.
That was a long time ago. Phoebe thought, pushing that creeping feeling of pain to the back of her mind.
Paige, who had been simply sitting, witnessing the tension forming, cleared her throat indignantly, giving Billie what she hoped was a comforting smile. She'd had so much trouble with Billie after the battle. Even Piper had been able to forgive the blonde, accepting her with open arms back into their home. But Paige, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She'd been the girls whitelighter, for Gods' sake. Her guide, her teacher, and she'd thrown that in Paige's face like a bad joke.
But now, seeing her like this, realizing what she really had gone through, Paige couldn't bring herself to hate Billie. To even be mad at her. Even I'm not that much of a heartless bitch. She thought with a silent little smirk to herself. She glanced at her sister, noting how incredibly worried she looked. With Pheeb's powers, she must be going grazy with worry right now. I can't even imagine what Billie must be feeling. That, added with Phoebe's own over-protective-ness, is enough to make me need a stiff drink. She silently chastized herself. Paige hadn't had a drink in over six years.
"So..." Paige prodded awkwardly, hoping to get a conversation going so that they could figure out what had happened. "You wanna tell us what happened, sweetie?"
It took Billie a moment to finally look up at her. For several long seconds, the younger witch simply stared into the glowing gold tea in her black mug, wishing she could be that simple. Warm and comforting and able to be everything for everybody. I'm not anything to anybody. She thought, finally dragging her tired blue eyes up to meet Paige's. The whitelighter was surprised to see how much Billie had seemed to age over the last few months. The age wasn't as apparent in her face, since she was only in her twenties, but when Paige looked into her eyes, she could almost feel the lessons that had been learned.
Billie took a deep breath, almost as if preparing for battle. It seemed she could never talk these days without taking that deep breath. It gave her amo, it was her strength. When she was alone, just breathing, meditating, relaxing, she would find herself taking those long deep breaths, like storing up for the next confrontation with Jude. Jude. How would she even begin to make them understand.
"It's nothing, you guys, really." She sighed, looking back down to the now cold tea. There was no way in hell she could look them in the eyes and lie to them. She knew that Phoebe would most likely know she was lying just from being in the same room as her. But she couldn't tell them about Jude, she couldn't let them take him away from her. I've already lost everyone I love because of them. She couldn't stop herself from thinking. A salty, bitter taste trickled in her mouth, and she realized she'd biten her own lip in the sudden rush of anger that ripped through her. They're not taking away the one person I have.
"Billie, that didn't look like nothing." Phoebe said gently, her voice almost a whisper. "Please, let us help you."
"I don't want your help!" Billie replied, her voice a little too loud, a little too harsh, a little too sincere. It cut through Phoebe like a knife.
"Well it seemed like you needed it when you were passed out on the couch because some ass hole beat the shit out of you!" Paige snapped, now standing and crossing her arms over her chest. She didn't have time for this. They'd given everything to this girl; a family, safety, love, and she'd thrown it all away for something evil. "It's not like we came bardging in here without warning, Billie. You called me, remember?"
"Paige." Phoebe scowled at her younger sister.
"I'm sorry, Phoebe. But I don't need this from her. Not again." Paige walked over to the small coffee table, picking up her sweater. "You don't want our help? Fine. Let's go, Pheebs." The whitelighter extended her hand to her sister, ignoring the look of sadness that laced the loathing glare. As far as Paige was concerned this was all some game to Billie. If she wasn't going to take them seriously, and appreciate their help, then she had no business bothering with her.
"No." Phoebe said, not tearing her eyes away from Billie. She leaned forward in her chair, closer to the young witch. "Billie, it's okay. It's okay to need help."
"I don't want your help! Don't you understand that? Just...get out." They both stared at her blankly, eyes searching for something just beneath the surface, shocked.
"GO!" She screamed, and once she started, she couldn't seem to stop. Billie screamed, screamed, screamed until she was sure her throat was bleeding and her lungs would colapse any second. Tears poured down her cheeks, over her chin, down her neck, she was pretty sure if she didn't stop crying she would drowned. I'm already drowning. She thought, her voice giving out with a sickening crack. Silent sobs wracking her body.
She sank down onto the floor, covering her knees with her arms, burrying her face into her shaking hands. Her breath was coming in short gasps, each one a stab to her already deflated lungs. The air was like ice down her throat after the screaming, freezing her up inside. Making her body as cold as her heart had become. Images flashed through her mind.
Christy. Her parents. Piper and Leo. Paige. Phoebe. Jude.
Deep down Billie was disgusted with herself. Everytime she thought about how she'd treated the sisters, she could feel the thick bitter taste of bile rising up in her throat. Everytime she remembered the pain she'd been through, emotionally, physically, and mentally she was appalled at herself for allowing it to happen. But life was like a tidle wave, it had swept her up. She was lost in the break and she didn't know how to escape without drowning.
Now all she could could do was go with the current, hoping by some miracle to land somewhere safe.
Phoebe was crying too, silent tears slithering down her face, to the corners of her mouth like salty reminders that she was somehow responsible for the breaking of the girl in front of her. If I'd just tried harder. If I'd held on tighter. I'm a fucking advice columnist, and I couldn't even stop for a second to help one of the people I care about most in the world. Why does everyone I love leave? Just being in the same room with her, when such a wave of angst and passion was flowing through the room like magma, Phoebe had started feeling Billie's feelings, the pain mixing in with her own so much that she couldn't even tell who's pain was who's. Mom, Dad, Grams, Prue. My entire family just left me, expecting me to know what to do with my life. To know how to take care of myself. I could never take care of myself, they knew that! How could they just leave? How can they be up there, watching all of this, and not do a fucking thing about it? What about Cole? Haven't I suffered enough, or is my demon ex-husband from hell not enough for destiny? Is Phoebe Halliwell not enough of a joke already?
She wasn't sure when it happened, she had no memory of moving at all. But now, they were together, Phoebe's arms wrapped tightly around Billie, holding her for dear life, protecting her from the jagged edges of reality. They were sobbing into eachothers shoulders, a tangle of brown and blonde and tears. Paige didn't know what to do with herself, standing in the corner, feeling as insignificant as a fly. She'd hurt Billie. She'd caused this.
The two shattered souls in front of her weren't the only ones to have experienced loss.
Billie pulled back from Phoebe, scurrying away from her like she'd been stung.
"Just go." She whispered, her eyes dripping with terror, her voice trembling. She was visibly shaking, her arms tense at her sides as she pressed her back to the wall.
"Billie-" Phoebe started, but Paige shook her head. The younger sister walked over to Phoebe, never taking her hazel eyes off the terrified blonde in front of her.
"C'mon Phoebe." Paige said calmly, putting her hand on her sisters shoulder, and orbing out before she could put up a fight. Paige knew she would be toast as soon as they got back to the manor, she knew Phoebe would rant and rave and cry and fight until she orbed them back. She knew that she would give in. But mostly she knew, that leaving Billie was a mistake.
Something bad is going to happen. She thought as they rematerialized. I can feel it.
Back in Billie's apartment, the shrill sounds of a phone ringning echoed off of the walls.
Jude.