For far too long I have known her but not known her. I spent the vast majority of the last year knowing her past, her present and her future. I would be in her future and it would be mine to shape for my plan. My head has been very thorough with where she plays into my plan. There can be no room for mistakes so my heart takes a back seat.
As I sit here now I can't do anything but want her. To take her in my arms and tell her how sorry I am that she has been used like this. I never meant for her to get this involved. She was supposed to find her keys and move on with her day. Instead I am sitting her torn between my head and my heart and I still need a key.
She moves between her supply tray and my wound, her frustration still evident on her face. I couldn't tell her a guard didn't do it to me. I couldn't tell her I did it myself whilst in a guard's uniform. All the while she believed I was the victim, the plan could go ahead. That's my head talking.
Her feet shuffle to a stop one last time by the tray and she takes her gloves off, disposing of them near by. The newly cut key dangles provocatively from her pocket and I have an idea. As if in slow motion she turns to face me and I can tell another question looms on the horizon. I take in a deep breath and kiss her. Officially, my heart has taken over.
It's warm and hurried. Her mouth opens slightly and I deepen the kiss, a little harder than before. Fireworks explode in my mind, blanking out whatever it is trying to say to me. My heart skips a beat when she places a soft, delicate hand on my cheek, her eyes shut tight. I think she is shutting out tears and my heart breaks.
She ends the kiss first and I fall to reality with a shock. Battling my head my heart pleads with her one more time as I tell her I need her to do something for me. The war between thought and feeling rages on as I struggle to find the words. I have to look away because the look in her eyes does all but break my heart into a million tiny irrepairable pieces.
I just say it and we say more with our eyes than has ever been said between us before. I can tell she is on the edge of reason and I try to push her over. I run my hands through her hair, tucking it hurriedly behind her ears as I pour my soul into my words. She smiles as she takes my hand, planting a feather soft kiss on my palm. That is when my heart loses the war.
I want to tell her that it can be soon, that she won't have to wait for long but the victor has spoken. My head has defeated my heart and I can do nothing but curse myself and let her go. She curses herself too and leaves my sight, leaving me alone in the infirmary. The air seems colder without her and I can do nothing more then stare into the path she took away from my heart.
And with her goes the newly cut key still dangling from her pocket. My head has lost the war too and like a wounded soldier, it joins my heart on No Man's Land.