I'm pretty disappointed with this chapter. Again, I'm to lazy to edit it. More character death.

Disclaimed to Meg Cabot, J.K. Rowling and Lemony Snicket.

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Father Dom was living in a little cottage next his prize winning turkey farm. He'd bought it last year, when he'd retired from being a principal. He'd always been fond of turkeys. Occasionally he'd steal some turkeys and give them to his friends (Real and Imaginary), but mostly he'd just run and around and play with them.

Suze however, had been adopted by Sister Ernestine A.K.A. Ernie and Adam, and was living in their large mansion with her brother Harry.

They kept their turkeys in cellar for when they needed them.

Suze was painting her Brother Harry's toenails black when all of a sudden someone burst into the room.

Yes, it was Lord Voldemort.

The scar on Harry's for-head started to hurt.

"I'm going to kill you all!" Screamed Lord Voldemort.

Suze and Harry both yawned.

"Like, PMS much?"

Both Suze and Harry nodded sympathetically.

They were both very alike. For example, they both had a tendency to break rules and go ion weir, supernatural adventures.

Lord Voldemort shrieked.

The he clutched his abdomen, "Oh the pains … the glorious menstrual pains …"

Sister Ernie came in and gave him some Panadol.

Then Harry realized that this was Lord Voldemort, and they weren't supposed to be nice to him, because he killed his parents.

Sister Ernie remembered she was a nun and couldn't get married.

Adam grew a beard. He though it was sexy and masculine, but he was very wrong.

Lord Voldemort screamed in pain, wondering how Adam McTavish came to acquire a mansion when he was only sixteen years old.

Suze realized that she was living in a big mansion with a nun and a crazy bearded man while she painted her brothers toenails with the dark lord having menstrual cramps beside them.

"This is so lame. Let's go live somewhere else."

Suze and Harry were going to leave the mansion, but Count Olaf suddenly appeared and blocked their way.

"Give me your fortune!"

Suze and Harry stared,

"Are you the guy from A series of Unfortunate Events? I love those books!"

Count Olaf blushed.

"Why ….. Someone who finally appreciates my talents at acting!"

Lemony Snicket suddenly burst in, wearing a mask to cover his face.

"DON'T READ MY BOOKS. THEY ARE SO TRAGIC"

He grabbed Olaf and ran from the room.

Suze breathed out, "Wow. That was weird."

Harry nodded. He then poked Lord Voldemort WITH A SPOON, who was still lying on the floor moaning in pain while Ernie and Adam signed divorce papers.

Once the papers were signed, Ernie flapped her wings and took off, continuing her career as a magical flying nun.

Suze started feeling violent. She grabbed a frying pan and knocked Harry out. She pulled a machine gun from her pocket and blew Voldemort to pieces.

She would've killed Adam, but he was her adopted father, so she settled for knocking him out as she did to Harry.

She then hopped on her broomstick with her wand by her side, travelling to Hogwarts.

Once she arrived, she grabbed her machine gun and blew up everything in sight, including all the students.

She then ran up to Dumbledore's office, and, using her wand, turned him into a pile of poo.

Dr Slaski tried to bring him back, but alas, he was gone. Poor Dr Slaski. He was in love with Dumbledore. He swore he'd avenge his death, as long as he lived. Which probably wouldn't be much longer, come to think of it. Besdies, Dr Slaski was pregnant.

Suze knocked Dr Slaski out with her frying pan.

"I AM UNSTOPPABLE!" She yelled, "I AM DARTH VADOR!"

There was only one student left.

The love-struck Draco Malfoy, who was still curled up into a ball, crying for Cee Cee.

Sh raised her finger to poke him, but ……

It was then that Cee Cee's ghost decided to materialize.

Suze was shocked. She didn't know what to do. What if Cee Cee was angry and tried to dice, and slice her? After all, she did eat Cee Cee.

But Cee Cee just squealed, happy to see her friend, feeling as cheerful as a daffodil.

Suze quickly shot Draco with her machine gun, sick of his insufferable moaning.

A few seconds later he had materialised beside Cee Cee, dead and surrounded by a ghostly aura.

"MY DARLING! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"

Cee Cee rolled her eyes. She'd liked him at first, but this? This was corny.

Draco Malfoy was SO happy he exploded, even though he was a ghost.

Suze and Cee Cee both felt extremely disgusted as they peeled all of the ghost muck of themselves.

The Murderous Suze and the ghostly Cee Cee went to fetch Harry and Adam from where they were still unconscious in Adam's mansion.

Together, they would take over the world.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

THE END

Maybe next chapter I'll put Jesse and paul in … but I can't guarantee their safety.