Author's Note: Once again one of my newer stories keeps taking over my efforts to work on Adventures in Parenting and Passing the Torch. Bad Baby Titans! Bad! But at least somebody gets an update, and I'll probably have an update for Passing the Torch up within hours of this one. Jason, on the other hand, is making Parenting a bit difficult. How's that for a pun? I'd try the Joker approach and threaten him with a crowbar but my muse has too many personalities as it is…

Summary: Having a baby has far reaching consequences within your life, having your teenager turned into one has even more.

Learning Backwards

Alfred Pennyworth was widely accepted as by far one of the best of his business, and that was without the knowledge of how much trouble Batman put him through in addition to Bruce Wayne's whims. None the less, the ability to produce baby food, dippers, bottles, clothing, burp cloths, and several soft toys barely twenty minutes after being notified that Dick Grayson had been turned into an infant surprised even the young billionaire. The baby had not enjoyed the transporter experience and had been wailing loudly as they had arrived in the cave, his guardian calling even more loudly for the butler to help him calm the baby. Alfred of course, had been undaunted by the noise and distress of "his boys" and had simply taken little Dick from Bruce's arms, which incidentally calmed the small boy immediately and proceeded to feed and change the baby as if it were the usual next step when Batman and Robin returned home.

Anyone who had not been distracted by the baby and observantly looked over the big black bat hovering near the butler might have noticed a very unusual component to the dark knight's posture: nervous worry. However, even if they had noticed it they would likely have dismissed it as their imagination. Not so with Alfred, he knew this young man very well and no reputation of fearlessness or non-emotion was going to fool him.

"The young fellow seems to be doing quite well despite his unfortunate mishap."

"He's not fine, Alfred. He's been turned into a baby!" argued Batman as he began changing into his day clothes.

"Have you harbored some sort of grudge again against babies, of which I am not aware?"

"He needs to be checked over. I had better run some test to make sure there's nothing wrong, besides the twelve missing years. Who knows what kind of effect this sort of thing could have had on him physically."

"I assume letting an actual doctor look him over would be unnessisary. Using him as a new experiment should suffice very nicely don't you think?" questioned the major domo dryly.

"Alfred, if you haven't already called Leslie in to look him over I shall be highly surprised. One thing is for sure; once he's fixed the Titans are over! I let him go off with those children and he ended up as a baby. That is not acceptable!"

"Ah. Any more concerns besides side effects and your perpetual self-guilt?"

"I don't know how to take care of a baby!" exclaimed the now quite frustrated Bat.

The older man was unaffected by his vehemence.

"And several years ago you didn't know how to take care of a young boy, I expect you will have to learn the same way you did then…by experience."

"That was easier; he could tell me what I was doing wrong. At this size something could go wrong and he'd be permanently damaged."

"I assure you that so long as you use common sense and take care because of his small size, you will not 'break' Master Richard." the amused butler replied, not letting the resulting glare detour him from his mirth.

"Very funny." snapped the miffed Bat as he took the baby from the man who had raised him. He might not know much about babies, but this one needed to be cared for and if Alfred was to busy poking fun at Bruce to do it, he'd do it himself!

"Not a father indeed." scoffed the butler softly as he watched his child walk up the stairs with his honorary grandson.

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Not all of the Titans' guardians had a difficult time adjusting to having an infant on their hands rather than a teenager. Diana and Arthur had both raised their young changes from that age and simply slipped back into that mode of parenting (or some such facsimile) as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and The Flash had been thrilled to experience this part of his nephew-by-marriage's life, since he'd missed it the first time around. Not so was Oliver Queen's perspective of the situation, however.

Olie had been horrified when he discovered that the fourteen-year-old Speedy had been turned into one of those wet, screaming little monsters women found so adorable. The Green Arrow had never thought much of babies, and had never had much contact with them. So naturally like any fun loving bachelor, he was disgusted and a little frightened of them. Unfortunately, Dinah had taken to him immediately and balled Olie out soundly at the mere mention of leaving him there until he was turned back to his natural form. The most horrifying had finally happened; Oliver Queen had found himself the proud (or terrified as the case may be) parent of a bouncing baby boy!

"Uh…Pretty Bird? Where on earth are we going to put him?" The blonde wig wearing woman paused from her concern over the small boy in her arms to stare at the 'love of her life' "It's not like you're lacking in space, Ollie. I'm sure we'll find a spot for him in your house."

The uneasy playboy didn't find out what horrors this statement held for him until sometime after they arrived back at Star City, although he suspected they did entail something not quite pleasant. Dinah Lance strode through the main entryway of the massive but highly messy Queen residence and directly to the main living room, with Green Arrow trailing her like a forlorn puppy. It's not that he didn't care for the kid, but this just wasn't right! Instead of running around and trying to pick up girls like any other boy his age, Roy was taking up his favorite seat, sitting on his girlfriend's lap, being oh and ah-ed over by his girl when Ollie should have been at this really swinging party with Hal and Dinah, instead of stuck watching Speedy spit up on Black Canary.

"Hey look at Red. Isn't he cute when he's trying to flirt with me… Already a heartbreaker isn't he?"

"I suppose" commented the somewhat weirded-out Mr. Queen.

Dinah put the baby down gently on the couch. "Have I ever told you how attractive I find men with babies…" she questioned huskily as she walked closer…

'This parenting gig might not be so bad after all, if this is how excited Pretty Bird got over babies!' thought Ollie.

As any parent of an infant can tell you, this is the exact time when a small child decides that the only appropriate response to these weird activities the adults are doing with their mouths is to wail loudly and horribly. And as many a woman can tell you, there is immediate emotional reaction to this sound in most females, an uncontrollable urge to comfort and sooth despite any mild (or not so mild) frustration felt by the untimely interruption. In any case this was bad news for the poor billionaire who suddenly found himself completely ignored.

"Hey Red, What's the matter… Oh you just don't like being put down huh?" Dinah carried the now somewhat mollified Roy over to his guardian. "Here, you haven't held him yet."

"And I'm not going to start now!"

"Oliver! He is your kid you know… You have to hold him, it'll make him feel better."

"I don't think so…" Green Arrow made a last ditch attempt to find a rational reason for refusing her. "Besides he might fall out."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Not if you hold him right. I'll show you."

"He's messy and…"

Apparently the second Black Canary was quite capable of decking her boyfriend and holding a baby simultaneously, for Ollie suddenly found himself in the familiar position of staring up at her from the flat of his back.

"Stand up and hold him!"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"There put one arm under his head and support his back with the other. That's perfect." Dinah look fondly at her boys.

"If I'm doing it so well why is he screaming his head off?"

"He's just a little hungry I think. I'll go get all the baby stuff we need from the store while you watch him."

"Ok, if you say so…WAIT! You're leaving me alone with him!"

"It won't kill you, and maybe you'll work our his anger issues towards you before we get the surly teenager back."

"BUT…"

"No buts! Just rock him and talk to him." She kissed his check before doing the same to the baby. "You be a good boy for Daddy, huh Roy?"

"Daddy!"

"Be back soon."

"Pretty Bird!"

SLAM

The loud noise startled Speedy out of his crying fit and the two archers found themselves left staring at the door and then back at each other.

"Well, at least you shut up."

"AWAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Uh….You need to be quiet now kid."

"AHHHHWAAAAAA!"

"Please?"

"WAAAAHAAAAA!"

"Agh! Since when did you get lungs like that?"

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And so we leave our brave hero….trapped alone with horror that is…. A toddler! Stay tuned to find out if Oliver Queen survives, if Baby Flash retains his superpowers, how Queen Mera reacts to her husband brining home a baby, and if Bats and Babies are really like oil and water!