Disclaimer: I have no right to anyone or anything in the YYH World.
A/N: This chapter might get a little confusing time wise so here is the timetable I worked out using Yusuke's daughter's age: (1) When Yusuke goes to find Hiei his daughter is 4 months old. (2) Hiei doesn't know about Yusuke's daughter until she's 7 months old. (3) By the end of the chapter Yusuke's daughter is about a year old.
No Matter What
Chapter 10
He always made sure to visit Yukina during the day when he knew Kuwabara wouldn't be home. He still had very little tolerance for the ningen and had no desire to see him. He wasn't sure if Yukina had picked up on his preference of timing until one day she made a suggestion.
"Next time you should visit when Kuwabara is home."
"I come when I can."
"I know. But I'm sure you could arrange to visit just once when the whole family is home."
He saw the gentle smile and sparkling crimson eyes and got the message loud and clear. She'd known all along and had let him do as he pleased. Yukina was a very selfless and accommodating person. Sweet to a fault. But even she had her limits apparently. Hiei took a sip of his tea to escape his sister's deceptively strong gaze.
"I can't promise anything."
"Family is important, Hiei."
"I know this."
"So why are you avoiding yours?"
"You and the twins are my family, Yukina."
"That's not true. You've been through too much with Kurama and Yus---"
"I have to go."
Hiei disappeared in a blur of black, leaving his sister to worry about him once again. And he knew how much she worried about him, but it just couldn't be helped. He didn't think he could bear being around Yusuke. The pain would be too much, even for a masochist like him. So he lived his own life in the Makai and visited his sister regularly, enjoying seeing her so happy and the twins growing strong and beautiful just like their mother.
Besides, it also allowed him to keep tabs on his other wayward "family" members as well. He considered the recent news of Kuwabara's promotion and Kurama's latest girlfriend. Did that bring the count up to thirty?
As he raced through the Makai heading back to Mukuro's from his latest visit, Hiei recalled when Yukina had told him of Kurama's decision to do his research at a university. He had sought out his friend later that day, arriving at his apartment just in time for dinner. Hiei couldn't help the smirk, even now, at the thought of the beautiful redhead choosing lesser money to work at the university.
"Why not? I'll be able to combine two of my favorite things: research and young beautiful co-eds."
Hiei couldn't argue with the logic. It did seem to provide for both sides of Kurama's personality and the pay was enough to keep him living a comfortable lifestyle.
And of course he also heard news of Shizuru, Botan, Koenma, Genkai and Yusuke. He recalled the day that he had found out about Yusuke's daughter. It had been shortly after Yusuke had found him in the Makai.
Begin Flashback
It had been a stormy day in the Ningenkai and he almost hadn't come. But he hadn't seen his sister in a very long time so he suffered the uncomfortable rain arriving at Yukina's house in record time.
Yukina had been especially animated that day, talking about all manner of things as she bustled around the kitchen, preparing what looked to be a feast.
"--- so I told her it was no trouble at all and that she should rest so that's why I'm doing all this."
Yukina turned from washing the vegetables in the sink and saw that her brother was staring straight ahead, looking shell-shocked.
"Hiei?"
When she got no response she wiped her hands and went to his side, reaching out and placing a delicate hand on his shoulder. Hiei jerked and looked up at his sister, eyes still wide.
"Hiei, what's wrong?"
Hiei had stopped paying attention to his sister's words after he heard "There's no way Keiko could handle planning Yusuke's birthday party. She's got a new baby to look after. Gosh! I can't believe Haruna is already seven months old."
A stabbing pain ripped through his chest and Hiei wasn't even certain he was breathing. Not that he care. Yusuke has a child? Why didn't he mention this? He left his wife and child to…..come find me? Yusuke…..
It was finally focusing on the soft voice next to him and seeing the worry in matching crimson eyes that brought Hiei back to himself. He stood up and cupped Yukina's cheek, tenderly.
"I apologize. I just remembered I had not taken care of a task and I must leave. I will see you again soon."
Before Yukina could inquire further, Hiei vanished. He knew he shouldn't be surprised at the news. Yusuke and Keiko were married. It was expected they would have children. That's why he married her. She could provide him with a family and stability. Things he never had growing up. But despite telling himself these logical points, his chest hurt and he couldn't seem to fill his lungs with air.
When he reached the Makai, he found a deserted area and with an anguished cry, he unleashed the darkness dragon in an attempt to purge himself of the pain of loving an unattainable toushin.
End Flashback
Hiei saw the large, ominous structure looming in the distance and he picked up speed. He had a sudden urge to engulf himself in work. Whatever Mukuro was willing to give him. It didn't matter. It would keep him from thinking of Yusuke and that one night they shared. It had been almost a year ago and still that one encounter, that one searing moment, haunted Hiei, giving him vivid, cruel dreams, leaving him to wake up sweaty and trembling, oftentimes with a painful erection.
Hiei shivered as he entered Mukruo's fortress, going deeper and deeper into its bowels. For more years then he cared to recall, his heart had been like these hallways: dark, cold and lifeless. But Yusuke and Yukina and the others had opened it up, allowing in the light and bringing him a sense of contentment and acceptance. And heartache.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Yusuke retreated through the sliding glass doors, drowning out the sounds of children screaming and laughing as they ran around in the backyard, chasing a very unlucky clown. And they haven't even eaten cake yet. Poor bastard.
He shook his head and snickered as he made his way through the kitchen of the Kazuma household. Yusuke loved children's parties, and normally he would be out there encouraging the kids to wreak havoc. After all, you are as young as you act. His smile broadened as he thought of Keiko scolding him for some of his more childish antics.
But he wasn't in a playful mood right now. He actually had very serious matters on his mind. He was looking for Yukina to ask if her wayward brother would be attending the party today. He desperately wanted to speak to Hiei, even though he dreaded it at the same time.
For over six months he'd been trying to find Hiei to speak with him. He couldn't risk a visit to the Makai so he was stuck trying to catch the elusive fire demon whenever he visited the Ningenkai. And that only seemed to be to visit his sister. Several times he'd come close to catching him at Yukina's, but each time he'd missed him, his ki barely detectable by the time Yusuke arrived. Eventually Yusuke stopped trying to catch him at Yukina's sensing that the Koorime was getting suspicious of his "surprise" visits when Kuwabara wasn't home.
But today….. Today offered the perfect opportunity to see Hiei. Even if he didn't stay long, Yusuke knew he would not stay away from his nephews' birthday party. No matter how much he hated Yusuke right now, Hiei cherished Yukina and those boys.
He has every right to be pissed. We slept together and I told him…I told him…Gods, I'm such an asshole! Why did I run away like that!
Yusuke recalled waking up with his arms wrapped around Hiei, the fire demon tucked protectively under his chin. He remembered smiling at waking to the feeling of the warm body next to him and the smell of burning embers. It had felt so good, so…..right. And that last thought was what propelled Yusuke into action.
A feeling of overwhelming fear and guilt squeezed his stomach until he could taste the bile in the back of his throat. What have I done? Keiko….oh gods…. He could only imagine that by the grace of Kami he managed to pull away from Hiei without waking the fire demon and pull on his pants and shoes. But just as he was about to put on his shirt, he looked down at the naked form that had curled into itself without him lying next to it, so he draped the shirt over Hiei before disappearing.
I've got to talk to him. I've got to try and explain that----
As he turned the corner towards the living room he pulled up and ducked back behind the wall hoping he wasn't seen by the pair in the hallway. When he thought it was safe he peeked around the corner and watched as Hiei and Yukina spoke in hushed tones. He couldn't tell what they were saying, but Yukina seemed troubled about something, while Hiei stood firm on whatever point he was making. Yusuke heard a defeated sigh from the petite Koorime and then she handed Hiei a small bundle with a pink ribbon and kissed him on the cheek. Hiei placed the small bundle in his cloak and pulled out two small boxes with blue ribbons on them. Yukina accepted them and a hug silently and watched as her brother left without another word.
Yusuke waited until Yukina had stashed the small boxes in a nearby table before he came out of hiding, calling out as if witnessing nothing.
"Hey, there you are! Do you know if Hiei is going to grace us with his presence today? I wanted to ask him something."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Yusuke, he was just here but had to leave."
"Leave? But….he didn't say hi to anyone."
"Yes, I'm afraid he had other obligations today."
Yusuke heard the break in the sweet voice and saw her smile falter as she looked away and headed for the kitchen.
"Yukina? Is everything ok? Did he say something to upset you? Is he in some kind of trouble?"
Yukina waved off Yusuke's concern and offered a sweet smile as she picked up a big cake decorated with dinosaurs and candles.
"Everything's fine, Yusuke. C'mon, let's get back to the others. It's time for cake!"
Yusuke followed Yukina back out to the party and eventually managed to banish thoughts of Hiei from his mind. But that night he lay awake and stared at the ceiling, wondering when he would see the elusive fire demon again. Hiei….I don't understand these feelings. I need to talk to you. Where are you?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Her passing was no great shock. Genkai had decided several months ago that her time among the living was coming to a close. She stopped pulling spirit energy into her old body to support it and started to prepare for her death. Slowly, she could feel the true age of her body settling in and she became tired.
A month ago, she started calling friends and comrades to her side to say goodbye privately. She had been so much to so many, but for all the tears shed at the passing of Genkai, none were tears of sadness. She had lived a life full of happiness, love, heartache, chaos and celebration. She lived it the way she wanted and in the end she was satisfied.
Yusuke looked down at the wooden box he held in his hands and smiled.
"Well, Grandma, I guess it's official. There's no coming back from this."
He handed the wooden urn with Genkai's ashes to Yukina who, along with Kurama, would carry out Genkai's final wish. She wanted her ashes spread throughout the land of the temple, so she could remain as its guardian. The young Koorime, who knew the grounds like the back of her hand, and the kitsune who could manipulate the plants to absorb and distribute the ashes walked off after giving Yusuke small bows.
Yusuke made his way up the temple steps and into the hallways where he essentially grew up. He entered the main gathering room to find Keiko, Botan, Shizuru, Kuwabara and Koenma gathered together. They had knowing smiles on their faces and their laughter was wistful. On the other side he found the kids playing video games and he couldn't help but chuckle. How many times did you kick my ass in that aviator game, Grandma?
His eyes kept roaming around the room, remembering, until they fell upon a pair of crimson gems sparkling in the darkness of a corner. Yusuke nodded and headed back outside, knowing Hiei would get the message and follow. They'd kept their distance since arriving at the temple for services, Hiei staying at Kurama's side while Yusuke remained with Keiko and Haruna. But this has to be done. I have to talk to him.
He stood overlooking one of the many gardens Yukina tended and felt Hiei's presence by his side by the warmth that washed over him. He closed his eyes and savored the feeling, letting it wash away the troubles in his heart. When he opened his eyes again, he was ready for what he had to do.
"Hiei…..I wanted to apologize…" Yusuke cleared his throat hoping it would sound more confident this time. "I know it's been a long time but…..I'm sorry for…..for leaving the way I did……that night."
Yusuke thought he would have to wait for a response from the reticent fire demon but Hiei's response was immediate and his voice was cold and disdainful.
"There's no need to apologize, Detective. You had completed your mission and rightfully returned to your family."
At the sound of the harsh response, Yusuke's fragile control over his emotions broke and he growled as he turned and grabbed Hiei by the collar, disappearing in a blur, taking them deep into the forest. When he finally stopped he slammed the fire demon against a tree and leaned his entire weight against him, his forearm across Hiei's throat.
Yusuke's body was trembling as he struggled to maintain some sort of control over himself. His rampaging emotions had allowed the demon in him to begin to surface and he currently had golden eyes and dark blue markings on his face, but otherwise remained unchanged.
"Don't give me that, Hiei! You know that wasn't just some fuck for me! So cut the martyr bullshit!"
"Then why did you leave before I woke up?"
Yusuke's arm pressed a little harder against Hiei's throat and he focused on the crimson eyes that seemed to be completely closed to him. He let out a low growl then let go of Hiei, turning his back on the calm fire demon and running shaking fingers through his hair.
"I was scared."
Hiei watched Yusuke pace from one tree to another, staring at the ground, trying to verbalize his thoughts. His voice lacked the confidence Hiei had come to know through the years. Now it was strained, breaking at times, revealing just how vulnerable the toushin truly was.
"I don't understand this….this thing…between us, Hiei. I mean, I'm married with a family for Kami's sake!" In a moment of recklessness, Yusuke put his fist through a tree trunk, felling the large tree easily. He waited until the noise of the disturbed birds and the dust from the impact died down before he continued. "But you….I do love you….and I can't seem to stop……I can't turn these feelings off! I thought…..I thought that if I just left…"
"Do you regret what happened between us, Yusuke?"
Hiei heard the small tortured noise from the toushin but still he remained leaning against the tree, seemingly calm. But inside, his guts were churning and he swallowed the urge to hold Yusuke and comfort him. He had been preparing for this moment. I need him to say it. I need to hear that he doesn't want me. That's the only way I'll be able to let go.
Yusuke remained silent and still as he wrestled with his emotions, the signs of his toushin heritage receding and leaving his ningen aspect. He knew he loved Keiko and wanted to keep his family. But he also knew she deserved better than him. And when faced with rejecting Hiei, he realized that he also loved the fire demon too much to let go. How can you love two people…two completely different people….at the same time? What the hell is wrong with me?
"No. I don't regret it, Hiei. In fact, I think about it all the time and…." He slowly turned to face Hiei, suddenly feeling shy in front of his longtime friend. "I wonder if it will ever happen again."
Hiei pushed off the tree and slowly approached Yusuke. He knew he could never have Yusuke all to himself. Both their lives seemed to work against that path. So for once in his life, he would accept what fate had dealt him. I was prepared for his rejection. But….he does desire me and….I will never turn him away. I can't. If this is the way it has to be, so be it. He reached out and took Yusuke's hand within his own.
"As long as you desire me, Yusuke, I will be here for you."
Yusuke felt his cheeks get warm and he swallowed hard. I'm so sorry, Hiei. This is all I can give you. Yusuke stepped into Hiei, letting the natural warmth of the fire demon envelope him as he leaned down and kissed him. It was loving and tender and spoke of the depth of their feelings for each other.
When they returned to their friends and family, they stayed away from each other for the most part; knowing that being close would risk showing their secret. But amber and crimson would always find each other, no matter what.
To be continued….
I would like to say thank you to all of you who have stuck with this story. I'm afraid I've become rather immersed in it and now nothing is good enough for Hiei, Yusuke and all of you. So I wanted you to know how much I appreciate your support and reviews. I would especially like to thank Red Kitsune Flames, kit-kit, Demon Hiei's Girl and Dream x Spirit. They have been with this story from the beginning. Much love and hugs to you all! - Angel