Disclaimer: I have no right to anyone or anything in the YYH World.

No Matter What

Chapter 12

As Yusuke raced towards Mukuro's fortress, his mind raced with possibilities for his lover's absence. It had been over four months since he'd last seen the fire demon and more than a month since he received the summons sphere that contained only a short message from Hiei asking Yusuke to check in on Yukina for him. He knew Hiei wouldn't include a spoken message to him with the sphere, but he knew the sphere itself was a message. I'm thinking of you.

So why hasn't he shown up yet? If he were in trouble again Koenma would tell me, right? But if he's not in trouble, why would he stay away for so long? Is this his way of weaning himself from me? Has he finally grown tired of me?

His stomach threatened to revolt at his last thought and he brought a hand up and clutched his midsection. He'd learned years ago that he couldn't turn away from Hiei and he craved their stolen time together. This was why he was now risking his future with Keiko and his children to find Hiei. Yusuke hadn't heard from him in over six months and even Yukina didn't know where he was. Although she has lied for him in the past.

So after agonizing for weeks on what he should do, he told Keiko he was going to the temple and he would be gone for a week at the most. Once at the temple he took the portal to the Makai that Koenma had supplied and ran for Mukuro's fortress. Unfortunately his age and the fact that he was out of shape delayed his progress and also made him travel very cautiously, taking wide detours to avoid confrontations with the stronger demons he was thankful he could still sense fairly far away.

Finally, after two days of almost non-stop running, Yusuke could sense he was getting close by the strong aura in the air. I sure hope the border guards know who I am. No wait. That might not be good. Maybe I'll just drop Hiei's name. That should do it. If not, there's always the old-fashioned way. With a smirk on his face that meant nothing but trouble, Yusuke raced onward.

But before he could reach the border and see if he still had it in him to face down some demon sentries, he sensed a strong presence just a few yards ahead. Just as he was about to change direction to avoid the demon Yusuke caught sight of Mukuro herself standing casually by a tree, a small smile on her face. Yusuke came to a skidding halt only a few yards from the Makai ruler.

"Greetings, Yusuke."

Yusuke smiled that cocky grin as he rubbed the back of his neck and sucked some much needed air into his lungs.

"Hi there. Wow, I didn't realize I ranked so high on your radar. I'm flattered."

"What you should be is curious as to why you rank so high."

Yusuke's smile faltered and his body tensed. She didn't come out here to fight did she? They stood there facing each other, the silence becoming tangible by the second.

"Follow me."

Mukuro pushed off from the tree and started walking away.

"Where to?"

The powerful demon didn't turn around, she just kept walking away.

"You were coming to see Hiei, weren't you?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Yusuke was suspicious when they arrived at the fortress and Mukuro informed him that Hiei wasn't there, but he was expected by nightfall. So he kept his more colorful comments to himself and waited. He didn't complain when Mukuro left him to attend to some business, grateful for the respite from polite conversation.

He sat in the chair and gazed out over the Makai landscape. I haven't been here in over ten years. I wonder if I'll ever be back again. Keiko gets really upset whenever I come here and has all but forbidden me to come back. Yusuke sighed and ran his hands through his hair as he hung his head.

What the hell am I doing here? Hiei's life is really none of my business. I mean, it's not like we're mates or anything. So why am I taking this chance and tracking him down here? It's such a pathetic move. Gods! I just can't help it! I need to see him!

"Who are you?"

The demanding voice brought Yusuke out of his thoughts and he got up from his chair and whirled around to see a young girl standing there, hands on her hips, looking at Yusuke as if he were an intruder. He stared at her for a few moments, taking in her full appearance. She looked to be about ten years old in ningen years, but she could be much older in demon years. As a matter of fact, she had quite a powerful energy signature for one so small. She was pale with long ebony hair that was tied back high on her head. She had a posture that said she owned the place and he just couldn't help but smile at those crimson eyes that were blazing with life. Those eyes that look so much like…..

All thought left Yusuke's mind as he stared wide-eyed at the young girl. Could she be…..?

"I asked you a question."

Amber eyes blinked a few times and finally he sputtered out a response.

"Y-Yusuke."

"Hello, Yusuke. My name is Tenshi."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hiei went straight to bathe and eat when he reached the fortress. He'd been gone for several days and he just wanted to rest and see Tenshi. As he approached the young girl's quarters he heard raised voices, one of which he recognized as his daughter's, but the other….No. It couldn't' be.

He opened the door to see Tenshi and Yusuke sitting on the floor, arguing over a hand of cards. Both looked up at Hiei's entrance and two very different reactions occurred. Tenshi's eyes lit up and she instantly forgot Yusuke, racing to embrace her father. As Tenshi wrapped her arms around Hiei's chest and welcomed him home, fearful crimson eyes met angry amber over the excited child's head.

"I'm so happy you're home! I've missed you!"

"I missed you too." Hiei and Yusuke continued to stare at one another until Hiei felt something pulling at his shirt. He looked down to see a scowling Tenshi. "What?"

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

Hiei's face softened and he cupped his daughter's face which immediately lit up at the warm and tender touch.

"I'm sorry, Tenshi. I've been caught off guard by your guest."

"Oh, yeah. I totally forgot!" Tenshi went back and sat down, picking up her hand of cards. "It's my turn." Unaware of the tension, the young girl studied her cards and then chose one, placing it in the growing pile. "Your turn, Yusuke." Tenshi frowned when her playing partner did not acknowledge her. She leaned across the growing pile of cards and yelled into his ear. "Hello!"

Yusuke yelped and jumped back, glaring at the young girl. "Hey, you brat! I'll clobber you for that!" The young girl just smiled. Yusuke grumbled as he looked down at his cards, quickly choosing and placing it down.

"I win, brat."

"What! No fair! You cheated!"

Yusuke stood up, fists clenched. "If you accuse me of cheating one more time, I don't care who your parents are, I'll bend you over my knee and spank you!"

Tenshi turned horrified eyes to her father who just shrugged. The young demon girl huffed and sat, arms crossed over her chest, glaring daggers at them both. Yusuke walked towards Hiei, passing him as he left the room.

"She's your daughter alright."

Hiei left his daughter to pout in her room and turned to walk down the hall, Yusuke following silently a few paces behind. He could feel the anger radiating from the toushin and the further they walked, the more it was gathering strength and becoming tangible in the air.

They eventually came to Hiei's private rooms and the fire demon opened the door and stepped aside, allowing Yusuke entrance. Yusuke barely gave the room a glance, other than to determine he was in a large room that seemed to be a study or library of sorts.

The soft sound of a door sliding shut triggered Yusuke into action. He whirled on Hiei and punched the fire demon in the jaw. Hiei staggered a few steps, head hanging low, completely unresponsive.

"You bastard!" Yusuke turned his back on Hiei and started to walk fully into the room in the hopes that some distance between them would prevent him from striking again. "You have a daughter! Gods, Hiei! Why the hell would you keep something like that from me!"

Yusuke waited but he received no answer and he heard no noise of any sort. He looked back to see Hiei still standing there, head low and standing perfectly still. Before he spoke again, he took a deep breath and this time his voice was calm, but firm.

"How long have you and Mukuro been mates?" Still, the fire demon remained a statue and Yusuke felt his temper rise again. "Answer me damn it!"

"We're not mates, Yusuke."

Hiei still hadn't moved and Yusuke barely heard the quiet response.

"Is Mukuro…..Tenshi's mother?"

"Yes. She was conceived in a lab using both Mukuro's and my DNA."

"So….wait. Are you and Mukuro….lovers?"

"No." Hiei finally moved, lifting his head and meeting Yusuke's gaze. The toushin's heart constricted at the sight of normally burning eyes looking so lost. "I haven't slept with anyone but you since that first night we came together."

"Hiei…."

"I didn't tell you about Tenshi because I'm selfish, Yusuke. What time we manage to spend together belongs to us. Not them."

Yusuke swallowed the lump in his throat as he heard the hardness creep into Hiei's voice. It wasn't supposed to be this way. We were supposed to be friends for the rest of our days. But for better or worse we fell in love. And now we grasp and cherish whatever time we're granted together. But….

"What have we become, Hiei? We…we're supposed to share our lives with one another."

"Save your sentimentality and face the reality of our situation, Yusuke. For years you have cheated on your wife and dishonored your vows and your family. And for years, I have been the monster who has tempted you and led you down that path!"

"You're wrong! I love my family and I have a great life with them back in the Ningenkai!"

"Then why do you keep coming back to me!"

"Because I love you damn it! I'm sorry, Hiei! This was all I could give you! I know it's not enough and you deserve better! Keiko deserves better!"

Yusuke fell to his knees and hung his head. Hiei is right.

"I've been a selfish bastard for so long."

He had lied and cheated all these years and despite his guilt, he couldn't stop. He had used and disrespected Keiko and Hiei for his own selfish ends.

"Oh gods, Hiei……what have I done? Didn't I used to be the good guy? Saving people and the world? Heroes don't lie and cheat on their wives."

"There are no such things as heroes, Yusuke." Yusuke turned watery amber eyes up to see Hiei walking towards him. "And I've told you before that I understand you have another life. So do I as you have discovered. My life away from you revolves around Tenshi. She has become my light when you're not with me."

Hiei reached out and ran his knuckles along Yusuke's jaw line. Yusuke closed his eyes and leaned into the soft caress.

"If I were to lose either of you I'm not sure the other could save me from being lost in darkness forever. The two of you have consumed me."

Hiei closed the gap between them and hugged Yusuke to him, the toushin immediately wrapping his arms around Hiei's waist and burying his face in his chest.

They remained like that for several quiet moments until Yusuke finally spoke again.

"You never even asked me why I was here."

Hiei smirked and continued to stroke Yusuke's hair. "I've been focused on other matters."

Yusuke chuckled and looked up to see the fiery crimson eyes he loved so much igniting again and it made his insides burn with a matching fire.

"I missed you. I haven't seen you in over four months. Where have you been?"

"I apologize. There have been some matters that have needed my attention."

Yusuke knew better than to ask what Hiei had been doing and as of that moment, he really didn't care. He just wanted to be with his fire demon. I need his attention too. It's like a drug.

"Are we….alone here?"

Hiei's only response was to lean down and capture Yusuke's lips in a passionate kiss. Yusuke returned the kiss with a hungry growl as he pulled Hiei down to the floor and on top of him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hiei?"

"Hmmm?"

"..."

"Yusuke?"

The disheartened voice of the man within his arms instantly woke Hiei from his half-waking dream. They had exhausted themselves trying to relieve four month's worth of pent up desire and now Hiei was reveling in the rarest of luxuries: falling asleep with Yusuke held securely in his arms. I should have known it was too good to last.

"I…I can't do this anymore."

Before Hiei could gather his thoughts Yusuke was pulling away, getting out of the bed and dressing. He sat up, stunned at the sudden change, and watched helplessly as Yusuke avoided eye contact and rambled on.

"This isn't fair. It isn't fair to Keiko, my kids, Mukuro, or Tenshi. You were right, Hiei. We're being selfish and hurtful and it has to stop."

"Yusuke, wait a mom---"

"No!"

Finally the tortured amber eyes met Hiei's and the fire demon's argument died in his throat. This is destroying him. My love….it's hurting him. He turned away from the pain he saw and swallowed hard. This is it. I knew I couldn't be a part of his life forever. He has a wife and family and I have responsibilities now too. We can no longer afford to indulge our selfish whims.

Yusuke's resolve faltered at the sight of Hiei trying to maintain a disaffected façade. But he saw the clenched jaw and the fistfuls of sheets.

"Hiei….." He returned to the bed, sitting on the edge and facing the fire demon. "Look at me….please." Yusuke guided the crimson eyes back to meet his own. "I will never regret our time together. I love you, b----"

Hiei cut off anything else Yusuke was going to say by pressing their lips together. The last thing he wanted to hear from Yusuke were those three little words. The kiss deepened and when they needed to break for air, Hiei rested his forehead against Yusuke's and placed a silencing finger over his lips. When Hiei finally spoke, his voice was a strangled whisper.

"Aishiteru, Yusuke."

Tears began streaming down Yusuke's cheeks and before he could throw his pride to the wind and take back everything he just said, Hiei disappeared.

To be continued….