Just a little unhinged
Author's note: Come on… consider all Kratos' been through, you'd be crazy too. This is a parody of the Kratos from Shards… as well as a slight Noishe parody.
"I've been having this dream lately." Kratos muttered, he rested on the back of a long bed, his dark eyes blank as he looked back. "During this journey… I've been thinking about killing some people."
"Mmm hmm…" There was the scratch of pencil across paper.
"The short one…" The words came out as an evil hiss. "That whiny high pitched voice, that grating arrogant manner, when I see him my hands itch for my sword. Every time I see him casting a spell upon an enemy I know his guards down, and a sword in the back would look so good on him."
"Mm hmm…"
"And that woman, that annoying, obvious half elf posing as an elf act is only one of the things that makes me want to kill her. She's worse then her runt of a brother, and the ruin mode…" The mercenary's voice broke. "Oh GODS, the ruin mode! I live in terror, if she ever figured I was four thousand years old… my GODS the nightmares that thought gives me are beyond description! And her cooking, that's a thousand times worse because it's real and not some nightmare!"
The person hidden in the shadows of the other side of the room made a sympathetic noise and waited patiently for the now crying Kratos to compose himself.
"My client is an oblivious idiot, she chased after a rabid wolf today saying it was "cute". Half my hairs turned grey now from protecting that child from herself."
The psychologist grunted in agreement, after all he'd been there to see that too.
"And I'm traveling with my son and he doesn't even know that I'm his father. Can you even imagine what that's like? And I don't know what that dwarf did to my child but he's flawed him in someway and I swear on all that's holly that I'll…"
As Kratos went on with a rant about how he was going to kill Dirk the listener took a few notes. There was a ding and Kratos sighed.
Session was up.
"So… how much is that going to be?" Kratos sighed.
"Whine whine bark."
"The usual, fine."
Kratos rolled off of the couch and then fumbled with his pouch. "You know if this journey keeps going on, you're going to be rich." So said Kratos lay fifty gald on the couch.
Some point in Tethe'alla, about two hundred chapters later…
"Mail for a Mr. Noishe Aurion."
"Hey Noishy, who'd gave you mail…" Lloyd teased, ruffling his "dog"'s green mane. Then, since Noishe would need someone to open it anyways Lloyd ripped open the envelope and stared numbly at the note's contents.
"Noishe… when'd you buy Zelos' mansion?"
"Whine?"
Noishe's brown eyes were wide, his teeth flashed in an innocent smile.
"And why'd you convert it into a hot spring… for pets!" Lloyd screamed. "Do you know what Zelos' going to do to you when we get back to Maltokio?"
Noishe just shrugged.
From the darkness not too far away Kratos chuckled.
"Good one Noishe."
The protozoan lolled out his tongue and wiggled his ears.