She edited out the exact nature of Irneeto's offer when she told Kern about her success the next day. Enough for him to know that the alien guard might be willing to be bribed. Though helping them escape was a far more drastic matter than simply facilitating a liaison between slaves that his employer didn't truly wish to prevent. She was sure it would take far more than a few fruits, or even a bantha steak, to secure his cooperation in that.
She hardly dared think of the possibility Irneeto's words had raised in her mind, but she could scarcely think of anything else. A lover was not something she had ever realistically expected to be a part of her life. She had learned about sex, of course. Her mother had answered her questions and given her a basic understanding of the subject when she was a child, before they were separated. As she grew to adolescence she sometimes thought about it with a wistful curiosity. But who could ever want her, plain as she was? Even the lecherous men who sometimes bought young female slaves for pleasure had never looked twice at her. Her life as a slave had never afforded much contact with anyone whom she might develop an attraction for. The casual couplings many of her fellow slaves indulged in held little appeal for her. So she had come to accept that romantic, physical love was something she would have to live without. Just another item added to the list of things that had been taken from her, along with her freedom, her family, her future.
But now all that had changed. Kern loved her, and she him. His kisses woke in her breathless, tumultuous feelings of desire. Suddenly sex was no longer a theoretical idea, but a very real possibility. Someday soon the path she and Kern were traveling might lead there. The idea both entranced and terrified her.
In the days and weeks that followed, they continued to walk that path together, a journey of ever-increasing intimacy. They never spoke of the landmarks they passed, but they shared a wordless understanding of their significance – the day she first laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart's steady rhythm, the day his tongue first touched her lips, asking admittance that was shyly granted, the day her hands first slipped under the edge of his tunic and met the softness of bare skin. She understood now the destination their road was leading them inevitably toward, and day by day her apprehension gave way to openness, then eagerness, then a fierce, aching longing.
Eventually they came together to the place where Shmi knew they could go no farther without crossing the final boundary into the realm of lovers. She waited, sure he would ask, in words or in actions, and she could whisper her secret knowledge of how to make it possible.
But he didn't. Days passed, and weeks, and he quietly and stubbornly refused to take that final step. Always he would go to a certain point, but no farther. At first Shmi didn't understand, but as her body screamed with frustration, she realized that for some inexplicable reason he intended to hold their relationship here.
Finally she dared break the silence. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, and buried her face in his chest, not able to meet his eyes. "Kern, I want… I want… to love you… for you to love me…"
Gently but firmly he pulled away, laying his hand against her lips to shush her. "Wait. When we're free."
She stared at him. They had made hardly any progress in their escape plan. It might be years, yet, before their chance for freedom came. She could not, would not, wait that long, not when there was a way for them to be together here and now.
She chose her time carefully. In the servant's kitchen that day they were serving roast bantha. It had been cooking for three days in the enormous oven, the rich scent permeating all the corners of the compound. When she was sure no one was watching she slipped three thick slices between two pieces of bread and tucked them into her pocket.
It wasn't her day for the weekly bath each of the slave women was allotted, but there was a Rodian who would sometimes trade her turn, claiming too frequent washing dried her skin. She agreed to accept one of the slices of bantha meat, and Shmi made careful use of the tiny bit of water and soap provided, scrubbing herself as clean as she'd ever been. Another slice went to the laundry slave who'd replaced Darna in exchange for a clean tunic.
She waited in her alcove, combing out her long hair until it was dry, letting it hang loose instead of twisting it into the knot she usually wore, arranging it around her face with trembling fingers. The time until lights-out dragged unbearably long, but eventually the signal was given and darkness and quiet fell over the slave quarters. She waited a bit longer, unsure if she dared actually go through with it, but when the star she'd chosen became visible through her tiny grated window, telling her the hour must be near midnight, she summoned all her courage, picked up the last slice of roast bantha and the bread, and made her way to Irneeto's guard post.
He smiled when he saw her approaching, for she had made it a habit to bring him food often, never asking anything in return. Until now.
Her hands shook as she held out the meat and bread. "It's not a steak, exactly, and it's cold, but it's the best I could do. You said… you would…"
Irneeto smiled as he accepted the offered food. "I'm happy for you, furling. Of course I'll let him by. Just tell me who."
She took a deep breath. "No. Please, let me past. Tell me where Kern's alcove is."
His eyes widened. "Are you sure? It's not safe down there for a little furling like you. Kern's a good man, but there's not many like him, and plenty that wouldn't hesitate to hurt you, if they found you alone."
"I'm sure. Please, just tell me where to go." She hadn't considered that there might be actual danger for her, but she wasn't going to let that stop her now.
He shook his head doubtfully, but relented when he saw her determination. "All right. Fifth corridor, third alcove on the left. Just be careful."
"I will," she promised, elated. She ignored his worried frown as she slipped past, down the left-hand corridor, into unknown territory.
Her steps slowed and faltered, uncertain in the darkness. But the men's quarters were laid out according to the same pattern as the women's, and she soon found her way, silently counting the side corridors as she passed. Soon she was at the fifth, and moments later she stood before the curtain of Kern's alcove.
She hesitated a moment. She could still turn back… But no. She pushed aside the curtain and slipped inside.
She worried at first how she would know if she'd found the right place, but then his familiar scent greeted her, metal and oil and warm masculine sweat, and she could see his tousled blonde hair lit by starlight above the coarse bantha-wool blanket. She slipped off her outer tunic and hung it beside his. Clad only in her thin sleep-shift, she slid onto the narrow bed beside him.
For a moment she simply savored the delicious feel of his body pressed all along the length of hers. Then she stroked the plane of his cheek, rough with stubble. "Kern, wake up," she whispered.
Eyes still closed, he turned to her, arms reaching to encircle her. Shmi leaned in to kiss him. Joy filled her, as much just for the prospect of all the long unhurried hours of the night spent together as for anticipation of their bodies' pleasure.
"Shmi," he murmured against her lips, eyes still tightly closed, hands roaming her body. She moaned in reply and pressed herself closer to him.
Suddenly he stiffened, and his eyes flew open. "Shmi!" He sat up, staring at her. "What the hell are you doing here?"
She giggled at his astonished expression. "I bribed Irneeto to let me by, and to tell me where you sleep." She sat up and shook her hair in what she hoped was an alluring gesture. "Isn't this wonderful? We can be together all night!"
"And he let you? What was he thinking?" He grabbed her upper arms and shook her, furious. "Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for you to be here?"
She stared at him, astonished and hurt. "You're not glad I came?"
"No!" His kept his voice low, but he was shouting. He pushed her aside and swung out of bed. Grabbing their tunics, he threw hers at her and thrust his arms into his own. "Put that back on. We've got to get you out of here. I just hope no one's heard you."
Angry tears blurred Shmi's vision as she struggled into her tunic. She barely had both arms in when he grabbed her wrist and dragged her from the alcove. He paused only to carefully check both directions before he pulled her through the curtain and down the corridor.
As they approached Irneeto's guard post he finally slowed, and she caught her breath enough to speak. "Come back with me, then, to my bed. It's safe there. I know the other girls do it, all the time…"
"No." His voice was hard with resolve. She couldn't see his face in the darkness, but his grip on her arms was almost painful. "I can't do this anymore, Shmi. I can't."
Desolation gripped her harder than his hands on her arms. "You don't want me."
"You can believe that if you want to."
"What else am I supposed to think? I thought you would be glad, I thought we would… I thought you loved me!"
She could barely see his face in the darkness of the corridor, but she thought his eyes closed, lines of pain etched there. But when he spoke, his voice was cold. "I can't see you any more, Shmi."
"What? You can't mean… What about our plan to escape?"
"Keep your voice down! It was never going to work, Shmi. Don't you see? It was just an impossible dream, a game to make life here a little more bearable, to try and pretend there was something to hope for… But I can't keep pretending any more, Shmi. I can't."
He released her, and she stepped back, staring at him through her tears. Could this really be her Kern speaking? Had she ever really known him at all?
"Go back to bed Shmi. Get some sleep. We have to work hard tomorrow. Because we're slaves, Shmi, and that's what slaves do. And we'll never be anything else."
She shook her head in denial, then rallied and tried one more time. "Even if you've given up hope, even as slaves we can love each other…"
"And make ourselves Jabba's livestock, too, and breed lots of little slave children for his profit?" His voice was like ice. Without giving her a chance to respond, he grabbed her hand and dragged her on to Irneeto's post.
Seeing them coming the tall blue alien sprang to attention and put his hand on his weapon. He eyed Shmi's tears and Kern's cold demeanor warily.
"I don't know what she told you, Irneeto, but you shouldn't have let her pass. Don't do it again." He thrust her away from him, and she stumbled backwards to the entrance of the women's quarters.
"He didn't hurt you, did he, furling?" Irneeto studied her, worried.
She shook her head mutely, starting at Kern, unable to comprehend how all her hopes and dreams had been reduced to this utter wreckage. He returned her gaze for a moment, and then turned away.
She turned and fled, back to the lonely safety of her alcove, her cold and empty bed receiving her. She buried herself under the covers, hiding her head in her arms and sobbing in grief and anger and despair far into the night, until finally she fell into an exhausted sleep.