I've been working on one of my stories; I changed the title from My Beauty to Filling Her Heart. And now! I am happy because I FINALLY got my rap music.
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Weeks later, Eric invited me to a bar with him and Katie, his wife. I accepted which seemed to surprise him because there was a really long silence. He picked me up and drove to our favorite bar. "Hey, Liv," he said.
"Yep?" He calls me Liv a lot now but when we were kids he called me Viv.
"I forgot to tell you, but Leland is coming."
Wow. Okay. So, I get to see him again? I started to wonder if Leland was going because I was. I knew the thought was insane, but what if he did? I realized I hadn't replied yet. "Oh… Okay." For some reason what Eric had just told me didn't disappoint me.
"You don't have a problem with that?"
Considering that he did "break" into my apartment I really should care but for some reason I didn't. "No, not really," I said. That way it sounds like I do, but I don't mind him being there. Eric knows me too well. But then I can read his mind so I guess we're even.
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Leland was at the bar when we got there. He smiled at me. It scared me, the look in his eyes. I don't know what it was but it scared me. He stood and approached us. He hugged Eric and smiled at me again. "Hello," I said after a short smile.
"You look great," he told me. I looked down at my clothes. I was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt under a jacket. It was warm outside, but I still wore my jacket. I wasn't used to compliments so I just smiled and sat down. Leland sat next to me, Eric on my other side. Katie was next to Eric. Bro bought us all the drinks. I was silent as the others spoke. I could fell Leland's eyes on me, trying to inside me. This frustrated me. I didn't want him to know what had happened to me, I didn't want anyone to know. I was worried he would consider me crazy if he did know. Nothing that happened to me was my fault, but if I had made different choices it wouldn't have happened. At least I took a few men with me. Though I want Leland to UNDERSTAND why I'm afraid I don't want him to know what happened. That is the thing I want to forget. People say I was brave, maybe I was, but I lost everything and they pay me with nothing.
Now, as I sit in this bar with this man staring at me, I HAVE to think back on what has happened to me. Leland wants to know and I really should tell him, but I just can't.
I look over and see him watching me. "Are you alright?" he asks me. Sometimes I ask myself the same question.
"Yes." I nod, but he doesn't seem to believe me. And at that moment I didn't give a damn. It was up to him to believe me.
"You sure?" First he doesn't believe me and now he's asking me if I'm sure. I think he's TRYING to annoy me now. And he's doing a very good job.
I rolled my eyes. Eric looked over at Leland. "Never ask her that. She can get pretty pissed," he said. I was glad he did too. I would've screamed at Leland.
"Well, she won't answer my questions and I'm curious."
That made me want to kill him. Of course I won't answer them. And he's prying into my business. "Well, the answer to your questions is none of your business," I said coldly and I meant it.
"You're just feeling sorry for yourself."
Now THAT pissed me off. People feel sorry for me and I hate that. I am simply scared and I don't have to justify myself to anyone, especially not him.
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Around eleven, everyone was ready to go home. Eric approached me looking almost worried. "Hey Liv."
"Yeah?" Something was wrong, I could tell. He was about to ask me to do something he knew I couldn't do, or just wouldn't.
"Well, my house is the opposite way from your apartment and it's on the way to Leland's place—"
"What? What are you saying?" My heart began to race because I knew what he meant, what he was going to say.
"It'll be fine. Leland's a good guy."
"Eric, people are good sometimes, but they do crazy stuff, stuff that is WRONG. Please don't ask me to do this." I was almost begging but he was asking me to trust this man and that hurt.
"You'll be fine. Please." I saw him begging me to be strong and brave; this really tore at my heart. My strength and my bravery are the reasons I'm like I am. How could he ask me to trust MYSELF again?
I was about to completely loose it and I knew he could see me slowly crumbling. "Okay." If Eric trusted Leland then so could I.
"Okay." He hugged me close. "You call me when you get home, okay?"
I nodded and smiled. He only asked me to do that so I would feel more safe. I agreed and followed Leland to his truck.
"So, you and your brother seem pretty close," Leland said. I thought I heard a question in this, but I ignored it. If he wants to know what happened to me he's going to have to stop asking and wait until I'm ready to tell him.
"We're close, yes. He's the big brother and feels he has to protect me. My family was knit back together from nothing over these past three years." It was PART of what happened to me, but the reasons we fell apart were unknown and the reason I'm like I am was unknown.
We were silent until he pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building. "You want me to walk you up?" he asked me as I got out. This was strange to me. It was almost as if Eric had told him to protect me, to MAKE me feel safe. I didn't want him to walk me up, but at the same time I didn't want to walk up alone.
"Sure. That'd be great." He turned off the car and followed me up. At my apartment door he watched me unlock my door.
"Will you be alright for the night?" he asked me. I began to wonder if Eric had told him everything, but Eric NEVER talks about it, not even to me.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thank you." I watched him turn and head down the hall. I shut the door and locked it for the night.
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A few weeks later, my parents bought me a HOUSE and I started moving in. I was putting together my night stand when I saw Leland walking over. I frowned at him.
"Eric asked me to help him with the bigger stuff. I just wanted to see if you needed any help," he explained.
I went back to what I was doing. "Ah, I see."
"Nice place here. Probably a better area than were your apartment was."
I nodded. "Yeah, it'll be nice to be farther away from everything and closer to family." I looked up from what I was doing to find him staring at me. "What?" I had to ask.
He took a step towards me. This was almost frightening. I backed away until I tripped and fell backwards onto my bed. Leland climbed in next to me and began to kiss me. I felt strange; there was this feeling that had never felt before. I felt truly LOVED and adored… worshipped even.
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Eric and Leland stayed for dinner. I made them spaghetti, garlic bread, and salad. We sat at my table in my new house eating. Leland was smiling at me constantly, and I had to smile back.
"Well, how do you like your house?" Eric asked me.
"I love it!" I said smiling and it was true. I loved living here and I wanted to stay here. Maybe now I could sleep better at night.
"Eric, doesn't it bother you that your parents buy her house and didn't buy yours?" Leland asked taking a bite of salad.
"No, not really. Sis has been through a lot and she's the youngest so I always knew my parents would spoil her."
I smiled. They really did spoil me, but part of it is out of concern. They saw how scared I was and am to this day. What my nightmares did to me. What they had to done to me most of all.
It struck me then, I hadn't had a nightmare in quite a while. Almost TOO long it seemed. Something had changed in me so suddenly I don't know what. If I could have traced everything back to WHEN I changed I could have figured it out, but I just couldn't think of when this had happened.
"Well," Eric said standing. "I'm gonna head home. That was great, Sis. I'll call you when I get home."
I looked up at him. "No, it's fine. Dad I going to be calling any minute now. He calls every night to check on me."
"Okay. Take care." He smiled at me and walked out.
I saw Leland watching me. "Did he tell you?" I had to ask. There was no way I could hold that in any longer.
"Tell me what?" he asked quietly taking a sip of water.
"About what happened to me. Did you tell you?" I was afraid he knew, but then I would be glad because I wouldn't have to tell him.
"No. I've given up asking." He smiled at me, stood and cleared his plate. I followed him.
Leland pulled me into his arms and led me to my bedroom.
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One thing I REALLY like about this story is that there's less fragments so I don't have to spell check as much, lol. I'm going to go work on Filling Her Heart pretty soon. I'm really starting to like that one. I think it's the next chapter where you will figure everything out. Let me check… Well, yeah, duh it is because there's only one more chapter, I think. I might make it two shorter chapters just for the heck of it.
