Bella became increasingly aware of the murmuring voices around her. There was a great deal of pain in her chest, much like there had been over the last couple of days, and she wanted nothing more than to be unconscious again. It was then, she didn't feel any pain. Despite this fact, it was hardly something she would like to admit to Edward or even Carlisle for that matter. They had already been doing too much for her. She felt like the biggest burden.
She was being given pain medication through the plan that Carlisle had organised. Twice a day, first, after breakfast and the final dose just before dinner. She looked forward to these hours, even counted down to them.
'This is silly', Bella's intrusive thoughts took over for the second time today. 'Carlisle is the last person to judge. If anything he would be very disappointed that I wasn't telling him the truth'.
This aspect made a great deal of common sense to Bella, however, the completely self-sabotaging and stubborn inner-voice won again for the second time. She would remain quiet and be as little of a burden as possible.
The murmuring voices were getting clearer, either they were talking louder or Bella was getting closer to consciousness, and with it came pain.
"It's not that she isn't recovering Edward. That is not what I was thinking, it's just I would have expected her to be more alert by this stage, that is all," Carlisle's calm voice penetrated Bella's partly conscious brain.
"Then there must be something wrong, Carlisle," Edward's voice sounded pained.
There was silence as Carlisle was presumably thinking about something.
"Well..." He began slowly, "Maybe the loss of blood has caused some iron deficiencies, that would directly lead to her increased tiredness. But, it should have shown up on her blood works I am monitoring. I might go and get a vial to take some more blood and run a couple more tests".
Bella heard the sound of Carlisle's chair scraping as he got up. The motion sounded must faster than a normal human was she was sure Carlisle was moving at vampire speed until he reached the door.
Bella was rethinking her decision not to let Carlisle know about her pain management when she noticed a much more pressing issue. The night before Carlisle had removed her Catheter, and since then, she had not visited the bathroom. Another result of her decision to be as little of a burden as possible. But now, she was desperate. Her eyes snapped open in desperation. She scanned the room and saw to her complete shock that there was no one there. She knew Carlisle just left but she never heard Edward go anywhere. Panic set in. She knew she was not going to make it to the bathroom, especially without any assistance, and there was none in sight. She gasped in pain as she tried to reach the nurse call button, but it was no use. Her lungs protested angrily and she lay still, mortified as she lost control in the bed.
As shame set in, Bella began breathing uncontrollably and painfully fast, causing a spike in the beeps of her heart rate monitor. Bella was shocked when she saw Edward come running out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, dripping wet.
The shock was almost enough to make her forget the whole ordeal. Edward didn't even need to shower, this made her wonder why he was bothering. Maybe just to keep up appearances she decided.
"What's wrong love!?" Edward said, a spike of worry edging into his tone, whipping out his phone. More than likely messaging Carlisle, Bella thought. And she was right, seconds later Carlisle came running into the room, slightly too quickly for it to pass as normal human speed.
His voice was nonetheless calm, "Bella? What's wrong?" His eyes darted to the heart monitor which was going crazy fast along with Bella's breathing.
He knelt down next to her. Bella was convinced Carlisle had immediately clued onto the fact this had nothing to do with her medical state, and it was only a panic attack. This became clear as a began asking her to breathe with him. She watched as he took a big breath in, indicating for her to follow suit. Bella took a shaky breath and did so. This time her lungs protested again and she moaned in pain.
"A slightly smaller one now," Carlisle said as he noticed Bella's struggle to breathe too deeply. He simulated a smaller one this time. Within a few breaths, Bella's breathing was back under control and she was grimacing at the pain around her body. Small tears forming in the corners of her eyes
Carlisle took a seat on the side of the bed, his caring eyes looking meaningfully into Bella's.
"Now," he said eyeing her cautiously, "I need you to be honest with me Bella. I cannot help you unless you tell me the truth. You seem to be in a lot of pain."
'Oh no,' Bella thought, 'He's clued onto me.'
"No, it's nothing," she whispered, though she knew from the look Carlisle was giving her the gig was up and she would have to tell him the truth.. everything. Her heart spiked at the thought of this again as she squirmed uncomfortably in the now wet bed.
"Bella," the patience that Carlisle had with her was astonishing as his eyes flicked calmly over to the betraying heart monitor as it spiked again. "There must be something you aren't telling me. Would you like me to increase your pain medication?"
Bella sheepishly nodded.
Carlisle closed his eyes and sighed placing his hands in his head, "I wish you would have told me earlier, Bella," his words sounded pained. "I could have helped, it would have been no issue. This is why I am here."
Bella was silent as she watched Carlisle get up leaving the room, returning seconds later with a small syringe. He injected it into the IV as he did with each dose of medication. The relief was almost instantaneous and showed on Bella's face as she breathed a sigh of relief.
"We will trial three doses a day and see if that makes the pain more manageable", Carlisle stroked some of the hair from Bella's head as he said this smiling slightly.
"Love", Edward said having re-clothed in the time her and Carlisle were talking. "Promise me you will be honest with Carlisle, I'd hate to think you were in so much pain the last couple of days and weren't telling us."
Carlisle agreed quietly with a small nod in Bella's direction. "Is there anything else that is bothering you?"
'Oh no, I hoped he wouldn't ask', Bella thought quickly glancing at the bedsheets over to Edward and back at Carlisle her eyes wide.
'Damn', she thought watching his reaction to this, he stepped forward slightly. He knew something was wrong, he had clued onto that much. Small tears laced the corners of her eyes again snapping from Carlisle to Edward.
Carlisle's wit was surprising to Bella. Edward always spoke of how Carlisle was born to be a carer, but she never realised the almost sixth sense he had for his patient care. Bella hardly noticed as it happened too quickly. Carlisle swiftly edged closer to the bed, his hand slightly feeling under the covers, realisation drawing on his face.
"Edward", Carlisle said in a calm, soothing voice. It made Bella feel very safe despite the complete embarrassment she was currently experiencing. "Do you think Bella and I could have a moment alone?"
Bella sighed slightly, as much as she loved and absolutely adored Edward, this was one thing she would rather keep quiet. Edward opened his mouth to protest but Carlisle gave him a meaningful look. Bella could hardly stand the betrayal, she was sure Carlisle had let Edward read his thoughts so he knew what was happening. Edward met Carlisle's eyes giving him a small nod.
Herself and Carlisle sat in silence for a brief moment as Edward left the room.
When they were alone Carlisle turned to Bella, his caring eyes piercing her own and a wave of warmth and relaxation washed over her.
"Let's get you cleaned up and," he reached his hand out towards Bella, "Please do not feel embarrassed, it happens. You are ill, sometimes these things cannot be helped."
Bella's lip trembled, "But... you shouldn't be dealing with something like this. Surely a nurse should be doing this instead of you."
Carlisle who was reaching out to pull the bed blankets down stopped in his tracks, "Sorry Bella, I didn't think. Would you prefer a nurse do this? I completely understand?"
Bella thought for a moment, best to keep the spread of embarrassment to a minimum, "No. I don't mind if you help."
"Only if you are sure Bella," Carlisle said washing his hands over at the sink and putting some white rubber gloves on. He collected some new bedsheets over at the cupboards over the sink.
Carlisle was so gentle and kind as he changed the bedding around Bella and helped her into a fresh new gown, she could hardly believe the dedication.
Carlisle had finished and was over at the sink disposing of his gloves and washing his hands when he asked, "How are you feeling after that additional dose of pain medication?"
"Much better," Bella smiled, as, for the first time since before the accident she relaxed back onto her pillow without wincing in pain.
"I am so glad to hear", Carlisle said sitting down on the side of the bed. "I have been meaning to ask you, Bella. The others have been asking after you. They would like to come and see you. I wanted to wait until you felt a bit stronger. Do you think you would be ready for some visitors?"
Bella smiled in response. She thought about seeing the rest of her vampire family, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Esme and... even Rosalie, if she bothered to show up. "I'd love to see them".
Carlisle smiled, "I will get them to come first thing tomorrow morning, but, now, some rest." Bella knew it was a suggestion, but there was a hint of compassionate order in Carlisle's tone.
Bella smiled as she allowed her tired eyes to flutter shut, "I thought no one would ask", she sighed.