This actual story begins as the On star operator and his client are having a conversation on the phone. Robbie was just attacked by a squirrel. We are unsure as to when and unsure as to how. Sally, the operator, immediately steps into action. Do enjoy.

Sally: Did he say where he was going next?

Robbie: No He didn't Say where…He was massive though! I tried to shoot him… but he got away...because he was a squirrel and ran really fast

Sally: Did u shoot your foot again?

Robbie: No, not this time…almost though.

Sally: Oh that's good.

Robbie: I was wearing steel toe boots. That's why.

Sally: Oh I see. I wear those every day. It's perfectly normal.

Robbie: I do when I shoot because you know what happens if you don't.

Sally: So you really don't know where it's going next?

Robbie: Nope, really don't. Why?

Sally: Because there's an army of squirrels on the local news...

Robbie: Whoa! I'd better get my steel toe boots on and get a couple of grenades'!

Sally: Gee that building looks familiar that they're in front of!

Robbie: Hum, I wonder what it might be.

Sally: So familiar that... Hold on. The doorbell rang.

Robbie: Hide!

Sally: Be right back, I got to get that. It might be the UPS guy. He's delivering my recycled pencils today.

PAUSE DRAMATICALLY

Sally: Oh no! Help! On Star! I'm dying!

Robbie: Oh no!

Sally: They're pulling me away from the phone!

Robbie: You live too far away!

Sally: Take an airpla...silence

Robbie: No! Why!

Mr. Squirrel: Hello this is Mr. Squirrel.

Robbie: What have u done with her?

PAUSE DRAMATICALLY

Robbie: Don't make me get the gun!

Mr. Squirrel: Don't you dare use that tone with me!

Robbie: Ha! What are you gonna do?

Mr. Squirrel: You'll be sorry, mister.

Robbie: Sissy! I dare you to send an army of squirrels!

Mr. Squirrel: Oh, don't worry, I already did.

Robbie: Oh yeah? Well… I laugh in the face of squirrels!

Mr. Squirrel: I laugh in the face of guns!

Robbie: Wait… you sent what?

Mr. Squirrel: Yeah. And they can teleport like magic! O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o!

Robbie: Sigh Can you wait? I got to get the door. It might be the pizza guy. Did you hear about Dominoes new 2 for 1 deal?

Mr. Squirrel: Yes. It's very interesting.

Robbie: Ahhh! Squirrels!

Mr. Squirrel: Muahaha

boom boom

Robbie: Ahhh my foot!

Mr. Squirrel: Good job, fellow squirrels!

Robbie: Someone call 9-1-1! Wait... I work for On Star… Gaah!

Mr. Squirrel blinks

Robbie puts phone down and struggles under squirrels

Robbie: You'll never take me alive!

DRAMATIC PAUSE

Robbie: Muahaha! I've defeated all of your puny squirrels! Muahaha! You can do nothing to defeat me now! Does happy dance

Mr. Squirrel: No comment. Here. Have your stupid girl back! I'm fleeing for my life!Robbie: Ha! Run, sissy!

Mr. Squirrel: I'm taking a mental note of this conversation for future reference before I flee.

Sally: gasp

Robbie: What?

Sally: Do u know how long it takes for squirrels to untie knots?

Robbie: Oh. Guess not. How long?

Sally: Pretty long! They're still working on my feet.

Robbie: Oh my good golly gosh!

Sally: They told me to tell you to look behind you. They sent their mutated squirrel or something…whatever that means!

Robbie!!! Oh no... I killed the whole army but forgot 1 squirrel…the buff one…

Sally: That's usually not a good sign.

Robbie: Hold on… good gracious!

Sally: What? What's happening? Want me to call 9-1-1?

Robbie: I am 9-1….

Gets punched in face by huge squirrel.

Robbie: Oh that's it.

Attempts to punch squirrel but breaks hand on rock hard abs.

Robbie: owe!

Sally: Oh sorry...I should've warned u not to punch him….I'd try burning or squeezing or something.

Robbie: Oh. Good idea. I'll try that…

sneers
Robbie: Muahaha!

Burns torch and waves around like maniac

Robbie: Ahhh timber! Oh snap. He's falling on me! Ahhh run for your life!

Creak! Boom!

Robbie: Oh darn, now I'm stuck. I'll try to get him off but he weighs a lot.

Sally: That's okay. I just sent a stick for you FedEx to pry him off.

Robbie: Oh. Thanks! How about a cast for my broken hand, too?

Sally: By the way, you're a fast Typer! I'm a psychic. I know these things.

Robbie: Oh thanks. I practice! I even compete in world tournaments.

Sally: Oh, really? Wow! I never knew there was such a thing!

Robbie: I got beat last month though... By a Brit named Sir Typesfast. He types 193 words a minute with 1 hand! I was no match… It was me versus him in the finals. But he blew me away.

Sally: Oh. I'm sorry.

Robbie: Doorbell! Must be my stick!

Clears throat

Robbie: Mom! Could you get the door? I'm stuck under a giant squirrel!

DRAMATIC PAUSE

Robbie: Whew!

Sally: Wait, she can't hear you. Well… if she could, that would be amazing! She's over here doing aerobics in the garage with the music turned up real loud.

Robbie: What do you mean? She's in the kitchen making broccoli… well I think so anyways.

Sally: Sigh That wasn't your real mom then, silly.

Robbie: Hmm. That might be a problem. How am I gonna get this squirrel off now?

Sally: Oh well, I got to go eat dinner. Good luck with that squirrel…we're having steak and potatoes!

Robbie: Oh. That's too bad. Well, I guess I'll talk to you later… Bye Sally!

Sally: See you later, Robbie!