Healing Rifts

Tony and Ziva heal the rifts with Gibbs – Fall 2017

Chapter 1 – Ziva – Last week in September

"Ducky, we have been back in the States for a little over a month," Ziva had invited the old doctor for lunch. Tony was at his new job at FLETC-Cheltenham; Ziva really wanted to have a private chat with the old man to ask his advice.

Ducky patted Ziva's arm, "And I for one am very glad that you and Anthony chose to come home, Ziva. I missed you both. Plus, I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know the two children. Talia has certainly inherited traits from you and from her father. Little Anthony is going to be his father's image."

"Well, I am glad that you are their 'Grandducky' and that they have you in their lives," she replied. "With a lack of grandparents related by lineage, we appreciate all who are substitute grandparents for the children."

"It is my honor, dear Ziva."

The two moved to the sitting area in the living room of the rented house as Ziva carried the teapot and cups on a small tray. She poured tea for Ducky and for herself with a smile.

"I have missed our teatime."

Ducky smiled, "As have I, we must do this more often."

"Ducky, I… well… Yom Kippur is this coming Friday night, and I… well… this is not easy for me to do, but I must ask for your forgiveness for any pain or hurt or harm that I have caused to you. I am…" Ziva blurted out what she wanted to say to the old doctor in one breath.

The man patted her hand, "Ziva, dear, you did what was necessary to protect your family. What is important is that you are here now with Anthony and your children."

Ziva nodded and brushed a tear from her eyes, "But do you forgive me?"

"I do, my dear. You are family; I will always forgive you."

She hugged the old doctor, "Toda, Ducky. Now, about Gibbs… how do I ask for his forgiveness and repair the rifts with him?"

"Ziva, dear, you start as you did with me. Yom Kippur is known as the Day of Atonement, is it not?" Ducky suggested. When Ziva nodded against his shoulder, he continued, "As we both well know, Jethro is a good listener."

"That is true," she replied, pulling back from the hug. "I shall try to get over to his house when Tony can stay with Tali and Anthony. I want to clear the mammoth in the room."

~Rifts~

"Are you sure you are okay with being alone with the children for a bit?" Ziva asked Tony for the third or fourth time.

Tony nodded as he finished tugging the sleeper on Anthony. "He's almost out for the night; Tali and I can play a game or watch a movie while you are out. Go; we'll be fine. This is something you need to do for you."

"Toda, neshama. You will have your time soon," Ziva gave him a kiss as she prepared to head to Gibbs' house to have her chat with him. At his scowl, she continued, "You need to heal rifts as much as I do. Think about it, please."

"Okay, but no promises." He lifted Anthony off the changing table and carried the baby to the rocking chair in his room. "Right now, we're gonna read about animal families." Tali climbed up next to her baby brother as her Abba opened the picture book to begin reading.

Ziva grabbed her set of keys to the mini-van and headed out to visit Gibbs. She figured he was probably in his basement working on some project as she knew from Tim that the team had no pending cases. She pulled in the driveway and sat there for a few minutes, steeling herself for the conversation, or perhaps monologue, that she was about to have.

Ziva opened the van door and strode to the porch, checking that the front door was still in its usual unlocked state. She slowly opened the door, noting that Gibbs was not in his living room. That was good as far as she was concerned, she felt this conversation needed to be in his basement for some reason.

Using her Mossad-taught stealth skills – the ones Tony called her Ninja skills – she quietly moved from the front door to the basement door. It was open and the light from below lit the opening. She paused, collecting her thoughts until a voice from below called out.

"Gonna stand up there all night or come down?"

Ziva moved down one step at a time, purposefully pausing on each step as she neared the bottom. She sat on the next to last step and greeted her former boss.

"Hello, Gibbs."

Without looking up he replied to her in his usual terse manner, "Ziver."

The two were silent, Ziva sitting on the step, and Gibbs sanding a portion of the boat hull for almost ten minutes before Ziva spoke again.

"It is almost Yom Kippur," she started. "I… I… have come… to ask… to ask… forgiveness." She looked over at the man she had considered a father for so many years, trying to judge his reaction.

Gibbs kept sanding and did not look up. He knew that, like many of the others on or formerly on his team, if he waited she would eventually open up.

"So, I… um… I wanted… to clear the mammoth in the room… to ask… um… for forgiveness… to make amends before Yom Kippur," Ziva started speaking when she could not stand the silence any longer. "I… um… I… know… there has been a lot that has happened… a lot of water under the dam… I am sorry, Gibbs, if I hurt you." She paused to gather her thoughts and moved from the step to the bow of the upside-down boat under construction.

Gibbs looked up from his sanding and watched her move. She gazed at him, trying to lock eyes with the man. His steely blue had a way of calming her even as they unnerved her with the gaze he gave her.

"Look, I… I… am… trying… I need to have your forgiveness to start the new year off… I am sure you understand even though you have rule six… never apologize, it is a sign of weakness. Well, sometimes I am weak… I am… I am working through my weakness and…" again she paused to organize her thoughts before continuing.

Gibbs kept sanding, shooting a brief glance her way.

Ziva sighed, she knew going in that this conversation would be more of a monologue. "I have been seeing a psychologist for my anxiety and self-doubts. But that is not why I came here tonight. I… know… that… when… I… left… When I went back to Israel… and did not return… I know that I hurt people… but I needed to get my mind in a good place… Tony knew that when he came back here… I know it hurt him to have to leave… But Tali… well, the gift he left me… my Tali… she helped me… she saved me from my inner demons…

"When I sent her to Tony… I had to protect her… and him… I had to fake my death… I…" she choked up as she thought about the journey in the summer of 2016. She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, and took a deep breath. "I… had to hurt the two people that I love most in this world… And you… you… did not even question anything… You barely acknowledged my child… our child… to her father… my neshama.. my rock… my love…

"I… we… Tony and I… we had to find our way as a family first before we came home… We needed time to figure out where we were and where we might be headed as a family. I needed to get my fears under control as well… Tony has been so supportive and he is the one… He is my Shannon, Gibbs. I think I knew that for a long time, but I could not admit it… and your stupid rule twelve did not help… It hurt both of us more than we knew until I found them in Paris… We have talked about it a lot… but as Tony said, we cannot focus on what ifs; we have to look forward from where we are at the moment…"

At the mention of his rules, Gibbs looked up at Ziva. He could see the pain in her face, even though she was looking at the boat hull. He silently and impassively watched her run her fingers over the wood of the bow.

"We needed to be complete and whole… as this wood is on the hull… smooth and united into one unit…" Ziva could feel the steely blue eyes watching her, but she could not look up from the boat hull just yet. "We are a family, Tony, Tali, Anthony, and I… we will always have each other's backs. His love is sometimes my lifeline when the mind demons surface… that is becoming less and less as time goes by… I am slowly becoming a whole person and I like who I am finally… But I cannot feel that I have healed fully until I have your forgiveness. It is important to me to have you just say that you forgive me for any and all hurts and pain that I have caused in the past… Please?"

She finally looked up into Gibbs' gaze. He turned away from the boat hull and put the sandpaper down on a bench, still maintaining eye contact. "Please Gibbs, it is more for me than you can know…"

"Ziver," Gibbs spoke for the first time since she had started her apology at the bottom of the stairs.

She waited for him to continue all the while keeping her gaze locked on his. She took a few steps towards the man, hoping he would say something, anything, else. He opened his arms and she fell into the hug.

"I will always forgive you, Ziva," the man whispered as he embraced her. "You always forgive your kids."

Ziva fought the tears that were forming in her eyes, "Toda… Abba."