His hand gripped the pencil tightly as it touched down onto the legal pad and snapped.
"Dammit!"
He took a deep breath, frustration coursing through him. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.
"Hey…"
Sonny looked up and saw Olivia standing in the doorway to his office.
"Bad time?"
He gave her a quick smile and stood up from his chair.
"No, just really in the grind this week."
Olivia gave him a knowing smile and placed a folder on his desk.
"I won't keep you, just wanted to get you the file right away, thought it might speed up the process and the originals can't be emailed."
"Thanks," he said briefly looking at the contents.
"Carisi? You sure you're OK?" worry was now weaving into her voice.
"Yeah, I just need to prioritize a bit. This is helpful, really, thank you."
She hesitated for a moment and then quietly left him to it.
The truth was…everything was OK. His confidence at work was growing every day. He felt prideful about his work and accomplishments. He'd found ways to reframe his loses. He was locked into a groove he hadn't anticipated he'd find so quickly.
And, he had her. Finally he had her. Her laugh, her smile, her embraces, her winks.
It had been a shock when it happened. He replayed their first kiss over and over in his mind. He remembered how his head buzzed and his lips tingled. It was sweet, the sweetest in fact. And it had continued to be lovely in that giddy, happy, hidden glances kind of way for the past few months.
So, was there a problem? No, no everything was fine. Fine and good.
His phone rang then, taking him away from his thoughts.
"Hey Rollins," he smirked, already feeling better.
"Counselor Carisi, the girls request your presence this evening," Amanda said with mock formality.
"And what would this request be regarding?"
"They have a Google Slide presentation that requires our immediate attention."
Sonny laughed and checked his watch.
"Give me an hour, and let them know I demand pizza before I take on any cases," he said grabbing some paperwork and placing it in his briefcase.
An hour later he entered her apartment and braced himself as both girls came running to greet him talking continuously.
"Pizza first!" he reminded them as he took off his shoes and hung up his coat.
He turned to the kitchen to wash his hands and stopped in his tracks. Amanda was by the sink with her shirt pulled up trying to wipe a stain off the front of it. Her stomach on display and her hip bone protruding a bit as his old sweatpants fell loosely around her waist.
"Pizza sauce. Already," she said, "we haven't even eaten anything yet."
"Hi," he said walking to her and placing his hands on her hips.
She giggled and backed away after giving him a quick peck.
His hands twitched.
He took a deep breath and began washing his hands so he could help with dinner.
The evening was a typical one for the familiar group. Pizza, dessert, playing with Frannie. Then, the girls presented a Google slide presentation in which they attempted to persuade Sonny to convince Amanda that they should get another dog, a puppy. The images and slides were a mess, but it was adorable.
Then, it was calm.
Sonny stretched his legs out on the couch and took a sip of red wine. He waited for Amanda to finish saying good night to the girls. He had helped with bedtime, but always liked to give her some of her own time with her girls.
When she came back into the living room, Amanda grabbed her glass of wine, took a long sip and then snuggled up next to him.
"What do you want to watch?" she asked, going right into their default evening activity.
"You," he responded with a grin.
"Clever, Counselor," she laughed as she leaned in to kiss him.
He sighed as her lips touched his. There it was again, that sweetness. He even felt that slight buzz although they had kissed many times since the initial one.
She stood up indicating he should follow her into the bedroom. He took another sip of wine and then headed in her direction.
They'd been together only a small handful of times due to their busy schedules and he felt instant relief knowing they were finally going to have some time together again.
Their sex had very much mimicked their first kiss in that it was a bit hesitant, sweet, and loving. And, as much as he hated to admit it, catholic guilt and all, he was surprised and just how vanilla it had all been. The quiet sighs, the quick "mmm hmms" of consent, the instant transition to sleep afterward. It just felt…too simple. And he had to wonder, is this how she wanted it to be? Or was this how she thought HE wanted it to be? He'd never say he was unsatisfied, because no matter the vibe, this was still Amanda Rollins, but there was a constant thought in his head that it was the latter. And when he daydreamed about how it could be, if she understood her incorrect assumptions, well, it was almost more than he could take.
His fingers twitched again.
As he walked down the hallway he thought of the pencil snapping in his hand.
"You OK?" Amanda asked when he entered the room.
"Of course 'Manda," he said closing the door behind him.
He watched and she started to remove the sweatpants. Her movements seeming automatic and routine.
He grabbed her wrist gently and stopped her.
She looked at him, confused.
How to do this? How to say what he needed to say? How to express how he felt without making her think he had unrealistic expectations of her?
"Can we talk first?" he asked, heart rate increasing to the point he felt it in his breathing.
"Sure," she said, uncertain as she sat down on the bed.
He stood in front of her and took a deep breath.
"Sonny…?"
"This has been amazing for me. Do you know that Rollins?" he began. "You, us, this. It's felt so good to know it was finally our time."
She nodded, still looking nervous as he spoke.
He tried to put the words together, frustrated with himself. Then, without thinking it through enough he blurted out, "Is this good for you?"
She blinked up at him, "Um, yes, of course, is it not…I mean, for you..?"
He sighed. Running his fingers through his hair.
"Look 'Manda this is good. Very good. I just, I sometimes feel like maybe you're holding back a bit. Maybe you keep it simple because you think that's my style."
"Simple?" She said, the irritation building in her voice.
"No, not…fuck," Sonny sighed. "I just want you to be happy. You know that. And since we've gotten together I followed your lead and I just want to be sure this is what makes you happy, not just what you think makes me happy."
Her eyes narrowed and although he tensed up preparing for an argument he also realized this was what he missed. What he thought would make it's way into the bedroom with them. The sass, the sarcasm, the pushing one another, the passion.
"I'm sorry if I've kept it too basic for you Counselor," she said, voice oozing with a combination of "don't fuck with me" and "try me, I dare you."
He felt his body shift.
"There is nothing basic about you Amanda Rollins," he said in a whisper, "I just want you to know you don't have to play it so safe for my benefit."
Her eye brows raised.
He didn't regret the conversation, but he was certainly overwhelmed at not being able to read her right now.
She stood up and walked toward him. She put her arms around him and looked into his eyes. He let a breath out knowing now the fight wasn't coming. He could keep it simple, if that's what she needed. He leaned in to kiss her but just before he did she pulled away and tightened her grip on him.
"Get on your knees Dominick."
His groin reacted immediately.
"Manda…"
"I'm not gonna ask you twice."
Slowly he bent down until he was on his knees in front of her. Amanda grabbed his hair and tilted his head back so that he was looking up at her.
"So sweet," she drawled. "Bless your heart."
She released him and stood back a bit.
She began to undress, painfully slow, watching as he struggled to keep quiet. When she was completely undressed she sat on the edge of her bed and opened her legs wide so that he could see all of her.
"Fuck." he cursed quietly as his dick began to ache pushing against his work pants.
Amanda began to move her hands then. She grabbed at her breast and stopped to play with her nipples. She held one up and leaned down to lick it with her tongue. Sonny growled and made a movement forward.
"Easy Counselor," she purred as she moved a hand down to lower body.
Sonny watched as she started to rub herself, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. After a moment she opened her eyes. "I'm ready for you now."
He flew over to her, tearing his shirt off on the way.
"Hold on," she said, her voice suddenly assertive and powerful, "I didn't say you could get off your knees." She pushed him hard on the ground where he landed right in front of her legs. He tentatively moved forward gently kissing her inner thigh. Then, without warning Amanda grabbed the back of his head and pushed his lips right into the center of her. His very first taste of her, ever, was bliss. He immediately started licking up and down, then finding her clit and sucking as she moaned. Her fingers ran through his hair as he licked long purposeful strokes up and down. Then he pushed his tongue forward and into her as her hips rocked forward.
"Fuck yes Counselor," she gasped, which only made him lick faster.
Suddenly, she pushed him away.
"Take your cock out. Now."
He undid his belt and swiftly got fully undressed.
"Lay on top of me," she instructed.
He began to climb towards her but she stopped him.
"The other way."
He paused for a minute, confused, then realized what she was asking. Slowly he climbed over her positioning his head right above her wet pussy, putting his legs on either side of her head, his penis hanging just above her mouth.
He felt her tongue lick the tip of his penis and wasn't sure he'd last more than a few seconds of this.
"Bring it here Counselor," she demanded. He lowered himself down to her and felt his entire cock go into her mouth. She began sucking immediately as he dove back into her pussy with his tongue.
They both moaned loudly. Amanda slipped Sonny out of her mouth and placed her mouth around his balls taking them in completely. Then, she licked the sensitive spot just behind them.
Sonny moaned into her knowing he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.
They continued with their tongues and mouths as they somehow wrapped themselves around each other even more. Amanda wrapped her legs around Sonny's head pushing him into her as his started rocking into her mouth unable to control his reaction. He felt himself tensing up and knew she could feel it too, just as he was about to come she released his head and pushed him so that he rolled to the side of her.
"Not like that, you're gonna see me come," she said as she crawled over to him. He moved so that he sat on the edge of the bed and she climbed onto his lap, slowly aligning herself.
"Use that tongue," she said, looking down at her hard nipples. Sonny crushed his mouth over her right breast and licked vigorously. "Suck it, hard," she cried. Sonny responded immediately. "Make me come Dominick," she yelled. He grabbed his cock and placed it at just the right angle and brought her down on to him. She gasped and started to rock back and forth on his lap. He put his mouth to her left this time and sucked and licked as she started to come undone.
"Fuck me Dominick!"
He continued as she started to come. Hard. He felt every muscle in her body contract. Her head flipped back and she bit her lip as she rode it out giving a final few pumps to get every last ounce of the feeling out.
She collapsed into him and he held her tight, still feeling little trembles moving inside her.
"Amanda I…"
She pulled her head up and interrupted him with a kiss. It was passionate but loving.
"Thank you for being honest about what you wanted," she said.
"I hope you didn't do that just for me, I want you to be comfortable Amanda. I didn't mean to…"
"Oh, I wanted that so badly, so so badly," she said in almost a whine. "I'm so glad you said something Sonny. We needed it. I needed it. No more assumptions OK?
"Deal," he said, slightly shifting under her.
"Well maybe one more…" she said, her face getting serious again. "I assume you want your turn."
He laughed quietly and said "yes ma'am, I do."
He waited a moment for her to give instructions and when she realized she looked at him, innocently. "Oh no baby, it's your turn now. Tell me how you want me." His dick immediately reacted and she felt it grow hard, as he was still inside her.
He looked at her for a moment and then told her to move off him and lay on the bed.
"Do you know how many times I've thought about this? About you?" he said standing in front of her.
"Mmm…" she mumbled as she took in the sight of him. There was something about knowing he was taking over that made her legs clench together.
"Did you ever think of me 'Manda Rollins? Laying here at night? Think about me bein' here?"
She shook her head yes as he lowered his hand and began to stroke himself.
"Show me." He commanded as he walked up and stood at the edge of the bed, placing himself between her legs, which were hanging over the mattress.
She began moving her hand over herself. Her eyes closed.
"What did you think about? What got you off?"
She blushed.
"Manda, tell me. Now."
"I…I used to think of you cuffing me."
"And how did it feel?" he asked, pumping his fist a bit faster.
Amanda's eyes watched his hand back and forth and back and forth.
"Devine." She sighed as she slid a finger inside herself.
Sonny admired her and felt himself getting closer.
"I'm gonna come on your pussy. You hear me?" He growled.
"Yes sir," she cried. Sonny smirked a bit at the phrasing, thinking of how it fit into her cuffs fantasy.
"You gonna come again?" he asked, feeling her legs tighten around his.
"Yes!" She cried, closer than he realized.
"Wait until my cum is on your pussy, do you understand?" he almost hissed, right at the edge.
"Yes sir!" she called again, barely able to stop herself from release.
Sonny began to come hard, his release building up for the past hour. He came all over her pussy as she swiped her fingers over her clit in fast circles. Just as the last of his come landed on her she looked down, enjoying the site, and then let herself go.
They stayed put for a few seconds catching their breath. Finally she sat up and stood in front of him wrapping her arms around his lanky but powerful frame. He kissed her head and hugged her back.
"I'm so glad we got here," she said.
"Me too," Sonny agreed.
They cleaned up and climbed into bed collapsing next to each other in the darkness. Sonny leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.
"You know," he said. "I don't have cuffs anymore…"
"I do," Amanda smiled.
"You gonna cuff me Detective?" he whispered.
"If you want me to," Amanda replied, and then added, "Sir…"
"That's right," he said kissing her one last time before they dozed off.
Sweet. Simple. Satisfied.