Chapter 3
One night in particular, Sam and I were on our doorstep. He was dropping me off after a date, he went to kiss me goodbye and I was all of the sudden pulled into a flash back of the night Derek kissed me in that very spot. I was kissing Sam but it was as if I were kissing Derek. Why was my mind wandering to him like this? And why was I almost wishing that it were him kissing me instead of Sam. After saying goodnight to Sam I entered the house and after saying goodnight to Mom and George, laughing with Edwin about how stupid a show he had been watching was, kissing Marti goodnight, and sitting and talking with Lizzie for awhile about how her day had been I walked towards my room to get ready for bed as I walked passed Derek's room I could hear him typing away at his computer. After changing into a pair of pajama bottoms and a pink tank top I sat down at my computer and started to check my email. I started sifting through the many spam emails I had received and one of the emails I had received that night caught my eye. It was from Hockeymaster45 I started reading.
You don't really know who I am. Or at least I don't think that you know who I am. I mean you know me, but you won't know this is me when you receive this. Anyway I have these things that I want to tell you, because I can no longer keep them to myself without the risk of going insane. So hear me out. Don't close this email until you have heard everything I have to say, please, until I have told you everything I have wanted to tell you for weeks now, everything that I'm sure you could live without hearing. Especially from me. but as I said I can no longer lay awake at night with thoughts of you running through my head without you knowing those thoughts are there. So here I go…
I watch you walk through the halls of our school everyday, and everyday as I watch you I wonder. I wonder if you realize how absolutely gorgeous you are. I wonder if your boyfriend knows exactly how lucky he is just to be in your presence. I wonder if you know that when you're nervous you chew on your lower lip a little, which I think is absolutely adorable. I wonder what you are thinking when you pass me in the halls. I wonder if you even notice that you've passed me. I wonder what it would be like to hold you in my arms the way your boyfriend does. I wonder if you would ever feel the same about me. I watch you and I wonder and that's all I do all day. Yeah there are other conversations I have with other people but those go unnoticed. They don't rank very high up there on important conversations for the day. The only conversation that counts is the one I have mentally, inside my head. The conversation in which I ask you all these things that I wonder.
The email was simply signed
There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists.
I sat at my computer wondering who could have written such a beautiful email. My mind pointed towards Derek. But Derek could never say those things and especially could never feel those things about me. I mean Derek hated the idea of writing a love letter. Once when Sam had left a note on my locker he had made a comment about how "Extremely Chickish" it had been. Somehow I still had the feeling that Derek was involved with this. And somewhere deep inside of me I almost wished he was. I decided that regardless of whom the mystery emailer was I was going to respond to them in order to discover their identity. After sitting there for minutes thinking about what to write, I responded.
HockeyMaster,
All I can say is wow. Someone has left me speechless and I am never speechless. So I know you? Have I spoken to you? Do I see you often? How is it that you seem to know so much about me, enough to have such strong feelings for me, yet I feel I know nothing about you? Tell me who you are? What do you do? Are you someone I know or someone I have yet to meet? As you know I do have a boyfriend and cannot make any promises of love but my mind and heart are telling me that I should respond to you and tell you how I feel about the things that you wrote.
I have never received a letter that made me completely fall in love with the words on the paper or in this case the screen. You wrote words that I have used everyday but never seemed to have meaning until now. My heart leapt at every comma, every period, every space between the words my heart was aching for more. How is there a guy who is such a talented writer, somewhat a poet who passes me everyday and I have not noticed him? I have only had a guy tell me that I was gorgeous once before and yet still I never believed it until you made me feel it. In such a very short email you made me feel everything I have ever thought that a relationship should feel like things I have not felt in my current relationship, things I have never felt. I don't know you but I want to.
Please Write Back
BeautifulDreamer77