After responding to the email I decided to begin working on our reading assignments. I gathered my pajamas and walked to the bathroom to change for bed.
Derek's POV
I had been pacing my floor cursing at myself for writing that extremely lame email when I heard Casey walk out of her room and into the bathroom. As soon as I heard her turn on the water I curiosity got the best of me and I decided to sign back in, in hopes that she had responded. After signing in I saw that she had in fact responded. I began reading her email and was pleasantly surprised that she hadn't seemed to figure out that I had written the email. After reading the email three times to make sure there were no hidden signs that she might know it had been me, I decided to write back.
Casey,
I find it surprising that you have only ever been told you were gorgeous once before. Maybe because your beauty is the kind that intimidates. Trust me that is not a bad thing it just means that you are so beautiful that the thought of telling you is nerve racking because there are not words that can describe what I truly mean. I must admit I didn't think you would respond. I didn't take you as the kind of girl who took a lot of chance on secret admirers.
You do know me. I actually see and speak to you everyday. Trust me I'm no poet. I think that at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. I am not so great with words in person though. I see you and everything I want say stays locked away and instead these ridiculous things come out. So I say nothing of how I feel for you because there is nothing that I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it.
Speaking of poetry I actually wrote a poem. And trust me this is a big thing because as I said I am no poet. I'm not a writer of any sort but I figured since you inspired me enough to pick up a pen and write it you should be able to read it. So here it goes.
Have you ever fell in love but knew they didn't care?
Have you ever felt like crying but knew you'd get nowhere?
Have you ever watched them walk away not wanting them to go?
And whisper softly "I love you" not wanting them to know,
You've cried all night in misery and almost gone insane.
There's nothing else in this world that causes so much pain,
If I could choose between love and death I think I'd rather die
Love is fun but it hurts too much and the price you pay is high
So I say don't fall in love, you'll be hurt before it's through,
You see my friend I ought to know,
I fell in love with you.
I'll end it with that in hopes that you like it and decide to write back.
I hit send and then shut of my computer. I climbed into bed and lay there in silence wondering if it she would write back.
Back to Casey's POV
I was just finishing up what reading I was going to do for the night when I heard a quiet "You've got mail" coming from my computer screen.
My eyes couldn't help but water as I read the words on the screen. The email ended with a simple but powerful quote with no signature as to who had sent it though I now had my suspicions as to whom it was from.
"The hardest thing in life is to watch the person you love, love someone else. Seeing that look in their eyes knowing that they have never looked at you with such love, such a sense of wanting, needing and desire, then to have them walk away never knowing that that is the way you look at them."
I sat there a moment contemplating what to do. My heart was telling me to go talk to Derek ask him if he was the person who sent me this beautiful poem, but my head was telling me not to. As always I listened to my head. I turned out my lights, crawled into bed and attempted sleep. My mind was stuck on the email and the person behind it. It had to be Derek. The email brought my mind back to the feelings I had felt while I was kissing Sam. How I had imagined I was kissing Derek, how I had wanted it to be Derek. Then my mind took a trip back to the night Derek kissed me on the front porch. Though I didn't want to admit it at the time, he had been right all along. I had a feeling that he was about to kiss me only seconds before his lips actually touched mine, however I had not done a thing to stop him. I could have pushed him away or slapped him or yelled at him, god knows I have never been afraid to yell at Derek Venturi; but I did none of those things. I let him kiss me, I even kissed him back. I remember feeling safe and content while he kissed me. My mind wasn't reeling with incessant questions like it generally did while I was kissing Sam; instead I was completely unthinking and free from care. I got lost on a cloud of emotion where only he and I existed but suddenly found myself plummeting back to reality when he pulled away. All of the sudden my mind was swarming with thoughts and feelings about how unwelcome any romantic feelings I might have felt for him would be. Even if he and I did have some sort of feelings for each other, our parents would surely not approve of our acting on them. I lay awake for hours thinking about Derek and how I felt about him, the emails I had been receiving and how they had to be from Derek, and Sam and how I no longer felt anything romantic towards him. I decided that night that I would break up with Sam the next day at school I simply could not continue to be with them while I was wishing he was his best friend.
The next morning I quickly left the house not waiting to catch a ride from Derek like I usually did. Instead I rushed out to meet Emily at the bus stop. My attempts to avoid Derek were unsuccessful as I walked into school I saw him standing next to my locker.
"Uh hey" I walked up to my locker avoiding looking at him by starting to enter the code right away.
"Hey" he said. I could see out the corner of my eye that he was looking at me quizzically "Uh you forgot your chemistry book on the kitchen counter, Nora asked me to bring it to you. Are you okay?" He asked suddenly as I took the book from him mumbling "thank you" while still avoiding eye contact.
"Um yeah why wouldn't I be?" I asked beginning to sift through the things in my backpack in order to keep my eyes occupied. I was afraid that if I looked him in the eye he would see something there that I was trying to pretend did not exist. I was falling in love with my step brother.
"No reason I guess, you're just acting weird." He said waving to Sam who was walking down the hallway towards us.
"Oh well I guess I'm just tired that's all. See you later" I said as I hurriedly walked to my class trying to avoid Sam
I managed to make it until lunch without bumping into Sam or Derek. Emily and I walked into the crowded cafeteria and I spotted Sam sitting at a table with Derek and the rest of the hockey team. He stood up and walked towards us when he saw us standing in the doorway.
"Hey, Hey Emily" He said as he gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey" Emily and I both said in unison
"So Casey where ya been all day?" Sam asked pulling me off to the side
"Um I've been busy had a lot of work to catch up on" I said looking in Derek's direction Sam started telling me a story about his day and I must have been staring at Derek while he was doing so because all of the sudden I noticed Derek looking in my direction. As soon as he realized I had noticed this he gave me one of his famous Derek Venturi smirks and a little head nod before standing up and walking towards the exit. After Derek left I sat down with Sam and explained to him that I felt that we had been growing apart and I thought that we should end our relationship but continue to be good friends. He took it very well. Almost as if he had wanted the same thing. I didn't see Sam for the rest of the afternoon. I saw Derek a couple of times but he did not mention Sam at all so I assumed Sam had not told him yet.
That afternoon I arrived home and sat on the couch watching TV with Lizzie and Edwin when Derek stormed in from hockey practice.
"Casey do you think you could stop distracting Sam before practice? He didn't make a single goal today and he couldn't block to save his life" He ranted as he threw his gear on the floor
Although I had been the one to break up with Sam it instantly upset me and I ran up to my room.
A few minutes later Derek knocked on my door and walked in without waiting for an answer.
"Hey, I take it I said something wrong?" He said walking over to lean on my desk
"Sam and I broke up" I stated flatly
"Oh I'm sorry. Did he say why?" He asked me now sitting on top of the desk.
"I broke up with him actually" I said playing with the edge of the comforter on my bed "I just didn't feel anything anymore" I mumbled quietly
"Oh" he said quietly there was a long period of silence afterwards "So why are you so upset?" he finally asked getting up and sitting at the edge of my bed.
"I don't know I guess because I think I might have made a mistake I guess." I breathed a sigh with my confession "I mean yeah I didn't really like him like that anymore but that's not even why I broke up with him I broke up with him for this stupid reason which I shouldn't have and now I've ruined everything."
"Well, if you didn't break up with Sam because you weren't into him anymore than why did you?" Derek asked me looking me deep in the eyes.
"Because someone else made me feel wanted and Sam just makes me feel like he's with me because I'm there not because he wants to be. It's like we stay together because it's easier than being apart. But when I'm with Sam I'm not klutzilla, or the grade grubber, I'm just Casey, Sam's girlfriend. And I like not being the object of every joke at school, maybe I should have just stayed with him because now people are going to remember who I really am" I said getting up and walking to sit at my computer
"Or maybe people will see the real Casey." Derek said standing up and walking towards the door
"What do you mean?" I turned around in my chair
He stopped at the door and sighed before turning back to me looking me in my eyes "Maybe they'll see the Casey who is absolutely gorgeous, she's smart, she's fun, she's caring. Maybe everyone will see that you are this really amazing girl who deserves to be put on a pedestal by whatever guy you're with, not kept down here with all of us normal people. Sam didn't protect you from everyone seeing who you really are Casey… he kept people from seeing who you really are because all you became was "Sam's girlfriend". Derek sighed again looking at the floor for a moment
"But I don't want to be that girl who is put on a pedestal; it's too far to fall when they realize I don't belong there." I said turning back around to my computer
"You belong there Case" was all he said before walking out
I sat there staring into space thinking about what Derek had said a few minutes later mom called everyone down for dinner. I took my usual seat across from Derek I was the last person to arrive at the table and Lizzie and Derek seemed to be involved in a discussion about Lizzie playing hockey again.
"Come on Lizzie you were starting to get pretty good there when I was training you" Derek said reaching across the table to retrieve the peas.
"I am not going to play hockey again. I'll probably suck even worse because I haven't played in so long" Lizzie said pleading with mom and Derek.
"Lizzie I think you should give it a try besides I already signed you up. Maybe Derek would be willing to coach you again" Mom said looking towards Derek
"Sure I mean after all I am the hockey master" Derek said popping his collar I had been taking a sip of my water when I choked at his comment and spit it out across the table onto him
"Gross" Edwin and Lizzie yelled at the same time
"Cool" Marti exclaimed cheering
"Casey are you okay?" Mom and George asked
Derek just sat there for a second and began wiping his shirt where I had spit on him "Now Derek I'm sure that was an accident Casey didn't mean to spit all over you" George started trying to diffuse an argument before it happened
"Uh I'm sorry it must have gone down the wrong pipe or something" I said not looking at Derek
"Yeah or something" Derek said still wiping his shirt "don't worry about it I needed a shower anyway" I looked up at him surprised at his calmness he smiled at me and gave me a quick wink
After Dinner I helped mom wash the dishes and then I went to my room to get ready for bed. I decided to check my email before climbing into bed. I signed in and had a few emails from Emily and at the bottom of the list was an email from Hockeymaster I opened it wondering what it said I hadn't responded to the last email so I was surprised I had received it. It was short but to the point.
"True love is when you put someone on a pedestal, and they fall - but you are there to catch them"
I stared at the screen for a moment. It was him. All of my suspicions and hoping it was Derek but it really was him. I mean how could it not be the comment at dinner and then this? It was definitely him. Outside my door I heard Derek joking with Edwin and then I heard his door close. All of the sudden before I could think I was up and walking towards his room. Before I knew it I was barging into his room without knocking. He had been sitting at his computer and stood up quickly when I walked in.
"Uh hey Casey. What's up?" He said looking at me like I was crazy
I walked to where he was standing "well you see I wanted to ask you something" was all I said and quicker then I could convince myself not to; I grabbed his shirt pulling him towards me and I was kissing him.
He seemed shocked. He stood there stiff unmoving for a moment with his hands at his sides and then just as I was about to pull away he softened and placed one hand on my waist pulling me towards him and the other he brought up to my head, running his fingers through my hair. This kiss was not like the first one. It was heated and full of passion. That kiss said everything I had been feeling for him and everything his letters made me feel. It just felt right. We stood there kissing for a few minutes and then I slowly pulled away kissing him softly one more time before turning and walking out leaving him with a dazed look on his face.
I rushed back into my room and plopped down at my computer breathing heavily shaking my head in disbelief at what I had just done. Suddenly I heard a dinging noise coming from my laptop telling me I had an instant message.