Hello and welcome back for Chapter 2. Sorry it took a little longer than expected. It is my goal to update weekly, but this weekend got away from me. There is just not enough days in a weekend! Thank you so much for the kind comments. i must warn you this chapter is going to be rather emotional. i prefer AO3 because you can use a lot more tags! But i know not everyone reads on both sites :) Without giving too much away, just remember the summary for the story. There is some noticeable hints in there. but most importantly...just trust me ;) Hope you enjoy
Will and Hailey sat next to each other in the waiting room, not saying a word. Just the presence of the other helping to keep their growing emotions at bay. Hailey felt like she was living a dream. How were they on the highest of highs last night, enjoying a weekend together and decorating their new home for the upcoming holiday, sharing a night and morning of passion together, and now she was waiting in the surgery waiting room with her husband's equally worried brother. Nothing felt right. There was blood on her pants. Red stains on her hands. She looked up into the lights above the waiting room. Hoping the bright lights would keep the tears at bay. Jay would be ok. He was strong. She knew it. At least that's what she was trying to convince herself. She flinched slightly as she felt someone grab her hand, looking over to meet the scared eyes of Will. She tried to give a reassuring smile, although they both understood the agony of having to wait for news.
They stayed this way, hand in hand. Sharing quick glances every so often. They both would look up every time someone walked in, and they both shared the same disappointed look when it wasn't the doctor they were looking for. The team was behind them. Kim and Adam had found them in the surgery waiting room after reaching out to the rest of the team. Kevin and Hank had joined them some time later. Even Trudy came to sit with them and wait for updates. Hailey tried her best to give as many details as she could about what happened. But there truly wasn't a lot to tell. Nobody had any idea how a young child could get out there. Trudy had people at the district trying to identify her.
This was not how any of them anticipated spending their weekend. None of them were saying a word now, just watching Hank who was on the phone talking with someone back at the district about the child. Hailey wanted to be angry. How could a child so young be out alone? But all of the energy she saved from not being angry about the situation was put into praying for good news on Jay.
It had been four hours of waiting. Will went up to look for updates, only to be ushered away by Dr. Charles. Explaining to him that the last thing he needed to see was his brother undergoing surgery. He knew Dr. Charles was right, but the waiting was hard. After Wills second attempt at trying to sneak to the surgery viewing area, Dr. Charles decided to stay with the group and offer support where he could. Anything to keep their minds off what was happening behind those operating room doors. They talked about their last case. Plans for the upcoming holiday. The once heavy mood was much lighter amongst the team. After all it wasn't the first time this particular teammate had them sitting in the waiting room just like this. They couldn't wait to give him hell about staying out of trouble. Adam made the comment about ordering some bubble wrap as a joke for Jay's desk. Even Hailey and Will got a good laugh at that one.
After a while though the attempts at passing time slowed down and the room returned to silent waiting. Will glanced down at their joined hands, before looking up to Hailey. He could tell the waiting was starting to get to her too. He was slowly running his thumb over her knuckles, trying to distract himself, when Hailey squeezed his hand. It wasn't Crockett who they were anticipating, but Ms Goodwin was coming up from the end of the surgery hallway. She had just hung up with someone and was tucking her phone into her pocket when she looked between everyone in the waiting room. The look on her face doing nothing to comfort them. She looked frazzled, concerned, as her eyes landed on them. Her body language just read bad news. Like a woman carrying the weight of something she didn't want to be carrying. She looked to be trying hard to not make eye contact with him, which made Wills stomach turn. He fully expected with the fall Jay took for there to be possible long lasting injuries. As long as his brother was alive and able to live a happy life in whatever form, he knew both him and Hailey would be fine with whatever was thrown their way.
"Will. Hailey. Will you both come with me?" She hesitantly asked. Will looked at Hailey before looking back at her.
"What is it Ms. Goodwin? Anything you have to tell us you know you can say in front of them."
Ms. Goodwin quickly glanced around the room at the team who was silently watching her. Looking down at her feet she let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry," she said before pausing to finally look up at him. "The fall caused extensive injuries. Dr. Marcel did everything he could."
"No." Will responded. Haileys free hand instantly went to cover her mouth. Will let go of her hand to stand up. He was still shaking his head no, running his hand through his hair. " Ms. Goodwin…"
"I'm afraid he had some serious fractures to his lower extremities. He also had some minor swelling from the head injury. But Will the internal bleeding was just too significant. I'm sorry. Jay didn't make it through surgery."
The silence in the room was deafening. Hailey's hands were still covering her mouth. Tears were now streaming down her face as she stared at the floor. Adam had wrapped his arms around Kim, who was now crying into his shoulder. Kevin and him were looking at each other in pure shock. Voight took a minute after hearing the news, before he stood up and stormed down the hallway, nobody giving much thought as they were caught up in their own emotions. Will was still in shock, trying to process what he had been told. Ms Goodwin was still eyeing him carefully as he stared out the window.
"If there's anything i can do…."
"Can we see him?" Will asked. Ms Goodwin looked at him. Shocked by his request. Hailey looked up from where she was still sitting, waiting for her to answer.
"Will, your brother went through a big surgery. Are you sure you want that?"
Will took in a shuddering breath. "I can't have the memory of him rolling into the ED on that gurney being my last memory of him Ms. Goodwin." Will wiped at a tear on his cheek that couldn't be held back anymore.
Hailey quickly stood from her seat to stand next to Will. "Please Ms. Goodwin."
Ms. Goodwin could feel the roller coaster of emotions coming from the both of them. " Of course. Let me see if he's somewhere private. I'll be right back."
They watched as Ms. Goodwin quickly walked down the hall and around the corner. Will turned to Hailey, wrapping an arm around her shoulder pulling her closer. The room was back to being eerily silent. The remaining team members walked up to give them a hug. None of them really knowing what to say. Or how to process everything. They had lost a team member and good friend. So the emotions were raw for them too. Will offered them to stay if they wanted to see Jay. He had always treated his brother's team like family. Since that's exactly what they were to Jay. But they all declined, begging the two of them to call if they needed anything, knowing they'd all be in touch soon. None of them wanted to sit around that waiting room anymore than need be but still reluctant to leave their friends. As they waited for Ms Goodwin to return, Hank had returned. Wasting no time ushering the team off to the district. Will and Hailey watched as they left, knowing Hank wouldn't let them sleep until they found out how the child got out there that morning.
Ms. Goodwin returned within a few minutes to lead them to a private room. Will kept Hailey under his left arm as they walked. She led them through a couple doors until they reached the recovery area. This was the area patients went to before going to the ICU or a normal room after surgery. As they passed the rooms Will couldn't help feeling jealous that his loved one wasn't leaving this floor to recover and go home.
"I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now. I wish i could give you time to process everything. Are you aware Jay was registered as an organ donor?"
Will was snapped out of his thoughts by Ms Goodwins question. "Yes. He was."
Ms. Goodwin slowed in the hall in front of a room door, and turned to face them. "Take as much time as you need. But due to the extent of his injuries, and blood loss from surgery, if you're wanting to go through with his request, it'll have to be quick. He is still hooked up to a ventilator just in case. Again, i am so sorry for your loss." Her phone was beginning to ring again in her pocket. She gave them all an uneasy smile before she motioned with her hand to the door. She disappeared again down the hall as they stood in front of the door. Will looked to Hailey who was again staring at the floor in a trance. Now second guessing if this was a good idea.
"You ready?" he asked her. Hailey just shook her head and looked at him. Her eyes red from the tears she had been refusing to let fall as they walked back here. "You don't have to. But i'll be right here with you." Will pulled her in for another hug outside the door. When she was finally ready they walked in together, Will never leaving her side as promised.
The sight that welcomed them brought everything back to reality. There were two nurses in the room as they walked in. One was writing things in what appeared to be a medical chart, while another was adjusting different monitor leads that were still connected to Jay. They both gave a sympathetic smile as they ducked out of the room to give them privacy. Jay was still hooked up to various medical equipment, including the ventilator like they were advised he would be. He was pale and his hair was a mess thanks to the bandages that were now wrapped around the bleeding injury from before. Thankfully a gown was thrown over his top half, the last thing either of them wanted to see was the bandages from the failed surgery. A white hospital blanket also covered his bottom half. Will noticed the monitoring screens by the bed had been turned off. He figured it was because of his medical knowledge, that they didn't want him to see the failing stats that would most likely be projected across.
Hailey had walked up to stand next to the head of the bed ,watching Jay's slack features as the ventilator pumped air into his lungs. Will was standing behind her holding Jay's hand. The coldness of his hands, although expected, shocked him. Everything you learn in medical school goes out the window when it's your loved one laying in front of you. Now seeing his face, the truth of the situation was really starting to hit them. The will to hold back the tears was gone. Haileys bottom lip trembled as she leaned forward placing her hands on both sides of his face, careful not to pull on any tubbing. The tears fell as she leaned forward kissing his face. First his forehead and then his cheek. The same cheek she kissed last night as they decorated their tree. Will placed his hand on her back, offering comfort where he could. Knowing it wasn't doing anything to sooth her at that moment. After a few minutes he sat down on the edge of the bed, never letting go of Jay's hand, while quickly wiping away tears with his other hand.
They spent a good ten minutes with him, before Ms. Goodwin returned to the room. Will sighed heavily knowing what was coming. She didn't say anything at first, just stood in the doorway looking at them. The look on her face told him it was decision time. He turned to look at Hailey, who was now resting her head on Jay's shoulder, still looking up at his face as her fingers moved in a circular motion on his cheek.
"I hate to rush things. But….." Ms Goodwin started. Will knew there was never going to be a right time.
"Hailey." Will said softly. Hailey wiped at her face as she turned to face them. "Are you ready? It's up to you. We can stay as long as you want."
She nodded in response, not trusting her voice with the raging emotions. The tears were starting to fall quicker as she turned back around to give him one last kiss on the cheek. "Love you. Always." She paused to whisper in his ear before backing away from the bed. Will stepped forward gripping his brother's shoulder with one hand, and squeezing his hand one last time in the other. "This really sucks" he sighed looking down at his brother. Hailey leaned forward wrapping an arm around his waist as they watched Jay for another minute. They wanted to be selfish and keep him longer. But the last thing they wanted to do was not honor one of Jay's wishes. He had always been an advocate for organ donation. The subject had come up before between him and Will, and Jay would always laugh and ask what he'd do with them after he was gone. All Ms Goodwin could do was shake her head and look at the ground. Will told his brother he loved him before turning and walking with Hailey out of the room.
Ms Goodwin walked out with them. Holding out her hand to Hailey. Hailey hesitantly watched as Ms Goodwin placed a small, clear baggie with a black band in her hand. Jay's wedding band. Jay's name was scribbled in Crockett's handwriting on the outside. Ms. Goodwin gave a sympathetic smile, and told them both if they needed anything to let her know and promised she'd be in touch soon after everything was completed. They smiled and nodded as they left down the hall to the elevator. Will asked if Hailey wanted to wait in the waiting room, but she wanted to get away from the hospital. It was torture waiting there. It was a quiet ride down the elevator. Hailey was fidgeting with the wedding band as the elevator descended down several floors. It was supposed to be a symbol of happiness. Tonight was far from that. It was getting late now and dark out. Will knew tomorrow would bring on more challenges. He never imagined having to plan services for his own brother. But for now that could wait until tomorrow. Will losing his brother and Hailey losing the man she loved was already too much for one evening.
"Let me take you home. Everything else can wait until tomorrow." Will offered as they walked out into the parking lot. Hailey didn't say anything. Just blindly followed until they got into the car.
The car ride was just as quiet as the walk out of the hospital. Will pulled into the front of Hailey's place and put the car in park. They sat there for a moment just looking out the window. Will noticed how Haileys eyes were stuck on Jay's truck parked across the street.
"Ya know, if you want to come stay with me, you are always welcome. Don't think you have to sit here alone."
Hailey turned to face him. Noticing the saddened features of Jay's brother made her feel guilty. "Are you ok?"
"No." He chuckled. She knowingly chuckled with him. He didn't know what else to say. "Are you going to be ok here tonight Hailey?"
"Yea. Yea ill be fine" she nodded.
"Do you want me to come up with you?"
"No, it's ok. I'll be ok. Really." She tried to smile confidently.
"I'll see you tomorrow ok? And i'll call you as soon as i hear from her. I'll come over so we can discuss the next steps. Or i can come get you and bring you to my place."
Hailey nodded trying her best to give a smile without crying again, knowing that conversation tomorrow would be hard. "Okay. See you tomorrow."
Will waited outside the building until Hailey was through the doors and into her building before he drove off. Hailey was thankful it was later in the evening. She didn't have to worry about running into anyone on her way up to her place. Walking into her home took her breath away. Everywhere she looked she saw him. Everything was a constant reminder. The house was quiet leaving Hailey with nothing but the reminders of what she lost. Of who she lost. Her eyes shifted around the living room, to their pictures on the shelf, his keys on the table where he had left them the night before, the boxes still scattered around the living room and the lit up Christmas tree. She slowly walked through the house to the back patio. The only place her and Jay had not spent much time since they moved in. She refused to sit anywhere that reminded her of him. It was very cold and windy out now that the sun had gone down. Their outside chairs and table were covered in snow. It didn't take long before Hailey started shivering from the cold and retreated back inside.
Looking around the house again and at all the Christmas decorations, a new emotion washed over Hailey to replace the sadness. Anger. She was angry Jay wasn't there with her. Angry she wouldn't get to see what the future held for them. Angry that parents could be so neglectful to let their child wander the snowy city alone. Angry, she didn't do more to help him. Angry she had all these decorations, for nothing. She would never be able to celebrate Christmas without Jay. Everyone would tell her soon that her husband died a hero. But she didn't want a hero at that moment. She quickly turned around and began pulling the gel snowflakes off the door and threw them at the trash can. She picked up the Christmas rug by the door and tossed it in the trash. Soon the placemats and oven mitts were also thrown away. She went back into the living room grabbing her new snowmen and Santa figurines and made her way to the trash can, dropping most of them along the way. In her emotional rage that only made her more mad as they shattered at her feet on her kitchen floor, choosing to throw the last two in her hand against the wall and watching them crumble down to the floor. Spinning around she went back into the living room and ripped the plug for the Christmas tree lights out of the wall. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. Her phone was ringing but she didn't care to look at it and see who it was. She backed away from the tree as her eyes slowly moved up to the angel at the top of the tree. Instantly the sadness returned. Looking at the angel now she suddenly felt a double meaning behind it. She was shaking her head in disbelief as she backed away from the free. With the weight of the day bearing down on her, she turned and ran to her bathroom and turned on the shower. She knew she needed to get out of her blood stained pants and try to wash the stains from her hands. After scrubbing for about 30 minutes she stopped to stand and let the water hit her. The thought occurred to her suddenly that Will was right. She couldn't stay here.
Hailey turned the water off and hurried and got dressed. She grabbed a bag from the closet and started stuffing anything she could get her hands on into her bag, needing to get out of their home as soon as possible. She put in a request for Uber as she turned off all the lights in the house. A tinge of guilt hit her looking at the mess she was leaving behind in their home. But with him gone, it didn't feel like their home anymore. Uber arrived quickly and verified Will's address across town. Kim and Adam would be busy with Makayla. She didn't want to be a basket case on Kevin's couch. She knew any of them would gladly take her in. The only person she thought to go to was Will. Someone who could relate.
Across town Will hadn't made it past the living room when he got home. His home was still dark, not bothering to even turn on lights. Choosing to sit it in the dark in silence as his mind wandered back to everything that happened that day. He knew it was his mind's way of forcing him to believe everything that happened. Still to that moment, nothing felt real. His brother was home in bed. It was late and it was his weekend off. He didn't want to believe otherwise. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone. Scrolling through his contacts until he found the one he was looking for. He hesitated a minute before hitting the green call button, slowly raising the phone to his ear. The line rang several times before a familiar voice played in his ear. You've reached Detective Jay Halstead. Leave a message. Will shook his head before ending the call and redialing the same number, only to receive the same message. The hand holding the phone fell to his lap. His other arm came to rest over his face, but did not keep the tears from falling down.
The sinking feeling of now being alone in the world was really starting to weigh in on him.
The closer Hailey got to his house the more overwhelmed she became. She thanked the Uber driver and quickly got out of the car and darted up Will's steps. Her hands were shaking as she banged relentlessly on his door. The banging on the door snapped Will out of his troubled thoughts, looking in the direction of his front door. The banging didn't let up. He turned the living room lamp on before quickly moving towards the door. Looking through the peephole, he suddenly felt some sort of relief. She didn't stop until he finally opened up, not saying anything as she darted past him.
"Hailey?" Will questioned, surprised to see her.
Now that she was in the safety of his home, she slowly backed into the wall by the door and let herself slide down to the floor. For the first time that day, she finally just let herself break down.
Will came to sit in front of her on the floor and wrapped his arms around her. Crying with her.
"I'm sorry." She said between shuddering breaths." I can't stay there Will. I just can't."
"It's ok. You don't have to. " He told her as he rubbed her back. "You are always welcome here Hailey."
She nodded against his shoulder as she wiped the tears from her face. "Thankyou."
"Of course. Come on. Let's get off this floor."
Will picked up her bag and offered a hand to help her up off the floor and then led her into the living room where they both sat on the couch. She noticed his house was quiet too. Nothing was on except the living room light. Hailey leaned over and laid her head against his shoulder. He leaned her way, laying his head against hers. They both sat on the couch in silence for a moment quietly enjoying the other's company.
"I miss him already." She told him after a few minutes.
"I know. I do too."
They remained quiet the rest of the night. The presence of the other being exactly what they both needed. Eventually they both dozed off on the couch. Exhaustion from the emotional toll of the day enough to put them both out.