Hi there. Sorry for the delay! Ran into a iittle mental funk with this one. Here is Chapter 4
Bethesda, M.D.
Dr. Grady's nurse Riley stood silently looking out the window in Jay's room. Watching as the sun melted the light snow on the trees around the courtyard outside the hospital. It was the second weekend in December, and people were taking advantage of the sunshine. Nurses were out walking around the pond across the street. A few other nurses and doctors were sitting on the many benches around the water. Soon the small pond would be frozen from the cold Maryland winter and upcoming snow the next few weeks. It seemed a lot of people were enjoying the warmer day in anticipation for the colder days that were to come.
In the courtyard Riley watched as several of the hospital's maintenance staff went through large boxes that were scattered in the center near a large pavilion. The hospital put up a large Christmas tree every year in the middle of the courtyard for its employees, patients and family members. Generally Riley would be one of those people getting her miles in around the pond around this time in the mornings. She had been working at this hospital since she graduated and became an RN four years ago. She always found her walks around the small pond to be a good mental break from everything going on inside the hospital, but she hadn't seen much of the outside world these past few weeks.
It had been an eventful time for her new patient. This morning being the first morning she was able to slow down and see the sunrise in the weeks he had been there. She had been able to take brief naps on the very uncomfortable small couch in his room in the ICU, and was finally able to make a quick trip home for some extra clothes for the coming days. Since this was such a special case, he was her only patient. And she was told it would be that way for the duration of his stay. However long that would be. The fewer people in and out interacting with him, the better she was told. They had him in a room at the far corner of the ICU where there was the least amount of traffic going by his room. The hospital kept two military police officers outside his room at all times, and the curtains and door to his room were pulled shut. Riley was thankful for the small window in that room to be able to get a glimpse of the outside world. Soon Jay would be moving to a more private floor she had never been to, and she didn't know what that room would be like. The goal of the past two weeks had been to get him stable enough to come off the sedation, and breathing on his own so he could be moved out of the ICU, and onto that private wing of the hospital where she'd have her own private room on the same floor. But the first several days proved to be hard getting him to that goal.
The first day after the meeting with Mr. Hill, First Sergeant Blake, and Command Sergeant Major Parsons was full of additional scans for Dr. Grady to plan his big surgeries and figure out who he would have to call in for assistance. He was a talented surgeon, but he knew with the extent of the injuries, and the importance of getting things fixed as soon as possible, he might need assistance from some other great surgeons in the hospital. Some images confirmed what the initial reports said from Chicago. Some revealed bigger issues.
The new CT scans showed the brain bleed hadn't worsened but the swelling was still there. The hospital's head neurologist was running a transcranial doppler twice a day to monitor the pressure in his brian, choosing to still keep things less invasive for now like originally planned. Knowing Jay would likely need more extensive procedures elsewhere, the doctor tried to keep the wear and tear on Jay's body to a minimum until absolutely needed. The internal bleeding was still on the mend thanks to Dr. Marcel's emergency surgery. The remaining kidney was slowly picking up the load with the other one gone. They were going to be running tests and doing a daily ultrasound to monitor it and his liver. Although the damaged kidney had been removed, it had been the liver lacerations from the fall that had caused the most concern and the worst of the internal bleeding. The deep lacerations had disrupted large sections of the liver. Dr. Marcel had to seal off several bleeding vessels in the liver before he was transported to Maryland, and so far it seemed to be holding. The liver having special abilities to heal itself gave Dr. Grady hope. Riley would be sending lab work every four hours, to be sure it was functioning as it should.
After three blood transfusions his blood pressure was finally stable enough for the big surgery that next day. Surprisingly with the fall Jay took, the bone damage stayed from the waist down. The previous assumed shoulder injury just ended up being deep bruising. That wasn't to be mistakenly perceived as good news however, because after a long seven hour surgery Jay would be waking up with some new changes to adjust to. Dr. Grady would have preferred to let Jay rest a few more days, knowing his body had gone through a lot already with the transfer, scans and testing. But the doctor was concerned about muscle function the longer they waited. In order to regain muscle function he knew it was critical to get muscles working as soon as possible after surgery to prevent permanent atrophy of the muscle tissue. And of course mobility was a concern. In order for joints to function properly they needed to move. Jay couldn't start physical therapy until after surgery. So Dr. Grady had no time to put it off.
Jay's femur was fractured in two places, the worst being down close to his knee, and was now held in place with a titanium rod. With the fracture that close to the knee Dr. Grady had called in Dr. Williams, a very good orthopedic surgeon within the hospital, to have a look at the scans prior to the surgery. That surgeon was able to diagnose and repair an acl tear in Jay's knee. He also suffered a femoral neck fracture in his hip that Dr. Grady chose to fix with three large screws. Both surgeons had contemplated replacing the bone with a prosthesis, but Jay was young and the surgeons chose to give the bone itself an opportunity to heal.
His pelvis had also been fractured in 3 places, 2 of which were clean breaks, and he was now sporting more plates and screws holding those bones together. When things were done he had a long incision down his left thigh and over his knee, another line across his left hip, and another long incision running horizontal several inches below his belly button. All closed with surgical staples. The surgery had been long, but Jay had given no issues during surgery so they were able to complete the repairs at one time. The last thing Dr. Grady wanted to do was keep putting him through additional surgeries. With the amount of titanium in his body holding him together, Jay was going to need some extensive physical therapy to be able to walk normally again.
The surgery had been done the same day as the funeral back home. That evening as everyone was at home feeling the heaviness of the ceremony that day, Jay was getting settled back into his ICU room, and on the road to recovery. At least that's what they thought once they hit forty eight hours after surgery and Jay had been stable. It was almost midnight that Thursday night. Riley was writing down the latest labwork results into his chart when the monitors started flashing. His blood pressure was dropping quickly causing a lot of panic in the ICU. First concerns from the doctors was the brain bleed worsening, but after a few quick bedside tests they felt confident that it had to be something else. A quick ultrasound of his abdomen showed bleeding again around his liver. After trying so hard to keep his patient's time in the operating room to a minimum, he found himself in a late night dash upstairs anyways. In the OR, Dr. Grady found more vessels bleeding which was causing the plummeting blood pressure. After another two hour surgery sealing those off, they were thankful to see his blood pressure stop falling, but Jay found himself back in the ICU needing another transfusion overnight, and the moving day pushed back.
Dr. Grady chose to keep Jay sedated and intubated to let his body rest. Three pretty significant surgeries in a week's time was already going to take a toll. Savannah, a physical therapist who had been at the hospital now five years and close friends with Jay's nurse Riley, started the following day after the surgery. She would be coming by each day to do some physical therapy exercises with him. Just like Riley was the only nurse, Savannah was the only therapist assigned to do Jay's therapy. Walter Reed had a large physical therapy department. Once Jay was awake, pain management was under control and he was moved to the private wing, she would be able to take him to advance his therapy, and get him on the road to walking and moving around more. But for now she did exercises to keep him moving while he was sedated in bed.
During those first two sessions with Savannah, Riley noticed an uptick in the heart monitor. Although Jay was sedated, Riley knew the different maneuvers Savannah was doing with his legs could cause some discomfort. It was the second day she noticed the biggest change. Likely when all the additional medications given from the surgery had left his system, and he was under solely from the sedation. She started planning his doses of pain medications for right before Savannah would show up each day, to help ease the pain during the sessions. Her plan seemed to work the following week. When the therapist wasn't working with him they kept him in a supporting brace to prevent any sudden movements. The brace went around Jay's lower back and fastened in the front, then continued down his left leg and ended at his foot. A pillow was added for extra support under his knee. Even today, almost 2 weeks after the first surgery, there was still a lot of bruising and swelling around the incision sites. So Riley rotated ice packs a couple times a day.
Riley's attention was pulled from the life outside the window by the alarm going off on her phone, silencing it quickly so it didn't disturb her sedated roommate. It was time for Jay's next round of pain medication before Savannah came for his physical therapy.
It was the highlight of her day, finally having someone to talk to instead of the brief interactions she got with people in his quiet room. Lab techs came by briefly to pick up his lab work and the neurologist was still coming by to run the intracranial ultrasound. Today marked thirteen days since he had arrived at Walter Reed. With Jay being more stable since the last scare, Dr. Grady was coming by three times during the day to go over results from the lab work and neuro checks, and once at night. Labs were holding over the last thirteen days as far as his liver function was concerned even with the extra trip to the OR, so Dr. Grady wasn't doing the hourly checks like he originally was, but he still remained just a couple clicks of a pager away.
It seemed moving day might finally be coming if things continued to hold steady. Riley was patiently waiting for the day Dr. Grady felt ready to wake Jay up. Dr. Grady had been in no rush, making sure there would be no more surprise bleeding before waking him up. Until then she spent most of the day when she wasn't busy with labs or bandage changes sitting next to the bed holding his hand. She always had a soft spot for her patients but this one was different. She couldn't imagine how he was going to take the news when he woke up.
"Good morning," was practically sang through the room about forty five minutes later. "Or is it afternoon? Who knows anymore?" Savannah flashed the nurse an extra chippery smile.
"Are you always this bubbly first thing in the morning?" Riley whispered back.
"Well good morning to you too. " Savannah tossed her book bag in the empty chair next to the bed before turning to hand a coffee cup and a brown bag from the coffee shop down stairs over to Riley with a friendly smile.
"This is why we've been friends so long. Thank you." Riley quickly brought the cup to her lips, taking several long sips of the hot drink. She sat the cup back down on the table as she grabbed the bag.
"How is he doing today?" Savannah asked as she pulled her long blonde hair into a ponytail.
"No change these last few days. But after this last week that's a good thing. "
"Has Dr. Grady mentioned when he's going to lift the sedation?"
"Not yet. He should be by soon."
Riley watched the monitors as Savannah started her therapy with Jay, while eating her breakfast sandwich and sipped at her coffee. It seemed the planning of the meds were doing the trick again today because things were quiet. The therapy sessions were quick easy sessions lasting maybe 10 minutes. They were simple for now until Savannah was given the green light to do more. Still under the president that Jay had been through alot and not wanting to cause any unnecessary setbacks. The brace was taken off during that time and different exercises were done with his legs to keep things moving. Riley would use that time to do the necessary bandage changes before the brace was put back on and the compression devices were put back on his legs. Riley knew once he was awake, he would be very uncomfortable with these types of injuries and stuck in bed. So for now she appreciated the peaceful state of mind her patient was in. They were adjusting new cold packs when the doctor came into the room. He still had on his coat and a black beanie, Jay being his first stop as soon as he arrived at the hospital.
"Morning ladies. How's our guy today?"
"He's still doing well. There were no red flags on his last set of labs. They are in his chart," Riley said as she tucked blankets back around Jay's waist.
Dr. Grady took a moment to look through all the recent labs that were on the tablet.
"I think he's ready. The sooner we can get him up the sooner we can make sure there's nothing we are missing. Especially with the head trauma."
"Ah see, soon you'll have company." Savannah smiled nudging her elbow into Riley's arm.
"Yea about that," Riley said as she watched the doctor change some settings on the IV stand. "What are we supposed to say? Ya know…..when he starts asking questions. Pretty sure it won't be us he's looking for when he wakes up."
"His family knows he's up here right?" Savannah asked as she began packing up her things.
Riley gave her friend a sad smile. "They don't believe he's anywhere actually."
It took a moment for Savannah to register what Riley was saying. But when the words began to register her eyes met her friends with the same sad expression.
The doctor let out a sign as he paused to look at Jay, before looking back at the two women. "We'll worry about that when the time comes. It could be tonight, it could be tomorrow. He's been through a lot. I'll swing by periodically. Page me when he starts to come around."
Dr. Grady and Savannah left shortly after. After adjusting some IV lines that had gotten tangled, and people watching some more from the window, Riley retreated back to the uncomfortable couch and pulled out a book from her bag. The rest of the day was quiet. Next two blood draws came back in the right numbers. Dr. Grady swung by as promised, but Jay still had not stirred. Savannah swung by and hung out a couple hours and brought dinner at the end of her shift. Eventually she left to head home. Riley passed the time between their visits adjusting things that didn't need to be adjusted, and pulling up the blankets that had already been adjusted the last time she did the same thing not even an hour ago. She could have easily stepped out and helped the other nurses with things at the nurses station, but she didn't want Jay to wake up alone and scared. She was one of the many in the medical field who believed patients could hear things while they were sedated. That's why she insisted on keeping things quiet early on so he could rest. Now that the sedation was lifted she didn't want him to wake up alone and in a quiet room. She sat for a while holding his hand and talking about random things, from the weather to the holidays. She didn't know this man other than his brief story in the meeting, so she had no idea what to talk about. When she ran out of things to talk about, and it was after midnight, she went back to the couch and just watched him. Wondering how he was going to take the big news waiting for him when he woke up. When he found out he was far from where he was when he last saw daylight.
...
It felt like a deja vu moment. One of those brief moments where you find yourself in a situation or in a similar place you know you've been to before. But this time was different. He couldn't remember what he was doing there. Or even what he had done yesterday for that matter. Everything in his memory was blank. He realized suddenly he had a throbbing headache, and everything from his lower abdomen down to his feet just throbbed. One hand went up to rub his forehead, and the other went down to rub his thigh, only to pull both hands away looking at them closely when he realized he had no feeling in them. He was starting to panic, not understanding this world he was in. He could hear a beeping noise, but looking around he couldn't figure out where it was coming from. As his eyes slowly moved around him, he found himself standing on a beam, as it swayed in the wind. He turned to look behind him, shocked to see Hailey up above him, yelling down to him. He frowned looking up at her, watching as her mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out. Slowly his memory started coming back to him. In bits and pieces. More like little snapshots from that day. He remembered the little girl. Spinning around quickly he looked across the beam, but there was no girl. There was no garage on the other end. It was just a beam. He turned back around to yell up to Hailey, but she was gone. The ledge she was originally leaning over, was now empty. The panic from before was really starting to build up, causing his head to throb more.
Riley had just dozed off on the couch, when the sound of persistent beeping pulled her out of her
almost dreaming sleep. She rose quickly from the couch, rushing to stand over the bed to look at the monitors. The last blood pressure reading was near perfect finally, but his heart rate was high. Nothing else seemed out of place on the monitors, so she turned her attention to Jay. The fingers on his right hand were twitching, and she could see his eyes starting to move around under his eyelids. She instantly grabbed the hand that was moving, and squeezed tightly.
"Jay? Can you hear me?"
He was still frantically looking around him, trying to figure out what was going on, when a strong wind blew through, knocking him off balance. He stumbled losing his footing, causing him to fall down to his bottom. His arms instantly reaching forward to grab ahold of the beam. Looking down he noticed he couldn't see the snowy ground from before. It was just a black empty void. The beeping from before that he couldn't place, was now beeping quicker.
"Jay? If you can hear me squeeze my hand." Riley waited patiently with her hand still gripping his. Watching the monitors. Shaking her head as his heart rate continued to climb. She started rubbing softly up and down on his sternum, trying anything to get him to wake up or calm down. " Jay can you hear me?"
"Jay can you hear me?" He was still gripping the beam when he heard a voice. He turned to look behind him again to see Hailey had returned to the ledge looking down at him. Giving him his favorite warm smile. Was this some weird dream he started to wonder? He didn't understand what was going on, but he knew he wanted off that beam and Hailey had to be his way out of this weird world.
Riley only waited a few more seconds, after receiving no response from Jay, before sending an urgent page to Dr. Grady. After the last few days, she knew Jay didn't need anymore stress. It took less than a minute for the doctor to come running into the room. She couldn't of been more relieved that he was close by.
"Whats going on?"
"I don't know. He was fine and then his heart rate just shot up. All of his other stats are reading fine. I've tried talking to him, but he isn't responding."
Dr. Grady stood silently for a minute glancing over the same monitors.
Jay slowly stood. Making small steps towards Hailey. Bracing himself as another strong wind blew.
Dr. Grady peeled his eyes away from the monitors, reaching a hand into his pocket and pulling out his penlight. Slowly waving the light in each eye.
Jay was just a few steps from Hailey reaching up to her, when the sun peaked out, shining bright from behind her. He blinked holding up his hand to block the glare from his eyes. When it finally went away, Hailey was gone again. He called for her, taking a few steps back to try and get a better view over the ledge where she once was. But she wasn't there. His chest was starting to heave with each breath as the panic built. The aches and pains slowly becoming unbearable.
"He's starting to breathe over the vent. Get the relaxant."
Riley spun around and darted out the room to the medication cabinet at the main desk, drawing out the appropriate amount before running back to the room and screwing the syringe into Jay's IV. Dr. Grady watched the monitors as the medication was slowly pushed into the IV.
"Should we just extubate?"
"No. I'd rather he be more awake first. And not like this."
The panicking suddenly subsided, his breathing finally leveling out. He went from feeling panicked, to all of a sudden being overwhelmingly tired. The aches and pains from before were gone, leaving behind an overall numbness. The only thing he could still hear was the constant beeping, but that he no longer cared about where it was coming from. He was no longer worried about where the Hailey of his dream went, or how he got back on that beam. The feeling of being in true contentment was quickly overpowering his senses and drowning out everything he was feeling from before. The exhaustion was taking over. The sights around him were different. He was no longer standing on a beam. But he didn't have the strength to care as everything slowly faded to a very welcoming darkness.
Riley held Jay's hand, running her thumb in slow circles over the top of his hand until the monitors finally stopped beeping, and the room returned to silence.
"That wasn't fun." She said looking across the bed to Dr. Grady.
"Not always is the first resurfacing after being under a while pleasant. Looks like our guy here is finally coming around. Hopefully next time he resurfaces it'll be less dramatic. We certainly don't need him getting himself worked up."
He slowly turned to make his way back out the room.
"Let me know when he starts coming around again. He should be ready to fly without the vent next time."
"Yes sir."
Riley gave one last squeeze to his hand, pausing a moment to watch his face. The fingers twitched slightly again, before curling weakly around her hand before going completely limp.
...
The last thing he remembered was falling asleep in pain, and all he knew now was he was waking up in pain and with the worst headache ever. His memory was fuzzy. At that exact moment he couldn't remember why he was hurting. His mind felt like it was floating. He recognized that feeling. That overwhelming feeling of extreme tiredness and exhaustion. That feeling you get like you've been asleep a long time, but yet you're still tired. The brain fog that comes with being on a lot of medication. This wasn't the first time he'd woken up like this, tired and confused in the hospital, but he couldn't remember why he was here this time. That unmistakable smell of a hospital confirmed that intuition of being in the hospital again, sending all of his senses into overdrive. Everything smelled sterile. The air just smelled clean. The smells from the passing food carts weren't exactly welcoming to his awakening stomach. The churn of his stomach caused him to swallow at the same time as a forceful gust of air pushed into his lungs, causing that familiar feeling of panic to build. He could hear muffled voices and beeping in the room around him. Hands were on him, moving his legs into awkward positions, sending sharp pains through his back. One set of hands set his leg down over a soft surface, while another was fastening something across his waist and down his leg. He groaned with great discomfort, making a weak attempt to move his right arm to his face, but failing as the arm landed across his stomach. The hands suddenly stopped. One of them grasping at the hand that just landed across his abdomen and pulling it to the right. He tried moving his head in that direction and attempted to pry his eyes open, but the bright stabbing light in the room caused him to retreat back to the darker world. He groaned again at the intense pounding in his head that the light caused.
"Hey Jay. Can you open your eyes again for me?"
Voices were becoming more clear, words slowly forming in his riddled mind. The voice holding his hand had a soft touch and calming tone. Riley was sending off a page as Savannah rounded the bed to dim the lights in the room. The darkness was trying to pull him back under. He knew the darkness was far less painful than what he was experiencing now. But even in that state he was in, the drive for needing answers kept him fighting to stay awake. He knew there was one face that could always make him feel better when she looked at him with her blue eyes. He also needed to find Will. He was bound to give the answers he wanted.
"Hey big guy. Can you open your eyes for me?"
The grip on his right hand hadn't changed. But the voice closest to him had. The calm female voice from before was replaced by the deep, gruff voice of a man. It wasn't Will.
"Jay if you can hear me squeeze my hand."
Dr. Grady looked over to Riley and Jays joined hands, giving a nod to the nurse. It took a moment before Jay gave Rileys hand a light squeeze. It was weak, and had no real strength to it, but it was there. Riley smiled and nodded at the doctor.
"That's great Jay. Can you open your eyes for me?"
It was the last thing he wanted to do with his pounding headache, but he knew if he waited any longer he was on the verge of falling back to sleep with everything running through his system. He slowly peeled his eyes open half way at first. Relieved to see the room wasn't as bright as it was a moment ago. A few blinks later his eyes were open, trying to get the blurred faces around him to come into view.
"Hey Jay. Welcome back." The man told him. Jay's eyes continued to blink as they moved around the room.
"My name is Dr. Grady. I know it's hard and you're probably confused, but you've been under for a little bit and you've been through alot since you were last awake. Don't try to talk. We're going to get that tube out okay? I just need to ask you a couple questions. Blink twice if you understand me."
His mind was trying to figure out just how long a little bit was. Things were starting to come back, but none of it made sense. He looked up at the doctor and blinked twice.
"Can you follow my finger?" The doctor held his pointer finger up above Jay's face, slowly moving it back and forth. It was a little slower than Dr. Grady had hoped, but Jay's eyes slowly tracked the doctor's moving hand.
He adjusted his jaw as he turned to look at the woman holding his hand, not paying attention to what the doctor was asking him next. The moving of his mouth and tongue instantly reminded him what the doctor had just said, and why he couldn't talk. Of course things are cruel sometimes. As soon as he remembered the discomfort in his throat, the machine decided to push an uncomfortable amount of air into his lungs again, instantly causing him to try breathing over the tube. When the air caught around the tube Jay panicked. When the jerk didn't free his hand in Riley's hold, the other one shot up to his face. Even as uncoordinated as it was, his hand made it as far as grasping the velcro strap around his face before Savannah moved forward to grab his hand. In his struggle to get free, his legs buckled. Even with the brace the sudden movements reminded Jay quickly of the pains he was feeling moments ago, as sharper pains shot through his left leg and through his abdomen. Leaving him grunting in great dislike.
"Don't move, Jay. Try to stay still." Savannah told him as she kept a hand wrapped around his struggling hand, and the other laid across his braced thigh. The blonde hair caught Jay's attention, but turning to look at her sent a wave of confusion when he saw that it wasn't his Hailey.
"Has he had his pain meds yet?" Dr. Grady quickly asked.
"Yes maybe an hour ago." Riley told him as she glanced back at the clock on the wall.
"Go ahead and up it. Give him another dose as we get ready to pull this."
Riley was darting out the room, and Dr. Grady took her place. The meds were bound to make Jay drowsy and probably fall back asleep. But it would give him a little time to get a quick assessment of Jay's mental state before he did. It was obvious he was still battling the effects of the head injury and concussion with the light sensitivity and the pain medications were going to need to be adjusted going further.
"Hey Jay. Can you open your eyes for me?"
Jay didn't realize he had closed them again. He blinked looking up at the doctor again as he started removing the straps from his face for the ventilator. Careful to avoid pulling the feeding tube out. A medical pad was laid across his chest. Riley had returned and pushed the meds through his IV.
"Great. I am going to remove this tube. On the count of three I need you to cough as hard as you can, okay?"
Jay tried to nod to let the doctor know he understood, but the movement was only making his throat more uncomfortable now that he was fully awake. He was more than ready to get rid of the uncomfortable contraption. Dr. Grady turned off the ventilator and turned his attention back to Jay.
"Here we go. One….two...and three."
After a lot of coughing and gagging Jay was ventilator free as the pad and tubing was quickly tossed in the trash and Riley placed the nasal cannula under his nose. Careful not to tangle with the feeding tube. Jay was laid back against the pillow trying to catch his breath. The women had stepped away from the bed to give the doctor his space.
"I know that was a lot but I need to ask you a couple questions. Then we'll let you get some rest. Is that ok?" Dr. Grady sat down on the edge of the bed, looking patiently at Jay as he took some deep breaths.
"Where's Hailey?" Jays' voice cracked with the lack of use from the last two weeks, totally disregarding the doctor's question with his own.
"I know you're going to have a lot of questions, and I promise to answer them all. But I need you to answer a few things for me."
Jay's eyes roamed from the doctor's face to look himself over, eyes falling to where the shooting pains came from a moment ago. He eyed the odd looking brace for a moment that must have pulled out from under the blanket during his struggle a moment ago, before he looked back at the doctor with a confused expression on his face. The Dr. tried his best to give his confused patient a reassuring smile.
"Can you tell me your name?"
Jay looked at him skeptically, wondering why the doctor would ask such an obvious question.
"Jay."
"That's good. Do you know where you are?"
Jay knew he was in the hospital, but did a quick look around the room again. Riley smiled at him as he made eye contact with her. If he wasn't hurting and confused he'd have smiled back. But looking around the room made him have more questions of his own. The room he was in looked a lot different from the ones at Chicago Med. He didn't recognize the brunette woman from any of his trips or prior stays in the hospital. The blonde woman leaning against the wall by the door wasn't who he hoped it was. His eyes lingered on the woman for a moment still attempting to process everything. His eyebrows scrunched together as he looked back at the doctor.
"Where's my brother?"
"Just bare with me with Jay. Do you know where you are?"
Jay nodded. "Hospital."
"Good. That you are. How's the pain right now?"
The aches and pains were there, just not as sharp as they were. He had learned his lesson real quick to not move. He could feel the pain meds flowing through his system trying to drag him under. He chose to give a slight shrug of his shoulder instead of answer.
"Scale of 1 to 10? Quicker we get the pain management under control the better."
"7." Jay sighs. "My head hurts."
"Ok. We can do something about that. Do you remember what happened?"
Jay was starting to doze. The meds were starting to kick in. Each blink heavier than the last.
"Jay?"
Jay's drooping eyes snapped open looking around the room before looking back at him.
"Do you remember what happened?"
Jay thought for a moment. The memories from that morning with Hailey slowly coming back. The text from Hank, the construction site. Then there was nothing. Jay shook his head no.
"That's understandable. You fell, Jay. A couple stories. You've been unconscious for almost two weeks. You've had a couple surgeries, to help with some internal injuries and repair damage to your pelvis and left leg. You hit your head pretty good too. You're going to be uncomfortable for a while but we're going to get you moving soon. Just let us know if the pain gets too bad, we'll get you something for it alright?"
Jay nodded as his mind went back over everything he was just told. He didn't remember falling from anything. The pain medication's soothing effects were getting too hard to fight off. Running out of energy after the morning's events to question the doctor any further. Dr. Grady watched as Jay's eyes slipped closed again. He knew there was a chance he'd have to explain everything all over again when he woke up. But he was relieved for now that he wouldn't have to address the more obvious concerns his patient had.
"We've got some tests scheduled for you this afternoon. Get you some rest."
The doctor rose from the bed, giving some instructions to let Jay sleep for now. He recommended skipping therapy the next day until pain management was better under control. The neurologist would be by that afternoon to do another scan. Dr. Grady planned to suggest another brain MRI due to the pain and sensitivity noted today. He advised Riley to give another dose of pain medication as needed. He was in a hurry to make a phone call over to the command post. His patient was going to need answers, and as far as he saw it, it was not a story he, nor his medical staff should have to tell. The phone call went to voicemail after four rings. Dr. Grady left a very detailed voicemail to CSM Parsons, requesting in the most friendly way the doctor knew how, for him to be present when his former ranger awoke the next time.
Riley was adjusting Jay's blankets, when she noticed his nose twitched. His hand reached his face and slowly started pulling the nasal cannula down under his chin.
"That has to stay for now, Jay " Riley told him as she pulled it back under his nose.
Jay's eyes fluttered lazily looking up at her. "Where's Hailey? I want to see my wife" he mumbles as he begins to doze. "Please."
Riley just bit her bottom lip, heart breaking at his pleading eyes and watching as his eyes flutter back closed, and his breaths even out as he falls back into a deep sleep.
...
Chicago
Vanessa plopped down on the couch with a sigh, eyeing her friend who was curled up on the other end staring out the window. She was so happy she was able to be here for her friend, but it hadn't been easy. There was no blueprint or instruction manual on how to help a grieving friend. Some days there were more smiles than others. Then other days, especially late in the evenings like this, there were hours spent just watching her stare out the window. She wanted to be a good friend and help carry the pain she knew her best friend was in. But at the same time she had never lost someone she shared that type of bond with, that Hailey had with Jay.
The last two weeks had been spent trying to be a good support system for Will and Hailey. Will chose to stay busy to keep his mind off things. It had been two weeks and Will decided to go back to work early. He had spoken with Vanessa one day when Hailey was in the shower about his plan to go back to work. His excuse was that there were people out there who needed him, but Vanessa knew he needed the distraction more than anything. He couldn't sit around the house anymore. It was no surprise they were grieving differently. He wanted to be sure Hailey would be okay when he went back to work. Vanessa promised she had things covered at home. Will tried to take them out to dinner, or out to the pier to just get out of the house. But Hailey preferred to stay home. He knew she was struggling, of course he was too, and he was concerned about her keeping herself cooped up in the house. He chalked it up for now that she just needed more time. But they kept trying.
Some days small victories were made just by getting her to watch a funny movie with them. In fact a lot of movies were watched that second week. One day Kim and Adam stopped by with Makayla. Makayla had brought her coloring book and crayons, and asked Hailey to color a picture with her. Jay and Hailey had kept her a night or two in the past when Kim and Adam wanted a date night, and Hailey and her always colored pictures. They even got Jay to color some one night. Hailey couldn't tell the little girl no, so they all sat at the kitchen table coloring while Adam and Will stayed in the living room watching some new tv show. As they left that day Makayla handed Hailey a picture from her coloring book that Jay had colored. It was an emotional night for all of them.
The smiles always faded quickly when their friends would leave, just like it did tonight as Vanessa watched Will give her a hug goodnight as he was heading off to bed to start work tomorrow. Will gave Vanessa a hug goodnight before stopping at the end of the couch to look back at Hailey as she went back to staring out the window. Vanessa and Will exchanged a worried smile, before he left them in the living room and went to his bedroom. Once he was in his room, her attention went back to Hailey.
"What's it going to be tonight? Scary movie? Comedy?" Vanessa asked, trying to lighten the mood. Grabbing the remote and flipping to Hulu. She scrolled through for a few minutes before turning back to her friend who still hadn't answered her question. She put the remote back on the coffee table and turned to face her.
"Hailey, talk to me."
Hailey slowly turned her head to look at her. Glancing at her quickly before her eyes fell to her lap. Vanessa scooted closer to wrap an arm around her friend's shoulders.
"I wish I could say that I understood what you're going through. But I'm here for you. Always."
Hailey looked over at her friend again before turning her eyes to stare blankly at the TV.
"I just miss him. I miss how things were. I never in a million years imagined he wouldn't be here. I thought about my future, our future, and he was always in it." Hailey paused briefly, picking at the nail polish on her thumb. She let out a heavy sigh as she turned back to her friend. "People always say it gets easier. But when?"
Vanessa shook her head pulling Hailey closer to her.
"I don't have that answer, Hails. I wish I did."
Haileys mouth curved into half a smile at the sound of the nickname Jay had given her.
"What if I don't want it to get easier? Getting easier means moving on. And I could never. I don't want to forget the memories we made together or the sound of his voice. The little things. You know that night, before…" she paused again to let out a deep breath. "That night before, we talked about having kids." Hailey laughed at the thought. Vanessa let out a laugh of her own thinking of little Halsteads running around. Haileys face fell as her gaze fell back to her lap. "He was so excited, and so sure about the whole thing. But I was so scared of the idea. I didn't think I'd be good at it. At parenting."
"You both would have been amazing parents, Hailey. "
Hailey thought about it for a moment. All the what ifs that she was going to miss.
"V, can I ask you something?"
"Is that even a question? Of course you can."
"Do you believe in heaven?"
Vanessa was briefly taken aback by the question. "Yeah. I do."
"They say our loved ones who pass away can visit us in our dreams." Hailey laughed as she looked up at her friend. "I know it sounds crazy. "
"It's not crazy. My grandma and I were very close. She passed away several years ago. Before I joined intelligence. Ive dreamed about her a couple times."
Hailey nodded. Even the smallest reassurances went a long way these days.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to do this. Go back to work. Be good at my job again. Go back to this "normal" life."
"You will, because that's what Jay would have wanted. And I'll be here to make sure of it. You'll get there Hailey."
"I just don't get it…."
Vanessa eyed her friend questioningly. "Get what?"
Hailey shook her head and laughed. Like the thoughts going through her mind were too crazy.
"Hailey? You know you can talk to me. "
"It's so hard to explain. I miss him. I miss him like crazy. I've had to convince myself every day for the last two weeks that he's gone. But he doesn't feel gone, ya know?"
Vanessa squeezed her friend closer, until her head was leaning against her shoulder.
"You're grieving, Hailey. You're going through all the emotions. You're allowed to have all those feelings. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to be angry. There's no right or wrong way to all of this."
"I'm so glad you're here, V. Without you and Will I'd have gone crazy by now."
"Me too. And this is where I'll always be. Never forget that okay?"
"Thank you."
"Of course. Now…..what movie is it going to be tonight?"
"You pick." Hailey laughed, reaching behind her to grab a blanket from the back of the couch, and throwing it over herself and her friend. Both women settled back into the couch cushions, watching some old movies until they fell asleep. They were a sight to see on the uncomfortable couch the next morning when Will got up and left for work. Knowing his sister in law was in good hands made him feel even better about his decision to go back to work.