Author's notes:I keep getting asked if this is a Romy or Rogan fic.. well I COULD tell ya'll but I'm not! MWHAHAH! Oh I'm not THAT cruel! You guys will get ur answers in the next few chapters. Also yeh I made Remy find out quickly cz I didn't want this story to lag. It's long enuff as it is and I'm trying to stay to the point and not have pointless chapters..
I hope you guys are liking this! I got about 10 reviews overnight after I posted the last chapter! You should have seen how big my smile was! Im glad you guys are liking this so far. Also a tiny warning, the self harming bits are coming up. It's not as dark as some other fics get, but im trying! Well, here it is! Don't forget to review!

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Ch5: hollow inside

As soon as they arrived back at the mansion, Rogue, Scott and Kurt went straight to the professor. Scott explained what happened from his point of view and that Rogue mentioned that she may have new powers. Rogue explained how she thinks she can now reverse her powers and pass on her life force as well as absorb it. However, she didn't explain to the professor why Remy had yelled at her, but explained that it was personal between Remy and herself. The Professor thanked the students for getting straight to him about it and dismissed them.

"Ah, Rogue. Can I talk to you for a minute alone?" The professor quickly said as Rogue reached the door.

Rogue nodded and shut the door after Scott and Kurt had left. "What is it, Professor?" She asked as she walked over to his desk.

"I sense that you may need to talk to someone," He replied. Rogue knew that he knew she had slept with Logan but she wasn't sure if he knew she was still sleeping with him.

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

Xavier nodded. "I'm not going to probe your mind, Rogue. But I do sense that you're having trouble with issues in your life, and I just want to let you know that I will be here if you need, okay?"

Rogue nodded. "Thanks, Professor. But I'm okay." Then Rogue turned and left Xavier's study.

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A week had gone by after the acolytes attacked. Rogue had done everything she could to get away from sleeping with Logan. She blamed it on there not being enough privacy, girl business, etc. However, she did still hang out with him. After seeing the look on Remy's face when he found out about herself and Logan, Rogue felt bad and felt that somehow she might be able to show Remy how much she still loved him by not sleeping with Logan. Even if Remy wasn't there, she still felt like she needed to stay loyal to Remy. He may have left her with no reason, but she loved him. Remy was the only one she ever really trusted, and she never let anyone get close to her emotionally like she did with Remy. Seeing Remy made her want to see him more. She wanted answers on why Remy left, but at the same time, Logan was willing to be there for her. There was a void in her soul created by Remy's departure from her life

She was in the Danger Room with Logan. He was sparring with her in hand-to-hand combat. She was already magnificent at it, but Xavier preferred that just because a student had mastered their abilities, there's no reason why they should stop training.

"Keep your left elbow down," Logan instructed. He took a swing at Rogue's stomach, but Rogue jumped back. She back flipped and nearly kicked Logan in the chin, but Logan managed to move away in time. "You're getting good there, Stripes!" He laughed. "You're gonna be giving me a run for my money soon!"

Rogue stood back up in her fighting stance. "Soon?" She laughed. "I thought that maybe I'd be a good match for you now?"

Logan smiled. "But I will always have the advantage," He replied. He unsheathed the blades from his right hand. "Unless you can grow a set of these yourself."

"You never know," Rogue joked. "Now come on. Enough talking!" She said, taking a swing at Logan's face. Logan jumped back, but Rogue followed. He let his claws retract back into his arm before he pushed her fist away from his face.

"Keep them short and quick," Logan instructed as Rogue took another swing in Logan's direction. The third time Rogue pushed her left fist towards Logan's face, he caught her fist. In one swift move, he swung Rogue around and hugged her from behind. Her arms were crossed at her chest and were pinned down by Logan's powerful hold on her.

"Hey!" She squealed. "No fair!" Rogue smiled, but inside she felt like the last thing she wanted to do was smile. She was surprised Logan couldn't sense it with his animal senses. She was confused. She felt unhappy on the inside, but she still found herself smiling on the outside. She didn't want to let anyone know there was anything wrong. She felt like maybe Logan would be the only one she would ever find that loved her as much as Remy did. She felt that she'd dug her hole, so to speak, and would now have to lie in it. She wanted out of the relationship, but at the same time, she'd convinced herself that this is what happiness was; a relationship with someone who loves you, looks after you and has fun with you. The only thing missing was Rogue's feelings matching Logan's.

She felt numb inside. And she couldn't believe Logan hadn't sensed it. He could sense everything else from fear to excitement. But she wondered why he couldn't sense that she was unhappy. 'Maybe ahm hiding it too well?' She thought to herself. 'Or maybe Logan's ignorance is why he hasn't sensed it yet. Maybe he just wants tah feel like we're in ah happy relationship too?'

Rogue could feel Logan's warm breath on the back of her neck. "I win," he said gleefully. His voice was gruff, but there was no mistaking the playfulness in his tone.

"It was an unfair fight!" Rogue squealed. She tried to get free from his grip, but Logan's arms wouldn't budge. Her arms were crossed at her chest and she had no way to get them free unless Logan let her go.

"It was a fair fight," Logan commented. "Only I won by getting the upper hand at the last minute," He said playfully. Logan smelt the back of Rogue's neck. He loved her scent. He found it intoxicating. He kissed the back of her neck. "So what do ya wanna do now?" He asked, hoping that Rogue was thinking what he was thinking, and that was a little after workout workout.

Rogue was stumped. She knew exactly what Logan was asking her for, but she didn't know what to say. She'd tried to avoid sleeping with him, and she could tell he was getting a little sexually frustrated, as they hadn't slept together in a week. She felt bad, but she didn't want to give in to what Logan wanted.. again. She was already confused with what was going on in her life, but she didn't know why she wasn't telling Logan. She wanted to ask him for some space, but then she kept thinking that it was to late now.

'Ah should never have slept with Logan that night,' She thought to herself.

Rogue opened her mouth, ready to reply that she was too tired, when suddenly the Danger Room doors opened.

Rogue and Logan, who still had Rogue pinned, looked towards the door. There stood Scott and Remy. Rogue stared at Remy in shock. After a second or two, Logan had let her go. Rogue's knees felt weak. She didn't understand why Remy was back, but she felt extremely guilty that he had to see her and Logan together. It was the first time she'd seen Remy since he yelled at her and he returned to see her in Logan's arms, quite literally.

"Remy..?" Rogue mumbled. She was shocked. Remy was wearing his sunglasses and it pissed her off because his eyes always told her what he was feeling at the time. Now she had no idea what emotions were running through him. But she guessed he'd probably be feeling jealousy or hurt, or both. "Are.. are yah back?"

Remy didn't respond. He just stood there in the doorway. Scott realised that Remy wasn't responding and figured it had something to do with their argument on the day the acolytes attacked. Scott looked from Remy to Rogue, then back to Remy again. There was tension there. He could feel it. Scott tried to ease the tension by responding for Remy. "Yeah," Scott replied. "Remy's back. Hopefully for good," He playfully put his hand on Remy's shoulder. But Remy didn't respond to Scott's playfulness. Scott cleared his throat in an attempt to get some dignity back. "Well, I've got to go.. er… yeah.." He mumbled before backing away. He figured that he didn't want to be there if there was going to be an argument, and so he left.

Logan stared at the Cajun standing by himself in the doorway. He had no idea that Remy knew about him sleeping with Rogue. He heard about Rogue and Remy having an argument a week ago, but Rogue wouldn't tell Logan what the fight was about. Whenever he'd ask her, she'd just reply saying 'It's personal'. He knew there was something going on behind the lines with Remy and Rogue, but if Rogue wasn't ready to tell him, then Logan wasn't going to ask. He watched as Rogue looked on in shock about Remy's sudden return. Remy still stood motionless, staring at Rogue. He felt like if anyone was going to do any talking, he'd have to be the first one to do it. "So, what made you come back?" Logan asked.

Remy looked at Logan. If he wasn't wearing his sunglasses, Logan would have seen the glare that Remy had aimed at him. Remy felt disgusted and angry. He'd returned home and the first thing he sees is his ex girlfriend in the arms of their instructor! He wanted to yell at Logan, if not bash the crap out of him, for touching Rogue. There was no denying that Remy still felt protective over Rogue. When Remy broke up with Rogue, he told the professor that he was only going back to the acolytes because he couldn't be near Rogue anymore, and that back with the acolytes was the only place he could go; the only place that would still take him. But deep down, he missed his life at the mansion with his friends. "Remy realise he belongs here," Remy replied coldly.

Rogue took a step forward and stretched her arm out in Remy's direction. "Remy," She said needily. She didn't know what she expected Remy to do, but she wanted so deeply to just hold him. Remy stood motionless for a moment before turning and leaving the Danger room. Rogue brought her hand back to her chest and hugged herself in defeat.

Logan understood perfectly what was going on. Rogue still loved Remy, but Remy didn't want her back. Logan felt glad that Rogue was with him now, but at the same time, he was jealous. He felt that his jealousy ran beyond normal human jealousy. It was borderline animalistic. He believed that Rogue was his mate now; his property, and he didn't want Remy to wreak it for him now. Rogue was mad with Logan when they first slept together, but now he felt like she was really his. He loved her, admittedly a lot more than he should. But now with Remy's return, Logan could sense that things were about to change. What he needed to find out was if Remy knew about himself and Rogue. Logan put a hand on Rogue's shoulder. What Logan didn't expect was Rogue moving her shoulder away.

"Logan?"

"Yeah."

"Ah'd like tah be alone, please," Rogue said softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, ignoring her previous statement.

Rogue shook her head, but she felt that she owed Logan some sort of explanation. "Remember that argument ah had with Remy a week ago?"

"Yeah."

"Well it's about that," Rogue explained. She wanted Logan to leave her alone for a while. No, she wanted him to leave her alone. Period! "Ah need tah sort it out with Remy before ah can tell anyone about it."

Logan nodded. "Okay. You know where to find me if you wanna talk," he replied. His voice wasn't angry, but Rogue could tell he was hurt, if not jealous.

She watched as Logan left the room before dropping to her knees. Her palms hit the ground hard and she stared at the floor. "What have I done?"

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Logan walked to his room. He was pissed off that Rogue wouldn't tell him what happened between her and Remy that day Remy yelled at her. Logan felt like Rogue should be able to tell him everything, because they were essentially a (secretive) couple. He didn't want anything to come between he and Rogue. Logan reached his room, but didn't bother turning on the light. He walked right over to his bed and lay down. He looked up at the roof and sighed. 'Why can't I stop thinking about her?' Logan thought to himself.

He remembered back to the night he took Rogue to the bar for her birthday. No, before that. Rogue was lying on her bed when he came into her room. He didn't really think of her in a sexual way when he saw her on the bed. She'd grown into a beautiful woman, no doubt. But he'd stop himself before he'd think about Rogue or the other girls in that way. But something about that changed once they got to the pub and had a little too much to drink. Something about him changed after that. When Rogue went for his keys and put her hand in his pocket, he realised, was the moment when he probably let all his inhibitions go out the window. Logan started thinking about the events that happened as they got into his truck. He groaned as he slid his hand down the front of his pants in an attempt to relieve himself of his frustrations.

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Scott waited outside his bedroom. It was only about 9pm, but with Rogue in the danger room, the only place Remy would go to would be his own bedroom. Scott waited for about five minutes before Remy arrived. His own bedroom was across the hall to Remy's. As Remy walked down the hallway, he saw Scott standing there waiting for him.

Remy didn't say a word as he headed for his room.

"Remy, what the hell was that all about?" Scott asked angrily. Because Rogue didn't tell anyone what the argument was about, Scott believed that Remy, being the one to break up with Rogue, shouldn't have yelled at her.

Remy continued on his way to his room, not bothering to look at Scott. "It's personal," He replied lazily. Remy felt Scott's eyes burning on him as he opened the door to his room and walked in.

Scott didn't bother busting Remy's chops for an explanation. Instead he watched Remy enter his bedroom and close the door. Scott huffed and walked into his own bedroom and closed the door. "What the hell is going on around here?" Scott grumbled himself.

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Rogue didn't know how long she sat on the floor for. She stared at the floor, thinking about how she got to where she was right now. She had convinced herself that she was better off with Logan, but deep down, she hated him. She hated Logan for not realising he shouldn't sleep with a student. She hated Remy for breaking up with her. She hated herself for sleeping with Logan to begin with. She hated herself more for allowing herself to continue to sleep with Logan.

"I can't do this," Rogue cried to herself. "I cant!" Rogue grabbed her head and leaned forward. "What the hell is wrong with me!" She yelled at herself.

Rogue felt like no matter what she did, she couldn't live with herself. She couldn't make the pain go away. She felt so hollow inside; As if she wasn't even human anymore. Rogue made herself get up on her feet. She was thinking about so much about her life, she didn't even remember walking to her room. She didn't bother turning on the light, but she could still see a little as the moonlight streamed into her room through the open curtains. She took off her clothes as she walked to her bathroom. When she reached the bathroom door, she wore only her bra and underwear. She turned on the light and turned on the shower. As she left the water to warm up, she walked over to the sink and looked in the mirror.

Rogue looked into the mirror, but she didn't see herself in the reflection anymore. She didn't recognise the girl looking back at her. Her mental image of herself had been twisted and morphed with her guilt and the feeling of being hollow. The mirror began to fog up as the water in the shower heated up the room. She lifted her hard to the mirror and wiped the due off. As she placed her hand back on the edge of the basin, she accidentally toppled over the cup that held her toothbrush and shaver. She looked at the shaver as it felt into the basin.

'God. I feel so… empty..'

She reached for the razor and looked at it closely.

'I just want the pain and guilt to go away.'

Rogue managed to pull the razor from the shaver and held the razor between her thumb and forefinger.

'I just want it all to.. stop.'

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Logan sat at the kitchen table. His toast lay in a plate on the table while he read the morning paper. It was after 9am, so all the junior students were already off at school. Only the senior students were still hanging around the mansion. So far, only Scott and Kurt had entered the kitchen for breakfast and they were sitting at the kitchen bench talking amongst themselves. Logan hoped that they'd leave before Rogue came in because he wanted to talk to her privately. The kitchen door swung open and Logan, along with Scott and Kurt, looked to see who had come in. Logan half expected it to be Rogue to come in, and he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed when he saw that it was actually Remy who had entered the kitchen. Logan still really didn't know if Remy knew about himself and Rogue, but he intended to find out.

"Morning," Kurt greeted cheerily.

Remy nodded and waved a hand in Kurt's direction. Remy, like Rogue, was not a morning person. He was a night owl. Remy shuffled his way to the fridge with his eyes barely open and his hair all messed up. He wore a pair of dark blue track pants and a baggy black T-shirt. Remy opened the fridge and reached for a beer.

It was as if Logan could sense it, or he just knew about Remy's bad habits too well, "Don't even think about it," Logan said in his authoritive tone. His eyes never left the newspaper, and it amazed Scott and Kurt how Logan knew when his beers were about to be taken.

Remy was tempted to groan in reply, but he didn't want to talk to Logan. He just rolled his eyes and put the beer back in its place.

Kurt's eyes lit up when Logan made the comment. "How do you do zat?" Kurt exclaimed. "Zat was so cool!"

Logan lowered his paper and gave Kurt an 'I'm-so-not-impressed' look.

Remy slot some bread in the toaster and leaned back on the bench while he waited for the toast to cook. He wished he'd remembered to bring his sunglasses with him when he left his bedroom. If he brought them he would have been able to stare at Logan without Logan knowing. Instead he stared at the floor and crossed his arms. He wanted to confront Logan about sleeping with Rogue, but it wasn't the place or time. Remy was pissed off that Logan had slept with Rogue. He wanted to tell Logan that he should know better than to sleep with a student, especially when she's drunk! He wanted to yell at Logan and tell him to keep his hands off Rogue. Remy knew that since he broke up with Rogue, she was able to do whatever she wanted, but Remy still felt protective over her. He loved her since he first laid eyes on her that day the acolytes fought with the Xmen at the construction site (even though he almost blew her hand off with one of his charged cards). He'd spent years flirting with her and when Rogue gained control over her powers, their relationship went to the next level. But one morning Remy woke up and realised that things were getting more serious with a girl than he usually allows. And it scared him.

Remy felt mad at himself for making Rogue believe he didn't love her anymore. It was quite the opposite. He was mad, more at himself than he was at Rogue. And now that Rogue seemed happy with Logan, Remy couldn't help but feel jealous. But he also saw the needy look in Rogue's eyes when he returned. He also felt the hurt that Rogue felt when she slept with Logan. The memories she passed onto him were painful for him to remember and he had a small idea of how she felt. She was so ashamed of what she'd done and Remy blamed himself for breaking up with her to begin with. If he hadn't then she wouldn't have slept with Logan.

The toast popped out of the toaster and Remy started buttering his toast. He vowed to make everything right again. He was going to get Rogue back and tell Logan to stay away from his girl.

After he finished buttering his toast, he picked up his plate and headed out of the kitchen. As he headed out the door, he got an idea and smiled to himself. 'Have to start somewhere,' Remy thought to himself as he headed towards the girl's dorms.

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Rogue felt like shit. She lay on her bed and stared out the window. She forgot to close the blinds the night before, so the morning sun was shining in her window. She cursed at herself for forgetting to close the blinds. She looked at her left arm. There was a large red cut across her forearm. It made her feel more human, alive. She closed her eyes and remembered the night before.

Rogue had removed the razor from the shaver. She looked at it and hoped that it would help all her pain go away. She was depressed and just wanted all her problems to go away, but she didn't want to die. No, she didn't want to die. She just wanted to pain to go away. She wanted the guilt and feelings of loneliness and hollowness to go away. She wanted to feel. She felt like an empty shell and she didn't know why she kept up the façade with Logan. She wanted to tell Logan that she wanted out of their relationship, or whatever it was. But at the same time she felt like she was stuck with Logan because she allowed herself to get into that situation to begin with.

She contemplated death, but she realised she wasn't ready to die. But at the same time, she still wondered what it felt like to take a blade to your own skin. She held out her left arm and placed the blade about halfway down the underside of her forearm.

'Can ah really do this?'

She slowly pressed the blade harder to her skin.

'Ah need tah know ah'm alive.'

She slowly moved the blade to the right so that it cut the skin. She tried to not cut herself too deep that she'd require stitches. The blood began to trickled down the side of her arm and landed in the basin.

'Ah need this. Ah need this. Ah need this.'

Rogue watched the blood flow and she made no attempt to try stop the bleeding. No. She needed this. She needed to feel. As she watched the blood trickle out of her arm, she felt like her troubles was slowly leaving her. The pain made everything in her head feel numb. Rogue turned and sat on the lid to her laundry chute, which was next to the basin, but kept her bloodied arm over the basin. She didn't want anyone to know she was cutting herself. It was her little secret.

'Ah need this. Ah need this. Ah need this.'

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I
Would

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past

(Easier to run – Linkin Park)