author's notes : I have some American net friends who don't know what a singlet is.. It's an item of clothing, namely a top with no sleeves, but with staps that go over the shoulders instead.. okay here's the next chapter.. I seriously thought I poste this already- but I guess I didn't! lol okay don't 4get to review!

Ch8: forgive me

Mornings. Rogue hated mornings. She was a night owl and could stay up all night long. The only thing was as soon as morning came, all she wanted to do was sleep in. Now that she was out of high school, she had more days to sleep in. She only had Uni three days a week and she loved it that way. Rogue yawned and looked around the room. She remembered to close the blinds the night before so she didn't have the morning sun glaring in her eyes two mornings in a row.

She rolled onto her back and stretched her arms up into the air. After a moment, she quickly pulled her left arm back down because she realised the cut from the night before was aching when she stretched out her arm. It had hurt a lot more than the first one and when she looked at her arm, she realised why. There was blood all over her arm again, but unlike when it had dried the night before, this time it looked like the blood was smudged all over the underside of her arm and dried up that way.

Rogue sat up to better examine her arm. When she did, she saw that the front of her singlet was covered in bloodstains.

"Fuck!" She grumbled to herself when she realised her cut must've opened during the night and spilled blood all over her top. She got out of bed to see if the blood had reached her sheets too. "Fuck!" There were blobs of blood on the bed too. Rogue quickly stripped the bed of the bloodied fitted sheet and took off her singlet. She made her way to her bathroom and opened the lid to the laundry chute. Whatever she threw down there would drop downstairs into the laundry room, where whoever's duty it was to do the laundry that week would wash everyone's clothes. Thankfully, laundry day was today. And it was Rogue's turn to do the laundry.

"There is a God!" Rogue praised to herself and dropped the bloody cargo down the chute. She didn't want to carry it to the laundry because then everyone would have seen it as she walked there. At least she knew that she would be the only one to see the bloody laundry and to make sure of it, she planned to do the laundry first thing that morning, before breakfast time.

Figuring, she'd wash her arm later, Rogue smiled to herself as she put on her top from the day before, which covered her bloodied arm and her track pants and made her way to the laundry. To get to the laundry, she had to go down the hallway and out of the girl's dorms. She then had to go down the long staircase that leads to the front door to get downstairs. Then to the basement through a door near the kitchen to get to the laundry. Rogue smiled as she walked down the hallway, thinking her luck had finally turned around. She didn't want anyone finding out she'd been cutting herself. If the Professor found out, she didn't know what he'd do.

As Rogue left the hallway, she turned to head down the staircase, but she saw Jean, Kitty and Boom Boom standing on the staircase laughing. "What's going on?" Rogue asked, wondering why they were standing around and not off having breakfast.

"You wont believe what just happened!" Kitty exclaimed. Kitty loved to be the one to tell people anything remotely juicy. "Remy-" Kitty began but was cut off when Jean elbowed her in the stomach. "Ow!" Kitty called out, but then realised why Jean elbowed her. "Sorry."

Rogue saw the unobvious elbow action and crossed her arms, "What did he do now?" Seeming to be totally uninterested in Remy's doings.

Jean, Kitty and Boom Boom looked uneasy. Jean figured since she stopped Kitty from saying anything then she'd have to be the one to tell Rogue. "Look, Rogue. Remy.. um.. he.." Jean stumbled on her words. She didn't want to hurt Rogue's feelings.

Rogue tried her hardest to look like she didn't care about Remy anymore. "Does this have anything to do with the girl he brought home last night?"

When Rogue mentioned the mystery blonde, the other girls were surprised. "How did you know about her?" Kitty asked.

"Ah saw him bring her home last night," Rogue answered matter-of-factly. "So what did the professor give him?"

"Three months of laundry duty, gardening with Ororo and cleaning the X-jet once a week," Jean explained.

Rogue's heart began to pound when she heard the words 'Laundry duty'. "Oh mah God!" she exclaimed. "Ah gotta go!" She explained as she pushed her way past the girls and sprinted down the staircase and down to the laundry.

When she got there, Remy was nowhere to be seen. Rogue breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God!" She quickly tried to fish out her bloody sheets and top, but they were underneath a whole lot of some one else's dirty laundry. As she sifted through all the random items of clothing, she realised who'd decided to unload all their dirty clothes in one go. "Damnit, Kurt!" She groaned as she threw all Kurt's dirty clothing over her shoulder and tried to get to her sheet.

"Hey!" A male voice called out, after being hit in the face with a pair of Kurt's boxer shorts.

'Oh shit!' Rogue thought to herself. Remy had arrived to do the laundry and she still hadn't found her bloodied sheet and top! Rogue stood upright and turned to faced Remy. She knew that he knew that she'd seen him bring the blonde bimbo home, and she tried her hardest to act like she didn't care. But she felt like dying when she looked at him. She remembered the look in his eyes and she felt like he only did it to spite her. Now she knew how he felt when he found out she'd slept with Logan. Rogue couldn't help but stare at Remy. She didn't know what to say. If she started to talk, her voice would give her away and she didn't want Remy to know she wanted so much to hold him again. Rogue bit her lip as she tried harder than she had ever tried before to keep her tears back.

Remy stood motionless, but his eyes looked sad. "The Professor.." Remy began to explain, but Rogue cut him off.

"Yeah, ah heard. Ah'll get outah your hair in ah sec. Ah accidentally threw down something ah wanna wear today, so lemme get it and ah'll be off," Rogue lied. She turned quickly back to the pile of laundry on the floor so that Remy wouldn't see that she was about to cry. She didn't know how she was going to hide the bloodstains as she walked back to her room, but she needed to find the sheet and her top first before she would worry about it.

Remy watched as Rogue crouched on the floor and sifted through the clothes. "Chere," He said softly. He hadn't called Rogue that since before he left. Rogue stopped sifting through the clothes and sat motionless. She was shocked. She missed Remy calling her that. "Whatever you threw down here is probably dirty now from all the other clothes. Leave it. Remy clean it for you," Remy explained. His voice was so full of hurt and guilt that it made Rogue want to cry even more. Their relationship was fucked up, non existent and Rogue wanted to crawl into a ball and cry.

Rogue was in her own little world and she didn't realised he'd walked across the room to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Leave it," Remy said softly.

Rogue sniffed and held back her tears. "No. Ah need it," she insisted but Remy put his other hand on her other shoulder. He pulled Rogue to her feet but her back was still facing him. Rogue couldn't face him. He would've figured out that she was crying, but she still didn't want him to see it.

"Rogue, I-"

"Don't say it," Rogue cut him off. "Ah know ya hate me and ah don't need you tah tell me you're sorry for last night, when ya aren't." Rogue sobbed. She had failed to hold back her tears and was now bawling her eyes out. She didn't know why, but Rogue felt that with Remy trying to move on, that this would be her last chance to tell him how she felt. "Ah love you, Remy. But ah don't expect you tah love me back."

Remy still stared at Rogue's neck and kept his hands on her shoulders. He hadn't dared to turn her around to face him for fear of how he would react. He was afraid of giving in. Afraid of hugging her again. He was still confused as to why he thought he heard her saying she didn't love him anymore the night before. "Is that why you're still with.. him?" Remy asked.

Rogue was surprised Remy's tone wasn't angry. He sounded hurt and betrayed, and rightly so. "Ah don't love Logan. Ah don't think ah ever did.." Rogue explained. She bowed her head and couldn't bear to face Remy. Still staring at the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, she spotted the bloody sheet. She quickly ran to the sheet, forcing Remy to let go of her shoulders, and grabbed it. She rolled it up as fast as she could and prayed that the singlet was rolled in with the sheet. She couldn't see it anywhere on the floor so she thought she was safe. Rogue then turned and faced Remy. Her eyes were red from crying. "Ah have to go," She said softly as she hugged the white rolled up sheet.

Remy nodded and stood motionless as he watched Rogue head for the door. But as Rogue started to walk closer to him, to get to the door, Remy realised something and stepped to the side to stand in Rogue's way. Shocked, Rogue quickly stopped walking and looked up at the demon-eyed man. She was speechless and had no idea why he did that. That is, until he asked, "Why were you spying on Remy last night?"

Rogue was shocked. She hadn't expected him to ask her that. "Ah wasn't," She replied. "Ah was on mah balcony and ah heard you coming home. When ah realised ah didn't recognise who was on the back of your bike, ah went tah see who it was," Rogue explained.

Remy nodded and then stepped to the side to let Rogue pass him. Rogue nodded silently and hugged the sheet tighter. She wished it were Remy she were really hugging, but she doubted that would ever happen again. Rogue didn't move. She found herself coming up with a million questions for Remy, but only one came out, "Do yah hate me, Remy?" She asked, not taking her eyes off the floor in front of her.

Remy was so shocked by the question, that he couldn't come up with a decent answer for her. Sure, he hated her for what she'd done, but then he also hated himself for leaving her and for sleeping with the blonde too. "I.. er.. well.." He mumbled.

Rogue nodded at Remy's incoherent response. "Don't worry," She said softly. "I already hate myself for what I've done. And I'd take it all back."

Remy watched as Rogue walked out the door. He knew Rogue felt extremely guilty about being with Logan. He had her thoughts still running in his mind from when she passed on her memories to him. But what he didn't realise was how much she hated herself for it.

"Remy'll make things right, Chere," Remy said aloud, but Rogue had already left.

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Rogue got to her room without having to stop to talk to anyone. She quickly walked to her bathroom and threw the sheet on the floor. She planned to wash it and her singlet herself in her bathroom since Remy would be doing all the laundry for the next three months. She rolled up her sleeves but winced as her left sleeve scraped her fresh cut. Thankfully it didn't bleed again but it hurt like hell. Rogue then bend down and picked up the sheet. She opened it up and hoped that the green bloody singlet would fall out of the rolled up sheet.

"Fuck me dead!" She groaned to herself. She'd opened the sheet and there was no bloody singlet! "How am I going to get it back now!"

Rogue prayed to God that Remy wouldn't notice it as he chucked the clothes into the washing machine, but she knew that he still had to sort the clothes by colours. She had no idea how she was going to get the shirt back. She sat on the lid of her laundry chute again and thought about it.

'If it wasn't so weird between us, ah'd be able to walk in casually. But now.. argh!' she thought to herself. 'Well, weird or no, I have to get that top back before he sees it!'

Rogue got up and ran out of the bathroom. She ran to her door and opened it, planning to run down to the laundry. What she didn't expect to find was Remy standing outside her door. When she opened the door, Rogue nearly ran into him because she wasn't expecting anyone to be outside her door. She quickly stopped in her tracks and looked up at Remy. His right hand was raised and his fist was in a ball, ready to knock on the door.

"Whoah!" Rogue exclaimed as she almost hit Remy. "Uh, Remy, what are yah doing here?"

Remy lowered his hand. He brought up his other hand and there it was. Remy was holding up the bloody singlet in his hand. "What's this?" Remy asked. He looked concerned.

"It's a singlet," Rogue replied sarcastically. She reached up for the top and then she realised she hadn't rolled down her sleeves when she left her bathroom.

Remy lowered the singlet and raised his free hand to grab her left arm. "What happened?" He exclaimed as he tried to get a closer look at her cuts.

Rogue couldn't believe it. Remy was touching her. She would have let him touch her, but he had seen the cuts on her arm. Rogue quickly pulled her hand free and rolled down her sleeves. "I had an accident," Rogue explained. She didn't know how she was going to explain how she got the cuts if Remy asked, but she had to think up something believable.

"And the singlet?" Remy asked, holding it up again.

Rogue took the singlet from Remy. "Mah cut opened sometime during the night and bled all over mah top. It's nothing," She reassured. Well at least she was partly telling the truth.

"That doesn't look like nothing," Remy commented. "Those cuts looked clean and precise," Remy explained. Rogue was getting nervous. Remy was getting too close to the truth.

Rogue crossed her arms and put all her weight on one leg. "What are yah saying, swamp rat?"

Remy couldn't believe his eyes. Those cuts were too clean to be an accident. Whatever cut her, it didn't look like an accident. He didn't want to believe it, but only one thing came to mind. He didn't want to believe that Rogue was cutting herself. "Are.. are you alright, Chere?" He asked nervously.

There was that word again. Rogue loved it when he called her his Chere. But given the situation, she had to worry about Remy's suspicions about her cutting herself first. "Ah'm fine," Rogue said in a matter-of-fact voice. "And why do yah care if ah'm okay or not?" Rogue hated herself for trying to start an argument with Remy, but it was her defence mechanism. If she didn't want anyone to know something about her, she'd get defensive and aggressive.

Remy was taken back by Rogue's sudden hostility. "If I didn't care, I wouldn't have come to ask you about the blood," Remy replied. He tried to avoid the subject about their break up. He didn't know how to tell Rogue he still loved her. And it wasn't the time. He wanted to deal with the issue of her cutting herself first. But he figured he'd better eliminate any of the other variables first. "Did… Logan do that to you?"

Rogue was stunned. That was one of the last questions she expected Remy to ask. "No!" She yelled. She couldn't believe that Remy would even think that Logan would do that to her.

Remy apologised for offending her. "Sorry, but he does have blades that come out of his arms."

Rogue shifted her weight to her other foot but kept her arms crossed. "He wouldn't do anything like that," Rogue explained. But she didn't know if she really believed those words herself. After the stunt Logan pulled the night before, she wasn't sure anymore.

Remy snorted at the comment Rogue made. He hated how she talked about him like she knew him better than everyone else. It reminded Remy of how she slept with Logan. Remy wasn't really sure of what else to say. He was convinced that Rogue had cut her arm herself and if she's started cutting herself, it would be a hard thing to stop. His anger slowly dissipated and he handed Rogue the singlet. "Remy don't hate you, Chere," He said softly.

Rogue's features softened and she uncrossed her arms. She didn't expect Remy to say that, not in a million years. She carefully reached for the singlet that Remy held out to her. She paused when her hand touched the singlet. She didn't know what to expect. She didn't know if he was going to grab her arm again or try to hug her. She looked up at him from the singlet. His eyes were sad. His red eyes glistened and Rogue saw that he was going to cry. Rogue couldn't bear to see him like this. He looked like a wreak and Rogue figured she looked no better. "Remy," Rouge said, taking the singlet. "Forgive me?" Rogue hugged the singlet, knowing that Remy wouldn't. She stared at Remy's chest, unable to look into Remy's eyes. Tears welled up in her eyes.

'Don't cry. Don't cry. Oh God, don't cry, Rogue.'

Remy watched as Rogue cried. He hated to see her like this. And now, she was asking him to forgive her. He already knew that she hated herself for what she'd done and now he suspected she was cutting herself. To be cutting herself, Remy knew she definitely wasn't happy. He found himself unable to bear to see her cry. He lifted his hand so that his finger was under Rogue's chin. He lifted her face up so that she could look into his eyes. Her eyes pleaded with him. He missed holding her, and his urge to do so was strong.

Remy stepped closer to Rogue. He threw his arms around her and pulled her close. Rogue stood in shock at first, but then after realising that Remy really was hugging her, she allowed her head to rest on his shoulder. She couldn't believe it. Remy was holding her again, just like she'd hoped. She felt Remy's body shudder and she realised he too was crying.

"I forgive you, Rogue," Remy whispered. He couldn't bring his voice above that of a whisper because of his crying. Remy held his arms firmly around Rogue's shoulders and his cheek rested on her head. "I'm sorry too. I really am."

Rogue, overcome with emotion, felt her knees give way. Remy held her tightly and so she didn't fall. Remy realised they were still standing in her doorway. He wrapped one arm under her knees and lifted Rogue off the ground. He closed the door behind him with his foot and then made his way to Rogue's bed. He lay her on the bed on top of her blankets and lay down next to her.

Rogue couldn't stop the tears. She felt horrible for what she'd done. She hated herself for believing she could ever be happy with Logan. She despised Logan for not seeing that she was so unhappy. She loved Remy and couldn't believe that he was lying there beside her. She closed her eyes and leaned closer to Remy until her head was in the space between Remy's chin and collarbone. Remy put his arm around her and let her cry. Remy ran his hand down the back of her head. It seemed to soothe her as Rogue's sobbing had slowly gone quiet. Remy lifted his head to see her face. Rogue had cried herself to sleep. Remy ran his finger down Rogue's jaw line and admired her sleeping face. Oh God, he missed this. He missed being able to hold her like this.

With Rogue now asleep, Remy took the opportunity to get a closer look at her arm. He slowly rolled up her sleeve, making sure she didn't wake up as he did it. He studied the two cuts on her upper forearm. They were about 5cm from the elbow. The one closest to the elbow was now covered with a dark brown scab. It looked older than the second, which was still a deep red colour and the skin was red around both of them. He ran his thumb softly over them and he could feel that the skin was raised and swollen. Rogue stirred as he touched the cuts, but she didn't wake. Remy slowly and carefully pulled her sleeve back down. He knew now that those cuts were too precise to be an accident. He feared that if she was depressed enough to cut herself, he feared that she might do something even worse. He prayed that she never went far enough to take her own life and he wanted to make sure it never got that bad.

"Remy will make everything better, Chere," Remy whispered. He knew Rogue probably couldn't hear him, but he said it anyway. He knew that things were seriously wrong in Rogue's life and he wanted to help make things right. Remy kissed Rogue on the forehead and slowly rolled off the bed.

Remy headed for the door. He grasped the handle, but before he opened the door, he turned and took one last look at his sleeping beauty. He opened the door and headed back to the laundry to begin his punishment.

And I don't want to fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
and I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't wanna talk about it
'cause I'm in love with you

I'm in love with you.

(Fall to pieces – Avril Lavigne)

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Rogue woke to the sound of someone knocking on her door. She opened her eyes, trying to remember where she was. Slowly, the memories of Remy coming to her door and hugging her came back to her. She took a deep breath and sat up. Whoever was at the door knocked again. Rogue got up off the bed and headed to the door. When she opened the door, a shiver went down her spine and her gut churned with feelings of dread.

"Logan?" Rogue asked, shocked that Logan was at her door. All she could think about was his behaviour the night before.

Logan had one hand on the outside of the doorframe and he leaned his body on that arm. "Hey," He smiled. He missed how he and Rogue would get nasty when no one was looking. But now, especially since Remy's return, Rogue had become distant. It made Logan want her even more, as he felt he had to fight to win her back. Logan loved it when things weren't easy. He loved a challenge, and he knew it wouldn't be easy to win Rogue back. He could smell Remy's scent all over Rogue and it made him insanely jealous.

"Was Remy here today?" Logan asked calmly. He wasn't going to let his jealously get the better of him.

He watched as Rogue's body went rigid at the mention of Remy's name. She was afraid and he didn't know why.

"Ah dropped something down the laundry chute and he came here tah bring it back tah me," Rogue explained. Logan nodded and accepted her explanation. But he was still sceptical with Remy's intentions for coming to her room. Rogue crossed her arms. "Did yah come here for something?"

Logan stood upright and nodded. "Yeah. Chuck wants me to test out a new danger room program before we test it on the kids. Hank was supposed to be there to take notes on any flaws in the program, but he's sick as a dog in bed. So, you've been asked to take Hank's place instead," Logan explained.

Rogue nodded. "Okay, ah'll help. When are yah testing out the program?"

Logan smiled. He wanted to spend more time with Rogue. "Now."

Rogue nodded and they made their way to the Danger room. Rogue felt nervous but didn't expect Logan to act weird again out in the open, where anyone can see. So she felt better that Logan would probably behave himself as long as there was a chance that anyone could walk in on them.