Thank you: Bel.29, sophiecambellbower, MissLux, Zutarawasrobbed, Astra Across the Stars, L, and Guest!
L: If you were gettin' those vibes...you wouldn't be wrong!
Guest: Awww thank you so much! Glad you are continuing to enjoy it!
Katara eagerly leaned off the side of the Fire Nation sailing ship, breathing in the sharpness of the snow that rained upon the boat. She reached her hands out, creating little moving creatures in the air. A woman danced with a mysterious suitor, a hawk swooped through the clouds, a dragon created icy flames that he spat above the choppy, freezing water.
Behind her, Yue giggled and abandoned her post at the front of the ship, watching Katara with wonderment in her eyes. Even Mai, who had brought a mug of warm tea onto the decks, was watching with curious eyes.
"Sorta cool, right, Mai?" Zuko teased, noticing she was watching. Mai looked down, but Katara was almost sure she caught a smile.
"It's something to pass the time. Who knew glaciers were so...boring?" She sighed dramatically, but it seemed to be more out of habit than with any real annoyance.
Katara never thought she'd say it, but the group of girls going on this trip with Zuko felt freer and less trama-filled than most other groups. Yue did not hate Katara, and Katara doubted she could hate anyone. Mai was...well, 'warming' to Katara was certainly a stretch, but after their time in the abbey, Katara could have sworn there was a shift in the air, not just for her, but from Mai and shockingly Nadhari. Neither were offering to braid her hair in their rooms, but Nadhari had been on one of her morning take-downs yesterday and could have totally destroyed Katara, but chose not to.
So, that had to count for something, right?
"Oh! Look! Isn't it magnificent?" Yue gasped, rubbing tears from her eyes as the grand gates of the Northern Water Tribe came into view. Katara tried to hold back her shock and jealousy. She loved the quaintness of her tribe, of course, but to see what the North had done...it made her ache for her own home but also wonder what her people could accomplish with more waterbenders and less fear?
"That's all...snow?" Mai stood and joined the girls at the side of the ship, surprise coloring her tone.
"Every inch," Yue said. Katara had never seen her look so proud. She was practically shining. "Oh! Look! Father! Father!" Yue said, waving off the side of the ship, all her usual composure vanished at the joy of seeing her family again. There was a group of people waiting to greet them, in all their finery and beauty.
Going to the North had been a controversial choice. Of course, the Water Tribes were not a favorite in the Fire Nation currently. But it had been planned for moons and if anything, Ozai wanted to remind the world that he still controlled the North. Why Katara had been allowed to go, she would never guess, but she was not complaining.
But Katara had a goal there...and a promise to fulfill to Ursa.
She figured she had to connect in a spiritual place to try to reach her past self again, right? Well, she'd spent the hours since being saved by Zuko's mother in the Temple of the Dragon, praying and hoping that it would work, since the Painted Lady was originally a firebender. She had nothing to show for it, except for bruised knees from the long hours she spent kneeling.
Okay, maybe she had to go somewhere more spiritual. Somewhere closer to her heart. And, actually, the North was exactly where she figured she should be. Their Spirit Oasis pool was just the ticket...if she was ever going to be able to pull her first self back through her memories.
She didn't know what she was searching for, but she needed more. She needed reassurance, an explanation, anything...or else she feared her own mind would eat itself inside out with wondering. She figured this is why mortals weren't often told of such things. Her mind already felt a bit like goo, and that was only with the briefest dives into her past.
Katara was jolted from her thoughts as they were maneuvered into the city via canal systems. Katara found herself staring with some unknown feeling at the numerous waterbenders, all working together to push and pull and manipulate such a great body of water when she was the only one from her tribe. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Yue had a weirdly misty glaze on her face. Katara wondered if she was wishing she could waterbend and feel as though it was hers, not a spirit and something locked away from owning it.
Their large boat needed to stay in the harbor, so they loaded onto small flatboats to take them around the city, beautifully carved and gilded. Yue was talking a mile a minute, wanting to explain every crevice in her city, every stone created.
The North was certainly something to see, and Zuko and Mai were caught in bated breath, passing over the bridges and tall buildings and grandeur that it offered.
At the gates of the palace, Chief Arnook greeted Zuko with a bow before hugging Yue tightly. He looked up, and his eyes passed over to Katara.
Here I am, the troubled daughter, returning to my roots, Katara thought somewhat bitterly, What must they think of me?
He held no ire for her, just pity. It was a look she imagined her father might have if he heard or could see her. And this was the worst of all.
She could hardly focus during the feast. She should have been in heaven. Pakku and some of his students performed a waterbending dance that had Katara's heart sing, the food was so comforting (the Fire Nation kitchens just couldn't do it justice), and the overall ambiance felt so familiar.
"Are you okay?" Zuko asked partway through dinner, nudging her back into reality. "You seem...off."
"Just tired." She smiled, eating another sea prune. "And happy." Because, part of her, truly was. Somehow, she'd needed this.
"Are the rooms this chilled?" Mai asked as they were led to their chambers.
"There's a surprising amount of heat under furs," Yue giggled. "You'll be sweating by morning!"
Zuko, Mai, and Katara's rooms were not too far from the Royal Ice Chambers, but Katara had no idea what to expect walking into her room. Yue had grasped her hand just after dinner and said that she 'hoped Katara liked her suite', but Katara didn't know why she wouldn't. She opened the door to see a fabric hanging, almost like...almost like a tent.
She parted it back to view something that stopped her completely.
Her room was done up to look like a Southern Water Tribe hut. Katara had no idea how they managed to figure out what her home looked like, but from the weapons on the wall to the furs laid out, to the tent in the back...it was like she was walking into her father's hut.
And even though it was hundreds and hundreds of miles away from where she truly wished she was, it was close enough. Even the furs smelled like the musky woodiness of her home as she curled herself into the blankets.
"I'm not okay," she whispered out loud, hoping her soul was listening, "But I will be."
XXX
The morning brought Katara first to Pakku's training center. She'd awoken to find a note from the night previous where he asked for her attendance. Yue was enjoying time with her family, Zuko was being given a tour, Mai was doing spirits know what, but the point was that the first day here was for the girls to do whatever they pleased. And Katara, on some crazy level, was looking forward to seeing her grandfather.
As she passed through his doors, she saw a gaggle of students mixed; boys...and girls. Even as she entered, Pakku was debriefing with a young girl a few years younger than Katara, showing her how to properly position herself.
"Thanks, Master Pakku!" the girl chimed, turning and coming to a halt. "Prin...Princess Katara!" She fell into a curtsey.
"Err, no need for that. Your form looked good." Katara gave a soft smile.
"It was awful, don't go soft," Pakku scoffed. His personality hadn't improved, Katara thought with an eye roll.
"So, female students?" Katara said as the girl left, face blushed red.
"Water is the element of change," Pakku said simply, pushing the snow away from the center of the room and melting it back into vats effortlessly. "But they go through a rigorous process. All my students now, actually, boy or girl. There are other waterbending masters for the soft-hearted benders," he scoffed. "But no girl has matched your power, Katara," he added, spinning and throwing a wall of ice at her. She hadn't practiced intense waterbending in quite some time but was still able to throw it off with some effort.
She knew that this wasn't going to be tea and catching up, but she hadn't been expecting to be thrown into a spar so quickly. Still, she was ready.
Pakku's next wave pushed Katara outside completely, into the main courtyard. Pakku's students were all gathered, huddled into groups, as though they were expecting this. The girls especially were completely starstruck, cheering for Katara as she threw back everything that Pakku was giving her.
She was sure that Pakku was teaching them all the traditional, respectable moves. Position One, to Two, to Three and so on, but Katara was a cougar. She was the wilderness. She was nothing like what Pakku taught them and she would not be beaten down as such.
Pakku was not going easy on her, but she would have been offended if he had.
He won, in the end. Katara could still recognize that she had so much more to learn, and losing to Pakku was not the sting in her side it once was. In fact, she leaned into the ice cage he had thrown around her, grinning at it.
"I'll have to remember this one," she said, melting it under her fingers. Her hair had completely come free from her braids, matted and frizzy. As she strung the water from her hair, she realized her grandmother's necklace had broken off. She turned to see Pakku running his fingers over it softly, caught up in the moment.
"Have you two had time to...talk?" she asked as he handed it back.
"No," Pakku's face was pushed into a scowl, "The Fire Nation is watching all messages sent out and I cannot...there will be time," he said to himself, but she wasn't sure either believed it. Pakku motioned for them to now walk and talk along the canals and bridges of the town.
"I had to make sure the palace had not made you weak," Pakku sniffed, "That you'd been keeping up your training, Katara."
"Not as well as I'd like," Katara admitted. "It was nice to have you really put a fire in my veins. You're fun to try to beat," she teased, wondering how he'd react. She was glad to see him smile, just a tad.
"True warriors need someone to dislike," he said with a shrug, and perhaps demystified his entire teaching style. Or, maybe it was just what she wanted to imagine and he was still sort of an ass.
"I'm surprised so many of your students were cheering for me. Did you all not hear..?" She trailed off. Perhaps they were unaware of her bloodbending. It hadn't been that long ago, and things did take a while to reach here. However, from Pakku's face, they knew.
"Oh, we're aware. However…" He tilted his head. "Most see it as a recognition of freedom. It's…" He pursed his lips. "The Waterbending Masters have been separated for so long...healing or killing...that with this wave of new change, it feels like a mix. Yagoda and I have been wondering if it should be something we teach. What has happened….happened. We can try to reclaim our heritage and make it not some monster hiding in the shadows."
"You're going to teach bloodbending?" Katara blinked, shocked, and almost touched.
"If we can. It's incredibly difficult. I was hoping to practice with you." Pakku said, very candid in his weakness now. "You have the raw skill, I have the training. Perhaps in our time, we could work to streamline it more," he offered.
"Yes!" Katara inhaled hard. "Yes, of course. I would love to!" She never imagined this act, which had made her time at the palace so awful, could ever turn itself around. She was not ostracized here for her talent, but rather, revered. It was such a different reaction and she felt more at peace than she had for moons in the Fire Nation. "What about Chief Arnook? He's under the Fire Nation and I know they don't like it there…"
"Well..." Pakku's smile was mischievous. "Quite a few missives are often lost between here and the Fire Nation. If the ones that mentioned this skill simply...vanish at sea for quite some time, who could blame us? It's those fickle sea winds." But his eyes seemed to hold something more. And, some part of Katara wondered...was the North planning on going to true war against the Fire Nation soon?
"Master Yagoda wishes to see you. She is the head healer here. She will be thrilled with your help; she might want to start mapping out ideas to teach this new skill immediately. I have a private lesson now," Pakku said, abrupt as ever.
"How do I get to Yagoda?" Katara asked, but Pakku was already gone.
After wandering somewhat aimlessly around the town, enjoying getting lost, Katara found her way. Yagoda was in a lesson with a group of girls no more than five years old, mapping out the chakras on a body figure.
"Princess Katara, welcome." She motioned her in. "Why don't you sit for the remainder?" she welcomed her, "Tea is over there if you want some."
Katara bowed her head and sat in the back, marveling at the youngness of the girls. True, her abilities had begun to show at around three, so this was absolutely the age to start. She hadn't really had a grasp on waterbending until ten or twelve, however, so it was a blessing to be so young and so knowledgeable. She wasn't jealous of children but did wish that her tribe was different in more than a few ways.
After the class, Yagoda kept the body form in front of them and began to ask Katara questions about what bloodbending felt like. Since Katara had begun with the realization of veins moving through the body, and taking what she knew of healing, it was easier to talk about this aspect than the fighting, strange as it was.
She and Yagoda outlined a few starting points and probably would have spent the rest of the night doing so, if not for the visitor who arrived at the healing hut.
"Master Yagoda, I have a case that I can't quite figure out, perhaps you-"
Katara turned so fast that her hair loopies hit her face and her teacup crashed to the ground. "Eva!"
Eva turned, her eyes a milky color, similar to but also different than Toph's, and a wide smile spread across her lips.
"Katara! Oh my spirits, I forgot you all came back today!"
Katara got up and flung herself at her friend.
"Why are you crying?" Eva laughed, moving around to find Katara's shoulders before clinging tightly, looking toward Katara without looking at her.
"Because you're...you're alive...and here and…" Katara felt like she was going to just break down sobbing. "Because I'm so glad to see you." After losing nearly everyone, being able to sit with an old friend felt like the best gift she could have been given.
"Eva is nearly a master in healing herself," Yagoda said proudly, "And has taken over half of my work since returning. Her waterbending skills may not be much in war, but they are firm in medicine. I am lucky to have her."
"Look at you!" Katara gushed, "A real waterbender now!" She felt like a proud parent and had never been so thrilled to have someone else like her.
"Katara, you have no idea," Eva grinned.
"I doubt we're going to get much more done today. Go, catch up," Yagoda shooed, "We will talk more tomorrow, Katara."
"Come back to my place! I'll cook dinner," Eva said, grasping Katara's hand tightly. "I have so much to talk to you about."
"Not to be rude," Katara asked as Eva led her outside, "How can you...see here?" She noticed Eva's feet were covered, which wasn't unusual. But obviously, Eva was walking around just fine, compared to Toph, who would be literally blind here. "Ah! Did Yagoda-"
"Fix my sight? No...we even got an allowance to use the Spirit Water. Some things are not meant to pass," Eva shrugged. Her fingers reached for what looked like a walking stick and she weighed it a second in her palms. "But we figured it out. Firebenders don't hurt their own fingers when they have a flame. Likewise, if we create ice and hold it in our palms, as long as we're bending it, it doesn't chill."
She set the staff firmly in the snow and a trickle of water ran up it, up to her fingers, and encased her palm. "And now...now I can see," Eva said proudly. "As long as the staff is on the ice, I have sight. It's not perfect, by any means, but I'm not fumbling around."
"That's brilliant," Katara breached, so relieved.
"Come on," Eva motioned, "I want to hear everything that's happened since I left."
"Pff, do you have a few years?" Katara asked sarcastically. "And you must have heard some stuff."
"Big fights. Bloodbending. Attacks." Eva shrugged. "I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in you and Prince Zuko. Is he still dreamy?"
Katara choked out a laugh as they reached Eva's house. It was a three-room structure made from ice but still had some pelts and such hanging around. She was surprised it seemed just to be Eva here but didn't push.
"I guess?" Katara said.
"I can feel your heart race," Eva giggled.
"You're just as bad as Toph, Tui," Katara groaned. Eva winked and took off her winter gear. Her hair wasn't as long as it was in the first place, but it was gaining length and beaded into many tiny braids. Katara figured that dealing with hair wasn't a big priority for Eva like it once had been.
Her eyes were also different from Toph's, now that Katara got a good look at them. While Toph's were foggy, like moisture on a window, there was still an eye color there. With Eva, her eyes were completely white, or so fogged that Katara couldn't see the color of her retinas. She looked almost otherworldly like this; there was something intimidating to her that hadn't been there previously.
"Details, girl," Eva said as she went into the kitchen, "Now, please!"
So, as Eva cooked (assuring Katara she knew her own damn kitchen) Katara just talked about everything. The big intermingled with the small. Eva asked a lot of questions. Katara answered all of them. By the time that dinner was done, Katafa felt like she'd just relived the last few moons in excruciating detail.
As they settled at the dinner table, Katara noticed it was set for two usually. But there was only one bedroom, at least as far as Katara had seen.
Before Katara could ask, Eva gave a long sigh, setting her spoon down and staring past Katara.
"Katara, how's your tribe doing?"
Katara's blood went cold. "What? Why? What have you heard?" she demanded, breath increasing.
"No! I didn't mean to worry you, I haven't heard anything. I was asking, I dunno." Eva seemed nervous. She tucked a braid behind her ear, shrugging softly. "Just...asking."
"Oh." Katara blinked, settling back down. "I guess…" Shitty? Like usual? She wasn't sure how to respond.
The door opening saved her from having to answer.
"Eva! I managed to get some fruit at the market today! Maybe some slush for dessert?"
It was a woman's voice.
Oh, Eva has a roommate. How nice. Maybe because she's blind? Katara wondered though Eva seemed totally competent.
A stout woman near Katara's age wearing the most vibrant blue and purple Katara had ever seen on any Water Tribe woman entered the dining area. She had dark skin, darker than Katara's or Eva's, with long black hair that was tied loosely and shiny. Her eyes were a light gray, and part of Katara wondered if she was descended from airbenders. She was beautiful, but she also controlled the room. Where Eva was quiet and mousy, this girl was as colorful as her clothes.
Eva smiled at her and the woman leaned in, kissing Eva on the lips.
Katara blinked, Oh. More than roommates.
"Babe, we have company," Eva laughed as the woman tried to deepen the kiss. The woman turned and her face lit up.
"Oh! Katara! How amazing to finally meet you! Eva has only ever said good things, so I just want you to know I don't believe a slimy word those nasty magazines say about you!" she said, shaking Katara's hand ferociously.
"Hi, erm…"
"Katara, meet Navi...my girlfriend." Eva motioned between them.
There was a long pause, as though Eva was waiting for Katara to say something nasty. Katara didn't care but overall….
"I'm a bit confused," Katara admitted, "Do you like…?"
"Guys, girls, doesn't matter," Eva shrugged. "And no, I didn't know during my time at the Choice. I mean, not actually. I always had huge crushes on girls...oh, geeze, my crush on Yue was huge!" Eva winced. "But I didn't really consider it, you know, a preference."
"She would have absolutely married Zuko if he asked and never looked back," Navi barked out with a toothy grin. "I only like girls, but from the way Eva talks about him, damn, I think I might be in love with him too."
"So is everyone who meets him," Katara had to agree. "Well, I guess, this is fantastic," she said earnestly, joy for her friend filling her, as she had to see each of her close friends - Toph, Ty Lee, and now Eva - find love and affection. Whatever happened with her and Zuko, she sincerely hoped that Suki, Yue, and Alcina would find what they needed as well.
Eva beamed and Navi relaxed. "See," Eva nudged Navi, "Told you!"
"What?" Katara didn't understand.
"Ahm, dessert?" Eva stood. "I'll be right back out."
Navi watched her girlfriend leave, stupidly smiling, "Ah, she's so cute sometimes," Navi said.
"How'd you two meet?" Katara asked, genuinely interested.
"I'm also a Waterbender, though not on her level and not even close to yours!" Navi said in awe. "But good enough that when Eva returned and was starting to heal, I was put with her to make sure she recuperated. And she fell for my loud opinions and battles against the man, you feel?" Navi winked.
"You two have a lot in common!" Eva yelled from the kitchen, "Both always fighting some battle…"
"The world needs changing," Navi shrugged, "And who else is gunna, if not us?"
Katara liked this girl.
When Eva returned with three fruity-snowy mixes, she leaned against the wall, looking unsettled.
"Eva, just ask," Navi whispered.
"Ask me what?" Katara sighed. "Eva, you know I adore you. I'm not going to judge you, so…" Katara couldn't imagine what else there was more than this.
"First, don't tell anyone outside here that we're...you know." Eva furrowed her brow.
"Dating?"
"Hmm. As far as everyone else knows, Navi is still my live-in healthcare assistant," Eva started, playing with one of her braids.
Katara's heart sank for the pair. "They don't...they wouldn't…"
In the South, there just weren't enough people, so it didn't matter. Boy, girl, neither...you could get with anyone and no one would bat an eye. There were so many other issues than what was in between someone's legs.
"No," Navi said bitterly. "And to be honest, it wouldn't be safe if we told."
"Nav," Eva hissed, "Now...don't lie."
"I'm not!" Navi shrugged, but Katara saw a quiet fury beneath her eyes. "People have been mysteriously killed for less! The North is hardly accepting...Pakku only just now takes female students because of Katara, but Great Moon Spirits, they're still exactly as they were 100 years ago!"
Eva turned away, biting back tears, perhaps the truth of it hitting too close to home for her "Does the South...your people...would they...care?" It was a lifeline she was begging for Katara to throw her. Katara could see now how tired she seemed, how exhausting it must be to hide someone you loved. It wasn't sustainable.
"No," Katara reached for Eva's hand, "Not for a second." She thought of the man she assumed was her grandfather; he never told, but not out of fear of persecution, but because he had a larger responsibility he was tied to first. This entire thing reminded her greatly of Gran Gran.
Eva squeezed her hand hard, giving out a long, haggard sigh.
"You can't stay here," Katara said after a second, looking at Navi.
"I know," Navi said quietly. Eva nodded slowly.
"This has been my whole life. My parents were so happy when they found out I was a waterbender. It's hard to imagine giving it all up," she said, but turned to face Navi, "But it's easy when it's for love."
"Right," Katara echoed, thinking of her own situation, and how some part of her felt tied so many other locations still. To her home, to her brother, to the Airbenders, and finally to a million points behind her in past lives, and how she wasn't sure she could sever any of these for Zuko, even though part of her wanted to with a desperation that choked her for a moment. "I'll write a letter for you to take with you, one to my father. Explaining it all. They'll be grateful for a healer there," Katara promised. "They will take you in."
"Thank you, thank you so much, you are blessed," Navi whispered to Katara in their mother tongue, words of prayer on her lips.
"Of course. But I do have a favor…" Katara tilted her head.
"Anything," Eva assured, "What do you need?"
"The Spirit Pool."
XXX
"Okay...everyone's getting ready for the feast, so, you should be okay," Eva said, nervously poking her head around. "I'm glad we're leaving," she said in a quieter tone. It was the last day they were set to be in the Northern Water Tribe. Katara's days had been filled with nostalgia, a bit more free time she used to help make a lesson plan for bloodbending, but mostly just anticipation for this chance to figure some shit out.
"Can't banish someone who's already on their way out," Navi said, unconcerned. She was able to use the Spirit Pool for her job, though this was certainly abusing such power. Well, Katara would argue against that, but semantically she figured that Arnook wasn't going to be happy if he found out.
So he wouldn't be finding out.
"It's hot in here!" Katara fanned herself as they entered through the tiny door. As her eyes adjusted, she noticed how green it all was. She'd never seen snow and grass side-by-side and it was enough to make anyone feel otherworldly. She shed her furs, leaving her in just her bindings.
She felt a sense of gothic dread approaching the pool, something that grasped her stomach and pulled and tugged.
"It's normal to feel like that. Wards off people who accidentally come here," Navi said, noticing her expression. "To visit with the spirits is an experience not all are built to survive."
"Survive?" Katara squeaked, then thought stupid of it. Wasn't she, in some way, a spirit herself?
"She means that your mind can't always…" Eva winced hard. "Not that you'll die. I just...I think you'll be fine, Katara," she assured with a thumbs up.
"You guys will let me know if we're noticed?" Katara asked, sitting down carefully in front of the pool. The moon was reflected in full and beneath it, two koi fish swam in a never-ending circle.
"Of course," Eva said, "Well if I hear something. Noticing isn't a strong suit of mine these days." In another situation, Katara would have laughed, but she could only force an unsettled half-smile.
Katara nodded and tried to settle herself into a meditative trance. She sat for a few minutes but nothing came to her. She could feel the call of the spirits, like they wanted her to explore, but it was just out of her finger's reach.
She looked down at the fish again.
"Water," she murmured to herself. Before either Navi or Eva could react, Katara lowered herself into the pool. Like in her first dream meeting, though she knew she should be wet, this water did not feel wet to her skin at all. It was like she was settling into the air, though she could bend it. Was this how airbenders felt?
"Uhm, that's a choice," Navi said nervously, inappropriate laughter causing Eva to shush her.
"Connection's better," Katara muttered a quick aside but already she could feel her mind pulled to some other dimension. She felt the koi fish circling around her, and like a mantra, they brushed against her exposed skin, around...and around...and arou-
Katara blinked open to find herself still in the spirit pool. But when she stood and turned, Eva and Navi were gone. And the great wall of ice had completely vanished; the entire valley was just...open. Open and filled with colors that Katara had never seen before, animals she didn't think she'd ever known existed, and the essence of spirits ghosting around her, tickling her just so that she'd turn and find nothing there except the twinkle of some half-formed specter with no figure.
She began to walk toward the bright light that called to her, but before she reached it, she stopped, like there was a wall in front of her.
"Stateeee your purpouseeeee…." the wind whispered in her ear, against her being, and she shivered, not from the cold, but from the weight of this world pressing upon her mind. It didn't hurt, as she assumed it would for others, but it was certainly not a fun feeling. She felt that not everyone was supposed to be able to come here like she was. Getting past the proverbial gate was impressive enough for her.
"I'm here to find my past lives," Katara said out loud, as brave as she could manage.
The sense of something pulling her away disappeared and so she took a step forward.
Immediately, she was falling into nothingness, endlessly. It could have been days, years, or mere seconds but eventually, Katara fell onto the grass with a resounding thump and an ache all over.
She scrambled up to darkness and somewhere wholly unfamiliar.
"Hello?" she called, but her voice completely vanished with the air around her. It was like she was voiceless, though she could still call out, but it never carried farther than her own ears. To herself, she even sounded far away, as though her body was one place and her mind was another.
"Painted Lady, where are your remnants?" she called, spinning around, willing her body to walk toward it.
There was a fuzzing on the horizon. As she squinted, she saw a figure running toward her. The hair on her body rose, not with fear, but with anticipation. And her heart, it thudded, a speaking rhythm…
"My love," she, but also not she, spoke.
She blinked to see the Blue Spirit standing in front of her. He was reaching her hand out. Katara wanted to reach for it back, but her limbs were glued to her side.
"My angel, please, take my hand. Come away with me."
Katara felt the anguish, the sadness, the terror, and the resolute feelings deep inside of her. She felt a kinship, an understanding of wanting so badly to say yes to something without being able to, knowing that you could not.
She tried to step back and found herself outside of the scene. The visages of the Painted Lady and the Blue Spirit shimmered and they were two people, two past lives, standing in Earth Nation garb.
"You know I am unable," the Painted Lady whispered, dressed in all her finery. A true princess. The Blue Spirit was dressed in rags.
"We can be-," The Blue Spirit said more, she saw his lips move, but it was a bad connection and she could not hear the rest of it. Similarly, she only got snippets of her former self's reply.
"No, w...ann...t."
She furrowed her brow, wishing she had the full words.
Katara tried to lean more into this memory, intrigued, but found herself falling through the pictures like they were made of dust. They were flickering, like firebugs in the night, in and out of focus.
"I hate you!"
Katara spun to see another pair of half-formed figures fighting to her left, a different life. Her former self was yelling, but she couldn't make out the words. The Blue Spirit was yelling back. As she came closer, their argument began to flow into her ears, though not perfect, still fractured. She was just starting to make sense of their furious words when all around her, she felt the pressure of all her lives snapping up.
She spun and saw every iteration of herself interacting and moving and living and she suddenly felt like the spirit among them, the interloper in this strange world. Pain bolted through her mind like her brain was pressing against her skull, begging to be free, and her limbs pulled her down like she hadn't moved them in years. She felt the memories move through her, cold like ice, causing her chest to clench up. She was drowning; she felt the invisible water in her throat and she started to cough up water. It came out blackened, as dark as a starless night.
She couldn't breathe, this was too much.
"Just tell me what to do," she asked, pleaded, but the memories overtaking her took no notice. She reached for the first pair, hoping to vanish the others, and she could see the memory dangling...the tall trees surrounding her former life's balcony, the sounds of a band floating up from a courtyard, the shimmer on her dress, the mud-stains on the Blue Spirit, the smell of something tropical surrounding her...she was there, she had it in her fingers, she just had to pull herself into the memory. She shoved, ignoring how she kept coughing up water because she just needed a few more seconds-
"Katara! Oh my Tui, Katara!"
Katara gasped for breath, staring up at the sky. The walls of the valley surrounded her once again.
"Katara, I…" Zuko was there, pulling her into a hug, shaking so hard. "You had no pulse. You were dead."
Katara coughed and water, normal water, came from her lips. Her throat and lungs burned and her whole body felt funny like it was waking up from being slept on in a strange way.
"What the hell, guys?" Katara hissed furiously to Eva and Navi, "I was fine!"
"Fine?" Navi repeated, horrified. "F...f...fine? You heard Prince Zuko! You weren't breathing. You sunk under and were inhaling a lot of water."
"We didn't know what to do," Eva said, her cheeks wet with tears. "I felt your spirit grow dim. I didn't know what was happening."
"Well, I almost had-" She bit her tongue, looking at Zuko. "What I was looking for."
She didn't, but she was sure she would have had more information had she been able to dive into that memory. She bristled, embarrassed and upset, and still very confused.
"Plus, it's only been a few minutes so-"
"It's been five hours, Katara," Eva spoke softly, and her revelation shattered Katara's next phrase. Katara shook her head.
"Five hours...no. It hasn't been that long. I've been..it's…" She tried to reconcile this. She would have guessed half an hour at most. "I don't believe it."
"The Spirit World is an enigma. Our minds couldn't possibly understand," Navi said, her expression softening. "What did you manage to do?"
"I don't…" Katara couldn't put it into words. "I'm not sure."
Luckily, they took her expression to perhaps mean she literally couldn't say, not that she didn't want to.
Zuko lifted her up in his arms.
"I can walk."
"I doubt it. You just came back from the dead," Zuko said, holding her close, like he thought she was going to slip away again, "Please."
Katara settled into his grip. "Will they get in trouble that I was back here?"
"No, not if I can help it," he murmured. "Yue is covering, should anyone ask. She is still a friend to you too," he said quietly. Katara's lip quivered, and she nodded in relief. She would hate something awful to befall her friends, even if they were making secret plans to cast off a few days after Katara and the Fire Nation left.
Zuko carried her all the way up to her bed.
"How do you feel?" he asked, fingers running across her knuckles.
"Tired," Katara yawned, "Really tired."
"I suppose that's fair," he nodded. Katara's limbs were heavy and her eyelids sank. She fought to stay awake, not because she had a bad feeling if she were to sleep, but rather she felt like she owed Zuko an explanation for that.
And maybe she was tired of hiding it. Maybe she was half-delusional.
"Zu...ko…"
"Shhh, sleep, please," Zuko kissed her forehead, "I just want you alive. I'm just glad you're okay."
"I need...why I was there….let me tell you," Katara said. Sleep was trying to wrangle her in, but she fought, snapping out of it just to feel the claws sink back into her again.
"We'll have time," he said, a promise. "We will have time for it all."
"But...I…" She couldn't finish her thoughts. Sleep pulled her under the water and she was gone in the place of dreams for all the world for the rest of the night.
XXX
Katara awoke with a start. She was in her own room, and the light from the patio outside dappled her ornate rugs. She reached for some water, padding the side-table beside her, but someone handed her a glass. As her vision cleared, she realized Yue was sitting and watching her, face unreadable.
"I need Zuko, where is he?" Katara said quickly, voice raw. "I need to talk to him."
"You'll have to wait. He's off-continent."
"What?" Katara sputtered, dread filling her stomach. "But...why?"
"It was planned. The trip to the Earth Kingdom." Yue's brows furrowed. "He's not in any danger, Katara."
Katara counted the days in her head. "Did he go...early?" she breathed out cautiously. Yue shook her head. "I've been out for that long, huh?"
Yue looked at her curiously. "Do you not recall? You've been in and out of consciousness for days. Rambling and speaking half-baked thoughts...no one's been able to make sense of it, though it's hardly surprising." Katara blushed at the realization that she had no idea what she'd said nor any idea of the time passing, not since Zuko scooped her up at the Moon Pool. "Katara, how are you alive?"
Katara gave a rickety laugh. "Seems to be a trait of mine. Invincible, sometimes," she said.
Yue's face was firm.
"This isn't a joke. That should have killed you. The time you, a mortal, spent in there should have turned you inside out. But you didn't. You're not...you…" She struggled with her words. "No one else is questioning it, but I know it. The North has been warned of that danger, as we should, as a protector of the bridge between the worlds. You should be dead."
"But I'm not," Katara agreed. She considered it, for a moment, confiding in Yue. But she wanted to keep this a secret and telling Ursa was likely one person too many, outside she and Zuko. She could not. So, she shrugged.
"I guess...I don't know. Luck?"
From Yue's face, it was clear 'luck' was a half-assed answer she didn't believe for a second.
"You're very calm after I just told you you should have died, Katara," Yue whispered, her quiet way of saying she knew Katara was lying. "But I digress. I have another...discussion to have with you."
"Oh?" Katara was unsure what they could have to discuss. They were friends, sure, but this seemed serious. There were a few panic-stricken moments, but she soothed herself that despite it all, Zuko would talk to her personally if something was truly wrong.
Before she could ask about Sokka, Yue inhaled hard and straightened her back.
"Firstly, I thought you should know. Zuko was talking very openly about me being his first choice with my father. No promises were made, but there was quite the thought that this might end with me being chosen. I'm aware enough to know that there must be some reason you're resisting, or else this would all be over, nor am I naive enough to think that he's not wishing for you."
"I-" Katara's lips were dry. "I'm happy for you." She was, honestly. If it was not going to be her, it should be Yue or Suki. It startled her, and it came as a shock that Zuko was looking to the future without her (though she couldn't be sure of how much he was just posturing) but she didn't want to dismiss Yue's honesty entirely.
"I am pleased to hear that. I had a feeling you wouldn't think of me differently if he does propose, and I hope it's soon." Yue blushed. "But I think me and you should talk about Zuko."
Katara sat up against the pillows, growing a tad uneasy. "Erm, what about?"
"Well," She tugged on one of her braids, looking out the patio door, "I had prepared myself to lose as soon as it was clear how much he adored you. I was sure this would have been settled long before, but something...changed. I think we all were expecting that, even Nadhari. No one thought we'd still be here."
"I...well…" Katara was irrationally angry to be called out.
"And then the issues with Toph and Sokka occurred and now everything has a different feeling."
"Yeah," Katara's shoulders sagged, "I guess, yes, it does." And she knew this too. She could feel the change, the public opinion, shoving against her like a violent tide, pushing her under. Was it enough to forgo her hesitations to say yes? She wasn't one to jump foolishly into things, and despite part of her wanting to leap and accept his proposal the moment he returned, she would hate herself more if she accepted on the fear of what might happen, not the promise of what actually was.
"And Zuko, as it is currently, favors me," Yue finished quietly.
Katara knew she was in no position to be distancing friends, but couldn't help the acidic bite. "So are you just telling me you're sorry for moving to the top and dethroning me?"
"No!" Yue's eyes were wide and her response was abrupt. "I know it might be hard for you to see. And as I said, everyone knows he cares deeply for you. I just think that in terms of things...we perhaps may be...neck and neck." Katara stared at her as she inhaled and continued. "We were good friends starting out. I would like us to continue this. I don't want things to turn...ugly, I guess is what I'm saying."
"And you'd want to stop that...how?" Much as she hated the cattiness, it seemed impossible to avoid in discussions of future husbands.
"Honesty. My father always said nothing good came from lies. Transparency, Katara," she said warmly. "I will be one hundred percent honest about Zuko if you will do the same for me."
Katara waffled. She thought, for any other contestant, they may be doing this as a way to learn dirt on her. But with Yue? She sincerely doubted that crossed her mind.
"Would this stay between us?"
"I wouldn't, really!" Yue's eyes were large at the hint of the accusation. "I'm not looking to get to the top due to stabbing another in the back."
Katara paused. She could not be totally completely truthful, but then again, she was going at Yue's promise and bond of this anyway. Who was to say that Yue wasn't shielding some truth too?
"How close are you and Zuko?"
"I believe closer than you may guess. We spent much time in the North together and we've been close since Sokka's Agni Kai. It probably sounds stupid, but I made him a card. I just wanted to show him that I recognized it was hard on him too. He loved it...he said no one else had given him a present like that yet."
Katara felt weird about this admission; part of her wanted to snap up and say 'yeah, well, I was the one he sought out after it!' and part of her was ashamed. She hadn't thought to give him a gift. Then again, maybe that spoke to their separate ideals more. Things, tangible things, were hard to come by, so her gifts were that of her time spent. Of course, to a Prince or a true Princess like Yue, giving things would be the more acceptable practice.
It hadn't even crossed her mind to do that.
"And he had me come and sit in his room and we just talked and-"
"You've seen his room?" Katara couldn't help but blurt, and that special sort of feeling she had about that just fizzled away.
"Well, haven't you?"
Katara bit her tongue; not by any official means, it was always when she shouldn't be there. Yue seemed to take her silence to mean that she hadn't. Should Katara correct her? In the pursuit of true honesty, sure, but maybe it was better not to fess up.
"Oh," Yue looked down, and maybe she was pleased. "It's what you may expect from any other Fire Nation room," she said, downplaying what Katara knew to be an impressive room.
"And you two just…"
"Talked, freely," Yue said, ears reddening. "Nothing like...that. And after that, I found him seeking me out more and more. It seemed to happen fast, but who am I to say?" she said.
Katara didn't know how to feel. Was it true? Had she been so worried about Sokka that she hadn't seen this truth? And maybe that was telling; she had put all her worry and fear and time into Sokka and completely disregarded everything else, to the point of this slipping her notice. Perhaps she would always put her family first and that would make her a poor Fire Lady.
She looked up to see Yue looking at her with a sort of 'your turn now' sort of expression. Katara groaned.
"You sure you want to hear this?"
"Yes!" Yue said, nodding firmly. "I want to know where I stand. And I will answer any questions you have of me. I just want, for once, to take whatever control we have of this. The top two are historically at each other's throats. I don't prefer that narrative, nor will I be pushed this way. I have prepared myself, whatever you say," Yue said earnestly.
Katara drank another glass of water. She wished she could put this off until she knew if Yue was as high up in Zuko's romantic list as she thought, but alas, Zuko would be gone for days. And to rebuff Yue now may lead to issues later. And, after all, was said and done, she liked the reason why Yue wanted to do this.
"He asked me to marry him and I declined, at least, at that time. There's...more to it, things I'm not at liberty to say, things having nothing to do with me directly. If I ever wanted to end things, to say yes or to leave, I have that choice."
She could see the words sink in, and perhaps Yue realized she did not want to know this. "So if you walk up to him tomorrow, he'd end it all?"
"Yes," Katara whispered, looking down. "And I do want him. I just don't know if I want to be the Fire Lady."
"They are a package deal," Yue agreed.
Something stupid but unable to shake tickled Katara's thoughts, "Has he kissed you?"
"No, but not for lack of want. The North is very old-fashioned. Until an official betrothal, no kissing. Just hand-holding."
"Oh," Katara said, trying not to make a face. She wasn't surprised. The North seemed very stilted in terms of emotional encounters.
"But we hold hands and he kisses my cheek. I think it's sweet and I'm unbothered. When we do kiss, it will be that much more special," Yue said in a dreamy sigh. Then, she paused. "I know he's kissed you, but have you two…"
The unspoken question was obvious. "No, but...arg, Yue, are you sure you want to know?" Katara questioned.
"Katara, please, honesty."
"But we would have, if we both hadn't stopped each other at different times, or if things hadn't stopped us. We would have," she whispered. For the life of her, she could not figure out Yue's reaction to that. That girl was a master of shielding her emotions, Katara decided.
"Thank you."
Only Yue would thank her for something like that.
"Katara, can you do something for me?" Yue said after a moment of silence. "If you are going to accept, before you tell him, warn me?" She bit her lip, eyes liquid with tears for a second. "I know how I feel and I love him. And if he's going to choose you, I just want to have a second to prepare," she asked.
She loved him. She'd said it out loud, openly, and Katara for the life of her still couldn't force those words past her lips, unsure if it was the foggy nights that clouded her brain or actuality of truth. She hated to admit she still was not sure.
"I would. I owe you that," Katara said, "And I guess if it goes the other way... if it seems you edge me out…"
"I would of course do the same," Yue promised. "And one more promise, if I could? Let's not get in each other's way, sabotage. I never want to win like that."
"Never," Katara said, not offended she'd think like that, not when so many other girls were this way. "I wouldn't either."
"Okay, then." Yue stood. "Thank you, Katara. I do really hold our friendship dear and hope that won't change."
Katara smiled sadly, thinking of all the people who were out for her head now, and how easily those promises vanished. "Yeah, sure."