Authors Notes: So here is the next installment of Shadows of Doubt. Ya'll surprised me by your very strong responses to last week's post. I was really flattered to be honest, that ya'll took such a strong interest in my story that you were voicing your very strong opinions on if Godric should stay or go. Just so everyone knows, I already had this written up last week so I wasn't influenced by everyone's opinions. Hehe.

Now just a personal note, I wanted everyone to know that this last week has not been a good week for me. First I hurt my back, I have an old injury that I just happened to reinjure. It isn't healing as fast as I would like and it has been hard to sit in my computer chair for any length of time to get some writing done. Heck, I could barely sit in my chair long enough to read Ericizmine's new chapters for Dead Tired and Bored to Death. Then to top it all off I have been having to deal with this funky illness that keeps popping up. No one is really sure what it is, but it wipes me out every time I come down with it. So I am warning all of you right now, I am unsure if I will have next weeks chapters out on time. I do have SoD written up, but have not received the edited version back yet. And I have only gotten about a third of the way through the next chapter of The Dance. We will just have to wait and see how I progress during the week. Right now I have zero energy. Just sitting here trying to think how to express myself in my Authors notes is a HUGE challenge for me.

As always thank you so much to everyone who took the time to review my work. It means the world to me and I look forward to hearing from each of you and your thoughts on this chapter as well.

Much love from the west coast,

Lilli

Chapter 10

***Eric's POV***

I walk slowly behind Godric, my maker, my best friend, the only other being on this Earth besides Sookie that I have ever loved. Every step towards the roof feels weighed down; I could feel the drag of the Earth's gravity begging me to come into its tender embrace. Who am I fooling, it isn't the Earth begging me to crawl into a hole and die. It was, no, it is, the weight of my emotions that are screaming at me, dragging me down.

If my maker decides to do what I think he will do, and if I can't convince him somehow, someway, to not meet the sun, I will be a broken man. I do not want to walk this place without him. Everything would be a pale imitation of what it once was if I, if we all, were robbed of the magnificence that is Godric. He has been so much more to me then just my maker; he has been my entire world for so long. He has filled every role in my life and until Sookie, I never thought I would need anything else. I know, I have Pam, but it isn't the same. She is… well for lack of a better term, she is simply Pam.

I have maybe an hour at most to convince him that what he is planning on doing is just plain moronic. After that, if I couldn't convince him, I would lose him and something within me will be forever broken. I know this. I will never be the same if he is gone.

My distracted thoughts keep me from realizing that we have reached our final destination. Godric comes to a stop at the edge of the roof; he looks out over the city pensively, deeply withdrawn into himself. I have to figure out something, anything, to say in order to convince him that this is not what he really wants. He has so much; I just cannot wrap my brain around why he would want this. Everything seems to be finally falling into place for him. After all these years, after all that was promised to him in the past that is finally coming to fruition, he is choosing to throw it all away.

"Godric, please don't do this," I say to him quietly. I am unsure if Sookie can even hear, my voice is so quiet it is like an exhale of breath.

"Two thousand years is enough," Godric says as he turns and looks at me over his right shoulder, a small smile on his face. He looks so sad and alone, but he isn't alone now, hell he was never alone in the first place. I don't understand this.

"I can't accept this. It's insanity," I say, raising my voice to the point of where I am almost yelling at him. This whole thing is ridiculous. How could he do this? To me? To us?

"Our existence is insanity. We don't belong here," Godric says, his tone still soft, almost condescending, as if he is trying to teach me a valuable lesson as he did in the early days of our time together. As if I am still a small child too stupid, or moronic, to fully grasp the entire situation.

"But we are here!" I scream at him.

Godric shakes his head vehemently. "It's not right. We're not right," he says. What the fuck? Where is this even coming from? When did he loose his grasp on reality? We have always been and always would be;he taught me that.

I thought that I saw some of the old fire in his eyes when I watched him with our Sookie, but maybe he is too far gone to realize what he is doing. I have heard stories over the years, of vampires loosing their will to continue on, but I never thought my maker would be one of them.

"You taught me there is no right or wrong, only survival or death," I say, hoping that his own lessons to me, thrown back into his face, might do him some good. But like a bucket of ice-cold water thrown back at me, he shocks me by laughing lightly. He is fucking pandering to my whims and patronizing me by indulging my anger.

"I told a lie, as it turns out," he says a larger smile on his face than before. That smile makes me see red. I am angry, more angry than I have ever been in my entire existence. How dare he? I know that he is older than me, but he is very small in physical stature compared to me. I will drag him off this roof kicking and screaming the entire way if I have to. No, not screaming. I would have to prevent him from speaking somehow. It would do no good to have him pulling the 'As your maker I command you,' card.

I narrow my eyes at him and practically spit my threat out at him. "I will keep you alive by force."

His smile fades, and I watch a look of disappoint seep into his face, one small line at a time as he frowns at me. "Even if you could why would you be so cruel?" he asks.

"Cruel? I am cruel? You ask me how I can be so cruel? All the while you threaten suicide. How could you do this? How dare you do this?" I feel a sharp pain in my heart and I have the passing thought that this must be what it feels like to be staked. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest and that there is a heavy weight preventing me from breathing, even though I didn't need breathe. I feel like I will choke and die, if I can't get just one good breath. I realize that this must be what panic feels like. It has been so long since I have felt it that I have forgotten.

I take a step closer to him; we are so close that if either of us took a deep breath we would be pressed against each other. "Godric don't do it, please," I beg. I am at my wits end as to how I can convince him that this is foolishness.

He reaches up and cups my cheek, rubbing his thumb idly back and forth across my jaw. "There are centuries of faith and love between us," he says softly. I know this is his way of saying that we would always have this, that I would always have the memories of our time together, to see me through the inevitable heartbreak that will ensue after his loss.

"Please… please," I beg falling to my knees. I feel the rough cement splitting open my knees as I hit the ground, but I don't care. I can't let him do this. "Please Godric," I beg as I clutch at his small waist and burry my face there, willing him to stay. I felt the icy cold streaks of fire burn my cheeks, my nose, my jaw, and I know that I am crying, but I don't care. Maybe, just maybe, showing him these emotions, showing him how much I love him, how much I care, how I still have that bit of humanity, we all try so desperately to suppress, will convince him to stay.

"Father, brother, son, best friend, confidant, lover, let me go. I will always be there for you here," he says as he places his hand on my heart, "and here," he says touching the side of my head.

No, no no no no no no, he can't do this! I can't live in this world without him. I refuse to live here without him and I won't ever leave his side. "I won't let you die alone," I say firmly, making up my mind. If he is going to leave this world, I am going with him. I can't and won't endure it without him.

He sighs softly and shakes his head. "Yes you will Eric. I am sorry. I love you," he says and brushes his lips softly against mine. He pulls back, looks me in the eyes, and says, "As your maker I command you, to leave me here and to live."

I feel the magical force of his command wrap around me and pull me to my feet, slowly pulling me backwards away from him. I reach towards him and he steps out of my grasp. "No!" I cry out, but he just shakes his head softly and turns away. I could feel his command still pulling me backwards away from him, and I try to fight it, even though I know it is a losing battle.

Sookie takes both of my hands into hers as I reach her. She must have been standing by the entrance into the building the entire time, silently watching the two of us say our goodbyes. "I'll stay with him as long as it takes," she promises and then kisses my tears away, but I knew there would be more tears. I know in my heart that even if the tears stopped on the outside, I would forever be crying over the loss of my maker, over the tragedy that had befallen the world on this day.

I nod once at her, grateful that at least he will have some comfort from her in his final moments. I slowly walk backwards to the exit, never taking my eyes off of Godric. I could just see the sky starting to lighten and turn pink. Soon, it would be soon, maybe twenty minutes. I finally take that last step off the roof and away from him. I know this will be the last time I ever see my maker and something within me breaks.

***Sookie's POV***

Trudging behind Eric and Godric up the stairs and out onto the roof is no small task. Even though it is apparent that they are both taking their time to get to their final destination, they both still move quickly enough that I have to leg it double time in order to keep up. They both are quite a bit taller than me, and them moving at a quickened pace was just natural for them, I suppose.

I had been elated by the verdict that Nan had laid down for me, for us. It meant that Eric, Godric, and I would all be going into our partnership on even ground. We were all giving something up in order to stay together.

Something though was clearly off. Godric didn't appear happy that I would be staying with him; in fact I got the feeling that he was very discontent at the moment. Eric's reaction, of course was similar to mine, at least until Godric made his little spiel about making up for the injustices he had done, or something along that line. Once he had said that Eric looked like someone had walked over his grave, or maybe shoved a sharp, pointy, wooden object into his chest, would be a better analogy. All the color, not that he had a lot of it in the first place, had drained from his face. Something is really wrong and I just am not seeing what that something is.

I am confused to say the least. I know that something is just wrong with this situation and the more I ponder what is going on the more my head hurts from the effort. We make our way up, up, and up further until we emerged through a large set of heavy fire doors onto the roof. I watch as Godric looks out over the sprawling metropolis and suddenly everything just clicks into place. Well fuck me. I can't believe he would even consider something like this.

Godric is actually considering meeting the sun. Not just considering, but actually preparing to do it. I mean, the very idea is unbelievable. Sure, Nan had said that he was going to meet the sun willingly while he was in the custody of the FotS, but I had thought for sure things were different now. I thought that having both Eric and I in his life would be enough of a difference to make him see that life is worth living.

I watch in tortured silence as Eric begs, pleads, reasons, and screams with and at Godric to not do something so moronic. I couldn't believe what I am seeing, for one I have never seen Eric so… devastated. For another, Godric seems to be a completely different person in this moment. He is depressed and suicidal just like any person who has issues. I know that vampires are not all that different from humans but I mean really, have you ever heard of a depressed, suicidal vampire before? I thought not.

I feel like I am intruding on a very personal moment between them. Well, I guess it is very personal. Godric is saying goodbye to his child, his best friend, before he willingly chooses to die. I cannot even begin to process what this means. At the moment all I can think about is Eric and the obvious pain that Godric is inflicting upon him with his selfish act.

In a last ditch effort to persuade Godric not to meet the sun, Eric tells him that he will go with him. At least I hope that he is just trying to persuade Godric and not really considering it, but the longer I watch Eric suffer with his maker's decision, the more I realize that he is dead serious. I feel the panic of losing both of them rise within me and I feel like I am going to puke from it. The sheer terror of loosing either of them is hard enough, but to lose them both, hell I might as well join them. I know that I would be a broken shell of my former self if I lost them.

The very idea of that is kind of crazy to me though. If I am being perfectly honest with myself, and if I can't be honest with myself in my own thoughts then there is something seriously wrong, I haven't had the idea of being a couple, or a threesome would be a more appropriate term, with them for very long, but I somehow instinctually know that we belong together. Not just Eric and I, not just Godric and I, but all three of us, together, an unstoppable united force.

Godric glances over to me, where I stand frozen in place, panic at the thought of losing both of my men coursing through my veins, slowly eating me alive from the inside out like battery acid. He smiles softly at me and looks back to Eric and says, "As your maker I command you, to leave me here and to live." A small weight eases from my chest, and the panic recedes slightly. I take huge gasping breaths, the panic having been so great that I was unable to breath and I didn't even realized it.

My heart is still breaking though, as I watch helplessly as poor Eric is dragged backwards towards the entrance of the hotel, as if some large string was attached at his waist and pulling him inside. When he finally reaches me, I take his large hands into my own, rubbing small circles into his palms, trying desperately to bring him any comfort that I can in this comfortless moment.

"I'll stay with him as long as it takes," I promise him. He barely nods his head in understanding, as another torrent of tears flood his broken features. I stand on my tiptoes and softly kiss his pain away, like a mother with a small child who has just been wounded.

"Go on love, I will be down as soon as I can, I will meet you in your room." He nods again and turns away from me, from Godric, from the pain, and walks into the dark, gaping mouth of the heavy fire doors. I take a deep breath and face what is to come, Godric and his possible death. The real question is, do I try to stop him, or do I allow him to meet his end in the way he chooses? After all he is right about one thing, two thousand years is a really long time. After all those years he should be able to choose the manner of his death. Yet, all life is precious and should not be taken for granted, even if you are a vampire, you still have life.

I take a hesitant step towards him, my thoughts spinning like cyclones through my brain. I am so unsure of what to do, how to proceed. "It won't take long, not at my age," he says to me softly, refusing to look back at me. He studies the sprawling metropolis as if he had has never seen it before, and perhaps he never has, not in this light, perhaps in all his years he has never pushed it this close. Or maybe he is just being sullen and introspective, in what could be his final minutes on this Earth.

"You know it wasn't very smart, the Fellowship of the Sun part," I say to him, almost snappishly. After all he did almost get me killed with his stupid plan. Well almost killed and almost raped. Well, almost killed, almost raped, and then almost blown up. All for what? I still don't understand that.

"I know, I thought it might fix everything somehow, but I don't think like a vampire anymore," he says, finally turning and looking at me, a solemn look spread across his features.

"What did you think it would fix Godric? I mean, how does volunteering yourself to be sacrificed fix anything? It just seems like stupidity," I snap at him.

"Hmm… I hoped that the humans would stop seeing us as monsters if they saw that I was a willing sacrifice to their cause. I hoped that perhaps my own people would start treating humans with more respect at seeing the lengths they would go to in order to prove a point. I hoped that by me giving myself to them, the hatred and the violence would stop between us. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I had the best intentions."

I roll my eyes at him and shake my head. Sure I can understand his logic and yet his argument is completely irrational. "You know what they say about good intentions don't you Godric?"

He raises an eyebrow at me inquisitively. "No little one, what do they say about good intentions?"

"That good intentions pave the way to hell," I tell him and put as much sass into the old adage as I can, and place a hand on my hip just for extra emphasis.

He chuckles lightly at me, and oh how my chest aches at the sight of that smile, just the thought that I will never see it again hurts more than I can say. I feel like he is doing the Mexican hat dance on my chest, with this bullshit he is pulling. His face turns solemn again and he glances over his shoulder and looks out over the city. "Do you believe in God?"

Well that wasn't what I expected at all, not coming from him, and most certainly not coming from a vampire. I suppose though that anyone in their final hour would be thinking about God and if they had lived a good enough life. "Yes," I say softly.

"If you're right, how will he punish me?" he asks, his voice quivering in fear. I can't believe it, real fear. Hot tears begin to stream down my face and my hands begin to tremble. He is really going to do this.

"God doesn't punish, God forgives," I tell him; this one simple truth has been instilled in me for as long as I can remember. God forgives all, as long as you ask to be forgiven and truly want to be forgiven.

"I don't deserve it," he says sadly, "but I hope for it."

"We all do."

We stand together for a moment, looking out over the city in silence. I walk up beside him and take his hand in mine. He looks from my hand to my face and says, "You will care for him? Eric I mean."

"How could you even ask me that?" I snap at him, my anger at the stupidity of his question, my anger at his stupidity for wanting to kill himself, my anger at everything that has happened over the last several days pouring out in that one sentence.

"I am sorry little one. I didn't mean to offend you," he says raising his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"Of course I will care for him," I say, as I try to make my voice soft and loving again, "but you know how he is." A wry smile spreads across my face and he mirrors the image perfectly.

"I can take the blame for that too," he says shaking his head in amusement.

"Maybe not, Eric's pretty much himself," I laugh lightly. He nods his head in agreement, if anything can be said about Eric Northman it is that he is never afraid to make himself known and do whatever he desired. He simply is himself all the time and doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks about it.

The horizon is starting to get lighter now, and I know that I have maybe ten, fifteen minutes tops, before the sun comes and takes him away from me. My heart starts to pound painfully in my chest, every beat hits my ribs so hard that it feels as if it is about to jump right out. Suddenly my face is on fire, with the scolding hot tears that are pouring from my eyes, and I realizeI could really loose him.

Godric turns to me, a small smile at the corner of his mouth; he places his hand to my cheek and rubs his thumb underneath my eye, trying to take my tears from me. "A human with me at the end, and human tears. Two thousand years and I can still be surprised. In this I see God. I love you little one, remember that every day, every moment. I love you and try to remind Eric of the same. I love you both more than I have words for."

With this simple declaration of love, something inside me snaps and I lash out. I have never been one to pick a fight, and I definitely, if I had been in my right mind in that moment, would never pick a fight with a two thousand year old vampire. Although that is exactly what I do, I snap and start pummeling him with my fists, hitting his chest, his belly, his beautiful face, all the while sobbing and screaming at him, in non-coherent words, which are really just strangled sobs.

"Sookie, stop it, please stop," he begs me, but I don't listen, I just keep pounding and pounding at his granite like chest, taking out all of my pain and frustration of this situation out on the one who deserves it most. After all he is the reason I am feeling this way, he deserves to feel the pain just as intensely as I do. Even if my blows really aren't making much of a difference to him, even if they aren't really hurting him, he deserves to feel every last ounce of my pain.

I thrash at him wildly, my hair whipping into my eyes, and sticking to my face. I feel wild and unbridled in this moment, trying to make him feel all the hurt that I have bottled up inside of me. "Please," he begs, a sob breaking from his throat as he grabs my biceps in his hands, trying to be gentle, yet at the same time trying to shake some kind of sense into me.

"Please just stop," he begs again, and pulls me into his chest, and just as suddenly as it started, the wild loss of control stops, and all of my energy drains from me. My body goes slack in his arms and we fall to our knees, locked in an embrace. "Please no more little one, no more. I can't bear to see you like this," he says, brushing the hair out of my eyes.

I look deeply into those dark chocolate, limpid pools of fire and I feel my anger rise again. "How dare you?" I say and slap him roughly across his face. His jaw drops clearly shocked at my sudden action. I can feel my tears beginning again, but this time I don't care, I wipe them away furiously and slap him as hard as I can again. "HOW DARE YOU? YOU… YOU… YOU FUCKING PUSSY!"

"SOOKIE!" he exclaims, clearly offended by my language and my harsh tone.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Don't you Sookie me, you cold-hearted bastard. I can say whatever I want to. Especially if it is true. HOW DARE YOU?" I slap him again.

"Sookie, I don't understand, how dare I what?" he asks, shaking his head and I can't help but let out a cold, harsh laugh at his ignorance.

"How dare you pretend to care! How dare you say that you love me! How dare you make love to me! How dare you save me only to turn around and abandon me! How dare you preach your precious ideals, yet do nothing to change things for the better! How dare you make me care for you and then break my heart! How dare you even contemplate such a stupid, selfish, act as killing yourself! You say you want things to be better and yet your great idea to change the world is to take yourself out of it! You're just too scared to try. So I call it like I see it, you are a PUSSY!"

I narrow my eyes at him ready to strike the final blow. "You're no better than Bill, a spineless, worthless, egotistical jerk, who cares about nobody but himself." I rip myself out of his arms and stand up, taking a step back and away from him. "Why would you do it Godric? Why would you make me love you, start a bond with me, only to turn around and kill yourself? How could you be so selfish, how could you do this to me, to Eric? We are both going to be devastated after your little act of cowardice. But you don't really care do you, because you won't be here to see it."

He continues looking down at the pavement beneath his knees, clearly disturbed by my harsh words. I don't care though; he should be ashamed. "You cold, arrogant, pigheaded, contemptuous, cowardly, fucking…" but before I can finish Godric leaps to his feet, grabs me by my arms, and shakes me slightly.

"That is quite enough." I struggle against him, trying to shake him off of me, to no avail. "Are you finished belittling me?"

"NO!" I spit venomously. "You deserve it. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. Oh wait, that is exactly what you are going to do. You are choosing the easy way out and FUCKING KILLING YOURSELF! It isn't my fault you can't handle the truth."

Then Godric did something I would never have expected in this moment of anger. I expect yelling, screaming, hell even physically lashing out at me for my daring to speak to him in such a way, but no, what does he go and do? He leans forward and kisses me for all he is worth, pressing his mouth roughly against mine so hard that I know they will be bruised. He shoves his tongue between my lips and greedily sweeps it across the roof of my mouth; there is no doubt in my mind while embraced in this kiss who is in charge here, and it isn't me.

I melt against him and he slowly pulls back, and looks lovingly down on me, brushing my mussed hair out of my eyes and stroking my face. I feel my tears leap back into my eyes and I say, "Please don't do it Godric, please. I love you, don't do this."

"Sshh little one, I know, I know, you're right, I was choosing the coward's way out of the situation. I won't leave you, I promise, I won't leave either of you, ever, I swear." He squeezes me gently against his chest, emphasizing his point. "Come on," he says kissing my nose, "let's go tell Eric and get away from the quickly approaching dawn. Unless you want us both to become bar-b-que?"

"No," I giggle and shake my head lightly.

"Then come." He smiles and nods his head towards the door.

We make our way back through the fire doors, down the winding stair case that seems to go on forever, through the large door that leads to the correct floor that Eric's suite is on, down the dimly lit hallways, until finally we stop in front of the large, black, double doors that lead to Eric's room. The door is slightly ajar, and I can hear loud crashes coming from inside the room. It seems as if Eric is trying to break every single thing breakable within the suite because of his ire.

Godric and I step silently into the room and I look around shocked at the sight that lay before me. Apparently I was right in my estimation; Eric really is breaking everything breakable in the suite. The television is torn from the wall leaving a big gaping hole with pitiful wires dangling from it, and the television had come to rest across the room against the large bank of mirrors that made up the mini-bar. The mirrors, are of course, shattered into millions of tiny pieces, so that there are little reflections of my shocked face scattered throughout the room. The couch is over turned and torn in two, same with the love seat. The coffee table has been tossed through the glass screen that makes up the fireplace and both of the end tables are smashed against opposite walls. The lamps, being made of metal, fortunately weren't smashed, but they are imbedded deeply into the dry wall, their shades shredded into pieces on the floor beneath them.

Eric stood, clearly panting, against the large embankment of windows across from us. Eric panting amused me because who would of thunk, that vampires would pant when they are upset? It isn't like they get winded or anything. He faces away from me, his forehead is pressed firmly into the glass, and he softly pounding his fist over and over again into the bullet and lightproof windows. "Eric," I say softly.

His whole body jumps in surprise, he must have been so distracted by his irritation that he didn't hear us enter the room. "Sookie, what are you doing down here? You promised to stay with him. You swore to me you would stand by his side until the end. You prom…" but whatever else he is going to say died on his lips when he turns to face me. He gapes openly not only at me, but also Godric who is at my side.

Eric falls to his knees and lets out a strangled cry. "You're… you're… how?"

Godric smiles at him and pulls us across the room and down onto the floor, the both of us taking Eric into our arms, cradling him, stroking him, trying to soothe away his pain. Eric buries his head in-between our chests and sniffles. "Let's just say, our little Sookie knocked some sense into me. She can be very persuasive when she gets an idea into her head." Godric kisses the top of Eric's head softly, tenderly, trying to show his love and sorrow for having put him through all of this unnecessary pain.

Eric looks up at me and says, "Thank you my love, you have no idea…" he brushes his lips softly against mine in silent thanks.

When he pulls away, I cup his cheek and say, "Oh I think I have a pretty good clue as to what it means, for all of us." Eric and Godric both chuckle softly at me, and we squeeze each other tightly. All three of us just thankful that we are here, we are alive, we are together, we are in love, and most importantly we are happy in each other's arms and lives.

"Come little one's let's go and get into bed, before the sun comes. I do not relish the thought of Sookie having to try and drag our hides through this debris and into the bed," Godric says softly, squeezing us.

Eric and I both just nod in agreement and follow him into the bedroom. All of us striping down bare, and mimicking our cuddling routine from the night before, wrapping ourselves around each other. "No hanky panky tonight boys, it has been too long of a night," I say.

"Aww lover you ruin all the fun," Eric says.

"Oh stop it, it isn't like we even have time for you to do much of anything. Besides we will have lots of time in the future."

"Is that a challenge?" Eric says raising an eyebrow at me. "There is always enough time for a little fun."

"Pisshhh," I say slapping Eric's arm.

"I hate to agree with him, but there is always time for a fun little one," Godric chuckles and kisses my shoulder softly.

"Not you too," I groan. "Stop it both of you, or no whoopee with Sookie for quite some time." They both just laugh at me and squeeze me tightly. "Goodnight, I love you."

"We love you too," they say in unison and I laugh. I gently fall asleep knowing that all is right with the world. Bill is gone, for now at least, back home to Louisiana and his stupid queen. Godric, Eric, and I all get to live in the same state together, although what we were going to be doing is a little confusing, but we would figure that out later. Godric is alive and he wouldn't be leaving us any time soon. Yep, everything is right in the world, and I most certainly am going to enjoy it while it lasts.