Chapter One

Part 1: Memories

She hadn't come up to bed that night. It had been two weeks now that she had not. And the thing was, he was thankful for that. He couldn't be near her anymore. He was too angry .She knew it too and that's why she had kept her distance for so long. But he knew her better than to think it would last. At one point she was going to get tired and confront him about their problem and he wasn't sure what he would do then.

He had come at the hospital earlier than usual that day. He had a difficult operation to do and he wanted to make sure he was ready for it. The fact that he got to spend less time with his wife at the trailer was just an added bonus.

He sat down at a desk and opened his book. That's when he saw her, Meredith. Now that fact wasn't usual. He always noticed when she was around. He used to think that even if she was lost in a crow, he would somehow be able to tell where she was. No, what was unusual was the fact that she was smiling, laughing even, at something that Mark said. Derek felt as if someone had slapped him. There she was talking to the man who destroyed Derek's marriage. And worst, she seemed to enjoy it.

That scene was only too familiar to him. He had seen it take place almost two years ago, but with a different woman whom he also loved. He had just been coming back from a surgery when he saw them. They were talking in hushed tone. Addison had that smile on, the one she wore when she was eating a Hershey bar, one of her guilty pleasure. He hadn't taken much attention to it then. It was only a week afterward, when he had found her in bed with his best friend, that he had wondered. He had wondered if it was the first time or if it happened before and that he had been too busy to notice the signs.

"Dr. Sheperd", a nurse interrupted is thoughts "Dr. Bailey asked for you in room 229." "Tell her I'll be there in moment."

The nurse nodded and went away. He had better hurry if he didn't want to make Bailey angrier than usual.

Part 2: Guilt

It had been 5 days 3 hours and 37 minutes since she betrayed a friend. 5 days 3 hours and 37 minutes since she felt like a traitor. 5 days 3 hours and 37 minutes since she started dating Mark Sloan, but who was counting. She hadn't plan on it happening. It just did. But somehow it did not make her feel better.

They had decided to go eat lunch together at a place they both discovered they loved. They were just supposed to talk and that's all they did. The next day she saw him at Joe's and they both got drunk talking about the two persons they had in common, the two persons who made them this way. They had walked to her apartment and she didn't exactly remembered what happened, but she somehow woke up next to him. She of course panicked. She didn't want to hurt Derek this way. Mark assured her that nothing had happen. She believed him and decided never to think of it again. That's why she refused him when he asked her out that same day.

It must be said that she kept her resolve fairly well even if she was finding herself more and more attracted to him each day. And she would have kept it if it wasn't for Addison. Of course Addison was completely unaware of what she had caused. She had been walking toward the elevator when she found herself in front of Derek.

"Hi", had she said. Derek simply mumbled something that sounded like "Hi" and started walking away when Addison stopped him.

"How long are you gonna do this?"

"Do what?"

"You know very well what."

"Not here, Addison."

"Where then?"

"Home."

Home, one simple word that he said carelessly, but that meant so much to Meredith. They meant that he considered that they shared a life, a home. They meant that he considered that Addison was where she belonged, home. That shouldn't have shocked her. After all, they were married. But it suddenly down on her that they probably would be forever. That she would never have that McLife she so desperately wanted with Derek. Someone else had it and she would never give it back.

She really needed to move on. Not to piss him off or to hurt him back, but for herself. That's why when Mark asked her out again as a joke she accepted. Because this had nothing to do with McDreamie. It was her life and she had the right to spend it with someone who could understand her and love her like he could not. And she had the belief that that person could very well be Mark. That didn't stop her from feeling like a traitor thought or from not wanting Derek to find out.

She had a lot of charts to do that day and she had only done half of them when the Dr. Sloan gave her a more than welcome distraction.

"Hey. I'll come and pick you up tonight at 7." he just said.

"What if I had plans?"

"Plans more interesting than me? Come on be realistic. And could you answer the door this time? Your roommates are rather strange."

"What did they do?"

"Well the girl nothing, but the guy gave me a very long speech on how he didn't trust me, that I better be careful because he's always watching me. No offense, but I thought I was done with that when I got out of High school."

"Oh George!" she said with a laugh "Don't worry I'll talk to him."

"Oh, I never worry. I'll see you tonight. Wear your black dress. You look good in it." And with that he left. She continued doing charts afterward, but this time with a smile on her face. This couldn't be good.