Chapter 8

Part 1: Noble feelings

Derek and Addison were separated. It was all over the hospital. All the nurses were harboring fake pity smile while telling the news to their coworker.

Everyone seemed to be staring at her and Meredith was sick of it. They seemed to think that she was to be held responsible for breaking the McCouple. They all waited for her to make some sort of faux pas so that they would be the first to know what really happened between the Shepard.

She didn't know anymore than them and she didn't care. Really, she didn't. She couldn't care less about what happened to Derek's love life. She was sorry for him. She was. She did not want him to suffer through a divorce. It was true that there was a time when she did, but things were different now. She had Mark now, Mark, who was a wonderful man who she could see a future with and who could see a future with her, unlike Derek. She wasn't bitter. Truly, she wasn't. At least, that's what she told herself, when Cristina told her the news.

"So, Satan left McDreamy? What happened? He told her he was in love with you?" Cristina had said jokingly, but she soon saw the change in complexion in Meredith. "You didn't know?"

"No, I didn't. So, what? It's not like it concern me." Meredith had snapped.

"Doesn't it?"

No, it didn't. She was over Derek and she wished for him to be happy. She hoped that thing would work out between him and Addison if she made him so. Seriously! She wasn't the slightest bit curious about the reasons that made this happen to them. It couldn't concern her anymore.

That's why when she passed him in the hallway; she stopped to tell him this.

"Derek," she had said.

"Meredith," he had answered, seeming surprise that she was talking to him.

"I heard about you and Addison and I wanted you to know that I am sorry and that I hope that it will all work out."

"Are you? Sorry, I mean."

"Yes, of course."

"Oh," he paused at this. "Well, thank you, but I don't think there's anything left to fix."

She gave him her best sad smile and continued walking. She felt him staring at her as she walked, burning a hole in her head, but she did not turn around.

She felt what she had said was quite noble and she felt that way. Really, she did.

Part 2: Grief

Derek was driving down the road to his trailer, but his mind was else where. A week had passed, and Derek was still to make a move to save his marriage. Deep down, he knew he wouldn't go see Addison. It had been over for a while now and he had to start accepting it. He hadn't seen Addison at the hospital. She was probably avoiding him.

If there was one thing Derek hated the most it was failing or maybe seeing Meredith smile for a man that wasn't him.

Maybe he could accept that his relationship with Addison was over if he didn't know that Meredith Grey didn't care. She had said she was sorry. In all frankness he hadn't expected that nor did he want her to feel that way. He hadn't though she would fall into his arms and confessed her undying love for him, but he had expected a reaction from her, any reaction. He hadn't though she would be sorry or sad for him.

He was pathetic. His marriage had just ended and all he could think about was the girl he hadn't chose, the one that begged him to pick her and love her, but that he still hadn't chose. In fact, she was all he could think about since he was with Addison. Every time he lied in bed at night next to his wife, he tried to remember the smell of her, with her lavender hair sprayed against his chest.

Now, it was too late. She was with Mark, the man he loathed the most, but now for a different woman, the woman he hadn't chose. She was happy with him. He made her smile. Derek used to make her smile. He wondered if she loved Mark or if she would end up loving him. That simple though hurted more than seeing his wife in bed with that same man. What was he supposed to do? Especially now, that he didn't have Addison as a shield against them.

Part 3: Fantasy

Mark and her hadn't discuss Addison and Derek's divorce. They both knew the other knew too, but they both silently agreed that it was for the best if they didn't talk about it. They both acted like nothing had changed and to everyone around them nothing had. He still brought her a coffee every day, they continued dating and the date still didn't end before the morning, but something was different. Something indescribable was gone. Some might say it was that desperate need for someone and understanding that had left when Addison did. Other might think it was the fire of that sweet revenge, but whatever it was was no longer there.

She hadn't talked to Derek since she told him she was sorry. Well at least she had not talked to him in person. In her head, they had had many conversations. Some of them she was ashamed of. Some of them she was proud.

Most of the one she wasn't proud of took place in her room in the dead of night. She always was woken up by Derek incessant knocking on her front door. She opened the door in her Dartmouth T-shirt and a pair of matching pants to find him in tears. First she was kind and asked him what was wrong and then Derek suddenly grabbed her and kissed her with such a passion that made her weak in the knee. Of course when she realized what was happening she pushed him back and yelled at him in a most fierce and noble way that it was too late and that she had moved on.

Derek then proceeded to explain how much he was miserable without her and how his jealousy of Mark had made him realize how passionately he loved her. That was the reason why he ended things with Addison. He loved her to much to be with anyone else. He then got down on one knee and begged her to choose him, to pick him and to love him.

She then forced him to get up and slapped him before kissing him with an equal passion. That kissed leaded to an other who lead to an other that lead to more.

She couldn't look at herself in the mirror after having such fantasies. She was truly pathetic if she was ready to sacrifice a man who treated her with respect for one who left her after lying to her about having a wife. Why couldn't she just stop loving him like that? It's not like he loved her or at least not as much as she loved him. He had picked his adulteress wife over her after all. She could not make the same mistake he did. She was above that. Right?