Chapter 9

Part 1: Last time

When Derek opened the door to his trailer, he found something was different. He could not tell what exactly or how he knew it, but he felt that Addison had been here. She had probably looked at his schedule and had taken advantage of his afternoon surgery to sneak up in there and pack the rest of her belongings.

Derek felt guilty of the relief he felt at the idea of not having to face her after what took place in this trailer two weeks ago. No matter what she did in the past it was his love for an other woman that had ended their marriage.

As he walked toward the closet to see what she had taken with her, he saw a bunch of papers on the counter and stopped to look at them. Maybe had she left a note? When he looked more closely Derek saw that they were divorce papers. Addison's name was written on them in her perfectly round hand writing.

The law wanted them to be separated for a year before they would be recognize as divorced, but he already felt like they had been divorced for years and just refuse to admit it.

Derek took out a pen from one of the drawers and signed his name next to Addison's for what would be the last time. After he ended his marriage, he hoped that he would be able to look back at it some day and be able to remember all of their good memories. He at least owned them that.

Part 2: Silent understanding

Meredith sat at one of the cafeteria table flipping through a wedding magazine looking for her bride's maid outfit. Cristina was having a hard time organizing everything. At first, she had gladly accepted Burke's mother offer to take care of everything, thinking that this would be the best way to avoid the subject, but she soon found out that Mrs. Burke share one to many taste in common with Martha Stewart.

If she did not handle the whole thing herself Cristina would find herself at Izzie's wedding. There was no way that she would get married in such a fashion. She would die before anyone saw her in a puffy white dress surrounded by a bunch of flower and anything made out of papier piend. As a matter of fact anything with a French name was strictly forbidden.

It was going to be simple with none of that romantic stuff that made her want to be sick. She had assigned Meredith to pick her own dress since she was the only one she trusted to stay sane.

Meredith soon saw that the magazine she was looking at was getting her no where. All the dresses in it were ridiculous and would make Cristina cringe. She looked up long enough from it to see Derek sitting at an other table, alone and frowning at his sandwich.

She looked at him for a moment not sure of what to do before she picked up her tray and sat down at his table. She did not say anything. She just sat there and continued eating in silence. Derek finally looked up to smile at her. She smiled back. No words were needed. Derek knew this did not mean everything was fine between them or that they ever would be, but for now she was there for him, making sure he was okay.

At that exact moment, Derek knew he had been wrong to choose Addison because at that moment he saw who he had left behind. He saw Meredith for who she really was for the very first time. Someone not at all perfect, but someone who would have been there no matter what, someone that would never have judged him, someone that he could never have anymore. Not as a friend, not as a wife, not as anything. With time, they would become stranger to each other. She would get married and have children and maybe move somewhere where she would be offered a better position.

All his anger washed away to be replaced with a feeling of pure and irreplaceable lost. He had lost her not because of Mark like he had told himself so many times or because of Addison, but because of his own stupidity. He had not known true love when it begged him to come back and now it had went on without him.

She could be happy with someone else. He had not realized that before. Her pagers went off and she left without a goodbye or a glance in his direction and Derek felt all the pain Meredith had felt.

Part 3: Visions

Meredith and George had been at Joe's for fifteen minutes, but neither of them had said anything. Meredith was afraid that if she started talking they would end up discussing McDreamy and she was not ready to and George was trying to work up the courage to bring up that particular subject.

"So…" George trailed off.

Meredith turned her head in his direction which only served to make him more nervous.

"It's quite." George added.

"Hmm?" was Meredith only answer.

"The bar. I mean the bar is quite. Joe's is quite, you know. Not that it is not usually, but you know it is good because I like quite. Make it easier to concentrate and all." George swallowed with difficulty feeling like the worse idiot that ever was.

Meredith just gave him a sad smile.

"So, I heard the Dr. Shepard just got divorce. You know if you ever feel the need to talk…" George said, but Meredith did not hear him. She was too surprised to see her boyfriend, Mark Sloan sitting at a table with a defeat look on his face.

"George, will you excuse me? I have to talk to someone." Meredith said getting up.

"Oh! Of course, I'll just wait here." George said blushing furiously at his own embarrassment.

"Great!" Meredith carelessly answered. She walked toward Mark, but then though better of it and went back to George. She had a pretty good idea what his defeated look was about and she was not ready to discuss that either.

"Hey! That went fast. Who were you talking to?"

"No one. I though I saw someone, but I was wrong."

She was now not only lying to herself, but to her friends as well. She was getting deeper and deeper into the denial ocean and if she did not stop soon she would drown in it.

Part 4: Wisdom

Derek was sitting at the roof top of a ferryboat. As he once told Meredith he loved ferryboats. Meredith. Why did everything come back to her? She was the reason he was seating here in the first place.

It was becoming too much for him. She acted like he was a complete stranger, like they didn't almost share a future together. She still called him Dr. Shepard and never once mentioned his divorce again. It was like she didn't care. If it was only that she did not talk to him about his divorce. He would be shouting from joy if she even addressed him to talk about something not related to their work.

Derek knew it was his fault all to well, but knowing that didn't help when he had to watch her drink the coffee Mark brought her every morning. Her indifference for him was tearing him apart, but his jealousy for his former best friend was achieving what her indifference had wanted to do. It was killing him.

He now knew how Mark must have felt when he saw him already married to the woman of his dream. That did not make in any case his act more forgivable, but it made what Derek wanted to do so.

Derek knew now what he was supposed to do. He had to get Meredith back at any price. He was ready to let her walk all over his pride if he had to, but he had learned his lesson and he wasn't letting her without a fight. She was too precious for that. How could he had been so stupid as not to see it in the first place was beyond him.