Chapter 12

Part 1: Like she was, right?

Derek closed the door of the empty lab behind them. He turned to face Meredith, but his voice caught in his throat. Her pain was still visible, but it was hidden by a look of annoyance and anger or maybe it was just fear. She looked exactly like a hurt animal who found itself trapped by its predator and who with its last force tried to look sufficiently threatening to its enemy in the hope of scaring it away. But Derek was not going anywhere. He just hoped that Meredith would believe that.

"Well? What is it? What do you need to tell me?" She finally spat out.

He gave her his sad puppy look again. Meredith decided right there that she hated that look. It made her soft, it made her melt and she needed to be strong to keep the pieces of her heart together or he would find a way to shatter them again.

He tried to speak again, but his heart was beating too fast and his hands were sweating. It wasn't normal. Derek Shephard wasn't scared about anything. Except this wasn't just anything. It was Meredith and this was his one chance.

"Derek?" She used his name has her eyes shined a little more with the small tears that welled up in them.

He couldn't help but stare at her lips a little longer than he should have. She noticed that.

"Derek, what is…" She couldn't finish her sentence that his lips were on hers. There was nothing tentative about that kiss. It was only full of passion and something like despair.

After the initial shock passed, Meredith kissed him back. As she did so, she already knew she would regret it. She could not give in to him. She could not let him in again. Yet, she could not tear herself away from his kiss. She was weak.

When the kiss ended, they both looked in the other's eyes -breathless. They were both silent. Neither of them knew what to say. Finally, it was Derek who spoke.

"I love you," He said.

She was silent.

"I love you," He repeated.

"I heard you the first time." she said not meeting his eyes.

He sighed. This was not going how he wanted it to go.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" he asked, getting frustrated.

"I don't know what to say." Meredith said, still not meeting his gaze.

"I love you too would be good."

"That's not the point." She insisted.

"Don't you love me?" He asked, fearing the answer.

"That's not the point." she repeated.

"Then what is the point?" Derek asked, growing frustrated.

Meredith met his eyes this time with a look of defiance in them.

"The point is I have a boyfriend."

"Do you love him?" He asked, trying to look more detached than he really was.

"I don't know. I don't think I do now, but I may one day."

"Oh." He said barely below a whisper.

"But that's not why either."

"Why, then?" He asked, feeling a need to know.

"Because I have a boyfriend and I trust him and I'd like him to be able to trust me."

"He's your boyfriend?" He asked, a lump forming in his throat.

"He's my boyfriend." Meredith said, afraid to look at him.

"Like she was my wife, hmm?" Derek asked with a bitter laugh.

"Yes."

"Is that revenge? Do you reject me because I chose her? I left her! I pick you!"

"You picked her first. It's too late. I am out of the choice list. I moved on. Besides-why should I believe you won't pick another woman tomorrow?" She asked him.

"Don't you trust me?" Derek asked, his eyes pleading with hers.

"Why should I? It's not like you never lied to me."

"I did not lie to you. I just…"His voice trailed off.

"Forgot to mention you had a wife."

"It wasn't like that."

"For me it was."

"I see." Derek nodded and paused at this, "Well, thank you for your time. I have to go, now. Goodbye, Dr Grey."

He left the room the faster he could. Tears threatened to show themselves at the corner of his eyes. Derek's heart was breaking, but he would not give up. Meredith would trust him again. He would work on this as long as she needed, but she would.

Part 2: Holding on to her

Cristina was sitting in her living room reading a book. It was a book that Burke had recommended her about epilepsy. She was so much into it that she didn't hear the door open and she was quite surprised when she saw Meredith Grey standing in front of her.

"I hope it's okay. Burke lent me his key." Meredith said, announcing herself.

Cristina looked at her with her penetrating eyes, trying to understand what was wrong with her friend. Meredith wordlessly sat down next to her. They both stayed silent for some time. Cristina understood that this was hard for Meredith and that she needed to know she wasn't alone.

"George and Izzie invited Alex over to my house to watch my mother's tape. They're all talking and enjoying themselves. They're making so much noise, too. I had to get out before I went mental." Meredith stated. Cristina knew it wasn't the real reason for her surprise visit, but she nodded anyway. After silence installed its self again for some time, Cristina spoke.

"It's not what this is about" Cristina said.

"No." answered Meredith and Cristina nodded again.

"He…" Meredith tried to go on, but she found that her throat had tightened.

"Derek?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"He…he said he wanted to talk to me." Meredith paused to try to stop a sob from coming out her mouth. "He said he loved me."

"Oh." Cristina answered with no surprise in her voice.

"I need some tequila." Meredith replied, sounding somewhat desperate.

"Burke has some next to the fridge."

Meredith got up to go serve herself a glass, Cristina close behind her. She found the tequila, but when she was about to look for the glass, a small tear made its way down her cheek. She brushed it off; trying to pretend it wasn't there in the first place. She poured the tequila into the glass and two other tears fell down into the drink.

"Meredith?" Cristina said, growing worried.

"Damn it!" Meredith exclaimed as tears started to come out of her eyes freely. She took her glass and drank it in one shot. When she putted it down the sob she'd been holding in since Derek told her he loved her came out and made her whole body shake with its force.

Meredith suddenly felt a light pressure on her back and shoulder. It was Cristina. She was hugging her. In her eyes, Meredith could see fear, worry and love. She had never seen her friend look at her that way. In fact, she had never seen her look at anyone that way. She must have been a mess to make her friend act like that.

They stayed that way for some time. A friend holding on to another with the lightest touch and yet it seemed to Meredith like Cristina was holding on to her pain with her with that small touch.

Part 3: Wake up

Preston Burke opened his apartment's door to find his fiancée asleep on the sofa with a tear stained face Meredith in her arms. He smiled. He couldn't help it. He knew tonight had probably been hard on both of them, but he couldn't help, but to be proud that that woman who had most likely spent all night trying to take care of her friend had accepted to be his wife.

He couldn't wake them up. They looked too peaceful. So, he simply kissed his bride's forehead and covered the best he could the two women with a small blanket.

The next morning when Cristina woke up, Meredith was still sleeping. She checked her watch to see that it was already seven o'clock in the morning. All the good cases would be taken by the time she got at the hospital. She looked around her and saw Burke sitting at the kitchen table drinking his coffee while reading the paper.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" She asked more than annoyed. He turned around to speak to her.

"You looked too peaceful," he answered.

"And now, I'm gonna be late. Thank you very much for your help. Meredith, wake up!" Cristina shook Meredith until she saw her eyes starting to open.

"What is it?" Meredith asked, still groggy from sleep.

"Wake up! We're gonna be late."

"What time is it?" Meredith asked, with a small voice.

"Seven."

"What! Why didn't you wake me up before?" she asked franticly.

"Just move your ass."

Meredith got up from the couch in a hurry only to fall back with her head in her hand.

"Ow, my head!" She exclaimed.

"That's what happens when you drink tequila too fast when you're depress," were Cristina's only words of comfort as she walked toward the kitchen.

"Here! Take some water," she said handing Meredith a glass.

Meredith drank it all while Cristina quickly brushed her teeth.

"Hi, Dr. Burke," Meredith greeted her boss.

"Good morning, Dr Grey."He said looking up from his paper. Meredith gave him one of her apology smile when Cristina got out of her room with a new top and in the process of brushing her hair.

"Let's go!" She said.

"Well, goodbye, Dr Burke,"

"Goodbye, Dr Grey. Cristina, I'll see you later."

"Yeah! Yeah! Goodbye, Burke."

Cristina opened the door and both Meredith and her stepped out of the apartment. As soon as the door closed behind them, Burke smiled. He really just couldn't help it. He must have been crazy to marry this woman, but he just couldn't help it.

AN: Wow! I never had that much reviews for one chapter before. Thank you all so much for reviewing. I just can't thank you enough for that. Thank you, Tiffany for correcting this chapter. I owe you one. And thanks ilajkajas2215 for offering your help. I just couldn't find your email address. You guys rock!