momentum

by lilralien

dog moon

7. idk

chapter

Place: confidential...

Remus wiped the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand and checked the card again.

He'd apparated in a familiar spot and then chosen to walk the rest of the way.

It took Remus exactly five minutes to figure out that this was an increasingly bad idea. The sun was unbearably hot – too hot for July even – and the material of his robes was drenched and sticking uncomfortably to his skin. His shoulder length hair, which he'd taken the pain to gel back and tie into a ponytail, now hung in loose strands around his face, as rouge as the day he was born. His skin had already turned a violent shade of red, and it would seem that no amount of cooling charms was going to help. The day hadn't even started and already Remus looked like shit. He still had to visit Sirius in their new apartment and pick up the cheese cake his mum had wanted. This was going to be a long day.

Remus stared at the wrought iron gate in front of him, his eyes trailing the spreading rust across the surface. The rust had even grown onto the sides of the walls like a relentless epidemic, yet the sturdy gate showed no signs of collapsing. But it wasn't the corrosion that disturbed him. No, it was the walls. Nearly every inch of it seemed to be covered with jagged pieces of broken glass – butterbeer, soda bottles, maybe even windows. Either way, the glass seemed sharp and literally ingrained into the cement itself. Should anyone ever make the mistake of leaning on any of these walls...

It was an unnecessary precaution given that the top was already heavily barb wired.

This simply could not be a school. It was impossible for a child to live in such an environment and keep his sanity intact – werewolf or not. Surely there had been a mistake? But no, the address on the card had been specific and all the details led here - in front of what could only be described as the gates of hell.

Remus felt sweat trickle down his forehead and wiped it away quickly. He was nervous. Now more than he'd started out because of what stood in front of him. I should go, he told himself. I should really go. This place isn't right and what if they don't like me? What if I don't belong?

Remus bit his lip and against his better judgment, rang the bell. After that, he'd had exactly two minutes and thirty five seconds to run and never look back again. He didn't. Instead, he waited until the door opened and his heartbeat had increased tenfold.

'Mr. Lupin, we've been expecting you.'

Remus shook Greyback's hand, trying hard not to grimace at the crooked smile the older werewolf shot him. 'I hope I'm not too late.'

Fenrir's hand squeezed his tightly before letting go. 'Not at all. Why don't you come in?'

Remus smiled weakly and stepped in. As soon as he entered, he found himself surrounded by a dense crowd of trees, and then it hit him before he could register much else.

The smell, the look, the feel – every sensation amplified; and a powerful voice in his head, so similar to his but with the confidence of a king. You're home, Remus. Overwhelmed and caught by surprise, Remus grabbed the sides of the gate and breathed deeply. Home. Nowhere else. Only here. Stay. Stay.

'Take off your shoes, Mr. Lupin,' said Greyback, smiling as he watched Remus's eyes darting frantically.

Remus found it hard to look at Greyback right now or even concentrate on what he was saying. His eyes as if on their own accord, wandered haphazardly, trying to find a source for so much sensation. There was nothing, nothing but trees and yet, what he felt - it had to be attributed to something, coming from somewhere.

He vaguely felt a hand help him take off his shoes and blindly submitted to it. It wasn't until he felt his feet touch the smooth, cool ground that the world righted itself and his head finally stopped spinning. Remus took a deep breath and finally looked up at Greyback.

'It's beautiful, isn't it?' asked Fenrir knowingly, placing a calloused hand on Remus's arm and leading him across. 'The power of the forest?'

It was beautiful. Not like that of the Forbidden Forest, but wilder. Magical. It possessed a raw, untamed beauty that had grown scarce over the years. Nothing here had been cultured; they grew on their own accord and died the same way. Survivors blossomed blood red and the rest wilted to brown – just as nature had intended.

'That's our school. It's not much, but we try.'

The school itself wasn't as mesmerising as its surroundings; with its cracked light grey walls and bendy plumbing. It looked far more welcoming than the front gate but as he entered inside, Remus immediately began to miss the rich earthy scent of the forest and primal freedom that accompanied it. He felt claustrophobic, constrained within these four walls and something in him screamed to get out; to go back; the forest was home.

Remus shook himself. He was being stupid. After all, hadn't he spent most of his life like this? Then why these sudden urges for open air when he was nowhere near a transformation? He convinced himself to ignore his heart's pleas, and concentrated on Greyback instead. He seemed to have been talking for a very long time, but Remus only caught snitches of the conversation, preferring to inspect with his eyes rather than Fenrir's words.

The interior was no more impressive than the exterior. The rooms couldn't be bigger than Remus's bathroom at home, the only furniture being the three narrow beds squashed together. The doors looked ready to collapse under the abuse of children closing and opening them continuously; and the floors had dents in several places, quite a few of which Remus nearly tripped over. Still, there was a merry chatter of students and laughter reverberating across the damp halls brought a certain cheer to the place that overshadowed any constructional drawbacks. These children seemed genuinely happy to be here, despite Remus's quick assumptions.

'Classes are upstairs, but we usually don't start until the evening,' Remus heard Fenrir say. 'Why not?'

Greyback smiled, his gaze following two students walking past them. 'Well, I find that the children concentrate better after sundown. Being creatures of the night...'

Remus opened his mouth to retaliate but found that he had nothing to say.

Greyback's smile fell and his face twisted into an inhuman sneer. 'You see, Mr. Lupin, over here, we teach our students to be themselves. Denial of what they are will only make them weaker in the eyes of human beings.' His tone neared maliciousness, and Remus took a slight step back, suddenly intimidated. 'The Ministry believes in suppressing our strength, our power...and while some of us might follow these rules, I personally find them a hindrance and a pull down for the student's self esteem. What they are is nothing to be ashamed of and certainly not to be ignored. By pretending to be human, they will get nothing...they will be nowhere.'

Remus looked away, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

Fortunately, he was saved from an awkward conversation when a blur of something nearly ran into him; and it was only Remus's quick reflexes that saved him from being knocked down. It was a child, he realised, as he grabbed in time and held the squirming thing at eye level.

Greyback laughed, breaking the tension in the air. 'I see you've had the misfortune of meeting Rubel.' He reached out a hand, gently caressing the child's strawberry blonde hair. 'Shh, cub,' whispered Fenrir, coming closer, and Remus saw true affection in those yellow eyes. 'He's our youngest. Only five years old, but he can run like the wind. We found him in a muggle clinic, where the doctors couldn't figure what was wrong with him or even where he'd come from.'

Remus's hold tightened on the boy. 'What about his parents?'

There was a sudden fire in Fenrir's eyes as he looked up at Remus fiercely. 'I'll tell you this Remus Lupin, and I'll tell it to you only once, so I expect you to remember it. I brought him in, I gave him a name, I gave him a life, I gave him powers he could never have imagined having. He doesn't need any parents. He only needs me. Do you understand that?'

Remus, too shocked to reply, simply nodded and turned towards the boy instead. He could understand Fenrir's possessiveness, he supposed. After all, he had personally raised these children, hadn't he? A sort of admiration for Greyback bubbled up inside of Remus, and he looked at the older werewolf with new found respect.

Rubel cocked his head inquisitively at Remus's nervous gaze and the brunette couldn't resist copying the movement. 'Who are you?' asked Rubel, furrowing his eyebrows so deep that only a slight sliver of his azure eyes peeked out beneath his lashes.

Remus smiled warmly, his discomfort after Fenrir's speech slowly dissipating. 'I'm Remus Lupin.'

'You're not a student,' Rubel stated obviously, frowning and looking questioningly at Greyback. When all he got was an encouraging smile, he brought his face closer to Remus's, slowly nuzzling his neck. Like a dog, realised Remus, or a wolf. 'But you're one of us.'

The situation should have been uncomfortable – a strange child trying to smell him. But it wasn't, and Remus was again overwhelmed by the sensation of home and pack and people, my people, and the need to stay...

'Why are you different?' asked Rubel, looking up at Remus and balancing his hands on the older werewolf's shoulders. 'I don't understand. You smell...different.' His eyes mirrored the curiosity in Remus's own amber orbs, as he struggled to find the right words. 'It's nice...clean.' He came closer to Remus's right ear and whispered for only them to hear, 'Human...'

'Is that good?' Remus whispered back, surprisingly unaffected by the statement. It made sense for him to smell human. He had spent most his life with them and all of it pretending to be one of them. But the conversation had aroused something inside of him - a need to find out who he truly was and perhaps even accept it instead of looking at it as a curse.

Rubel nodded. 'It's good. I like it.' His face broke into a beatific smile, and Remus was sure he'd never seen anyone this adorable his entire life, 'I like you. Will you stay? He bit his lip and fisted Remus's shirt nervously. 'With me?'

Remus beamed and looked at Greyback who for the first time since they met, looked slightly apprehensive. 'Yeah. Yeah, I'll stay.' He ruffled Rubel's hair, enjoying the small giggle that escaped the boy's mouth. 'But not until Monday, alright?'

xxx

Remus felt himself expanding as he apparated into Sirius's flat and on a dirty pile of laundry. He looked around, trying to disentangle his feet from between the piles sheets and underwear.

It would seem that Sirius had been cleaning up or at least, attempting to. Empty boxes lay scattered on the carpeted floor; most of its contents strewn about nearby, while others were haphazardly arranged around the house. Remus was pretty sure that the tea pot did not belong on the book shelf beside his favourite issues of Marvin the Muggle (mint condition, mind you).

'Sirius?' Remus called out, folding a few of the clothes out of the way and placing them on the kitchen counter. 'You there? Padfoot?'

'Left bedroom!' Remus heard Sirius's muffled voice call out.

He carefully maneuvered through all the strewn furniture, passing the conjoint living room and into the left bedroom. 'Padfoo-' He stopped when he entered the room to see only the tips of Sirius's neon yellow socks peeking out from under a queen sized bed. 'Well, look at you...'

Sirius slid out from underneath and grinned. 'Hey, Moony. Just fixing up the bed.' He got up and dusted himself off before kissing Remus lightly on the lips.

Remus grinned back, brushing off the remaining dust from Sirius's forehead. Sirius looked quite a sight in too small overalls and covered in filth. His black hair, shorter than Remus's, but still long by normal standards, stood up in disarray at the back of his head where he'd obviously been lying down. Remus curled his fingers around the silky (if not dirty) strands, smoothing them out and taking pleasure in the benign smile that spread across his friend's face.

Sirius hadn't changed much over the years. He'd grown taller, almost to Remus's height, with legs tantalizingly long and thin. His face had remained the same, perhaps a little more angular here and there, but he was still the same handsome boy that Remus remembered from their first year and grown to love over the next few. Remus could say that Sirius had perhaps grown manlier since then, but figured Sirius's inability to grow anything more than a few wisps of hair on his chin spoke for itself.

'So, what do you think of your bedroom?' asked Sirius, casually laying an arm across Remus's

shoulders. 'I furnished it and everything. It's still a little dusty, but I'll clean it up once I'm done with my room.'

Remus's heart sank. 'It's nice,' he murmured. It was silly really, but he had been expecting for them to share a bed now that he was moving in. Clearly a ridiculous notion, especially since Sirius had gone to the lengths of furnishing a separate room for him.

The black haired boy smiled slyly. 'You'd think so, wouldn't you? Too bad it's just a decoy for when your parents come over. Truth is...' he whispered, letting his lips brush over Remus's neck and sending shivers down his spine. 'Night or day, I'd really rather you sleep underneath me.'

Remus blinked. Did Sirius-? And then he burst out laughing, probably more out of relief than the cheesy innuendo.

Sirius pouted, disentangling from Remus. 'I didn't think I was doing anything particularly funny.'

Remus only laughed harder, grabbing Sirius into a tight hug. 'You are just too much, you know that? God knows, why I lo-' Remus shut his mouth abruptly, cursing himself. That had been close, too close. He'd almost said it – those three dreaded words. He'd have to watch himself better next time He couldn't take the risk, not now when things were so perfect. The very thought of Sirius leaving him because of something so stupid was too painful. Perhaps Remus would tell him later when the time was right.

Sirius looked up, smiling despite himself. 'You what?'

Remus hacked his mind for a good excuse. 'I want a tour of the place.'

Sirius raised a sardonic eyebrow. 'The apartment's twenty feet long. There really isn't much to see. We have the living room and kitchen, which will be really pretty once I get it cleaned up. That's what the brochures said anyway.'

'I'm sure.'

'We have a joint bathroom where we can take a piss in,' Sirius gestured outside to his right.

Remus tried not to comment on Sirius's crude description.

'And in the next room,' Sirius moved closer, wiggling his brows suggestively. 'Is the bed we'll be having hot, passionate sex in...'

xxx

Remus rang the doorbell, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration as he watched the big black dog jump around him playfully. 'Sirius, will you just stop that!' The dog did nothing but bark mischievously and continue its game. 'Sirius, bad dog! Sit! Heel!'

Padfoot whined pitifully, his tail promptly falling between his legs and paws settling over his head. He looked up at Remus with large grey eyes and Remus groaned.

'Don't me such a drama queen, Sirius. It's your fault and you know it.' Grey eyes, if possible, grew even larger.

Remus averted his eyes. 'You're not guilt tripping me. This is one game I'm too used to, to actually fall for.'

If Remus thought that was going to make Padfoot stop, he was sadly mistaken. Instead, Padfoot increased his 'please pity me' charm tenfold and whimpered to an impossibly pathetic degree.

It didn't take long for Remus to change his mind and had it not been for the clacking of heels coming from the other side of the door, Remus would have surely knelt down beside Padfoot to reassure him.

'Who is it?' sang out a female voice that could only belong to his Aunt Nash.

'It's me: Remus.'

'Remoo? I don't think so!' she sang again and it made Remus want to strangle her. He loved her, he really did, but her antics were a whole other matter. 'Tell me what your Halloween costume was when you were three.'

Remus felt the blood drain out of his face. His Halloween costume? Now? He looked at Padfoot from the corner of his eyes, noticing how his ears perked up curiously, all whining forgotten.

'Come on, Aunt Nash! I got through dad's barriers, didn't I? Just let me in!' he pleaded desperately. He heard his aunt chuckle. 'Barriers can be broken, sweetheart, especially if you're You Know

Who!'

Remus thumped his head against the door. He remembered that Halloween; how could he not? His parents had left (abandoned) him to trick or treat with his aunt while they enjoyed a quiet couple's night out (snogging). Back then, he'd enjoyed it, he really had. He'd been three after all, with hardly enough brains to fill an egg cup. But the memory haunted him now, especially considering that there werepictures- ones that made him want to drown himself in the toilet.

'I'm waaiitiing!' his aunt called out cheerfully, obviously taking sadistic pleasure in torturing him. 'Fine!' he spat. 'I was a pujghjd.' Remus mumbled, carefully avoiding Padfoot's eyes.

'What? I didn't hear you!'

'A princess, alright? I was a bloody princess!' All the comments about what a pretty girl he'd been came rushing back to him, and Remus shuddered involuntarily. Why hadn't he realised it sooner? It was his aunt's fault he was a ponce.

The door swung open and Remus was enveloped in a bone crushing hug and strong jasmine perfume. Nash pulled away after a kiss on each cheek, but her smile fell as soon as she chanced a glance downwards.

'John!' she gasped, her hands promptly going to her mouth. 'I'm dying!' She blinked rapidly, her large blue eyes growing enormous. 'There's a Grim on our front door and he's grinning at me... very, very evilly.'

Padfoot growled, and Remus knew Sirius's ego had been brutally bruised at being consorted with something as ugly as a Grim, especially after he'd spent an hour in the shower (with Remus).

'Relax, Aunt Nash. It's just Pa-' Remus stopped himself just in time, realising that Sirius had been to his house enough times for everyone to know they called him Padfoot. 'Snuffles,' he finished, ignoring the disgusted look Padfoot shot him and walking in.

He found his father sitting in front of the TV watching the muggle news, least bothered about the

dramatic revelation about his sister dying. 'You're late,' he stated, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Remus sat on the couch beside his, setting the cheese cake down on the coffee table. 'Got caught up in traffic.'

John Lupin raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing the story. 'And that stray followed your car home?'

'He's Frank Longbottom's,' Remus lied smoothly, unaffected by the way John Lupin was eyeing Padfoot. 'I met him in Mr. Baker's. Apparently, he needed someone to take care of Snuffles during the weekend. He won't be any trouble, I promise.'

John smiled. 'Hm...cute little fellow, isn't he?' He laughed as Padfoot barked happily and set both his front paws on John lap. 'Enthusiastic a bit,' he remarked, scratching behind Padfoot's ears.

Remus leaned back against the chair, heaving a huge sigh of relief. He'd been afraid his father would recognise Padfoot for who he really was, but either Sirius was doing a very good job of playing his part or he was genuinely being himself. The latter was more likely.

'Freshen up quickly. Dinner should be ready in a few minutes.' John rolled his eyes exasperatedly as Padfoot sniffed at the cake and grabbed him by the ruff. 'And take your mutt with you, hm?'

xxx

'You know, for Longbottom's dog, he's mighty attached to you,' Natasha commented through a mouthful of potatoes.

Remus smiled and passed Padfoot another rib to chew on. 'Are you guys free tomorrow?' he asked, deliberately avoiding his aunt's observation.

Both Natasha and Del shrugged, while John helped himself to more salad. 'It could be arranged. Why?'

Remus smirked. 'Well, I wanted to take you all out to dinner.'

Del raised an eyebrow, smiling. 'Oh? And what's the special occasion?'

Remus put his fork down, resting his elbows on the table. 'Well, I got offered a job during graduation, and I looked over it today and well...' He smiled slowly. 'It seemed nice enough, so I accepted it.'

The cheer that followed made Remus beam widely, and Sirius mused that his friend had never looked more beautiful – his face flushed and amber eyes shining behind his wild hair. Happiness suited Remus and even though Sirius couldn't quite remember who this Greyback fellow was, in his eyes, Fenrir Greyback was something close to a blessing.

Padfoot nuzzled Remus's side affectionately.

'So, what are you working as?' asked John Lupin, once the cheers had subsided and everyone was drinking a toast to Remus's new job.

'Teacher,' replied Remus swallowing his drink. 'I'm going to be the first teacher of Magic for werewolves.'

John and Del looked at each other suspiciously, but it was Natasha who voiced the question in both

their minds. 'Werewolves, Remoo? You sure? I've never heard of such a thing.'

Remus nodded. 'Yeah, that's what I thought at first too, which is why I visited the school today. It's a little shabby, but Mr. Greyback said-'

Remus was interrupted by the glass in his father's hand shattering, and the multiple gasps coming from both his aunt and his mother. He looked at his father in confusion, and was shocked to see his face contorted with fury – face red and eyes bulging out dangerously.

'I'll kill him!' John shouted, getting up furiously, his plate and cutlery scattering on the ground in the process. 'I'll fucking kill him.'

Padfoot whimpered, and Remus held on to his ruff as comfort. He'd only seen his father this angry once his entire life and that had been the last time he'd visited his grandfather eleven years ago. He'd cried back then, afraid of what his father would do and scared that it had been his fault. Remus had assumed that he'd grown out of that fear, but he could feel it surfacing again as he watched his father clench his fist angrily and punch the wall.

'John, please, calm down!' yelled Del, getting up from her own chair and grabbing her husband by the arm.

John shrugged her off roughly. 'Calm down? Calm down? That bastard's come back! That son of a bitch has come back and he has the fucking nerve to try and take my son away from me! Again!'

Remus straightened in his seat, his hand fisting painfully in Padfoot's fur. 'Wait, again? I've met Greyback before?'

Everyone including John, froze. Had the situation been less serious, it would have been comical: the way his mother and aunt fell into their seats, or how his father stopped mid step, eyes twitching from Del to Remus and back to Del again.

'I-' John faltered, looking helplessly at Del.

Del massaged her temples, staring fixedly at the flowery patterns of their tablecloth. 'It was bound to happen.'

'Just tell him, John. Tell him and get over with it,' whispered Natasha encouragingly, grabbing Remus's father's hand.

John snatched his hand away angrily. 'No!'

Remus watched the exchange of expressions between his parents and aunt – anger, frustration, protectiveness, but it was the stench of fear emanating from his father that overpowered it all.

'Can someone please tell me what's going on?' Remus pleaded, if not a little angrily. He felt Padfoot growl lightly, warning him of the danger that was to come.

Aunt Nash placed a hand on top of Remus's and squeezed tightly. 'Remus, Fenrir Greyback...he's the werewolf who bit you.'

Remus felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

'...and he did it on purpose...'

John Lupin punched the wall again, muttering 'fuck' and other obscenities under his breath.

Remus's mind was whirring, protesting at the sudden onslaught of information. It was impossible, it had to be. His father always told him everything. Surely something like this wouldn't be kept hidden, would it? 'You're lying,' he whispered, trying to convince himself more than anyone else. 'You're all lying.'

Del shook her head. 'It's true, Remus.'

'You told me you didn't know! You told me it had been an accident!' he accused, angry at how his father deliberately avoided his eyes. He vaguely felt Padfoot put a comforting paw on his lap, but he pushed it away.

'It was an accident! If I'd been careful enough, then Greyback would never have gotten to you!'

'How-' His knuckles were turning white where his hands gripped the table.

'Greyback wanted a favour. It was immoral and back then, against my somewhat harsh view point of werewolves...' John bowed his head dejectedly. 'I didn't fulfill it. In return, his idea of a suitable punishment was you.'

Remus's mind didn't want to register what he was hearing. 'A punishment?'

John Lupin nodded, turning his back. Even Del and aunt Nash looked away.

He was a punishment. That was all he was - something to settle his father's internal battles with. 'Is that why you kept me? Out of guilt?' Was pity all there was to his fucked up life? How many lies, how many? Were they lying to him when they told him they loved him? The hugs, the kisses – were they lies as well? Just a cover up for the life they ruined?

Del looked at him sadly. 'Is that what you think, Remus?'

'Dad said so himself that he hadn't been in favour of werewolves back then!'

'Times change,' John growled.

'How do I know then?' asked Remus getting up and ignoring Padfoot tugging at his jeans. 'How do I know that Greyback's not right? Maybe...maybe you deserved it.'

Nash stood up from her own seat, glaring at Remus. 'You think you're the first child he's bitten?' She shook his shoulders roughly. 'Wake up, Remus. Every child in that orphanage is a victim - sometimes of blood lust, sometimes of revenge - the man's as close to a murderer you can get.'

Of course she'd defend her brother. Maybe he was lying to her, too. Maybe they were all lying. Remus looked at his father hard in the eyes. 'He offered me freedom to be who I was while you suppressed it.'

John snorted. 'He uses freedom as an excuse for murder.'

'He offered me a place with my own kind, while you put me under the delusion of being human,' Remus retaliated.

John banged his fist of the table. 'You're fucking human thirty days out of thirty one!' 'He told me the truth while you lied!'

John fell silent.

Remus sneered. 'Was it fun, dad? Was it amusing to watch me wander about like an ignoramus - the oblivious creature of mockery – pouring out my fucking heart to you while you kept secrets of my life locked away in a cupboard?' Padfoot nipped at his fingers, but he ignored it. Sirius didn't know how it felt. This wasn't about Greyback; this was about trust. All his life, he'd assumed that father and he were close; that they were equals, but perhaps even that had been a lie.

'Remus, that's enough,' warned his mother.

'I'm not having this conversation.' John started walking away, his hands clutching at his hair in frustration.

'Why? What are you scared of?'

John turned sharply. 'This! This is exactly what I was scared of! Do you even hear what you're saying, Remus? You hate me.' His voice wavered slightly, but he held his gaze. 'You hate me and it's justified because it's my fault your life turned out like this. And you can leave if you want to, I'll understand that but take my advice on this: don't go back to Greyback. He might promise you a lot, and he might give them to you as well, but at the cost of your sanity. Those children you saw today are being taught how to kill, do you understand that?'

'How do I know you're telling the truth?' Remus didn't flinch away when his father touched his shoulder. 'How can I trust you when all my life you've done nothing but lie?'

'I can't help you with that, Remus.'

That night Remus sent a letter to Greyback resigning from his position. He didn't mention any reasons, or show any signs of accusation. Just a short apology and a polite declination, which only left many questions in Remus's mind unanswered. Sirius had stood by him the whole time, saying nothing, but only providing a comforting presence.

They'd had sex on Remus's bed after that; Sirius on top, kissing and touching Remus in just the right places without any words exchanged in between. He'd held on to Remus as he'd come soundlessly with Sirius inside of him, outlining the dark circles of his eyes and smoothing errant brown strands out his face.

'He's scared, you know...your father,' whispered Sirius once he had slid out, breath still coming out raggedly

Remus said nothing.

'He's afraid you'll leave...that you'll think Greyback would serve as a better father to you...'

When Remus still didn't reply, Sirius sighed heavily. He kissed Remus lightly on the forehead, and they remained a tangle of limbs till sunrise.

Remus didn't know it at that moment as he slept quietly in Sirius's arms; but by morning, he would have forgiven his father and in some ways, understood why he did what he did. But the issue itself would never be brought up. Remus would pretend nothing had ever happened between them, and John would only be happy to oblige, even though his fears would remain until a lot later. They would both play fetch with Snuffles until they were breathless and later, drive together to the nearest Chinese restaurant to order take out because even though Aunt Nash was a wonderful person, she was a horrible cook.

xxx

The Kennel...

Remus was going to kill Sirius. Remus was going to kill Sirius, reincarnate him and then kill him all over again.

He voiced his thoughts as he fumbled with his cigarette packet for his seventh stick in two hours. 'I'll kill him.'

Sirius had told him he'd be home by midnight, and Remus hadn't complained despite it being dangerous times and he certainly hadn't asked to come along. After all, Sirius and James had lived together until only a couple of weeks ago and were brothers in every way but blood. It made sense to Remus that they would want to spend some quality time together, drinking beer and doing whatever it was they did best. But it was two in the morning now, and the bastard hadn't even bothered to call. He was beyond late, and Lily had shut their floo for the night.

'I'll kill James too!' exclaimed Remus in anger, rubbing his eyes raw.

He was sleepy. More so, he was worried sick and inwardly pleading that Sirius had simply gone to one of his ridiculous escapades and forgotten the time, careless as he was. That had to be the explanation right? Sirius was pureblood after all and he and James rarely if ever went to muggle pubs. There were no chances of him being attacked, unless he went into a dangerous neighbourhood intentionally. But that was ridiculous; no one in their right mind would put themselves into danger just for the heck of it.

No one in their right mind...

Remus stubbed his cigarette against the wall. 'If fucking Voldemort doesn't kill you, I will.'

It was when he was reaching for another smoke that he felt it rather than heard it – that odd tingling sensation in the centre of his chest that told him Sirius was calling for him. He quickly rushed out of their apartment and down the stairs, all the while planning ten different ways to murder Sirius Black.

Remus opened the door to the basement – one they'd rented out from the landlord for Remus's transformations for a few pounds extra – and froze. He was vaguely aware that his jaw had dropped to the floor, but Jesus fucking Christ...

Sirius turned, smiling and wiping the grease off his cheek. 'Do you like it?'

Remus gulped. Sirius was standing there, clad in a brand new leather jacket on top of Remus's old

Queen t-shirt, wiping his hands on a dirty rag. It looked good, mused Remus, but what had really caught his attention were the matching leather trousers, hugging his hips so impossibly tight that it left very little to imagination. Did he like it? Hell, yeah...

Sirius cocked a sardonic eyebrow. 'Moony, you're drooling.'

Remus snapped his mouth shut and looked away, his face turning seven different shades of red. Instead he focused on the rusty steel bar that Sirius was leaning against and holy mother of god, Remus could only take a shock at a time; and while the former had been deliciously surprising, this one was just a piece of shit.

Remus stared. 'Sirius, what the hell is that?' It was quite obvious what it was, but Remus was very nearly asleep and desperately needed clarification.

Sirius ran his hand over the ripped leather seat lovingly. 'It's a bike, Moony,' he explained as if to a child. 'She's a little worn, but once I'm done with her, she'll be gorgeous. My absolutely gorgeous bitch.'

Both of Remus's eyes shot up as he fixed Sirius with a disbelieving stare. The tires were flat, the gears were rusty, and the metallic black paint was chipped in too many places for the contraption to be called black, there was a large dent in the front where the headlight had been smashed and there was fluff peeking out of the edges of the seat. She looked more than 'a little worn'. She looked devastated.

Still, if it kept Sirius in those trousers, Remus wouldn't mind entertaining the idea too much.

He sauntered over to the bike and sat on the edge of the seat, hoping the stands didn't give away under his weight. 'Should I be jealous?' he asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the handles when he noticed that the bike was pretty sturdy for being so crap.

A slow, sly smile crept up Sirius's face and he rested his head over Remus's hands. 'I should hope not. I was planning for the both of us to ride her together,' he looked up, eyes smoldering darkly.

Remus snorted. 'And get myself killed...you wish!' He jerked his hands from underneath Sirius causing him to stumble. 'By the way, you're sleeping on the couch tonight.'

'What? Why?'

Remus frowned, his face quickly changing from provocative to just plain furious. 'Do you know what time it is, Sirius?' When Sirius shook his head and indicated the lack of a wristwatch, Remus's frown deepened. 'It's two hours past the time you were supposed to be back.'

'Oh. Is that all?' Sirius shrugged off his jacket and hung it on one of the handlebars. 'Really, Moony, I'm a grown boy – don't you think you're overreacting a bit? I just got caught up with this stuff, you know, and I really wanted the trousers.'

Remus rubbed his forehead and looked down. They were really nice trousers. 'Look, Padfoot. I know I'm acting like some overbearing wife here okay, hell I even feel like one right now; but I worry. I worry a lot. I've seen my dad and the type of trouble he gets into sometimes, so it's not completely baseless.' He cupped Sirius's face with both hands, running a thumb over his right cheek. 'You're one of my best friends and these are dangerous times. If anything should happen to you or James or Peter, I don't know what I'd do.'

Sirius covered Remus's hand with his own and kissed it. 'We're fine, Moony, okay?' He grinned, jumping on to the seat in front of Remus and facing him. 'Besides, everyone knows the Marauders

are invincible.'

And Remus, naïve as he was, truly believed him... XxxxX

'Baby, are you awake?'

Remus groaned and pulled the blanket over his throbbing head. It was way too early to be awake and definitely too early for his mom to be screaming this loud. The sun hadn't even hit the bed yet...

'Remus?'

Remus's eyes shot up. Oh God, his mother was in his apartment... 'Son, you awake?'

And by the sounds of it, so was his father.

Remus sat up, ignoring the sudden head rush and the beginnings of a disastrous migraine. His head swiveled around quickly taking in his surroundings, half expecting his mother to be standing somewhere in one of the corners. He was in Sirius's room...of course...because they slept together on the same bed now. He breathed heavily and looked down at himself under the sheets. Naked. He was naked, and Sirius had to be naked too if they were following the same rules. Oh shit, he was naked and his parents were outside his room! Dead, he was dead, dead, dead, naked and dead...

'Remus?'

He scrambled off the bed, cursing as his legs tangled in their thick blankets. 'Fuck, damn it,

fuck, fuck.'

He heard Sirius whine at the sudden loss of warmth and quickly tucked it back underneath his friend's chin. An awake and noisy Sirius was the last thing he needed right now. He grabbed a discarded pair of trousers from the floor, hoping to God they were his and running to the bathroom, simultaneously trying to pull on his trousers.

'Shit, shit...' He hastily buttoned his trousers and dunk his head in the sink, turning on the tap to full blast. 'Chill, Remus, chill,' he whispered, welcoming the cool water pouring over his head and the comeback of his sanity.

He could hear his mother's voice coming closer. 'I don't think they're home. Maybe they stayed the night at James' or Peter's place.'

'Nonsense, I can hear water running.'

Remus cursed his father's sharp senses and grabbed a towel from the rack. His bare feet nearly slipped on the water dripping from his hair as he ran out the adjacent door and into his 'decoy' bedroom. He made a mental note to personally thank the architects of this building for joining the two bedrooms through a double door bathroom. He rumpled his unused bed to make it look slept in and quickly pulled on an old t-shirt from the dresser.

'Which one do you think is Remus's bedroom?'

Remus flung open the door. 'Hi mum, hi dad. Sorry it took me so long.' He smiled and tried not to breathe too heavily. 'I had shampoo in my eyes.' He kissed his mother's cheek and hugged his father briefly. 'What brings you guys here all of a sudden?'

Del glared at John, hands goings to her hips. 'See, I told you to just call them but no, you always have to do everything the wizard way. Remus didn't even know we were coming. I bet that owl just pooped on your letter.'

John huffed. 'That owl delivered it fine. Remus just doesn't remember it, right, lad?'

Remus had a slight flashback of coming back from James's party, a drunken Sirius hanging from

his shoulders...

Him being pressed against the wall, panting and sweating... Sirius on his knees giving him the blowjob of his life...

Him being this close to his orgasm...

And a ruddy bird tapping noisily against the window beside him... Ah...

His eyes automatically reverted to the couch, underneath which he'd flung the letter in haste and desperation. 'Nope.' He grinned in what he hoped was a convincing way. 'Sorry, dad. Didn't get a letter.'

Del looked at her husband triumphantly and walked to the kitchen counter, a slight perk in every step. There were several paper bags lying on top of it, a few already damp either from condensation or oil.

'What's all this, mum?' asked Remus, as he watched her take out bottles of maple and chocolate syrup.

Del smiled. 'Nothing much. Gran sent you a little house warming present and we figured we could drop it off, and cook you and Sirius some breakfast at the same time.'

Remus's face broke into a large smile, and he secretly hoped Sirius would remember to wear trousers when he woke up. 'Gran sent me something?' Gran always sent the best presents – expensive Swiss chocolates, rare editions of books that would normally cost him a fortune. She was muggle and despite being old, knew exactly what Remus wanted and Remus loved her for it.

John gestured at the large cardboard box peeking from behind the counter with his chin. 'It's her television set...the new one. Says it's your half of the will and you should have it since she'll be dying soon anyway.' He lowered his voice so that only Remus could hear. 'Good riddance, I say. That TV's got the latest features! An old cog like her wouldn't know what to do with it.'

There was a loud clatter of spatula hitting the pan. 'John, don't you dare talk about my mother like that!'

'She told me I was a waste of good skin!'

'She was complimenting on your skin, honey. She said it was good, didn't she?' Del defended, pouring oil into the pan.

'She gives me parenting advice every time we visit her.'

Del rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated. 'She's only trying to help, you should know that by now.'

John snorted. 'She told me it's a miracle Remus didn't end up in the asylum. Face it, Del, the woman hates me.'

'Mother doesn't hate you, John,' Del replied sympathetically, flipping over a pancake.

Both father and son looked at each other. 'Yes, she does,' they chorused, Remus grinning and John sulking at his misfortune.

Del rolled her eyes and busied herself in setting the table – laying out forks and spoons she'd picked up from home. She doubted two seventeen year old boys would ever volunteer to have proper cutlery, despite Sirius's pureblood heritage.

John looked at her for a while, watching her lay the syrup bottles in the middle. When he was sure she was too preoccupied to notice or hear them talking, he started fumbling in his coat pockets. Once or twice, he cast a glance towards his wife, completely oblivious to the odd look Remus was giving him. Finally, he fished out a crumpled letter with Remus's name written in green ink.

'Dumbledore told me to give you this,' whispered John, handing it over. 'It's an invitation to an Order meeting. Don't tell your mum and bring your friends along if they want to come, okay?'

Remus nodded and pocketed the letter.

John nodded and smiled. 'Did the transformation go okay this week?' He put a firm hand over his son's shoulder. 'The wolf wasn't too wild, was he? Sudden change of environment and all.'

Remus shook his head and smiled reassuringly. The wolf had been wild and disgruntled over not being allowed in the open air, but the marauders, as always, had been there in their Animagus forms to stop him from becoming too aggressive. 'I healed quickly this time.'

His father clapped him on the back. 'Good. Now come on, I'm starving.'

It had been a long time since Remus had had a breakfast that didn't involve burnt toast or stale cereal. It was good to be having his mother to cook for him again and even better to be sitting around a table and talking about inane things like his new job at the supermarket nearby. Not one he was fond of, but it paid the bills temporarily until he found a real job. He hadn't even realised how much he'd missed his parents until today and took the time to savour the moment. Things were going wonderfully too - well, at least until Sirius decided to wake up...

He hadn't forgotten to wear trousers, thank god for small miracles. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten to wear his trousers and came in to the kitchen wearing Remus's instead. Now this wouldn't have been a problem since most jeans look pretty much the same. Only thing was that Remus's trousers had his mother's expert stitches across the knee where he'd ripped them on purpose after a very influencing song video. Of course, there was also the fact that Remus was taller and slighter than Sirius, so the legs came off two inches too long and the denim two inches too tight.

Even this would have gone unnoticed. His parents weren't that observant or so he hoped. Things would have gone perfectly smoothly despite it, if fucking Sirius hadn't made a theatrical display of yawning loudly and planting a large sloppy kiss on Remus's cheek.

'Mornin' gorgeous,' he whispered into Remus's ear, too close for comfort.

Remus felt his face heat up and diverted his eyes from his parents' curious glances. 'Um...morning to you to Sirius,' he said in a fake cheery tone, patting Sirius's back harder than necessary. 'You've met my folks of course.'

He felt Sirius stiffen against him and almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Sirius's hand slipped away from Remus's waist, his brain finally starting to process the compromising position he was in. One would have expected him to stop after such a disastrous fluke, maybe apologise or run back to his room and never face the Lupins again, but this was Sirius Black. Sirius fucking Black, who was known for his horribly disastrous instincts.

So it should have never come as a surprise to Remus when Sirius casually walked over to Delilah Lupin, would an arm around her waist, kissed her on cheek and said, 'Mornin' gorgeous.' It should have come as even less of a surprise when he moved on to John with very similar intentions.

And he would have achieved it too, had John not held his knife threateningly in front of him. 'One more step, Black, and I will puncture your balls right through.'

'John!' chided Delilah but with the hint of a smile. She put a reassuring hand on Sirius's forearm. 'Sirius, you must be hungry. Why don't you join us for breakfast?'

Sirius gulped, taking John's threat to heart and seating himself between Remus and his mother. He swiftly piled four pancakes onto his plate and stuffed his face with more than he, or any normal human being could chew. The tension that settled after that was thick enough to cut with a knife, the awkward silence only punctuated by their forks scraping against their plates.

Remus was staring at his plate fixedly, while Sirius continued shoveling rather large pieces of pancake at an alarming speed. John and Delilah, however seemed to be the only ones eating calmly, as if nothing had ever happened. It was a horrible way to break to his parents that he was dating his best friend. They'd known he was gay of course, but they didn't think he was seeing anyone, least of all living or sleeping with them. Remus sometimes thought that his father still had a little trouble taking it all in and throwing it in his face this way was probably not the best of ideas.

Finally, Remus set his fork down, exasperated. 'Can you guys please say something? It's getting really suffocating in here.'

Sirius piled two more pancakes onto his plate.

Del smiled and patted Remus's trembling hand. 'It's okay, baby. We're fine. Whoever makes you happy, okay?'

Remus smiled weakly, watching as Sirius's shoulders sagged with relief. He turned towards his father, worried about how he still hadn't said anything.

'John.' His mother's tone dangerously low. 'Shouldn't you be saying something to Remus?'

John stabbed his pancake moodily. 'Don't get Sirius pregnant.'

All three of them burst out laughing, except for Sirius, who particularly did not see anything funny about the comment. He huffed angrily and squeezed the chocolate syrup bottle tightly, ending up with pancakes only Remus could eat without puking.

Del scooped up some of the chocolate with her knife. 'So, Sirius, John told me he saw your forms down at the office yesterday. Applying for auror training?'

Sirius shrugged. 'Yeah, I guess, doesn't matter anyhow. I didn't get accepted.' He felt Remus's bare foot rest against his in reassurance, and he pressed back. 'They told me I was too Black. Suppose I could try out for the Wasps along with James or maybe become an Unspeakable like Mrs. Potter, you know. They're decent enough options.'

John chewed thoughtfully, 'If you wanted,' he said, swallowing. 'Me and Potter could put in a good word for you with Moody. He's a fair enough guy, believes in giving chances.'

Sirius frowned. 'But Crouch-'

'Crouch can go to hell.' And the way John held his fork; it was obvious he would stab the man had he been in front of him. 'Moody despises the son of a bitch and he sure as hell isn't going to follow his rules. Trying to legalise Avada Kedavra. Next thing we know, all the Aurors will be walking around with Dark Marks on their arms.'

Sirius gulped and made a mental note to include Moody into the list of people he'd never mess with along with Remus's father. He'd seen Moody during his runs to the DMLE and even though the man wasn't half as bulky as John Lupin, his unconventional tactics were legendary. Not to mention the map of scars across his face – not very attractive, but bloody tough.

'So I can get in, right?' asked Sirius uncertainly.

'Not promising you anything.' John pushed his plate away. 'How are you at Defense spells.'

Sirius shrugged. 'I'm all right. Not as good as Remus.'

Remus blushed and John smiled proudly. 'No, I wouldn't expect you to be.'

'Dad's a good teacher,' Remus explained. 'We practiced during the holidays sometimes, you know, for fun.'

John shook his head. 'And still, you've learnt nothing. There isn't a single protection spell on this house...what's wrong with you?' He scolded, and Sirius saw Remus look down at his feet. 'Anyone could easily apparate or use a simple Alohomora charm to get in. Do you know how many attacks there have been recently, huh? Do you want to make yourself such an easy target to death?'

Remus bit his lip. 'Sorry...I was meaning to...' He looked up, his bottom lip slightly red. 'We could do it now. I mean, you could help me and Sirius out, right.'

John nodded, breathing out exasperatedly. 'I don't want you taking your safety lightly, Remus, and you too, Sirius. I mean it. You listen to Moody talk for this many years, and the mind starts getting paranoid, you know.'

Del slowly reached out and piled all their plates on top of each other. 'He said he was sorry, John, stop telling him off so much.' She collected all their forks on tops of the plates. 'Anyway, you and Sirius might as well get started on the spells if you want to finish by lunch; and Remus can help me set this kitchen in order.'

'What?' Remus looked at her like she'd grown horns. 'Why can't I do the protection spells? I know them all anyway. It would make things a lot quicker.'

Del stood up. 'My point exactly. You know them all, Sirius doesn't. He needs to learn and you need to learn how to cook a decent meal before you both starve to death or choke on all that Indian curry.'

'Mum, I want to-'

Del put the plates into the sink and turned on the tap. 'One more word out of you, young man, and you will be grounded.'

Remus pouted, and Sirius found it hard to believe that this was the same boy who called him immature. 'Mum, I don't live at home anymore.'

His mother sighed. 'Remus, just be a lad and help me wash the dishes, okay? I could use some help.'

Remus got up, obviously disgruntled over having been told off twice by his parents at the age of seventeen.

So this was what it was like in the Lupin household. Sirius had visited them quite a few times but had never actually stayed over. The Potters were nothing like the Lupins, he realised, probably because they were a lot older than them. They usually just talked about politics or the nice new cleaning broom Mrs. Potter had seen in the shop. And though Mrs. Potter occasionally showed a mischievous side, they had the air of a couple who had settled themselves into growing old together and loving forever. Not that the Lupins didn't look happy – they seemed tight. Something the Potters didn't have because of the wide age gap, and Sirius never had because...well...it didn't matter.

Sirius felt a pang of jealousy as he watched John look at both his wife and son with a certain fondness in his eyes. He quickly waved it off, concentrating on the blob of chocolate on the table. He was suddenly feeling very exposed and uncomfortable being left alone with Remus's father, especially after his little fluke with the kiss and all.

John turned to face him the same time he looked up, his face uncharacteristically stoic. 'Sirius, you'd better-'

But Sirius cut him off. 'Look, Mr. Lupin, I know what you're going to say, and I know that it's a little awkward, but Moony's my best friend...and I like him...a lot... so if you know, you think this is wrong...it's not...I really do care for him...and I swear, I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt him, ever.' He said this all at once and breathed heavily once he was finished.

John looked at him with an amused expression. 'I was actually going to say you'd better bring your wand if you wanted to work on the spells, but thank you for your reassurance, Sirius. It was very thoughtful of you.'

Sirius felt himself turn red. 'Er...right, you're welcome.' He went to their couch and dug into the cushions. Over John's questioning glance, he grinned abashedly and took out his wand. 'Safekeeping,' he offered as an excuse and John rolled his eyes.

They were doing okay, thought Sirius, as he helped cast an intruder alarm. He hadn't said anything stupid as of yet. In fact, he'd kept his mouth firmly shut in fear of saying something so abysmally stupid that would leave the Lupins traumatised for the rest of their lives. He'd done enough for a day. It was stupid really. It was a known fact that behind the large exterior, John Lupin was a good man. Sirius had even had decent conversations with him before but somehow, him knowing about the two of them being together changed things. John loved his son a lot and there was something about his gaze that made Sirius feel like his every step was being scrutinised and mocked. Which was also stupid because John wasn't even looking at him.

Finally, John broke the silence. 'Remus told me you had a new bike - some kind of repair project of

yours.'

Sirius nodded, concentrating on his wand movement and not the fact that Remus talked about him. 'Yeah...just bought her last week, but haven't been able to do much. The DMLE kept me running with my forms and all.'

'Hm, mind if I take a look at it?'

'Er...' It wasn't that Sirius didn't like John, but his misfortune with anything on wheels was quite the legend.

'Remus has been talking to you about me, hasn't he?' John laughed. 'Fine then, I'll only help with the charms, right? Couple of levitation charms, invisibility charms...I'll even let Remus supervise me if you're scared I'll smash it against the wall.'

Sirius grinned. He must be doing good, he thought, if Remus's dad wanted to spend time with him. He mentally decided that he reward himself later. 'Yeah, I'd like that very much.'

xxx

Remus stood quietly at their bedroom doorway, chuckling to himself as he watched Sirius look into the TV with unconcealed fascination. Television was still new to Sirius, and he'd been intrigued the first day Remus had set it up.

'They're like moving pictures wound up in a box, Moony. Where do they come from? What do they do? Who are these people and why are we allowed to look into their lives? I mean, isn't it a bridge of privacy? Will they send us to prison if they find out?'

Remus had taken over an hour to explain that really, all these were for entertainment and the muggles were just acting. Acting, Moony? Why would someone want to pretend he's dying? Now, Sirius was even more fascinated by it than ever because he'd finally figured it out and it was bloody brilliant. Muggles are geniuses, I tell you.

Remus shook his head and walked over to the couch, seating himself on the other side. Sirius seemed to be too engrossed to even notice his presence. Remus shrugged and picked up the remote to change channels, when Sirius shouted so loud that Remus was sure his heart had just popped out of his chest.

'No, Moony! Don't switch! I'll miss my show!'

Remus rubbed his chest, frowning. 'They're showing commercials, Padfoot.'

Sirius pouted. 'Yeah, but it'll finish real quick. Come on, Moony. This is a really good episode.' When Remus raised an eyebrow, he proceeded to explain. 'Sandra'll be finding out that Barbara's pregnant with her husband, Mark's child today.'

Remus stared at him for awhile and promptly burst out laughing. 'Padfoot, you woman!' Sirius crossed his arms over his chest, looking highly disgruntled. 'Come on, don't tell you'd rather watch that than MTV.'

Sirius sulked. 'Yes, I would rather watch that than a big flaming fruit playing the piano.' Remus abruptly turned in his seat. 'Elton John's not gay.'

Sirius rolled his eyes and pointed at the outrageous pink furred outfit Elton John was wearing in his video. 'He just doesn't know it yet.'

'And you do?'

Sirius reached out for the remote in Remus's hands, but Remus quickly moved it away. 'Yes, my radar blinks every time they show him on screen.'

Remus stared at him. 'Your radar...'

Sirius rolled his eyes, clearly agitated over the fact that Remus could be this dense. 'Yes, my homosexuality radar,' he explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Remus didn't know if he should laugh or cry. 'Jesus, where do you come up with these?' He tucked the remote underneath the cushion he was sitting on. 'I suppose I have one too, but it's – let me guess – out of order?'

Sirius tried futilely to reach under Remus for the remote. 'Mine would be too if I were ogling at Freddie Mercury all day.'

Remus's jaw dropped open in shock. 'I do not ogle!' 'Yes, you do!'

Remus punched his friend's arm lightly. 'Wanker!' Sirius punched back. 'Arse!'

'Ponce!' Remus jumped on him.

And so, the scuffle ensued, where both boys were wrestling for the upper hand; pinning arms and rolling over each other in the small confines of their couch. It was a known fact that Remus was a lot stronger than his friend, but both of them were clearly enjoying this too much to for him to exert his actual strength. By the end of it, they both collapsed into the soft cushions, breathing heavily, legs and arms tangled around each other and both laughing too hard to move.

'We were supposed to have left by now – the Order meeting starts at nine,' said Remus in between chuckles. He pushed away errant strands of hair from Sirius's face and smiled when Sirius leaned into his touch.

Sirius glanced at the wall clock through the corner of his eyes. 'We still have two minutes, Moony, don't be such a stuck up prat.' Sirius leaned in for a kiss the same time Remus sat up, and he ended with a mouthful of his hair.

'Prongs and Wormtail are coming too, right?' asked Remus, summoning his and Sirius's boots from the rack.

Sirius sighed and sat up himself. 'Undoubtedly. The Marauders always stick together for a good cause!' He grinned and made a valiant gesture with his hands.

Remus snorted. 'Or a cheap thrill.'

Sirius put his hand his chest, making a show of gasping for air. 'Moony, you scandalise me! Here I am putting my life out there for the good of the Wizarding world and you-'

'Have been watching too many soaps,' finished Remus. 'Still, it's nice to have us guys doing

something together again, even if it is saving the world.'

Sirius nodded and pulled on his boots. 'Yeah, especially Wormtail. You should have seen how enthusiastic he was, Moony. I was so sure he was going to chicken out, but he seemed to be really willing to help out...even if it's because Prongs is in it.'

Remus smiled. 'He's a good chap, Wormtail.' He stood up and smoothed out his shirt. 'Take your jacket. It's cold outside and we'll have to walk a bit before we can apparate.'

Sirius grabbed Remus's hand and used it as leverage to pull himself up. 'Can't we just take my Bitch?'

'Ride on that contraption. Not on my life!'

next chapter

Order meeting...

Sirius sipped his tea quietly as he studied the names on his assignment sheet, his eyes occasionally drifting to watch the people around him. It was a rare occurrence – Sirius and silence didn't always make the best of couples, but the job at hand was his first for the Order, and he wanted to make sure he made a good first impression, however tedious and simple it might be.

Sirius's first Order meeting turned out to be somewhat of a disappointment really. He had expected it to be darker, perhaps a little more secretive, maybe even some glitz and glamour while they were at it. Sirius shook his head. Maybe Remus was right. Maybe he has been watching too much television.

Still, even James seemed a bit...well, put off, especially since there had been liberal amounts of sunshine in the conference room instead of being dark and dangerous. Not to mention, the meeting seemed more of a political discussion over biscuits (homemade) and tea. Black family dinners had been more menacing.

The meeting had its upsides of course. Dumbledore had elaborated on some of the finer points of the war and Voldemort, and it turned out that the Daily Prophet was concealing more than it was reporting; the war was a lot further ahead than he had initially thought. It was juvenile of course, but Sirius had never been more eager to fight before now. Not only because he saw himself as valiant and victorious, but also because he truly believed his presence could make a difference and Dumbledore had clarified it.

Sirius had also had the fortune (and misfortune in some cases) to meet a handful of new people. The Weasleys, for instance, who had always been infamous back in Grimmauld Place for their breeding habits and love for muggles. It came as no surprise that they were irresistibly nice people, well Arthur Weasley at least. Sirius didn't like Molly too much, and she seemed only happy to reciprocate his feelings. She was too overbearing and molly coddling for her age; not to mention, she kept glaring at Sirius's hair as if it was the second biggest abomination on Earth after Voldemort. It was quite unfair, he concluded, especially when Remus's hair was a lot longer and at least two inches past his shoulder.

Sirius looked at Remus - who was sitting beside him and talking animatedly with Hagrid - through the corner of his eyes. It explained things really, why no one ever glared at the Remus. He had the cute factor – it was irresistible, at least according to Sirius. It probably made Molly (mothering as she was) want to sit him on a high chair and feed him home cooked meals all day.

Then there was Shaklebolt, who Sirius had met at work and thought was quite decent up until

today. They'd all known about Remus being a werewolf of course, John Lupin was unabashed and open about it in the Order. Yet, when Dumbledore had introduced Remus to everyone for the first time, he'd been the only one to object with a vocal 'ridiculous!', that neither the Marauders nor John appreciated. It takes some getting used to, Remus had said with a soft smile when Sirius had wanted to retaliate, he's not prejudiced, just surprised.Remus was right of course, as always.

Then, there was Dung, whose name clearly expressed his sense of style and his attitude towards most things quite graphically. That didn't mean he was dislikeable by any means; Dung had his own brand of charm. He was very well informed about slums and dumps of the wizard underground and had the most notorious and amusing stories to tell. He was a thief, undoubtedly, but one that did very little harm except when he tried to steal all their tea spoons. That was a bit inconvenient. He was currently in rapid conversation with Peter, who was trying to get a few of his belongings sold, namely that horrid orange couch in his living room.

Then there was Frank and Alice Longbottom – blissfully married and sickeningly in love. Both were two of best Aurors in DMLE, incredibly smart, nice, old school friends, and recently, very good friends with James and Lily. Sirius didn't like them either, only because they were stealing his best friends.

Lastly, there were the Prewett brothers; bright blond hair, blue eyes, tall and well built, and though they weren't identical, they were equally good looking. Especially Fabian, whom Sirius couldn't help but glance at every so often. He wondered briefly if he was being unfaithful to Remus, but shook it off. It wasn't like he cared for Fabian Prewett or found him attractive enough to actually do something about it. Besides, the man was married with a child.

'Nice, isn't he?' whispered Remus in his ear. Hagrid had just left to talk to Dumbledore.

Sirius closed his eyes and smiled contently. 'I hadn't noticed.' A hand rested at the back of his chair, applying subtle pressure to the back of his neck.

Remus chuckled and leaned back into his chair. 'I prefer Gideon to be honest.' Sirius turned, an eyebrow raised. 'Oh?'

'Hm, Fabian's nice if you're looking for the boy-next-door kind, but Gideon...' Remus growled softly.

Both of Sirius's eyebrows shot up. 'You're doing this just to freak me out, aren't you?'

Remus pretended not to hear. 'He's available too.'

Sirius rolled his eyes and smacked Remus up the head. 'Yes, he's just waiting for us to jump on him.' Sirius blinked. 'And am I talking about a potential threesome here? What did Molly put in our tea?'

Remus laughed but went on. Sirius wasn't sure if Remus was just making fun of him or actually serious. 'Think about it, he's gorgeous, he's over twenty five and he isn't going out with anyone. If that isn't an indication, I –'

Thankfully, that's when James decided to interrupt. 'What are you two faggots talking about, eh?' He leaned on both their shoulders amiably.

'The recent abandonment of our so called best friend,' replied Sirius pushing James's elbow out of his face.

'Aw, come on you guys, it's not like I was having fun.' James pouted hopefully.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other. 'Uh-huh. What do you think would be the nicest china pattern, darling?' Sirius mocked, fluttering his eyes at Remus. 'The blue or the yellow?'

James cuffed them simultaneously 'It was Lily's idea, I swear. She thinks we should hang around with more couples.'

'We're a couple!' Sirius huffed, gesturing between him and Remus who quickly swatted his hand away, looking around to see if anyone had heard.

James rolled his eyes and pulled up a chair beside them. 'Hardly, I overheard you guys talking about Gideon there. You might want to keep it down...'

Remus had the decency to look abashed, but Sirius just grinned. 'Jealous, Prongs?'

'You wish.' He reached out for Sirius's assignment paper and looked over it carefully. 'What have you got then?'

Sirius snatched the paper back and folded it into his front pocket. 'Suspected Death Eaters. Supposed to look through them in the Ministry records. See what I can find out...me and Alice Longbottom.'

James scrunched up his nose. 'Sounds like a right bore. I got paired with Moody, street patrol.'

Remus shrugged. 'That isn't much fun either unless something actually happens. I got street patrol too...with dad.'

James grinned and pinched Remus's cheeks. 'Aw, isn't that cute! Daddy's little angel off to save the world!'

'Leave him alone, Prongs,' said Sirius, smiling slightly. He knew Remus had actually opted to go with his father willingly. Something about a learning experience from a trained professional and what not. Gobshit. Sirius knew Remus better than that.

Remus smiled back and squeezed Sirius's thigh underneath the table as a small thank you. He glanced at the wall clock and swiftly got up. 'I should get going. Mum will want dad home by midnight. I'll see you tonight, Padfoot.' He nodded towards James. 'Prongs.'

James nodded back, taking over Remus's seat. 'You won't believe some of the stunts I learned at the pitch today. Our captain's got these...'

Sirius tuned James out as he watched Remus walk to stand beside his father. It wasn't that James' story was boring. Au contraire, it was quite interesting the first fifty times but now, Sirius had other things in mind, namely Remus. He had been hoping that whatever task they'd be assigned, the Marauders would get it together as a team. That way they all looked out for each other, just like in Hogwarts. It wasn't that Sirius was the worrying kind. He was all for action and the thrill of something dangerous, but there had been a nagging feeling at the back of his mind ever since he arrived here. Maybe it was animal instinct or maybe just friendly concern. It could even be jealousy over Remus getting the more active job. Either ways, Sirius opted to ignore it and simply watched Remus for the pleasure of it.

Remus was standing beside his father, chatting to Dumbledore when it caught Sirius – the likeness. Merlin. It wasn't that Sirius had never seen them together before, but he had never actually seen them stand this close to each other, in line. It was like looking through some odd

mirror caught between the past and the future. Remus and John Lupin were identical in nearly every aspect – the same hair, the same chiseled features, and even nearing to the same body build. They were so alike that it seemed they were only different versions of themselves. Sirius could already see Remus twenty years from now in John Lupin. It was erotic in the most absurd of ways and Sirius found himself completely unable to look away.

So when Remus caught him staring and winked, Sirius blushed and tried hard to concentrate on James' mouth moving. He didn't think Remus would appreciate him having a hard on after looking at him and his father.

'...and then we got the Wronski Feint down...'

xxx

John looked at his son through the corner of his eyes and sighed. He fished out a pocket of cigarettes from his jacket and lit one. 'Smoke?' he asked, offering the packet to Remus.

Remus waved it away with his hand. 'I don't-.'

John snorted, blowing out thick grey swirls. 'Remus, I'm your father. There's very little you can hide from me.'

Remus smiled abashedly and took one, lighting it with his wand.

John pocketed the packet back. 'Don't tell your mother. She thinks I'm a bad influence on you.' 'Dad, you are a bad influence on me,' replied Remus, grinning and blowing out smoke.

'I taught you your first spell at the age of four, you ungrateful brat,' said John, waving his cigarette around indignantly. It was a show of course; he was just trying to get Remus comfortable enough to spill whatever was on his mind. 'Bet not many fathers raise their children to be that smart at an early age, eh?'

Remus rolled his eyes. 'Dad, you let me use your wand when I barely had the capacity to form proper sentences, and my first spell turned Gran's hair blue.'

John slapped his cheek lightly. 'That's because she told me I was a bad influence on you. Words like that cannot go unpunished.'

Remus laughed but quieted down quickly. John didn't say anything. It would come; he knew his son; and the trick to get him to talk was to let him take his own time and think things out. If it was important, he would tell. He always did, to John at least. He blew out his last puff of smoke and let the cigarette drop under his foot.

'Dad?'

The old man was never wrong. 'Hm?'

Remus stopped walking and bit his lip. 'How do you know mum loves you?'

John stopped as well. He hadn't been expecting a question like that. 'She told me over dinner, right before she told me I had to throw out the garbage tonight.'

Remus chuckled. 'No, I mean, before...you know...'

'Before we got married?' John smiled and started walking again, urging Remus to do the same. 'Well, she'd tell it to me quite often. Women – very in touch with their feelings and all.'

Remus gave an 'I wouldn't know' shrug.

'Besides, it was inevitable. She was the girl next door, my play mate since we were in diapers, and pen pals later on when I went to Hogwarts.' John's eyes took a faraway look to them as if remembering fond memories. 'We were bound to get together eventually.'

Remus turned to him. 'Did you?'

John broke out of his reverie 'Did I what?' Remus shrugged. 'You know...ever say it?'

John shook his head. 'Not a lot. You know me - actions speak louder than words, and the fact that I couldn't wait to knock her up with you till we got married proves it, doesn't it?' He grinned slyly as Remus groaned.

'Dad!' Remus touched his ears checking if they'd been scarred permanently. 'I really didn't need to hear that.'

'What? It's not like you don't know. You asked me a question, I gave a frank answer.' 'Lewd's the word you're looking for.'

John stuffed his hands in his pockets as they walked in silence for awhile, giving Remus time to think things over. Finally, he spoke, 'Don't wait.'

Remus blinked. 'Huh?'

John ran a hand through his hair. 'It's what your mum would say. Don't wait till the last minute, especially with this war going on, you know. I'm not-'

Remus suddenly stopped and grabbed his father's forearm. 'Wait.' His body tensed and they both reached out for their wands simultaneously. 'Lum-'

'EXPELLIARMUS!'

Their wands flew out of their hands, and Remus suddenly found himself hurtling through the air, all the wind knocked out of him. He came to an abrupt stop when he collided into a nearby wall and fell to a crumpled heap on the sidewalk. There were stars dancing around his head, as Remus fought to gain focus. After repeated blinking, his vision finally cleared to reveal his father a few feet away from him, eyes clenched in pain.

Remus rubbed the back of head and struggled to his knees. 'Dad, are you okay?' John gritted his teeth. 'My back.'

'Remus, Remus Lupin...'

Remus's blood ran cold. He recognised that voice. How could he not? Here, oh God, he was here. The hair at the back of his neck stood up in warning, his instincts screaming bloody murder, and just run, run as fast as you can!, but the rational part of his told him to stay. He would be dead faster the other way; and his father was here, wounded - Remus couldn't leave him here. This was what he had signed up for, wasn't it? This was what the Order was about...

'I was hoping we'd meet again.'

Remus moved towards his father, keeping a strong hold on him as he helped him to his feet. Apparate! Take dad and apparate! He closed his eyes and envisioned his flat – warm and cosy with Sirius there, waiting for him. But nothing happened. Apparition wards! When did this happen? Why didn't I notice? John groaned loudly beside him, and Remus realised that he was having a hard time standing up, even with Remus supporting most of his weight.

He pulled John closer, watching with growing apprehension and unable to run as the owner of the voice revealed himself.

Voldemort.

'You've grown since I last saw you.'

His voice was silky, deeper than Remus remembered it. His appearance had become more menacing – the once remotely handsome face was as white as chalk, his cheeks hollowed and his eyes now dark slits. Long black robes camouflaged him entirely with the night, illuminating only so often when he passed by a street lamp. Inhuman...there was no other word to describe him. With every step he took, warmth evaporated and dread took over.

Remus could feel his heart pumping wild with adrenaline, as Voldemort's face loomed inches from his and long skeletal fingers ran down his cheeks. 'I've heard so much about you.' The fingers moved to the back of his neck and traced every letter of the registry code accurately. 'Fenrir tells me you have refused his offer?'

Remus had been so frozen with fear that he hadn't noticed the lurking shadows apart from Voldemort himself. There were Death Eaters – three of them and a werewolf - Fenrir Greyback, whose scent stood out distinctly among all of them. He was concealed by shadows mostly, but easily distinguishable from the yellow eyes that looked at John with pure blood lust.

Out of instinct, Remus found his body moving forward, just enough to cover his father. 'I have,' he replied, sounding braver than he felt. He saw a shine of sharp, canine teeth in the dark, and he knew Greyback had smelled the terror off him.

Voldemort raised a skeptical eyebrow. 'Is the pay not good enough?'

Remus found it hard to maintain eye contact and tried his best to not let his eyes wander. He would not give them the satisfaction of his fear. 'It's fine. I just got another job.'

'At a muggle store?' Voldemort tutted. 'Not quite living up to your expectations, are you?'

Defenceless. He was defenceless without his wand. Every part of him was being stripped and torn apart under Voldemort's gaze. Inch by painful inch. His senses had magnified to detect even the smallest gasps and pained sounds coming from his father; or maybe it was him - he couldn't tell. He knew it was selfish for him to think so, but Remus was glad for John's presence and his silence. The wrong words could trigger a fight neither of them was prepared for. He just needed to think rationally; find a way to escape or at least, get their wands back.

Voldemort fingered the silver etchings on the handle of his wand. 'I've been asked to help you reconsider. Fenrir seems to think that I'm...very convincing...'

Remus's eyes moved around slightly, looking for an escape. 'I already gave Mr. Greyback my final answer.'

Voldemort smiled, slowly walking around them. 'And your reasons are purely professional?' he asked slyly, twirling Remus's hair with his wand and moving it away from his neck.

'My reasons are purely my concern.' Remus had finally spotted their wands - shattered into pieces beside one of the shorter Death Eaters. He could feel the little hope he'd had left deflate inside of him.

'Remus, Remus, you're a man now. It is time you set aside your grudges and embrace the power given to you. Fenrir's attack is an event of your past and while you must always learn from past experiences, you must not dwell on them, wouldn't you agree John?' Voldemort turned with a swish of his cloak and smiled cruelly.

John who had been silent all this while, simply glared and Remus watched admirably as he masked his pain. 'There is no power in taking innocent lives.'

Voldemort clapped his hands together and laughed. 'How heroic!' He brought his face closer to Remus, red eyes boring into him dangerously. 'You want to be like your father someday, don't you, Remus – strong, courageous, an utter fool...'

Remus said nothing, but his insides boiled with contempt and suppressed anger. They would not win; they would not stimulate a rash response out of him...

'Take him,' Voldemort drawled, his arm waving nonchalantly towards John as he addressed the Death Eaters.

Remus's hold tightened the same time they made to grab for John. He did not have a wand, but he had inhuman strength and there was no way he would let them touch his father. He fought against them, hitting them with one arm while holding on to John with the other who was fighting just as hard through all his pain. Remus was just about to deliver another blow when a warm floating sensation filled his mind, and a feeling of utter peace over took him.

A soft voice whispered in his ear. 'Remus, let go.'

I can't...

'You can,' the voice urged. 'Let go and you'll never worry about anything again.'

The prospect seemed enticing, the voice so insistent and trustworthy. Why couldn't he let go, Remus wondered. It seemed stupid to hold on, really.

It was his father's voice screaming his name that brought him crashing into reality. 'No' He told the invisible voice. 'No. No. I can't. NO!

There was blinding pain like nothing he'd ever felt before. Worse than his transformations, worse than the time he'd ripped off all the skin from his back. It was like hot iron needles trying to enter his skin - infecting him, cutting him - and all he could do was scream. Scream and scream and scream because it wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop, oh god, please make it stop! I'll do anything to make it stop!

And just when he was sure his head was going to burst, it stopped and the pain immediately dulled away. Remus opened his eyes, unaware of when he'd closed them. His heart stopped when he saw John in front of him, only somehow standing between two of the Death Eaters, tightly bound and gagged.

'Dad!' He tried to move but felt himself held back by an invisible force. 'Let him go!'

Voldemort appeared not to hear as he paced elegantly between them. 'You see, Remus, I have ways of convincing people, but in the end, the choice is always left for them to make.' He licked his lips, forked tounge peeking out only slightly. 'Free will is very important when it comes to decision making, but your father seems to always make them for you. Do not worry. He will not be harmed.' He smiled nastily, revealing a different intent. 'All you have to do is listen.'

Remus eyed his father who had stopped struggling against his bonds to look back at his son, trusting him. 'If I do, will you let him go?'

Voldemort linked his fingers together. 'You're the first of your kind, Remus, to hold magical ability to such an extent - a combination of your own Dark Magic and one that you are naturally born with as a wizard. I'm sure you know that.' He did not wait for an answer to continue. 'What is it that you want, Remus? What is it that all your kind wants?'

Freedom, thought Remus. It was all that he wanted right now.

'Freedom,' repeated Voldemort as if reading into his thoughts. 'And you have the potential to give these werewolves what they rightfully deserve. What they were supposed to be born with but were denied by wizards who think they are higher mortals. You, Remus, could lead them to a better future.'

He'd heard it. He'd heard it a thousand times and it had been believable at first, but Remus had learned through trial and error. He knew these were simply words made to manipulate his mind. Voldemort was telling him what he wanted to hear, not what was real. His words were deceit, hand in hand with a lie – the wolf could smell it and the human could see it. Leglimency, Remus realised, like Dumbledore. Voldemort was using it to read into his mind, find out what he truly wanted and block out any possible means of escape.

Slowly, Remus began to concentrate on shutting down his thoughts. They'd learnt the basics of Occlumency in their seventh year, but Remus had known it better than anyone in his class - except Snape - and he had his father to thank. 'They'd be hunted down irrespective,' Remus said slowly, trying to buy time. 'My magical powers won't suffice against an army of Ministry Officials.'

Voldemort blinked lazily and smiled. 'It will if you have Lord Voldemort by your side. Therefore, I ask you to join me.'

Remus prepared himself for any sort of blow that might come as he replied in a single word: 'No.' Voldemort shrugged. 'It is your decision.' He turned to the Death Eaters and Remus was sure they

were going to kill him. 'Untie the bonds around his mouth.'

John's gag fell to the ground and Remus nearly sighed with relief, when Voldemort whipped his

wand in a severe motion and Remus saw more than heard the words Crucio! form on his lips.

His father screaming was the most horrifying thing he'd ever heard, and Remus struggled desperately to be free of the spell binding him. 'Stop it!' He screamed, blood rushing to his face, making it burn with rage and desperation. 'Stop it!'

Voldemort took away his wand and watched with sick satisfaction as John tried to catch his breath. 'I'll never understand this...this...emotion...' He waved his hand around airily. 'What do you call it again? Love, is it?' He chuckled to himself, tracing irrelevant patterns in the air with his wand. 'Tell me Remus, what hurts more? When I inflict pain on you – Crucio!'

The spell hit at the blink of an eye and oh god! Not again! His mind and body screamed in

excruciating pain. There was no blood, but there were red spots forming behind his eyelids, his fists clenching till his nails drew blood from his palm, bitter bile rising in his throat.

And then it stopped and Remus never felt this wonderful his entire life...

Voldemort smiled as Remus's body sagged. 'Or is it more agonising to watch a loved one go

through the same pain – Crucio!'

John was screaming again, and it rang in Remus's ears like a bad dream, echoing louder with every passing second. He felt a pull of desperation, a fist clench at his heart, and when the first few tears started leaking out of his father's eyes, Remus felt the corner of his own eyes sting hotly. He would do anything...anything to make them stop, as long as they didn't kill him; as long as he didn't have to watch his father go through so much pain...

'Stop!' screamed Remus finally, his resolve crumbling. 'Please, what do you want?'

Voldemort laughed and pocketed his wand. 'What I want Remus, is the world at my feet.' He glided towards Remus, lips brushing his ear as he whispered the last of his sentence. 'But from you...just one word.'

'Don't you dare, Remus!' John panted out, despite the pain he was in. 'You hear me, don't you fucking dare!'

Voldemort rolled his eyes exasperatedly and muttered a silent Crucio! against Remus's ears.' Quite a fighter, your old man,' he said, delighting in the screams that echoed throughout the streets.

Remus was close to tears now, and he closed his eyes unable to watch his father – the same man he'd thought invincible a writhing mass of pain. It hurt too much and he briefly wondered why no one was coming to help them. Surely, no one could stay awake through all that screaming. 'Stop,' he whispered slowly, and he would have fallen to his knees if it hadn't been for the binding spell. 'Just stop, I'm begging you.'

'Your choices are simple, Remus – black and white. If you say no, you leave your father in pain, perhaps even death...' Voldemort's wand lowered and Remus found himself breathing again. 'You say yes, I will guarantee the life you and your family has always wanted. You will have Lord Voldemort's protection and his word.'

Remus stared at John for a long time. He wanted to say yes, fuck, he wanted to say yes because he was sure he wouldn't survive another Crucio to his father. But he also knew how disappointed John would be; how much hatred John had for the Dark Arts. Most of all, he knew that John would rather die than have Remus convert to the other side.

'No,' he said firmly, head falling to his chest.

Instantly, Remus found himself falling to the ground. The body bind had been withdrawn and his body felt stiff from disuse.

Voldemort shook his head sadly. 'Then I have no purpose here. I have mentioned before, Remus that I believe in free will. By my own rules, this is the part where I leave you free to your own devices. Have it known that your defeat is unavoidable when you're fighting for Dumbledore. You are a pawn in his game while you are a king in mine.' He turned towards Greyback, who had been an uncharacteristically silent observer of the show all this time. So silent that Remus had almost forgotten about him. 'However, my friend, Fenrir has been of the utmost service to me, and I cannot deny him a favour. You see, Remus, Fenrir has opened his world to you as a father, a guide,

but you have turned your back on him.'

Remus couldn't be bothered to listen to Voldemort. The Death Eaters had let John go and Remus rushed to help him before he fell and injured himself any further.

'You are now a potential threat to his noble work.'

'Are you okay?' asked Remus quietly and breathed a small sigh of relief when his father smiled and

clung on to him hard. 'I thought-' 'I'm proud of you,' interrupted John.

'So I can do nothing but leave him to you to decide a suitable punishment.' Voldemort smiled cold- heartedly. 'Goodbye, Remus. Give my regards to my dead father.'

It was the last declaration that caught Remus's attention and it took a while for him to register the true meaning of Voldemort's words. By then, Voldemort had already vanished and Greyback had sprung on him. Greyback's attack came as such a surprise that Remus promptly let go of his father, reeling back and falling down on his back.

'Remus!'

Remus screamed more out of surprise than pain, when Greyback sunk his teeth deep into Remus's shoulder - exactly where he'd bitten before. The wound opened and blood gushed out, staining Greyback's teeth and making him look even more maniacal. The old werewolf was feeding on the wound, sucking and biting, and Remus pushed him off in fear; but he clung. He clung, sharp nails dragging across his skin and digging into his flesh. He clung despite Remus punching and kicking at him frantically.

Remus could hear his father shouting through his own screams, and he knew in his mind that John was trying his best to just stand and help him. 'Get off my son, you motherfucker! Get the fuck off him! Remus!'

Even the Death Eaters just stood there, flabbergastered, watching with sick fascination as Fenrir tore at him like an animal. Remus's eyes rolled to the back of his head in pain and only through that haze did he realise that one of the Death Eaters had been looking directly at him. His eyes met with black glittering ones, filled with disgust and apathy, and Remus knew he'd seen them before; but his mind was too caught up in pain, as Fenrir clawed into him ferociously, eating at his flesh.

Remus screamed and screamed, almost giving up fighting, when he felt himself being pulled away by a larger force, Fenrir's nails dragging cuts across his skin in the process. He met the Death Eater's dark, intense gaze, before let his eyes fall shut. For the second time that day, Remus's head collided with a wall, followed by a sickening crack. He fell to the ground with such impact that he was sure he'd broken a rib. He could feel cool wetness creeping down his hair and neck, could even hear the sounds of it dripping on to the pavement.

He didn't want to move, he couldn't if he wanted to. He just wanted to die. Die and end it now.

'That's enough Greyback,' said a cold voice, and he knew it belonged to that Death Eater, because like his eyes, even his voice felt familiar. Remus tried to remember, but it hurt too much and he stopped, feeling disoriented and confused. 'Your displays are disgusting and futile. It is a well known fact that magic can cause a lot more pain.'

Remus opened his eyes but only saw a tornado of colours all blurring together. He blinked rapidly, trying to focus. The world righted itself for awhile and Remus saw the Death Eater raise his wand

and his eyes promptly fell shut again. He didn't think he could survive another Crucio but prepared himself for it nevertheless. Maybe this time he would get lucky, maybe this time the pain would kill him.

'Crucio!'

He waited patiently for the pain but when nothing came, he opened his eyes in confusion and was

met with his father's blue irises.

'Remus,' John wheezed out. Had his father taken the blow instead? 'Remus, I need your help...' John looked up and Remus saw the outlines of a weak Protego around them, just enough to keep the worst of the spell away. 'Remus, can you hear me?'

Remus stared as the protection shield shimmered when another Crucio spell hit and despite his daze, he knew this was a hoax. John was too weak to cast a strong enough shield for the spell to completely reflect, especially if it was strongly intended to cause pain. That Death Eater was helping them, buying them time and using their Protego as an excuse to not hurt them.

'Remus, focus!' His dad shook his shoulders and Remus's whole world shook out of center. 'I'm going to combine our magic to send for help, okay? Give me your hand.'

Half understanding, Remus let his father hold both his hands tightly. Things were getting groggier now, his vision pulling in and out of focus. There was a slight pulling sensation in the middle of his chest, and Remus was about to let his eyelids drop from exhaustion when he felt the pain. It wasn't as bad as the Crucio but excruciating just the same. He felt as if his soul was being pulled out of his body by hook and thread, and he tried to pull his hands back, but John kept a tight hold.

'Dad, it hurts,' he cried almost childishly, still fighting to get free. Why was his father hurting him too? What did he do wrong?

'I know. I'm sorry,' said John squeezing his hands tightly in reassurance. 'It'll be over soon, but before that can you do your old man a favour? Can you think of happy memories? Can you do that, lad? As many as you want.'

It wasn't hard to think of happy memories, not really. His mind was already reeling haphazardly; shifting from one thought to another. He'd already lost control of most of his body, at least he thought so, but what did he know? Maybe he never had control in the first place. Maybe this wasn't his body? Was it possible to have your mind in one place and your body in another?

'Remus, please!'

Remus's mind was playing a movie now but it was horribly edited. There was no organisation at all. It kept switching from the past to the present, sometimes even the future, or at least, what he dreamt of sometimes as the future. They would never really happen, his mind had told him that many times.

He saw the first time he'd ridden a two-wheeler without falling

Sirius holding him after sex, stroking his hair lovingly and placing the softest kisses on his temple. He and his father shopping for supplies for his first year in Hogwarts.

The Marauders changing back from their Animagus forms – Wormtail, Prongs, Padfoot, and him – Moony. He liked that name, though he'd never admit it.

Biting into his mother's chocolate chip cookies after a grueling transformation. They were his favourite.

'Remus, say it with me okay? Expecto Patronum.'

Aunt Nash pretending to scold the stairs after he'd fallen off them and scraped his knees. She

always made him laugh and he loved her a lot, even if she was a bit mad.

James and Peter telling Remus they didn't care if he was werewolf.

'Remus! I need you to concentrate!'

Remus was six and he'd just come back from the hospital, and daddy was always screaming. Not screaming at him, but about him, and Remus hated it.

'Remus.' John was squeezing his hands painfully tight now, and Remus blinked.

He was back on the hard pavement and his father's dirt streaked face faded in and out. His father needed help, he concluded. Remus would help him, that's what he'd do. 'Expecto Patronum,' they chorused together and it hurt so much that he didn't want to do it again.

John urged him to repeat it, again and again, and with every incantation, Remus's world got a little darker. The pain hadn't decreased but suddenly, he didn't have the energy to care anymore. He didn't want to do this anymore and he wished they would just stop. His head felt woozy, it refused to work; his body had already shut down a long time ago under all that pressure.

'Expecto Patronum.'

The little vision he had disappeared completely, and a small bubble panic welled up in Remus chest as blindness overtook him. 'Dad, I can't see...' He didn't even want to talk anymore. It took too much out of him. Just breathing seemed like a feat now.

One of his father's hands untangled from his and stroked his sweat and blood soaked hair. 'Just one last time and I promise, it'll be over. Just one more, please.'

Remus wanted to nod but gave up in the end when his neck refused to respond to his brain. He took a deep breath and mustered up the last of his strength.

'EXPECTO PATRONUM!'

Pain, unbearable pain, and Remus would have screamed if he had any force left in him. He could feel his conscious slipping away, and he struggled to gain control. His father needed his help and he wanted to. Wanted to protect him so bad, but he couldn't even see, couldn't understand what was going on.

'Dad,' he whispered, every word costing him his breath. 'I can't-'

John let go of his hands and pulled him closer until Remus's head was lying on his chest. 'I know. It's okay...it's over.' There were hands smoothing out his hair; a comforting warmth making him drowsy. 'Sleep if you have to. I'm here, lad, I'm here.'

Remus surrendered to the soft murmurings of his father and let the last of his conscious slide. The last thing he felt was the slight brush of feathers against his cheek.

another chapter

First Street Patrol, 1979

James kicked an empty cola can across the street, sighing irritably. This was absolutely not his idea of a mission, patrol or not. He'd expected a little more excitement, maybe a couple of bad guys (robbers, thieves, hijackers, anything!). After all, he was with Alastor Moody – the man all Death Eaters and a couple of Ministry officials wanted out of their way. Unfortunately, Moody even managed to scare away the garden squirrels that James had been hoping would launch on them, with his incessant talk about-

'Constant vigilance, my boy!' Moody exclaimed, his blue eye moving rapidly. That's what I tell your friend, Black, and all the other trainees!'

James inwardly recited the next few lines out of Moody's speech. He'd heard it at least five times in the same hour.

'The enemy knows no limits. He will attack anyone, anywhere and anytime.'

James rolled his eyes. He looked up at the moon and grinned. It would be full moon in two days, and they were going to let Moony out in the open for once instead of that dingy old basement in their building where Moony always tore himself apart. They'd discovered a nice desolate area outside the city that was perfect for a werewolf – open and close to nature.

'Why, I remember my first day on the job. I was-'

Suddenly, James's eyes caught something silvery up in the sky, and he raised his wand to get a better look. It looked like some kind of bird a falcon perhaps?

'What is that?' James asked, more to himself than Moody. He'd never seen a bird like it.

Moody stopped his rant and followed James's gaze. Instantly, he brought himself in front of black haired boy, covering and protecting him from any harm. James growled in frustration but said nothing and kept his wand ready. The bird didn't look dangerous by any means, but it was usually the most peaceful of things that turned out to be the most lethal.

'It's a Patronus,' Moody whispered, once the bird had gotten closer. He bent his right arm, allowing shimmering white talons to wrap around it.

It was a falcon, James realised. He recognised its markings from his Muggle Studies class. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen – sleek silver feathers that shone purer than the moon, sharp, attentive eyes and the proud, majestic stature of a true hunter. But as its head bent down to

whisper in Moody's ear, James noticed that it was flickering, fading in and out in certain places. Whoever had produced it either hadn't used a very happy memory or wasn't being able to hold on to his magic very well.

Moody's eye rolled dangerously in its socket and his grip on his wand tightened, as the falcon finished its message and dissolved into the night air. 'Potter!' he growled, '15th - now!'

James eyes widened. 'Isn't that where-'

But Moody had already apparated, and James had no choice but to follow. He closed his eyes and concentrated as hard as he could, trying to quell the panic that was slowly rising up his throat. He found himself appearing in a dimly lit street, stretching to full height with a loud crack and an unexpected crunch under his feet. He looked down to see the remains of what appeared to be two wands broken to splinters beneath his right foot; and with a sickening feeling he realised, one of them – the deep maroon- was Remus's.

He heard Moody bark angrily, 'Motherfuckers escaped!'

There was a dome of sorts a few blocks away, seemingly made out of the same silvery material as the Patronus. James ran towards it, heart beating fast as his wand light revealed two figures slumped beneath it. The shield appeared to be disappearing as he got closer, and it wasn't until he'd collided into it with full force that he realised it was a Protego and likely to be transparent.

'Shit! Mr Lupin!'

John Lupin was lying flat on his stomach, his son shielded partly beneath him. Remus's face was pressed tightly to his father's chest, a protective arm wrapped around him. Both their blood stained hair spilled to the ground, covering most of their faces and making it impossible for James to know if they were conscious or even alive.

Were they breathing? Oh God, was Remus breathing?

James pressed his palms against the Protego, the magic holding it crackling dangerously where his skin made contact. The shield itself was weak but stable enough to keep entire bodies out. 'Mr. Lupin, let your shield down!' There was no response and James banged his fist against the shield with desperation, sending out golden sparks. 'Mr. Lupin!'

There was slight movement as John Lupin shifted his shoulders to look up and James nearly sighed in relief.

'Mr. Lupin, your-aaahhhh!' James screamed in horror as Mr. Lupin's face rose up to meet his. The irises of John's eyes had gone white, almost silver, and distinguishable from the whites of his eyes only by the dark blue border around them. 'Oh, Merlin!'

James could hear footsteps running towards him, Moody, no doubt, probably expecting trouble after hearing his scream. James pushed his terror down and tried to meet Mr. Lupin's eyes without having bile rising up his throat.

'Mr. Lupin, let go of your Protego,' said James, his heart trying to beat holes through his chest.

But John didn't seem to recognise him at all. In fact, he was looking right through James. Could he

see at all? Except for the slight rise and fall of his chest, John hardly even seemed to be moving.

'Potter, pull that shield down! They could be dying in there!' growled Moody, his wooden leg echoing noisily in the otherwise silent streets.

James turned away from John Lupin's empty gaze. 'I can't,' he replied desperately, putting his hand over Moody's wand as well. 'They're using wandless magic! If I pull it down, it'll hurt them!'

Moody touched the shield with a calloused finger, watching the rainbow of colours that appeared under the pressure. 'Son of a bitch...' His fake eye rolled on its own accord, inspecting the shield and its surrounding. 'It's not even; it's thinner in some places - to the back...' Moody's brow furrowed. 'The shield's weaker there. We might be able to get in.'

James nodded, walking around the circumference of the shield with his palms pressed tightly against the surface. He could see one of Remus's legs bent at an odd angle underneath Mr. Lupin and hurried his pace. True to word, there was a gap in the shield, and James felt himself sliding through it easily, immediately followed by Mad-Eye Moody.

'I'll take John,' grunted Moody, as he hooked his arms under Mr. Lupin's arms and lifted him off the ground. A soft whimper of pain escaped John's lips as his eyes slid shut, a bit to James's relief. 'You take the cub. Mungo's, and don't waste time.'

James nodded, distracted only for a moment as theProtego shimmered unsteadily and then disappeared completely. He kneeled down and pulled Remus against him. He was unusually light, James realised. Had he always been this way? James didn't have time to worry over how every inch of Remus's face was covered by blood and dirt, or how his every breath came out as shallow rasps – there wasn't any time. He tightened his arms around his friend and apparated.

When he reached Mungo's, there was already a group of five Medi-witches attending to Mr. Lupin, checking his pulse and other vitals as they levitated him to what James guessed was the Critical Ward.

'I'm going to Dumbledore's,' James heard Moody say before he disappeared with a crack.

James couldn't care less where Moody was going; his friend's life was slowly waning as they stood. 'Can someone please help me?' James called desperately, his eyes darting around for help. He pulled Remus closer to him as his friend's limp body threatened to slip from in between his arms. 'Hurry!' He screamed, even though he could already see two Medi-witches running towards him.

One of the Medi-witches – the dumpier one – pushed away Remus's matted hair from his neck to check for a pulse and froze instantly. 'Sir, your friend is a werewolf,' she stated, fingering the registry code at the nape of Remus's neck. James stared; the code was hidden so often with Remus's long hair that James had even forgotten it existed.

'I know he's a werewolf, ' James said, his throat going dry. He could feel a steady stream of wetness soaking his shirt where he held Remus's head; and he didn't have to look down to know it was blood. 'But he was atta-'

'Do you have its forms, sir?' the Medi-witch interrupted, her tone harsher than it had started out.

James could feel Remus's heart slowing down against his chest, and his own quickened with panic and desperation. 'No, I don't have any of his forms. Please, I just came in, and he was attacked and I-'

The Medi-witch raised a silencing hand. 'Sir, I need its forms. It's standard medical procedure. We're not allowed to treat dangerous magical creatures without them.'

James didn't know what forms they were talking about. He didn't know what forms Remus needed

to save his life. Oh God, even if he apparated back to Sirius's flat to get them, he'd never make it on time. What if they left him here to die? They couldn't. Surely, they had better understanding of life than that. 'I-I'll get them, I swear. Can you please take him in...I don't know how long he's been like this. I'll run to his place and get whatever you need. Please-'

The nurse closed her eyes in frustration, clearly not interested in James's explanation. 'Sir, I understand your situation, but we cannot break Ministry rules. The hospital can get into trouble-'

'I DON"T CARE!' James screamed suddenly, unable to believe what was happening. 'HE'S DYING, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?' His voice cracked and he held Remus tighter, praying to all the Gods to help him, please help him. 'HE'S DYING AND YOU'RE LETTING HIM!'

The Medi-witch backed away warily. 'Sir, please, calm-'

'What's going on in here?' another voice interrupted, and James could see a Healer push through the crowd that had gathered around them. The crowd that was simply watching but doing nothing, saying nothing, offering no help at all. Just watching as a completely innocent man bled to death on the hospital floor.

The Medi-witch turned towards the Healer. 'The patient's a werewolf, Healer Greene and as you well know, we cannot accept it withou-'

Greene waved her off with a hand. 'Take him in to Ward Ten. Get started on the surface spells - stop the bleeding. I'll meet you there in a minute.'

'But the hospital-'

Greene turned towards her, his eyes glaring at her with fiery intensity. 'I make the decisions here,

my dear, and if you don't follow my orders, I will report you.'

The Medi-witch fell silent. She gestured a few more to help her and together, they reluctantly peeled Remus away from James and levitated him away. James watched silently, telling his heart that things were going to be all right now. Remus was going to be fine - he was going to be alive and this Healer had helped them. He'd helped them when no one would and for this, James was eternally grateful.

'Are you family?'

James startled at the Healer's question but nodded firmly.

Greene looked grave but convinced. 'I need you to contact Natasha Lupin immediately. Tell her Remus is in Mungo's and that she'll also need to contact Lionel White. She'll know what you're talking about.'

James listened dumbly, not even bothering to ask how the Healer knew Remus or his aunt.

'Use the floo on the second floor. It'll be free at this time.' Greene turned to go, but James grabbed him by the shoulder for one last question.

'Will Remus be okay?'

Greene smiled. 'The Lupins are a strong breed. I'm sure he'll manage.'

James nodded but didn't stay long enough to watch Healer Greene go to Ward ten. Instead, he ran

to the second floor and flooed to the Lupin cottage. Luck was favouring him today because he'd found Natasha Lupin drinking tea with Remus's mother and narrated both the day's events and the healer's instructions precisely. Natasha told him that she'd take care of the rest, while Mrs. Lupin burst into silent tears, thanking him profusely and asking him frantically if everyone was all right and if she could see them now. James had very few words of assurance.

By the time he was done, James was completely drained out of energy and the will to repeat everything all over again to Sirius and Peter. Instead, he sent an owl to both of them, somehow managing to write down only four words: Remus is at Mungo's.

For the next fifteen minutes, James sat on the cold, hard bench outside ward ten, with his face in his hands and a prayer on his lips. He still had a hard time believing everything that had happened. It had been their first mission. Their first mission and already they were being attacked. The realisation that the Order might not always be about excitement and adventures were staring to sink in and James found it hard to believe that his ideas had been so juvenile. Had he really thought Voldemort was a game? That everything the Order fought for was to be taken this lightly?

And Remus...

Oh God, he'd thought Remus was going to die. For that one small moment, when James had had his best friend in his arms, and they were refusing him treatment, he was sure Remus was going to die. The werewolf had told them about his hardships, the rules of the Ministry, and James knew a lot of them from long hours of research in the school library; but he'd never thought it would come to this. Where they were willing to give up a completely innocent life over a few fucking words written on paper. They'd referred to him as 'it', as a thing. James had seen that Medi-witch's expression – how uncaring and full of contempt her face had been.

There was a wet sting at the corner of his eyes, and James pushed the heels of his hands against them. The image of Remus's shattered body was plastered to the back of his mind, and he desperately tried to rid of it. He sniffed, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

'Prongs?'

James looked up to see Sirius staring at him and wheezing as if he'd run all the way here. Sirius's eyes moved from his face to his shirt and settled there, taking in the enormous bloodstain with horror.

'Is he okay? Is he alright?' Sirius rasped out, his gaze still fixed on James's shirt. His breathing seemed to quicken. 'Please tell me he's alright.'

James nodded, unable to say anything in fear of the dam that was threatening to break inside him.

'Oh Merlin!' Sirius pulled James into a tight embrace, panting against his neck heavily and clutching at the back of his shirt. 'Thank you,' he breathed. 'Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.'

'I thought he was going to die,' whispered James, finally able to find his voice. He pressed his eyes against Sirius's shoulder, ashamed as he left a small wet patch on his friend's shirt. But Sirius had no idea. He hadn't seen Remus the way James had. He hadn't been there, holding Remus while everybody was too afraid to even come near them. He hadn't been there. He didn't know anything.

'Don't say that,' whispered Sirius, disentangling from James. He sat on the chair next to where James had been sitting. 'Tell me what happened.'

James shook his head, as he settled beside Sirius. 'Maybe later.' He doubted if he could recount it at all in the near future.

Sirius looked at him for a while and then nodded. He didn't ask any questions after that and both of them sat in silence until Healer Greene had approached them with a smile on his face.

xxx

Remus could hear Sirius's voice somewhere close by and smiled. He didn't feel like opening his eyes really; it felt like it would hurt too much. Already there was a steady throb at the back of his head that he really didn't appreciate, especially since the transformation wasn't until a couple of days. Perhaps Sirius would lie beside him and stroke his hair comfortingly, like he always did when Remus refused to get up. Another smile stretched across his face at the thought, and he turned to his side to snuggle deeper into the pillow.

His eyes instantly shot open in pain, and he barely muffled the whimper that escaped from his lips. He saw red behind his eyelids and his brain screamed to move, but he couldn't because it would hurt even more if he did.

'Remus!' He felt Sirius's hands at his sides, slowly laying him on his back again. Remus opened his eyes slowly to meet with Sirius's anxious expression. 'How do you feel?'

Remus groaned and buried his face in Sirius's shirt. 'Like I've been run over by a bus.'

'That's quite good considering what you've been through,' said another voice, and Remus looked up from Sirius's shirt to see a Healer standing beside his bed. 'It's been a while since I've seen you, Remus. I don't expect you to remember me. I'm-'

'Healer Greene.' Remus smiled, remembering Mungo's after his initial bite. 'My dad broke a few of your teeth and my aunt threatened to sue you from hell and back. How could I forget?'

Greene smiled abashedly. 'Well, I was a bit foolish and insensitive then. I don't completely blame them.' He shrugged a little. 'You were always a bit of a miracle, even now.'

Remus frowned and looked around him, taking the pristine white walls and the clean scent of antiseptic. 'How did I get here?'

'James and Moody brought you in after they received your Patronus,' replied Sirius slowly.

Remus remembered the soft brush of feathers against him and shivered as the rest of the night's events started playing in flashes before his eyes. He felt Sirius's hand slide between his underneath the sheets. It said, I worried about you, and Remus squeezed back reassuringly, though he himself felt a bit at unease.

'James and Peter are in the tearoom with your mother,' whispered Sirius. 'They'll want to visit you when they know you're awake.'

Remus nodded but stiffened immediately when he felt Healer Green's hand on his wrist. 'I'm going to have to check your pulse, Remus. You had a lot on you when they brought you in.'

Remus didn't hear much of what Greene said, not really. He was concentrating too hard on the fingers on his wrist and the panic that was slowly welling up inside of him at the sight.

'Broken ribs, dislocated leg, head injury...'

Why was he holding so tight? Did they want to hurt him? To block his pulse, to move up to his throat, to strangle him; Remus saw flashes of his own blood pooling on the ground, seeping through his shirt...

'Mr. Black, as a roommate, I want you to make sure Remus doesn't perform any sort of magic for a week or so. Not even simple household spells.'

Remus's breathing quickened and his heart beat at a furious rate. His mind was screaming for him to move. To move and run. Run before those hands hurt him. Run before they pressed a wand against him and threatened to kill him. To fight back, to claw, to rip before they could do anything.

'He needs time to recuperate his magic. Right now, even Lumos can leave him drained of energy.'

Remus squeezed Sirius's hand painfully tight. Why wasn't he doing anything? Was he in this, too? Were the both trying to corner him, to chain him to the bed, or confine him to this white room forever? The muscles in his wrist spasmed under Greene's fingers and Remus itched to move away, but fear kept him still. Fear of what might happen if he did move...

'Remus, are you okay?'

Remus looked up to see Healer Greene's blue eyes boring into him. He tried to nod but all he could see were flashes of last night – white masks, red eyes, sharp teeth. The scar on his shoulder, now fresh, throbbed dully. Was it bleeding? Greene looked at him questioningly and followed his gaze as Remus looked back down at the wrist he was holding. The Healer immediately let his fingers slip as if understanding and Remus breathed a sigh of relief.

'Remus?' asked Sirius, shaking him slightly by the shoulder.

Remus looked at Sirius and smiled as if nothing had happened. 'Where's my dad? Is he okay?'

Sirius shifted his gaze towards Healer Greene, adamantly not looking at Remus. Greene cleared his throat and looked at the clipboard he'd been carrying. 'Your father broke his back, Remus. Apart from that, he didn't really have any major physical injuries.'

Remus nodded. 'I know. The De-' He stopped. The Order was a private group. He didn't think it would be wise to let out information about the attack.

'But if I'm not mistaken, he used wandless magic to produce a Patronus and a Protego.'

Was Greene allowed to know so many details about the attack? Remus met Sirius's eyes

questioningly and was replied by a nod.

Green sat at the foot of Remus's bed. 'Wandless magic is very complicated, Remus. The ability to perform them grows with age but sometimes, even wizards as old as Dumbledore have trouble with it.' He shifted uncomfortably under Remus's enquiring gaze. 'See, when a wizard is using his wand, he's combining and channeling his magic through the core of his wand, which basically acts as a neutraliser between the spell performed and the magic used. But in wandless, the spell drains out the magic in his body in order to be truly effective.'

Remus remembered that painful pulling sensation when his father had linked their hands. 'Dad used blood magic also. He combined his magic with mine, I remember.'

'Only for the Patronus, Moony,' said Sirius slowly.

Greene nodded. 'It's why you feel so weak right now. Always bear in mind, that the magic in a

wizard's blood is what keeps him alive, even after their muggle counterparts are long gone. You were close, Remus. If they'd arrived with you even fifteen minutes later, you wouldn't be here right now.'

Remus swallowed thickly. He'd already figured it out. He'd figured everything out a long time ago when he'd seen both their expressions, but had kept them going to delay it, maybe even to deny it.

'The Protego used up the last vestiges of your father's magic, Remus. He was dead when he reached Mungo's.'

Remus didn't talk, didn't move, didn't cry; in fact, he did absolutely nothing. Vaguely, he heard Healer Greene walk out of the room and close the door behind him. Sirius might have been talking to him, Remus didn't know. He felt his friend lie beside him under the sheets and stroke his hair softly. Somehow, it didn't seem that comforting anymore.

one more chapter

John Lupin's Funeral, 1979

Sirius watched Remus from a few seats behind, comforting his mother and aunt with soothing touches. Remus wasn't speaking much; Sirius doubted he knew what to say anyway, but there were occasions when Sirius saw his lips form 'it's okay' and 'I'm sorry' but mostly,'I'm here'.

Delilah Lupin seemed to have taken her husband's death the hardest among all the Lupins. She had been crying since the start of the funeral (perhaps before, Sirius couldn't tell), only quieting down slightly when Remus had had wordlessly gotten up from his seat beside Sirius and sat with her instead.

He never let her touch him.

'I should notify you, Mr. Black, Remus might have Post Traumatic Stress. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but the way he reacted to-' Healer Greene shook his head. 'He might need help, I can't tell yet.'

Sirius looked at Healer Greene, obvious confusion in his eyes. 'I'm not sure I understand'

'Well, he's probably going to react a bit violently to anything that reminds him of last night's events. It can be anything – a wand, maybe certain pictures or situations, even touch.'

'Touch?'

Healer Greene nodded solemnly. 'When I was taking his pulse...I don't think you noticed, but he

was having quite a breakdown in there.'

No, Sirius hadn't noticed it at all.

'It might be only strangers or people he's not familiar with, like me or maybe a Medi-witch. He might not react to you or any of his other friends, his mother. I can't tell yet...we'll have to just watch and see.'

Sirius nodded as if he understood, but his brain was suddenly feeling overwhelmed. 'What do you suggest I do?'

Healer Greene looked thoughtful for a moment. 'He might want to be in charge of particular things to feel in control – let him. Show him he can trust you.' The frown lines of his forehead grew deeper. 'Try to introduce him to crowded or public places little by little, until he feels safe amongst them. If the trauma is mild, he'll have healed by himself. If not, you might have to bring him back

here.'

'He's so brave,' Peter said suddenly, breaking Sirius out of his reverie.

Both Sirius and James turned to look at Peter, who was still gazing at Remus in awe and an expression that Sirius thought looked a lot like guilt. Or maybe it was pity. Sirius couldn't really tell that well when it came to his small friend.

Peter turned away. 'I mean, if it had been me, I would have completely broken down. I-I wouldn't have been able to stand there like that...'

Sirius looked down at his shoes, staring fixedly at the smidgeon of dirt on the side.

Remus was brave, the bravest person he knew. After he'd heard the news of his father's death, Remus hadn't cried a single tear. It was worrying at first, the silent shock that he'd gone through; the expressionless face that had settled for nearly four hours. Yet, once his mother and aunt had come down to visit, Remus had recovered and immediately started to take charge of the situation; insisting on being let out of the hospital to start arranging for the funeral. When the Marauders had offered their help, he had refused and taking the doctor's advice, they had let him handle it on his own.

Lily thought it was because Remus needed a sort of closure. James thought it was because Remus blamed himself for the situation. Peter thought Remus was some kind of hero to have survived with sound mind and body. Sirius? Sirius didn't know what to think; mostly, he thought Remus was unpredictable.

'He doing what he thinks he has to,' James said slowly, watching Remus through the corner of his eyes with a mixture of sympathy and respect. 'His aunt and mother...they can't do anything, not right now...so he took charge...'

After the conversation with Healer Greene, Sirius had, if possible, even become more observant of Remus. Up until then, he had never noticed how Remus had reacted to the people around them or to anything in particular. He'd been too concerned with Remus's calm and wary of his lack of significant reaction.

Remus didn't have a problem with crowds in general, nothing that Sirius could see at least. He was himself mostly; perhaps a little quieter. He didn't talk unless he needed to. However, Sirius had noted that, yes, Remus didn't like being touched. He'd noticed how Remus's breathing had sped up when James had pulled him in for a hug; how his eyes had shifted as if trying to find a form of escape when his mother had come too close; how his had fists clenched and unclenched as if battling with himself on whether he should attack or not when Peter had clapped him on the back sympathetically. His reactions were so apparent that Sirius was surprised he hadn't noticed them before.

Yet, when Sirius had unthinkingly stroked Remus's hair and pulled him into a light embrace, Remus hadn't acted out of the ordinary at all.

'Will Remus be staying with his mother tonight?' asked James, trying to bring the conversation to a lighter tone.

Sirius shrugged. 'Can't tell. We haven't really talked about it.'

James sighed. 'Has he talked at all?'

Sirius swallowed. 'Not from the usual pleasantries, no, but Greene said it's not shock or anything.

He's choosing not to talk because he doesn't want to.'

'Is that any better?'

'No.'

It took a lot of thinking for Sirius to finally figure out why he was the only person Remus didn't react adversely to.

Remus could feel him.

Remus knew when Sirius was coming; knew when Sirius was in the room; knew when Sirius was going to touch him. It was something Sirius had never been able to fully understand, and Remus had never been able to explain. It was just a special sort of bond they shared, something sacred, if you wanted to be romantic about it

Sirius didn't tell the others about it. Somehow, he doubted they'd be able to understand either.

They heard the dull clunking of Moody's wooden foot, before his voice. 'Potter, Black,' he growled from behind them. He looked around suspiciously before leaning down closer to their ears. 'I need men at the site.'

'We'll report tomorrow morning.'

'That's very generous of you, Potter, but I need you now.' 'No,' both James and Sirius chorused. 'Remus needs-'

'-this investigation to be thorough,' finished Moody with an irritated growl. 'Greyback isn't going to stop after this one attack, especially now that he's with Voldemort. We need to prove he's guilty, and we need to do it as quick as we can, am I understood?'

'What, the large bite wound and saliva on Remus's shoulder isn't proof enough?' Sirius retorted angrily. 'What does the Ministry want, Greyback to fucking come and confess to it?'

'That excuse didn't work twelve years ago, you think it will now, Black?' Moody snarled. 'As far as the Ministry's concerned, there's been no harm done. Remus was already a werewolf. He got another bite, so what?'

Peter seemed to have finally found his voice in the argument. 'B-but Mr. L-Lupin...' he stuttered, as if not sure he wanted to argue with Moody.

'A casualty.' Moody sighed and sat beside them, his face contorting to what was probably an attempt to look sympathetic. 'Look, I won't lie to you. The Ministry's well aware that Greyback attacks once in a while, and they let him because he keeps the worst of them at bay. You can call it a symbiotic relationship, if you will.'

'I'll call it corruption, if you don't mind,' spat James.

'They sent a squad up at the site last night of two people. Two fucking people; just to make a show of it and make it to Prophet Headlines. I was there supervising, and I saw how much effort they put into it. Which is why, I'm asking you to come over now, while the muggle police still has the place secured for the Ministry.'

'Take someone else, we're not coming.'

'This is an Order mission and trust me, Black, there are many who are much more qualified than you that I'd rather take. But only a few who have an Auror's license to get in through the bars. The Prewetts are already there.'

James and Sirius met each other's gaze, communicating silently through their eyes. 'Then I'll stay,' said James finally. 'Sirius can go along.'

Moody's blue eye rolled in his socket dangerously. 'Use your brain, Potter. You were the only one actually there when the incident happened.'

Sirius stood up. 'This isn't fair! You're deliberately-'

'I'm doing it for your own good!'

For awhile, it seemed Sirius, James, and Moody were engaged in a staring competition as they glared at each other angrily. Sirius's lips had gone thin and white with rage, while James's fists curled up into a tight ball as if ready for a fight if needed. Neither noticed the outraged looks they were getting from the people around them for disrespecting the Priest.

Finally, Peter broke the silence. 'I'll be here. If he needs anything, and Lily's here too...' Sirius smiled weakly. 'You sure?'

Peter shrugged. 'Moony's my mate too, you know.'

Sirius nodded, still a little hesitant. 'Yeah, I guess. Just...if I don't show up by seven, take him home for me, okay? And don't let him do any magic; if he has a panic attack or something, just give him some space and he'll calm down. And don't leave him alone, stay with him until I come back, watch the telly or something. And if he asks about me, tell him I'll be back, and-'

Peter's put a hand on Sirius's shoulder. 'He'll be fine, Padfoot.'

Sirius nodded. 'Right. Of course he will. Thanks, mate.'

Peter never kept his word; he'd had other pressing matters to attend to. He'd stayed for a few extra minutes, only until the Priest had finished his prayer and then left the entire responsibility to Lily with an excuse of having an urgent and unexpected call to attend to.

It wasn't far from the truth. Greyback was a very influential asset, and losing him would be a major drawback that would not be appreciated.

Yet, he couldn't help feeling guilty about the whole affair. He hadn't meant for anyone to get hurt, especially not Remus, who had been a faithful and helpful friend to Peter all his life. He'd never wanted Remus's father to die, he hadn't wanted either of his friends to get involved in any of this; but what choice did he have.

The Dark Lord never took 'no' for an answer. Peter had learnt that from Regulus Black.

xxx

'John Lupin will continue to live in our hearts. May his soul rest in peace. Amen.'

Remus stared at the priest in a sort of trance, the words of praise and prayers echoing in his mind. He wondered how the man could go on about how great and brave and wonderful his father was

when he had no idea. When he had never met his father or gotten the chance to know him, not like Remus had.

Remus knew and all he wanted to do was to hurl his chair at the priest's head because no one talked about his father like he was just another fucking dead body, just another funeral to conduct.

Despite his violent thoughts, Remus remained passive, sighing heavily when there were twin sobs from his mother and Lily Evans on either side of him.

Lily – the only member of the Marauders who seemed to have stayed, hadn't stopped tailing him since they'd all left and while he appreciated the gesture, he wished she would leave him alone. She cared too much for him and right now, he didn't want it. Didn't want so many eyes looking at him with pity, didn't want all their friends and relatives coming up to him and telling him how much like his father he looked, and he especially didn't need his friends tailing him like he was a child who couldn't handle what was being thrown at him.

He could, he could; he was too numb inside to feel anything anyway. He wasn't a child. He could handle this. He could take care of himself and his family without any help. He could fucking deal with this, and he didn't need any fucking pity from anyone

Remus got up from his chair abruptly, his shaking hands digging into his coat pockets for a fag and lighter.

Lily noticed his movement immediately, made to grab his hand but stopped midway. 'Remus, where are you-?'

Remus popped the fag in his mouth and forced himself to smile. Lily nodded, biting her lip unsurely, and Remus took it as a cue to leave without her following him. He was glad Lily was sensitive enough to understand that Remus just needed a little time alone and a few sticks of nicotine before he could finish this funeral.

He was going to be fine. She, of all people, should know that.

He chose the most desolate place he could find – an old, gnarled tree behind the church that seemed unnaturally green, with occasional pink blossoms peeking out from between its leaves. He leaned against it heavily, panting slightly from the effort of walking the whole way and cursing his weakness.

It was normal, the Healer had said, for him to be wearing out quickly now and that he'd have to tone down his activities a bit until he regained his lost magic. It was aggravating to be so helpless. It made him anxious and frail and angry when Sirius refused him a new wand until he deemed Remus better. He didn't like this; this vulnerability that he felt. What if they came back? What if Greyback wanted to finish the job? What would Remus do then?

Remus shook his head violently in an attempt to banish his thoughts. Sirius had assured him that everything was safe, that he was safe. James had told him they were there for him, even Peter had. They were right of course, they always were; and hadn't they always looked after Remus's well being? Remus would just have to trust them and that wasn't too hard, was it?

Closing his eyes, he inhaled the heavy scent of smoke, trying to lose himself to nicotine. As if by magic, he could feel the heat in his blood cooling, his mind relaxing, his worries slipping to the back of his mind. He'd been aching for a fag since the morning but had resisted in order to stay with his mother, who hated the smell.

It was when he was about to take a second drag that he felt the unexpected slap on his face. His eyes snapped open, and his cigarette fell from his mouth, both from the impact and surprise.

'YOU FILTHY LITTLE BEAST!'

Remus's eyes met, for the first time in twelve years, with his grandfather - Christian Lupin's. 'You've finally done it, haven't you? You finally killed my son!'

Christian Lupin looked nothing like the handsome man Remus remembered from when he was a child. Old age had obviously caught up with him, settling themselves in the heavy wrinkles around his eyes and the sags of his skin. His bright amber eyes – the only trait that had passed on to the next generation of Lupins, were now dark with rage as he looked fiercely at Remus.

'Does it make you happy, you fucking murderer? Did it satisfy your bloodlust?'

The second slap was just as startling as the first, and Remus reeled backwards from the impact of it, only the tree behind him preventing him from falling.

A slight hint of panic rose in his throat as his grandfather moved closer to him, invading his personal space and blocking any means of escape there might have been. The man looked murderous, his eyes now boring down on Remus like a predator. Remus's hands moved behind him, searching for a stick, any kind of weapon, but found only air and rough bark.

'I told him! The day he brought you in from the fucking hospital, I told him to put you down, but he never listens! He never listens to me!'

He shook Remus's shoulders with every word, fingers digging painfully into his skin. Remus could feel his throat tightening, his heart hammering warning signals against his chest. Get out, get out, get out, get out. He opened his mouth to scream, to call out for help, anything, but all he managed was a whimper. There was no one around to save him; the gardens were empty save for Remus and his grandfather.

'He chose you over me! Broke off all ties! For you, you animal, for you!'

Christian Lupin's face loomed in front of his, distorting; the colours and contours of his were face mixing, until all Remus could see were masks that looked liked white skulls and eyes that no longer shone.

Remus closed his eyes, tears threatening to fall. They weren't there, he told himself, they weren't there, it was nothing, they weren't there. He was safe. He was safe.

But then, the hands on his shoulders moved to his neck and pressed down hard at the pulse points, and Remus's mouth dropped open in a silent scream for air. His eyes opened on their own accord; trees dissolved to dim lampposts, grass became concrete, and amber eyes became blood red and then, all Remus could see were flashes of red light aimed at them and Greyback's soundless laughter.

He was trapped, trapped all over again, and he was going to let his father die again. Not again, not again.

'He wanted to have a child, he wanted to marry a muggle – I never said anything! He never bothered consulting me, but I never protested, not once! But taking you was too far, but he didn't listen! And now look at him! He's dead, you killed him. He's dead because of you!'

Remus's body had gone slack from the lack of oxygen, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He welcomed the darkness that was threatening to fall; it was better than watching history repeat itself, better than watching his father dying again and again and not being able to do anything about it. He didn't bother struggling against the hands on his neck anymore, his mind in turmoil and his body too exhausted to put up much of a fight

He was going to die in front of the church, in his father's funeral. How ironic.

'GET OFF HIM!'

Only inches from passing out, Remus felt those hands being wrenched off him and he gasped, taking in lungfuls of air. It felt like a relief to be finally able to breathe again, and he clung on to the protruding roots of the tree for support as he slumped to the ground. The world was spinning around him and as his world fell slightly back to focus, he saw his aunt and grandfather locked in a restraining embrace. He hadn't known Aunt Nash to be this strong, yet she was holding her father off of Remus pretty well.

'WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO COME HERE?' screamed Aunt Nash, pushing Christian away from her.

'JOHN WAS MY SON!' Christian retorted, his eyes shining oddly bright. He didn't try to come near Remus anymore, but he was looking at his grandson with disgust and hatred. 'I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE!'

'You remember your son after he's fucking dead! Congrats, dad, you're the epitome of parenting!' 'I always tried to do what's best for all of you, always!'

Aunt Nash snorted. 'Yes, of course, abandon your son for twelve years and then when you finally return, you try to kill your grandson! Thanks a whole fucking lot, dad.'

'That beast killed your brother!' 'You will not refer to him as a-' 'I'll kill him! I'll kill him!'

Natasha suddenly launched herself in front of Remus, even though a part of her knew that her father was too weak minded to try anything. 'You put a finger on him, dad,' she warned, 'one finger, and I swear I won't hesitate.'

Christian shook his head dejectedly, suddenly leaning more on his cane than he'd started out. 'He doesn't care about what happened, Natasha. I watched him, I watched him all throughout the funeral. Not a single tear, not a single expression of sorrow or remorse...he doesn't care.'

'Please go, dad.'

'And he looks like him. He looks like him when he doesn't even deserve to. He has no right to steal his face, to steal his name, to steal his love...'

Nash looked away from him, her eyes focusing on Remus's hands which had gone white from gripping the roots so hard. 'Just go, dad, I'm begging you. Please, just go home, just get away from us.'

Nash didn't bother to see whether her father had heeded to her pleas or not. Instead, she kneeled in

front of Remus, whose breathing had finally come back to normal. 'Remoo, sweetheart, you okay?' She reached out a hand to touch his cheek but stopped when she saw Remus flinch.

Remus nodded. 'I want to go home...'

Nash looked at him, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. 'Are you sure you don't want to come back with me and your mother to the cottage.'

'Please...'

'Okay.'

And before Remus could even blink, Nash had grabbed his wrist and apparated to the bedroom of their flat, letting go of him so quickly that he didn't even register her touch. Remus stumbled a little, feeling for the lights and switching them on.'

'I'll just go back and send Lily over. She'll be worried about you.'

Remus shook his head, sitting down on the bed. 'Don't send Lily, please. I don't want...just tell her I'll be fine.'

'I don't think that's wise, Remus. You might-'

Remus massaged his temples. 'I'll be fine, Aunt Nash, I promise. I won't do any magic or anything. I just need to lie down a bit, and I'm just going to feel uncomfortable if I have someone watching over me while I sleep.'

It was only when Remus laid down on the bed and pulled the covers up to his waist that Nash was convinced enough to leave him alone. She adjusted the blankets and tucked them under his chin, being uncharacteristically mothering.

'You take care, you hear?'

Remus didn't say anything, burying himself into the deep recesses of his pillow. 'I love you, Remus. Your father loved you, remember that.'

She disapparated, leaving Remus in a too big bed and a too cold apartment. He closed his eyes tightly and breathed deeply, willing for the sleep to come. He turned to his back, trying to find a comfortable position and then settled down to his side again; but the back of his eyes itched and he finally conceded to the urge to keep them open. He couldn't sleep, it was only seven o'clock. He and Sirius never slept this early. A lot of the times, he'd have work up until eight in the evening.

The restlessness he felt finally got to be too much, and he flung the covers of himself as he got off the bed. He'd take a warm bath, with those perfumed therapeutic bath salts that Lily had gotten them for Christmas. Sirius had discarded them somewhere in the cabinet, probably on the shelf where they kept all their useless things like used bits of floss or that weird plastic duck they'd found in Remus's suitcase.

Remus shed his clothes as he walked into their bathroom, leaving a trail of socks, shirt, and trouser along the way. His bare body shivered against the cool air and suddenly, the need to feel hot water against his skin, to wash away all the dirt, the hurt, the insults that had been thrown at him and lodged deep in the crevices of his skin, was overwhelming.

He didn't bother with the bathroom switches, the lamp in their bedroom cast just the right amount

of light, reflecting off the tiles in a dim glow.

Remus turned the taps, testing the waters with his hand before twisting them to full blast and letting the tub fill. Even the gentle splashing of the water against white ceramic felt soothing to Remus's tense muscles, and he found himself smiling slightly as he turned towards the sink to start his quest for Lily's bath salts.

That's when he caught his reflection in the mirror.

He stared at it and it stared back with eyes that looked too hollow and empty to be human. Yet, those eyes were moving and perceptive; it scanned every inch of his face – the long slope of his nose, the light brown hair that lay past his shoulders, the prominent chin, the dimples just waiting to appear on either side of his cheeks...

You remind me so much of him...

If he smiled, just a little, and pretended that his eyes were blue instead of amber, then Remus could see his father, looking at him, loving him, smiling at him like everything was going to be fine.

It feels just like I'm standing in front of John. You look exactly like him.

The smile fell and suddenly it contorted into a silent scream, eyes bulging wide, head flailing madly from side to side, hair whipping cruelly against his face. Remus could make out the words his mouth was forming. It was his name, again and again: Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus...

You don't deserve to look like him!

Remus...

His father was asking for help now and suddenly, Remus launched himself at the mirror, clawing at the edges in an attempt to pull it out and make it shut up. It wasn't real, he knew that, but he wanted it gone; he didn't want this mirror in front of him anymore, not while it showed images of his father screaming, crying out for help. His father was dead. His father was dead.

He's dead, you killed him, he's dead because of you!'

The sharp corners dug deep into the skin beneath his fingernails, sending trickles of blood down the plane, but Remus couldn't be bothered by it. He wanted the mirror out, and he pulled even harder, using his own body as leverage. Finally, the mirror split into two, right down the middle, falling to the sink and shattering into smaller pieces. The edges of the mirror remained intact and still held by glue, but the most of it was gone. It was finally gone.

Numbly, Remus stared at his hands - at the cuts on each of his fingers. They didn't really hurt. They weren't even deep, almost like paper cuts; but there was blood staining the skin around them and Remus dipped them into the tub to wash it away.

The water was warm, and Remus found himself unconsciously turning off the taps before the tub threatened to overflow. Slowly, he climbed inside.

xxx

'Moony, I'm home!'

Sirius toed of his shoes as he locked the door behind him. He hoped he wasn't too late and that

Remus hadn't fallen asleep angry with him. Moody had been pissed at him the entire evening, yelling at him and just short of thwacking him on the head. James had done most of Sirius's work for him anyway, even though Sirius was sure he was just as worried and finding it just as hard to concentrate.

'Moony? You asleep, mate?'

Their bedroom lamp seemed to be switched on but when Sirius peeked inside, the bed was empty. He frowned. The sheets were rumpled as if they'd been slept in, which meant that Remus had probably just gotten up for a piss or a glass of water. He tended to do that sometimes – wander around in the dark out of sheer memory.

Sirius shucked off his coat and socks, sitting on the bed for a while and waiting for Remus to come out of the bathroom. He needed a good piss himself; Ministry loos weren't exactly top notch, and Sirius couldn't bloody well go about door to door asking to use their bathroom during site investigation.

Finally, when the wait for his turn seemed too long for Sirius, he decided to screw respect and privacy and just walk into the bathroom. It wasn't like they'd never seen each other's bits or anything, and Remus could well do with a little unwind-

'What the fuck?'

Sirius nearly had a heart attack when he switched on the bathroom lights.

Remus was there, but he wasn't taking a piss at all, but sitting in the tub with his knees drawn up to his chest and hands wrapped protectively around himself, as he shivered with what could only be cold. He was crouched so low, that the water level came up to the base of his neck, which was a feat for someone as tall as Remus.

'Shit, what the fuck?' Sirius grabbed a large towel from the railing before hurrying over to the tub. However, as soon as he touched the water to help Remus up, his hand recoiled reflexively. 'God, this water's freezing, Moony! How long have you been sitting here?' He nudged Remus's shoulder lightly. 'Come on, get out of there. Gods, I swear, you nearly killed me there. Come on, you're shaking.'

Remus blinked rapidly at Sirius's touch and finally looked at him, as if only realising that Sirius was there, as if not having heard Sirius yelling his name for the past ten minutes. 'Padfoot?'

'Yeah, it's me, Moony. Come on; let's get you warm, okay. Merlin, I'm going to kill Wormtail for this, I swear it.'

Remus let himself be hauled out of the water (which Sirius noticed, seemed to be tinged pink), and Sirius tried not to worry about how weightless he felt as he wrapped the towel around Remus's thin frame. He didn't even notice the shattered mirror, as he half carried Remus back to their bedroom.

'I told him not to leave you alone. If I hadn't been here, if I hadn't come home early...' Sirius sat Remus on the bed, as he towel dried the werewolf's body and hair. 'What were you trying to do, Moony?' He cast a final drying spell before rummaging in the cupboard for a pair of clean pyjamas for Remus to put on. 'Merlin, you really scared me.'

Remus didn't respond, lifting his legs robotically as Sirius helped him into his pyjama bottoms. It was like Sirius wasn't even there in the room. He might as well have been speaking to the walls and they would probably show more reaction.

Sirius cupped Remus's face gently between his hands. 'Why would you do something so stupid, Remus? You could have called me. I would have come. If you needed help, I would have come running, you know that.'

Remus didn't look up from the ground but lightly covered Sirius's hands with his own, and only then did Sirius notice the deep maroon cuts on the tip of Remus's fingers. They'd already scabbed, but they weren't exactly Sirius's main concern as his eyes traveled lower to Remus's neck, where there were large finger bruises on either side. Sirius traced them with his hand, stopping when Remus winced in pain.

'Who did these to you, Moony?' Sirius found his voice rising in anger. 'Who did this to you? I swear I'll kill them, I swear-'

Remus looked up, silencing Sirius with his sombre expression. 'My grandfather was there,' he said softly, barely above a whisper.

Sirius blinked in surprise. 'Christian Lupin?'

'He was really angry, Padfoot, but I didn't do anything,' Remus whispered a little helplessly, even desperately. 'I didn't do anything to make him angry. I really didn't.'

Sirius squeezed Remus's hands tightly, entwining their fingers together. 'I told Wormtail to take care of you, I told him to be with you at all times, When I get my hands on that dirty rat-' He healed all of Remus's wounds with an angry swish of his wand. 'He won't live to see the day!'

Remus looked down at his feet, biting his lower lip into shreds, but Sirius was too angry to notice.

'Fucking rat! I bet he didn't even tell Lily!' Sirius ran a frustrated hand through his hair. 'And you, Remus, you of all people! What were you fucking thinking, huh? Was it too difficult to just give me a damn call? You could have bled really badly; you could have died of hypothermia, anything could have happened!'

Sirius was so lost in his own tirade that hadn't it been for the inhuman wail, he would have never noticed Remus sliding to the ground.

'I'm sorry!' Remus cried out suddenly, looking at Sirius with bright amber eyes. 'I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!'

Sirius, shocked by Remus's outbreak, felt his jaw drop, and he watched in horror as fat tears cascaded down Remus's pale cheeks. Oh God, Remus was crying, his mind numbly supplied.

'I didn't want him to die, I swear!' Remus cried out, clutching the foot of Sirius's trousers. 'I didn't want to, but they killed him! I tried, I tried, but they wouldn't listen, they wouldn't!'

Sirius looked at Remus with wide eyes. 'Remus, I know you didn't-'

'I watched them, I watched them kill him. I watched him dying, nd I couldn't do anything. They wouldn't let me do anything!'

Sirius fell to his knees in front of Remus, finally having found his voice and coherent thought. 'Its okay, Remus. It's not your fault...' Sirius reached out for Remus, but the werewolf shied away from his touch, pressing his back firmly to the bed.

'They wanted me to join, and I would have. I would have done anything, but dad didn't let me. He didn't let me, but I need him back, Sirius. I'll do anything, I promise...'

Sirius felt something rise up in his throat, and he looked firmly at a spot on the floor in an attempt to avoid Remus's tear filled eyes. Somehow, watching the strongest person he knew break down was disconcerting, but Sirius couldn't block out the sounds of Remus sobbing, and it literally hurt to hear it. 'Listen to me, Remus; they would have killed him anyway. It's not your fault; nothing you could have done would have stopped them. You father died the way he wanted to...'

'MY FATHER DIDN'T WANT TO DIE!' Remus screamed suddenly, pulling the sheets off the bed in anger. 'My father wasn't supposed to die for a hundred more years! They killed him!'

'Remus, I'm sorry,' whispered Sirius, trying his best to calm his friend down. 'I really am, but...' He didn't know what else to say, so he stroked Remus's cheek comfortingly.

'DON'T TOUCH ME!' Sirius's eyes widened in shock as Remus pushed his hand away forcefully. 'Don't touch me!'

'Remus, it's just me...' said Sirius softly, almost as if he were trying to calm down an angry animal. 'It's me, okay. It's Sirius.' He moved closer but was suddenly sent sprawling across the floor from the unexpectedness of Remus's push.

'Don't come near me! I'll kill you! They'll kill you if you come!'

'They won't do anything,' tried Sirius again, inching closer inconspicuously. 'It's okay...I'm here for you. They can't hurt you. They can't hurt me.' He slowly reached out for Remus's shoulder with the intention of pulling him into a comforting embrace. 'Come on...'

Sirius had hardly touched him when Remus broke out into a horrified scream. It sounded like someone was performing the Cruciatus on him, and Sirius had the right presence of mind to move away quickly and cast an effective silencing charm around the room before the neighbours started knocking.

'I'm gone! Remus, I'm gone! I won't touch you!' cried Sirius desperately, very near tears himself. Remus couldn't stand to be touched by him. Remus didn't even want Sirius close to him, and it felt like an iron fist clenching around his heart. Remus was scared of him.

No, Remus was scared for him.

Remus's piercing screams finally turned to hysterical sobs, as he cried and hiccupped like an infant. He kept muttering things to himself with his eyes shut tightly, too low for Sirius to hear. Remus's hands were fisted in his light brown hair, pulling as if wanting to tear them out of his head, and Sirius ached to take him into his arms and stop him before he did anything too drastic.

Sirius had even considered stunning Remus but dismissed the idea immediately and instead, watched helplessly as his best friend and lover tore himself apart. He sat in the corner of the room, watching as Remus slowly grew tired, as his sobs turned to silent tears, as his tense muscles slowly gave away and finally, as his swollen red eyes miraculously closed.

It was the hardest thing Sirius had ever done his entire life.

When he was sure Remus's breathing had finally evened out, Sirius raised his wand and levitated him to the bed, even pulling the sheets up to his friend's chin with magic. He didn't dare touch Remus in fear of him waking up.

Once he'd gotten Remus settled to the centre of the bed, Sirius summoned his own pillow and a few extra sheets from the cupboard, which he laid on the ground as a makeshift bed. It was

uncomfortable and hard, but Sirius never really had the intention of sleeping anyway. He needed to take care of Remus; he needed to make sure none of the events that had happened tonight ever got repeated again. He needed to make sure Remus was still breathing.

And he did.

For the longest time, Sirius did nothing but watch the slow rise and fall of Remus's chest, tensing every time his friend moved in his sleep or even frowned; but as the clock on their bedside table finally showed three AM, Sirius's exhaustion finally caught up with him, and he let himself drift off into a troubled slumber.