Chapter 7:

Lily woke up the next morning with a start, her hair still matted with a combination of dirt and tears from the previous evening. She'd had another nightmare—the same she'd been having all night—about Remus attacking her.

"Lily, my goodness, you look awful! Where did you disappear to last night? Azkaban?" Lily lifted her gaze upwards to find Alice's large grey eyes staring at her from above her bed with concern. Lily turned over in bed and let out a groan. "What's wrong with you?" Lily just grunted simplistically in return.

"I see," Alice mused aloud. "Would you like to elaborate any further?"

"No," Lily responded simply. "But if you see Remus, give him a good slap upside the head." Alice raised her brows questioningly.

"Will do," Alice replied. "But—uhh—why?" Lily issued forth another groan and pulled the bed sheets over her head.

"Doesn't matter. Just do it," Lily said from beneath her covers.

"Alright," Alice promised, finally giving up on getting any real information out of Lily. Their dormitory door was suddenly flung open as an annoyingly perky girl bounced inside.

"Good morning!" There was a long pause followed by a gasp. "Lily, for Merlin's sake! Put on some makeup, would you? You look even more hideous than my grandmother does when she wakes up first thing in the morning!"

"Shut it, Constance," Lily retorted as she rose from her bed and headed towards the door.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Constance shot back with a sneer. "I just came to tell you that Remus is looking for you." Lily turned back towards her bed and plopped herself down on it, engulfing herself in covers once more.

"You can't hide under there for the rest of your life," Alice said soothingly as she tried to pull the covers from Lily's grasp.

"I can," Lily insisted stubbornly.

"Go see Remus. I'm sure you two can work out the little spat you had."

"Not little—big," Lily replied childishly.

"Just talk to him," her friend reasoned. Lily sat up on her bed and pouted for a moment and then looked thoughtful.

"Fine, but I'm not going to like it," she declared with resolve as she made her way towards the door once more.

"Lily!" Constance shrieked with alarm.

"What?" Lily asked, looking around for a raging fire, a dead body, or something else that would induce such a distraught tone.

"At the very least comb your hair and put on some lipstick!" Lily stared at her with disbelief for a moment before continuing out the door, purposefully not bothering to look in a mirror.

"What is wrong with her!" Constance directed this towards Alice, as she was the only one left in the room. Alice shrugged before following Lily down the stairs.

Lily quickly combed her fingers through her hair as she hurried down the stairs towards the Common Room. She didn't want to look a complete mess for Remus as she was technically supposed to be his partner in a romantic relationship. Though, of course there was the tiniest glitch that he happened to be a werewolf.

"Lily," came Remus's voice from by the fireplace as soon as she'd entered the room. The Common Room was deserted as it was breakfast time. She allowed her eyes to glance in his general direction and found his eyes full of concern and regret.

"Hello," she replied rather coldly as she stood staring at him with her arms crossed in front of her. "Was there something you were planning on telling me?" She tapped her foot on the floor impatiently and glared at him.

"Lily, I'm so sorry! I was going to tell you, but I didn't want to scare you away. I just," Remus paused for a moment and bit his lip apprehensively. "I didn't want to lose you, Lily. And who could possibly care for a werewolf?" Anger suddenly welled up deep within Lily. She pursed her lips crossly as all her muscles tensed.

"iI/i would care!" Lily announced this heatedly and shot him a pointed look. "I would care because I ilove/i you! I love all of you no matter what!" She was practically screaming at Remus at this point, tears beginning to collect within her eyes. But Lily couldn't shed any of these tears, because she was too angry, too frustrated, and too betrayed.

"I'm so sorry, Lily," Remus repeated in a whisper. "You're right, I should have told you. But I didn't want to. Things were going so perfectly and I was being selfish. I didn't want to deal with my own problems, because I knew they'd have a negative effect on our relationship. I never should even have brought you into all this," Remus said remorsefully, shaking his head in shame.

"You're an idiot," Lily replied. "This is what people do when they care for each other. They work out problems."

"This is a little more than a slight problem, Lily. This is a major issue. I cannot have you in danger like that ever again," Remus told her solemnly. "I was being completely irresponsible, and you almost got seriously hurt because of it."

"Nothing happened," Lily pointed out stubbornly. "I'm fine, but you still should have told me! You should have trusted that I care enough about you that it wouldn't have mattered!"

"It matters to me!" Remus was shouting now, clearly frustrated. "Lily, if something had happened to you—if—if I'd hurt you," Remus's voice began to waver with emotion. "I couldn't live with myself, Lily. I just couldn't." He jumped up and wrapped Lily in his arms, suddenly overcome with emotion. He held her there firmly for a moment and then pulled away.

"But I'm fine," Lily insisted. "You didn't hurt me."

"Only because James and Sirius were there to save you," Remus responded ruefully. "I'd have injured you for certain if not killed you." His eyes shone with regret as he gazed at Lily.

"I'm alright," Lily whispered gently as she lifted her lips to his and kissed him reassuringly. Remus let her lips linger there for a moment before pulling away and taking a step back.

"We can't," he said quietly. "I can't ever do that to you again, Lily."

"Remus, no," Lily pleaded trying to make him look into her eyes. "Don't do this to me. I can't lose you. I don't care that you're a werewolf! You should have told me, but I don't care!"

"Lily, I just can't," Remus replied, a tear sliding down his cheek. "It's not fair to you."

"You're right, Remus! This isn't fair to me! I've done nothing wrong!" Lily was frantic at this point, trying desperately to cling to what had been so wonderful just yesterday.

"Of course you haven't, Lily. I'm the one that's been wrong."

"Remus, you can't help that you're a werewolf," Lily pointed out frantically.

"You're right, Lily, but I can help what happens to you because of my condition."

"I'll learn how to be an animagus, too," Lily offered, tears streaming down her own cheeks now. "Please, I know you love me. Don't do this. Let me be there for you." Remus raised his hand to wipe a few stray tears away, still avoiding Lily's eyes. He took in a deep breath and then looked into her startlingly emerald eyes.

"I'll always love you, Lily Evans. Always," he uttered almost inaudibly.

"Then I just don't understand," Lily shot back at him, sniffling loudly. Remus placed his hand on her shoulder as though to comfort her, but she simply shrugged it off and turned to run out of the portrait hole and as far away from the source of her pain as she possibly could.

Remus stood silently by the fire, watching as she ran from him. Tears flowed more readily down his cheeks as he allowed himself to cry over all that he'd just lost—over the future that he could have had.

"I could have been happy," Remus muttered to himself bitterly. "iWe/i could have been happy. But I've no right to be selfish, and she deserves better," he concluded to himself. He sat down on the hearth and held his head in his hands not wanting to think about all that he'd just given up.

"Remus," a voice called gently. He looked up suddenly from where he sat to see Alice staring back at him grimly. "I'm sorry."

"I wanted to marry her, you know," Remus admitted dejectedly. "We were going to have two children and live in an old, brick house with a huge backyard." Alice sat down at his side and patted his back sympathetically.

"I know she means the world to you, but at least you know this way she'll be safe," Alice consoled him.

"Yes," Remus confessed, "but it doesn't matter. My heart will always belong to her."

"I know," Alice replied tenderly. "I know."

Lily walked as rapidly as she could down the hallway, keeping her eyes on the ground so no passersby would see the tears streaming from her eyes. Before she'd gotten very far from the portrait hole she ran into something very solid and fell to the hard stone ground abruptly. Not wanting to look up she stayed on the floor in a heap, hiding her face in her arms.

"Lily," a masculine voice coaxed her compassionately. The boy knelt on the floor beside her, wrapped her in his arms and lifted her to a sitting position slowly. She continued to bury her face in her arms, refusing to look up. "Lily, please look at me." With a deep, shuttering sigh, Lily lifted her head slowly and saw James's concerned look directed at her.

"He broke up with me," Lily whimpered, tears still trickling down her cheeks. "I didn't care that he's a werewolf," she added defensively.

"I know, Lily, I know," James replied soothingly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry." Lily cried harder still and finally buried her head in James's shoulder. James wrapped his arms around her instinctively and cradled her consolingly, whispering words of comfort to her.

"I wanted to be with him," Lily whispered into his shoulder. James cringed inwardly as these words struck his heart.

"You love him very much, don't you?" James bit his lip and closed his eyes, bracing himself for her response.

"More than he'll ever know now," Lily admitted softly, tears still trailing down her cheeks.

"He's not worth your time then," James reassured her, rubbing her back gently.

"We both know that's not true," she replied with a sigh, burying her head further into James's shoulder.

"Well, he may be a good guy," James admitted, "but he made the biggest mistake of his life by giving you up." Lily lifted her head for a moment to meet James's eyes.

"Do you really mean that?" Her round emerald eyes gazed at him hopefully.

"Of course I do, Lily. I mean it whole-heartedly. He's an idiot to give you up," James declared with conviction. "If I ever was lucky enough to win your heart over I'd never do anything to muddle that up. I'd be a saint." James sighed deeply as he held Lily in his arms. Lily gazed into James's eyes for a moment and then shrank back suddenly, releasing herself from James's arms. She was frightened by the deep emotion she'd seen there and was in no state to be able to deal with it rationally. "I'm sorry, I've said too much. Forget I said anything. Just know Remus is a stupid git." Lily nodded slowly as she scrambled to her feet and wiped her tears away with her hands hurriedly.

"I'm going to go talk to Alice," Lily explained awkwardly as she started backing away from James.

"Lily, please," James pleaded as he got to his feet and began to chase after her.

"I'll talk to you later, Potter," she returned as she walked swiftly in the opposite direction.

"Lily, wait—" James began, but seeing it was useless he gave up with a deep sigh and slumped against the stone wall dejectedly.