momentum

by lilralien

dog moon

13. last few

chapter 30?

Elphias swallowed heavily, resting his hand against Remus's chest again. What the hell was happening? Was Remus suffering from an attack, maybe a wayward hex? Had Sirius done something to him before leaving? Elphias didn't want to think so. 'Remy,' Elphias called out, not intending to wake up the werewolf, but just to comfort him. Remus didn't seem to be in pain, but the way he fidgeted restlessly indicated how distressed he was.

'Remy.' Remus's wounds hadn't healed fully yet, and Elphias had to wrap his arms firmly around the werewolf to restrain him from moving too much. When Remus whined in protest, Elphias's hold tightened. 'Remy, stop it!'

Remus's eyes hadn't even opened completely before the werewolf pushed himself out of Elphias's arms with an expression that was stuck between surprise and anger. He toppled off the bed almost instantly, landing with a dull 'thud' and a pained cry that pierced through Elphias's marrow. Elphias was so caught by shock at Remus's reaction that he remained sitting still. His eyes were wide with horror as Remus screamed from one of the larger wounds that had opened up from the fall. It took Elphias a good few minutes to finally gather up his senses and cast a quick healing charm on Remus's leg. 'Episkey!'

Remus's cries slowed down to sharp breathing, and Elphias quickly kneeled down beside him to help him up the bed again. 'It's you,' Remus panted out, looking through blurry eyes. 'Elf, it's you...'

Elphias looked at him with confusion. 'Yeah,'s me, Remy. Wha's wrong? Why d'you do tha', eh? You coulda hurt yourself serious.'

Remus ran a hand through his hair, tugging slightly at the ends. 'I thought...your arms...and I thought you were...' He seemed to have trouble forming proper sentences as he settled back down on the bed. 'It was a dream, but Elf...I saw...I felt...' Remus rubbed at his chest aggressively, and Elphias wondered briefly if it was still warm and pulsating underneath. 'I thought maybe he...I got angry but it wasn't real...I-' He looked perplexed and disoriented as he glanced back desperately at Elphias for reassurance.

It must have been Sirius; some part of Remus's unconscious mind must have registered Black's presence or touch or words. Some part of him must have recognised Sirius there in the room or during the transformation, and Remus was only now starting to feel it as well. Shite. 'It was only me, Remy,' Elphias replied, remembering his word to Sirius. He couldn't bring himself to look at Remus in the eye, so he buried his face into Remus's neck instead. He could still hear the wild

thumping of Remus's heart. 'I's been here this whole time, no one else.'

Remus's breathing slowed as if from relief. 'You were supposed to go to a mission.'

Elphias shook his head and pushed deeper into Remus, feeling horrible for lying. He wished Sirius Black had stayed. 'I couldn' leave you,' he whispered, feeling Remus's hand of gratitude lay on the nape of his neck. 'Not tonigh'.'

Sirius couldn't keep his eyes off of Remus. It was too difficult, especially since he hadn't seen Remus since the full moon. When had that been? A week ago? Or maybe a year? It seemed longer, and Sirius had been yearning to see the werewolf ever since. Sirius knew it was wrong. It was wrong to beg Lily into telling him where Remus worked, and it was even more wrong to be spying on Remus without him even knowing of Sirius's presence.

It isn't spying, Sirius tried to reason with himself, I'm admiring him from a distance.

It was so horrible; Remus and the complete injustice of his life. He was one of the top students back in Hogwarts, one of the few people who was predicted to have promising career and was the most likely to succeed, if he hadn't been a werewolf that is. Despite all his education and hard work, Remus was now stuck in the muggle world, working for some kind of shipping company. For the last hour, Sirius watched as Remus loaded and unloaded heavy boxes, sweat drenching his body from the exertion of manual labour. Remus had always been fit and strong because of his lycanthropy, but Sirius thought this job was pushing it too far. Especially when he found out that Remus did this every day of the month save the ones during the full moon.

'Oi, Lupin! Help me with this one, won't you?' one of the other workers called out, and Sirius saw Remus nodding from the other end and adjusting his gloves better in preparation. 'Thanks, mate!'

'No problem, Jones' Remus said so slowly that Sirius had to actually read his lips closely to understand what he was saying.

'Last one for the day, thankfully,' Jones said conversationally, 'I swear they get heavier by the day. I don't know how you do it, Lupin.'

Remus shrugged and smiled, helping Jones carry the box inside the warehouse. Anyone could plainly see that Remus was carrying most of the weight, and with surprising ease, too. Sirius had a feeling that Remus didn't really need Jones on the other side at all, but was simply humouring him and downplaying his own strength.

'Christ!' Jones wiped his brow with the back of his hand. 'I'm getting too old for this shit. I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to going back to my crazy wife after this.'

Remus laughed, but it sounded empty and hollow, pulling at Sirius's heartstrings. He didn't say anything more and untied his shirt that had been knotted around his waist the entire time. As he pulled it on, Sirius cringed at how filthy the shirt was – black smudges and fingerprints everywhere, the white faded to a putrid yellow. Still, Sirius could make out the 'The Buzzcocks' written in dark, bold print. It made him smile to know that Remus still maintained his obsession with muggle music, that he was still the same person Sirius had fallen so in love with.

'I'll see you tomorrow, Lupin!'

Sirius watched as Remus bid goodbye to Jones and a few others, walking away from them almost

too quickly, as if trying to distance himself. Remus hadn't brought a jacket and kept his arms wrapped tightly around his body to protect himself from the slight chill of the evening. 'How did you enjoy a day in the life of Remus Lupin?' Remus asked, chuckling bitterly into the air.

Sirius, surprised and befuddled, looked around him to see if anyone was walking the same direction as they were. However, none of Remus's co-workers seemed to have followed them, most having left for the opposite direction of left behind at the warehouse. Who was Remus talking to?

'I'm talking to you, Sirius,' Remus replied as if reading Sirius's mind.

Sirius was too stunned to reply. He had quite readily assumed that Remus didn't know he had been there, watching him. Sirius was sure he'd chosen a good hiding spot, and he'd even Dillusioned himself as extra precaution. Then how had...?

'I sensed you.'

'Were you watching for suspicious activities?' Remus asked scathingly, still not turning to look directly at Sirius and walking forwards. A few people looked at Remus oddly, obviously thinking he was some kind of loon who was talking to himself. 'Did you think I was going to kill me some muggles? That I have a white mask hidden here somewhere?'

Sirius swallowed, taking of the Dillusionment charm off himself in a dark corner before catching up to Remus. 'I-I only came to see you.'

'You've seen me...for the past hour. Don't take me for a fool, Sirius; those days have long passed.'

The malice in Remus's voice chilled Sirius's heart, but he took a deep breath and kept a brave front. He knew that Remus wouldn't quite listen to anything he had to say, would have even apparated if it weren't for the hustle and bustle of people all heading for their homes after a hard day of work. 'I was an idiot back then. I misjudged you and I-' Sirius looked at Remus's profile, wanting to catch his eyes but failing. 'I wanted to make amends.'

Remus snorted derisively, obviously not believing Sirius's words. 'And I told you before that there is no need. I'm done with you and everything else that comes with it. I really just can't bring myself to care.'

'Liar,' Sirius retorted angrily, not bothering to mask the hurt that came with Remus's words. 'You care, you always have.' As Remus sped up, Sirius tried to keep pace. 'You knew I was there today, you knew the minute I'd come! You always know, you can always tell! So, don't tell me you don't care! Don't tell me that I don't matter when you can clearly feel this...this bond...this presence between us!'

Remus finally stopped and turned to look at Sirius, his eyes blazing with fire and rage. Sirius regretted ever wanting to look into them. 'Yes, I can feel it. So what? What do you want me to do, Sirius?' he spat. 'Should I roll over? Play dead? Bend over so that you can fuck me up again?'

Sirius gaped in surprise. 'Remus, no-' He couldn't bring himself to be coherent enough to debate Remus's harsh words; to tell him that Sirius never intended to hurt him that way; that all he'd wanted to do was mend their friendship and get Remus back into his life. Nothing came out, however, except confused splutters and disjointed words. It wasn't until Remus had walked away in disgust that Sirius finally had the wits to grab him by the wrist and stop him from going too far. 'Remus, just listen to me!'

Remus twisted his wrist in an attempt to free himself from Sirius's strong hold, but Sirius held on.

'Let go of me!'

Sirius grabbed the other arm as well, keeping Remus effectively trapped. 'I need you, Remus,' he said softly, gingerly reaching out to stroke Remus's cheek and feeling a sharp sting in his heart when Remus recoiled. 'I need you to understand that I-'

'Sirius, stop it!' Remus whispered sternly, finally breaking free of Sirius's hard grasp. 'You're making a bloody scene!'

There were quite a few people gathering around them, but their wide eyes and intrusive murmuring only fuelled Sirius's anger. 'I don't care,' he snapped back, grabbing Remus by the shoulders and pulling him closer roughly so that their chests collided. 'Let them see.' He kissed Remus after that, hot and hard, pushing his lips fiercely into Remus's and pulling him nearer until there was no room for even air to pass through. There were collective gasps of surprise and disgust from around them, and Remus was rendered completely unresponsive from shock. Sirius didn't care, and the violent verbal abuse of "ponce" and "shirt lifter" only made him hold Remus tighter; willing him to understand, to feel what Sirius was feeling, to realise that he was literally shaking from the anxiety that came from displaying this aspect of himself to all the world. To respond to the vicious beating of his heart...

The kiss had hardly lasted a few seconds before Remus shoved him off with a rough hand on his chest. He had never looked angrier to Sirius, his nostrils flaring and his face turning a bright shade of red. One person from the crowd actually tried to come to his aid, obviously thinking that Sirius had tried to molest Remus in some way, but stopped almost instantly when Remus looked at Sirius with wrath deep enough to burn holes through Sirius's skin. His eyes had turned into slits, bright and dangerous. Just like the wolf, Sirius realised as he stumbled backwards from the force of Remus's push.

'How dare you?' Remus cried, his voice ringing loud through all the conspiratory mutters of the crowd gathering around them. 'How dare you even fucking touch me? After everything...how can you even think-?' Remus seemed too far gone in his rage to even speak properly, breathing heavily as his fists clenched tightly. 'I can't believe you, you motherfucking bastard, I can't-'

'Remus, please,' Sirius protested, wanting to come close to Remus; to touch him, to kiss him again and make him understand that Sirius was sorry. Sirius had never been more regretful his entire life as he was at that very moment. 'Remus, I love you...' he whispered the last part, but the people around him had heard it just the same and many of them were turning away in revulsion. Quite a few of them were passing rude remarks, but Sirius ignored them, having eyes for Remus alone. 'I love you,' he repeated again when Remus looked incredulous.

'You never loved me, Sirius! Never!' Remus spat, looking murderous. 'Such emotion is beyond you, so don't compare what you did to me with love! Don't make what I felt for you more of a joke than you already have!'

'I was being manipulated!' Sirius cried out desperately. 'He kept telling me-'

'You know what; don't. Just don't speak. Don't try to explain yourself and just leave me alone, yeah?'

'I'm not letting you go again!' Sirius yelled, unconsciously moving into Remus's personal space. 'I told you I lov-'

'And I told you I hate you,' Remus cut in, his voice low and serious.

Sirius jolted back as if slapped. 'You don't mean that,' he whispered, shaking his head in denial. He grabbed Remus by the shoulders in desperation, looking pleadingly into his eyes. 'Remus, you don't mean that.'

Remus's hands came up to Sirius's, holding them painfully tight as he pried Sirius's fingers off his shoulders. 'I hate you, Sirius, more than you can ever imagine,' Remus sneered, bringing his face so close that every breath Remus let out made Sirius's hair fan erratically. 'So just do me a favour and get the bloody hell out of my life.' He let Sirius's hands drop, shooting him a last venomous glance before turning away.

Sirius should have run after him. He should have, but he didn't. He couldn't. He couldn't bring his legs to move or to feel anything except the searing pain of rejection. It was as if someone had simply switched off the life in him, and he could do nothing but stand there and let his brain replay Remus's anger towards him again and again until it made him numb. He was sure that at some point that he'd been hit or maybe punched; he couldn't exactly remember. There were some furious and intolerant people, Sirius knew that, and when he didn't respond, they took it as an opening to abuse him and punch him until he was laying curled up on the hard pavement.

'Bloody faggots...'

'I'm concerned about Sirius,' Lily told James after turning restlessly in the bed for the fifth time. James opened his eyes, looking at her questioningly, so she explained further. 'He was really out of sorts today, don't you think?'

James sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. 'Sirius has a lot of shit to sort out now. With Moony, with us; he's just feeling overwhelmed and maybe a little lost.' He laid a reassuring hand on her cheek. 'He'll be fine. Just give him some time.'

'I don't know, James,' Lily protested, pulling the blanket closer to her body to ward off the cold. 'You saw those bruises; he couldn't even stand straight half the time. I tried to heal them, but he wouldn't even let me near them. You weren't there when I came in, but he looked really torn up. I just-'

'He'll be fine, love,' James reassured with a smile. 'Sirius...that's the way he is, you know. He always takes things a little farther than most, and he punishes himself brutally when he knows he's done something wrong. He's always been this way, even in school...'

The look on Lily's face clearly said that James didn't quite understand what she was trying to say. 'I know that, James, and I've seen how obsessive Sirius can be. But this is different. He's never like this, James, never. He hasn't spoken since he came.'

James's eyes widened in surprise. 'You mean he's been Padfoot all day? I thought it was just when I came home.'

Lily shook her head. 'No, he transformed almost exactly after he came in. Couldn't even bring himself to play with Harry. I've never seen something so depressing, James. I don't think we should have left him alone like that. I really-'

'If he needs us, he can always call,' James reasoned, 'I mean, he's sleeping in Harry's room, isn't he? He knows I'm there for him. He knows.'

Lily bit her lip unsurely. 'Will you check up on him for me, please? I know this seems odd, but call

it women's intuition or just plain concern. Just, sneak a peek at both of them. Harry, too.'

Lily looked so serious that even if James had said no, she would have forced him into getting up. So he sighed heavily, kissed her on the cheek, and pulled on his bathrobe in preparation to go check up on the two occupants of the next room. As he tip toed into Harry's room, James had to dim the light in his wand to avoid waking his son up. He shone the light at the crib first, feeling the corners of his lips tugging into a slight smile as he found his boy sleeping peacefully with one hand fisting his charming little blue blanket. He moved his wand to the other side of the room where Lily had prepared a makeshift bed for Sirius and to his surprise, found it empty.

James frowned. 'Padfoot?' He called, walking out of the room and checking both bathrooms nearby. They were both empty. 'Sirius?' He walked down the stairs and sure enough, found a dim light coming from underneath the closed kitchen doors. James shook his head and rolled his eyes exasperatedly. 'Trust Padfoot to hunt for a midnight snack.' He grinned to himself, figuring he might as well accompany his best friend in his feast and pushed the door open merrily.

Only to have his stomach drop to his feet.

'Bloody hell.'

Sirius was sitting on the kitchen table, legs spread haphazardly as he rolled a rather large knife in his hands. His wand had been discarded under the table, giving enough light to illuminate only part of Sirius's face while the rest hid behind dark shadows. It highlighted his bright grey eyes and threw in an eerie, manic quality to Sirius's face that sent cold shivers down James's spine. He noticed that Remus's collar, the one was Sirius always wore, was wound tightly around his friend's right hand. The same hand that Sirius spun the knife in experimentally before bringing it down to his left wrist. As James moved closer, he could see several long but shallow gashes concentrated around Sirius's wrist, proving that Sirius had been trying this for some time now. Sirius's hands shook as he pressed the blade to his skin again.

'If you go any farther, Sirius, I swear...' James warned, feeling his throat constrict tightly. 'I swear I'll never forgive you. Sirius, I swear.' He voice shook towards the end, scared and stunned at his friend's actions. James had known Sirius had been unhappy; he'd seen it grow ever since Peter's capture, but he'd never pinned Sirius as someone who'd be willing to take his life.

'But this is different. He's never like this, James, never.'

James's voice came as a shock to Sirius, who had obviously been very immersed and set upon his task, and the knife fell from his hands and clattered noisily to the ground. James had never heard a more deathly sound, and he couldn't help but look at the knife on the ground, taking in the sharp, jagged edges and the wicked silver gleam of the blade.

Sirius looked up at him, throwing his face into the sharp light of James's wand. His eyes were wide with fear and surprise, one of them bruised and blackened and contrasting heavily with the light grey of his eyes. 'James...' he whispered, his right hand immediately coming up to cover the cuts on his left. 'I...'

'Why are you doing this, Padfoot?' James asked, levitating the knife and putting it away, far from Sirius. 'Why couldn't you come to me for help? Why did you have to...?' James swallowed the lump in his throat that made it almost painful for him to talk.

Sirius looked away and James saw yet another bruise on his right cheek. 'You don't understand...' James's fists clenched as he shook with anger. 'There is nothing, Sirius, nothing that warrants this.

Nothing you could say could make me understand why you would try to kill yourself.'

'The Avada Kedavara doesn't work,' Sirius replied softly, making James's eyes immediately shoot to the discarded wand.

'This isn't fair, Sirius. How could you even-'

I lost him,' Sirius whispered, bringing his knees up to his chest and burying his head in between them. 'I've completely fucked things up, and there's no way I can fix this. It's over.' Sirius's fingers buried in his dark hair. 'He hates me now.'

'So you're giving up?' James spat, walking closer to his friend until they were only a few centimetres apart. 'I can't believe you. How can you just-'

'He meant it,' Sirius told him, his voice frighteningly low and calm for a person so distraught. 'I saw it in his eyes. He meant every word.' He drew a shuddery breath. 'I'd held on. Since we broke up, I'd selfishly held on, staying a little longer even though I was miserable because I thought that it was all his fault. But I can't do this now, not anymore. I can't...'

James grabbed Sirius by the shoulders, forcing him to turn towards him and look at him. 'And what about us? What about Harry? How could you even think of just leaving us like that, Sirius? We're your family! Weren't we enough?'

Sirius shook his head, eyes casting down to his feet. 'It's different. You won't...Remus is my life, James,' he said, sounding so dejected and hopeless that something in James's heart clenched painfully through all his resentment. 'He's my life and without him, I'm nothing. Maybe we weren't meant to be together. Maybe this just isn't our age, I don't know. But this pain...this feeling...I can't...I can't bear it...'

James collapsed into one of the chairs, head supported on his hands. In some ways, he could understand Sirius's sentiments, could connect with it almost. Hadn't he been the same way about Lily ever since he'd fallen in love with her? And his son: Harry; James couldn't even imagine a life without that little bundle of joy. He would have been nothing but an empty shell of his former self; something Sirius had already become. There was nothing handsome or vivacious about Sirius anymore – no pranks, no tricks, no school boy foolishness or enthusiasm. The war had taken it all and left someone who was broken and marred with bruises, physical and emotional.

His wife had been right all along. If she hadn't persisted on James checking up on Sirius tonight...

'Please don't do this, Padfoot,' James said finally when the silence had been prolonged between them long enough. 'I'll fucking tie you down if I have to. I'll beat you unconscious. I don't care. I'll kill you if you ever try that again. I swear, I'll kill you.'

Sirius chuckled bitterly. 'Similar motives then.'

James looked at him sternly. 'I mean it, Sirius. So unless you want to be confined in some sort of white room, you promise me. You promise me you will never, ever do this again.'

Sirius looked hesitant, and James could tell that he had had every intention to kill himself. Sirius was actually serious about this whole matter, and James suddenly trembled from the unwanted images of Sirius's dead and bleeding body lying on their kitchen floor. The clarity of the visions was almost startling and James found himself pushing his hand closer to Sirius's. 'Marauder's oath. Don't be a coward, Black, and make the sodding promise.'

Sirius nodded, reluctantly extending a shaky hand over James's. 'Marauder's oath,' he breathed,

clutching the collar in his hands tightly.

Remus leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed in front of his chest, as he watched Elphias randomly throw his meager belongings into the trunk he'd borrowed from Remus. They hadn't talked since the morning, which felt unusual to Remus because Elphias's gob never took a break. The boy even talked in his sleep sometimes, so it came as a little troubling when he hadn't spoken for almost an entire day.

'Why are you leaving me?' Remus asked breaking the silence and feeling surprised at how small his voice sounded. He had known that Elphias was leaving of course; he'd known from the very start because Elphias quite literally suffered in the Order and in London. But he couldn't help but feel a little desolate at the loss of a good friend, especially one who had seen him through the worst of his ordeals.

Elphias stopped his "packing" and sighed. 'I ain't leaving you,' he said, his tone speaking against him. 'I'll come back. I told you I will.'

'You won't,' Remus told him, already knowing the future. 'Your friends are there, your family's there-'

'But you're 'ere,' Elphias interrupted, smiling. 'I'll visit, Remy, you know that. I couldn' live a week without a good peek at your fine arse.' He summoned one of the picture frames hung on the wall. It was one of fifteen year old Remus at a cricket match his dad had taken him to during the summer. 'I'll keep this one if you don' mind. 'Your smile's lovely 'ere and 's got a great view o' your crotch.'

'Pervert,' Remus retorted affectionately.

'You know it, love,' Elphias grinned.

Remus sighed, walking in and hoisting himself up to sit on his old bedside table. For some time, he didn't say anything, ignoring the restlessness in his mind that told him to talk, to take action. He felt as if there was something terribly wrong with the situation, something Elphias wasn't telling him, and it stung a little. It stung not to know why someone wanted to leave, and Remus was tired of always being on the receiving end of that hurt. 'You told me you were going to stay. What changed your mind?'

Elphias hit his head against the cupboard door. 'I said I didn' wanna leave during your transformation. You misunderstood me.'

'You're lying. The transformation was a week ago, and I've been watching you pacing over something or the other since then,' Remus argued, 'you never think, Elphias. You once told me it's useless to think ahead and it hurts your sinuses. So why now?'

Elphias shrugged, opening his mouth to say something but deciding against it and closing it again. 'I-" Remus knew the guilty expression on Elphias's face showed that he'd been caught, and he inwardly wondered what this was all about. 'I said this before, Remy. I may be a lot of things, but I ain't no home breaker.'

Remus blinked, not sure how to respond. 'I don't think I understand.'

Elphias took a deep breath; he looked hesitant and nervous to even speak. 'Look...Mr. Black...he ain't so bad, you know. Merlin, he's a great big fuck up but...but he's real...and he's trying. I think-'

'You're siding with him,' Remus said softly, feeling angry and hurt at the same time. Elphias had seen everything, had heard everything that had happened, and he still...

'I'm not siding with him. I-' Elphias shook his head, clearing his thoughts. 'D'you remember when I came in wit' a black eye?'

Remus nodded. 'You told me you fell...'

'I was lyin',' Elphias said, looking down at his scuffed shoes. 'I had a fight wit' Mr. Black...'cause I told him I'd slept wit' you.' Elphias looked at Remus nervously through his eyelashes. He had obviously been afraid to tell Remus this for a long time, thinking Remus would be angry with him. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay, Elf,' Remus said, smiling stiffly. 'I already knew,' he finished, remembering the day Sirius had spilled out everything to him; the day Sirius had proved exactly how shallow his feelings had been for Remus.

'I didn' mean nothing by it. I was...I was real angry, Remy, an' I was tryin' to protect you, an-' 'I know, Elf, I know. You don't have to explain yourself. I'm not angry with you.'

Elphias looked surprised. 'You're not?'

Remus shook his head, hoping his expression was reassuring enough.

Elphias's face broke into a large smile. 'You're the bloody best, Remy! But-' He bit his lip, his face falling into apprehension again. 'Mr. Black...he's...' Whatever Elphias wanted to say about Sirius, was cut off by the look of pain and disgust on Remus's face. So, he shook his head and grinned. 'Never mind. Doesn't matter.' The trunk snapped shut, and Elphias sealed it with a quick swish of his wand. 'I'll miss you, you know. Merlin, I haven't been laid for over a month now, but it was fun. Not the not-havin'-sex part, but bein' wit' you, livin' wit' you.'

Remus laughed, feeling the tension that had been building up between them fall. He was caught completely by surprise when Elphias rushed into him, forcing him into a tight embrace and snuffling into his shoulder. It was probably the first time Elphias was hugging him without an attempt to grope his arse or any other areas of Remus that he saw as particularly fit. 'You're not crying, are you?' Remus asked, chuckling slightly into platinum curls, as the young boy wiped his nose on Remus's shirt.

'Got somethin' in me eye,' Elphias sniffled. 'Damn dust.'

'I'm not upset with James,' Remus replied to Lily's question, gracing the waitress with a small smile as she laid their tea on the table. 'I don't know why he thinks I am, but I'll talk to him, if you like.'

Lily nodded, helping herself to a chocolate biscuit. 'It would really put him to ease. He's so afraid to approach you right now. I know he doesn't say it, but he's always worrying that he might mess things up somehow.'

'He was only trying to help,' Remus replied, looking outside the glass window. Lily mused that it was probably the only thing Remus liked about this café – the view it provided of the lush countryside. The morning sun shone brightly on his skin, tanned slightly now from the hours of work he put in at the warehouse. He looked serene almost – untouchable and detached from the

rest of the world. 'I understand that now,' Remus finished softly, the corners of his lips turning to a not-quite-there smile.

Lily hummed, sipping her tea contemplatively. She wondered why Remus had finally conceded to having tea with her. Was it that her constant insistence had finally convinced him, or was he now ready to come out of his shell and realise that James and Lily were still his friends. She hoped it was the last one, though she doubted it.

Lily had called Remus last night to discuss about Peter Pettigrew and whether he intended on visiting their old friend in the near future. Remus had replied that it was negotiable, depending on whether he had time to spare or not. Lily knew he was busy, but also knew that he was secretly avoiding the meeting. They all were. James had flat-out refused at first, and it had taken Lily an entire week to convince him that the Marauders owed this much to Peter Pettigrew. Even now, James was hesitant. She hadn't asked Sirius yet, not in his current mental state. She couldn't find the courage to and left it upon her husband to deal with their troubled friend.

She sighed heavily at how things had become so complicated and strained between them. Especially Remus, who had become increasingly reclusive since Peter's arrest. It bothered her the same way Sirius's arrival a few days ago to her house had. Christ, Sirius...

'Sirius tried to kill himself the other night.'

The reaction she'd been expecting from Remus, the outrage and concern – none of it came. The only emotion he'd shown as acknowledgement to such drastic news was a sharp intake of breath that could have been mistaken for a sigh and a little uncoordinated blinking. He didn't turn to look at her, continuing to stare outside the window pensively; even his Mona Lisa smile hadn't flinched.

'James found him in the kitchen, about to slit his wrists,' Lily continued, pressing and prying to see if Remus felt anything at all. Why wasn't he reacting? The Remus she remembered would have been upset and angry, demanding to see his friend right now. The Remus she knew would have wept at the very idea of Sirius dying.

'Why slit his wrists? Why didn't he Avada Kedavra himself instead?' Remus asked calmly, much to Lily's surprise.

'He tried,' Lily replied, so taken aback that she couldn't help but blink in complete confusion. 'It didn't work.'

Remus looked at her then, his amber eyes dull despite the sunlight shining upon them. 'Then he never intended to kill himself,' he said coldly, his voice low and menacing. 'It was probably another one of his shows for attention.'

Lily slapped him; it was mostly instinctual the way her hand came up almost the same instant the words had left his mouth. 'How could you be so cruel?' Lily cried, barely suppressing the urge to hit Remus again. 'Do you even hear yourself?' It infuriated her: the way Remus's face remained impassive to her anger despite the spreading redness on his left cheek. 'I just told you he tried to kill himself, and this...this is how you respond?' Nothing. His face was a blank canvas. It was like he didn't feel anything – no remorse, no pain. He could have just been another lifeless ornament in the café. 'He's-'

'He's fine,' Remus interrupted firmly. 'So stop treating him as if the world revolves around him. I've already tried that. It doesn't work.'

Lily's jaw trembled. 'Sirius made a mistake, and he can't be sorrier than he is now, Remus. He's a

complete mess. He can't even stop thinking of you for a single second. Why can't you see that? Why can't you just fucking forgive him? It's not that difficult.'

Remus turned back to the window again, as he replied quietly, 'Have your soul torn apart and then come tell me that.'

Lily stared at his profile for a while, wondering if he was going to say anything more. If he was going to open up to her, tell her how it felt, allow her in to his life, to let her comfort him and make him understand that as wrong as Sirius may have been, he deserved another chance. 'You've really changed, Remus...'

Remus looked at her from the corner of his eyes and gave her a twisted smile. 'I haven't.' He shrugged, still keeping his composed demeanor as he swirled his cup and drank the last of his tea. 'This is what I've always been. A werewolf. A Dark creature. No one you can trust really, and certainly no one you can love.' He chuckled quietly and stood up when Lily found herself dumbfounded and too ashamed to reply. 'I hope you don't mind if I cut this chat of ours short. I'll pay for the tea on my way out.'

'Remus...' Lily reached out for his hand but found herself simply grappling air. 'I'll see you again on Thursday, Lily.'

Sirius was trembling. He was shaking so hard that even the prison guard had noticed and was looking at him now with unhidden concern. It was so bad that Sirius's tremors had made the boat rock in the same rhythm, making James turn quite green in the face from sea sickness. He couldn't stop them, couldn't control them in any manner; they were involuntary almost and the closer they got Azkaban, the more violently his body had reacted.

'Hand in your wands, please.'

Sirius looked at his friends giving up their wands to the guard and hesitated. He felt insecure without his wand, defenceless and useless. Even thinking about having his weaknesses exposed caused him to shudder harder than ever, and he had to hold on to the cold, grey walls to keep himself from falling over.

'Sirius, I don't think you should go in,' Lily said softly, touching his shoulder with a slim, pale hand. For some reason, Sirius's eyes gazed upon her fiery red hair, tied up in a neat bun like she would at a funeral. She'd even worn deep black robes; then again, all of them had.

Sirius looked at her and then at Remus, whose profile was partly hidden behind her. Sirius could barely make out a bruise on Remus's left cheek, the same shade of purple as the one he had gotten the other day for being a "bloody faggot". Remus hadn't acknowledged Sirius's presence ever since he'd joined the three of them at the docks, hadn't even looked at Sirius once throughout their trip. Am I that awful just to see? It was almost as if Sirius didn't exist in Remus's world; Remus had asked him to leave at first and then just thrown Sirius out of his life when he'd refused. I'm here. I'm here, waiting for you just to turn. Turn, please turn.

Sirius gave up his wand to the guard. 'Where now?' he asked, looking defiantly at the prison guard and trying to ignore the constant knocking of his knees.

'Pettigrew's cell is at the end of the hallway to your right. Keep clear of the bars. The prisoners are unpredictable here.'

'Wait, aren't you coming with us?' James asked, looking at the guard incredulously. He exchanged a worried look with Lily and Remus. Lily looked back anxiously, clutching at James's hand tightly, but Remus seemed almost impassive. In fact, he didn't so much as flinch at the news; it was almost as if he had anticipated it.

The prison guard laughed humourlessly. 'Merlin, no. We don't guard inside the prison: just the docks really. Couple of security checks here and there. You couldn't pay me to go in there, especially not this area. Maximum security, you know; what with all the Death Eaters.' He shivered from nonexistent cold. 'Dementors swarming all over the place. Pettigrew's is the only one they don't come near.'

Lily looked as if she was going to be sick, and James wrapped a protective arm around her, pulling her close to him so that they were meshed together. The sight made Sirius feel painfully alone and he looked away, focusing on the way his shoe laces were haphazardly tied together. He looked up through his eyelashes to see Remus already entering the hallway, keeping ahead a good few paces. Not wanting to be left behind, Sirius followed quickly, listening to the measured footfalls of his other two friends close behind them.

The prison guard hadn't been exaggerating. There were Dementors everywhere, but that wasn't what caught most of his attention; it was the prisoners. Sirius had never been to Azkaban before; he'd heard a lot of horror stories about it but never thought a place so frightening could ever exist. But here it was, in its full glory, and even worse than it had been described by his parents years ago. Most of the prisoners had started screaming the minute they'd entered the hallway; a lot of them calling for help, to let us out, please, let us out! Some were crying even, trying to reach through their bars and shying away almost immediately when the Dementors came dangerously close. Sirius saw a few of them muttering to themselves maniacally: skeletal in their forms, their bodies unwashed and filthy. Sirius recognised a few of them; he'd seen them last at a family gathering when he was fourteen.

The Dementors were feeding upon these people, Sirius realised as nausea rose up his throat. These filthy creatures were devouring the human soul, eating away at every single joyous moment that these people had ever been blessed with. It was unspeakably cruel, inhuman to have these creatures safeguarding the prison. No one deserved this. No one deserved to be stripped off their happiness.

'Merlin.'

Sirius's shaking was getting worse. What had been slight tremors was now turning into a complete epileptic fit. He couldn't calm his restless mind and with horror, he realised that it was because the Dementors were circling around them, their attention turning to fresh prey instead of the same prisoners that they stood guard upon.

James stood up almost immediately, shielding Remus's sleeping figure from Sirius. Sirius hadn't meant for this to happen; he hadn't meant for Snape to almost get killed. 'Back to finish the job, are you, Black? Couldn't kill Remus last night, so let's do it today, eh?'

The reaction was immediate. Sirius covered the distance between them in two quick strides and grabbed James by the collar. 'Shut up, Potter. Shut the fuck up, before I-'

'Before you what?' James asked, pushing Sirius off him roughly. 'Before you manage to kill me too?'

Sirius blinked rapidly, wondering why this walk was taking so long. The corridor couldn't have been that long, could it? He tried to look at the others but was met only by dark swishing cloaks and hands that looked like it had been rotting underwater for years.

Regulus spiteful laughter interrupted him mid sentence. 'You really do live in another world, don't you, brother?' When he saw Sirius's bewildered expression, his smile grew wider. 'What, didn't anyone tell you? Father died last month; he retched all over mother's clean silk sheets until he hadn't had a drop of fluid in his body left to spare.'

Sirius staggered, tripping over his own feet and almost falling over. He caught himself just in time, shooting a reassuring glance at James and Lily before hurrying forward. Remus hadn't looked back, not once, and Sirius gazed into his back, willing him to meet eyes just once.

The Death Eater called Yates rubbed his face beneath his mask. 'You don't know if that's what really happened to Regulus, Manson. We have nothing to prove that he's really dead.'

Sirius swallowed, trying to rid himself of the bile that threatened to rise in his throat. There was already a bitter taste in his mouth, making him regret ever coming in. This place was more than he could handle; there were too many of these Dementors and it could have just been his mind playing tricks on him, but it seemed as if they were focused only on him. Focused only on his old memories and bringing them back again.

Sirius sighed heavily. 'I think, Remus, that this should end. Whatever we have between us; it's not working anymore.'

The knife. The knife was the first thing that came to Sirius's mind. That knife and the life he had reluctantly promised James to live. Sirius didn't even know why he'd agreed in the first place; maybe it was the thought of never seeing his Godchild again or the pleading, almost desperate look in his best friend's eyes. Sirius hadn't been able to refuse; there were very few times in his life that Sirius hadn't listened to James. But right now, he wished he hadn't. Right now would be a great time to die, to end this misery and pain that grabbed him by the heart and pulled him deeper and deeper until he was bleeding everywhere. What was the point? What was the point when all he'd done was make people miserable? What was the point when Remus looked right through him?

'I hate you, Sirius, more than you can ever imagine,' Remus sneered, bringing his face so close that every breath Remus let out made Sirius's hair fan erratically. 'So just do me a favour and get the bloody hell out of my life.'

He bent over and vomited across the floor, most of it just water because he hadn't had anything to eat since yesterday morning. Even then, it burned his throat and weakened his knees so that they collapsed underneath him. Instantly, there were hands pulling his hair back from his face and rubbing his back soothingly. They were delicate and soft, as a woman's should be, barely putting any pressure as they tried to soothe his pain.

'Should I roll over? Play dead? Bend over so that you can fuck me up again?'

'Padfoot, I think you should go back,' Sirius heard James say as he knelt beside him. 'The

Dementors are affecting you more strongly than us. You won't make it.'

'I'm fine!' Sirius snapped, roughly pushing away Lily's hands. 'Don't treat me like some kind of invalid!' He wiped his mouth quickly, pushing himself up on his feet by using the floor that wasn't covered with puke as leverage.

'Sirius, you can't-'

'I'm fine!' Sirius roared.

'Filthy blood traitor! You're a useless disgrace to the family name! You're no son of mine!'

His traitorous body betrayed him almost immediately, making his knees buckle yet again and sending him collapsing to the ground, thankfully away from his own puddle of sick. His knees scraped painfully against the stone floor and for a moment, Sirius could do nothing but lie there, panting for breath.

'I hate you!'

There was sudden warmth on his shoulder, a brush of soft feathers against his cheeks, and a beak nudging insistently against the side of his head. Sirius opened his eyes to see a falcon perched on his right shoulder, silver and gleaming. It was a Patronus of course, and it had a silvery trail that smeared outside its body and went back to its source. Remus. Sirius looked up to see Remus standing over him, eyes closed and palms raised.

'Remus...'

Remus's eyes fluttered open as the charm cast completely, and Sirius felt his heart beat faster as their gazes met. The torrent of nightmarish memories had stopped, and Sirius found himself running through a green field and playing chase with his father at his heels. His mother was laughing from somewhere nearby, her blond hair swaying gently to the wind. He liked it here, liked running fast with his hair falling behind him like that and his father struggling to keep up with him. It made him feel like the king of the world.

With a startle, Sirius realised that it wasn't one of his own memories he was seeing but Remus's. He knew it was an intimate part of Remus's childhood, but Sirius couldn't help but make it his own; taking it in and accepting the feeling of protection and warmth that spread through him. He kept his eyes open though, despite the feeling of contentment and invincibility against the Dementors; he didn't want to break away from those beautiful amber eyes that, after a long time, looked concerned through his previous haze of apathy.

'It's wandless, so it won't last long,' Remus stroked the bird's head, his fingers visible through the transparency of its feathers. 'Keep close,' he commanded it softly, but Sirius felt as if Remus was talking to him instead. 'Don't let go.' The falcon nudged his hand reassuringly.

Sirius's staring came to an abrupt halt when Lily let out an almost inhuman cry of grief, and he saw her collapse into James's arms two cells away. She was sobbing hysterically, and James himself looked equally pale and about to faint; it seemed he couldn't take his eyes away from the occupant of the cell in front of him. Sirius looked at Remus one last time and without any discussion, hurried off to where James and Lily were standing.

The minute he'd reached there, however, Sirius felt his heart stop and the feeling of nausea rise again. 'Merlin...'

The stench was horrible; the strong scent of urine and faeces permeating the air around them. There was fungus growing on the dank walls, putrid green and infesting everything within its reach. There were no windows, like most of the other cells, no light or hope to shine through and Sirius wouldn't have noticed the slumped figure in the middle of all this wreckage if it hadn't been for James's borrowed lantern. Peter Pettigrew was lying on his side with his mouth open, amidst his own waste and his prison robes hanging loose upon his once chubby form. He was filthy – his clothes soiled and torn in so many places that they barely covered the essentials and definitely could not have protected him from the constant veil of cold that hung over Azkaban. His face could barely be made out from all the dirt and grime that covered it, and his once blond hair was now almost black and falling out in many places.

Yet, Pettigrew showed no signs of discomfort or disgust in being captive this way. In fact, had it

not been for the occasional blinking of his eyes and rise and fall of his chest, Sirius would have thought him dead. Death would perhaps been a relief, because Peter was soulless. There was no life without your soul, no love, no happiness, and no existence.

'Take me out of here, James!' Lily sobbed, clutching on to her husband and burying her face deep into his chest so that she didn't have to see Peter's wasted self. 'Please, please, I don't want to do this anymore!'

Merlin. All the anger, the resentment, the utter detestation he'd felt for Peter: Sirius felt it all falling away. Peter had done a lot of things; had betrayed them, worked against them, but he had never done anything to deserve this. No one deserved the Kiss, Sirius realised, backing away from Peter's cell. No one deserved to only have a functional body to live in, but no heart to beat life inside your chest.

Sirius's back hit the cell opposite to Peter's. He immediately found himself being strangled, a rough pair of hands grabbing him by the neck and choking him. The fingers were weak, and Sirius frantically pried them off, moving away in fright. The hands called out for him from within the shadows and Sirius could barely make out pleading blue eyes.

'Help me!'

'Sirius! Stay away from the bars!' James cried, pulling him closer to their little group. Somehow, the horror and panic had shifted them close together into one unit, chest to chest and back to back. James was still holding Lily close as she cried hysterically. Remus had his side pressed to James's back, eyes wide and sweat beading on his forehead and upper lip. With surprise, Sirius realised that his own back was pushed into Remus's chest. One of Sirius's hands was holding on to Lily's and the other was fisted around Remus's waist and at the back of his t-shirt, trapping the werewolf and keeping him from moving away.

'Let's leave. Come on, let's go home.'

The falcon on Sirius's shoulder flickered and fluttered wildly, signaling the disarray of Remus's emotions. It huddled close to Sirius, seeking and sharing warmth, making keening, helpless noises that made it sound almost like a real animal. It nipped at his skin in alarm and desperation, though Sirius's didn't feel much more than a slight pinprick and glimpses of memories that held the Patronus upright. 'Let's go,' Sirius whispered shakily, and the falcon buried itself into his neck for refuge.

chapter 31?

October, 1981...

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up even more. 'You're the best writer amongst us, Moony, so I figured you could write this article better than either of us, really.'

James smiled at Remus, who replied with a weak one of his own; it felt like ages since his lips had turned upwards and the sentiment now felt painfully foreign on his face. 'There's no guarantee that the Daily Prophet will actually publish it, James. It's a direct attack against Crouch's methods and right now, he's about the only thing that people think they can actually depend on.'

James frowned; the deep creases gracing his forehead making him look unspeakably old. 'Look, I know some of dad's old friends, alright? I can get this through. Seriously, don't tell me you actually want Peter to stay like that in Azkaban?'

Remus traced the flowery patterns on the tablecloth, hesitating only for a moment. 'No,' he replied, remembering the hideous and nightmarish scene from their trip to Azkaban, 'I don't.'

James leaned up on his elbows, coming invasively close to Remus's face as if sharing a secret. His face, however, was pleading and willing Remus to understand his plight. 'It's cruel, Moony, what they're doing. I'm not going to stand for something so completely inhumane. We get Peter out of there, and he gets a chance to be cared for in Mungo's or at least given an easy death.'

Remus nodded, pushing back his chair and getting up. 'I'll try my best to make this work. I have to go now, James.'

James blinked in confusion. 'Why? It's only been...' He looked up at the antique grandfather clock – a Potter heirloom. '...half an hour since you came. Stay a while...have dinner.'

Remus shook his head and tried smiling in what he hoped looked appreciative. 'Some other time maybe.'

James held Remus's upper arm gently, questioningly. 'It's Lily, isn't it?' he asked, looking unsure and perhaps a little guilty. 'Look, I'll talk to her, yeah? I know she's being a little pushy about this whole matter, but she really just wants to see the two of you happy again.'

'I'm fine,' Remus replied, his body going rigid at the indirect mention of Sirius.

'Moony, if you're upset with me...'

'I'm not,' Remus interrupted, trying not to look at James's hurt expression. He didn't want to have to

feel that wrenching guilt at James's pathetic and sorry face. He didn't want to have to feel anything because everything always ending up hurting too much.

'Then stop ignoring me, damn it!' James yelled suddenly, punching Remus lightly on the arm. 'Both of you pretend as if I don't even exist, like I don't care or understand what the fuck's going on!' His voice cracked a little and he pushed Remus angrily, not allowing the werewolf to talk. 'Hell, I don't think Padfoot's even said hello to me in a month – he stays with Harry mostly. And you! You act as if I'm not even your friend anymore!'

'You're misunderstanding,' Remus managed to say before being grabbed by the collar and pushed again quite roughly by a man who was a good few inches shorter than him. James seemed really angry this time, angrier than usual even. His face was turning a bright red, his magnified eyes glaring holes into Remus behind his glasses, and his fists clenching tight to restrain himself from hitting anyone. It was a good thing Harry had gone to Lily's parents for the day, or else he would have started crying at the sight of his father.

'Starve yourselves...bruise yourselves...kill yourselves,' James spat, enunciating each word with a violent shove. 'Why should I drag myself down to both of your self inflicted tortures, right?' He towered over Remus as the werewolf was backed into the chair and forced to sit down. 'I never judged you, never taken sides. I always tried to help whenever either of you needed it. So don't fucking throw me aside like trash when the pair of you are drowning in your fucking issues.'

'I'm not-' Remus tried, wondering what was the best way to placate James's sudden outburst; what was he supposed to say when most of it was true? He couldn't quite deny it, and he had no excuses to justify himself except that Remus just wanted to be left alone. He wanted to be dependant only on himself, to have complete control, so that nothing -no one - like that ever happened again.

'James, I-' Remus shouldn't have come over to the Potter's in the first place, despite James's pleas about Peter on the Floo. Things always went downhill between them nowadays. Some way or the other, Sirius would be mentioned and tensions would fly high, leaving Remus with the urge to just run. To scream and tell them that it was none of their business and that he no longer cared anymore, so they could stop it now. 'I'm sorry, James,' Remus squeezed out finally, looking up at his friend's angry eyes.

James's eyes softened and he moved away, falling into the chair beside Remus dejectedly. 'When's the last time you called me Prongs?'

Remus shrugged, looking away.

'It's always James now, isn't it? Why not Prongs? What's changed?' James asked sadly. 'We grew up.'

James chuckled humourlessly. 'Remus, we both know that this pretense of being uncaring doesn't work on me. I'm not Lily. I'm your friend, your brother – I can read you like a book.' He pulled out his wand, the old Marauder glimmer back in his eyes, though not as bright as it used to be. 'I'm warning you, don't ignore me. I'll strap you to this chair if that's what it takes. Don't test the waters with a bloke who spent the whole day cleaning dirty diapers.'

Remus breathed heavily, forcing a bit of himself on the surface, if only to please James and make him feel better. He tried to grin, but felt it coming out a bit more twisted and pained than he intended. 'Dinner, eh?'

'I-I come with a warning – no, a request – please-'

Dumbledore cast a muffling charm around them, watching as the leaves and branches still

whipped around them but made no sound. 'What request could a Death Eater make of me?'

'The prophecy...the prediction...Trelawney...'

'Ah, yes.' The Prophecy. The one thing Dumbledore had been agonising for months now, trying to decipher it's meaning, to find out who would bring the Dark Lord's to his knees. Knowing that Voldemort knew about it, despite Dumbledore's attempts to keep it hidden was no surprise. Trelawney's prediction had been unexpected after all and also not the most strategically placed. 'How much did you relay to Lord Voldemort?'

'Everything – everything I heard! That is why – it is for that reason - he thinks it means Lily Evans!'

'Prongs, where's Harry? I have the most brilliant-' Sirius's running stopped almost as abruptly as his speech, as his eyes fell upon Remus, sitting beside James on one of the couches. Their eyes met – gold against silver – before both of them looked away.

'So, what's this brilliant thing of yours?' James asked, trying to cut the tension between his two friends. He eyed the bright orange packet in Sirius's hand warily, wondering what sort of gift his friend had bought Harry yet again, how much it cost, and how big a fit Lily was going to have over Sirius doting and spoiling Harry so much.

Sirius grinned, though James noticed that it was half hearted and a little miserable – not unlike the ones his friend had been wearing for the past few weeks. Sirius was quite deliberately avoiding Remus's eyes, and Remus was staring abnormally hard at the bright orange packet. 'Well,' Sirius said in a conspiratory voice, 'I figured I could take Harry to his first trick or treat in this!' Sirius pulled out a costume from his packet and held it up with flourish.

James gaped, taking in the bright red robes and the prowling golden lion adorned on the chest. The robes had obviously been modified and made brighter and shinier to appeal to children, but there was no denying what it represented. 'Gryffindor Quidditch robes!' James exclaimed in excitement; they were truly the smallest pair he'd ever seen, but didn't fail to send him into a nostalgic trip down memory lane.

James turned to look at Remus to see his reaction, but was confused to see a frown upon his friend's face. James couldn't quite read Remus's expression, not with the mask he'd put on, but he thought he could see brimming horror and maybe anger. Scratching the back on his neck lightly, James looked back at Sirius to see what could have caused such an averse reaction. It took a while for James to understand that Remus was not looking at the packet, but rather at the healing horizontal cuts on Sirius's wrist where the sleeve of his leather jacket had slid down.

'Does it hurt?' Lily asked softly as she dabbed the cleaned cut with James's aftershave. 'I could-' Sirius shook his head. 'Let it be,' he replied softly, purposefully avoiding James's gaze. 'No one will

see.'

'It's deep,' Lily explained, gently winding a bandage around Sirius's wrist.

She looked at her husband who shrugged; she probably didn't understand why Sirius was doing what he was. James did. But only to a certain extent, and while he didn't approve of it, he felt that Sirius had a right to choose the way to remember his mistakes and repent for them.

'It'll mark if we don't,' she persisted, clipping the bandage tightly.

'Good,' Sirius replied, taking his hand away and flexing his wrist experimentally.

Sirius must have noticed Remus's gaze as well, because he suddenly switched the costume to his other hand, letting his left fall and clutching at the sleeves of his jacket tightly within his fingers.

'Harry's at Lily's mum's place, but they should be home soon. Why don't you sit with us for a while?'

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches..."

'Did you expect the Longbottoms instead?' asked Phineas, looking down at Dumbledore from his

portrait.

"...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..."

'I was expecting someone older,' Dumbledore replied truthfully. He looked up at the rows of Headmaster peering down at him anxiously, waiting for his verdict. 'The thought had crossed my mind, but an infant...' He chuckled humourlessly. 'My best guess was Charlie Weasley, oddly enough.'

"...and the Dark Lord will mark him as an equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not..."

'Can we change what's already been written? Haven't we learned from experience that a Prophecy is inevitable?'

Dumbledore sighed. 'The outcome is inevitable, not the consequences. That is my theory.'

There was a murmur between the Headmasters, some agreeing to Dumbledore's opinions, other debating whether anything could truly be done to avoid such a situation. For the first time, even Phineas was showing concern about matters outside the school grounds, but only because he knew that the last of the Blacks, his grandson, was somehow involved in this while ordeal.

'Severus Snape...did he mention when Voldemort intended to attack?'

Dumbledore shook his head, his face looking so sad and pained that many of the Headmasters had to look away. 'Voldemort doesn't trust his most faithful servants...and with good reason, don't you think?' Dumbledore wiped his glasses with the sleeve of his robes. 'Snape came to me the minute he got the news...but the question is...how soon was this news revealed to him?'

"...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives..."

The fireplace suddenly swirled green, startling all three Marauders. Remus and Sirius had both

drawn their wands almost immediately, face tight with adrenaline rush. Summoning his own discarded wand, James mused how synchronised the two of them were even though they were hardly talking to each other. It was almost as if one could read the other's mind and anticipated exactly what the other would do.

'Professor Dumbledore!

'I'm sorry to come uninvited, boys,' the Professor said gravely, stepping out of the grate and dusting off his robes. James noted that his usual twinkle and cheery smile was missing. 'I'm afraid I have some grave news. You might want to sit down.'

'You're afraid he might have been too late.'

Dumbledore looked out his window, at the scores of student running around the grounds. Classes were over for the day and their joyous laughter resonated all over the castle, bringing life to the grey stone walls. 'Fear is only as deep as the mind allows,' Dumbledore replied ambiguously.

"...the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."

'I should...I need to call Lily,' James whispered shakily. Remus was sure James's knees would collapse as he walked over to the muggle telephone Lily insisted on keeping. 'Make sure they come back straight away,' James said to no one in particular, and Remus felt the fear bubbling in him ready to erupt. It was a miracle by itself that James wasn't screaming or crying from helplessness right now, because Remus was barely restraining the urge to. Perhaps it was only the shock of the news that was still holding his friend upright.

'Professor, what do you propose we do?' Remus asked Dumbledore when he noticed that even Sirius seemed too distraught to speak. Who wouldn't be? With a Prophecy like that, who wouldn't be?

'The Fidelius Charm,' Dumbledore replied, looking at James with a thoughtful expression. The young Potter must have heard them because he suddenly turned, looking even more worried. 'I'm sure you boys have studied about it in school. The mechanics are complicated, but it seems to be our best solution for at the moment.'

'The Fidelius Charm,' Remus repeated softly, as he looked down at his feet and recalled everything he'd learned back in Hogwarts. 'You'll need a Secret Keeper for that. Someone to protect the location within his mind.'

'They're safe,' James called out, walking swiftly towards them. His voice sounded a little pitchy, but relieved nonetheless. 'They're on their way now.'

'Let me be your Secret Keeper, James,' Remus said immediately, not even giving the chance for James to sit down. 'You've seen what I'm capable of. You know I can defend you best.' A decision as serious as this needed some thought, he knew; they had to analyse the situation, find out problems or other alternatives because the Fidelius was too complicated for even the smartest of people to cast. Then again, when it came to Harry and his two best friends, Remus had never considered hesitation an option. 'So, if you agree, I'd guard your secret with my life.'

'NO!' Sirius cried suddenly, startling everyone in their seats. It was the first time he'd spoken since the news of the Prophecy had been revealed to them. 'No. It should be me. I'm the obvious choice and even if something happens...if they find out somehow and I...' Sirius swallowed heavily, sparing Remus a quick glance. 'Even if I die, the Fidelius will hold.'

Remus frowned. 'You can't protect everyone, Sirius. As you mentioned, you're the obvious choice. If Voldemort were to target anyone, it would be you first.'

'That doesn't mean I would reveal the secret!' Sirius replied heatedly, eyes seeming overly bright. 'I would never-'

'No one questioned your loyalty here, Sirius!' Remus snapped, feeling blood pound in his head from anger at Sirius's insolence. 'But putting your neck on a silver platter when there's clearly an easier solution is just plain stupid!' He rose to meet Sirius's intense glare the same time Sirius flew out of his own seat with defiance. It was turning out exactly like one of their old fights; they would always get angry at each other over something, always try to push each other to gain the upper hand. What was Sirius thinking anyway, sacrificing himself like that when Remus had already proposed the idea first! 'Just let me be the fucking Secret Keeper, you bloody git!'

'No! I forbid you to! I won't let you-'

'You're not my bloody owner!'

'I'm only trying to-'

'I think,' Dumbledore interrupted with a very loud and deliberate cough. 'That this conflict would be solved if I were to offer.'

In the heat of the argument, Remus had, quite honestly, even forgotten James and Dumbledore were still there. He blushed a bright red and sat himself down again, turning his focus away from a still standing and gobsmacked Sirius to look at James.

Face buried in his hands, James laughed bitterly. 'Some day this turned out to be, eh? Just minutes ago, I was trying my hardest to get the two of you to speak two syllables to each other, and now you're fighting over who wants to get murdered first.' He ran his hands through his hair, clutching tightly at the roots. 'Fuck! He's just a baby, damn it! Sorry, Professor.'

Dumbledore smiled kindly. 'We don't know when Voldemort will strike, so the sooner you decide, the better the chances of young Harry being safe.'

James nodded. 'When can we cast it?'

'Tonight,' Sirius interrupted before Dumbledore could reply. 'We do it tonight. I don't know how the spell works, but we'll learn.' He looked at Remus and the others defiantly, as if willing to challenge him. 'We'll have the Fidelius set up in an hour, I promise you.' He quickly knelt in front of James, resting both hands upon his best friend's knees. 'There's only one way to do this, Prongs, and you know it. The Professor's already has enough on his plate without us dumping such a responsibility on him.'

Dumbledore sighed exasperatedly. 'The decision is yours to make,' he replied to Sirius's apologetic gaze. 'But it must me done quickly and wisely.'

'And you can't choose Remus over me, Prongs. I'm your brother. You can trust me, but Remus...' Sirius looked resolutely ahead, as if pretending that Remus wasn't even in the same room as them as he finished his sentence in a deliberately audible whisper, '...he's a werewolf, Prongs.'

James's gasp of anger was masked by the sudden ringing in Remus's ears. It stung. Even though Remus knew perfectly well that Sirius had only said it in an attempt to get Remus to back off. Even though Remus had trained himself for over a month now to be immune to everything related to Sirius, to not care at all. It stung, burning through his veins and causing his heart to jolt painfully.

Remus shrugged, trying to appear blasé and unaffected by Sirius's comment. 'Yeah. Alright. As long as Harry's kept safe...' He smiled softly at Dumbledore (who looked sad but un-interfering) and patted James reassuringly on the back. 'It's always been Sirius anyway.'

'That was really below the belt, Padfoot.'

Sirius looked at Harry, slumbering peacefully against his father's shoulder; James hadn't let go of his son since they'd come back from visiting Lily's parents. 'I won't be long, I promise. Dumbledore gave me a good list and I'm sure I saw them at the Auror Library.'

I understand why you did it, but...he was really hurt,' James continued, his grave tone seeming almost comical as he rocked on his feet to keep Harry asleep.

Sirius sighed, looking past James's shoulder to where Lily was making one last Floo call to James's mother. 'Look, Prongs,' he said finally, rubbing his face tiredly, 'it's not your part to worry about the two of us right now, yeah? Harry's top priority at the moment and I need to leave as quickly as I can.'

James nodded reluctantly and gave a yelp of surprise when Sirius suddenly pulled him into a painful hug. They detached almost as quickly and Sirius gave James his most winning and carefree smile – the sort he'd always give before a marvelous prank they knew they were going to get away with. 'See you.'

'It was low of me,' Sirius whispered to himself, as he looked at the blood-red moon through the tinted window of his helmet. 'But it had to be done.' He tried not to think about how Remus had reeled back in shock at Sirius's comment; the movement had barely been noticeable, but Sirius knew Remus more intimately than anyone else. 'I'll apologise,' Sirius assured his guilty conscience, 'if he can even bear to look at me anymore.'

As he approached Godric's Hollow, Sirius lowered his bike slightly. It wasn't very far now; and feeling safe and close enough to a magical community, Sirius switched off his invisibility shield. Godric's Hollow seemed unusually bright for this time of the night – there were too many lights, too many houses that were awake and if you listened close enough, there was also the beginnings of a confused commotion. Frowning, Sirius pushed to the maximum speed, feeling resistance pick up tenfold, and threaten to push his body off the seat. His jacket strained against him as he dived downwards for a landing, still a few blocks away from the Potter's cottage.

Misjudging the distance between the ground and himself in haste, he failed to pull back in time and crashed into an ungainly heap, his motorcycle falling on top of him and crushing him. There was an ephemeral moment where Sirius was too paralysed with pain to even move; his head throbbed and his vision swam despite the helmet on his head having taken most of the blow.

'Fuck.'

'Fuck.'

Remus dunked his head underneath the tap, breathing heavily through the cool water that poured across his scalp. He could taste the bitterness of his own sweat as it washed away down the sink.

His heart was still pounding wildly against his chest; hard and fast enough to crack ribs and deafen Remus to all surrounding sounds except that frantic thumping.

The dream had been so vivid.

He screamed. Screamed and screamed someone's name so loud that his voice sounded strained and hoarse, on the verge of breaking.

Remus shut his eyes tightly, trying to remember whose name it had been. In the dream, Remus had known, had heard, and it had sent him spiralling into an even deeper nightmare. Remus had heard and comprehended, and fallen to the ground in despair, wishing he were dead, wishing it were him instead.

His throat felt oddly sore.

He rested his head against the cool tiles, trying to remember. But it seemed that the more he tried, the more he forgot. It was like trying to hold sand in fisted hands: everything seemed to slowly slip away until all Remus was left with were mismatches traces of what he'd seen.

He was surrounded by rubble and he was walking through it. Not over it, but through it, as if he was a ghost. The sharp edges didn't cut, the broken cement didn't bruise, the body laying face down on the ground didn't move...

Remus's whole body felt as if on fire and he pressed harder against the cold bathroom tiles. 'Calm, Remus,' he soothed himself softly, 'it was just a dream. Calm down. It was just a dream. Just a dream, Just a-'

Dull brown eyes stared back at him lifelessly and he couldn't bring himself to look away. It was as if he was expecting them to light up, blink, wink mischievously...

But they didn't let him wait, to stare a little longer to see if those eyes would respond to him again.

Long, red cloth wrapped tightly around his eyes, entwining across his face and pulling him away. His hands came up almost immediately, struggling to free himself before the cloth got too restraining...and he let out a terrified scream when he found himself with a fistful of hair.

'-dream. Just a dream, Remus. Stop it,' Remus scolded himself, punching the wall with his fist angrily. 'You're being stupid. Stop it. It's just a dream. What's wrong with y-'

There had been lightning. The most unusual sort he had ever seen. It hadn't been a bright gold across midnight blue; not at all like the ones he used to watch as a child with awe-filled fascination and the slightest bit of fear. It was a bright, liquid red and he reached out a shaky hand to-

-wipe away the blood only to have more pooling around the cut. 'It's okay, Harry,' Sirius choked out, cradling the crying child close to his chest. 'Padfoot's here. Everything's okay.' He pressed his wand against Harry's forehead, whispering a quick incantation, 'Episkey!' The wound instantly closed, but cleaning up the rest of the blood with the edge of sleeve revealed a long thin scar the

shape of a lighting bolt.

He needed to get out of here quickly. People were starting to swarm and it would only be a matter of time before they would cause enough commotion to bring in Death Eater attention. Sirius didn't know where Voldemort was, didn't know how Harry had survived through this whole ordeal, and he didn't care. He needed to escape, needed to save his godson before that bastard came back to finish the job.

He pulled out a blanket from underneath the debris, dusting it and casting a quick cleaning charm before wrapping it tightly around Harry's fragile body.

Oddly, the aroma of tea did nothing to calm Remus's frayed nerves.

He spooned out abnormal amounts of sugar, not sure how it was going to help but feeling the need to do something, try anything to quell this anxiety bubbling steadily within him.

The carpet brushed against his bare feet as he walked into the living room with every intention to spend the night watching a lot of junk TV. Nothing could send him to sleep better than old re-runs of the romantic soaps his mother used to love watching. He toyed with the remote for a while, switching channels randomly before settling on the one he thought looked most boring.

Sipping his scalding tea carefully, Remus looked at the half moon outside and wondered-

-if apparating would be too dangerous. His bike was a mess, but not beyond flying. However, time was of the essence here, and traveling on the bike was going to waste a large, unnecessary amount of it.

Sirius bit his lip urgently, his mind in turmoil: a wild frenzy of thoughts and alternatives. Harry had fallen asleep, exhausted and spent, his tiny heartbeat calm against Sirius's own anxious one.

He was this close to breaking into hysteria. There was nothing he could do, nothing made sense anymore, and he could see people nearing them with every passing second. Neighbours? Death Eaters? He couldn't possibly fight them alone, especially not without endangering the child in his arms.

'I'm so sorry,' Sirius said in a strangled voice, 'Prongs, Lily...I'm so sorry.' He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the crown of his godson's head, picturing bright green grass and a black, steel swing on the back porch...

'REMUS!'

Remus jolted awake from an uneasy sleep for the second time that night. 'REMUS, OPEN UP, PLEASE!'

He blinked sleepily: once, twice, not quite registering the loud banging against his house door. It took a few minutes of staring blankly at the television to realise that whoever it was, was still

screaming his name, and that the almost desperate voice sounded very familiar.

'REMUS!'

Remus's eyes widened in realisation. 'Sirius!' He nearly tripped over his feet in haste, knowing that the apprehension he'd been feeling all night had somehow been a trigger, a sign towards reality. He'd know. This whole time, some part of him had just known...

'REMUS, IT'S ME! PLEASE, PLEASE, OPEN THE DO-'

The door swung open, and Remus barely had time to take in Sirius's disheveled appearance, because Sirius was pushing past Remus into the house and locking the door with various protection spells and charms. It didn't take very long for Remus to notice the small bundle of blue balanced precariously in Sirius's arms.

'You need to help us, Remus, please. You need to help us,' Sirius babbled, sealing the muggle lock on the door as well. 'I didn't know anyone else I could go to and I don't think I was supposed to apparate, but I didn't know what else to do, so I-'

Remus grabbed Sirius by the shoulders, stopping his rant momentarily. 'Sirius, tell me what happened.'

Sirius swallowed, his eyes shining brightly. 'I don't know. We were supposed to cast the Fidelius, and I think I was too late. Fuck, I was too late and James and Lily were-'

Remus felt his throat close up, remembering the dull hazel eyes from his dreams. 'No...'

'I found Harry, underneath the wreckage and I had to get him out, Remus. I had to...I don't know how he survived, but I think Voldemort's still alive...'

Sirius took a deep, shuddery breath, before continuing to blather incoherently. Remus wasn't even hearing half of what he was saying; his mind had seemingly stopped functioning the moment Sirius had revealed James and Lily's-

NO! They couldn't be dead. It was impossible! James and Lily...they were...they were...invincible. Remus had seen them minutes ago, hadn't he? He had kissed Lily and Harry on the cheek and even gotten one of James's manly, awkward, back-patting hugs. They had been there, and Remus had been so confident that they would be fine, despite James's nervousness. The defiant expression on Sirius's face had left no doubt in Remus's mind, even if it had hurt to look at him back then. So how could they have just...? Hadn't Dumbledore assured them that everything would be all right, that things would work out fine and that they had still had time to cast the Fidelius and...

'They might follow us, Moony, because I apparated and they can track us down that way. It isn't that difficult. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for bringing you into this mess but I didn't know what else to do, or who else to go to, and apparating was the fastest way out of here because I think I crashed my bike pretty bad, so-'

Sirius's rants were interrupted by loud multiple sounds of apparition and almost on instinct, Remus summoned his wand from the couch.

'The lights are on! Quickly! Break open the door!'

Sirius's charms on the door must have been weak or hastily put, because no sooner had Remus's wand flown into his hand that the door burst open to reveal a flurry of black robes and raised

voices instructing to surround them and 'cast on command'. Remus wasn't sure who reacted first: them or him, but his instincts kicked in at the nick of time and he found himself shielding Sirius and Harry with his whole body and casting a strong Protegoaround the two of them just as three bright jolts of Stupefy was shot towards them.

'There's a child here!' Remus screamed, strengthening his protection shield even as Sirius crouched down into a tight ball to protect Harry with his own body. 'Petrificus Totalus!' Two more spells from the back bounced against the shield, and Remus felt panic rise against his throat. 'Expelliarmus! Stupefy!' His eyes darted around quickly, heart speeding up when he realised that there were six of them and hardly two of them to keep Harry from getting hurt.

The whole room was lit up from wayward spells from even different wands, bright green and red – zigzagging across the room and hitting random objects. A jet of purple grazed Remus's ear, burning a hole through the skin there and shattering the lamp behind him.

Dimly, Remus could hear Harry beginning to cry. 'Stupefy! Protego! Stop it!' Remus cried again, looking back, past the strong shimmer of his magical shield to make sure everyone was all right. 'Plegia! Stop it! You'll hurt-'

'STUPEFY!'

Remus wasn't sure if it was his own disoriented mind, or if he had actually heard the echo of that same incantation thrice, as he flew off his feet and hit his back against the wooden banister of the staircase, hard. There was definitely a crack, though Remus suspected it was probably the rail and not his back, even if the pain coursing down his spine seemed almost like he'd been speared right through.

'REMUS!'

Remus fought to keep his conscious, struggling against the darkness around the edges of his vision. He needed to keep his shield up for Harry and Sirius, or they would get hurt. What would he tell James and Lily then? If their son and best friend got hurt, Remus would disappoint them horribly and they'd never want to come back again or even see Remus again.

'YOU BASTARDS, WHAT DID YOU DO?'

chapter 32

November, 1981,

'YOU BASTARDS, WHAT DID YOU DO?' Sirius screamed, holding Harry close to his chest. 'REMUS!'

'Wands down. We have the werewolf.'

As soon as the spells ceased, Sirius pulled down Remus's Protego shield with a quick swish of his wand and hurried over to his friend, who was lying amidst broken wood and debris from the crash. 'He'd better not be dead, you bloody motherfuckers! He'd better not be dead or I'll kill every last one of you!'

Sirius's free hand fell to Remus's chest immediately, searching for a heart beat and finding one, much to his relief, steady and stable. His relief was short lived however, because his eyes immediately fell upon Remus's shoulder. Part of the broken banister had pierced through Remus entirely and was now jutting out, bloody, jagged, and sharp, much too close to his heart. 'Merlin...'

'Are you alright Mr. Bla-'

'Don't come near me!' Sirius cried, whipping his wand out immediately as a warning. 'Thompson, if you know what's good for you...you will take these aurors and leave immediately, do you understand me?'

The other aurors around them raised their wands immediately at the threat, but Adrian Thompson put a hand up, signaling that spells were unnecessary. 'Black, we need you to give us that child.'

Sirius's arms tightened around Harry, whose crying was yet to stop. 'Under what grounds? Explain yourself. Who ordered you to come here?'

Thompson straightened, taking on the stance of a well trained auror. 'We've received orders from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. We are to take this child into the Ministry's custody until the Department deems it safe enough to release him into a safer, more secure place.'

'Safe? You just tried to kill him!'

'We apologise. We needed to disarm the werewolf for safety.' Thompson was determinedly trying not to look at Remus's crumpled and bleeding body, trying to pose as apathetic and carry out his orders. Sirius remembered that Thompson had once been John Lupin's partner, and was quite fond of Remus.

'That werewolf was trying to protect me from your men's pathetic spell casting,' Sirius spat. 'Fuck your orders and Crouch! I'm not giving up my godson to that bloody murderer.'

Thompson kneeled beside Sirius, coming closer to speak so that only the two of them were part of the conversation. 'Look, Sirius, I like this as much as you do, yeah? But I'm under specific orders that I cannot disobey under any cost. There are rules and-'

'Don't talk to me about rules, Thompson,' Sirius snapped back, making sure he was loud enough for everyone to here and be intimidated enough to back down. 'I know that rule book by heart, and I can name at least twenty that you have broken standing right here. Attacking an infant, injuring an innocent, entering without a warrant, misuse of spells, should I continue?' Sirius smirked cruelly when he saw Thompson and the others' faces ashen. 'Remember this: I'm a Black and a senior auror. Disowned or not, I can take you, Crouch, and this entire Ministry down with a snap of my fingers. Do. Not. Mess with me.'

'The Death Eaters have already attacked the Longbottoms because they couldn't reveal the child's whereabouts!' One of the aurors cried; Sirius recognised him as a sophomore in the academy, but didn't quite know his name. 'They're enraged with Voldemort's death! You can't possibly fight off so many! We-'

'That's enough, Bradely!' Thompson ordered harshly, and the sophomore returned to his position, looking disgruntled but not speaking any more.

'Voldemort's dead?' Sirius asked, his rage taming down to confusion. 'How? Who...?'

'We weren't told,' Thompson replied stiffly. 'But it has something to do with the child. From what we know, the boy survived the Killing Curse-'

'That's impossible!'

'-the curse was deflected,' Thompson continued, ignoring Sirius's disbelief. 'Voldemort is dead and the Death Eaters have gone rampant. All aurors have been ordered to spread out and capture them. So I suggest you do your duty and surrender the child to us. We will then contact a suitable healer for Mr. Lupin.'

'No,' Sirius replied immediately. 'This is what you will do. You will leave and go back to Crouch. Tell him you've completed the fucking mission. Your orders are to keep Harry safe in the Department, am I right? Well, I'm part of the DMLE, so you can consider your job done.'

Thompson gritted his teeth. 'Black...'

'That is an order, Thompson; from Sirius Black, second in command to Auror Alastor Moody, Division Three. Leave and make sure none of your men here inform Crouch of this loophole.' Sirius glared at all five aurors, standing erect with their wands clasped to their sides. Amateurs: all of them; their shoddy and aimless spell work and the fact that Remus was able to hold them all off for so long on his own proved the fact. 'I recognise some of these men...or should I say children? Anyone even dares to open their mouth and I'll have them relocated to bloody Kenya, am I clear?'

The aurors looked at each other and Thompson nervously, confirming that Sirius had been right to think that the DMLE was a having a shortage of men, and were starting to resort to trainees. He looked at Thompson challengingly, surprised to find that rather than looking intimidated, Thompson seemed almost contemplative. Sirius had a feeling he was going through the suggestion quite thoroughly, and figured that any partner of John Lupin had to be a decent enough bloke.

His wand still pointed towards Thompson, Sirius looked over all the aurors again, eyes narrowing when he found a woman, fidgeting slightly among the others. Her stance was very different: unsure and unsteady, her wand pointed at a wrong and unprofessional angle, her legs positioned awkwardly. Sirius's eyes moved to the buttons of her sleeve, finding crosses engraved in red on the surfaces of each. 'You're not even an auror, are you?' Her stumbling gave away to Sirius's suspicions and he heard Thompson and a few others groan. 'You're the site Healer. Good. You can stay and tend to my friend here.'

The woman looked to her leader uncertainly. 'Sir?'

Thompson sighed heavily. 'I can see why Moody chose you as Deputy, Black. You're too perceptive for your own good.' His eyes met Sirius's and then fell to Remus. 'Go ahead, Tennyson. You heard Black. However, you are to watch over this house and its residents. Any sign of suspicious activity, you are to contact us immediately.' He nodded in encouragement when the Healer seemed hesitant to step forward. 'The rest of you: apparate to site ten on command.'

'But, sir!'

'Our mission is complete, Auror Bradely,' Thompson said firmly, his voice bordering on harsh.

'Apparate on my command.'

Sirius watched them all Disapparate, sighing in relief and muttering a silent 'thank you' to the empty air in front of him. Now that the threat was gone, all the adrenaline and anger seemed to rush out of him; and he slumped against the wall from exhaustion. Running his hands through Harry's soft, unruly hair, he tried to soothe the crying child in his arms. Sirius tried to keep Remus's battered body out of Harry's vision as he hid his godson's face within his shoulder and muttered quiet reassurances that he didn't believe himself. 'Shh, love, they're gone now...'

Sirius felt Healer Tennyson staring at him, but couldn't meet her gaze because of the stinging in his eyes. He turned his head to the side of Harry's head instead, so that all he could see was the jet black of his godson's hair, and all he could hear were the hiccupping sobs against his shoulder. 'Remus...how is he?' Sirius whispered, glancing at the clock and feeling even more tired when he saw that it was nearly three in the morning.

Sirius heard Tennyson smile through her words. 'He'll be fine, I promise.'

Remus woke up when the first rays of sunshine hit his face through the window. Eyes scrunched up and head throbbing, his right hand came up to shield his eyes from the unwelcome onslaught of light. He groaned in contentment when someone volunteered to close the drapes, all but ready to go back to sleep and forget about the dull pain coursing down his spine. His hand fell away from his face, settling on his chest which felt oddly large and...lumpy?

It took a lot of time and disjointed thinking for Remus to realise that there was a warm, breathing weight on his chest, and it was making the oddest whistling noises.

'I hope you don't mind. He fell asleep and I didn't want to take him to the other room. Since you had to stay on your back anyway...I let him lie on top of you.'

Hearing Sirius's voice dispelled the last vestiges of Remus's sleep, and the werewolf opened his eyes tiredly to find Harry slumbering on top of him quite comfortably, thumb in his mouth and the other hand clutching the blanket on top of them tightly within his fist. Remus felt the corners of his

lips tug in a smile and he rested a shaky hand on top of the child's head. 'Is he okay?' he asked, looking at Sirius briefly.

Sirius nodded, and Remus noticed that he had large, tired bags under his red rimmed eyes. 'You were brilliant, Moony,' Sirius said softly, sitting down on a chair beside the bed and rubbing the day old stubble on his face. 'I've never seen you fight like that before.'

Remus's fingers ran through Harry's hair. 'And you? Are you hurt?'

'I-' Sirius seemed shocked at Remus's question, though Remus couldn't understand why. 'I'm fine,' he replied, smiling weakly and looking down at his feet. 'You're the one that's hurt...sorry.' Sirius buried his face in his hands. 'The Healer says your back will heal completely in an hour, but you'll need to take Blood Replenishing Potion for a few more days.'

Remus frowned in confusion. 'What about the aurors?'

'Dumbledore talked to the Ministry. A few of the aurors are guarding the house now. News of Voldemort's defeat has spread, so Harry's protection is top priority,' Sirius replied, his voice muffled through his hands. 'So far, they've caught eighteen Death Eaters, all around London. The Death Eaters aren't likely to come to a town as small as this and none of them know where you live, so we're safe for now.'

Remus felt his head begin to throb harder. 'I don't understand.'

'James and Lily are dead, Moony,' Sirius whispered, his voice cracking. Remus felt his blood run cold. 'Harry...I don't know how, he survived the Killing Curse. I can't tell you the mechanics, but Dumbledore says it was some sort of ancient spell that Lily might have used. I...that's all he told me before leaving. He says he'll explain once he gets back and that I might have to give up Harry...'

Remus swallowed, his hand resting on Harry's back possessively. 'Harry doesn't have anywhere else to go. We can't-'

'I won't,' Sirius replied with determination, looking up at Remus fiercely. 'He's my godson. I have the legal right to take care of him, and even Dumbledore can't take that away from me.'

Remus nodded weakly. 'I still don't understand how...' His throat closed up at the last minute, and Remus looked away from Sirius's sad, drawn out face.

'Me neither.'

Sirius burst out laughing.

'Voldemort is not dead,' Dumbledore said gravely after a long period of silence which both Sirius and Remus were given to contemplate last night's ordeal. 'No matter what everyone else says, my boys, you must remember that Voldemort is not dead.'

'I assumed as much,' Sirius replied tiredly, looking briefly at Harry in Remus's arms.

Neither of them had let Harry alone for even a second out of (perhaps) irrational fear of being attacked again. While both exhausted, Sirius more than Remus, neither allowed or trusted anyone else to care for the child and took turns instead.

'Is he going to come back?' Remus asked, worry etching deep lines into his face.

Dumbledore nodded. 'Eventually. We must all remember that Voldemort was beyond a human being. He survived that Curse...barely...he is but a shadow of himself...an entity that exists but nothing more. For now...' Dumbledore sighed, adjusting his half moon glasses, and Remus noticed that the old professor looked just as weary as both of them, even more so. 'He's biding his time, I feel, gaining his strength...and there will be a time when he returns.'

'Then we'll be prepared for him,' Sirius interrupted, his eyes bright and defiant. 'We'll fight.'

'I'm afraid it's not as easy,' Dumbledore conceded, 'but we all agree here that young Harry's safety is top priority...which is why I'm asking you to entrust Harry's care to the Dursleys.'

'No.' Both Sirius and Remus chorused vehemently.

'I understand your concerns, but-'

'Professor, please,' Remus said softly, hating to go against the man who had practically given him his life, hating having to disobey him yet again. 'Please. Harry is safe here with us...Sirius is his godfather...'

'Besides, what will those muggles do when a situation arises?' Sirius retorted angrily. 'They have no weapons, no magic. They can hardly keep themselves up straight; what can they do for Harry?'

'They can provide blood magic,' Dumbledore replied calmly. 'Lily Evans sacrificed herself for her son, and this sacrifice resides in her blood. The same blood that runs within her sister, Petunia Dursley...'

Sirius's expression tightened.

'While with the Dursleys, Harry will be protected from all Dark Magic until the day he turns seventeen. No one can touch him there. However, with you, Sirius and Remus, it is only a matter of time.' Dumbledore looked at the two of them, his blue eyes piercing into their very being, prying into their conflicted emotions and thoughts. 'You can try and protect him, but what guarantee do you have that you will succeed?'

Remus's eyes met Sirius's, and he knew they were both thinking the same things. As Dumbledore had mentioned earlier, Harry's safety was their only true concern, and sending the child off to the Dursleys seemed to fulfill that purpose most effectively. But there was also a matter of attachment and protection, of emotions, and for Sirius and Remus, it was mostly a matter of losing the only family they currently had left.

'He will grow up away from the Magical World, away from prying eyes and the constant uproar that will follow him everywhere he goes.' Dumbledore looked at Remus here specifically, and Remus understood that it was because only he truly knew what it felt like to have other people interfere in his life against his will. 'There will be no pressure of being "the boy who lived", no false pride that comes from it. He will be of pure heart, as his parents once were...'

Remus's jaw quivered at the mention of James and Lily, and he looked away from Dumbledore to his feet in an attempt to control the rising emotions within him. There was an throbbing in his chest – strong and fast, sharp and hard – and he unconsciously kept Harry close, as if putting pressure on his heart would ease the pain.

'I understand that it is hard for you and as sole guardian of Harry, Sirius, this decision is yours to make,' Dumbledore said softly, leaning closer on the edge of his seat. 'If you are to decline my

offer, I'm in no position to refuse you. However, I ask you to put Harry's well being to mind...'

Sirius looked at Dumbledore, his grey eyes sombre and sad as he struggled to speak. Remus realised that, for once, neither of them could find the right thing to say; neither of them could weigh the pros and cons, nor consider other alternatives in fear of losing Harry to them. Somehow, inexplicably, everything that had happened in the past few hours tied down the soft whistling sounds of Harry sleeping in Remus's arms.

'You have two weeks to decide,' Dumbledore said finally when the silence had stretched too long. 'But, Sirius, you must stay in this house, within muggle communities. Your flat was raided last night, so you are not to return there under any circumstances.'

Sirius didn't look very surprised, and Remus realised that the Animagus must have predicted the attack in his flat beforehand to have come to Remus last night.

'Remus, I want you to put up all of John's wards back again, and carry on with your daily life as if nothing has happened.'

Remus nodded in affirmative. 'I'll do my best, Professor.'

Dumbledore smiled, getting up to leave. 'Please make the right decision.'

Sirius couldn't sleep...hadn't slept in two days.

No matter how hard he closed his eyes, no matter how tired and exhausted every part of his body was feeling; he couldn't shake of the discord in his mind and there was certain tightness in his muscles that refused to relax. His joints ached, sudden bursts of electricity that ignited every time the vision of James and Lily's prone and lifeless body swam behind his closed eyelids.

Sirius turned on his side, curling up into a tight ball and hugging his knees to his chest. He pressed his face deep into the pillow, willing himself not to cry and repeating a mantra of "be strong for Harry". It was a mantra he'd been training himself into for the past two days, because he knew that once this resolution broke, there would be no end to the flow of tears and the sheer anguish of his loss.

So he focused on Remus instead. Remus, whose voice he could hear through the door as he sang softly to baby Harry. Sirius had been struggling to get Harry to sleep for nearly two hours before Remus had volunteered silently to take over.

'So lift your eyes if you feel you can...'

Of the two of them, Harry was currently the most energetic – playing with lopsided toys that Sirius transfigured for him and crawling all over the house in joy. Sirius wondered if Harry remembered any of it, if a child of his age understood the complications of death and his parents never coming back again.

There had been scarce times when Harry had cried for 'ma' or 'dad', when both Sirius and Remus didn't know what to do. But Harry was a happy child mostly, and he had perhaps adjusted to the new situation better than any of them had.

'Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan...'

Remus said it was because Harry still considered himself to be in a safe, familiar environment with the two of them around – 'Moo' and 'Pa'foo'. But then, what would happen if Sirius decided to send Harry off to the Dursleys? What then? Would Harry cry for hours and hours, calling for his parents and having no one comfort him? Would Lily's sister buy him silly toys to make him feel better? Would she turn into that black, hairy dog that Harry loved to hug and cuddle with? Would she sing to him in the middle of the night – soft, melodic lullabies that soothed his soul and rocked his body into a peaceful slumber?

'I figured it out...what I needed was someone to show me...'

And Remus...would Remus ever talk to him after this? The shared responsibility of taking care of Harry, the guilt and sorrow over their best friends' death – once all that washed over, would Remus ever look at him again? Dumbledore had claimed to understand Sirius's situation, had told him that losing the right to protect his godchild was difficult but necessary. But did the Professor really understand? Did he realise that by giving up his godson, Sirius would also be giving up the fragments of his life that made him whole? Did he realise that losing his godson would also mean losing his very existence?

'Lost in love and I don't know much...'

'I don't want to be selfish, Prongs,' Sirius whispered quietly into his pillow, 'but I don't want to lose

Harry...or Remus...I don't want to lose them...' 'Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch...'

'Tell me what to do,' Sirius pleaded softly, his throat feeling constricted, 'just tell me what you think is right...'

'But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted...'

'Sirius?'

Remus had thought Sirius was asleep, but judging by the dark circles under the man's eyes, it was obvious he been having a hard time. Remus didn't blame him; he himself hadn't been able to sleep, which was why he had volunteered to put Harry to bed. It had been a good way to occupy his mind from the plaguing thoughts of losing James and Lily and the decision Sirius was likely to take regarding Harry.

'Moony...' Sirius whispered, resting his head against the door frame as if in unspeakable pain. 'Moony...I...'

'Sirius, are you alright?' Remus asked with concern. He patted Harry's back comfortingly when he felt the child shift in his arms. 'Is something wrong?'

Sirius shook his head slowly. 'Remus...I want to...I need answers...I need to go...now...to...to...'

Sirius's words faltered, but Remus understood regardless. 'Yeah. Yeah...me too...,' Remus confessed, looking into the grey depths of Sirius's eyes and finding his own soul mirrored there. 'We can go now...'

Sirius's eyes widened in surprise. 'Together?'

Remus nodded solemnly. 'I think so. We can't apparate, but...Dumbledore left us a Portkey...for...' He swallowed heavily before continuing, '...we can use that...and take the bus tomorrow...'

When he'd agreed to go with Sirius, Remus had mostly been afraid that the journey would be too violent and end up waking Harry from his much needed slumber. However, to his surprise, there hadn't been a stir from the child despite their hurried and almost desperate need to wrap up warmly and leave Lupin Cottage.

During the Portkey ride, Sirius and Remus had formed a tight circle with Harry in between, their arms linked together in a protective embrace and their heads bowed down to rest delicately on each of Harry's shoulders. Their combined weight had also acted as an anchor, keeping the trio from toppling over as they appeared on in Godric's Hollow in a rush of wind and swirling clothes, right in front of what once used to be Harry's home.

It looked exactly how Remus had left it the other day, as he hugged and kissed James and Lily goodbye. The grass underneath them was bright green even in the dark, and there were even a few flowers sprouting from the bushes around the house. The only sign of their loss, of James and Lily's sacrifice was the large, gaping hole on the side of the house that once used to be Harry's room.

'They've arranged the graves,' Sirius whispered softly as he disentangled from Remus and Harry.

Heart beating fast, Remus turned to the graves not far from where they were standing – side by side and hollow. James and Lily would rest here tomorrow, Remus realised with horror. His best friends would be lowered down to these identical dark chasms, never to come back. They would leave, just like that, without a single goodbye; they would leave and all Remus would have of them would be memories and monuments of all the times they'd shared.

'Prongs hated closed spaces,' Sirius commented, fingering the epitaph engraved artfully onto the headstone. It was dark to be able to read them, but as Sirius's fingers looped and circled over the words, Remus clearly read 'James Potter'.

Remus didn't question Sirius's actions as he climbed into the grave and lay there on the ground on his back, eyes closed and hands rested on his stomach as if he were really dead. Instead, Remus sat down on the grass above, leaning against the side of Lily's headstone and watching the slow rise and fall of Sirius's chest as it matched Harry's and his own rhythmic breathing.

'I'm going to give him up,' Sirius said after a long time, waking Remus up from his trance. 'If it means Harry's going to be kept protected, I'll let Dumbledore take him...' He looked up at Remus, his grey eyes looking tired and worn. 'His safety is all that matters to me right now...'

Remus shifted, moving his numb limbs to a better position and adjusting Harry so that the child was wrapped more securely within his jacket.

'It's not what you want, is it?' Sirius asked in reply to Remus's silence.

'No,' Remus admitted quietly, looking up at the night sky. The stars shone bright above them, and Remus wondered if all those fairytales about your loved ones watching you from the heavens were true. 'You don't want it either...'

The wind blew serenely, gently caressing their faces as if in comfort. 'No...'

Remus closed his eyes. It was the right thing to do, he told himself silently, as he turned to rest his cheek against the cold stone. The decision would bring closure and purpose to James and Lily's

sacrifice. Remus only wished the twisting in his guts wouldn't make it so painful to let go. 'I wish I would wake up,' Sirius said wretchedly.

Five minutes later, Remus found him fast asleep.

'Where do you think you're going?'

Elphias frowned at the man glaring down at him. 'T' the funeral,' he replied, holding back the 'obviously' when he noticed the shiny, silver auror badge on the man's chest. 'I travelled all the way from Stepney t' get 'ere, so would be really nice if you'd let me through.'

'Let him go, Hobbs,' a voice called out from behind the rather large auror that Elphias wished wasn't breathing so heavily on his face. 'That runt wouldn't harm a fly.'

'Oi!' Elphias cried, feeling indignant at having been called a runt and looking past the auror's shoulder with great difficulty to see Kingsley Shaklebolt smiling merrily at him. 'You!'

'You're late, Dodge,' Shaklebolt commented in his deep voice. 'The ceremony was over an hour ago. Most people have left by now.'

Idly, Elphias wondered if the entire Auror Force was chosen based on size alone; one seemed to be progressively larger (enormous) than the other. 'I ain't here for most people,' Elphias replied, shooting Hobbs a dirty look before moving past him. 'Is Remy still 'ere?'

Shaklebolt nodded. 'He's with Black, towards the end,' he directed, pointing to his right, beyond the never ending rows of white chairs.

There had obviously been a lot of people who had come to pay their respects; Elphias had heard the news on the radio that many were migrating from different parts of the world just to attend the funeral. It also explained the tight security around the entire area and the scores of flowers that lined the Potter memorial. There was even a special dedication to James from the Quidditch team he used to play for; Elphias couldn't quite tell because he'd never been into much sport apart from dueling.

'Devastated, the poor chaps,' Shaklebolt commented sympathetically, 'I've never seen Sirius this upset, not even after his own brother died.'

Elphias had tried to make it in time for the proceedings, but being an unregistered, non-existent entity didn't help matters at all, especially when all the apparating channels were jammed and Portkeys being near impossible to order without approval of the Ministry. He had truly like James and Lily Potter; they'd been kind to him and they'd always loved Remus a lot. Elphias hadn't known them too well, but remembered how much they'd supported Remus and made him happy, which was all that mattered really.

'Wha' abou' Remy?' Elphias asked, standing on his tip toes in search of Remus and Sirius. There were two cloaked figures somewhere towards the end, and Elphias assumed it was them from the blue baby carriage that stood in front. 'Is he o'right?'

'Lupin's always been strong,' Shaklebolt replied ambiguously, invoking even more confusion and questions in Elphias's mind.

'Bloody...when will them gits learn t' always give a Cockney bloke a straigh' answer?' Elphias grumbled to himself as he stopped by the Potter's grave to pay his respects before walking to where he thought he'd spotted Remus and Sirius. 'Didn' come all the way t' listen to no philosophy...mad, abnormally huge bloke...'

Elphias recognised Remus immediately, even from a distance. Even though his head was bowed down to conceal his face, choppy brown locks longer than Elphias had left them; he knew Remus by just his presence. Remus was trembling slightly; Elphias reckoned it was a bit cold and the werewolf's jacket had always been a bit threadbare.

There was a slight guilty pleasure of being able to see Remus again after such a long time, even though Elphias wished the circumstances weren't so upsetting. Unknowingly, he built up his pace, wondering how he was going to talk to Remus after such a horrid ordeal and what Elphias could say to ease the pain the werewolf must be feeling. He stopped abruptly, however, when he noticed that Remus's trembling hadn't been from the cold at all.

Small, pearly teardrops collected at the end of the werewolf's nose, falling down his chin and cheeks like the soft drizzles of April. Remus was saying something; Elphias could see his mouth moving but wasn't close enough to hear.

'Remy...'

A shaky hand reached up to Remus's cheek, softly brushing away his tears, and only then did Elphias remember that Sirius was also standing beside Remus, looking just as red eyed and tear stained. Sirius was speaking as well, perhaps in response to Remus's own despaired murmurings and Elphias could just barely make out the words, 'I'm sorry' form on the man's lips.

They'd reconciled, Elphias realised with a smile and perhaps a hint of jealousy. Judging by the way they were standing close and speaking softly with each other and the way Sirius's hand lingered on Remus's cheek in an exaggerated caress, it was quite clear that the two of them were back together again.

Visiting Remus could wait, Elphias decided, as he duly kept his distance and watched as Sirius's hand now settled on Remus's shoulder. Elphias was obviously not the person Remus needed right now, and the young blonde was more than willing to let him be for now. After all, there was certain amount of satisfaction to be gained in watching Remus turn into Sirius's arms as they embraced slowly, arms encircled tightly around each other and foreheads resting on shoulders.

'Let me just say goodbye to Remus and Sirius, Arthur. They might even need help with young Harry and I-'

Elphias grabbed Molly's Weasley's hand suddenly, pulling her back. 'Oi, where d'you think you're goin'?'

Molly spluttered indignantly, 'Well, I never!'

chapter 33

November, 1981

Remus sighed, closing the door behind him and hanging his keys on the hook. It had been an exhausting day at work today; more so because Remus rarely got any sleep for the past week from worry and late nights taking care of Harry. The heavy equipment had weighed down on him despite his werewolf strength and he'd been nearly killed twice from overbalancing. Even the boss had noticed his ineptitude and in a rare moment of kindness, had given him the rest of the day off to 'bloody pick up your strength before I fire you!' The man had a heart of gold, really.

'Moony, come quickly!' Remus heard Sirius yell excitedly from the living room. 'And bring the camera with you! Quickly!'

Remus felt his heartbeat relax; for a moment, he had actually thought something had gone wrong or someone had invaded the house even through all the protection wards. But the happiness in Sirius's voice put a rest to such doubts, and Remus hurried into the living room, oddly yearning to see both Harry and Sirius after what felt like a long day at work.

He felt his lips tug into a smile when he entered the room and quickly summoned the camera from upstairs.

Little Harry was walking...waddling...stumbling: he was taking his very first, uncoordinated baby steps. His chubby little legs were unsteady, but his face set in a determined frown that reminded Remus too much of Lily, as he tried to balance on his legs and walk at the same time without falling over. There was an odd sense of pride in seeing Harry accomplish something so small though Remus could never explain why.

'Brilliant, eh?' Sirius looked up at Remus, eyes shining brightly from pride and joy. 'He can finally walk. Took him long enough.'

Remus smiled and sat down in front of Harry, who was swaying quite dangerously. 'I still can't believe he learned to fly before he learned to walk. He's James throughout.'

'But with Lily's eyes,' Sirius said, reminiscently.

Harry fell flat on his cushioned arse, his face scrunching up in what would be a very loud crying session unless one of the elders consoled him. Remus in particular, since he was sitting right in front of the child: 'Come on lad,' Remus cooed predictably with a smile. 'Get up and walk to Moony. Come on...'

Harry's lower lip trembled and he looked at Sirius behind him with large teary eyes.

'Go on,' Sirius urged, 'be a good chap and walk to Moony. Don't make that face. Come on.'

Harry burst out crying, obviously angry with them and ironically crying out both their names in a plea to be held. Remus, being closer, picked him up and petted his back in a way he knew soothed Harry. It was odd really, how even though they'd only had the child for a week, they grown accustomed to his habits, likes and dislikes in a way that suggested years of experience.

'Did that hurt, love?' Remus whispered, kissing Harry's hair and rocking him. 'Did our little man get hurt?'

'He doesn't cry out for them anymore,' Sirius said softly, starting Remus out his Harry-concentrated stupor. 'James and Lily...he doesn't say ma or dadlike he used to, have you noticed? It's just our names now and it's barely been a week.' Sirius ran a weary hand through his hair and flopped down on the couch. 'Another week and then he'll be at the Dursleys and he'll forget all about us as well. And all we'll have are these silly pictures...'

Remus didn't have anything to say, no reassurances that Harry would never forget his own parents or uncles, no consolation that after eleven years, they could visit Harry without Dumbledore's restraints. Sirius was right. All they had were pictures; everything else had already been destroyed. Their friends, their family...

'I have some good news,' Remus said instead, trying to bring a cheery smile on his face, as he dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out the latest copy of the Daily Prophet. He passed it on to Sirius. 'The last of the suspected Death Eaters have been captured, all jailed, except Snape.' The name came out more as a sneer from Remus's mouth, and Sirius's own lip curled in disgust. 'Malfoy and Karkaroff trials will be held tomorrow. Malfoy's pleading innocent under influence of the Imperius, and I reckon he'll get away with it. But he's harmless without Voldemort...the family's too much about reputation to really do anything drastic.'

Sirius frowned, reading through the article on the front page. 'Crouch's son is on the list.'

Remus nodded, putting Harry down to play and sitting beside Sirius. 'Crouch is losing his votes as Minister, so Fudge is a definite win. He's been demoted, in fact, though he jailed his own son... heartless ba-' Remus looked down at Harry playing happily and corrected himself with a cough, '- bad man. Heartless bad man.'

'Barty Crouch Junior...he was with my cousin, wasn't he?' Sirius said thoughtfully. 'He was in the Longbottom torture case. Deserves to die if you ask me, the ba...ahem...bad man.' Sirius folded the paper and set it down on the table. 'Well, brings relief if anything. This means I can go back to work again in a week. No more threats.'

Remus hummed. 'I was thinking we could go out for a walk or something, maybe shop a little. The two of you haven't been out at all, and we don't have a lot of things for Harry. We could buy him some real toys even...'

They both glanced at the transfigured pillow Harry was playing with. Sirius claimed it was a dragon, but Remus claimed it looked more like a half eaten turtle. Harry, however, had grown quite attached to the disfigured animal and even given it a name: 'Roo'. Remus often tried to look at the toy from different angles to see if it really did look like a kangaroo maybe, or if the name was just a random sound.

'Toys would be good,' Sirius said, his face splitting into the first care free grin Remus had seen in a

long time.

The trip to the market was like a breath of fresh air for Sirius. Having been cooped up in the house for an entire week with an overactive child had been both nerve wracking and constrictive. He'd been a prisoner practically; unable to do much within the house and never knowing if Remus was as safe as Dumbledore had claimed he would be or if he was being attacked by loose Death Eaters. He was sure that if Remus hadn't come today with news of mass Death Eater capture, Sirius would have lost his sanity at some point and drowned all the soda in the fridge (since Remus didn't keep alcohol for obvious reasons).

Still, it didn't seem like Remus was as relaxed as Sirius was after the news. He'd been all right during their long, indulgent walk to the supermarket up until aisle four after which he started acting oddly. Both his hands were tucked inside his trouser pockets, which would seem perfectly normal to most, but Sirius could plainly see the outline of Remus's closed fist clutching his wand tightly. Remus's shoulders were tense, his back rigid, his eyes hard and focused, and his ears pricked – much like the wolf when rearing for a fight.

Sirius frowned, adjusting Harry on his shoulders as the child threatened to topple over from his own excited bouncing. 'Moony...'

Remus's jaw tightened and Sirius nearly leapt fifty feet in the air when he felt Remus's hand rest on the small of his back protectively. 'There's someone following us,' he whispered quietly to a still trembling Sirius.

It wasn't as if the touch was foreign to Sirius; Merlin knew he yearned and dreamed about it every day. But it was disconcerting, mostly because Sirius knew that Remus's touch was not out of affection or protection for Sirius, but for Harry.

'Who is it?' Sirius asked, leaning closer to Remus.

'Some old hag,' Remus replied, his hand moving to Sirius's waist and keeping a tight grip there. 'Her enormous hat's covering her face, but I know it's her. She's been tailing us since we got here.'

Sirius tried to look through the corner of his eyes and sure enough, he could see an old, hunched woman behind them. She did have an enormous hat just like Remus had mentioned, and it was rather ugly too. It was pink with a green bow and matching feathers perched on top of it. She was leaning quite heavily on her shopping cart, as if trying to listen in to their conversation while trying to be nonchalant about buying diapers.

'Do you think it's a disguise?' Sirius asked, looking at the woman suspiciously and tightening his hold on Harry. The little boy simply squealed and proceeded to balance his dragon/turtle/roo on top of Sirius's head.

'I can't believe people nowadays. Look at them flaunting themselves. You'd think they'd have some shame.'

'With a child, too. It's simply unbelievable. I can't believe they allow such things!'

Sirius glared at the two vocal middle aged women conversing beside them. 'Chudley Cannons, Harry,' he chided maliciously and immediately burst out laughing with Remus, as the two women looked gobsmacked and dropped their things at Harry's joyous cries of 'fuck!'.

'Afternoon, Black, Lupin...'

Sirius had been so busy laughing at the offended women that he didn't even notice the old woman coming up to them. Remus did seem to, however, because his grip on Sirius tightened almost painfully. Sirius brought Harry down from his shoulders and hugged him to his chest, much to the child's displeasure.

'I hope I didn't scare you two.'

Remus's hand relaxed and then fell. 'Mrs. Figg. What are you doing here?'

Mrs. Figg smiled crookedly and Sirius noticed that her prosthetic teeth seemed to be unhinging from her gums. She also smelled an awful lot like cats and mold, which Sirius took an instant disliking to. Sirius had heard about Mrs. Figg of course. She was a squib and a part of the Order, but he'd never had the privilege of meeting her up until now. Sirius was glad they'd never met before though because he was having the strangest urge to chase her up a tree or rip her dress. It was that damn cat smell.

'I came to see the little one, actually,' Mrs. Figg replied kindly and peered down at Harry, who promptly hid his face in Sirius's shirt. 'You must have heard from Dumbledore of course. Of Harry's new guardians...'

'We have,' Remus replied with a stiff nod, and Sirius felt something cold settle at the pit of his stomach. In his celebration of finally getting out of the house, he had momentarily forgotten that there was only a week left till Harry's departure from their lives.

'Albus has asked me to move to the house nearby...as a neighbour. I'm to look after Harry if something's to go wrong, or if the Dursley woman's blood magic fails,' she continued proudly. 'I thought I might stop by and meet this little lad...see how he is.' She smiled. 'He looks just like his father...but with his mother's eyes.'

Remus's jaw stiffened. 'I see. Dumbledore failed to mention this.'

'Oh no,' Mrs. Figg replied, completely oblivious to the anger in Remus's voice or the rising heat reddening his face unattractively. 'He informed me only recently of this. I expect he's busy now. He mentioned having certain matters to resolve. I believe he's not in Hogwarts, since the post I sent came right back. It's quite difficult when the owls don't listen to you.'

Sirius didn't really understand why Remus was angry. They'd known about giving away Harry to the Dursleys. They'd known about the blood protection that ran within the Evans blood. So Mrs. Figg was stationed as a protector. Wasn't that supposed to be a good thing? She wasn't magic, but at least she had a good knowledge of the Wizard World. After all, Dumbledore had mentioned that he wanted Harry to grow up away from magic.

'I'm sorry, Mrs. Figg,' Sirius interrupted before the conversation got vicious. Remus didn't get angry often but when he did, things often went out of control. 'We really need to leave. We have a lot of things to do, you understand.' Before Mrs. Figg could reply, Sirius pulled Remus away to the deli section, far away from the old woman. 'Moony, what's the matter?'

Remus shook his head, looking more sad than angry now. 'Nothing. Can I hold Harry for a while?'

Sirius let Remus lay, not wanting to upset him further or ruin Harry's day out. But by evening, Remus's mood still hadn't lifted and it was starting to worry Sirius slightly. Remus didn't show any outward signs of anger of course, not in front of Harry, or people in general really. He smiled

during their trip to the toy store and happily took turns to hold Harry down the slider in the park. However, Sirius had known Remus long enough to read between the lines, had observed and cherished him enough to be able to tell what he was thinking or how he was feeling.

Sirius sighed heavily, looking across the street at the small kindergarten. It had been bustling with children when they'd first come to the park, all of them scurrying to go back home and fighting over who got the back seat of the bus. Now, the only person left over was the janitor sweeping up the front steps of the school.

It was late. Even the park was empty, save for a young couple a few benches away. All the families had left, their children half asleep. Sirius wondered if they looked like a family to anybody – him, Remus, and Harry – crouched here in the sandbox and making castles and oddly shaped mountains.

'I don't like Mrs. Figg,' Sirius said conversationally, 'she smells like cats.'

Remus's mouth twitched into a bitter smile. 'I don't like her either. She gets to have Harry when we can't.'

'I guess,' Sirius said quietly, gathering up more sand into the pile Harry was currently playing with.

'There's a reason James and Lily made you Godfather,' Remus continued, his voice soft but intense. 'They believed you could protect Harry best, not Dumbledore and not the Dursleys.'

'Remus,' Sirius whispered, placing a hand upon his friend's and stilling the little stick figures Remus was drawing into the sand. 'It's best for him, even I've realised that by now. It's not like you to be so irrational or angry. What's wrong?'

'Nothing,' Remus replied, looking away. 'It's stupid. Forget it.'

Sirius's grip on Remus tightened. 'Moony, I know we aren't...that I'm...but I still care for you and I'd still want to listen to you. Even if it is stupid...it's usually my area of expertise after all.'

Remus chuckled slightly. I just...I know it would protect him. I know that, and it's okay if Harry has to live with the Dursleys instead of us. But...' Remus hesitated, 'but I don't want to have to never see him again. It's like...it's like losing James and Lily all over again...Harry's all we have of them and if we just let him go...'

Sirius stilled. It was as if Remus had somehow read Sirius's mind and all his inner turmoil and laid it in disjointed words. 'He looks like James...' Sirius said finally, stroking Harry's cheek affectionately with one hand.

There was dirt all over the boy's clothes and face, but Harry seemed completely unperturbed as he patted his patch of sand, making it fly all over the place. His chubby cheeks were flushed pink from the cold, and there was snot running steadily down nose which Remus took the pains to wipe away every time. In Godric's Hollow, the streets would be covered in snow by now, but here, the cold didn't seem to have settled completely. At least, nothing had frozen yet, and the cold wasn't as biting or sharp as Sirius was used to living in London. Still, it seemed to have taken a bit of a toll of little Harry whose sniffles, five solid layers of clothing, and enormous mittens were yet to deter him from playing in the sand.

Sirius supposed they wouldn't make the best of parents, not like James and Lily or Alice and Frank. They had after all, let Harry play with dirt (maybe even eat it while they weren't paying attention), they'd made him play with disfigured toys, let him indulge in sugary soda more than once, even had him streak outside the house in all his naked, childish glory.

Still, as he dusted Harry off and hoisted the child back on his shoulders, Sirius figured the three of them would make quite a dynamic trio.

Remus woke up in the middle of the night when he found that he was having trouble shifting to his right because there was something quite heavy nestled against his chest, over his right arm. Harry? Now, it wasn't that odd for Remus to wake up with Harry sleeping soundly beside him. Since Harry's own crib had been blown apart on that fateful night and Remus didn't usually keep any spare cribs of his own, it was inevitable that the child would end up sleeping with either Remus or Sirius, depending on whose turn it was for late night diaper changes and bottle feeding.

However, Remus was distinctly sure that Harry had gone to sleep in Sirius's bed tonight. Groaning softly, he opened his eyes to see that the bed lamp had been lit and moved to the corner of the room. Of course, little Harry was terrified of the dark, but Remus could also see a short message glowing in blue underneath it. The print was a bit small to read properly, and it took a lot of squinting and eye-rubbing for Remus to figure out that the message read:

Remus,

Gone to visit James. Take care of Harry for me. Thanks.

Sirius

'What's your godfather up to, Harry?' Remus whispered, brushing away Harry's jet black hair away from his face. 'He seemed upset today, didn't he? Didn't even eat his dinner right...must be because you're leaving in four days, yeah?'

Remus sighed, contemplating how far away from sanity he'd drifted that he was resorting himself to talking to a sleeping infant in the middle of the night. Knowing that trying to go back to sleep was useless now, he gently dislodged Harry's grip on him and set the sleeping child at a better angle on the pillow. He walked to the cupboard and took out two more pillows to place on each side of the child to keep him from falling over.

'You just do that screaming thing you do if you need Moony, okay, love,' Remus said softly, kissing Harry on the forehead and adjusting his blankets. 'I'll just bore myself with some late night telly until Padfoot comes home and explains his little late night excursion.'

Harry sniffled his approval and Remus reached to wipe the little one's nose with his sleeve. He then looked at his pyjama sleeve and wondered exactly why he would do such a thing when he could have easily summoned a tissue.

'I need a drink,' Remus muttered to himself and then disdainfully realised that they didn't have any in the house because of Harry. 'Soda it is then...nothing like orange fizz up your nose to liven up your night, eh?'

Remus took Harry's small whine as wholehearted agreement and padded down the stairs, grateful for the socks in his feet because the house seemed to be freezing despite the heater working well overtime. On the way, he made to stop in the living room where he had previously dumped his coat, and fumbled inside for his cigarettes and lighter.

'Merlin, that feels good,' Remus exhaled, as the smoke filled up his lungs and relaxed him further.

He hadn't smoked in a while; it was somewhat frowned upon at work and the rest of the day he often spent with Harry. Not that Remus minded as much; for Sirius and Harry, Remus would gladly give up the luxury of a smoke, no matter how painful or impossible the prospect sounded. Sometimes though, Remus would feel his whole body literally trembling from nicotine withdrawal; but then Remus had caught Sirius indulging in a couple of drags himself and it was common knowledge that Sirius didn't smoke unless aggravated or sharing a joint with friends. So perhaps Remus's need for a fag could be explained away by the stressful times...

Remus pushed open the door to the kitchen and felt his smoke fall out of his mouth in surprise. 'Sirius?'

At first, Remus was sure that Sirius had somehow fallen asleep on the kitchen table. He had his head within folded arms, slumped on top of the kitchen table and chair threatening to slip out from underneath him. Remus was about to wake him up when Sirius spoke miserably:

'It's all my fault, Remus.'

Remus frowned, wondering if Sirius was drunk. But no, there was no tell tale smell of alcohol or even the slur that Sirius often had when inebriated.

'All of this...James and Lily...Harry...Peter...you...it's all my fault. It's my fault they're like this,' Sirius whispered into the hollow of his elbow. 'I should have been there quicker...I should have known about the Fidelius...I'm an auror...I should have known. I should have let you be the Secret Keeper. You would have come sooner...'

Remus laid a gentle hand on Sirius's shoulder. 'It wouldn't have made a difference, Sirius. Even if James had chosen me instead, it wouldn't change what happened. There was nothing I could have done differently.'

'I lost my family...' Sirius replied solemnly, shaking his head. 'I lost you...because of my own stupidity. I should have...damn it!' He hit a frustrated fist against the table and looked up at Remus with stormy grey eyes, tinged red from anger and lack of sleep. 'Hit me.'

Remus blinked in confusion. 'What?'

Sirius stood up so that they were nearly eye to eye. 'Come on, what are you waiting for? Just hit me. I ruined everything. You should be furious with me. You should want this. It's my fault James and Lily are dead. So hit me.'

'That's not how I see it,' Remus replied with a frown as Sirius inched closer, too close to his personal space.

'How can you be so calm? How can you stand to look at me after what I did?' Sirius pushed Remus roughly at the chest, catching him off guard and making him stumble backwards. 'I ruined your life. I left you when you needed me the most.' Another push; this time, harder. 'I used you like some kind of street animal, so hit me, damn it!'

'Sirius, stop it!' Remus scolded, his fists clenching and anger rising as Sirius moved closer and closer.

'I made you cry,' Sirius continued with vigour, pushing even harder. 'I made you beg for forgiveness every time you saw me. Made you believe that everything that happened was your fault, that you were incapable of giving love when it was me the whole time. Just fucking hit me! Punch me, hex me, anything!' Sirius pushed until he had Remus pinned against the counter. 'I hurt

you, toyed with your feelings every time you came to me. I hurt you on purpose because I wanted to see you break.' He leaned closed to Remus's face until they were nose to nose, as he breathed spitefully, 'I didn't love you enough. All I did was fuck you.'

Remus's arm swung on its own accord, hitting Sirius square in the eye. It was completely unintended; he hadn't even been that angry or provoked by Sirius's insistent pushing or self depreciating words. He honestly hadn't, which is why it took some time to register exactly what he'd done as he stared at Sirius, sprawled on the ground below him with his head in his hands, covering what was probably the beginnings of a large bruise underneath his left eye.

Numbly, Remus walked to the fridge and fished out the last can of muggle soda.

'I'm sorry,' he heard Sirius's muffled whisper from behind him as he closed the fridge. 'I did a lot of things to you and I never apologised even once. Not in those words. Please, I'm sorry.'

Remus sighed and pressed the cold can against Sirius's eye to soothe the bruise. 'Why do you carry those scars around, Sirius? It's bothered me for a while...the ones on your wrist.'

Sirius looked down at his wrists, at the clean white lines across his veins, as if having forgotten about them completely and trying to refresh his memory. Finally, after having stared at them for quite a while, he shrugged. 'They remind me...that if I ever hurt you again...it'll be at the cost of my life...'

Silence fell over them, deep and foreboding; their heavy breathing the only sound in the room. The statement: it was something the old Sirius would say. The Sirius who had always made loud but sincere declarations; the Sirius who loved Remus so madly and passionately that sometimes it caught Remus off guard. It made Remus think that perhaps it wasn't them who had changed after all, like everyone had claimed, but the circumstances.

'I understand why you did it,' Remus said softly, sitting down in front of Sirius, who was still staring determinedly at the ground through one eye. 'I understand, but...was it really that difficult to trust me?' He inhaled shakily, placing a hand on Sirius's knee. 'Where did I go wrong? What did I do to make you think that I-'

'You never did anything wrong, Moony,' Sirius interrupted wretchedly, 'Never. You were so damn perfect, and I loved you so fucking much. But I gave up on you. It was me. Fuck.' Sirius ran a hand through his hair, tugging slightly. 'The first time...the first time...I didn't want to believe him. I didn't believe him; nearly hit him for suggesting something against you. But he kept pushing, kept bringing all these reports and articles and supposed witnesses of your betrayal. It never hit me that maybe Wormtail was lying. Fuck, he worshipped us in school for Merlin's sake...'

Remus pried the cold can away from Sirius's eyes gently, noting that the swelling had gone down considerably. His wand was still in his coat pocket in the living room, so he placed his palm to the bruise and closed his eyes, concentrating his magic towards it. The healing wasn't perfect, but it was less noticeable now.

'I was scared, Remus,' Sirius continued quietly, taking Remus's hand before it moved away and clasping it within his own. 'I was so scared when it finally hit me that what Peter said might be true. You meant everything to me, and it terrified me because I knew that if there was ever a battle, I would sell my soul to protect you. I-' Sirius's voice broke as his grip on Remus's hand tightened, as if he was afraid of Remus walking away any moment.

'Sirius...'

Sirius looked up at Remus, his grey eyes glimmering with desperation and a need for Remus to understand, to forgive. 'There's no excuse for what I did, for the way I treated you. I was angry and bitter, I wanted you to hurt the way I was hurting. Fuck, I wanted to prove that I didn't need you, that I could hurt you if I wanted to. That if it ever came down to it, I was capable of destroying you. I was so bloody stupid and I know it's not a good enough reason. I know that it's unforgiveable, but...' Sirius's hand loosened its grip, letting Remus free to move away if he wanted. '...but you're all I have, Moony...'

Remus smiled bitterly. 'You know...for the longest time, I wanted to hear you say that...you were never really great with words...'

'Four days, Remus...' Sirius whispered, his fists clenching as he looked down at the floor resolutely. 'Four days and then all this is over. I'll lose Harry, but I don't want us going back to being strangers...not when I can stop it. Not without a fight. I'm not asking you to forgive and forget, or climb back into my arms...but I want us to be friends again.'

Sirius didn't meet his eyes, but Remus could already tell that he was miserable. That right now, it was costing him every ounce of strength and bravery to be sitting here and laying himself bare to Remus. He was vulnerable, Remus realised. One word and Remus could break him. Just one word and Remus could get back at Sirius for every time he'd pushed Remus away, for every cruel word that had been said in between, for the way he'd discarded Remus's love like it mean nothing. Remus could have Sirius hurting the same way he had this whole time.

And then he realised that Sirius was already hurting...

'Marauders forever, eh, Padfoot?' Remus said, offering a weak smile and a shaky hand when Sirius's head whipped around in surprise.

Remus found out on a Wednesday evening that bathing a one year old could result in unimaginable catastrophes much akin to a bathroom tsunami.

'No, Harry, no!' Remus cried out as Harry splashed all the water out of the bathtub.

It wouldn't have mattered if it was just his tiny baby hands playing around with water, but considering that Harry was somehow channeling his still uncontrolled magic to create enormous waves was somewhat of an inconvenience. As Remus got swept away once again to the end of the bathroom, an ungraceful slide across the tiles, he wondered how Sirius managed to do this everyday for two weeks or even how James and Lily had managed this for an entire year. More so, he wondered exactly why he'd volunteered to do this in place of a long, relaxing nap.

Remus picked himself up, squeezed water out of his t-shirt, and raised Harry's rubber squid threateningly. 'I could turn you into a seal right now, little chap. Don't mess with Moony.' The arms of the squid flapped around with every word of Remus's warning, making him look quite insane.

'Moo!' Harry cried happily, quite oblivious to the dangers of a rubber squid. 'Moo!'

'Need help?'

Remus glared at Sirius, who was peeking quite smugly through the door. He eyed Remus up and down, taking in his dripping wet hair and soggy clothes than clung to his body uncomfortably. The bathroom floor was a mess by itself – pooling water, floating clothes that were meant to be dry, and a litter of toys that Remus and Sirius had bought for Harry a few days ago in a sudden surge of

affection. Remus was beginning to think that sudden surge was turning out to be quite a big mistake.

'You didn't tell me Harry is inspired by the tub to do magic!' Remus accused, pointing a finger at a laughing Sirius.

Sirius wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. 'I might have forgotten to mention that,' he replied cheekily. 'The key, my friend, is to find out what soothes the savage beast...'

'Pads!' Harry cheered, sending another tsunami wave their way. Sirius dodged it easily by closing the bathroom door, but poor Remus ended up quite literally pinned to the wall, holding on the towel rack for dear life.

Sirius opened the door, grinning widely and holding up Remus's muggle radio. 'Harry likes music,' he explained to Remus as if he were speaking to a child. 'Watch...' To prove his hypothesis, Sirius turned on the wireless, switching to a familiar FM. He charmed the floors clean and dry before entering the bathroom and leaving the radio on top of the toilet.

Remus hated to admit it, but Sirius was right. The minute Sirius turned up the volume, Harry quieted down, staring at the wireless with large, awe-filled, green eyes. It was as if he'd just seen angels and fairies come down from the heavens, with his little mouth forming a pouty 'o' and his chubby fingers gripping the edge of the bathtub to support himself as he leaned further towards the music.

'He doesn't understand where the sound comes from,' Sirius explained with a very knowledgeable and cocky smirk. 'Works every time. No more splashing, no more waterfalls, and no more soggy clothes.' He charmed Remus's robes dry for him. 'Good fun, isn't it?'

'Shut up,' Remus grumbled, grabbing the soap and sponge and heading towards a star struck Harry with new found determination.

Sirius seemed undeterred by Remus's hostility, turning the volume up higher. 'Love this song. Do you remember it, Moony?' He grabbed the toothpaste from the cabinet and started singing along with the radio, 'More looonliness than any man could beeaar. ' Sirius nudged Remus, winking and shoving the toothpaste-mike under his nose to get Remus to participate. 'Rescue me before I fall into despaaiir!'

Remus grinned, raising an eyebrow. 'I'll send an sos to the world.' 'I'll send an sos to the world.'

'I hope that someone gets my. I hope that someone gets my...message in a booottlle.' They both chorused together into the toothpaste tube, only to be interrupted by Harry's laughter.

'Do you think he's making fun of us, Padfoot?' Remus asked, glancing at Harry who had broken out of his stupor and was dancing/bouncing to the tune and singing his own garbled version of the song.

Sirius shrugged. 'He probably thinks his uncles have gone nutters,' he replied with a smile wider than Remus remembered seeing him in a long time. Feeling in the moment, he pulled one of the towels of the rack and tied it around himself like a toga, before breaking into an uncoordinated dance. 'Walked out this moorning and I don't believe what I saaaww!'

'Padfoot, you're embarrassing our entire generation in front of Harry!' Remus groaned, slapping his forehead.

'A hundred million bottles washed up on the shooorree!' Sirius sang on uncaringly, now picking up Harry and starting a barefoot waltz out the bathroom. 'Seems I'm not alone, in beeeinng alone! A hundred million castaways all looking for a hoomme!'

Harry was giggling madly now and Remus, trying to hold his own laughter against Sirius's antics, followed them into the bedroom with the radio. Reluctantly, after Sirius pushed him for the third time, Remus sang along to the chorus while they both dressed Harry in clean clothes.

'When's the last time we sang together like this, Moony?' Sirius asked pulling Harry's leg through his trousers. 'Do you remember? We used to do this all the times, especially during breakfast.'

Remus smiled, combing Harry's hair back neatly. 'Forgot how much fun it was, to be honest. Harry seems to think it's hilarious. We should do this more often.' Remus realised that his little wish was impossible since they were giving Harry up on Sunday. Still, it didn't hurt to say it and just for a moment, be happy at the prospect of it.

Sirius smiled and they both held each of Harry's hands, swinging him thrice before setting him down on the ground. 'Stay in the room, Harry,' Remus advised, 'I don't want you falling down the stairs.'

'Cute little fellah, isn't he?' Sirius said with an affectionate smile. 'Do you know, Moony, what song we stumbled upon yesterday during bath time? I almost didn't recognise it at first, but I remembered the words clearly.' At Remus's frown, Sirius summoned one of Remus's LP's from the shelf and set it to play. 'You always had a thing for Freddie Mercury, didn't you? Kept the entire collection.'

'You say you love me, and I hardly know your name...'

'We danced to it, do you remember? After James and Lily's wedding, we'd gone to Queens the first time.'

Remus did remember it, but pretended that the sharp jolt in his heart was a part of his imagination, that the memory of Sirius holding him close didn't make his heartbeat quicken.

'And if I say I love you in the candlelight. There's no one but myself to blame...'

'I meant what I said then, Remus,' Sirius whispered, taking Remus's hands in his. 'I meant every word. I might have made mistakes in between, but it never changed my feelings or my promise towards you.'

'The way you love me, Is the sweetest love around'

'Sirius, don't,' Remus said quietly, unable to look up or take his hand away from Sirius's. 'Don't do this. Not again.'

'But after all this time. The more I'm trying, the more I seem to let you down...'

'I love you, Moony, always have,' Sirius said softly, leaning forward to place a chaste, tender kiss on Remus's cheek. 'I know I don't have the right to ask this of you, and I won't push myself on you, not anymore, especially not after you've forgiven me for so much. But-'

Remus closed his eyes, feeling overwhelmed as all the emotions he'd kept bottled up for so long started to rise again.

'Too late - save our love you can't turn out the lights. So late - I've been wrong but I'll learn to be

right...'

'I just want you to think about it. I'll understand if you say no because I don't deserve you and I'd be alright with just being your friend. I just...I want to be with you, Remus, because...' Sirius hesitated, biting his lip and tightening his hold on Remus's hand. 'Because in the end, after everything has passed, the only one I ever need is you.'

Remus placed a picture of his mother and father in between the ones of Peter and the Potters. He looked over at Sirius, who was fiddling with a green vial in his hand – it was the kind that often held Remus's Murtlap Essence for post transformations. One for every person they'd lost, Remus had told Sirius, since that was the tradition back in Remus's grandmother's place, when she was still alive.

Remus had kept a single piece from his father's wand and his mother's favourite scarf, the one that still had that lingering scent of sweet perfume.

For James and Lily, they'd placed their wedding picture because that was the happiest Sirius remembered seeing them. Hidden behind the picture, within the depths of the frame were several letters exchanged during and after their school days – plots for pranks and reprimands from Lily.

Peter was still alive, but it was better to not be so, which was why he had a place on the mantle as well, an Agrippa chocolate card taped to the side of his frame. It was the first kind of Chocolate Frog card Peter had gotten from James.

'I never kept any pictures of Regulus,' Sirius said quietly, rolling the vial between his fingers and watching the small red liquid within it swirl. 'I was so hell bent on forgetting about my family and what they were that I never kept a single memory of them. Not one...all that's left of them are newspaper clippings and pictures where Regulus is forced to put up a good face...'

'He was like you in the end...' Remus assured, putting a hand on Sirius's shoulder and squeezing. 'He did the right thing and that's all that matters...'

Sirius snorted disdainfully. 'He was such an idiot, always soft hearted and even softer in the head. Got himself killed like the twat he was.' He looked at the vial in his palm one last time and then placed it beside James's and Lily's memoirs. 'The blood we shared as brothers.'

Remus nodded understandingly and together, they held up their wand and lit the candles on either side. When Sirius turned around to look at Remus, he'd already begun to pray, with his head bowed and hands clasped together as if he were at the church altar. Sirius, not much of Christian himself, simply closed his eyes and thought of James and Lily, back when they were alive and happy. Long before the prophecy, or the suspicions, or the war...

Prongs, you left me you bastard. You left me and you're probably laughing at us right now, aren't you? Seeing us struggle with diapers and baby food. He's finally asleep now after all that running around. Honest to Merlin, I wouldn't have minded the teasing just a bit, but Dumbledore says its for Harry's safety and that's what you wanted, isn't it?

Sirius smiled, almost able to see James's reaction in his mind – the jeering and the laughing – the mischievous twinkle in his best friend's eyes.

Remus and I, we're friends now, which is alright I guess. He forgave me, he always does, just like you said, Lily. All this is his idea actually and I didn't think it would work at first, but it isn't half

bad. I'll try not to fuck things up this time. I gather you wouldn't take kindly to it anyway. Prongs, you'd probably beat my arse and Lily would coax you into it. I really do love him, you know.

There was a hand on his shoulder and Sirius opened his eyes to see Remus smiling at him, eyes reflecting the light and warmth of the burnings candles. The expression on Remus's face told Sirius that he'd probably been sitting here for a long time with his eyes closed, probably longer than Remus himself.

'Padfoot, I'll be going out of town for a while...' Remus said, his eyes hardening with determination. '...in search of Dumbledore.'

Sirius frowned. 'I don't understand.'

Remus sighed heavily, running a hand through his short brown hair. 'I've been thinking a lot lately, and I just...I think there might be another way to take care of Harry. I don't want to get your hopes up, but if this works...if there's any chance of Dumbledore conceding...then I need to know it now.'

'We don't know where he is,' Sirius argued, wondering if Remus was suffering from temporary insanity. If perhaps the fumes from the candles were clouding his brain just a little bit.

'I talked to McGonagall. She didn't say much, but just enough for me to narrow down some possibilities.' Remus bit his lip with hesitation. 'If I go now, I can catch up to Dumbledore. By Sunday, the shields he set for us wear of and Hagrid will come to pick Harry up. And I'm not sure I'm ready to give him up as of yet, or wait till Dumbledore comes just to talk to him. I've seen the Dursleys, Sirius, I've seen them.'

'You were spying?' Sirius asked disbelievingly. Then again, Remus had always been the quieter and sneakier of the Marauders. Oddly enough, it sounded like something Sirius was more likely to do that Remus, but then again, Sirius had been confined to the house up until now.

'They're horrid, Padfoot. Any mention of magic and they go crazy. They don't even believe in imaginations. They're insane.'

Sirius looked up the stairs to the room where they'd currently put Harry to sleep in. 'You'll come back, won't you? Remus?' Sirius inhaled sharply and looked at Remus uncertainly. 'You'll come back, right? You're not going to leave me here, alone or get yourself into trouble, yeah?'

'Sirius...'

'Moony,' Sirius cried out in a panicked tone, suddenly terrified of the looks of sympathy and guilt Remus was giving him. 'Moony, you can't abandon me like this. You can't! You said we were friends, you said we were okay! Remus-mph!'

Sirius's anxious ramblings were cut short by a pair of lips pressed tightly against his own. It was at the point, Sirius was sure he was dreaming and that either his eyes or his brain would pop out of his skull any given moment.

'This is my promise to you,' Remus whispered pulling away so quickly that Sirius was sure he'd imagined the whole thing. Remus's hands were still cupping his cheeks though, and Sirius could feel the warmth of them against his skin.

Sirius's breathing was still coming out in shallow gasps. Hadn't Remus turned him away just yesterday? Hadn't he been unable to so much as look at Sirius or even speak to him properly when Sirius had begged Remus to just consider what they'd had, what they'd lost? What had inspired the

sudden change? What had changed Remus's mind overnight?

Sirius looked at the picture of James and Lily questioningly and touched his fingers to his lips.

They were wet. Real. 'But-'

'You love me, don't you?' Remus gave no room for Sirius to protest, and so Sirius simply nodded numbly, his mind still in an uncomprehending daze and wondering why the picture of James was winking at him suggestively. 'Then trust me, Padfoot.'

chapter 34

November, 1981

'So anyway, I told Remus he's gone crazy and that's impossible. And it felt like a bit of a role reversal, because back in school, it was always Remus who said that, and James and I would go off doing those ridiculous pranks anyway. Mind you, they were very good pranks and-'

Sirius looked curiously as Harry tugged his sleeve and opened his mouth. Sirius rolled his eyes and broke off another crisp for Harry to eat.

'I shouldn't be feeding you stuff like this for lunch, you know,' Sirius commented, watching as his godson chewed enthusiastically. 'Remus would kill me. Not that his cooking's much better, but at least you used to eat what he made. You keep throwing away mine. For a baby, you've got some fine taste. I sh-'

Sirius sighed when Harry tugged his sleeve again, this time with a little exclamation of, 'Co!'

'Have you noticed how you keep saying things only halfway? Pads, Moo, T, Co – is this some kind of new generation shortcut thing, eh?'

Harry looked at him with an expression that clearly told Sirius that he thought his godfather was insane. The child looked at the telly where the soda advertisement was playing and then looked pointedly at Sirius, almost as if he was teaching Sirius to fetch the can from the fridge. 'Co,' Harry said slowly, enunciating every word so that Sirius understood.

'No,' Sirius replied firmly, changing the channel. 'You've got your milk. It's with a straw and everything, just like a big boy's.'

Harry looked at the milk packet Sirius had picked up from the grocery the other day. 'One Hundred Percent Nutritious Cow's Milk', it read, but of course, Harry didn't know that. He didn't know the calcium and vitamin value of 'One Hundred Percent Nutritious Cow's Milk', or that it cost Sirius a good deal more than the not so 'One Hundred Percent Nutritious Cow's Milk'. All Harry understood was that the little milk packet was definitely not the soda he wanted, and immediately decided scrunching up his face in preparation for one of his tantrums would be a good way to get what he wanted.

'No, Harry,' Sirius scolded in a low tone that Remus often used when talking to Sirius, 'No. Drink your milk, it'll help you grow.' Sirius frowned when his 'scolding tone' only got Harry's eyes to water. 'No,' he said firmly, looking away from those heartbreaking green eyes. 'Look, Padfoot's drinking his milk, too.'

Vaguely, Sirius wondered how ridiculous it looked for a grown man to be drinking children's milk from a sippy-straw. At least it made him a good role model for Harry, who stared contemplatively at Sirius for a while before conceding and reaching out a chubby hand for his own milk. He didn't like the taste, Sirius could tell, but as long as his godfather kept drinking, Harry dutifully kept copying.

'You know, this channel is terrible,' Sirius muttered through the edge of his straw. The packet was already empty, but he needed to keep it in until Harry finished his. 'I don't know why Moony insists on you watching these nuts. They're not even human! That's one's green, for Merlin's sake!'

'Fi,' Harry replied irrelevantly, holding up all his five fingers like the green-girl-monster-thing on the telly. 'Fi.'

'It's the red hair, isn't it?' Sirius asked, wiping Harry's mouth clean with his shirt sleeve. 'Potters have this thing for red-heads, you know. Your dad did.'

Harry grinned in answer, holding up five fingers again. 'Fi.'

'She's got you on a loop, lad.' Sirius charmed Harry's sticky fingers clean before he got stains on the sofa. 'I don't like her. Bit of a tramp, if you ask me. Look at that outfit she's wearing. Girls like that are trouble, mate. I know I can't speak much from experience, but your godfather knows best.'

Harry, for his part, didn't seem to think the green-girl was a tramp and clapped joyously when she counted (quite suggestively, according to Sirius) up to 'five, five bananas'.

Sirius wrinkled his nose distastefully. 'Now, if you were to get a girl like Moony...' Harry glared at his godfather balefully, so Sirius hastened to correct himself: 'You're quite right. A girl like Moony would be quite manly, and completely thoughtless, may I add. I mean, he absolutely abandoned me here...' Sirius sighed, lying back on the sofa so that Harry was forced to climb on to his chest in order to stay sitting. 'I know, I know, he said he'd be back soon, but I miss him, you know. And he just left like that, with a kiss. What am I supposed to take from that? I mean, that kiss could have meant anything. Harry, old chap, I need Moony advice...'

'Red,' Harry advised, patting Sirius's stomach reassuringly.

'Trust him, I know, of course I do,' Sirius agreed. 'I love him, you know. Like to a degree you'd think was pathetic and really, truly queer. You don't think your Uncle Padfoot's too queer, do you, Harry? You could take me to your mate's house or show me off to your girlfriend, yeah?'

'Ba?'

Sirius sighed, ruffling Harry's hair affectionately. 'You really need to stop with the animal sounds,

lad. It's Black. Like Sirius Black.'

The concept of entire words seemed difficult for Harry to comprehend, so Sirius let the matter drop. It had only been two days since Remus left without much explanation and a vague promise to return, and Sirius was feeling lonelier and more anxious than ever. It was difficult to take care of Harry alone, Sirius realised. There had been a lot of teamwork, a lot of taking turns, and allocation of jobs to make things easier on both of them. But perhaps the hardest part of it all was waiting. Waiting and not understanding exactly what Remus was up to and not being able to help. Knowing that he stood a chance with Remus now; that Remus was probably open to extending their friendship to something more; to take the risk of being with Sirius again - that knowledge was perhaps what drove Sirius crazy the most.

In the midst of the insanity of it all, all of Sirius's repressed feelings regarding Remus would resurface and allow him to dream and fantasize just enough, so that Sirius often found himself having elaborate and entirely ponce-y dreams. He would let himself indulge in the shower, after having tucked Harry to bed, imagining Remus's fingers wrapped around him and fisting him, until he would come with a groan and an empty realisation that his hands were far too broad to be Remus's.

Sirius was suddenly startled out of his lewd thoughts by a loud knock on the door, jumping a good foot in the air and frightening Harry who started crying.

'Didn't mean to scare you like that, love,' Sirius apologised, picking Harry up before picking himself off the sofa. Crumbs of crisps they'd been munching on felt to the floor and Sirius cursed when they dug into his bare feet, as he fumbled under the cushions for his wand.

The knock on the door turned into a bang, and Sirius wondered why the daft bastard outside couldn't just ring the doorbell instead of trying to break the Lupin Cottage's front door. No sooner had he though it that there was a loud crash and much louder cursing.

Sirius had to cover Harry's ears through some of the obscenities, as he rushed to the (now broken) front door. "Hagrid, what are you doing here?'

'Sorry, Sir'us. Guess I don' know me own strength.'

One look at Hagrid and Harry went from frightened sobbing to bawling his eyes out and trying to bury himself inside Sirius's armpit. Sirius supposed Hagrid's size could be slightly daunting – standing eight feet tall and just as wide. The massive, tangled whiskers across his face didn't help matters at all, but he did have a rather warm smile and even warmer beetle black eyes. Oddly enough, he smelled a lot like burnt pumpkin pie.

'Never mind the door,' Sirius said, raising an eyebrow as Hagrid put the door back in place as if he hadn't just shattered the hinges seconds ago. 'Why are you here? You're not supposed to come until tomorrow. I get to keep Harry till Sunday, Dumbledore said.'

'Change of plan, it seems,' Hagrid explained, 'Dumbledore sent me a letter today, says he had an unexpected visit fr'm Lupin and he seemed right persistent, too.'

'Moony? Is he here? Did he come with you?' Sirius asked anxiously, trying to look past Hagrid's enormous form to see if Remus was perhaps hiding behind his ragged fur coat. Even Harry, who had been crying steadily, piqued at the mention of 'Moony' and looked around curiously, as if expecting Remus to jump out any second.

'Moo?'

'He's not here,' Sirius replied, disappointment sinking in. Remus would keep his promise, Sirius knew that, but it didn't stop Sirius from getting slightly morose or wondering if that kiss had really meant anything. 'Why didn't he come back?'

'He set off today. 'Xpect it'd take some time,' Hagrid assured warmly, tickling under Harry's chin with a large finger. 'I got strict instructions from Dumbledore teh take yer two teh yer new home. Yeh can leave yer things and all, we'll send them through later.'

'What?' Sirius's grip on his wand tightened. 'What are you talking about, Hagrid?'

Hagrid frowned. 'Lupin didn't send yeh any letters? 'Bout giving the house away teh Natasha Lupin and shiftin' out teh Surrey?'

'Surrey?' The place seemed to ring a bell with Sirius, but he couldn't quite place why. 'I-I don't think I understand quite, Hagrid. Right now, everything you're saying is sounding right dodgy, to be honest. So, it'd be great if you could identify yourself , right now.'

Hagrid sighed exasperatedly. 'Rubeus Hagrid. I got me a dog: Fang, but secretly always wanted the have a pet dragon. Dumbledore's the greatest man alive, and he says teh me that if Lupin and Black find the need teh take care of young Harry, then they need the shift to Surrey. That's all I know. He gave me a letter teh give teh yer, but only after I take yeh there.'

Sirius's grip on his wand didn't loosen, but he offered his and Harry's hand when Hagrid took out an old can of lentil soup that was obviously a Portkey. There was a pull below his navel and Sirius felt Harry's cries heighten, as the child dug deeper into the comfort of Sirius's t-shirt. Sirius almost felt sorry for his poor godson; it seemed that today was destined to be a traumatic day for Harry: what with a giant showing up on their steps, his first turbulent Portkey ride, and of course, Sirius's refusal to give into Harry's demands of soda.

Once the nausea-inducing spinning had stopped, Sirius was eternally grateful for Hagrid's enormous arms shooting out to support him because he was well about to topple over with Harry into the dumpster nearby.

'Ta, mate,' Sirius said, straightening himself and patting Harry on the back to get him to stop crying. Quite a few people were looking into the alleyway curiously, their eyes first darting to Sirius and the crying child in his arms, and then quickly moving away when following Hagrid's enormous and protective shadow over them.

Hagrid glared at the nearest passerby, before pulling Sirius by the elbow out of the dark alley and into the main street. The first thing that probably struck Sirius was the rows upon rows of identical houses. All of them had the same triangular dark roofs and pasty, almost yellowish outer walls; there were neat gardens out in front with similar and well taken care of rose bushes. One of them, in an effort to perhaps outdo the rest, had even gone to the lengths of installing a rather gaudy blue garden fountain.

It looked like the most mundane sort of suburbia imaginable.

'Tha's the one, over there,' Hagrid said, ironically pointing at the house with the garden fountain. 'Tha's yer new home.'

It was nothing extraordinary and definitely nothing like the Lupin cottage, which had been personally decorated by Mrs. Lupin herself and always had treasures like old rickety swings and climbing vines. The curtains weren't flowery back at the Lupin cottage either, and Sirius nearly blanched when he saw the enormous pink flamingo peeking out of the neatly trimmed bushes.

'Merlin,' Sirius whispered as they walked to the front door and saw the welcome mat in the shape of a rather colourful rainbow.

God had quite a sense of humour, it would seem. Even for a ponce like Sirius, Little Whinging seemed incredibly queer.

'I'm telling you, Albus, I don't know anything about it! I don't understand why you continually persist on the matter.'

Remus's hand faltered from the doorbell.

'Horace, please do not lie to me. I feel this matter might be of grave importance, should you reveal the appropriate details. I cannot discover the truth until then.'

Remus's last guess had been right after all; Dumbledore was at Professor Slughorn's house, quarrelling from the sounds of it. Remus wondered what 'matter' they were discussing about and what could possibly be so difficult to reveal for the old Potion's professor. After all, back in school, Slughorn never turned Dumbledore down, so why now? And why did he sound so jittery and... ashamed? At least that's how Slughorn's tone of voice sounded to Remus.

'It's irrelevant, Albus. You're over assuming as usual. A Horcr-'

'It seems you have a visitor, Horace.'

Remus jolted away from the door just as it opened, and only then did Remus realise that he'd been listening quite intently to the heated conversation between the two Professors with his ears pressed firmly to the door.

'Come in, Remus, my boy.'

Remus blushed scarlet at having being caught and tried not to look at either of the Professors in the eye, should his guilty conscience get the better of him. 'I didn't mean to eavesdrop, sir,' Remus muttered as he eyed Slughorn's rather atrocious chaise lounge before taking a seat.

'It's quite alright, my boy. Do have some tea. You look exhausted.'

'Thank you,' Remus said politely, when Slughorn pushed a cup of warm tea in his hands. The old Potions professor seemed almost relieved by Remus's presence; his small eyes gazing upon Remus thankfully, as he purposefully fished the biscuit tin to lay out all the chocolate covered ones.

'I gather by your appearance that perhaps you've been looking for me?' Dumbledore asked, gazing intently at Remus through his half moon glasses.

Remus nodded, taking a sip of his tea and realising Slughorn had put in way too much sugar in his haste. 'I have, Professor. The letters I've sent you keep coming back because you keep travelling from place to place. The owls couldn't keep to your pace, so I decided to try instead.'

Dumbledore hummed and folded his hands on his lap. 'And this visit is about young Harry, I assume?'

'Yes,' Remus replied, not at all fazed by Dumbledore's foresight. 'Yes, it's regarding the guardianship of Harry. Professor, Sirius is willing to do as you say because he believes that it's the only way to protect Harry, but I don't think limiting ourselves to only one solution is the right way to handle the situation.'

Dumbledore's eyebrows rose in shock and even Slughorn shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

'I apologise, sir, for being so brash. But I do believe that the reason Sirius was chosen as godfather was because James and Lily believed that he could protect Harry, no matter what the circumstances.' Remus sighed, taking another sip of his tea out of habit and grimacing at the overly sweet taste of it. 'I've done a little bit of research, sir, and the people living next door to the Dursleys have a certain penchant for grandeur.' Grandeur was not quite the word, if Remus remembered the pink flamingo, but it was perhaps the kindest way Remus could put it. 'A little push in the right direction, a win in a muggle lottery, and that house would be conveniently vacant.'

'I understand that, Remus, but-'

'Please, sir,' Remus interrupted. 'I understand that we can't offer blood protection like the Dursleys, but it can be arranged. Harry can be left with the Dursleys when Sirius and I go to work in the morning, and if something should happen then it isn't exactly a far distance to walk or even apparate. Mrs. Figg can keep us in touch with the wizard world if needed, as well.'

'It's risky,' Dumbledore protested, though his face clearly said that he was willing to listen to Remus's proposal and even consider it.

'We're both familiar with the muggle world, so we can blend in with ease. Harry won't know anything until he's eleven; till then everything can be kept a secret from him. There's no need to expose him to magic if we agree to give up our wands.'

'And the two of you are comfortable with this?'

Remus hesitated, wondering if Sirius would concede to giving up his wand, a wizard's most primary tool. It would be like giving up your right arm, especially for a pureblood wizard like Sirius, who had been taught to rely solely on his magic and nothing else. 'Yes,' Remus replied firmly, 'yes, I believe so. Sirius can go to extreme lengths to protect Harry, I know that. Even if it involves giving up magic for the rest of his life, Sirius will do it.'

Dumbledore nodded, his brows furrowing in deep thought. 'And what of you, my boy? As he grows, Harry will begin to question your monthly disappearances. It will be difficult to hide from a child's inquisitive mind. How will you heal your wounds without magic or even without being noticed?'

'I-' This was the part Remus had been afraid of. The very reason why he hadn't told Sirius of his reasoning or asked him to come along. Sirius was clever, he would have found the loop hole and then quickly figured out how Remus was going to compromise for it. Sirius would never allow it, if he knew. 'Perhaps my being there isn't quite as necessary,' Remus replied after a long time, gripping at the flowery couch handles a little too tightly. 'My lycanthropy holds me back, but I don't see a reason for Sirius not to be able to take care of Harry on his own. They don't need me there...'

Harry squealed as Sirius sped up, taking a purposeful sharp left turn into the parking lot. They were lucky they hadn't been caught speeding. It wouldn't be worth it anyway, Sirius thought. Paying a fine for something that wasn't even the bike's full potential; driving at high speeds on the roads when Sirius and Harry could be flying at high speeds in the sky, and pretending to plunge to their own deaths before pulling a Wronski Feint.

Sirius sighed dejectedly and parked his bike in front of the supermarket. 'Bit small, innit, lad? Ah, well, man's got to eat.' Sirius noticed a group three teenage boys sniggering at them and scowled, looking down at Harry accusingly. 'You're making a real joke out of my image, Harry, did I ever tell you that?'

Harry blew a deliberate spit bubble and pulled at the buckle strap securing him impatiently. The two of them really did look ridiculous. Well, Sirius did at least. He had his tough black bike, his wicked leather jacket and studded collar strap. He had the perfect rugged chin and gracefully unkept hair.

And then he had a drooling one year old with an overlarge helmet, strapped with Velcro to his chest.

'Can't wait till you actually have legs instead of mushroom stumps,' Sirius muttered grumpily, freeing Harry and setting him on the ground. 'Now, don't go off on your own. You have to hold Padfoot's hand, so those boys can make fun of us a bit more. Bad boy gone to the seed, they probably think. Bloody gits.'

'Pads!' Harry tugged at Sirius's hand insistently, trying with all his might to pull Sirius inside the supermarket. 'Pads!'

'I don't believe that's necessary, Albus,' Slughorn replied before any of them could talk any further. 'Young Lupin can always transform elsewhere. I believe you still have your family cottage? And excuses are not very hard to come up with, no? Mr. Lupin seemed to have quite a wide range of them back in Hogwarts...some which he used not to join the Slug Club.'

For the second time in an hour, Remus felt himself blush crimson. It was always nice to know that Slughorn had considered Remus worthy of being one of his members, especially since he favoured only students who were likely to succeed or had rich and powerful families. Still, the Slug Club hadn't quite been the most happening of groups to be in, especially when you were a Marauder and too busy being dragged into (unwillingly, of course) possible mayhem.

'A lot of wizards seek refuge in the muggle world. I don't see why these two should be any different. Lupin seems to have figured out how to protect Harry while maintaining the blood protection. Surely Albus, you of all people, could arrange something.'

'Oi, that's Lily's horse faced sister, innit?' Sirius asked Harry, backing out slightly to hide behind the shelf and trying to peek at her without looking too much like a stalker. 'Merlin, look at that child she's carrying! It looks like a walrus of some sorts!'

Petunia Dursley was as stick thin as ever, a horrible contrast to the young boy seated in the shopping cart. He looked about Harry's age, perhaps a few months older, but the boy could easily outweigh Sirius himself. Sirius remembered Lily mentioning the child's name once; something awful like Dumbo or Tartley or something.

The child already had a good two chins, wobbling every time he took a bite of the candy bar in his hands, smearing chocolate all over his mouth and making a colossal mess of his hands and clothes. Not that Sirius blamed him. If he was dressed in an orange jumper with pompoms and a matching hat with rabbit ears attached to them, Sirius would probably do a lot worse than stain them with chocolate. Petunia Dursley didn't seem to mind though, cooing over her child and muttering something that Sirius couldn't hear but somehow always elicited one word out of the young Dursley:

'NO!'

'What a brat,' Sirius muttered, looking away. 'I can't believe I have to send you to her for babysitting every morning once I start work. I bet he can't even stand with all that fat hanging off of him. We should give him a push and watch him roll sometime, eh, Harry? Get a good laugh out of it.' Sirius turned to grasp Harry's hand again and found himself reaching for air. 'Harry?'

'MOO!'

'I can't thank you enough, sir. I-If there's anything I can ever do for you...please...' Dumbledore smiled kindly. 'Tell me, my boy, what do you know of a Horcurx?'

Slughorn stiffened in his seat and looked from Remus to Dumbledore nervously. 'Albus...'

'Horcrux?' The word seemed familiar, perhaps something that Remus had heard in passing but never quite learned or found out about. 'I don't know much, Professor, but I'm sure it'll be in the library somewhere...I mean, Madam Pince would always know...'

'I'm afraid the pages have been conveneintly ripped out, and there are very few books that discuss such a thing.' Dumbledore must have noticed Remus's look of confusion and elaborated, 'It's an ancient, forbidden magic. Many have even forgotten about it and there are risks that most people are too afraid to take.'

'I don't think I understand...' Remus replied, frowning and wondering why Slughorn was appearing so uncomfortable all of a sudden and if that's what the previous argument had been about.

'Nor do I,' Dumbledore admitted, helping himself to the chocolate biscuits that had lain forgotten for so long. 'But in time, perhaps we all will. Tell me, Remus, do you really think Voldemort is dead?'

Remus blinked at the sudden change in subject. 'I'd like to, Professor, but if I did, it would only be wishful thinking. Voldemort, he was too powerful to be destroyed this easily.'

'Yes, I agree.' Dumbledore chewed thoughtfully, seemingly lost in his own theories and perceptions.

'Do you believe he'll come back?' Remus asked, breaking Dumbledore from his thoughts.

Dumbledore smiled mysteriously and helped himself to another biscuit. 'Only time will tell, Remus, my boy. But perhaps, the true question is, willyou come back? After seeing the true horrors of war, are you willing to fight for the Order once again at such high costs?'

'I've never turned you down, Professor,' Remus replied, holding his head high. 'My father believed it and so do I; we need to sometimes sacrifice ourselves to protect the people we truly care for.'

Slughorn laughed bitterly. 'He isn't talking of your life, Lupin. One can simply tell by your face that you hold many things in higher regard than your own skin...'

It sounded a bit hypocritical coming from Slughorn, who was known to care for only his own skin and how to keep said skin safe from harm using any means possible. It also served as a bit of a blow in the head to Remus who suddenly understood what 'high costs' Dumbledore had been talking about and for the first time, hesitated. Slughorn was wrong of course; there weren't many things that Remus held at a higher regard than his own life. There weren't many; just two. And they weren't things, but people...

People like James and Lily. Like Peter and his parents.

How much was he willing to lose exactly? Remus didn't seem to have an answer.

'Harry! That isn't Moony! Harry!'

'He's yours, I gather?' The man smiled, looking pointedly at the child clutching his trouser leg and

screaming 'moo!' quite happily on top of his lungs.

'Sorry,' Sirius panted, prying Harry off with difficulty. 'I think he recognised your coat. His Uncle

Moony has one just like that.'

After a lot of struggling, Harry seemed to have realised that the man in front of him wasn't Remus and twisted to look at Sirius with large teary eyes. 'Moo...' he whimpered, sticking out his bottom lip. 'Moo...'

'No, that's not Moony, love,' Sirius explained patiently. 'See? His hair's different...and his eyes are blue...and Moony's a lot taller, isn't he?'

Harry looked ready to cry, so Sirius quickly grabbed a colourful box of crackers off the shelf and shoved it into Harry's hands, thanking all the Gods for making children so easy to amuse and giving them short attention spans.

'Harry, is it? How old is he?' The man asked, ruffling Harry's hair.

'A year and some,' Sirius replied casually. 'He's been driving me crazy all day, so I thought I'd take him out for some fresh air. Didn't think he'd assault anybody...'

The man laughed. 'I've got two teenagers in the house, so I don't really see you fit to complain. He's a cute little fellow, I'll tell you that. Looks like his mum, I'm guessing?'

'He looks like his dad actually.' At the man's puzzled expression, Sirius conceded to open up a little bit. 'I'm his godfather. I take care of him now...'

The man looked down, obviously uncomfortable and confused as to what to say. 'Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed like that.'

Sirius shrugged awkwardly, pretending that the sudden pang he felt in his chest was just his imagination. 'I should be going...er...naptime and all that rubbish. I'll see you around, yeah?' Sirius gave the man a weak smile, before taking Harry's hand once more. 'Come on, love, let's go.'

Harry looked at Sirius, then at the man whose name they still didn't know and Sirius currently felt too uncomfortable to ask. Harry seemed to be almost contemplating something complicated that only his child-like mind could understand. Finally, after a lot of staring, Harry tugged the edge of the man's long coat.

'Moo,' he protested, pulling at the coat again, almost as if he expected the man to take it off. Sirius wondered if Harry actually believed that the man somehow knew where Remus was or had stolen the coat off of Remus. 'Moo.' Harry looked at Sirius, head tilted to the side in a confused, dog-like manner – something he'd definitely picked up from his godfather.

The man laughed again, looking down fondly at Harry. 'This Uncle Moony must be some great chap.'

Remus wished he'd written down the address. The house was harder to find than he'd initially thought; all of them seemed to be alike and identical in every possible way. He'd assumed the

fountain and pink flamingo would remain in the garden, noticeable by anyone with an eye; but it seemed that Sirius had thrown the hideous garden pieces away. In the dark, there was no possible way he could see the name plates clearly, and he wasn't going to risk being accused of burglary by peeping in through the windows at two in the morning.

Remus huffed, blowing out cold air as he pulled his coat tighter against his body. The snow had settled deep here in Little Whinging, and Remus only wished he'd thought of warmer clothing. It seemed that everything was going awry tonight, and if his luck continued at this rate, it was possible he wouldn't find Sirius and Harry any time soon.

Remus felt like he was going in circles with nothing distinguishing one house from another. And then he saw it:

An old rickety swing, frozen and creaking from the cold like the joints of an old man. It was a garden swing, once black but now chipping in several places and looking an age-old metallic. The sort women liked in their jewellery. It was Remus's old swing from the Lupin cottage.

Remus laughed, suddenly feeling very carefree and practically running and sliding through the layers of snow and slippery ice. 'I finally found you, you bastard!' The cold was sharp and biting, striking his cheeks and nose pink as he ran, but there was an unexpected rush of adrenaline now, a tingling feeling in his chest that grew and grew as he got closer. He couldn't explain his excitement or sudden joy at spotting the right house; just that he needed to run there and reach as fast as he could.

Remus skidded to a stop, nearly falling over and grinning like a lunatic, as he raised his fist to knock.

The door opened even before his knuckles touched the wood.

Sirius was standing there in his pyjamas and panting fast, as if he'd been running a marathon and back. His eyes were wide with disbelief as they roamed over Remus's face, almost unable to comprehend Remus being there at the front step of their house this late into the night. One of Sirius's hands were clutching tightly at his heart as he steadied his breathing...

'I haven't showered,' Remus said, breaking the tense silence between them, 'for five days.'

Sirius blinked, once, twice, before moving aside to let Remus in. 'You'll need to give up your wand first...'

'Yeah,' Remus said, wondering why only a week of absence was making things so awkward between their lifelong friendships. 'Yeah, it was part of the agreement with Dumbledore, wasn't it?' He fished out his wand from his pocket and handed it over to Sirius, who nodded.

Remus watched in awe as Sirius unwrapped the band-aid around his thumb and pressed the wound tightly to open it up again. At the first sign of blood, Sirius immediately pressed it against the wall right beside the door. Remus was going to ask what the hell Sirius was doing, when he saw a sliver of light and then literally by magic, a small compartment appeared where the wall had just been.

'It's a blood seal,' Sirius explained, stashing Remus's wand inside with his own one. 'Only you and I can open it in times of emergency. It can work in any part of the house; Dumbledore arranged it to be re-locatable.'

Remus was impressed by the old Professor's vision, to say the least. 'Bathroom's upstairs, to your left.'

The first thing Remus noticed about the house was the mismatched furniture. There were pieces he recognised from both the Lupin household and Sirius's old flat. There were a few new ones as well, or perhaps Remus had just never noticed them until now. Either way, despite being from various places, everything seemed to go perfectly. Then again, Sirius's knack for home décor shouldn't have come as that much of a surprise, since being born to the Black family came with having good taste. Even back when they'd shared an apartment, Sirius had had a good eye; unfortunately, most of that eye had been covered by strewn clothes, food cartons, and other bachelor messes.

The house was a lot bigger than Remus was used to as well. It had a living room, dining room, more kitchen than he or Sirius would ever need, and three massive bedrooms. The one in the middle, Sirius had made into a nursery, Remus noticed as he walked across the hallway. The room looked like it had only recently been painted and sparsely had any furniture at all except a crib and a few boxes lying around. Surprisingly, the crib was empty and Remus found young Harry slumbering peacefully in the next bedroom in what Remus assumed was Sirius's bed.

Old habits die hard, Remus thought, walking into the bathroom and starting to peel off the wet layers of clothes hugging his body.

It felt fantastic to finally be able to take a shower. Remus hadn't been lying when he'd said that he hadn't washed in five days. He'd managed a few cleaning spells and uneven shaving these past few days; nothing to boast about but just enough to keep flowers and animals from dying in his wake.

'I bought some clean towels and clothes. We haven't unpacked everything, so you'll have to wear my pyjamas for a while.'

Through the curtain, Remus could only make out Sirius's silhouette, nervously shifting from foot to foot before taking a seat on the toilet. 'Is it alright?' Remus asked uncertainly, sighing as the hot water washed away the lingering cold. 'I mean, living here as a muggle. Hiding things this way from Harry...'

'It's the best way,' Sirius replied, his voice sounding hoarse from sleep. 'Dumbledore's right. Harry doesn't need to grow up with the burden of beingThe Boy Who Lived. It'll just get to his head and he's a good kid, you know.'

Remus hummed as he poured generous amounts of kiwi-scented baby shampoo into his palm (Sirius didn't seem to have any other kind). 'He still sleeps on your bed...'

Sirius sighed. 'He didn't the first two days, but then he started looking for you and I told him you weren't there. I guess somewhere in his little head he thought I was going to leave, too, so now he keeps bringing himself to my room.' Sirius laughed, a hint of pride seeping through his voice. 'You should have seen him last night, Moony, he levitated himself out of his crib, all the way to my bed...completely asleep! It scared me out of my pants!'

Remus laughed, wincing as he got shampoo suds in his eye. 'He missed me,' he said, almost disbelievingly. Remus had never thought Harry was attached to him as much; Sirius was the godfather after all and he was the one who could turn into a big black dog whenever needed. Remus was the uncle who made bad lunches, and made up horrible stories with Harry's dolls, and gave better piggy back rides on the advantage that he was taller than Sirius.

''Course he missed you, you prat!' Sirius scolded, though without malice. 'I...I missed you,' he added, a little more softly.

'Sirius...'

'You kissed me, Moony. You kissed me before you left and I haven't stopped thinking about it ever since. It has to mean something!'

'It does,' Remus replied, closing his eyes, so that he didn't have to see Sirius's slumped figure. 'It did mean something to me, but Padfoot-'

'Why is there a 'but'?' Sirius shouted, standing up. 'Why does there always have to be a 'but' with you?'

'Because I need to know before I hurt myself again!' Remus yelled back, suddenly having the urge to hit something. 'I need to know if you really mean this, or if you're just trying to hold on to the past! If you just want to be in love and not actually in love!'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Sirius asked, his voice going dangerously low. Even without looking, Remus could tell that Sirius's fists were balled up tightly and he was shaking from controlled rage.

'Look at me, Sirius, just for once, look. I know it hasn't escaped you that I'm a werewolf and this definitely isn't the first time that my lycanthropy has played a part in us drifting apart. No, listen to me,' Remus said sternly when he could hear Sirius beginning to protest. 'I've forgiven you for all of it because I know that you really do care. I know that, Sirius, but what I truly need to know is if you can accept this. If you're really okay with my being a werewolf because I can give up my life for you, Padfoot, but I can't change who I am.'

'I know that, Moony,' Sirius replied, his voice softer now. 'I know that and I don't want you to change.'

'Mean it, Padfoot,' Remus said quietly, bowing his head and letting the water flatten his hair into his eyes. 'You've made promises before and broken them, and I've always forgiven you for it. I always will, no matter what you do, but...but if you...if you leave me again, Padfoot...I-'

'I'm not leaving you!' Sirius cried vehemently, pushing the shower curtains open, to Remus's surprise. Sirius noticed his little outburst none too sooner and quickly looked away from Remus's naked body to the ground, his face alternating between different shades of red. Sirius coughed uneasily. 'I don't know what to say to convince you, Moony, and you know what an idiot I am. I never learn, but you could always er...hit me up the head or something when I do...you know... fuck up.'

There was a period of silence between them when nothing could be heard except the sound of running water and their heavy breathing. Sirius was fidgeting on his feet, his hand still on the curtain as if wondering if it would be appropriate to close it now, while his eyes fought not to look at Remus. It was odd to see Sirius Black so shy...

Remus smiled and reached out a hand to cup Sirius's cheek gently. Sirius shivered but still kept his face resolutely turned away, so Remus pulled him closer by the chin instead, forcing him to look. 'Padfoot...' Remus whispered, before bending down slightly and pressing his lips to Sirius's.

There was a muffled gasp and suddenly, they were both pressing against each other hungrily. Sirius gripping Remus tightly at the waist, shoulders, chest, his hands slipping and sliding against wet skin as he struggled to pull Remus closer. Remus's own hands were frantic in their pace as he pulled at Sirius's shirt, popping a few of the buttons in his haste and pushing down the threadbare trousers to squeeze his arse firmly. As all the intrusive clothing fell away, Remus only had seconds to realise that Sirius had been sleeping in Remus's pyjamas the entire time, before Sirius was climbing into the shower with him and grinding their pelvises together in a desperate dance.

Their kissing was getting frenetic now, sloppy with their teeth clashing against one another and tounges curling and exploring. Even during their short, needy gasps of breath, they kissed – they kissed collarbones, jaws, necks. Their hands wandered over every inch of skin they could find – chest, hips, thighs – until finally Remus's hand drifted down to touch forbidden skin, his fingers probing in ways that made Sirius's back arch and his teeth dig into Remus's shoulder from pleasure.

Remus turned Sirius around, so that they were chest to back, pushing Sirius until he was leaning against the cold tiles and bracing himself with his hands, making lustful sounds of need and want. For a moment, Remus watched mesmerised as hot water pounded over their heads, washing away the almost numbing cold of the tiles they were pressed against. There was warm mist collecting around them, so that the only thing Remus could see was Sirius and the tantalising way streams of water ran down every dip and contour of his back, as the muscles underneath flexed and contracted impatiently.

'Moony,' Sirius groaned, his lips pink from the heat and their aggressive kissing. He was panting heavily, resting his forehead against the wall as he pushed back toward Remus, inviting, encouraging him; shamelessly showing how hard he was and how much he wanted Remus.

'I love you,' Remus said softly, kissing Sirius's shoulder before burying himself to the hilt, deep enough to feel every shudder of pleasure that ran through Sirius's body, every moan and vibration, every wanton arch and plea to move.

One of Sirius's arms reached behind to pull Remus's head into a rough kiss. ''S been too long,' he groaned against Remus's lips, laying soft kisses, his tounge reaching out to taste the water droplet collecting on Remus's upper lip, the dip of his chin, between the creases of his lips. 'It's only you like this...only you...'

Remus kissed him again, the hand not holding Sirius's tightly by the hip inching downwards; caressing Sirius's stomach with light teasing touches before daring to go further, wanting to make it as good for Sirius as it was for him, as tight and hot, and hard, and fast.

Sirius's hand stopped him, entwining their fingers together just above – tantalisingly close, just inches away from Remus's touch. 'I'll come,' Sirius breathed, tightening his hold on Remus's hand as Remus pushed in just there, again and again. 'Kiss me.'

Neither of them lasted long after that, or maybe they'd just lost track of time between each kiss and every delicious thrust. Sirius came first, calling out Remus's name as he clenched around him, pushing Remus over the edge with nothing to hold their buckling knees but the wall. They were still pressed flush against one another and the wall, their heads rested beside each other against the cool, condensing tiles, and heartbeats and sharp breaths drowning out the sounds of running water in the bathroom.

Remus kissed Sirius's shoulder softly before attempting to move away, but Sirius held on to him from the back, keeping Remus deep within him and as close as humanly possible. 'Stay,' he breathed, eyes closed and panting as the water washed away the remains of their deed. 'Just stay with me...'

'Mornin',' Sirius whispered, kissing Remus lightly on the forehead. 'Sleep well?'

Remus groaned and kept his eyes tightly shut, unwilling to wake up so early in the morning despite the seductive smell of tea wafting under his nose. 'Go away,' he muttered, swatting the air in hopes

of hitting Sirius sometime soon. 'Still sleepy...' Remus snuggled deeper into his pillow, one of his arms still trapped underneath two stones worth of baby.

Sirius laughed, pressing his forehead to Remus's, and the idea that all of three of them smelled like kiwi suddenly struck Remus as very odd and silly. Were two grown men allowed to smell like fruit? No, the irony wasn't lost on him either.

'I made breakfast,' Sirius sang, as if Remus couldn't smell the burnt toast. If Remus knew Sirius well enough, he'd probably tried to cover up the burnt bits with insane amounts of jam or marmalade.

'The sun isn't up yet,' Remus protested, though he knew that Sirius had already shooed off what remained of his sleep with his bloody sunshine attitude.

'It's ten in the morning, Moony, the sun's been up for ages. I just didn't open the curtains yet,' Sirius replied, kissing Remus's cheek, his forehead, his eyelids...

'Why not?'

'Bloody Dursley woman,' Sirius mumbled into the sleep warm skin of Remus's neck. 'Like a fucking hawk, peeking out of her window into everybody's business. Wish I could throw something at her face...'

Remus chuckled, using his un-trapped hand to comb Sirius's bed hair with his fingers. 'We'd give her quite a fright, wouldn't we?'

'We would,' Sirius agreed, and from the mischievous tone of his voice, Remus could tell that he was considering it as an option. 'But then all the ladies would be scarred for life. You should see all the free pies and cookies we got, Moony. Poor little, single Sirius Black, sacrificing so much to take care of his godchild. With you in the picture, they'll just eat us up...there'll be swarms on our front door offering their sympathies.'

Remus snorted, well able to tell that Sirius enjoyed the attention more than he was letting on. Well, the attention or the pies. Sirius always did have an affinity towards pie. 'Andy and my aunt volunteered to visit after full moons, didn't they? Probably could pass off as our girlfriends or something...'

'Oh no, Moony, I couldn't even consider a relationship with Harry so young,' said Sirius in a mock worried tone. 'He's my first priority now, and his Uncle Moony would agree.'

'Prat,' Remus scolded, lightly hitting Sirius on the bum.

'I have to admit, Dumbledore did a top notch jobs on our muggle passports and credentials. We even have university degrees from places I've never even heard of.'

'Dumbledore didn't do it...Dung did,' Remus replied, shivering when Sirius bit into his collarbone. 'Did a bloody good counterfeit, too, though it shouldn't come as a surprise. Anything illegal is Dung's specialty. Even changed the records at the universities listed, in case our employers decided to look back for something.'

'Employer,' Sirius laughed lightly. 'I finally get to see the police station without the bars, eh, Moony. Chief of Investigations or some shit like that. And you...' He poked Remus in the ribs playfully. 'Kindergarten teacher? You can't even handle Harry on your own. How are you going to teach other sprogs their letters?'

'Oh shut it,' Remus poked back. 'Don't you see Dumbledore's brilliance in these jobs? You get firsthand information about everything going on outside, any odd sightings that look like Dark Magic and you'll know.'

Sirius looked up in surprise, obviously never having considered the possible reason Dumbledore had assigned them these positions. 'I see, so once Harry's in school, you get to keep an eye on him. In case something happens...'

Remus nodded, tucking Sirius's hair behind his ears. 'There was one other thing he mentioned...I walked in on the conversation actually, but Padfoot...do you know what a Horcrux is?'

Sirius blinked, sitting up so that Remus's hand fell away to the bed. 'Horcrux? No, I don't think so...but it...'

'Sounds familiar, doesn't it?' Remus finished, gently prying away his hand from underneath Harry and sitting up. 'That's what I thought, too, but I can't quite place it. Dumbledore said it might be important to Harry's future, though I didn't really understand what he was saying. He reckons Voldemort might come back at some point...'

Sirius shifted uncomfortably and was almost about to say something, when their tense conversation was interrupted by Harry's happy cries of 'MOO!', as the child launched himself into Remus's lap, bouncing up and down.

'Hello, my love,' Remus laughed, throwing Harry into the air and catching him again with a kiss to his nose. 'Uncle Moony missed you terribly.'

Harry giggled childishly as Remus blew a raspberry into his belly.

'He's got oatmeal for breakfast today,' Sirius said, beaming as he watched the two of them play and fool around. 'Why don't you feed him today? He always ends up spilling most of his food on me, anyway...'

Remus nodded, smiling, but as soon as he reached for the bowl of oatmeal on the tray, Harry howled like a possessed child and pushed Remus's hands away.

At Remus's questioning glance, Sirius grinned sheepishly. 'He hates my cooking, but it's good for him! That green bird on the telly said it's full of fibres and you put some sugar into it, and it's perfectly edible. Look, just eat a bit of it, and he'll follow.'

Remus looked down at the bowl of oatmeal reluctantly. It wasn't that the oatmeal itself looked poisonous, but in all truth, Remus himself hated oatmeal. His mother had always force fed spoonfuls of it when he was younger, with empty promises of chocolate bars or new toys. He looked at Harry, who was looking at Remus with wide, fearful eyes, almost as if warning Remus not to eat it.

Remus held his breath and swallowed a mouthful.

And Harry vanished.

Sirius groaned exasperatedly. 'Not again. Like I didn't have enough trouble last time...'

Remus blinked at Sirius with confused amber eyes. Obviously, Harry vanishing was quite a normal thing when Sirius made breakfast.

'Come on. Let's get him before he hurts himself,' Sirius muttered grouchily, throwing a robe

towards Remus. 'Come on, quickly!'

Grabbing his tea to wash down the taste of Sirius's disgusting oatmeal, Remus followed his lover as he stormed down the stairs, obviously in quite a temper. Sirius threw open the front door, marching outside with his arms crossed above his chest in a way that reminded Remus of his own father whenever he was about to be told off severely for licking off all the chocolate cream from the biscuits again.

'Harry, you come down here right this minute!' Sirius screamed, and Remus nearly fainted when he walked out to see exactly what Sirius was shouting at. 'Harry, I'm telling you to come down before you catch a cold!'

Remus rubbed his eyes dizzily and looked up again. Yes, it was true: Harry was sitting on the roof, quite happily playing with snow collected there from last night.

'HARRY!' Sirius roared, scaring Harry out his playful reverie and sending him into a crying fit, complete with tears and snot running down his nose steadily. 'Oh, for Merlin's sake, stop crying like that, boy! You'll slip!' Sirius's loud and brash tone, unsurprisingly, did not calm Harry down the slightest.

'Er...Padfoot...' Remus tried, looking from Harry to Sirius uncertainly, wondering if perhaps just bringing a ladder from the garage would be a smarter idea that to watch Sirius scolding the child silly. 'Padfoot...your hair...it's er...blue...'

'What?' Sirius cried, outraged, his hands immediately flying to his precious hair. 'Again! It takes an entire day to wear off. I can't believe- HARRY!

Remus shifted awkwardly, before deciding that perhaps just fetching a ladder would be much wiser. They were attracting a lot of stares from the neighbours, most of whom were watching with incredulous expressions. One of them passing by looked at the two of them and then at Harry, her eyes looking ready to pop in horror.

'Harry! You bring your diapered little arse down here right now, so that I can spank you to next week!'

Remus smiled weakly at the woman and tried to shrug as if a one year old on top of the house roof was completely normal. 'Kids nowadays, eh?'

Sirius peeked at Remus through the corner of his eyes, wondering exactly why his lover had insisted on picking him up from work when he could easily have used the bike. Something about respect and reputation, Remus had mentioned, but Sirius had tuned himself out for most of the lecture. Mainly because he believed Remus just wanted to check out Sirius's new workplace at the station. It was much cooler than a kindergarten after all.

'Moony, I've been thinking...' Sirius started.

'Don't stress yourself too much,' Remus replied, not even bothering to take his eyes off the road to look at Sirius. 'You might have an aneurism, and then what would I do?'

Sirius pouted petulantly. 'Don't make fun of me when I'm being serious, Moony!' When Remus chortled at Sirius's unintentional pun, Sirius punched him in the arm lightly. 'Moony! Listen!'

'I'm listening, love,' Remus laughed, planting a quick kiss on Sirius's cheek. 'Go on.'

Sirius huffed. 'I've been thinking about the whole blood protection thing. I mean, don't you think there should be a way we can replicate the same thing maybe?' At Remus's look of confusion, Sirius tried to explain better. 'What if we used Petunia's blood and made seals around the house in every corner, Moony? Do you think it would work?'

Remus frowned. 'Seals? Runic symbols you mean?' He stopped the car at the corner and turned in his seat. 'I see, you want to substitute wand magic with Lily's blood magic, and channel it through Runes to magnify the protection around our house! Each Rune would signify a certain type of protection, or we could even use the same one repeatedly to amplify what we have. I mean, it's technically not physical magic, so we're not breaking our promise to Dumbledore, but it's just enough.' Remus rambled, having caught on to Sirius's idea quick enough. 'Padfoot, that's brilliant! I'd have never thought of that!'

Sirius grinned. 'Really? I thought you might actually be angry with me for suggesting something like that.'

Remus raised an inquisitive eyebrow. 'Why would I be angry?'

'Well...we are going to need Petunia Dursley's blood for it...' Sirius reasoned, an impish glint already forming in his grey eyes. 'And I know the perfect way to get it without her ever knowing!'

Remus was convinced Sirius had brainwashed him somehow because half an hour later, they were trying to break an entry into the local hospital. More specifically, into a room Sirius just happened to know contained blood samples and reports of those being tested. It was all just a coincidence of course that Sirius also happened to know that the none of the required nurses would come barging in on them since they were on a convenient coffee break. Remus didn't even want to know how Sirius knew that Petunia Dursley had gone to take a blood test recently.

'Padfoot, this is daylight robbery! Quite literally!' Remus screamed/whispered. 'It's illegal! We can't just barge into the hospital like this and steal! It's...it's-'

'It's fine, Moony,' Sirius reassured with a smirk that Remus had quickly learned to associate with trouble and mayhem. 'We're just going to look through the labels, pick up the vial with her name on it and leave as if nothing happened.' His kissed Remus's nose tenderly. 'Don't worry so much. Your lovely hair will go grey.'

Remus huffed and was about to complain further, when Sirius let out a silent shout of triumph and waved a test tube that was labeled in large black letters: Mrs. Petunia Dursley.

'Look, here's a copy of her report, too,' Sirius said excitedly, opening said report and leafing through it as if it contained the latest gossip on her. 'They haven't filled it in completely...couple more tests left I think. Moony, do you happen to have a pen on you?'

'Sirius this is wrong!' Remus protested, absent mindedly handing over the pen in his shirt pocket. 'We're not even supposed to be here, and we're definitely not supposed to be looking through confidential files.'

'How do you spell Hemorrhoids, Moony?' Sirius asked, obviously not paying attention to Remus's self righteous ramblings.

'What?'

Sirius rolled his eyes exasperatedly. 'Oh fine, Syphilis it is then,' he said, bending down to write

into a blank space on the report, perfectly and Marauderishly copying the doctor's handwriting on top.

'Padfoot, you can't be serious!' Remus cried out, instantly regretting the pun when Sirius shot him an obnoxious grin. 'You're incorrigible!'

'You love me,' Sirius replied cheekily, pulling Remus by the hand. 'Come on. We don't want to get caught now, do we?'

'That's the last seal,' Sirius told Remus, putting his brush down and watching as the Runic symbol momentarily glowed gold, then settled back to its original reddish brown colour of dried blood. 'We can bring Harry back from the living room now. Before he gets addicted to that show...I swear he has a crush on that green bint.'

Remus rolled his eyes and pushed the sandbox (now completely snowed in) back in place, hiding the seal away from inquisitive eyes. Neither of them knew if the Runic symbols would actually work; there was no way to test them, but they knew that it was better to be safe with Harry than to take chances. Besides, Sirius's ideas were rarely ever a failure, especially when Remus improvised. That's how it had been back in school, at least.

'I wonder what Dumbledore would say about all this,' Remus murmured. 'I mean, we don't even know if these runes work...and well, if Harry were ever to discover them.'

'We'll deal with it then,' Sirius replied gruffly. 'It's for his own good, and if the Runes don't work, then we always have our wands. I don't think it should be too much of a problem.'

'Hm, guess not.'

'You're fretting over what Dumbledore said...' It wasn't a question. Sirius knew Remus too well, knew his moods, his feelings, and sometimes even what he was thinking. 'Stop it, Moony,' Sirius scolded, 'Voldemort isn't coming back...not anytime soon. He's a shadow of his former self... nothing more than a fragmented soul. There isn't much he can do...'

'I know that,' Remus snapped. 'It's something else he said...like if I lost som...never mind. Forget it.'

'I miss being Padfoot,' Sirius muttered, getting up and throwing all the equipment they'd used in the rubbish bin, except the book on Runes they'd used as reference. 'Things are so much simpler and Harry likes him, too.'

Remus sighed and smiled to break the tension between them. 'You know the rules. At least I won't have to deal with your fleas.'

'Oi, that was once!' Sirius cried, face heating up with embarrassment. 'Why can't you let it go?'

Remus dodged Sirius's mock punch and ran into the house to fetch Harry. Only to be met by a snowball in the face when he finally came back out, with their godson dressed like an enormous potato.

'Oi!' Remus yelled, dodging the second snowball, but getting hit again in the chest by a third one. 'No hitting women and children!'

'You're right,' Sirius laughed. 'Move away, woman. This fight is between me and Harry.' Looking at Remus's incredulous face, Sirius burst out laughing, clutching his stomach and doubling over from the funny of it all.

'Why you little...' Remus deposited a squealing Harry into the garden swing, before running to pick up pace and bounding Sirius over with his entire weight. Sirius only got to respond with a surprised 'oof!' before Remus pinned both his wrists and straddled his thighs to keep him from moving.

'Sneaky bastard,' Sirius whispered, bringing his face closer to Remus and baring his teeth in displeasure in a way his Animagus counterpart would have. 'I'll get you for this, you know. Don't think you can get away this easy.'

'Sure, Padfoot, whatever you say...' Remus replied smugly, illustrating exactly how much control he had over Sirius by tightening his hold on Sirius's wrists. 'Everyone knows I always win in the end. You're mine, after all,' he joked, pulling at the leather collar on Sirius's neck.

Sirius raised a smug eyebrow and licked up across Remus's cheek. Immediately, Remus let go with a horrified, 'ew, Padfoot!', giving Sirius the perfect opportunity to flip their positions and pin Remus to the ground instead. He gave Remus a naughty grin and licked up the second cheek, just for fun and to make Remus squirm quite pleasantly underneath him.

'So, what is it you were saying, my love?' Sirius asked cockily. 'Something about me being yours, is it?' He chuckled softly and nosed away Remus's scarf to kiss the skin there. 'Looks like the tables have turned, my dear Moony.' He kissed higher, leaving a rapidly cooling trail over Remus's already pink skin.

'Padfoot, we're out in the open,' Remus protested, as Sirius's hands forced Remus's arms around his neck so that they were laying on top of each other without an inch of space in between. 'Remember Petunia and her lovely habit of spying?'

'It's too dark to see anything,' Sirius replied huskily, more concentrated on the patch of skin below Remus's ear than their surroundings. 'We blend in with the snow anyway...'

'Mm...and Harry?' Remus tried, wriggling under Sirius experimentally to see if he could get out.

Sirius looked up just long enough to check on his godson. 'He's having a hard time trying to make the swing move,' he replied and before Remus could laugh or protest any further, Sirius captured his lips in a heated kiss.

Momentum:

1 - An impelling force or strength

2- An essential element; a deciding point, fact, or consideration; an essential or influential circumstance.

3- It is an abstruse speculation, but also of far less moment and consequence of us than the others. -Bentley.