Chapter 4: Forgiveness²

"Julia, how are you doing? Where is David? Why are you crying?"

"Oh mum, please. Not now. It's complicated. I am waiting for the investigator regarding the «abuse of power» accusation. Can you, please, help me to look presentable?"

Frances sighs and kindly helps Julia to put a nice camel cashmere top and some light make-up. She brushes her daughter's hair and manage to curl it nicely. She was just leaving when Matthew Davon, Julia's new PPO, knocks on the door. "Home Secretary, the investigator you are expecting is there. Do you want me to let him in?".

"Yes, please, let him in. Thanks PS Davon"

"Hello Miss Montague. My name is James Hoffner. Nice to meet you". "Hello Mr Hoffner, nice to meet you"

"I am here to take your deposition regarding the accusation of potential "abuse of power" in your relationship with your former PPO, PS David Budd".

"Do you admit starting an affair with PS David Budd whilst he was still your PPO?"

"Yes, I do"

"Can you, please, specify when exactly the relationship started?"

"The night after the Thornton Circus attempt on my life"

"Can you, please, specify how the relationship started?"

"David saved my life that day and I asked him to come to my hotel room to discuss the events of the day with him. We both fell in each other's arms after these very disturbing events"

"Do you have forced PS David Budd in any way to start that relationship?"

"No, never. It was totally consensual. Force or coercion were never used in any way from neither of us. We have breached the conduct code. We are totally aware of it, but we fell in love"

"You fell in love?"

"Yes"

"I see. And are you still in a relationship with PS David Budd today?"

"Yes"

"At some point, did you decide to stop your work relationship?"

"Yes, just before St Matthew's event, we discussed it and we agreed to stop our work relationship, in order to be able to go public with our love relationship".

"Thank you very much Miss Montague. Your deposition is totally aligned with what PS David Budd told us. From our perspective, there is no "abuse of power" but there is still misconduct from both of you. However, as PS David Budd has sought the help of the occupational Health Doctor and also has decided to stop working as a PPO, to take the Detective Inspector training, we do not plan to recommend any disciplinary measure against him. As you are concerned, there is clearly no evidence of any "abuse of power" and your private life must remain private. We will recommend the acting PM to let you recover from the bombing and not pursue any enquiry further"

"Thank you very much Mr Hoffner. I appreciate your professionalism and your empathy. Have a good day"

Frances comes back after her lunch and after the investigator left.

"Did it go well, Julia?"

"Yes, mum. The enquiry is finalized and no charge will be hold against me nor against David'.

"Julia, this is great news. I am very happy for both of you. Is the investigation the reason why David is nowhere to be seen since this morning? "

"No"

"Julia, what happened? Let me in, talk to me"

"David confessed 4 things to me yesterday after you left. He wants to be in a serious relationship with me and wanted no secret between us. He betrayed my trust. He was forced to spy on me by his bosses, who threatened to remove his family from the Safe House, and I believe him when he says he did not want to do it and that he gave them the minimum and that he would never expose me but still, at the end of the day, he betrayed my trust. And now, I don't know if I can forgive him and trust him again. Forgiveness is not my stronger suit"

Frances sighs: "I see". She pauses.

"Julia, I have never and will never tell you what to do but let me just give you a small piece of advice here: David went above and beyond to identify those who were threatening your life. He was framed by his bosses and at some point he ended up in a square with a suicide vest strapped to his chest"

Julia looks at her with utter disbelief. "What?"

"Yes, we did not go into that level of details yesterday with David when we talked about the enquiry but David's life was in great danger after the bombing. He managed to survive, to clear his name, to identify who was behind your attack and arrest them.

"He spent each night by your side at the hospital, he was there every day, talking to you, reading to you, kissing you softly and holding your hands almost all the time. David really loves you Julia, and I think you really love him as well. If not, you would not even being talking about forgiveness".

"I asked him not to come today but to call me at 2pm. I need some time to process it all and find enough strength in myself to forgive him. As I said, it is not my stronger suit. I have never been able to forgive myself dad's death"

"Julia, you never wanted to talk about it but there was nothing you could have done to save your beloved dad. He died of a devastating heart attack. Even with a doctor on his side, he would still have died instantly. Nobody could have saved him. Julia, you have to forgive yourself, and please, do all you can to forgive David. I have never interfered in your love life, but David is not Roger. He really loves you & cares about you"

Julia's phone is ringing. "It's him, can you, please grab a coffee and come back later mum?"

"Of course, Julia. See you later"

Julia answer the phone. "Hello Julia, how are you doing today? Did you see some of the Doctors?".

She says with a neutral tone: "Hello David. I am OK, not great obviously but OK. I spent some time with the investigators for the potential "abuse of power" in our relationship and they are going to drop the case. No disciplinary measure will be taken against us"

"This is really great news! I am relieved. Nothing is stopping you to run for PM now"

"Indeed"

"Is this what you are going to do then?"

"This is not something I want to discuss over the phone. Can you, please, come and visit me tomorrow morning around 11am. We need to talk"

"Yes, no problem. I will be happy to see you. I miss you"

"I miss you too David. Bye for now"

David was feeling a little bit lighter and more positive after his phone call with Julia as she said "our relationship" and that she misses him. He plans to pick-up Ella & Charlie from school and go for an ice cream.

Julia feels better after having heard his voice and more positive as well. She still needs some alone time but she knows she will forgive him, deep inside her heart.

Frances comes back in the room and for the first time since he died, they talk about Richard Montague for several hours. All the good memories coming back. At some point, Frances says: "your dad would have loved David". Julia replies: "I know mum, I know".

Frances leaves very happy about her afternoon with her only beloved child and optimistic about her future with David.

Julia doesn't sleep well that night as she is overthinking the decisions to forgive David and to run for PM, which always was her long-term end goal, even if both decisions were deep down already taken.

At 11h, David knocks on her door. Julia, with the help of the very kind nurse, managed to put on a nice navy blue top with a boat neck, to apply some light make-up and to curl her hair a little bit.

David enters the room with a very nice orchids bouquet and a Fish & Chips bag from the same shop when they ate some together in her den, the day before Thornton Circus. He is wearing a nice fitted dark navy blue jeans, a light blue shirt which is making the color of his eyes bluer, like a Carribean Sea.

Julia really appreciates the handsome sight of him and the nice gestures, but she is still upset. She thanks him and let him kiss her on the cheek. He is still not out of the doghouse! They really need to talk.

"David, let's not avoid the elephant in the room and let's go straight to the point". David smiled internally, this is so much his Julia.. well, he hopes he will still be able to call her that..

"I am not holding against you that you did not like me to start with. I know that you are not voting for the Tories and this is fine. I still do not need you to vote for me, remember, only to love me. And I fully understand, having witnessed the war first hand several times that you do not support these decisions, even if risking the lives of some people aims to protect & save a lot of other lives. My day-to-day job is to take difficult decisions to protect & save as many people as possible". David nods.

"I understand you did not say you knew Andy Apsted. I know you did it to be able to continue to protect me".

"Regarding your self-attempt on your life, it still makes me very angry just thinking about it and about what could have happened if your bullets have not been switched to blanks. But I know you are in a much better place today and that you will never do it again". David nods again.

"However, I am really struggling with you spying on me and the trust issue this brings out. I understand you were in a very difficult position, having to choose between your kids and me, this was terribly wrong from Craddock & Sampson and I can forgive you to have tried to handle it alone, and not sharing it with me to find a solution together. The issue is I don't know how I will be able to trust you moving forward. I know you love me, I know you have proven your love & loyalty to me in so many ways and that you will always do everything in your power to protect me". She pauses and looks at David straight in the eyes: "As I told you, I am about doing the right thing and making the hard choices. And I know that trusting you again is doing the right thing".

David does not waste any time and takes her in his arms within a second. He takes her face in both his hands and kisses her passionately. Julia responding eagerly and their tongues play together for several long minutes. They only stop to grasp some air.