Start Date: 11/2/22

Windwillow

Final Fantasy VII

Gongaga ended up being a mixed bag. The party learned little, Cloud and Tifa were severely wounded, and for some reason the Turks allowed them to walk away from a fight they had pretty decisively lost. A further mystery: How did they know where the team would be? Common answer went to the Gold Saucer owner Dio, but arguments were also made for Cait Sith and (to her outrage) Yuffie. For now, that is being put on the back burner until everyone reaches Cloud's hometown of Nibelheim. Once there, they'll decide what happens next. There is a small fly in the ointment, however... Aerith's plan comes back to bite both her and the team. If the travel from Corel to Gongaga was rough, just wait until Aerith ends up in the back seat...

Chapter Thirty-One: On the Road Again... Until We Break Down

Scene One

Despite the need to hurry on to Nibelheim, the party was forced to halt for a few hours as Cloud had another relapse and nearly crashed the buggy. The accident nearly struck a nearby monster, but Tifa managed to gain control in time, halt the vehicle, and the rest of the party dispatched the monster - a large, green quadruped mutant with a petrifaction ability similar to the Cockatrices. When Barret's Gun-arm was unable to pierce the beast's armor and he was nearly petrified again, Aerith and Red XIII teamed up to incinerate the Gagighandi while Yuffie restored Barret to normal. While Aerith mended Cloud, who had been afflicted with a sudden and serious breathing problem, Yuffie and Cait Sith bickered for a while and Tifa took the opportunity to stretch her legs. She was also suffering from the previous fight, and with her right hand still injured she was also too damaged to fight. Even though her knuckles had stopped bleeding, it was still quite painful to move her hand.

In the meantime, there was a change in the seating of the buggy. To her joy and relief Yuffie took the front seat beside Aerith, leaving Tifa in the back to cuddle up to Barret. While Yuffie had a very relaxing ride for a few miles, Tifa was left in a horrible mood. Not only was she hurt, but being stuffed next to Barret stoked her fury even further. Unlike Yuffie, however, she remained much more stoic and, other than glaring daggers at Barret when he crowded her, Tifa pretty much sat in silence. Yuffie was far less quiet.

"Aw, hell yeah! That's the stuff!" chortled Yuffie as she stretched her legs for the first time in hours. Compared to her previous arrangement, the ninja was in a much better mood and took every effort to shove it in Tifa's face. "Sure would have been just peachy to be in this position before that freaking Sand Worm popped out!" she laughed. "Maybe I could have whooped it myself if I'd been able to feel my legs!"

"Oh, so you're in quite a good mood, Yuffie?" Aerith tittered, stretching own legs out as well. Unlike Yuffie and Tifa's situation, she'd been consistently comfortable and, like Yuffie, made sure to let the rest of the party know it. When Yuffie nodded eagerly, Aerith chuckled and brushed some dust from her hair. "You know, despite the fact that this clunker looks like the seventies went wild and got high, it runs pretty well!" she laughed.

"Stuff it..." snarled Tifa as she crossed her arms over her chest with a huff, entertaining the two ladies in front of her and stoking her own fire. "For the first time, I feel like strangling Yuffie and you, Aerith... And rest assured, if I have to sit next to Barret and have Red XIII crowd my legs, you will have your turn in the back seat..." she growled testily. Seeing Barret's irritation, Tifa stuck her tongue out at him and scowled. "And you, hush up! Trust me, you do not want me to speak to you right now..."

"Oh, so you're telling me to shut up? You aren't the one being treated like luggage!" Barret growled angrily, whacking Cait Sith as he flipped Tifa off. "At least you got the front seat before! What, can't I have the front seat next?!" he snarled, folding his arms over his chest. "And don't tell me I don't fit! You and the girls can sit here while I actually exercise my rights as a human being to not get squeezed!"

"Do I get a voice in this whole affair, or am I chopped liver?" Red XIII asked as he bared his teeth. The scent of Coates' carpet had been stinking in his snout for several miles with no relief in sight. "You get the front seat, Yuffie, but I stay down here under Barret's legs?!" he hissed. "I haven't been able to feel my neck for the last two hours! Why can't I lift my head up and relax?!"

"Who said you had to keep your head down, dummy?" laughed Aerith. As Yuffie snickered, Aerith turned around in her seat and stuck her head in the back. "Why don't you lift your head for a little bit? No one ordered you to stay down there on the floor like that!" she chuckled. Sensing Red XIII's anger building, she quickly ducked her head back to the front seat and began to innocently whistle.

They really are going to kill me, aren't they?

There really wasn't anything short of Shinra rolling over and waving the white flag that Red XIII longed for more than stretching his lithe body, and so he gathered up his courage, began to shift, and slowly sat up in the back. When he bonked his head on the top of the roof, he bared his fangs angrily at Tifa and Barret. They were having none of it and scowled back, prompting Yuffie to stretch her legs and lean back in her seat.

"Oh, come on, guys!" chirped Yuffie cheerfully, folding her arms over her chest with a satisfied huff. From her vantage point she was unable to see the looks that the people in the back seat were shooting at her. If she had, she probably would have stopped there. "The ride's getting bumpy! Why can't you guys keep calm, you know, like I had to?" she chortled as she rubbed her hands together, enjoying the ride perhaps a bit too much. Her earlier mania remained, and it clouded her awareness of the anger behind her. "Keep it down back there, or I'll have to come back and show you some serious-"

The dialogue that followed cannot be printed. If I tried, the piece would be bumped up a notch in terms of age restriction, and I don't think I want to embarrass any of the characters with what happened next...

Scene Two

Following the earlier altercation, they bandaged Yuffie up and continued on with the buggy. There was a notable change, however, and it pleased everyone but one person. In the front, Tifa and Yuffie stretched their legs in relative comfort. In the back, Barret still took up two seats and Red XIII still hugged the carpet. It was the addition of Aerith in the back seat that left everyone feeling vindicated except, of course, Aerith, who finally was reaping what she'd sown when she established the travel arrangements. And while she wasn't happy, everyone else's glee started to piss her off royally.

"What were you saying earlier, Aerith? You know, that this buggy runs real well?" laughed Yuffie, rubbing her hands together with a look of pure bliss despite the fact that she was still sore. The fact that in the back it didn't was now clear to Aerith. "Ain't justice sweet, guys?" she chuckled. "Looks like our pretty little princess's plans finally came full circle, huh?! Suck it, Aerith! Now you know what we've been going through for the past day!"

"Oh, come on, guys! That's enough partying!" Aerith said glumly as she folded her arms over her chest with a huff. A slow burning anger emanating from the Ancient began to boil, and Barret quickly realized he was sitting next to a land mine. And if she went off, as seemed increasingly likely, he was smack dab in the middle of the epicenter. So, as Barret's emotions fluctuated between satisfaction and terror, Aerith's eye began to twitch and destruction seemed imminent. "This is so not fair!" screeched Aerith as she balled her fists and stuck out her tongue. "You guys are doing this just to get back at me for-"

"For everything!" snapped Yuffie, turning around to look at her simmering friend. "Every time you breathe you cause mischief! You're the one who decided who sits where, and I still hold you responsible for my leg cramps! You suckered a hooker back at Junon by faking you were into girls! You made Cloud wear fake tits and you hogtied Red to that big oaf Barret way back when! You're next of kin to chaos!" she shrieked. When the buggy's wheels screeched to a halt, Yuffie frantically flailed her arms at Cloud. "Hey! I'm chewing Aerith out! Get the damn engine back on!" snapped Yuffie.

"Get out, guys!" Cloud warned, placing a hand on his door and pushing it open. When Yuffie began to freak out and curse him out, Cloud quickly pointed to the fact that they were surrounded by dozens of desert Sahaguins. After Yuffie muttered an expletive and shoved Tifa out of the buggy, which ended in a hard smack to Yuffie's cheek, the team exited their vehicle to find dozens of kappa-like monsters pointing spears at them. "We can yell at each other later!" he groaned, drawing his sword. "Right now, let's try not to get hijacked by these bozos!"

With great satisfaction and notable haste, the back seat evacuated the buggy and gathered around it to defend it from the Sahaguins. Aerith angrily snapped her staff open, Barret undid the hatches on his weapon, and Red XIII rolled out and staggered to his feet. Cait Sith fumbled from the buggy and attempted to super size his moogle, but had little success and was bonked by Aerith before finally inflating it back to its normal size and climbing on top of it as he brandished his megaphone. There were dozens of the Sahaguins, each surrounding the buggy from a different angle until every avenue of escape had ended. Before they made any further moves they let out a weird sort of squeal that Cloud assumed was either a war cry or them questioning whether they should try to take the buggy in the first place. Seemingly they made their decision, as the Sahaguins began to converge on the party from every angle.

Drawing her shuriken from her back with a flick of her wrist, Yuffie took hold of it and swung it in a wide motion that beheaded a Sahaguin. With great fluidity she transitioned into a series of slicing motions that cut through the monsters with her Aero materia. One of them managed to get close to her, however, and Barret was forced to bat it out of the way with the broad side of his Gun-arm. Instead of receiving thanks, though, Barret was inadvertently whacked by Yuffie's head hitting his, dropping the both of them to their seats with birds fluttering over their noggins.

Still irked by her seating arrangements, Aerith took her staff and clashed with one of the Sahaguins, soon being targeted by two more. She was swiftly saved by Cloud as he cut through the both of them, turned on his heel, and slashed a third with a strong diagonal slice. Cloud and Aerith went back to back for the first time since Midgar, ready to take on each other's backs. And this they did, slashing and bashing the enemies that the other wasn't able to stop. Unfortunately, each slash took its toll on Cloud and he began to slightly weaken. When he staggered and dropped to one knee, Aerith quickly clapped a hand on his back, and her healing energy invigorated him enough for him to resume his attacks after staggering to his feet and picking up his sword with a weak grin on his face.

Struggling to fight physically due to her aching knuckles, Tifa switched to magic and struck with daggers of ice alongside curtains of flame to deal with the Sahaguins. When she finally began to weaken, her mana lowering, she clapped her hands together to summon Shiva. The Eidolon of Ice appeared from above, dropped to the ground palm first, and created a shock wave of frost that froze the oncoming Sahaguins, and Cait Sith followed up by blasting them with his Echo materia.

As the battle progressed, Red XIII became the primary source of their offense when the rest of the party began to tire. With the enemies he wasn't biting and clawing, he slammed on the ground and created stalagmites that skewered the Sahaguins whole. When confronted by six from each direction, he clapped his fangs together and surrounded himself with a barrier of flame that seared the monsters, following up by spearing them with lances of stone.

With all the monsters eradicated, the party took the opportunity to rest. Tifa and Cloud were still damaged and were again tended to by Aerith, who also healed the shiners on Yuffie and Barret's heads from when they knocked each other out. Although Cait Sith wasn't wounded he insisted on faking an injury, but Aerith whacked the joke out of him and he eventually fell silent. She was still in no mood to deal with his antics, especially because it was still her turn in the back.

"Never thought I'd see Red as MVP..." Barret muttered as he tapped his head to relieve the pain. "But with me and Yuffie sleeping and the other guys starting to fade, the lion dude really pulled it off. I mean, he had to take out at least thirty or forty on his own..." he laughed. "Something seems to have lit a fire under his butt..."

"Well, for one thing, I got to stretch my legs and move my neck without whacking it..." Red XIII laughed, curling up next to an exhausted Tifa and warming her with his fur, something she very much appreciated. "But I suppose most of it came from me being anxious about where we are! My home town isn't too far away and I'm guessing I just feel a bit vicious since I've been away for so long..." he said quietly. "Would it be too much to ask if we stopped there before we went to Nibelheim?"

"I don't see why not, so let's go with it!" Tifa chuckled. As she massaged her still sore knuckles, one of the reasons she'd agreed was her apprehension at returning to the scene of Sephiroth's crimes, but any opportunity to rest was a welcome idea for her. "I could use a nice shower... I haven't had one since Kalm!" she tittered. "Getting out of these sweaty clothes would be awesome..."

"If we can get Barret a shower, then hell yeah!" said Yuffie with a cheer. "His pits stink like moldy cheese! And I haven't had a bath in I don't know how long! I wanna do some soaking to make up for all the nicks and bruises I've gotten from being with you nutcases..." Yuffie sighed. "I guess everyone's in agreement, so! Let's get going, Cloud! To the paradise where I can stick my toes in the water!" she cheered, thrusting her arm high into the air.

"Yeah, yeah... I get it, already! God, you're all insufferable..." Cloud sighed as he nursed his migraine. Yuffie's idea of a bath sounded great, finally taking an opportunity to sink into the water and wash away all the aches and pains he'd accumulated from their journeys. And a hot meal? A warm bed? That logic was nearly impossible to reject. "Where is this place?" he wondered. "We'll go by buggy and get the hell out of dodge..."

Let's go somewhere where we aren't at each others throats. This whole trip's been insane.

Scene Three

Following the battle with the desert Sahaguins, the choice was made to stop by Red XIII's home town of Cosmo Canyon for some rest and relaxation before making the journey to Nibelheim. So, piling into the accursed buggy once again, everyone set out for Cosmo Canyon. Fortunately, there was only one monster attack. Unfortunately, that monster attack damaged the buggy and the party was forced to hoof it to Cosmo Canyon.

"Damn it, Aerith! This is all your fault! Again!" snarled Yuffie, her arms folded as she shuffled like a crab towards the village up the hill. "Did I not hammer it into your peachy little head that you're nothing but havoc reincarnated into human form?!" she growled as she stomped her foot over and over onto the desert ground. "I spent, what, a whole freaking paragraph trying to straighten you out?!" Yuffie snapped angrily. "You're a menace to all of us! Gawd!"

"Oh, come on, Yuffie! Try and keep it straight, why don't you!" trilled Aerith, her arms folded over her own chest as well. Her pace was just as frantic as Yuffie's, given that she'd been the last to climb the hill because Yuffie had gruffly shoved her back a few paces when they reached it. "Since when is this my fault?!" Aerith growled with a huff. "I've been telling you guys for the past two hours-"

"Uh, yeah, it was your fault!" Cloud snapped as he gripped his aching head. Ever since he began traveling with Aerith, something, at some point, inevitably went bizarrely wrong. This was no exception. "Who was it that said to gun it at the monster?!" he growled testily. "And when I said we should get out and fight, you kicked my seat and made me run the sucker over and dent the damn buggy!" When Aerith began to whistle innocently, Cloud's migraine accelerated. "Yuffie was right! Why do we keep listening to you?" groaned a very irked Cloud.

"I'll tell you why, you jerk! It's because none of us seem to learn anything! This is nuts!" Yuffie shouted as she flailed her arms wildly. "Okay, once is okay. Twice, shame on little ol' me! But after all this time..." When Red XIII darted past her and nearly toppled her, Yuffie furiously flipped him off. "Hey! I was lecturing Aerith! Who said you could get all eager to stretch your stupid legs?!"

As the gate to the village came into view, Red XIII eagerly bounded up the stairs two at a time, then three, until finally he slid to a stop in front of the gatekeeper. The gatekeeper's eyes opened wide, just as long as Red XIII's smile, as the two of them locked eyes. When Red XIII skidded onto the red soil, the gatekeeper eagerly rubbed him on the head and turned to Cloud and the others with a deeply gracious smile.

"Hoshi, I've finally done it!" Red XIII announced proudly. "Tell everyone that Nanaki's back home! I can't wait to go see Grandpa and tell him everything I've seen!" he chuckled. Seeing the party's confusion, Red XIII tilted his head and sighed. "Oh, right. I never told you that my real name was Nanaki, did I? Well, it is! And after all these years and after everything Hojo - and Aerith - have done to me, I've made it back to Cosmo Canyon!" he said, dashing past the gatekeeper towards a long cliff.

"Hey, it's that Cosmo Canyon, isn't it?!" Barret said excitedly. When Hoshi the gatekeeper gave a confused nod, Barret pumped his fist and began to swing his Gun-arm in the air. "'Bout damn time I got here! This is what I was promising the others we'd do for years!" he yelled. His face fell suddenly and he hung his head. "Aw, crap... Just me now, huh?! Biggs, Wedge, Jessie... dammit..."

"So, you guys are the ones who brought back our little Nanaki?" Hoshi pondered. With a toothy smile on his face, he gave a military salute and bowed his head. Seemingly he did so because he had no idea what a thumbs up was. "Elder Bugenhagen's going to want to meet you folks!" he laughed as he put his hands on his hips. "And just consider this your new surrogate home! Any friends of Nanaki are our friends as well!"

"Yeah, and if that's the case..." began Tifa. She excitedly pumped her fists and a wide smile crossed her face. "I want a shower! And clean clothes! Yuffie wants a bath, and Barret needs a bath... Cloud and I could use some medical attention, and Aerith can do whatever the hell she wants to as long as she doesn't plan anything!" she laughed. "Is that all possible, sir?! Please tell me it is!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down, little missy!" scolded Hoshi as he put his hands up in self defense. He wasn't used to people being so excited over a shower, much less so many strangers at once in the first place. "I'm sure we can arrange all that for you, but right now you ought to pay your respects to Elder Bugenhagen. He's at the top of the mountain on his observatory! Allow me to guide you there!"

Scene Four

The settlement of Cosmo Canyon was both technologically and spiritually advanced. While they hosted all the modern amenities of civilization, they also specialized in folk remedies, studied history and science, and they were first class researchers of magic and mysticism. Some of their research into materia was actually exchanged with the Weapon Seller Henschel, and in fact he had several agents in the village that would send him intel on the party's fighting techniques and weapons for him to further advance his studies of combat, especially Red XIII's Limited Moon.

Elder Bugenhagen was aided by two other elders, but he was the final authority in the whole of Cosmo Canyon. A former employee of Shinra, he'd quit the company out of protest for their utilization of Mako energy and relocated to Cosmo Canyon to head up their planetary research. His base of operations was a large observatory at the top of the canyon, complete with a huge telescope that looked deep into the stars. To reach him, they had to cross several different chambers, including stores and the oh-so-precious baths, and climb up several ladders. They passed a strange, sealed door as well, on the way up. When a nearby boy was asked about it, he shrugged and asked for some money for candy (Yuffie freaked out and chewed him out, but Aerith quelled her and gave him a few Gil).

Bugenhagen's home was relatively modest, a normal sized kitchen and living area with a small bedroom and a door leading to a bizarre contraption that few villagers had ever seen. There was a large telescope up a ladder, but the true draw was the Elder himself. He was an aged, white haired old man wearing ornate purple robes with an elegantly trimmed beard. Oddly enough, his feet never touched the ground. Instead he floated above the terra firma by sitting on a bizarre green orb on which he sat Indian style.

"Ho Ho Hooo! Hello, all!" trilled the Elder, bobbing from side to side on his orb. While Yuffie was less than impressed, the rest of the party was quite simply baffled by the old man's appearance. "My name is Bugenhagen, head Elder of Cosmo Canyon and chief researcher in the field of the Study of Planet Life. Despite my quite ordinary appearance, little Nanaki here calls me his grandfather... Interesting in terms of our biology, but I consider him nothing less! My young ward has told me much about you folks!" he said with a hearty laugh.

"Please stop calling me little Nanaki, grandfather..." moaned Red XIII as he plopped down on a soft blanket he used as a bed. "I'm forty eight now, and to call me by that name is... distasteful. I am an adult now!" he growled.

"Forty eight?! He's a freaking forty eight year old?!" Yuffie screeched as she held her head in both hands. "Holy crap! I figured this guy was old, but not that old!" she yelled. Putting a finger to her mouth, she pondered a bit. "Wait. If he's that old, why call him little Nanaki? The dude's middle aged for heaven's sake!" Yuffie growled as she flailed her arms. "You should have dropped the little part, like, what... four decades back!"

"Ho ho hooo! So you thought he was younger, or older?" wondered Bugenhagen with a laugh. "His species is very long lived, so forty eight is more like fifteen or sixteen in human years. After all, he's polite and intelligent, but still a child..." he murmured. "If he were a few decades older, you would find him much calmer and wiser than the wise cracking little kiddo he really is! But then, you'd know that better than I do, eh?"

"R-Regardless, Grandpa, I want to introduce you to my friends..." Red XIII stammered. He just desperately wanted to change the subject. "The one with spiky hair is our leader, Cloud. The spunky one in pink is Aerith, the big man with a beetle shell on his arm is Barret... The... loudest one," he whispered quietly so as not to anger Yuffie, "is Yuffie, a ninja from Wutai. The cat's name is Cait Sith, and Tifa is the one in the-"

"Ooh, so Tifa is her name, is it?" Bugenhagen interrupted, startling Red XIII and quieting him down. With a twinkle in his eye, he quietly sized Tifa up from head to toe. "Judging by her physique she's probably a martial artist, yes?" he asked. Tifa, confused, slowly nodded. "Quite an interesting individual! Ah, but I see her right glove is more or less gone... Shall I buy you a new pair, my dear?"

"Wait, what... My gloves?!" gasped Tifa. As she turned her eyes from the shredded right one to her intact left glove, she seemed to change her opinion of Bugenhagen for some reason. "My master Zangan gave me these when I was a teenager, so... I'd like to keep them, thank you very much!" she snapped with her hands on her hips. Taking a moment to pause, she slowly tilted her head in confusion. "Why are you focusing in on my gloves?"

"Ah, pardon me, please! I consider myself a fashion guru as well as a scientist!" laughed Bugenhagan heartily. Though Tifa was somewhat suspicious, he clapped his hands in front of his chest and bowed. "If you're a martial artist, gloves are an important part of your arsenal!" he said suspiciously. "I'd be glad to buy a custom glove for your right hand, ma'am... Consider it an old man's eccentricity, but I can't help but think how much action that hand has seen!"

"Y-You're... really freaking weird, man!" Tifa stammered. As she looked at her ruined right glove, however, the idea of replacing it with something new had its appeal. "But I like these gloves, so... I'll keep my left one, 'kay?" she said sweetly. "These gloves mean a lot to me, since my master gave them to me when I was younger, and-"

"And that resolves that, my dear! Consider it done!" Bugenhagen tittered, bowing his head. As he did, a bizarre look formed on his face. Though Tifa was unnerved, she didn't want to offend him by saying anything, so she kept silent. Bugenhagen paused, seemingly sizing Tifa up again. "Seems you've become quite the woman..." he muttered quietly. "Your body is toned, muscular... A very sturdy young lady, indeed..."

"What are you, a pervert?!" snapped Tifa angrily, punctuating her words with a punch to her left palm. "Are you some sort of dirty old man, or something? If you want me to tell you my measurements, the answer is no!" she snarled. As she calmed down, Tifa slowly turned a sheepish eye to Bugenhagen. "I, uh... I'm sorry, sir..."

"Ho ho hooo... A thousand pardons, ma'am... well, I should call you by your name, right?" blushed Bugenhagen cautiously, further infuriating Tifa. "Tifa, right. I've grown a bit senile in my old age, so please excuse my babbling..." he tittered quietly, laughing silently and still stoking Tifa's fire. "I'll make sure I refer to you by name from now on, madam. Your name is Tifa, correct?" he asked, and Tifa nodded. "Perhaps you'd like a cup of tea, Tifa?"

Tifa Lockhart... He raised you well. Since he isn't here, I'm guessing he's no longer with us. At the bare minimum, please let me share a cup with you. I've my own promise to keep after all...

"You, what... Wait... What?! Tea?!" Tifa gasped indignantly. Watching Bugenhagen's sincere disappointment, she relented and waved her hand at him. "Y-Yeah, whatever... I just want it plain, Earl Grey..." she muttered. "Dunno what your deal is, but fine!" After watching Bugenhagen quickly pour a cup of tea, Tifa took it and slowly sipped it. The grandfatherly look on his face continued to unnerve her, like he knew something she didn't.

This is freaking me out...

"But to get back to my dear grandson, I must ask you, Nanaki..." Bugenhagen sighed as he took his own sip of tea. "You seem eager to grow up, yes? Turning one's eyes to the sky too high risks being caught up in the stars... And that can be bad for your health!" he admonished. Staring into his tea a sorrowful look crossed his eyes. "When the Planet dies, the stars will be all that remains..."

"When the Planet dies?!" Cloud gasped, holding a hand to his mouth. He really didn't like the way Bugenhagen said that. "And just what does that mean, old man?" he asked. "The Planet seems like it's still here to me. I mean, sure, the reactors-"

"It could be a hundred years..." Bugenhagen muttered, taking a slow drink of his tea. While Cloud tilted his head in confusion, Bugenhagen set his cup down with a deep sigh. "Or a hundred hours. A hundred days? Or perhaps even today or in the next sixty seconds... The day the Planet ceases to breathe isn't long off. Its lungs have grown weak, almost too weak to scream..."

"What do you mean, lungs? The Planet's not a human body!" growled Cloud as he tightened his fist in frustration. "And there's no way someone would even know about this even if it did have lungs! What, does it talk to you when you aren't flipping through swimsuit magazines or something?!" he snapped. Red XIII took noteworthy offense, and Cloud sighed apologetically. "Sorry. I mean-"

"Oh, it doesn't talk to me, son! Don't be foolish! I'm no Ancient!" laughed Bugenhagen. With a strange look of sorrow in his eyes, the Elder sighed and held a hand over his heart. "But it does scream... I can hear its agony even now..." Bugenhagen sighed, bowing his head. "And you don't need to be a scholar like myself to hear it cry! Simply imagine the world you live on as a human being, a friend you've perhaps not talked to in a long time... Listen to your hearts and imagine what that friend is saying..."

"Geez, you are senile, ain't ya?!" snapped Yuffie as she folded her arms with a huff. "But whatever. So the Planet's some dude I haven't talked to in years, right? Well, so what?" she snarled. "Just 'cause it doesn't write, it's supposed to talk to-" Yuffie screamed suddenly, gripping her head with both hands and dropping to her knees as a horrific shriek echoed throughout the room. "What the holy flying flip is that?!" she yelled desperately. "Gawd! It's freaking me the hell out!"

It was a terrifying wail, something straight out of a horror movie. As it continued it seemed to intensify, making everyone's ears hurt. Every one of them could hear the pain, the terror, and the agony, just like Bugenhagen had said. It beat through their ears straight into their hearts, shook them to the core, and nearly dropped them to their knees. It indeed sounded like sheer agony...

"I take it you hear it now, correct?" Bugenhagen sighed sadly as he took a sip of his tea. "Try and remember back when you were a child. Was there ever a time in your life where you screamed in pain and bawled your heart out, as if it were being torn in two?" he wondered quietly and bowed his head. "The star upon which we live is shrieking in agony... Listening to it as I do, sometimes I lose the will to continue living..."

"Please stop talking like that, Grandpa! I won't hear that again, you hear me?" Red XIII growled testily. When Bugenhagen became so fatalistic, it set a fire under him that was not just anger, but fear. "But one of the reasons we've been journeying is to save the Planet!" exclaimed Red XIII. "These people aren't going to sit back and let Shinra destroy it! Please, show them your apparatus!"

"Save the Planet, is it? Rubbish! Poppycock! You're sooner to make Heidegger go on a diet!" balked Bugenhagen, prompting a heated rage from Barret. He lifted a hand to cool Barret's anger and sighed softly. "My apologies. It's just that the situation is a bit... well... Showing you the roads the Planet and stars take should illustrate my point... Though I will warn you, you may not want to learn what I have to say..."

"Oh, and Grandpa? We have another problem!" Red XIII gasped, suddenly remembering their other predicament. "Our buggy... well, whatever you call the damn thing... has been damaged by... um..." After turning to Aerith and receiving the stink eye, Red XIII gulped and hastily shifted back to Bugenhagen. "It's been damaged. Could you have someone repair it, please? I would deeply appreciate it, Grandpa!"

"A buggy? People still drive those? Remarkable!" said Bugenhagen, putting a hand to his chin. With a shrug, he clapped his hands together in front of his face. "Consider it done! Our technicians will take a good long look at it and figure something out. Now, this Cloud fellow is the leader, right?" he asked. When Cloud nodded, Bugenhagen returned the gesture. "Well, Cloud... You and two other people will fit in the machine. Any idea which two that should be?"

"Well, as long as you don't try any funny business, I'd like to go!" Tifa piped up, setting her tea down on the table and lifting herself to her feet as she stretched her neck. "I'm curious about this whole Planet and stars deal... Sounds interesting to me..." she sighed. With a smirk, she clapped her hands together. "I'm in! Who else is coming?"

"I advise that the young lady in pink go, as well..." Bugenhagen said, looking at Aerith cryptically. As Aerith tilted her head in confusion, Bugenhagen gave a sagely smile and nodded at her, and she nodded back. The look in his eyes was suspicious, but she figured she'd humor him if he just wanted two lovely ladies together with him. "Very well... Shall we set out for my machine?" he pondered.

"Wait, what about me? I want to go too!" growled Barret as he folded his arms over his chest and pouted. "I want to go first! If this is stuff that Shinra doesn't want anyone to know, I have dibs!" he said gruffly. "I got plenty of reasons to learn more reasons to find reasons to hate those Shinra goons!"

"There isn't enough room!" Bugenhagen said simply. At first taking that as an insult to his size, Barret was quickly reassured when Bugenhagen lifted his hand in apology. "No, it isn't that you're too big. The problem is that there's a limit to how many people can enter at once. I'll be glad to give you a tour of it later."

"Oh, well count me out!" huffed Yuffie gruffly. Even though she wanted to go in, she didn't want to let anyone else know it. "You couldn't force me into that whatever it is! I'm staying out!" she insisted.

Heh... Suckers. I'll sneak in.

Author's Notes

Well, this was a shorter chapter than the last, and it was on purpose. I wanted to focus on the trip through the wastelands and emphasize the buggy's lack of comfort for more people than Barret, Yuffie, and Red XIII. I'm hoping I made someone chuckle at some point... And just for reference, Barret's next up in the front seat. That'll come after they leave Cosmo Canyon, but I wanted to let you guys know that he gets his chance to relax as well.

Not much to say other than that... Putting Tifa and Aerith in the back seat and Yuffie in the front seat seemed fair, so I went with it. Their... distaste... for doing so, I wanted to even the odds and give Yuffie a chance to stretch her legs. The original idea for the Sahaguin fight was for the folks in the back seat to get out and do all the fighting, but I figured that wasn't fair either. I tried to make everyone a bit grumpier than usual... and yes, Barret and Yuffie were knocked out for most of the fight. Cait Sith took over defending them.

Hope I didn't drag out Tifa and Bugenhagen too bad. I originally wanted a couple lines between the two, but it changed a bit from the notes. Bugenhagen being accused of being a dirty old man was in the notes, though, to distract from him saying Tifa's body is well developed. The swimsuit magazine line was on the fly though... a couple shades of Kame-Sennin? And sorry if I made her too aggressive again... I thought I balanced it a bit when I edited it, because she was pretty nasty to Bugenhagen in the initial draft.

Hoshi's so named because it's Japanese for star. Got lazy. Simple as that.