Chapter 21: Life is not a long quiet river..

"Julia?"

No answer

"Julia, I am home"

Nothing

"Where are you love?"

No answer

"Julia, are you alright? Where are you?"

Still no answer.

David finally founds Julia in the bathroom, on the floor, crying with her hands around her knees which are against her chest.

"Love, what is it? What's wrong?"

Julia is sobbing even harder.. David sits down on the floor and takes her in his arms.

"Julia, what happened?"

"I" "I" "my periods"

"What about your periods?"

"I got my periods this afternoon. I am not pregnant David, I am so sorry"

"Love, it's normal. Only 30% of the people get pregnant within the first month. We will get there. All your tests and my tests are "all clear". You need to be patient and stop stressing about it. You eat well, you have reduced your alcohol intake, you exercise, you take your prenatal vitamins and we have sex as much as we want.. and we want often. Let's keep up the good work, OK?"

Julia keeps sobbing but then she stops, she hugs David tighter in her arms but then she slowly lifts her head and nods.

"OK David, you are right"

They kiss lovingly for a long time and Julia finally fall asleep in David's arms.

2 weeks later, David doesn't have the kids for the weekend and Julia suggests to spend some time at her Country Club on the Saturday and to go to her favorite pub in her home town with her mum for a Sunday Roast and David agrees.

They arrive at the Club at 12h30 for lunch. Julia is wearing white linen trousers, a light blue short sleeves top & white linen light jacket (matching her trousers). David wears a navy blue slim chino and a light blue short sleeves polo matching his eyes & Julia's top.

They have a nice lunch on the terrace and they barely notice the fact that people are looking a lot at them as their eyes are locked on each other. David is obviously younger than Julia, he is very handsome and they are so much in love and so happy. It's also the first time Julia is coming back to the Club since the accident.

People are curious and they are looking a lot at her leg even if nothing is showing with her trousers and walking shoes. After lunch, they have a nice walk around the club holding hands and kissing frequently.

Then they get ready to go in the swimming pool. Julia had asked the director if David could join her in the disabled cloakroom to help her with the change of prosthesis (to put on the waterproof one) and he accepted of course.

A soon as David closes the door, Julia presses him against the wall and starts to kiss him (like she did in the Blackwood's loo) but this time he answers by taking off her clothes quickly whilst kissing her all over and taking her passionately on the bench. Their orgasm is quick, simultaneous & so intense they can barely breathe.

"I have wanted to do that since you pinned me on the wall at the Blackwood"

Julia chuckles.

"Mmmm me too, David. Me too" and they both laugh

They obviously did not forget that moment.

Then they put their swimsuit on, Julia has a new & sexy dark blue swimsuit with a nice lace cleavage in a V shape in the back. David is wearing a navy blue swimsuit. Julia is really stressed as this is the first time she is going to swim in a "public" swimming pool and not at the reeducation center. People are going to see her with her prosthesis & her burns scars. David takes her hand gently and says they are going to be bluffed by her beauty, charisma & self-confidence.

They face the look of the other people together and all smile. They have a nice swim and David gently & discretely helps Julia to get out of the swimming pool and walk towards the deckchair, without slipping. She put a long pareo tied at her waist in order to hide her legs. David muscular & perfect body attracts also the look of the other ladies of the club. One of them took a chance on him at the bar whilst he is ordering cocktails. He gently but firmly put her back at her place and he calls Julia his wonderful wife, to make things totally clear.

They chilled out around the pool drinking cocktails, chatting, reading, laughing & kissing. They put their clothes on top of their dry swimsuit and came back home. They made love in the entrance hall on the floor as they did not manage to go further in the flat.

"mmm Prime Minister, you are insatiable"

"So are you Future Detective Budd"

"Yes, I am" and he plunges his middle finger in her pussy. Julia moans very loudly.

"You are so wet, love. Always ready for me. Did I tell you how much I love your pussy?"

"No, but I figured it out David" and they both laugh.

"Kneel on the bed, love. I want to take you wildly from behind, after my second dessert" and he starts to eat her out, licking her clit, lapping her juice from her hole which is dipping wet by now and even her back entrance hole, which is driving Julia totally wild.

Then with one strong movement he enters her without warning and they both explode instantaneously.

"Oh my god, David! That was incredible"

"mmmmm"

2 months later, on a Friday evening, David's phone is buzzing for the third time in 30 seconds… he was driving home and as he did not recognized the number, he did not worry and waited to be arrived at home to look at his phone again. There were 10 missed calls & 3 texts from Julia's PPO. His heart stopped when he read the first text and he calls straight away: "How is she? Is she awake? Is she in pain? What happened?" David is almost yelling on the phone. Matthew stays calm and said to David "she is in the ambulance on her way to the hospital, an ARV is waiting for you outside your house to get you there asap. I do not have more details, I am sorry, she collapsed in the Chamber with no apparent reason'. Alice is with her in the ambulance and there are 2 police cars & 4 police motorbikes escorting the ambulance. I will let you know straight away if I have more details".. David hung up the phone after a brief "Thanks mate" and rushed to the ARV waiting for him outside the house.

He arrived at the same time than the ambulance and in split seconds he is by her side, holding her hands.. Julia, I am here, can you hear me? Julia is conscious but very pale and with an oxygen mask on her face.. she manages to squeeze his hands before being dashed out by the medics and rushed to a complete scan & a battery of medical exams. David says aloud "Be careful, she might be pregnant". Julia's & David's eyes locked briefly before being abruptly separated when the emergency door slammed close.

David is worried to death.. Matthew sits down on the chair beside him and said: "she is going to be fine Skip, she is the strongest woman I know". "What happened? " says David. "She was in the chamber and she collapsed on the floor. Roger called the ambulance straight away and Alice was called in"

For the first time since he met him, David is thankful to Roger and his quick reaction.

2 hours later, David was becoming more & more worried as he did not manage to have any news neither see his wife. His wife, sometimes he could still not believe he could call Julia his wife.. even if there were married for 2 months now..

"Mr Budd, can you please come with me?" says the Doctor with a very calm voice. "We have all the results back"

David enters the room and is pleased to see Julia has regained some normal pink color and smiles at him.

"How do you feel, love? " he says approaching her, kissing her gently on the temple and holding both her hands in his .

"I am fine David, stop worrying, I just had a moment".. "a moment" he said. "Julia, you collapsed on the floor and you were unconscious".

He looks worryingly at the doctor: "Doctor, is my wife alright?"

The Doctor smiles gently at both of them and replies: "Everything is fine, all the results are good, except if you do not want to be parents". David looks at Julia, Julia looks at David, both having an ecstatic smile on their face. Then they both look back at the Doctor and say together: "are you sure?".

The Doctor can't restrain a gentle quick laugh: "Prime Minister, Mr Budd, you are a little bit less than 7 weeks pregnant".. David and Julia, all smile, hug each other strongly then the Doctor says: "if you want, we can have a scan now, instead of waiting the standard 3 months scan? ".

They both answer at the same time: "oh yes, please".. The Doctor calls the nurse to ask her to bring the ultrasound scanner in the room and as soon as he leaves the room, they kiss passionately and their kiss is only interrupted when the nurse knocks on the door and enters the room with the ultrasound scanner.

The Doctor comes back in and tells them kindly: "Ready to meet your little bunch of love for the first time? ". They both say all together: "Oh yes" and laugh..

When Julia sees the white small peanut size spot on the screen, she started to cry. She realizes how much she wanted this to happen and suddenly she is so worried that something could go wrong with their baby. Not worried about her health, only worried about their baby's health. David squeezes his hand to reassure her.

The Doctor does some checks & reassures them. Everything seems OK, even if it is still very early in the pregnancy. He hands them the first picture of the Montague-Budd baby and advises Julia to take it a bit easy.

Julia suddenly realizes that it is too early for the world to know and asks the Doctor what fake realistic explanation they can provide the press with as she is sure it is already on all the Press Headlines that the Prime Minister collapsed in the Chamber…

The Doctor replies they have several options: vagal discomfort, temporarily low blood pressure due to short nights working hard for the country (and shagging newly wed gorgeous husband ) or telling the truth..

Julia thinks it is too early in the pregnancy, especially at her age, to announce it officially. She thought about Nicolas Sarkozy vagal discomfort several years ago and suddenly it looked the best option to her.. it didn't do him any arm in the polls at the time so she does not see why it would do any to her.. the official statement is released by her PR team 1 hour later.. but British Press is definitely not the French Press.. and the next day all the Headlines were questioning: "Is the Prime Minister pregnant from her Toy Boy at 42?" but Julia does not care at all.. all she wants is to do all in her power to protect their child and their intimacy.

Julia is feeling great and she isn't suffering from morning sickness or anything. She is a bit anxious and can't wait to finally reach the fatidic 3 months threshold to be able to finally relax. She wakes up, smiling softly thinking today she is 11 weeks pregnant. One more week to go.. they have Ella & Charlie sleeping over and after a pizza party, Julia starts to feel some light stomach cramps. She goes to the toilets and she looks down, looking for reassurance, but unfortunately it's quite the opposite as she sees a small amount of blood in the toilet bowl..

She quickly get dressed, explain to David with a very low voice she is going to check if anything is wrong at the A&E, just to be sure. David wants to come with her but she knows he doesn't like to leave Ella & Charlie alone in Downing Street, especially Charlie.. so she says there is no need, that it's just a check to be sure everything is OK, that it is most likely to be just a small bleeding as there is nothing more than several drops.

David reluctantly accepts and she leaves with Matthew, discretely by the back door.

Arriving at the A&E, she is immediately rushed into a room and her doctor arrives at the same time. She explains what happened and he is very reassuring at first, saying that some blood losses happen often during pregnancies and that they are doing to do an ultrasound to double-check.

He puts the transducer on her belly and they both look at the screen. Julia sees it straight away but doesn't manage to ask the question clearly at first, too scared about the answer that she already knows it will be…

"Doctor, where is the baby? I don't see any baby on the screen"

"Let me check everything, please Prime Minister and then I will explain to you what happens".

Julia can see that he is moving the transducer almost frantically, trying to find her baby, David's and hers baby..

Then he looks at her with very sad eyes and speaks with a very soft & kind voice: "I am very sorry Julia but as you stated yourself, there is no baby anymore. It seems that you had what is called an "anembryonic pregnancy", also called "blighted ovum". It occurs when an early embryo never develops or stops developing, is resorbed and leaves an empty gestational sac. I am so sorry Julia"

Julia's heart is crushed and explodes in thousands of pieces of pain.

"But what happened? We had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and everything was OK. I had 2 blood tests since as well and the HCG levels were right in the value range"

'The reason this occurs is often unknown, but it may be due to chromosomal abnormalities in the fertilized egg. I can't tell you exactly what happened, but this is not your fault and as I often say: "everything happen for a reason" and it's better the embryo stops developing early in the pregnancy than having a baby with heavy handicaps (physical or mental). This is unfortunately the laws of nature but this is not your fault, you did nothing wrong Julia. I am very sorry it happens to you"

"Can you, please, leave me alone for a moment. I need to cry on my own for a bit"

"Yes, of course, I will be in the room next door when you are ready to discuss about what's going to happen next"

The doctor leaves her alone and Julia begins to sob & scream in pain uncontrollably. She cries very loudly during 15 minutes, not caring about who else can hear.

Then the cries turn into whimpers and then she cries silently then she manages to get a grip on her heartbroken self and she calls the doctor back in.

"OK, so what's next now? Do you need to do some surgery to remove the gestational sac? Do I need to give birth to an empty sac? Will I still be able to become a mother in the future?"

"The best option at the moment is to let the nature follows its flow, meaning normally, you will naturally miscarry in a day or 2 and then we have another ultrasound to check is everything is gone & clean for a potential other pregnancy. It happened but it doesn't mean it will happen again, the probability to have 2 anembryonic pregnancies in a row is very very low. I recommend you wait 1-3 cycles before trying to conceive again, in order to help your body to fully recover and your heart to heal, as even if it is very early in the pregnancy and even if there is no baby when you will miscarry, there was still an embryo at the beginning and you need to grieve that angel baby you will never hold in your arms"

"OK. That 's clear. I was really over the moon. I want a baby so much. I am scared I have waited too long to have one and that it will never happen, but on the other hand, I have only met the man I want so badly to have a child with recently. This is real life. Prime Minister or not"

"I can't promise you anything Julia. But I can tell you, from my experience, that this hoop happens more often than people think (amongst young mothers or less young mothers) but that nobody talks about it, it's almost like a taboo, but it doesn't mean you will not be able to conceive"

"I am 42, maybe I am too old"

"You are 42 and not 46 or 47, so yes, you might be what we call a "geriatric mother" in our jargon, but today the majority of the women have their baby after 30. Also, it might sound a bit cold to say that but you got pregnant Julia! That is already a first victory. How long did you try to have a baby before getting pregnant?"

"2 months"

"That's great Julia! That means you are fertile and in good health. Keep the faith!"

"Thank you"

"You don't really need it but here is your work stoppage certificate for a full week and some strong painkillers prescription"

"I don't need some time off. I will be fine. And I don't like to take painkillers"

"Julia, please, listen to me. Trust me on that one. One week off is the minimum. You can work from home if you must, but no engagement outside Downing Street. Miscarriages can take some days, you will bleed a lot and it will be painful, so please, take the painkillers"

"I can't stop working for a full week, I am the Prime Minister"

"And you are a woman, suffering a miscarriage. Trust me. Take some time off"

"I will see. I suppose I could do some homeworking for a week, the country is not going to collapse"

"Exactly!"

Julia is going home and hesitates several times to text or call David but then, she decides against it and prefer to announce it in face-to-face.

"Julia, how are you doing? How is the baby going?"

"I am sorry David but there isn't any baby"

"What? What happened?" says David with a hoarse voice

"I suffered what is called "anembryonic pregnancy", also called "blighted ovum". Basically the cell division process stopped at some point, most likely due to genetical anomalies. So the pregnancy continues but without a baby in the gestational sac"

"And now, what will happen?"

"In the next few days, I will basically miscarry. Then the doctor will check everything is gone with an ultrasound and we have to wait 1-3 cycles before trying again to get pregnant"

David takes her in his strong arms and rocks her gently.

"I am so sorry Julia. What can I do to help you?"

"Being there and holding me in your arms is a huge help and for now I need some alone time with a bottle of wine"

"OK, love. I understand. Let me know if you need anything and call me if you need me, OK?"

"Thanks David"

David kisses her very lovingly and gently and goes to bed. He is crying but manages to hide it from her.

Julia spends the next hour drinking a full bottle of wine by herself, her mind struggling to cope with the loss and with the fact that this is a fail. And Julia almost never has failed anything in her life. But she finally understands that she can't control everything and that she has to accept that it might never happen as she can't order mother nature to do what she wants, despite being one of the most powerful woman in the world.

The next day, Julia starts to have more and more painful cramps and more blood losses.

2 days after the visit at the A&E, she lost the gestational sac in the toilet bowl.. she sees it clearly. It broke her heart for the second time.

She spends the full week battling between the psychological pain, the cramps pain and the heavy blood losses. She takes the painkillers at the maximum recommended dose and she honestly struggles to wait for the next one several times as it is indeed very painful. At some point, she even calls the doctor as she feels very weak after loosing so much blood. But then after 5 very painful days, she starts to slowly physically feel better.

Life goes on, Julia heals both physically and mentally. David increases the number of visits to the psychologist for some weeks. They talk about it together of course, but they both feel that their healing & grieving processes are not the same, which is normal. Julia being the one carrying the child, experiencing the physical pain & blood losses. It's the flesh of her heart. But time is healing wounds. And they take that time.

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