Title:
What She Deserves
Author:
LiLAqUaMaRiE
Fandom:
CSI: Miami
Pairings/Characters:
Natalia Boa Vista
Rating:
PG-13/K+
Warnings:
Drama, angst.
Word
Count: 696
Summary:
To her, she's getting what she deserves.
Note:
I'm currently new to the CSI fandom and in the Miami one, Boa Vista
has started to become a favorite character of mind. The whole "mole"
plot intrigued me a lot and well this came up. Oh, and about the
grant money – I wasn't sure where it originally came from so I
decided to use the Feds as the ones to give it to her, if I'm wrong
– sorry, still new.
Like
cigarettes and gasoline
I
light a match and watch this scene
Burn
away in front of me
Ashes
of my misery
I
swear sometimes I think this life is killin' me
-
Killin' Me by Drowning Pool
Natalia Boa Vista glanced at the mirror before her; watching her reflection staring back at her - from the tear streaked cheeks to the puffy red eyes that ached and itched due to too many tears that has been shed from them.
Her face was pale; it reflected pain, anguish, and above all a misery that has been growing within her for so long.
Natalia lifted a hand to touch the mirror, tracing the image of her reflection. She titled her head to the side slightly, still staring at herself.
How long had it been since she last smiled – truly smiled? Laughed? When did her eyes start reflecting an empty stare? As if it was reflecting her soul; a soul that day by day was breaking deep within her - leaving her to feel as a broken doll within. Natalia closed her eyes, trying to close the pathetic image that has become her from her mind.
She wanted to scream. Wanted to go and find the others and beg for their forgiveness, wanted them to take her back in – to trust her once more. She just wanted them to open up their love and care for her once more. But she just stood where she was, in her empty apartment. An apartment she barely cleaned nor took care of. What was the point of doing that when she couldn't take care of herself for that matter?
Why everything in her life has to always end with her being so alone? She really wanted to know, to understand. Was she really such a bad person? Was she destined to suffer? Was that the point of her being born?
Natalia was very tired. She doesn't know how long she can hold up the facade of the good girl, the one that always has a smile on her face - no matter how fake it is. The one that tries to please everyone just to get kicked back down and thrown to the side as yesterday's trash.
She never truly meant to hurt anyone; she never meant to do anything wrong. But did she truly have a choice? She wanted the grant money so bad, she wanted to try and change her life back then. Change it to something meaningful, something that she could hold on too and hopefully be someone she could be proud of.
It wasn't as if she sent really important information to the Feds; she sent them good reports, as less information as she could – things to just keep the Feds at bay. To show them that her team – the team she started to see as a family – was made up of good people – special; people anyone could be proud of.
Natalia mentally laughed at herself; she was just getting used to being loved and cared for. She thought she finally found a place where she belonged; she thought she was finally going to reach her happy place - but she knew better then to believe anything would be ever good for her.
She glanced at her reflection once more. She hated what she saw; she hated what she has become - an empty shell, a pathetic being. No wonder she's never loved. She deserves to be shunned, she deserves what she gets. That's what her ex-husband used to tell her all the time.
She's getting what she deserves.
Anger started to build deep within her as she continued to stare at her reflection. She deserved pain, she deserved to be ignored, and she deserved to be hated. Suddenly, a rage exploded from her as she lifted her hand, making it into a fist and smashing it down as hard as she could into the mirror.
The glass shattered before her, falling to the table below and around her. Her hand was bloody. Her sad eyes glanced down at what she had done, glanced to her hands that shined with a bright new red color. Fresh tears ran down her face, as a small smile emerged on her lips. She laughed. She's getting what she deserves.
The tears were getting stronger by the second until her laughs turned into sobs.
She's getting what she deserves.
Fin.