The reds way of "roping some blue steer" was to roll up to them, force a retreat and then explode. It was pretty entertaining for Kaede, actually. Sarge and Simmons ran back to base okay, thankfully.
Sarge then brings up that they'll need to transform someone into a robot to replace Lopez.
"Who here wants to volunteer?" Sarge asks.
"Are we going on a trip? I love trips!" Donut exclaims. "Can we play I spy, or the license plate game?"
"What, of that entire conversation, makes you think we're going on a road trip?" Kaede asks, while mentally asking herself what it would be like to take a road trip. 16, and she feels like she's only been to four locations in her entire life.
"Ignore him, he's stupid." Grif explains to her.
"What exactly do you mean by volunteer?" Simmons asks.
"Quite obviously we are without a robot, or any other type of recruit with mechanical training or dexterity." Sarge explains.
"Didn't you and Simmons just fix the warthog when it 'broke'?" Kaede asks. "Isn't a robot who can do all those things irrelevant now?"
"Wha? Bu- but robots are superior those kinds of things so, we need one." Sarge stutters. "Besides, while new robot is working or something, say the warthog, Simmons can be working or something else."
"I concede, thats a good point." Kaede agrees. "But do we NEED a robot. Like, absolutely need?"
"NEED? Yes! Who'll volunteer to become a robot and or freaky cyborg thing?" Sarge continues.
"This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Grif comments.
"Cool! I vote for Simmons!" Donut exclaims.
"I'm told the cyborg operation is a relatively simple procedure, really-" Sarge starts.
"What does he mean?" Grif mutters.
"What is he talking about?" Simmons agrees.
"Whereas the mostly useless guts and slimy goo of the human body, are replaced with no doubt superior guts and oily go of a robot." Sarge continues.
"Thats disgusting." Kaede gags with the mental image in mind.
"If you're lucky, you might even get a copper rectum." Sarge says. Kaede rushes to the side of the base and dumps the contents of her last lunch over the side. When she gets back with the group, Sarge is still going. "Now Grif I'll be needing some things from my medicine chest for this operation... two quarts of vodka?"
"Check." Grif confirms.
"You haven't drank that yet?" Kaede questions.
"Its my emergency supply. Or was." Grif answers.
"Eight pounds of vaseline... condensed." Sarge lists off.
"Check." Grif confirms.
"An old tire iron, preferably metric." Sarge continues.
"Ya know, I might have left that in the bathroom." Grif says.
"Latest issue of Easy Bake Oven for kids monthly." Sarge continues.
"He's not serious is he?" Kaede asks.
"Nope. He is." Simmons confirms. "Our "Red team science station" is just a chemistry set for kids."
"I... don't know how to respond." Kaede says.
"You'll just have to wait for what he cooks up next." Simmons says.
"Ain't got all day! I gotta gut this fish!" They hear Sarge exclaim.
"Please, not another mental image of the innards of human beings or animals." Kaede groans.
"Thats what you do when fishing!" Simmons exclaims. "You've never been fishing before?"
"Nope." Kaede confirms.
"What DO you do with your folks?" Simmons asks.
Flashback
"Pay up Tucker!" Kaede exclaimed. Currently, she and Tucker were engaged in the game of monopoly, Church spectating on the side.
"Damn! I'm bankrupt." Tucker exclaims.
"Welcome to the club buddy." Church mumbles. "She's just to damn good at this game."
"Or you're just terrible." Kaede says. "I've never seen anyone flunk outta the game that fast, Church."
"Yeah. Its a gift." Church groans.
"So, what games next!" Kaede exclaims with hungry excitement.
"You've already beat us in all the games we have five times over!" Tucker exclaims.
"Oh..." Kaede realizes.
"So, we playing with Nyu next?" Church suggests.
"Sounds good to me." Tucker agrees.
"No! Don't leave me out of this!" Kaede begs.
Present
"Normal stuff anyway, shouldn't we stop him from continuing on with his "cyborg conversion" plan?" Kaede asks.
"Its inevitable. There's no stopping him" Simmons sighs.
Meanwhile, in Caboose's head
"Attention reds! And others..." Mental Church demands "The great Caboose demands and audience with you! So listen up ya blowjobbing cocksuckers!"
"Caboose? Oh no, he's come to kill us!" Mental Simmons exclaims as he emerges from hiding.
"Will some one please help me, I don't wanna die." Mental Grif says as he also emerges from hiding.
"I love Caboose, and yet I'm still afraid of him!" Mental Donut joins in with a girls voice. Kaede and Nyu both appear, but they have white cat ears instead of horns.
"Meow!" Nyu exclaims.
"She says, don't tell anyone we switch places so one of us can be Spider man while the other plays with the great Caboose." Kaede translates.
"That is multiple levels of wrong." Real Church groans. "Then again, it doesn't surprise me that Caboose doesn't know the concept of a split personality."
"Mew! Mew!" Nyu exclaims with excitement.
"She asks to be petted." Kaede translates. "I will also like to be petted, even though I'll never admit it to anyone."
"Huh?" Is all Church can say.
While Donut and Grif were talking outside, and Sarge was performing the operation on Simmons, Kaede was on the roof just thinking. She is interrupted from her thoughts when she sees the blues tank barreling toward the base.
"Did they get Church's "fix" function all figured out?" Kaede asks. The tank smashes into the base with a large boom, sending Kaede fly off to the other side of the base.
Next thing she knew, she had woken up on the floor of red base.
"What happened?" She asked herself. "Why am I inside."
Flashback
"Oh, Kaede! You're okay!" Donut greets as he sees her stumble into the base. "I was worried you got hurt by that tank."
"Nyu?" Nyu asks.
"Thats good to hear! You'll be glad to hear that Simmons surgery was a success and he is now a freaky cyborg thing." Donut announces. He than hands her a ballon. "Here, you can have his spleen."
"Nyu?" Nyu looks at the spleen ballon with great interest. After looking at it awhile, she lets it go and it slowly descends to the floor.
"Thats good. It doesn't have enough helium to float away." Donut comments as he watches.
"Yes!" Nyu adds.
"Hey, Donut!" Grif calls as he enters the room.
"Nyu?" Nyu asks as she points to herself.
"No, I said Donut." Grif clarifies. "I bet you can't jump high enough to get to the roof." Donut dramatically gasps.
"It. Is. On." Donut challenges.
"Care to put money on it?" Grif asks.
"Yeah! That'll make this more fun." Donut agrees.
"Heh. Idiot." Grif mutters. "Hey Kaede, what are you doing with Simmons spleen?"
"Nyu?" Nyu asks before stepping and slipping on said spleen. "Nyuuuuuu!" She cries out as she falls.
"Huh." Grif say as he looks at her unconscious form. "Never took her for the clumsy type. Whatever."
"Dang it! I almost got it that time!" Donut exclaims as he continues jumping.
Present
Running out of the base, Kaede spies the reds in a stare down with the Tucker and Caboose with Church and the tank in the stare down but away from the other blues. It was like a triangle of confusion for Kaede.
"Every time Nyu gets a turn with my body, something important happens." Kaede angrily mutters to herself.
"We've been out maneuvered men! Take cover. I'm calling in an airstrike." Sarge exclaims before getting on the radio. Meanwhile, Kaede sneaks closer towards the reds hiding and moving from nearby rocks to make sure she isn't spotted by the blues. "Wait, Vic. Red Command! Come in, I need ya!" Sarge exclaims.
"Whats going on?" Kaede asks herself as she moves between the rocks. 'Whatever it is, it looks serious. I have to stop it before someone gets hurt.' She thinks. 'Also, is that paper coming out of Simmons ass?'
"Simmons, Grif... We're out of luck. Get ready to open fire. Today is a good day to die!" Sarge announces. 'No! The blues have no cover, they'll be killed!' Kaede realizes.
"Wait! I think today is actually a good day to retreat. Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?" Grif asks.
"Yeah, lets take dying as an open action item, and come back with suggestions next meeting." Simmons agrees.
"No. It has to be today!" Sarge says. "For our ancestors. Yaaaaaaa!" Sarge charges forward with his shotgun.
"Sarge! Stop!" Kaede yells, throwing subtlety to the wind.
"Is that Kaede?" Caboose asks, across the canyon.
"On the reds side?" Church is also confused. "And she knows them!"
"Kaede's right! Stop fighting!" Tucker yells, apparently not affected by this revelation.
"What the?" Sarge says confused.
"How do they know Kaede?" Simmons asks.
"Probably because she lives with them." Grif says with nonchalance.
"What!" Sarge exclaims.
"How!" Simmons exclaims.
"I thought you were the smart one? You've never realized it when theres only to places to go in this damn canyon." Grif explains. "Kinda obvious dude."
"Kaede... is a blue..." Sarge realizes.
"Its all a lie! Red is Blue! Blue is Red!" Tucker keeps yelling.
"I... I don't know what to think anymore." Sarge mutters as he lowers his shotgun.
Meanwhile on the other side of the canyon, the blues aren't faring much better.
"Kaede... knows the reds." Church breathes.
"Maybe thats the other one and Kaede is back home?" Caboose suggests.
"I don't have time to deal with you right now." Church angrily mutters. "How long has she known them?" He asks himself.
"Maybe two seasons and an origins worth?" Caboose brings up.
"Didn't I just tell you to shut up rookie!" Church yells.
"Stop fighting! Stop fighting!" Tucker yells.
"Thats it. I'm taking over one of their robots while I have the chance." Church says. "I'll deal with this shit later." He then disappears.
From Kaede's point of view, the reds looked to be standing down. So was Caboose, but Church and Shelia looked ready to fight, but they weren't. Worst case, she brought everyone time, best case, the fighting was coming to an end. However, she spies some purple thing coming up behind Tucker
"Tucker! Behind you!" She yells, but its too late. Tucker is shot with a rocket and sent flying off while the purple vehicle is revealed to have a similar covered driver.
"What was that!" Both Sarge and Church exclaim. How did Church get over with the reds so fast? Looking over, she finds he is still with Shelia. What is going on!
"Oh my god! Its the cave devil! Run for your lives!" Donut says before running around in a panic along with Caboose.
"Opps. Sorry about that explosion." The purple pilot apologizes.
"Sorry it wasn't bigger." He says in a deeper voice.
"You!" Kaede yells to him. "I should have killed you the first time!" Using her invisible hands, she grabs Grifs Magnum from his hip and gives it to her physical arms. She then fires at the purple maniac, however all the shots either miss or hit the armour of the vehicle. Damn, it was fast.
She then gets a gut feeling that she won't hit him and her invisible arms would be much better tool to dispatch him, so she hits the ground really hard with her invisible hands, sending her flying into the air while leaving two hand prints on the ground she just left.
"What the fuck is going on!" Simmons screams as he watches the air born Kaede.
"This is gonna be interesting." Grif has the exact opposite attitude.
Kaede then lands on the front of the vehicle, she stares down the purple soldier who almost killed Sarge and possibly took Tucker from her.
"Haha! Consider this the first blow, Diclonius trash!" He exclaims before taking out a pistol and firing on her, however, she uses her invisible arms to block the bullets.
"Your going to become nothing more than an unpleasant memory." Kaede states in a monotone voice, her eyes changing to look almost dead. However, the purple soldier makes a sharp turn and throws Kaede and himself off the vehicle. The soldier easily recovers while Kaede uses her arms to gently land.
"Since when could you do all that!" Donut exclaims.
"I... I dunno." Kaede says, her voice and eyes back to normal. "I just... did them."
"I knew Tucker was wrong!" Caboose exclaims. "You can block bullets!"
"Lopez, no!" Shelia exclaims as she rolls up to the three. "Help! He took Lopez."
"Where'd he go?" Church asks, joining the group.
"Here I am you fool!" Purple announces. He is now atop the blue base with Lopez beside him.
"How'd he get up there so fast?" Church asks.
"That guys wicked fast." Donut comments.
"Thanks, I lettered in track in high school! It was the least directly competitive sport I could find." He shouts back, in his normal voice.
"Track sucks." Grif yells to him.
"You suck!" He yells back in his deep voice again. "And now, I'll make my escape with my metallic hostage, never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen, in which case, if I see you before you see me... look out! The universe will be mine!"
"Fuck you!" Kaede yells to him.
"Kaede! Language!" Donut gasps.
"Why? Shes heard us swear before. Has even done it herself." Grif says. Kaede then uses her arms to leap toward the purple guy and Lopez.
"Into the abyss!" Purple laughs as he and Lopez walk into the reds teleporter. Kaede follows shortly behind them.