Kaede didn't know what to expect when jumping in the teleporter, what she didn't expect was for it to transport her to a random location and then beam her to yet another random location. First, she was back on the hill she always came to when she wanted to be alone when she was still in the orphanage. Then, she was in what looked to be a cave. Next, she was atop a facility on some island, and after that she ended up in what looked to be a girls dormitory of some kind with four girls currently occupying it.
"Who are you?" One of them asks upon noticing her.
"Uhhhhh." Kaede can only respond before she is transported to a canyon. Not Blood Gulch, but a different canyon. This one also has a blue and red base, but they look rather larger than the ones at Blood Gulch. The canyon also has more plant life and a steam of water. Not long after she appears, Sarge and Caboose appear behind her.
"Prepare to surrender, dirt bag!" Sarge exclaims as he points his shot gun at Kaede.
"Okay, I surrender. Now its your turn." Caboose says.
"Not you moron." Sarge responds as he points his gun away from Kaede. "Where are we?"
"I dunno. I just got here myself." Kaede offers.
"Right." Sarge mutters without his usual enthusiasm.
"Sarge, are you okay?" Kaede asks.
"I dunno." Sarge says. "On one hand you've been the best teammate anyone can ask for, helping around the base, keeping Donut occupied so he doesn't have to bother me, keeping Simmons occupied so I don't have to keep him occupied, then theres that one puppet show you put on using Grif as a puppet. Even though it was years ago and you said it was a one time thing, I've always remembered that. When I looked at you, I could see RED in your eyes! And I don't mean your eyes are red, which is pretty friggen awesome, but that you were a true RED in your soul. You're like the daughter I've always wanted."
"...okay. Thank you Sarge. I didn't know you held such a high opinion of me." Kaede smiles.
"And then on the other hand, not only have been buddy-buddy with our enemies, you've been living with them!" Sarge explains "I mean, you could have lived with us. I would have given you Donuts bunk."
"Where would private buttercake sleep then?" Caboose asks.
"I would have given him Grifs bunk... then have Grif just sleep outside." Sarge continues.
"I've been dishonest with you guys for years and I'm sorry." Kaede says sincerely, while looking to the ground. "Its just, I've looked to all of you, Reds AND Blues as my family. I loved you guys equally and couldn't bring myself to choose sides. I just wanted to be with the both of you and hopped that one day you would stop fighting and be friends." Tears then slip out of Kaede's eyes and adds a little water to the stream underfoot.
"Don't cry, Kaede. We can still be friends!" Caboose exclaims.
"Thank you... Caboose." Kaede manages to smile through her tears.
"Awe Kaede... I... I." Sarge stutters. "I don't hate you if thats what you are worried about. I just... don't know what to think right now."
"I... understand." Kaede replies. "I'll be more honest with you guys. Starting with this." Kaede pulls off her hat to reveal her horns to Sarge.
"Woah!" Sarge responds. "Thats awesome. I wish I had horns... and red eyes."
"Another thing." Kaede continues.
"Theres more?!" Sarge exclaims.
"*gasp* You have a tail! I knew it, the writing was all over the wall." Caboose says.
"No, I... have a split personality." Kaede says.
"Whats this other personality like?" Sarge asks. "Is she... blue?"
"We call her Nyu, and from what I've been told, shes like an impressionable child who can only say a few words." Kaede explains. "Every time she's awake, I'm unconscious and I don't carry her memories. So every time I switch back I might be confused of whatever might be going on."
"Is there more?" Sarge asks.
"No. Thats it. Please forgive me." Kaede bows to show her sincerity.
"I... I'm need time to think about this." Sarge says.
"I understand." Kaede replies with sadness.
"I just noticed!" Caboose suddenly exclaimed. "Church isn't here!"
"Yeah, where is everyone else. Is it just you two?" Kaede asks.
"Grif and Simmons went through the teleporter." Sarge answers. "I dunno why they're not here."
"The teleporter mustn't be working properly. Before I ended up here, it took me to a few other, random places." Kaede explains.
"Damn. So we must all be separated." Sarge says.
"My toes are pruny." Caboose simply says.
"Oh... you two should get out of the water then." Kaede suggest.
"Yep, Anyway. Back to finding O'mally." Sarge says as he exits the stream along with Caboose.
"Who's O'mally?" Kaede asks.
"From what I understand, he's an A.I. thats taken over Doc body somehow." Sarge explains.
"Who's Doc?" Kaede asks.
"Yeah, I don't know this person either." Caboose adds.
"He's the purple guy who-" Sarge starts.
"Oh! Say no more, I understand." Kaede replies.
"Yeah... he's just so forgettable, you know." Caboose also adds.
"So, this Doc is being controlled by him and is making him do all this evil stuff?" Kaede asks.
"Yeah. That about sums it up." Sarge says. 'To think I could have killed someone innocent!' Kaede realizes. 'I should apologize to Doc when we free him, but I'm still going to kill O'mally.'
"I know where we can find O'mally." Caboose announces. "He lived inside my helmet from awhile, maybe he left an address to send his mail."
"Wait, he was in control of you too!" Kaede exclaims.
"Yes. We were like roommates." Caboose answers. "It was kinda like having another personality in my head."
"We need to compare notes sometime." Kaede says.
"Oh, I didn't know I was supposed to be writing stuff down." Caboose says.
"Its a figure of speech, moron." Sarge explains. "Anyway, get back to work. We need to find O'mally. He still has Lopez hostage."
Approaching one of the bases, the three find a soldier with the exact same blue armour as Caboose.
"Look, Sergeant, Kaede. A sleeping person!" Caboose exclaims.
"What? Holy Macaron." Sarge says before heading up to him and checking for a pulse. "He's not sleeping, son. He's dead."
"Did O'mally do this, or someone else?" Kaede asks.
"I hope not. That would mean Doc has a bigger body count than me!" Sarge exclaims. "Rest in piece... scumbag."
"Okay, lets stop disrespecting the dead and continue search for O'mally." Kaede suggests.
"Disrespecting? Hell no, that was his eulogy." Sarge explains.
"I found more sleeping people!" They hear Caboose yell. The two join him to find Reds and blues littering the ground in droves. "It must be nap time. But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times."
"What the Samual Helsinki happened here!" Sarge exclaims. "There must have been an enormous battle."
"I don't think so. With the way these body's are placed, I'd say it was more a slaughter." Kaede states.
"Hello! Is anyone okay!?" Sarge calls.
"If there are any survivors, we won't hurt you!" Kaede calls out.
"Especially if they're red." Sarge adds. "But don't let that discourage you if you're blue! I won't step on your neck or anything like that!"
"Thats not reassuring." Kaede whispers to him.
"Am I allowed to answer?" Caboose asks.
"Caboose, we're talking to any other reds and blues." Kaede explains.
"Shh, you hear that?" Sarge cuts them off. Kaede listens to what sounds like a trumpet off in the distance progressively getting louder.
"Where is that coming from?" Kaede asks to no one in particular.
"Yes, that noise is called water, it is in the stream we-" Caboose starts explaining.
"We meant the trumpet blue-tard." Sarge interrupts.
"So, some ones coming closer?" Kaede guesses.
"Wait a minute I know that song, thats Revelee." Sarge says. "But why would some one be playing Revelee in the middle of a-" All of a sudden, every fallen soldier springs to life, rising from their sleep, jumping and cheering.
"What! How!" Kaede exclaims.
"Sweet jibbily jiblets!" Sarge adds.
"Running time!" Caboose concludes. Seeing the soldiers come for them, Kaede uses her invisible arms as shield for herself, Sarge and Caboose, however the soldiers run past the three and into separate bases.
"What just happened here?" Sarge asks.
"I think all the sleeping people were trying to ke-" Caboose starts again.
"That was rhetorical." Sarge states.
"Why not, I dunno, see what they're up to." Kaede suggests.
"Yeah. Good suggestion." Sarge agrees. He leads the three to the closest base, which is the ones all the blues ran inside. "Ikm gonna need a boost."
"I got it." Kaede says before very carefully lifting Sarge with her invisible arms, up to a window for the base.
"Whats in there?" Caboose calls to him as Kaede continues to be sure she doesn't accidentally kill Sarge.
"Why... its horrible!" He exclaims back to them. Kaede lets him back down. "They were chanting... this horrible chant! It was devilish, near unthinkable!"
"What was it?" Kaede asked.
"They kept saying "Kill the reds" over and over again." Sarge sighs. "Blue devils."
"Should have expected that." Kaede deflates. The trumpet sounds off again before the two army's charge out of their base, shooting and screaming at each other.
"Come on Kaede! Caboose! We gotta get to higher ground!" Sarge exclaims as he leads the two to a ladder. As this is happening, Kaede brings all her will into not laughing at the ridiculous voices and trash talk the red and blue zealots were spouting.
"Sarge... I'm scared of our new friends." Caboose says.
"Scared? They're fucking hilarious!" Kaede exclaims. "I'm not to far away from losing it with laughter."
"Stop fighting! Stop fighting everyone! Stop fighting!" A red soldier says he emerges from the blue base with their flag. "Everyone, Everyone, look unto me! I possess the blue flag!"
"Its more beautiful than I ever imagined." Another red soldier awes.
"I have seen the top of the mountain! And you will worship me as though I were a God!" The red soldier holding the flag exclaims. He is then mobbed by four blues at once and his moment vanishes as quickly as it came. The remaining soldier look at each other, than to the guy, and back at each other. They begin firing at each other again at bear point blank range, missing most of their shots. Kaede lost it then, not even having the strength to stand up, she collapses on the ground, almost in tears while laughing her ass off. Caboose awkwardly joins in.
"HaHa! I have no idea what we're laughing at." He states. Soon it is all over and Kaede has contained her laughing into a mixture of giggle as holding her breath to prevent more laughter. Sarge on the other hand...
"I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or were the hell O'mally is! My only choice is to blame Grif, for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid, Grif."
'Classic Sarge.' Kaede thinks as she finally puts her remaining laughter in check.
"Sergeant! What do we do now?" Caboose asks.
"Well now that everyones dead, we can officially begin our scouting mission." Sarge states.
"Wait, they were dead when we got here." Kaede remembers. "So wouldn't that mean-"
A trumpet plays Revelee in the distance.