Caranril: I'm still debating the rating of this fic. I used "M" to be safe, for there will be mature themes later in the adventure, but I don't know if anything of that sort is in Part I. When I'm done writing, perhaps I'll take another gander at it and see if I need to change the rating to "T". Let me know what you think, please.
disCLAIMER: While I do not own Naruto nor any affiliated subjects therein, Kishimoto-sama does and therefore he owns my soul.
Chapter 6: Insults and Irritations
"Now, I've described the basic techniques you need to learn," Iruka continued. "The deal is to learn them you must train. Lots and lots of training, right Naruto?"
"Hai, Sensei!" Naruto called from a branch where he was perched cat-like to watch the lesson. "And I can help!"
Kaori smirked in Naruto's direction. He gave her a toothy grin.
"We'll continue meeting in the classroom for more work to be done, but Naruto has volunteered to take care of the training. Hokage-sama has things for me to do while I'm not busy anyway."
"You just won't admit that you're getting old," Naruto huffed, hopping down from the tree and strutting towards them with his hands in his pockets.
"But I'm not!" Iruka protested. "Kakashi's older than I am and I don't hear you giving him a bad time about it!"
"Yeah, but Kakashi-sensei ages well. And his hair's naturally grey." Naruto's grin grew mischievous. Iruka looked shocked, then nervous.
"I'll, uh, let you take over, Naruto. I have somewhere, erm, I have to be." Iruka took off for the Academy. Naruto turned to Kaori and grinned.
"Going to check for more grey hairs, I bet," he said gleefully. Kaori snorted in agreement.
"So I've been practicing since our last training day, and I can't do that Henge no Jutsu. I just can't turn into Tsunade-sama."
Naruto nodded knowingly. "I couldn't replicate Sandaime Hokage to save my life. I could do...Oiroke no Jutsu!" With that and a seal, Naruto turned into a naked young blond with outrageous curves and large blue eyes. Kaori rolled her eyes and yanked on the female Naruto's pigtail. He changed back into himself.
"Ow! What was that for?" he whined, rubbing his scalp.
"I won't get a nosebleed from that," Kaori said boredly. "I wanted to ask, would I be able to develop my own technique like you did?"
Naruto squinted his eyes. "You want to learn Oiroke no Jutsu? But you're already a girl!"
"Duh, idiot, I know that! Something else. Something that's a henge but with my own name for it."
"Ah, your own technique! What do you want to do?"
Kaori pondered a moment. "Well, I don't want to tell you, but anything you know about Henge no Jutsu would be great to learn."
"I'm here to train you, not teach. Iruka-sensei does that so ask him."
"But he doesn't know I'm already learning all this stuff with you. I think it might make him feel worthless. He already feels aged." Kaori snickered. "It's funny because he's really not that old but he still freaks out."
"Yup, yup, that's Iruka-sensei. So, shuriken training?"
"Shuriken training."
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"One bowl of miso ramen, coming right up!" Kaori was severely addicted to her job. The smells were intoxicating and she could eat loads of free ramen during breaks. She was a poor ninja-hopeful and took every bit of charity she could. That's the way she'd always lived.
"Enjoy, okyaku-san."
"Kaori-san, more noodles!" Teuchi ordered.
"Yokai, Teuchi-sama!" Kaori hummed a traditional sea shanty to herself as she rolled and cut the dough for more ramen noodles.
"Kaoooooori-chan!"
Kaori smiled, recognizing the obnoxious voice calling across the counter.
"Konbanwa, Naruto-kun," she greeted without looking up from her ramen noodles.
"Hm, I'll have a shoyu ramen tonight. Yes that sounds good."
"Kaori-san, you're order." Teuchi was kind enough to allow Kaori let serve Naruto a free bowl of ramen whenever she worked, but she had to make it herself. He smiled and tended to the noodles while she prepared Naruto's meal. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make the noodles as finely as Kaori, and he'd been in the ramen business for years.
As Teuchi moved to the back of the shop, Kaori leaned in to talk with Naruto.
"He said I'm the best noodle maker he's ever met!" she said proudly. "I don't know how many he's met, but he seems to really mean it. I knew I was good at making things with my hands, but I never figured cooking would be something I could do."
"What sort of things do you make?"
"Not so much stuff anymore, but when I was little the only way to make money was to make and sell things in the market. I did better when hired under an adult, but they...never liked me much."
"Why's that?" Naruto's blue eyes were wide and curious. Kaori turned away, looking for an excuse to end the topic.
"Your, uh, ramen's done. Enjoy."
Naruto was so overjoyed to see the bowl in front of him that he forgot Kaori's discomfort. "Oh, itadakimasu!" He snatched a pair of chopsticks and began slurping away. Kaori smiled slightly, feeling better that the conversation had been avoided, but sad that she had to keep something from Naruto. As much alike as she felt to him, she didn't want him to start hating her like everyone else did back home.
Home. She'd come across the definition one day while studying. The book said home was the place where one lived, a place where something flourishes or from which it originated. Or to be at home was to be comfortable and at ease, ready to receive visitors. She'd also seen the phrase "home is where the heart is," and that had confused her a bit. How could someone's heart belong somewhere? Wouldn't it be whereever the person was at the time? She meant to ask Iruka about it, but felt like she'd appear an idiot again. He was a kind man and she didn't want to stress him out much more than she already did with her illiteracy. This was partially why she let Naruto help her train outside of the classroom.
"Hey Naruto? I'm going to train by myself tonight."
"Huh?" Naruto stopped slurping his meal. "What did I do?"
"It's not you. I just need to do this alone."
"Ah, working on your new technique?" Naruto's eyes sparkled. "I have to see it soon."
"When it's ready," she promised. "It won't give you a nosebleed, but," Kaori grinned devilishly as she headed back to her ramen noodles, "I hope you'll find it irresistible."
Naruto swallowed his bite, staring at Kaori's back. "Irrisistible?" Yeah, if she turned into Sakura...
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"Okay, when you said more work to do in the classroom, I thought you meant studying!" Kaori fumed. "Why the hell should I be tested on proper etiquette?"
Iruka sighed. "It's required of all the kunoichi to take a class on etiquette. Most of the girls learned it from their parents, but professional instruction is more fitting to prepare them."
"Already I've come to see that you have no etiquette decent for a woman," Suzume stated snottily. "This is a problem, for it means I must take the time to instruct you and then complete the test."
"Why the hell should I be tested on proper etiquette?" Kaori repeated, using Suzume's snotty tone.
"Kaori," Iruka said tiredly, "there may be times when espionage is required, or simple blending. It is imperative that a kunoichi understands the rules of society and is able to act out a part to avoid suspicion. It has always been a part of the Ninja Academy to include this training. Tsunade-sama also specifically requested that you be tested. It's for your own safety."
"Or image. Which could use a lot of work." Suzume pressed her glasses up her nose.
Kaori growled, crossing her arms and hunching over her desk. "All right. What do you want to know?" After a few minutes of seemingly harmless questions, Suzume stood suddenly and gathered her papers. Kaori had a feeling her answers had said a lot more than she thought.
"Iruka-sensei, I'll see you in the hall."
Iruka hurried after the older woman, who slid the door closed with a smart click. Muffled voices conversed, while Kaori desperately wished to be outside training with Naruto. Golden leaves were scattered everywhere, and while the days were still fair, the nights were chilly and damp. The sun's warmth wouldn't last much longer. And then she'd end up training in the cold. She wondered if it snowed in Konoha. It was certainly much warmer than back home.
Iruka stepped into the room and slid the door shut behind him. His face was downcast and he seemed stressed.
"Well?"
"Well." Iruka sat at his desk. "On top of everything else you must do to graduate, you now have to take classes with Suzume for two weeks."
"What!" Kaori stood suddenly, which knocked her knees on the small desk. "No no no no no, I have too much training to do! I-i-i study all day and train and then work at night and sometimes train even more I don't have to time to learn how to be a girl! I mean...well, you know..." She plopped back into her chair, defeated. "Why did I ever let Temujin talk me into this?" She rested her forehead on her crossed arms. There was silence except for the noisy clock on the wall. She felt rather than heard Iruka sit next to her.
"You're not second-guessing yourself, are you?"
"Urm."
"I've briefly touched on proper Shinobi conduct, but perhaps now is the time to give you emotion training as well."
"Emotion training?"
"A Shinobi must learn to control emotions and appear collected. Second-guessing oneself is a sign of undiscipline. I have a feeling you'll need meditation instructions on top of this etiquette class."
Kaori peeked from her arms. "Can't I just be stabbed in the eye?"
Iruka chuckled. "One, that's self mutilation and as your teacher I cannot allow it. Two, it isn't that painful."
"Oh really?" Kaori buried her head again. "Have you ever gone through the class?"
When no answer came, Kaori smirked into her arms. "That's what I thought."
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Naruto's eye twitched. "You want to do what?"
"I want to shove her glasses in her ear and use the shards to shave her head."
"Eh, that's not a very nice thing to say about a teacher. And she can't be that bad!"
"You haven't had a class with her, so you don't know what it's like. Gargh." Kaori plopped in the dirt, wiping sweat from her forehead. "Flower arrangement? How does flower arrangement keep me blended and risk-free while on missions. Hell..."
"Sakura had to take the kunoichi class and I don't remember any problems," Naruto mused, throwing shuriken at a target.
"How old was she when she took the class? Seven? And that's how old Suzume-ama treats me. That and like a piece of lint." Kaori lay down, ignoring the dust swirls tickling her nose. "And when does it get so hot and dry in the middle of fall?"
Naruto shrugged. "Kakashi says we'll get a huge rainstorm to make up for it."
"Like he knows."
Naruto sighed in exasperation. "Okay, I'm tired of hearing you whine and complain. I'm gonna go home and take a nice cold shower and watch tv for the rest of the night. You're working?"
"Yeah."
"Don't expect me to stop by. I want slap you for being so whiny."
"Then why don't you?" Kaori sat up suddenly. "Come one. Let's fight."
Naruto's eyes grew big. "No, no, I couldn't do that!"
"Why? Because I'm a girl? Think of me as...as...Sasuke! I know you like fighting him!" Kaori's eyes gleamed. "Let's go. I want to fight."
Naruto sighed. "I'm out of your league, idiot."
"Idiot? Who are you calling idiot? Busaiku..." Kaori didn't finished her sentence as Naruto had a kunai held to her throat.
"I said I've had enough, Kaori." His tone was dead serious. Then he snorted. "I've had tons of people insulting my intelligence and maturity, but I've yet to have someone insult my looks."
"There's always a first," Kaori grinned evilly, hoping to spur him into fighting. Naruto pulled the kunai away and tucked it into his pack.
"Go home, Kaori," he said seriously. "Do your meditation thingy or whatever. And don't try to pick a fight with anyone here, especially a Jounin. Even Konohamaru could kick your ass."