"Looking for Alibrandi" Heartbroken. - By Kezza Chapman

Chapter 1

He kissed her gentle cheek and whispered something. "You know I'm not leaving for you. Because I love you and you know that don't you?"

She replied, mascara stains down her face. "Yes, John. It's for the best, Vienna. Well. I love you and write to me everyday."

Embracing her even more in his strong loving way he said "I love you to Josie, you're the best thing in my life and that's why we can't be. I can't screw your life up, the way I did my own."

She cried out is disbelief- "a new life John. If that's what you want, you can have it with me. Us, we can work it out. Just wait a little bit and see, see what we can do."

He suddenly let her go. "I know baby, I know. But this is how it has to be. I have to go now." He tore away and left her standing alone along the beach side, which once they shared a magical bond.

"John!" She cried out so exasperatedly over and over again. "John. Come back." But it was too late, he was already gone. She shouted numerous times into the darkness. But nobody replied, nothing moved. It seemed like time had stopped for those few moments.

She stumbled for her shoes, but couldn't find them because it was too dark. She gave in and fell helplessly down on the warm sand. Mascara stains all down her new white top which John said she looked gorgeous in. She suddenly grabbed it off even though she was only wearing a bikini underneath she didn't need anything that would remind her of him. The only him for the past 6 months at least. She dissolved into the sand and pretended that she was in a pit of darkness. She must have been there over night because when she awoke it was light and there were people running around the beach. At first she hid away from the sun because it was too bright but her eyes adjusted to it. She eventually stood up, still a little aroused about last night. She felt around the surrounding sand to find her shoes, then after what seemed like an eternity, so left the beach and set off for John's house to try and convince some sense into him.

The dusty road seemed so long and she grew weary, she had no water or food but instead she had a quite amusing magazine and also a pair of super hot sunnies that cost her all her lawn moving money that summer.

She soon forgot about her sunnies and considered John. She was truthfully heart broken; he was the only one who really understood her and what she stood for. Why was he doing this, it was only a week ago that they were crazy about each other. He said he loved her and meant it too, so why now? How did she know that he was actually moving because his life was so screwed u? Maybe there was some bitch round the other side of the world that was using John. Maybe, "okay, Josie, stop yourself, your just working yourself up over nothing. John loves you and you know that."

"Josie, what are you doing?" John looked slightly pleased with himself as he grimaced at Josie who was wearing a bikini and those sunnies.

"Oh, hey John. How'd you know I was here?" She looked puzzled.

"Ah, Jose, you are a funny one. I heard you talking to yourself and I was just walking down to the beach to see if I could find you." He looked very amused and you could see that because he was standing so confidently, gosh he looked hot in that blue polo.

"Well, John, it seems I beat you to it." With that she knew that she had won, she felt so powerful.

"Jose, I'm sorry about last night but I didn't know when was right to tell you. We're leaving today."

Her mouth dropped about 20 stories and cautiously began to say "John, who? Who is WE?"

"Jose, you really are angry at me. Well, it's me and…."

He cut his sentence in half. "And WHO?" she was shouting by now because she couldn't contain her anger anymore. She needed to be heard. For goodness sake, he was leaving her alone. Leaving her. Why?

"Chill Jose, it's me and my mum. That's all; it's me, my mum and Carly."

Her face gradually grew from pale to redness of an apple. "Carly is coming too? And John, when exactly were you going to tell me about this, when were you going to tell me that.. That BITCH was coming. She's so mean and you.. You're running off with her John. What am I suppose to think of that?"

He was starting to grow angry, which for his normal behavior and attitude was quite strange. Still he didn't shout but spoke very harshly, so harshly that she felt like slapping him in the face. But she didn't want to wreck this now, not now. He was about to leave with that bitch and she had to stop him. "Jose, here isn't where I belong, my dad's forcing so much onto me, he's making me feel like shit and you know what so is everyone is this fricking city, I don't fit here and I never will."

She broke down into tears and she gasped for breath, she then paused and slowly began to speak again "John, I love you, I don't make you feel like shit do I?"

He reluctantly spoke to her. "Of course not Jose, but I'm not like you, This is how it has to be Jose. Really believe me, you'll meet some guy who is right for you but it isn't me. So here is when it ends, Jose. Email me. Really do so."

He then turned away and walked out of her eyesight.

She was too shocked for words and that was the end. Then she said in a whisper "Bye, John."

She stood there for a second but it grew darker and she decided to wander back home. Too quiet, nothing running through her mind but darkness.

She arrived back home, a true wreck. Shivering, sand covered, wearing a bikini and a bad sun burn from where her sunnies had been. But that didn't matter, didn't matter at all. Nothing mattered.

She sat around all evening in her room listening to her ipod and listening to love songs and when the singer said something romantic she'd yell in anger and curse the song and artist. She ate too much for words, so many chocolates too. But her weight and BMI didn't matter. Nothing did. She didn't know what happened after that last song and chocolate but she dozed off to sleep. Her tears must have done it, her eyes probably couldn't produce that many and she overdosed on the teary powder.

She woke suddenly, someone was shaking her. She felt annoyed, she was meant to sleep as long as she wanted to because all she wanted was for her to be the centre of attention. "Arghhh." She exclaimed.

"Honey, listen to me, John is dead. He committed suicide this morning"

Those words shattered my heart and left a cold feeling in the air. The cold silence swept across the room. "No, no he isn't I don't believe you. You're lying!"

She ran for it, wearing pajamas but whatever. People would get over it. She ran out of the house and to his house. Police tape wrapped around the house. Policemen and women carried something in one of those dead people's bags. "Shit!" She was really bawling by this point. Really distressed. She ran to the front door. She croaked out "Mr and Mrs Barton, hello. It's Jose, please let me in."

"Oh dear, come in. Please, I am so sorry. Really I am." She grabbed Josie and hugged her close, she felt the same way. They both stood there in silence and in the presence of each other for what seemed like a long time. "Oh before I forget, John left this for you, it's a letter."

"Oh thank you." I was really puzzled by now; he wrote me a letter, like I'd asked him to.

"Um well, there you go dear, I guess you must be off now. Good bye Jose."

"Bye Mrs Barton."

She left abruptly, not as cut as when she had arrived, she clenched the letter in her hand, the last part of John that remained. His soul, was in her hands, his words, his comfort was there in her hands. She was getting wt patched on it. "Crap! I can't get it wet." And she put it under her padded coat. In the pocket, so it wouldn't fall out. She held it in place and very carefully kept it dry from her tears. She couldn't wreck the letter the way she'd wrecked her relationship.

She raced home. Really pushed her self as hard as she could. She had to read that letter, she just had to. She got home, puffed and her cheeks hurt from the wind burn on her gentle skin. She ran up to her room, tore open the door, slammed it shut and then jumped onto her bed and began to removed it from her padded jacket. She then carefully opened the letter. The envelope was so white. No marks on it or anything. No writing. She turned the envelope in her hands a couple of times. Then she picked up her envelope opener knife and planed it to the crease of the envelope. She was shaking but somehow she managed to do it. She stood up and paced the room whilst reading her letter.

(Quote from the actual movie/ book)

"If I could be anything other than what I am, I'd live tomorrow. If I could be what my father wants me to be, maybe I could stay for that too. If I could be what you want me to be I'd want to stay but I am what I am and all I want is freedom."

She opened her rusty bedroom window. She couldn't breathe, she needed air. She tore up the letter into tiny pieces then thrust them out the window. She hurriedly shut the window and flopped onto her bed. She was so sure that even if she tried to cry, nothing would come out. She went over to her stereo and turned it onto any station and turned the button to full blast. She tried to sing along, but no words came out of her mouth. She hid under the covers and thought that if she lay there long enough she'd become part of her bed. Or maybe everything would go away to back to how it was. She sank lower and lower into the covers' warmth. She drifted into a light sleep. Which all were filled with terrible thoughts about John. She wandered the possibilities… Wait! She awoke suddenly sweating from the nightmares. She whispered blankly to herself. "John wasn't going to leave to Vienna; he was going to leave…… the world." She began to despair.

She opened the window in a flurry and stuck her warm head out of it. She gasped for breath and looked at the moon. Where was it? This always calmed her down and it wasn't there. Seriously where was it? She opened the window to the highest and furthest that it would go. She then climbed out of the window and onto the ledge to the small flat. She was three storeys up but she didn't care. She was dressed in her tweety bird night dress and her satin slippers, she looked like a mess. But no lights were on in the whole street, so it didn't matter and even if they were she didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing. The only thought that filled her dreary head was John. She looked over the edge and weighed up the possibilities. Should she jump and stop the pain or go back inside to mum or stay there for a bit. Then she thought of how Mrs Barton and how she had felt and she didn't want her mum to feel that way and plus she didn't have a husband to go too. That was totally worse, so she decided to go back inside to where she could receive a hug.

She got inside; it seemed so dark and cold. Too unwelcoming for anyone and especially to her, she couldn't take anything anymore. She took another step forward; to the dresser as she ran her index finger down the dusty surface she saw a glint of light. Curious to see what it was she walked towards it, it was a rust mirror, she gazed at herself. She looked terrible, mascara all down her face, hair like it had never been brushed before and most and foremost big gauges under her eyes that were the colour of plums. She tore her gaze from the mirror and walked towards her bedroom. She finally got there. She looked at the surrounding walls; they were covered in photos of her and her friends and John Barton. He was haunting her. She took all the photos off the wall and placed them cautiously into the bin. She sat on her bed for a minute before walking back to the bin to pick p the photos. She flipped through them, there he was...

She whispered quietly to herself. (Quote form the movie).

"For the rest of my life I want to know what they do with the sheets, maybe they'll burn them or maybe they'll scrub and scrub that blood away so that they can sleep on the for the rest of their lives."

Please review, another chapter will be up soon. HOE YOU LIKED IT! 